She told me a story. A story about a boy who was born with very green eyes, and the man who was so captivated by their color that he searched the world for a stone in exactly the same shade. She said the boy was me. That this ring was made from that very same stone, and that the man had given it to her, hoping one day she’d be able to give it to me. It was his gift, she said, for my birthday. And then she took it off, slipped it on my index finger, and said, ‘If you hide your heart, he will never be able to take it from you.’
Requested: A one shot where the reader tries to help Percival Graves after he’s been kidnapped. He’s cold and doesn’t let her in which leads to him pushing her away and them breaking up. Later when he sees her out with another man he begins to question his previous decision.
I’ve never done a request before so I hope this doesn’t suck!
Warnings: smut, language
Word Count: 3,617
For as long as you could remember
you’d known Percival Graves.
You knew everything about him.
What made him tick, what made him
happy and what made him sad.
You knew him inside and out.
So, when he started to act
different you knew something was wrong. You knew he wasn’t the Percival Graves
you’d once known. Not the man you’d loved or the man you’d grown up knowing.
But even when it was revealed that someone had been pretending to be him, that your
suspicions were right you didn’t find relief.
At first, when he came back home,
you’d thought that you could get through to him. That giving him space and
attention at the right time would be enough to bring the old Percival Graves
back to you. But it wasn’t that easy… the more you tried the more he pulled
The more he pulled away.
he pulled away completely.
you both broke up.
The night that plagued your mind
whenever you closed your eyes. It was a late night, the night you broke up, he’d
come home from work and you could tell something was wrong before he walked
through the door.
You could feel it in my
You’d been waiting in silence at
the kitchen table, your eyes trained on the clock directly across from you. The
moment he walked in he kept his eyes from you, his body tense when he hears you
get up from the kitchen chair. Your hands rest along the table top and sigh
when he reaches for one of the clean wine glasses on the counter. Without
speaking a word, he grabs the bourbon and pours it into the glass, his eyes
fixated on it.
He barely spoke to you anymore.
Instead he acted as if you didn’t exist. As if you weren’t worth consideration.
Even when you got up and cleared your throat he still pretended that you didn’t
You’d said after several moments of
silence. Your eyes watched him closely before daring to take a step forward.
Your feet are quiet, but the moment your hand reaches out to touch his he pulls
back. His brown eyes move to yours as a look of frustration crosses his
His stare was cold.
“… We need to talk.”
You find yourself pleading, begging
as he his head shook in protest. Without speaking you knew what he wanted to
say next. You knew that he was going to push you away, but you didn’t expect
what he was going to say next. A string of sentences that ended it all.
“We don’t need to talk…”
He started before taking a swig of
“… You need to get out of my life.
Because I’m done pretending to love you. I’m done pretending that we still have
anything worth keeping us together.”
the whole thing with sherlock getting so physically close to kitty it looks like theyre going to kiss and he just says youre disgusting and i hate you. ACTUALLY he says “you REPEL me”, repel meaning the exact opposite of “attract” and a weird way to phrase something. uh huh. wow. anyway… gay meta
as requested by the lovely @darpom15 ! thank you so much for this prompt, i don’t know how i never thought of writing it before :)
(this also turned out to be much longer than i expected lol sorry)
They had just finished dinner and Magnus had somehow managed to convince Alec to go to a bar for a couple of drinks. The two stopped in front of an overflowing building with neon lights lining the windows and Alec immediately tensed up. “Magnus…” Alec said cautiously, causing the man to stop in his tracks in front of him.
Magnus turned to face Alec with a hopeful smile. He knew exactly what Alec was thinking and sighed. “I know you wouldn’t have come if I told you it was a gay bar, Alexander.” Alec hesitantly looked back at the doorway of the bar. “It’s a Downworlder bar too, it’ll be fine,” reassured Magnus, reaching a hand out to Alec, a comforting smile on his face.
Throwing all caution to the wind, Alec took Magnus’ hand. He couldn’t stay in his own bubble forever. He was just starting to feel comfortable in his own skin and he had to take advantage of the opportunity to branch out when he had the time. As soon as they stepped in, Alec’s hand became sweaty and Magnus noticed almost immediately. Alec looked around the place, at the Vampires, Seelies, and even the odd Shadowhunter. He knew the Shadowhunters in Tokyo had a better relationship with Downworlders and Alec could only wish it were the same back in New York.
He also noticed everyone in the bar was exactly like him and Magnus. Men with men, women with women, just people with people, out to have a fun night, and Alec decided to do the same. He tightened his grip on Magnus as they weaved through the crowd up to the bartender.
“Nice to see you stop by again, Magnus,” said the bartender while serving another customer. Magnus turned his head in surprise and smiled at the man.
“Always a pleasure, Hinata!” exclaimed Magnus, beaming.
Alec looked between the two, an eyebrow raised. “You two know each other?” asked Alec. He looked the man behind the counter up and down, noticing his pale skin and the sharp teeth poking through his grin. Vampire.
Hinata threw his head back in a laugh. “Oh, we go way back,” he replied, walking up to the two. Alec noticed Hinata had red streaks through his hair, similar to how Magnus did his own sometimes. The glitter under his eyes was also a dead give away that the two had previously known each other.
Magnus nodded and looked back at Alec. “Hinata was the one to introduce me to the nightlife here in Tokyo. Right up his alley,” chuckled Magnus, looking at him fondly. Alec hardly got to see this side of Magnus. The look he gave Hinata was one that Alec had never seen before but he quickly recognised it as a look that said ‘God, I’ve missed this’. And Alec caught himself grinning at Magnus.
“Almost 70 years ago now, if I’m not mistaken.” Hinata turned towards Alec. “And even then it was rare to see Magnus Bane walking around with a Shadowhunter on his arm,” said Hinata. He pointed at Alec. “You must be special,” he commented with a smirk on his face and Magnus’ smile only grew.
Alec let out a carefree laugh and placed a hand on Magnus’ back. He excused himself for a moment to use the bathroom and braced himself before turning back into the sweaty crowd. Just as he was making his way back to Magnus, Alec couldn’t help but overhear a conversation that a group of Seelies were having. He didn’t understand much due to the conversation being in Japanese but he knew enough to pick out some words.
Alec hurried his way over to Magnus and Hinata. Placing a hand on Magnus’ arm, Alec said, “I think we might wanna leave.”
A look of worry overtook Magnus’ face and his features became tense. “Why? Did something happen?” asked Magnus. He was sure that Alec had been enjoying himself until now.
Alec shook his head and swallowed hard. “I overheard two Seelies on my way back. I didn’t really understand everything but I did hear the words 'bastard’, 'fortune’, and 'Magnus’ in the same sentence, so…”
Magnus frowned and looked around behind Alec, scanning the crowd for a familiar face. Hinata laughed loudly behind the counter and they both turned to him questioningly. “I heard that too,” he said and looked down in order to concentrate on hearing the Seelies better. “Magnus… has another thing… coming… if he thinks he can show his face here again,” relayed Hinata slowly, translating as best he could. Alec’s eyes went wide as he stared at Magnus. Hinata chuckled. “Sounds like you’re in big trouble this time,” he said pointedly and Magnus cringed.
Magnus had messed with so many people in his life that he couldn’t even remember what he had screwed up all the way back in Tokyo. He looked over Alec’s shoulder again and racked his brain for any sign of his wrongdoing. Suddenly, through the crowd, Magnus locked eyes with the group of Seelies that Alec had described and he felt his stomach turn. But in a way that made him excited.
“Yeah we should leave,” said Magnus, getting up and grabbing Alec by the arm. The Seelies began walking towards the pair. “Scratch that – we should run.”
Alec started in surprise as Magnus pulled on him as hard as he could, making his way to the exit as quickly as possible. Alec couldn’t believe what was happening. What were the chances that Magnus would run into someone he was avoiding all the way in Tokyo? The cold air hit them harshly as they stepped out onto the streets and then they were running. They ran and ran and ran until they could be sure that they had lost them. They ran until they reached a dark alleyway that Magnus pulled Alec into. Magnus seemed to know Tokyo like the back of his hand and Alec couldn’t fathom how one man could be so smart.
They stopped running once they reached a kind of pond, dark and empty of any Mundanes. The two collapsed onto a bench, panting and collecting their breath while at the same time laughing uncontrollably. They couldn’t believe how a seemingly peaceful date had turned into something so chaotic. Magnus pulled on Alec’s elbow and placed his hands on either side of the boy’s face. He kissed the boy slowly amidst the laughter and Alec grinned into it, still coming down from the adrenaline rush.
“I was going to ask how much you owe them, but I don’t think I wanna know anymore,” chuckled Alec. Magnus laughed back.
“I’ll be honest, Alexander. I don’t even remember,” he said, sending Alec into another laughing fit. Alec leaned back in the bench and looked at Magnus, a smile creeping its way onto his face without even trying. It had been so long since either of them had laughed that hard. Magnus turned his gaze towards the pond and Alec admired his grace.
Looking behind them, Alec noticed a souvenir shop across the road. “I’ll be right back,” he murmured to Magnus, not wanting to disturb the silence. Magnus nodded and relaxed into the seat.
Alec skipped across the road and made sure not to take long. He picked up a red omamori, paid quickly, and shoved it deep into his pocket. He didn’t want to give it to Magnus just yet. He made his way over to the Warlock again and placed an arm around him. Magnus leaned into the touch, breathing in Alec’s pleasant scent. “What now?” whispered Alec against Magnus’ skin, making it tingle.
Magnus never understood how Alec was able to do that. He sometimes played around with his magic, but Alec, his touch alone made Magnus crazy. He turned to face his boyfriend and grinned from ear to ear which made Alec’s heart skip a beat. “To Prague.”
i hope you enjoyed, let me know what you think! if you have any prompts or scenarios for me, please head over to my ask box.
Sometimes one life, if it’s the right life, it’s enough.
And then there’s this smile. The finale smile. A smile so incredibly emotional and tender. John is happy because Harold is going to make it. Harold is walking away to his happy ending. John doesn’t care about dying. He’s accepted death as inevitable a long time ago. What he cares about is everyone else. What matters to him is what he does in the meantime. And above all, protecting Harold. Because Harold saved his life, and saves lives. Harold is one of the those persons the world can’t afford to lose, and that John can’t afford to lose. He couldn’t save Jessica, he couldn’t save Joss. But he saved Harold. And really, that’s all that matters to him.
And in that smile, you can read the affection and gratitude for the man who saved his life, and gave him another chance. The man who gave him the opportunity to be the hero John always wanted to be. And in that smile, you can read the satisfaction of having finally succeeded in saving the one life that matters.
Yes I cried, yes it still hurts. Yes, it’s just not exactly the same to
look up at a surveillance camera, cause now if my number comes up, it’s
not John who’ll come to my rescue.
I cried, but at the same time, I never felt as much love for John, because this is exactly why I love him so much.
John is one of the most selfless persons in the world. He always puts you before him. He literally puts himself between you and danger. He takes the bullet for you. That’s just who John is. It’s in his DNA. He protects people. And that’s his purpose in life. That’s who he chose to be, who he wants to be.
So that smile means everything to me. It tells me that John died a happy man. At peace with himself, with the satisfaction of knowing the mission was accomplished. In the show, he’s cheated death more than once. He even died twice in simulations. Every time, those deaths would have been defeats. Betrayals, unexpected lucky shots or even his own hand…. But here, on that rooftop, it was his moment, his choice, his victory. For Harold, for the team, for the world.
So it’s like that smile is also a little bit for me, telling me “it’s okay, I’m happy. There’s nowhere I’d rather be.”
(Sidenote: I know lots of fans didn’t like the finale and have strong feelings against it. I respect that, but I would ask you to respect the fact that I do love the finale, and thus to refrain from using this post to spread negativity against the show, the finale or the writers. Thank you ♥)
i'm a bisexual woman and i'm not going to pretend i don't have privilege when i date a man, it doesn't matter how you want to play it at the end of the day if i date a man all my problems go away while with my girlfriend is the opposite, so NO, representation of our characters is not the same if they are with the same sex or the opposite sex, specially if the gay pairing is a stepping stone to the ultimate straight ship
I am also a bisexual woman. I am also not pretending that I don’t have some privilege when dating a man. We would, in most scenarios, pass for a straight couple even if, by definition, we weren’t—and society wouldn’t give us shit for that.
But all our problems don’t go away just because we might date a man, and that’s exactly my point. Society still gives bisexuals shit for being bisexual, whether we’re in “opposite”-gender relationships or not. The LGBT+ community still gives bisexuals shit for being bisexual. Just because we aren’t being marginalized because of our relationship doesn’t mean we aren’t being marginalized because of who we are.
Bisexual characters will always be representation, whether they are depicted with someone of the same gender, the opposite gender, or with no one at all because bisexual people exist in the same variations.
Back to The 100—the way L.exa was killed off was shitty. I understand why the writers chose to kill her given ADC’s circumstances, but it was done in a horribly insensitive way that should never have been written. But what you’re saying is really very hypocritical.
You’re (I’m assuming) mourning a gay character. Okay. You (again, I’m assuming here) want the bisexual character she was with, however briefly, to be given time to grieve before moving on. That’s fair. But then you’re saying that when that bisexual character moves on, she can’t be with a man. Wait… what? Why? Bisexuals enter and exit from f/f or m/m relationships and move on to m/f relationships all the time (and vice versa). So… why, exactly, would Clarke moving into a m/f relationship be bad representation? Because from where I’m standing it looks a lot like you’re saying she should only be in f/f relationships from now on, which lends itself very easily to claiming she’s “a lesbian now” which would be the very definition of bi erasure.
On to your “stepping stone” comment—Bellarke existed before C/exa. That’s not an attack, that’s a fact. Clarke knew Bellamy before she met L.exa. Again, not an attack. Fact. If anything, there was a path made of stepping stones which branched into two separate paths, only to converge back into each other and continue on, as does life—and, coincidentally, Clarke’s story, romantic or not. But I digress.
I have a huge problem with calling m/f pairings “straight ships” when at least one character in that pairing is demonstrably not straight—reason being that doing so erases the queer characters’ sexuality. It gets even worse when people try and pretend that m/f relationships are never LGBT+ representation.
I know you were referring to Bellarke when sending this, which is made up of a bisexual woman and an assumed straight man, but it goes beyond that. What if there is a relationship between a pansexual woman and a bisexual man? A male-passing gender fluid person using he/him pronouns and a bisexual woman? A trans woman and a trans man?
Would you consider those to be non-representative simply because they’re m/f relationships? No, you wouldn’t. Because the individual(s) who make up the relationship are, themselves, representation.
Which brings me back to my original point. In the end, relationships don’t create the representation, people do. So, as a bisexual woman, Clarke is the bisexual representation, not her relationship. Any relationship Clarke is in is representation, whether it be f/f or m/f. And alternatively, even if Clarke is in no relationship, she remains representation simply because she exists. That representation does not change simply because she dates one gender or another.
Jeremy lived alone. He had been legally emancipated at a
young age and had quickly learned how to look after himself. He lived in a
small, run down flat in the city. It wasn’t much, but it still cost a lot to
maintain. So whenever he wasn’t at high school, Jeremy would be working.
In what little free time Jeremy had, he would draw and sell
his designs and commissions for much less than they were actually worth. During
the evenings he would work the night shift at a convenience store. It wasn’t a
great job, but at least it was quiet. When there were no customers, Jeremy
would sit by the cash register and work on his art or whatever homework was due
in the next day. He survived the exhaustion with a constant stream of energy
drinks to keep him conscious. But the exhaustion still showed. Heavy bags lay
under his eyes, exposing the fact that he often got little to no sleep during
One night, Jeremy looked up to find a man in a dark skull
mask stood in one of the aisles, checking out the selection of snack food.
Request: Imagine your Gemmas niece and your back in Charming. Chibs smut
The car pulled over to the side of the road and you angled the rear-view mirror to look at yourself. You rummaged through your handbag and pulled out your lipstick, and drew it across your lips. You grabbed your eye liner next and redrew your wings and after re applying your mascara you looked over your work. With a wink and a pout to your reflection, you shifted the mirror back into position and lifted the handbrake, driving smoothly back into the traffic and past the ‘Welcome To Charming’ sign. It had been years since you’d left. You had been naive and innocent then, just a young girl searching for herself. But now, you were back. The last few years had been kind to you, and your body had developed into that of a full blown woman. Curves in all the right places, soft skin and long legs. Your hair fell graciously down your back and anywhere you went all eyes were on you. Confidence radiated from you and you bathed in it. You loved the way heads turned when you walked into a room and the way other girls envied you. Sure, some of them were bitchy, but you had been raised by your Aunt Gemma til you were fifteen, and she had taught you to be the biggest bitch of all and not take anyones shit. You were similar to your Aunt in many ways. Neither of you gave a shit what anyone else thought, and nothing could stand in the way of getting what you wanted. You were fiercely loyal and you would do anything to protect the ones you loved. When you left she was still the Queen of SAMCRO, but you had heard that things had changed. A smirk spread across your face as you wondered who the poor bitch was that took Gemma’s place. No matter where your Aunts old man sat, everyone knew that as long as Jax was in SAMCRO, Gemma would always be queen. The familiar streets began to flow past you as you drove, the windows down and the warm air swirling through your car. You knew the way to TM like the back of your hand and before you knew it you were pulling into the lot, the row of hikes a welcome sight. No one knew you were coming and you smirked as you saw what you suspected were Prospects eyeing you from the garage. You didn’t see many familiar faces so you hopped out of your car an headed for the Office. The sound of your heels echoed across the pavement and you smirked as you felt the eyes on you. The door to the office was open and you could see Gemma sitting behind the desk, her head buried in the paperwork in front of her. You leant against the door and knocked lightly. “I’m busy.” Gemma said, without glancing up. A smile spread across your lips and you crossed your arms over your chest. “So you’re still a bitch, huh?” You asked. Gemma’s head snapped up but once she saw you her mouth dropped. “(Y/n)??!!” She gasped and stood up, tossing her glasses to the desk. “Hey Gem.” You grinned at her. You both moved closer and she embraced you in her arms. You squeezed her tightly, realising just how much you had missed her. “What are you doing here?” Gemma asked you, stepping back to look at you. “I heard there was a bitch trying to take your place.” You said with a smirk and Gemma smirked right back at you. “I am so glad your back.”
The clubhouse was exactly the same as you remembered. From the wall of mugshots to the strong smell of liquor and cheap perfume, and the same old rock songs playing through the speakers, just like they had so many years ago. You smiled as you looked around the room, taking in the familiar sight. You were home. “Chucky, get us a drink would you sweetheart?” Gemma called to a man behind the bar and he nodded immediately before grabbing two glasses. You smiled warmly to the strange man and he stuck his ‘hand’ out. You shook it gently and he grinned at you before passing you and Gemma your drinks and she smirked at him. “Thank you, Chucky.” She cooed and he blushed slightly before moving away. “So where is everyone?” You asked as you took a sip, your eyes glancing around the empty room. “Church.” Gemma explained and you nodded. After an hour of catching up with your Aunt both of your attention turned to the large doors as you heard them open, and SAMCRO began to file out. You rested your elbows against the bar behind you and leant back, a smirk on your face as you studied the familiar faces. Jax was the first to notice you and his face lit up with joy. You hopped of the stool and ran towards him, throwing your body into his open arms. He swung you round, squeezing you tightly and you threw your head back and laughed loudly, letting your hair fall down your back. He placed you back on the ground and you both grinned at each other goofily. “Long time no see, Teller.” You smirked and nudged him playfully. A large hand ruffled your hair and you turned only to be wrapped up in a bear hug by Ope. You had always been close with the two, being only two years younger and you had spent a lot of your childhood with them. You grinned and hugged him back. “What took you so long?!” Opie beamed and you grinned back at him. Slowly the familiar faces began to swarm towards you and you embraced each of them dearly. Bobby, Tig, and Uncle Clay. Chibs stood near the back and you smirked at his wide eyes before moving forward and throwing your arms around his neck. “Hey Chibby.” You purred in his ear. His arms held you awkwardly and you fought back a laugh, knowing it was your appearance that was having this affect on him. When you had left Charming you were a young girl, with too much attitude for her own good. But these guys hadn’t seen you in years, and all their jaws were practically hitting the floor as they looked over your now developed figure. He fought to keep his eyes away from your curves and your cleavage and he smiled at you warmly. They introduced you to the others you didn’t know yet, Juice, Happy, and Kozik. Each of them looked you up and down, smirks on their faces as they took you in, but you were used to it. “So how long are you here for?” Jax asked you as he threw an arm over your shoulder and you all walked towards the bar. You shrugged. “Til I get sick of seeing your ugly face.” You smirked up at him and he shoved you playfully, both of you laughing. Soon the drinks started flowing, the music played louder, and the air began to merge with the smoke from ciggarettes and joints. Laughter filled the room and you say with your SAMCRO family, catching up and laughing together about all the things you’d missed.
The sun began to set outside, but you were oblivious. You sat around the clubhouse, all of you well on your way to being drunk as you all belted out the words to ‘You shook me all night long’. You had always been the life of the party, and your friends had always said you were like a chameleon, able to fit in with any crowd no matter your differences. People seemed to relax around you, and tonight you had had everyone in fits of laughter, and for the first time in a long time the boys had forgotten there problems. No one noticed the door to the clubhouse open, and no one notice Tara walk in, her hands on her hips as she looked at the chaos. You were on the table, the boys around you, all of you screaming the lyrics to each other, grins on your faces. Chibs’ eyes were locked on you as you swayed your hips and moved to the music. However you had a habit of getting a bit too excited when you heard ACDC and after swinging your head around the table, your hair flowing, you slipped and your cousin Jax caught you, all of you erupting in laughter. Tara stormed across the room, a scowl on her face as Jax lowered you to the ground. You didn’t see her coming, your back was too her and she stormed up to you. From across the room Gemma watched, a smirk on her face. Tara pushed your shoulder roughly, making your body turn to face her. you looked her up and down, a wicked smirk on your face as you looked her over. She had never met you, and she stepped closer to you, her fists clenched by her sides. “Stay the fuck away from my man.” She spat. You raised your eye brows, and scoffed. “Excuse me?” “Jax is mine, bitch.” She said coldly and she shoved you once more. That was the final straw. Fire filled your bones and your fist collided with her jaw. Her head snapped to the side and she clutched her face in shock before it turned into a scowl. She swung her fist, but you were faster. This time, you got her right in the nose, and a cracking noise confirmed a break. Tara fell to the ground and you leapt on top of her. Fists were flying and you could feel arms trying to lift you off her. But you resisted, despite Tara having her hands wrapped around your hair. With one final blow to her jaw you stopped resisting, letting the strong arms lift you. Before they could carry you away you stared down at her as she looked up at you in shock, blood pouring from her nose. “Your standards have dropped, Jackson.” You said loudly before squatting in front of her. “But luckily for you, bitch, I’m not really into fucking my cousin.”
The strong arms held you firmly and you were marched across the clubhouse. When you turned around you saw it was Chibs leading you and you didn’t mind so much. He led you in silence to the hallway and you walked with your head held high. Tara had managed to get a couple of good hits on you but nothing too major. You might have a couple of bruised and scratches in the morning but you’d been in worse fights before, and you knew you’d look better than her. Chibs opened the door and you followed him in, your eyes scanning the room you realised was his dorm. “Ye alright lass?” He asked you softly. You walked to the bed and flashed him a grin over your shoulder. “Couldn’t be better.” You winked and he chuckled lightly. “Where’d ye learn to fight like that?” He asked you as he moved across the room and both of you sat on the bed. You looked at him and raised you eye brows. “You do remember who raised me, right?” You asked playfully and you both laughed. Chibs reached into the bedside tables drawer and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. His strong hands unscrewed the bottle and he took a long swig before passing the bottle to you. It was smooth down your throat and you passed it back to him. Your fingers touched his as you passed the bottle and you felt a spark of electricity run through you, and warmth began to grow inside you. Chibs placed the bottle on the table and you both sat in silence. Neither of you could deny the sexual chemistry burning in the air. It was just a matter of who would make the first move. Of course, it was you. Slowly, you stood and stepped in front of Chibs. His eyes met yours and you smiled at him, your hands reaching out and running along his shoulders. You lifted your knees onto the bed and sat in his lap, straddling him. His hands touched your thighs and you bit your lip as you looked into his deep eyes. You both moved your heads together, teasing each other, his hands caressing your thighs and your hands running through his hair. His breath was in your lips and you licked your own lips before moving your head forward. His lips were soft on yours, cautious, almost, but the feel of him lit a hunger inside you. You pressed your lips against his once more and ran your tongue across his lip. His hands moved to your waist and he gripped you firmly as his mouth moved with yours. Your hips rolled against him and you moaned softly at the friction, you could feel how hard he was already through your clothes. His hands explored your body, searching desperately across your skin and he lifted your shirt, tossing it behind you. His lips moved down your neck and he sucked roughly at your skin, making you tug gently at his hair. Your hips continued to grind against him and you clutched desperately at him as his lips explored your neck and the curve of your breasts. His hands moved up your back and he unclipped your bra expertly before letting it drop to the floor. You pushed him back on the bed and lay on top of him, your hips grinding against his and your lips pressing against him. His hands were warm on your skin yet they sent shivers through you. His hands dipped under the waist band of your jeans and he held you to him as you rolled your hips against his, both of you moaning. You pushed his kutte off his shoulders and impatient hands unbuttoned his shirt. Chibs rolled you onto your back and you moaned as he pressed his hardness against your core. His lips moved to your breast and he sucked roughly at your nipple, and you gasped as you felt him bite it gently. His hands moved to your jeans and he tugged them down your thighs roughly. His eyes took in every inch of you as he unbuckled his belt and dropped his jeans to the floor, his boxers following instantly. His member stood proudly and you licked your lips as he moved onto the bed and hovered over you. You reached up and kissed his lips softly. His hands moved to your panties and he pushed them to the side before lining himself up at your entrance. You moaned as he rubbed himself against your folds and he pushed forwards slowly. A gasp escaped your lips as he pushed into you and he paused for a moment, letting you adjust to him. You both looked into each other’s eyes before kissing deeply. A list burnt within you and you moved your hips, signalling him to continue. He took the hint and moved his hips against you, both of you moaning at the sensation. His thrusts became deeper and his whole length pulled out of you slowly before slamming back in. Your back arched off the bed and Chibs began to pound into you relentlessly, his hands gripping your legs and his mouth wrapped around the skin in your neck. You felt every inch of his length enter you and you moaned his name. His thrusts became faster, harder, more desperate. “Chibs.” You moaned as he filled you and he growled. Your nails scratched down his back as he moved inside you. His hand ran between your bodies and his thumb reached your clit, rubbing soft circles. “Cum for me little girl.” He growled and you moaned loudly at his words. His thrusts shook your body and you both moaned as you both reached your release. His movements slowed and he rested over you as you both caught your breath. After a moment he lifted his head and pressed his lips to yours softly before rolling off you. You rolled onto your side and smiled at him through hooded eyes. “Well, that was fun.”
In 2008, Paramount Pictures released The Love Guru, a comedy starring Mike Myers. Reviews were scathing, box office returns were dismal, and it’s generally agreed that the film’s failure ended its star’s career. Aside from Shrek Forever After in 2010 (the fourth film in a popular, existing franchise), Myers has not landed a starring role since.
Ten years prior, in 1998, New Line Cinema released The Wedding Singer. Making $123 million to its $18 million budget, it was a massive financial success despite receiving only mild approval from critics. Its star, Adam Sandler, became a household name. Since 1998, not one year has passed without Sandler appearing in a movie in some fashion.
A disquieting possibility occurs to me.
Mr. Sandler’s pictures, for one reason or another, have staying power. Early roles of his are fondly remembered despite their objective shittiness. Have you ever seen him do that pickle thing on SNL? It’s stupid as hell, but no one calls it that. More recent roles–your Grown Ups, your Jack and Jills, your Pixels–earn mockery and incredulity, but also prompt a kind of transfixed fascination. You’ve seen the reactions, I’m sure, the memes and the dissections…but no one says what we all know, deep down.
These movies should not exist. Adam Sandler should not have a career.
When I say they should not exist, that isn’t code for ‘they’re bad.’ Of course they’re bad. I mean there is no logical precedent for their existence. If what we learned from The Love Guru is true–and nine years of scientific studies firmly uphold what we have learned–then Sandler’s career should have withered and died long ago. An actor simply can not make that many critical flops and stay relevant. You can’t just do the same thing, unchanged, unchallenged, for going on twenty years. The audience would realize the joke is on them, sooner or later. The tickets would go unsold.
Yet his movies are successful. Yet, he stays.
Some have suggested that he is really a savvy businessman, and knows how to market and produce these movies to be just successful enough. Some have gone a step further and suggested he participates in dubiously legal activity, and his films are engineered to be massive tax evasion schemes.
The truth is far more sinister. Sandler is eternal. I can’t prove it and I don’t expect you to believe me. Hell, I doubt you’ll even see this– I’ve sent drafts of this essay to every scientific journal under the sun, to TIME Magazine, to the LA Times, and People too. The words they saw were not what I wrote. They couldn’t see the numbers. I held my proof in front of their faces and they looked at me like I was insane, said I was raving and there was nothing in my hands.
He’s done something. Any publishing outlet above a certain level of notoriety just cannot see criticism of him. They can’t comprehend it, won’t publish it, won’t hear it when you speak to them. You write things about him and the words…change. Your tongue fails you. You don’t know it’s happened until much later and if you try too often, God, I think you don’t know at all. I think he’s been here a lot longer than the documentation suggests, I don’t think SNL was the start of it, okay, I’ve seen pictures, daguerreotypes,illustrations going back decades.
Did he make a deal? Is this just…something within him? I don’t know. I had a nightmare. I’ve never told anyone this. In 2009 I went to see Funny People and halfway through, halfway through the movie he’s there, on a stage, he’s talking about MySpace–and I thought that was weird because it was 2009, who was still on MySpace?–and the audience was laughing and I squinted and I wasn’t 16 anymore I was 70. I was an old man. I was in the theater with my grandkids, little precious grandkids, and I took them to see Bushido Burger, which was some movie he made where he was like, a samurai running a fast food chain? Maybe it was just his restaurant’s gimmick? He was yelling a lot, he was going booboo dinky doopy doo in that squeaky voice he does, Vince Vaughn was trying to act cool, and I was so confused, because everyone was laughing at that but all I could see was Sandler, Adam Sandler looking at me, and he looked exactly the same. Fifty four years had gone by since I saw Funny People and spilled my popcorn on my khaki shorts and he was the same. He smiled right at me and I wanted to say something, I wanted to yell, but an old man yelling in a theater–they’d think I was crazy, wouldn’t they? They’d want to put grandpa away, right? He winked at me. He said do it, old man. Speak. Name me and draw me out of this silver screen and see what happens. See if you’re still strong, still fast, still cunning enough to beat me. Aren’t you tired? Aren’t you so, so frail and small and tired of trying to prove what you know?
I blinked. It was 2009. Seth Rogen was talking. Adam Sandler was listening, watching, as he did.