the sandvich

Offense

-Scout

Look at the boy. Look at him! Cute face with the little buck teeth and small skinny arms that are good for hugs and pats and everything. He run fast! He talk fast! He smile good! He tries his best at everything and I want a self esteem as big as his. Look at that good boy! He’s a happy boy! So pure and full of wonder!!

-Soldier

A good man! Strong! Powerful! Caring! He loves racoons and teleports bread. Very patriotic but loves his friends because they’re a team. He loves his team! He loves his family! He loves America!! He can neck snap bears!! Strong man very caring and goofy but also powerful!!!!

-Pyro

He is a pure child! Doesn’t want to hurt anybody but it’s not his fault. He doesn’t know what he’s doing; just wanna help!! He makes warm fires! Always happy. Always a good boy in my heart. Look! He has!! A poof!!! He wants to stay warm and he is a good warm boy inside. Good child!!

Defense

-Demoman

LOOK. He happy!! He pure!! Albeit drunk a few times, he’s still a good guy at heart! Would give you a hug if you’re sad! Energetic and understanding plus wants you to have a good day all day everyday!!!! A good good man! Can turn his entire body into an alcohol converter and very smart. Made his own bombs!! Smart!!! Lookie!!! He will get his job back! He will be with his friends! He will be with his family and he loves his family!!! A good man!!

-Heavy

He has! A good heart! Loves family! Loves friend! What if someone hurt friend?? HE CRUSH LIKE LEETLE BABY because he loves them!! Strong and kind. Gives Sandvich to those that are hurt. Respects others! Smart!! A good man!!! Doesn’t understand petty game when you can just smash everything and win like that. Good!! He finds other ways to win a game instead of just one that is efficient!! A good and smart man!!!!

-Engineer

A good man! Very patient and soft. Hard worker! Very patient! Smart man and knows how to build things!! Soft!!! Reads stories to make Pyro happy. A good man at heart! Short and cute too!!! Lookie him!!! He has his goggles up!! He is reading a story nice and soft!! I want him to read me cute child stories before bed!!! Nice man!!!!!


Support

-Medic

He is!! A man!! Of science!! Smart and does experiments; very curious indeed. Baboon babies! He smile! He smart! He trick satan!! He frees friends from sin. He hold baby! He has family! He saves Sniper!!! A good man! A science man!! Looks evil but is really good inside!! Has feelings; pls don’t hurt them. He loves his birds!!

-Sniper

HE HAS!! GOOD BODY!! He got shot but lived because he’s the most dangerous man on the island!!! A true sniper; takes the shot. He saves friends! He saves family! Nice hair; nice scars!!! Can headshot good and has respect. A professional!!! 

-Spy

Always! Looking! Good! Can disguise. Can lie. Can seduce. He taught his son how to date!! A good man! Can hide quickly and loves children. Loves children!!! A good man at heart and good actor. Best actor!!

A MESSAGE TO TF2 PLAYERS #1: HOW TO TREAT YOUR MEDIC

Scout: 

1. I understand how you have lower health compared to other classes, but please, for both you and your Medic’s sake. SLOW DOWN.  

2. Don’t call for a Medic when you’ve lost 1 health. Seriously, there’s a burning Soldier on 1 HP right beside you. Don’t expect to be prioritized.

3. If your Medic is on fire, extinguish him with the Mad Milk or the Mutated Milk.

Soldier: 

1. If you want effective healing, DON’T EQUIP THE EQUALIZER OR THE ESCAPE PLAN. They decrease Medics’ healing impact on you by 90%.

2. DO EQUIP THE DISCIPLINARY ACTION. It can make you and your Medic faster than usual for a short period of time. Use it when your Medic has a hard time keeping up with you.

3. Unless your Medic is using the Quick-Fix, try not to rocket jump as it will be hard for him to keep up with you.

Pyro:

1. If your Medic is on fire, extinguish him. If he burns to death and you get killed, you can’t blame him, because you didn’t keep him alive.

2. DON’T EQUIP THE BACK SCRATCHER. It decreases the amount of healing you get from Medics and dispensers.

3. Unless your Medic is using the Quick-Fix, try not to flare jump as it will be hard for him to keep up with you.

Engineer:

1. When your Medic is on low health, build a dispenser for him. 

Heavy:

1. ALWAYS PROTECT DOKTOR. ALWAYS.

2. When your Medic is on low health, give him your Sandvich.

3. DO EQUIP THE SANDVICH, THE DALOKOHS BAR, OR THE FISHCAKE. These serve as a portable health packs, which you can give to your Medic if he is on low health. The Dalokohs Bar and the Fishcake can also give a 50-point overheal to the consumer.

Demoman: 

1. Unless your Medic is using the Quick-Fix, try not to sticky jump as it will be hard for him to keep up with you.

(Other) Medic: 

1. Keep each other safe. You are both men of medicine. You’re supposed to be bros.

2. DO EQUIP THE AMPUTATOR. Taunting with it gives all of your teammates extra health (including your Medic).

Sniper: 

1. If your Medic is on fire, extinguish him with Jarate or the Self-Aware Beauty Mark.

Spy: 

1. You’re a SPY. Unless you really need to be healed, don’t expect to be helped by Medics.

I’ll edit this if I missed something. Please reblog and add your own tips if you have any. :)

Things I love about TF2

• The characters, every single one of em, I freaking love them all

• Scout being described with buckteeth in almost every fanfiction I’ve read about him

• The amazing friendship between the characters my heart can’t fucking take

• The overall look and feel of the game, it doesn’t take itself all too serious and that’s fucking genius

• Medic and Heavy, thanks

• Saxton Hale’s fuckin chesthair

• Soldier’s fine and flawless version of Noah’s Ark

• “Let’s go practise medicine”

• Pyro, just… Pyro

• Engie’s voice, he has such a nice calm voice I could listen to him reading the bloody phonebook

• Sniper’s little “under his breath” comments whenever he’s got a kill

• Spy’s overly sence of drama

• Again the fact that they’re niCE TO EACH OTHER AND IM FINALLY INTO A FUCKING GAME WHERE CHARACTERS APPRECIATE EACH OTHER AND WHAT THEY DO NO MATTER WHAT, IT WARMS MY FUCKING HEART

• The Sandvich

youtube

I’ve felt bad about not updating the Tumblr as well as streaming/animating more, I’ve been going hard on commission work. I’m alive around Twitter here and there if you want to keep some tabs on what’s going on. Gonna answer a bunch of questions and submissions in the Ask box too!

For now, have this animation practice I did for a stream a while back with a stretchy sandvich.

SLAVIC TIME: SANDWICH
  • Belarusian: сэндвіч (sendvič)
  • Bosnian: sendvič
  • Bulgarian: сандвич (sandvich)
  • Croatian: sendvič
  • Czech: sendvič
  • Macedonian: сендвич (sendvič)
  • Russian: сэндвич (sendvich)
  • Serbian: сендвич (sendvič)
  • Slovak: sendvič
  • Slovenian: sendvič
  • Ukrainian: сендвіч (sendvich)
  • Polish: Well, this is awkward...
  • Czech: Oh, really... No, Polish. DO NOT.
  • Polish: O U O
  • Polish: KANAPKA
  • Rest of family: ... WHAT THE ACTUAL FRICK.
Fic 472: On the Edge

I would imagine Sniper would be a little tense after that whole dying and coming back to life thing. Sometimes after something like that, you need an anchor. 


Sniper’s legs hung off the side of the balcony, dangling over the deep chasm that backed the small base that had become their refuge.  A lonesome moan rose from the gorge as the wind blew through and the sound resonated deep within him. Without thinking, his fingers ghosted across the fabric that covered the angry scars that still marked his chest. Even the Medi-gun had been unable to remove them, much to Medic’s consternation. But the man had cheated death in an entirely new and inventive way.

And that was something to be proud of.

Not that any one of them had been any stranger to death or dying. They’d all done so repeatedly over the time they’d been contracted with RED. It was just… This time he felt so much colder.

Once they’d reached the hideout Miss Pauling had insisted on his having a complete physical. Complying after spending twice as much time arguing over doing it, Medic had proudly announced that his patient was perfectly healthy. His heartrate was good, his temperature was good, and his reaction times would have been excellent even for a man who hadn’t been recently deceased.

But the cold persisted.

The chill had gripped him since they’d left Gray Mann’s base and the bloody remains of his hired mercs. His mind drifted back through the memories before settling back on the last time he remembered feeling warmth that didn’t come from arterial bleeding. The image was hazy now, not a memory meant to be had by anyone on earth, and slowly fading. His parents’ faces were now more impressions of how he remembered them than how real they had felt in that moment. He struggled to see the smile on his mum’s face, and the pride that he’d always wanted to see on his dad’s.

He let out a sigh as he leaned over to rest his arms against his legs and gaze at the ground far below. It was enough to send a wave of vertigo over him, and he leaned forward, rubbing his face, pushing his glasses up into his hair to bring himself back to earth. He could feel himself trembling, an unfamiliar and terrifying feeling to a man who prided himself on his steadiness. Back in Australia there had been no time for grief. His thoughts had been focused solely on vengeance, justice, or whatever got him to put one foot in front of the other. But now, with their souls peaceful and at rest, he was in freefall.

He felt lost.

“You think too loudly, tovarishch.”

Heavy’s voice was almost lost to the wind, but there was no mistaking the large hand that fell on his shoulder. Without thinking, Sniper reached up with his own hand to grab Heavy’s wrist, not to break free, but to hold on like a drowning man to a rope. Whether it was the chill of the mountain air or Sniper’s own hand was hard to tell, but Heavy’s skin felt almost hot in his grip. Iron, warmed in fire but still unyielding, the Russian seemed to be the only thing near him that stood firm against the sudden upending of the entire world. A reedy rattle reached his ears; his own breath as he struggled to breathe. Another hand came to rest against his back, rubbing small circles into it as sounds that he couldn’t quite make out were murmured from somewhere in the distance.

Heavy knelt beside him now, his barrel chest radiating heat like a furnace, and he couldn’t help himself from leaning into it. Sturdy. Strong. Unmoving. An anchor as the world slowly came to a stop once again. The circling hand gradually stilled as his grip on Heavy’s wrist eased, but the soft sounds - Russian - continued until he looked up to see Heavy looking down at him.

“Thanks…”

Heavy just nodded in reply, and in those blue eyes Sniper saw something close to… sympathy?

No.

Understanding.

There was a story there that he didn’t know and had no right to ask, but that look told him all he needed. A kindred spirit in loss, even if he never knew the specifics.

Another gust of wind raced through the mountains, rattling the boards under their feet. Without a word, Heavy wrapped an arm under Sniper’s, easily pulling him to his feet and into that wall-like chest. He couldn’t help the small sigh that escaped as he stood there, wrapped in warmth that seemed to sink into his very bones.

“You are cold.” Heavy’s voice rumbled into him as they walked back into the base, “Come, let us get you warm.”