the result is hilarious

Watching Kimi no na wa
  • What you expected: Cute highschoolers swapping bodies which results in hilarious shenanigans and the unexpected budding romance.
  • What you got: fuCKING PLOT TWIST BECAUSE SWAPPING BODIES IS APPARENTLY NOT ENOUGH. MOTHERFUCKER KICK IN THE GUTS RIGHT WHERE YOUR FEELS HURT THE MOST. PLOT TWIST AGAIN. THE AGONY™. SOUL EATING SUSPENSE. YOUR HEART RIPPED OUT OF YOUR CHEST. TORTURED FEELS. ARE THEY GONNA MAKE IT? ARE THEY GONNA MISS EACH OTHER AGAIN??? ARE THEY GONNA REMEMBER!!?? I DIDN'T FUCKING SING UP FOR THIS I WAS NOT READY. LOVE STORY OF THE CENTURY. CHEWING YOUR NAILS AND SOBBING INTO A PILLOW UNTIL THE VERY LAST SECOND OF THIS FORSAKEN MOVIE.

Wholesome Week Day 7 - AU OF CHOICE

I was really happy with how this one turned out so I figured I’d post it a little early.

SURPRISE!!!

So in this Alternate Universe @moringmark@spatziline and their pet pig move into the Diaz’s neighborhood. The two quickly befriend Star and Marco, and join them on their adventures (with hilarious results). Also, Mr. and Mrs. Diaz love them to bits. Sugaritos are their new favorite food.

“Why is your pig wearing sunglasses?”

“His future’s so bright, he’s gotta wear shades!”

“Oink.”

I don’t know why I’ve been obsessed with the idea of Grantaire, Joly and Bossuet having a cooking youtube channel together.

  • They don’t even know how to cook that well. They were just bored one day, picked up a camera and filmed each other messing around in the kitchen
  • Bossuet is good at editing, and is a comedy genius, so the end result was hilarious. They put it online and went viral
  • Every episode begins by Joly greeting the audience by something related to the recipe of the day: “Hello Bumble Bees!” “Hello Sunny-side eggs!” “Hello Beans!” “Hello Apples of my eye!”
  • Bossuet makes puns. Constantly. He’s also in charge of the realisation
  • Grantaire makes up songs as they go, improvising melodies and rhymes
  • People adore their content, and you can see the quality improving all the time as they get better equipment and as they become better cooks
  • Other Amis are slowly introduced as guests
  • Courfeyrac wants a rainbow cake with a twist
  • Jehan gives them vegan challenges
  • Combeferre does special “Food Facts” episodes. People are screaming in the comments because of his rolled sleeves and tattoos
  • The audience starts to pick up the Enjoltaire vibe and the shipping is HUGE online, which embarrasses Grantaire and Enjolras immensely, because neither can face their feelings
  • It becomes even more intense when Enjolras is invited to make a cake on the show and they start throwing flour at each other
  • There may have been a floury hand print on Enjolras’ ass
  • Shippers go wild

I got up on Election Day and burst into tears — not a genteel twin trickle but a great heaving burst, zero to firehose. Tears spattered the inside of my glasses, dripped from my lips, and left mascara-tinged rosettes blooming black in my cereal milk.

“Honey,” my husband crooned to me. “Honey, it’s going to be O.K. The numbers are still good. It’s O.K.”

But it wasn’t the numbers. I wasn’t sobbing because I was afraid Hillary Clinton was going to lose. That would come later. I was sobbing Tuesday morning because, as I poured my coffee, I’d caught a glimpse of a cable news interview with Mrs. Clinton just after she voted for herself in Chappaqua, N.Y. She seemed breathless, exhilarated, a little overwhelmed. Over her shoulder, Bill Clinton stared at his wife and beamed.

My husband stares at me like that sometimes. It’s not just love — we expect husbands to love their wives — but something less traditional, more conditional and gendered. It’s professional respect. It’s pride.

We’re accustomed to that pride flowing the other direction, from wife to husband, because men in our culture get to be more than just bodies, do more than just nurture. Men get to act and excel and climb and aspire and thrive and win and rule and be the audacious, hungry fulcrum of public life. It is normal for men to have ambition. It is normal for women to stand aside.

I thought about Bill Clinton meeting Hillary Rodham at Yale in 1971, and how tenacious and intense she must have been even back then, how undeniable and potent. Mr. Clinton describes the moment in his memoir. “She conveyed a sense of strength and self-possession I had rarely seen in anyone, man or woman,“ he wrote. “She was in my face from the start.” He says he once told her, during those years, “I have met all the most gifted people in our generation and you’re the best.”

And then I thought about Mr. Clinton rising steadily through his political career, on the track we have built for charismatic, competent white men. He must have known, every second, how good his wife was. Not just good, but “the best.” Better than everyone he’d ever met; better than him, even. And he watched her stand next to him and wait, and wait, and wait, underestimated and degraded and excoriated for wanting more out of life than cookies.

And she didn’t quit! She swallowed slander and humiliation and irrational hatred for three decades and she didn’t quit, and here she was, just a hair’s breadth from the presidency of the United States — the first woman ever to be trusted with the rudder of the world. He must be so proud of her, I thought. It made me cry.

I cried because I want my daughters to feel that blazing pride, that affirmation of their boundless capacity — not from their husbands, but from their world, from the atmosphere, from inviolable wells of certainty inside themselves. I cried because it’s not fair, and I’m so tired, and every woman I know is so tired. I cried because I don’t even know what it feels like to be taken seriously — not fully, not in that whole, unequivocal, confident way that’s native to handshakes between men. I cried because it does things to you to always come second.

Whatever your personal opinion of the Clintons, as politicians or as human beings, that dynamic is real. We, as a culture, do not take women seriously on a profound level. We do not believe women. We do not trust women. We do not like women.

I understand that many men cannot see it, and plenty more do not care. I know that many men will read this and laugh, or become defensive, or call me hysterical, or worse, and that’s fine. I am used to it. It doesn’t make me wrong.

But maybe this election was the beginning of something new, I thought. Not the death of sexism, but the birth of a world in which women’s inferiority isn’t a given.

That grain of hope glowed inside me until around dinner time on Tuesday, the final day of an election so openly misogynist that the question “Sexual assault: good or bad?” was credulously presented for debate.

Today doesn’t feel real. It is indistinguishable from fresh, close grief. But if there’s one lesson we can take from Mrs. Clinton, politics aside — and even Donald Trump acknowledged it in the second debate — it’s the limitlessness of human endurance. Those of us who have been left in the cold by this apparent affirmation of a white supremacist patriarchy (and sorry, white women who voted for Mr. Trump, but your shelter is illusory) are tough.

We have been weathering this hurricane wall of doubt and violence for so long, and now, more crystalline than ever, we have an enemy and a mandate. We have the smirking apotheosis of our oppression sliming, paw-first, toward our genitals. We have the popular vote. We have proof, in exit polls, that white women will pawn their humanity for the safety of white supremacy. We have abortion pills to stockpile and neighbors to protect and children to teach. We have the right woman to find. We have local elections in a year.

The fact that we lost doesn’t make us wrong; the fact that they don’t believe in us doesn’t make us disappear.

—  “Her Loss” by Lindy West in the NYT
3

Me and my friend found this scene hilarious and that resulted in this little piece of art and as my friend commented on picture two:


“I have to take advantage of my body being feminine
I mean don’t a lot of proper ladies learn to balance books on their heads”
GONNA TAKE IT A STEP FURTHER. FUCKING TEA SET ON MY FOOT.“

Use the pictures as you see fit xD

Stercus Accidit

We normally wouldn’t post our own writing here, as it goes against our rules, but today we’re making an exception.  This is our co-written contribution to the @xfficchallenges dialogue only challenge.  We may or may not have gotten a little drunk last night, and this is the result.  We hope you think it’s as hilarious as we did, because we couldn’t stop laughing.

Authors: @kateyes224 and @piecesofscully
Timeline: Season 6, somewhere in the middle of Texas.
Rated: PG-13 (for coarse language and potty humor)



“…and my informant promised me he’d meet us at the rendezvous with the photographs he took of the UFO.  I’m really excited about this, Scully, this is the first legitimate sighting I’ve come across since Antarctica, and I just…Scully, are you okay?  You’re not looking super hot.”

“I’m fine. Just feeling a little queasy.  Keep going; since Antarctica?”

“Oh, since Antarctica there have been only a half dozen or so sightings that have been anywhere near legitimate, and I’ve been thinking, would someone in Roswell, New Mexico, be more likely or less-”

“Mulder, does the air conditioning go any higher?”

“Uh, no, I think it’s at the highest setting.  Anyway, Roswell has been a notorious hotbed for UFO activity since the 1940s, as you know, but lately sightings have been more sporadic-”

“Can you, um, oh wow, could you roll down the window or something?”

“Scully, it’s like 115 degrees outside.  It’s way cooler inside the car than it is outside.  Is something wrong?”

“No! No, I just, is it hot in here? It feels really hot in here.  How many more miles until we reach the next rest area?”

“Uhhh, I think I remember a sign about fifty miles back that said it’d be another fifty miles.  Why?  Are you okay, Scully?”

“Do you have any Tums?  I mean, with the garbage that you consume on a daily basis, I assume you carry some sort of antacids.  Give me one.”

“I’m sorry, Scully, I don’t usually need them.  I’ve, uh, I’ve been blessed with kind of a rock solid gut.  Which is really great for me, given my proclivity for gas station sushi and Velveeta.”

“Oh, my God.  It’s rolling.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It’s my…wow, it’s my stomach.  I knew I shouldn’t have let you talk me into that wet chimichanga, Mulder, my stomach is churning.”

“Oh.  Oh God.  Ummm…do you need me to pull over?”

“On the side of the road?!  No, Mulder, there’s nothing but sand and tumbleweeds out here!  Just keep driving.”

“Scully, it’s okay.  There’s no shame in popping a squat.  I promise I won’t look.  I think we have some napkins in the glove compartment or something…”

“Mulder, please, I’m begging you, stop talking and drive faster.”

“Okay.  So our informant allegedly has some kind of intel from a source on Sheppard Air Force Base’s drone project, which Langly told me a few months ago has been-”

“Oh, God, please shut up.  I need to concentrate- oh my god, Mulder, why won’t my window roll down?  My button’s stuck, Mulder, roll my window down.”

“Sorry, Scully, I think the child proof window lock was engaged.  Here, let me see if I can…there, is that a little better?  It’s still over a hundred degrees outside, Scully, I’m not sure why you-”

“For the love of all things holy, stop talking! I need quiet and the wind in my…Mul- Mulder, pull on my sleeve.  I need to take my blazer- Oh, God, now it’s coming in waves…”

“Here, just give me your arm.  There, is that a little better?  What do you mean, ‘it’s coming in waves?’  You’re looking really red, Scully, are you sure you’re okay?”

“How is there not a rest stop for another fifty miles?  What kind of hell state has rest stops so far apart?  Okay, okay, wait.  It’s getting better, I think it’s going away.”

“What’s going away?  Scully…is there something you need to tell me?”

“No, I’m fine.  I don’t think that Tex-Mex agreed- Oh, God. Oh, no. Shit, Mulder, you need to pull over.  Now, right now.  Pull over, pull over.”

“Scully, there’s nothing but desert as far as they eye can see.  Are you sure you can’t wait?”

“I, um, holy sonofabitch.  Now, Mulder, pull over now!  It’s imminent.”

“Imminent?!  Jesus, Scully, there’s…uh, I guess there’s a cactus over there that might offer you some protection?”

“It feels like there’s a brick with claws sitting in my lower abdomen.  I don’t care, pull the damn car over, and give me the napkin!”

“A brick with claws? Jesus, Scully, that’s…graphic.  Hey, I think I remember an X-File about that, ha. Okay, I can tell you’re not in the mood to joke right now, so, uh…listen, we haven’t passed another car for the last ten miles so I don’t think anyone will-”

“THE NAPKIN! Mulder, give me the damn napkin!”

“Do you want me to get it a little wet, Scully?  ‘Cause that might feel a little better on your…”

“I’ll, uh, I’ll be right back-”

“Okay, Scully, vaya con Dios!  Or, ya know, vaya con…ya know…whatever. Just let me know if you need any, uh, you know…help…or…something.”

“…Oh my god, please no, please no, just a little further.  Just get behind the cactus, Dana…I, shit.  Shit!  Oh, God, Mulder.  Mulder!”

“SCULLY!  Hold on, I’ll be right there!  Just let me-!”

“It’s the spines on the cactus, I can’t hold on to it.  Just… my hand.  Hurry, I need you to hold my hand.”

“Okay, no problem.  Um…Here, just squat down and I’ll support your weight..”

“Don’t look at me! Mulder, do NOT look at me, turn around!  Oh, God, I can’t hold it…”

“It’s okay, I’ve got you, Scully.  Just, uh…there.  Just rest back on your ankles.  I’m not looking, I swear to God.  Just let it go, Scully.”

“God, I swear, I will never touch Tex-Mex again if you- oh God, oh my god, Mulder, don’t listen. Can you sing or something?”

“Sing?!  Okay, ummm…

‘Love…is a burning thing…
And it makes a fiery ring.
Bound by wild desire,
I fell into, a ring of fire…’ ”

“The Ring of Fire? Really, Mulder?”

“I fell into a burning ring of fire,
I went down, down, down,
And the flames went higher,
And it burns, burns, burns,
The ring of fire…the ring of fire…”

“Shitshitshit… Um, Mulder, the napkin…it’s, uh, it’s not enough.”

“What?  Uh, wow, okay…well I don’t have any Kleenex or anything so unless you want me to give you my tie I don’t think-”

“Your tie, give me your tie.”

“Scully, no. I was only joking, and besides, I love this tie!  Frohike gave me this tie.”

“Mulder, just give me the damn tie!”

“Fine. But you know what, you owe me, Scully. And you get to explain this to Melvin when he asks why I never wear my UFO tie anymore.”

“Mulder, we are never to speak of this again.  And, for the love of God, stop humming Ring of Fire.”

Eat like a bird

This phrase is hilariously wrong when taken to mean what it usually means. Birbs are hungry little things, since they have fast metabolisms and they burn a lot of calories when flying. Many birbs eat as much or more than their own weight each day. If humans ate like birds we would die.

The reason I was thinking about this is that was writing a headcanon about how Starscream can eat a hilariously large amount of Energon. I figure all Seekers carry and use more fuel than other frame types, because they burn it so fast and shoot it out the back of their engines when they fly. Military Seekers like Starscream fly a lot and refuel a lot.

So I looked up some numbers. Now the energy content of Energon seems like it would be higher than gas or jet fuel, so Cybertronians could carry less fuel than their Earthly equivalents, but lets just use these as ballpark figures for the sake of proportion. The results were hilarious.

An F16 weighs less than 10 tons, and carries 3.5 tons of fuel! By comparison a truck similar to Optimus’s style weighs over 17 tons without the trailer, and holds less than a ton of fuel. Their weight can more than double with a loaded trailer but at least in TFP, Optimus almost never pulls a trailer and it’s safe to assume most Cybertronian trucks don’t often do that.

It’s worth noting that Starscream is only about 60% the size of an F16, even in jet mode, so he’d weigh like 6 tons and carry 2.1 tons of fuel, fully fueled. Still, imagine him eating more than twice as much as a big bot like Optimus in one sitting.

Even an Abrams tank, which weighs a whopping 68 tons, carries a measly 2.1 tons of fuel, so Starscream could eat as much as Megatron in his old frame before he converted to a flyer. It’s probably safe to assume Megatron can carry a lot more fuel now, but he doesn’t have wings for auxiliary tanks and therefore probably has somewhere in between his old fuel capacity and that of an actual Seeker. Plus I doubt he weighs 68 tons anymore. If OP weighs around 17 tons, maybe Megs weighs somewhere in the mid 20s?

Anyway yeah, these numbers are only vague approximations when carried over into Cybertronian frames rather than Earth vehicles, and I’m sure the high energy content of Energon means they can all carry less weight in fuel, but it’s fun to think about. The gist of it is that Seekers are hungry little dudes XD Also big Seekers like Dreadwing and HUGE Seekers like Jetfire would be like bottomless pits and use so much fuel! I think even though they would eat a tremendous amount, it wouldn’t stand out as much somehow as a little wisp of the Seeker who’s all wings and legs sitting there and downing twice as much fuel as the giants sitting next to him. Somehow I think it also has to do with Starscream’s general shamelessness - bigger, more reserved Seekers like Jetfire might eat a similar amount to other people they’re eating with, and fuel themselves more throughout the rest of the day. Also, if they’re in a lab more and only fly a little, they could make their fuel last much longer than an active Air Command soldier or scout who flies all day, which is why Starscream would often be hungry and eat Jetfire’s food ^^ (The fact that he still did that even when he was working on science and not scouting or sparring is mighty suspicious though)

jaderezi is one of those crackships that the forces just naturally encourage you to ship. it’s hard to describe, but they are both dave and karkat’s adorable yet rather creepy wildchild friends/ex girlfriends, and they are both close to john, and they both love drawing, but you know that the way terezi and jade interact with people is so different that if they talked to each other for 5 minutes you would get hilarious results. 

additionally theyre both the princesses of the troll kingdom. and the one piece of dialogue terezi threw at jade was referencing black solicitacions from other characters. what is this

Heath Ledger photobooth photos from the Hilhaven Lodge: The Photo Booth Pictures by Brett Ratner

Red-hot Hollywood director Brett Ratner (Rush Hour, Rush Hour II, Red Dragon, and an upcoming mega blockbuster soon to be announced), lives in Ingrid Bergman’s old manse, Hilhaven Lodge. In this house, Ratner has an old-fashion, black-and-white photo booth, and into this photo booth Ratner has enticed a cornucopia of white-hot celebrities, outsized personalities, and rare public legends, all of whom voluntarily vogued, posed, and made silly faces without makeup, wardrobe, or lighting, for four quick shots. The result is a hilarious and revealing look at generally famous people being silly and, well, normal.

straight cis white people telling us not to be angry is hilarious and by hilarious i mean the result of a fundamental misunderstanding of what reality is going to be like for people of color, lgbt+ people, immigrants, disabled people, jewish people, and every other minority group that trump and pence have spent their whole campaign smearing.

6

Disney’s Mix & Match Villains by Eric and Susan Goldberg

Genie animator Eric Goldberg and his wife Susan have created this BEAUTIFUL and RIDICULOUS book where you take the iconic Disney villains (Maleficent, Cruella De Vil, Jafar, Ursula, the Queen of Hearts, Ratcliffe, Frollo, etc.) and mix and match their costumes, faces and legs to come up with some truly hilarious results. What’s more, the text also changes according to your mixing, as does the appearance of the side-kicks and protagonists!

Best of all, Disney’s Mix and Match Villains Book is currently selling for ONE CENT on Amazon! Click here to order.

Post-Season Character Analysis 3: Peridot

(don’t get your triangles in a knot you wonderful little gremlin)

(Disclaimer:  I am a liveblog!  I’ve seen up through episode 105, Know Your Fusion, and all analysis and assertions made herein are based upon such information as I have received to this point.  Please don’t spoil me about future events in the reblogs!)

Man, what more do I even say, here?

Peridot’s redemption arc was one of the best-handled parts of the entire show.  Now that she’s fully a Crystal Gem (when star outfit) it’ll be interesting to see where she goes.  While I’ve seen the start of season 4 and the delightful Looney Tunes homage that was Kindergarten Kid, Season 3 is our topic of discussion today; I wish we’d gotten to see Peridot go on a mission before that, but watching her interact with Lapis and then the *hilarious* result of the timeskip before we saw them again was a delightful way to bring the character to a state of normalcy.  Her actions in regards to Jasper really speak to how much the character has grown (and how much Jasper has refused to), and how she’s come to embrace everything she once looked down on about the Earth.  Peridot’s going to be a focus character, I hope, as she gets to know more about life on Earth and goes on more missions with the other Crystal Gems (star outfit when).

Welcome to freedom, Peridot.  It’s good to have you along for the ride, even if Tumblr doesn’t recognize yOUR GODDAMN NAME

It was just a joke. The tears you cried were from laughter, remember!
That bruise on your leg was the result of a hilarious prank, we didn’t throw you under a bus we tickled you into the road!
Kids playing at being grown up! That’s why we tore your skirt and pinned you down!
Don’t be such a spoilsport, we like our games, you’re the board and the pieces and we move faster and grip harder the more we play!
—  ThisNameIsFalse (play pretend)