the real illuminati

Tag Yourself Meme: Marina and The Diamonds Edition

How To Be A Heartbreaker

  • kind of a hoe
  • makes bullet journals 
  • pure
  • probably gay

Primadonna

  • The petty friend™
  • eyeliner
  • “I’m too gay for this”
  • P I N K

The Outsider

  • “normal people scare me” 
  • has a lot of tattoos
  • ‘i’m a heckin wild card’
  • middle fingers up

I Am Not A Robot

  • spend too much time on Instagram
  • bitch™
  • has a million friends
  • the best handwriting

The State of Dreaming

  • “reality is an illusion you fuck”
  • drinks too much coffee
  • anxiety
  • sleeps a lot

Valley Of The Dolls

  • knows everything
  • ***sighs*** ***looks out window***
  • Dramatic™
  • loves the rain

Mowgli’s Road

  • ??????? honestly
  • living for the aesthetic
  • sings all the time
  • loud

Bubblegum Bitch

  • eats a lot of candy
  • honestly just wants to get laid and watch netflix
  • wardrobe is like 99% pink
  • blood is comprised of Diet Coke and sarcasm

Can’t Pin Me Down

  • listens to a lot of Beyonce 
  • livestreams concerts
  • memes
  • in a permanent state of eyeroll

Girls

  • EDGY™
  • prolly listens to MCR 
  • has no time for your petty shit
  • bloodstream is like 98% tea

Hollywood

  • reads Jane Austen
  • pretty
  • OH. MY. G A W D!
  • “fuck the government”

Oh No!

  • hot mess
  • “i tried to make ramen in a coffee machine and burned down the house by accident”
  • broke af but still spends all their money on food
  • owns a cactus

Seventeen

  • gets carded at the bar
  • dances a lot
  • “i fucked up bad but i fucked up proudly”
  • has no time

Better Than That

  • the Mom Friend™
  • angry and will fight you
  • like 5 feet tall
  • likes sex

Radioactive

  • prolly at a rave right now
  • just wants a hug
  • “fuck”
  • thirsty af 

Rootless

  • never stops thinking
  • “sorry what i wasn’t listening”
  • takes pictures of shit like chairs in a bathroom and gets 10k likes on insta
  • “that cloud looks like Benedict Cumberbatch” 

Electra Heart

  • smoked weed that one time
  • a bit mean but it’s cool because they fabulous af
  • “y’all need jesus”
  • lives in the city

Sex Yeah

  • “i’d hit that”
  • ***eggplant emoji***
  • THE ILLUMINATI IS REAL AF
  • likes hamilton a lot

Starring Role

  • made of stone
  • don’t give a fuck
  • photogenic
  • living version of the arthur fist meme

Lies

  • emotional™
  • “what do you mean i’m not like other girls i like other girls”
  • done with everything
  • alcohol 

Teen Idle

  • “but MoOoOooooOOOOOM”
  • depression™
  • shops at Urban Outfitters
  • old soul
¿Y si en la vida somos en realidad reptilianos venidos de otra galaxia y simulamos esta vida con una droga potente de esa galaxia? ¿no? bueno ya no vuelvo a fumar hierba.
the signs as conspiracy theories
  • Aries: berenstein/berenstain universes
  • Taurus: reptiles are running america
  • Gemini: fake moon landing
  • Cancer: area 51
  • Leo: people don't need to drink water, thirst is just an addiction
  • Virgo: angelica from the rugrats was schizophrenic and the characters were part of her imagination
  • Libra: hurricanes are controlled by the russian mafia
  • Scorpio: bush did 9/11
  • Sagittarius: the world ended in 2012
  • Capricorn: tupac is still alive
  • Aquarius: paul mccartney died in 1966
  • Pisces: illuminati run the world

it’s kinda sad now that new gravity falls fans won’t get to experience the ultimate, incredibly satisfactory reveal that was finding out that ford and the stan twin theory were real

Woah, have you guys seen this Phase 4 image? @murdocisgod and I extracted it from the Goillaz website… Do you thi̺n̶͙͕͔̮k̥̺͙ ͉͉̜̖i͉̙̖̞t̛̥͓̱̘̖̣ͅ ̤̲m̬e͚̻̩a̕ņ̥̪s̲̣̣̪ a̦̯̻̥̼̳͚͎͔̠̦͢͜n̴̡̜̖̼͚͕̯̱͢͡ͅy̴̡͇͍̖͚̠̰͔̥̺̹͇̩̞̥̜t̸̡̛̯̻̩̲͕̥͕̗̯͈̜̝͕̘̦͢ͅḩ̴͏̜͕̤͍͍í̟̬̫̱̞̣̰̤̖̯͇͜͠n͝҉̧̺̥̪̫̩̤̲͈͕̭̠̻̫̳̗̗͜͡ͅg̷͇̗̻̩̮͈͟͝?͏͏̹͈̖̳̱͇̹̣̬̘̻͘͠

guys guys just think

dan and phil getting a dog would be a huge commitment. we all know phil would beg for a puppy, so that’s about ten-thirteen years of caring for a pet together (average lifespan is 10-13 years, so just guesstimating) and it will be together because it’ll be their irl child so we’re looking towards pinof 21 over here and if the 2022 thing comes true *fingers crossed* they’ll be celebrating their ninth wedding anniversary by the time the dog presumably dies. dan and phil have three channels, between amazingphil, danisnotonfire, and danandphilgames, and nine divided by three is three. there are three sides to every triangle, and the triangle is the symbol of the illuminati. therefore dan and phil are obviously in the illuminati and beyonce and jay-z are forcing them to get this dog we must help them

THE SIGNS// stereotype ||| real life
  • Aries:
  • Stereotype/ IMMA FUCK U UP DUDE, IM FUCKING ANGRY, LETS GOOOOOOOO
  • Real life/ Just needs a cookie
  • Taurus:
  • Stereotype/ touch my food, I'll break your neck, bitch
  • Real life/ calm as fuck and an actual art mom
  • Gemini:
  • Stereotype/ supports trump and WiLL sTaBb YOOOu In ThA BaCk
  • Real life/ very smart and loves late night conversations
  • Cancer:
  • Stereotype/ *just came out of the fkin whomb*
  • Real life/ will not take shit from you and also loves sweets
  • Leo:
  • Stereotype/ BOW DOWN BITCHEZ, I'm your queen
  • Real life/ Actually insecure and regrets a lot of decisions they made
  • Virgo:
  • Stereotype/ *cricket noices* BORINNGGGGG
  • Real life/ such a smol bean and doesn't want to grow up
  • Libra:
  • Stereotype/ WOW, SUCH NICE. VERY PRETTY, LOTS CHARMING, MUCH SWEET
  • Real life/ can actual be A real bitch and talks behind ppls back
  • Scorpio:
  • Stereotype/ sex addicts "its not a phase mom"
  • Real life/ sweethearts and very pretty
  • Sagittarius:
  • Stereotype/ A WORLD TRAVELING FUCKING MEME
  • Real life/ v smart and slightly egoistic
  • Capricorn:
  • Stereotype/ Mr. Krabs from Spongebob #MOnEeyyyy
  • Real life/ actually very sensitive and sooo sweet
  • Aquarius:
  • Stereotype/ an alien created by the illuminati
  • Real life/ fucking cool and passionate about what they love, also v hot
  • Pisces:
  • Stereotype/ Stoned crybaby, HAPPY 420 PEOPLE
  • Real life/ sensitive and just wants hugs but also is to confused to get what is going on
  • -
  • REBLOG WITH YOUR SIGN IN THE TAGS
👽SPOOKY PETER HEADCANONS👽

so basically whilst me and @cosmic-clara / @put-in-writing were catching up, we somehow started talking about how much we adored watching the buzzfeed unsolved videos and that escalated into an hour long conversation about how modern!peter is a SLUT for conspiracy theories/ghost/aliens/and pretty much EVERYTHING SUPERNATURAL RELATED! so without further ado, here’s some headcanons from me and clara!

(aka, the one where peter is like mulder and his s/o is like scully)

  • peter has always been super interested in supernatural stuff because “IT’S SO FUCKING COOL BABE”
    • but his obsession really started when you guys were procrastinating and started watching the buzzfeed unsolved videos
    • he 100% can and will sit and watch all of them in one sitting
      • and he always low key freaks out because “THIS SOUNDS SO FUCKING LEGIT BABE”
        •  “I KNOW THE ILLUMINATI AREN’T REAL BUT LIKE….. what if they can hear me say that….” “peter oh my god”
      • some nights he’ll poke you until you’re awake and be like “so…. do you think that the clintons are apart of the illuminati and are shapeshifting lizard people? it sounds plausible” “GO TO SLEEP PETER” “but i kNOW THEY ARE” and then he proceeds to delve into a deep theory and you’re just about to lose your shit
        • (he’s tried to get charles to look into the clintons minds to see if he can ‘read’ their lizard thoughts)
        • (charles has lost count how many times he’s asked)
  • he ALWAYS nonchalantly will be like “wow i can’t believe we ACTUALLY didn’t land on the moon”
    • kurt is literally SHOOK when he hears that
    • everyone has to stop peter from explaining to kurt a theory that will last four hours
  • peter almost cried when charles told him that JFK was a mutant
  • when he’s sick he’s always like “i can’t take medicine, it’s a ploy by the government to control our minds-” “peter just take the fucking advil or i won’t suck your dick”
  • one of his favorite cases is the zodiac killer!!
    • (his favorite meme is 100% that ted cruz is the zodiac killer. it’s confirmed that peter made posters with ted cruz’s face next to the police sketch and hung them around school)
    • he’ll take you to the crime scenes to look for clues because he’s 100% convinced that the zodiac is still out there
      • if it’s dark and he hears a noise he’ll dash out of there and back to the car LEAVING YOU THERE
        • “PETER THIS IS HOW PEOPLE DIE JFC”
  • a lot of your dates consist of UFO hunting!
    • you take a picnic basket, loads of blankets, and take a truck out to a remote field where he’s researched to be a UFO hotspot and you guys sit out there with binoculars
      • he takes a picture of you wrapped in blankets and looking up at the stars with binoculars and captions it “UFO hunting with my lady. #BEAMUSUP”
  • HIS FAVORITE SHOW IS THE X-FILES!
    • you bought him that iconic ‘i want to believe’ poster and he almost cried from happiness
    • you guys have gone as mulder and scully for halloween multiple times!!
  • another favorite show of his is supernatural! (”i only like the first three seasons though, there’s way more monsters!”)
    • he has a little journal in which while he’s watching, he’ll take notes “just in case” (there are a lot of little doodles in there, too!)
    • one day while you’re cleaning your room you find salt on the windowsill, and you sigh
      • your first thought is “peter u fucking trash can” but then you realize it’s kiNDA SWEET? because he just wants to make sure you’re safe 100% of the time
      • he also buys you deans amulet one year for your birthday because he again, wants you safe all the time
        • when you kiss him and thank you warren says “that’s not the only protection she’ll need tonight ;–)”
    • peter has dozens of the temporary demon protection tattoos from the show!
    • one time you walk in to your room and he’s mumbling something in latin and you’re like “damn peter back at it again with the freaky ghost shit” SO WHEN YOU ASK HIM WHAT HE’S DOING HE’S JUST LIKE “it’s a protection spell!”
  • peter is a huge slut for that cheesy ghost adventures show, omfg
    • his favorite episode is this one


    • you actually enjoy this one a lot because its HILARIOUS
    • he would totally act like that around ghosts, omfg
      • he’d here a noise and fucking BOLT
      • “PETER THE GHOST JUST WANTS TO CHILL IT’S FINE” “NO GHOST EVER JUST WANTS TO CHILL BABE”
  • peter get’s really into ghosts after he takes a picture of you in the mansion one day, and there’s multiple little orbs behind your shoulder
    • that’s the start of his obsession with finding the ghost in the mansion
      • “peter it’s a camera flare omfg” “….that’s what it wants us to think…..”
    • you buy him a cheap ghost detector for his birthday one year as a joke, but he actually get’s SUPER excited
      • he uses it everyday, tbh!
      • he walks around the halls with it and JFC does the beeping get annoying
      • one time at like four a.m. it went off and peter freaks out because it’s not the usual beeping, it’s like erratic beeping
        • “BABE THE GHOST IS HERE OH MY GOD” “peter it probably just needs new batteries” “but bABE” “go to sleep before i start screaming”
      • charles has to confront him one day because “you’re scaring the younger students”
        • “you know what should scare them more? GHOSTS, you should be thanking me that i’m patrolling” “peter, that is a childs toy.”
  • PETER MAXIMOFF IS IN LOVE WITH STRANGER THINGS
    • he really is protective of the boys because he relates to them hella, especially when they get bullied
    • so you just let him cuddle into you as you watch!!
  • DON’T IMAGINE PETER DRESSING UP IN A GHOSTBUSTERS SUIT!
    • HE’LL GO AROUND WITH HIS GHOST DETECTOR SAYING “WHO YA GONNA CALL?!” AND “I AIN’T AFRAID OF NO GHOST!”
      • (he asked hank to make him ghost hunting weapons like in ghostbusters)
      • (hank said no)
    • he bought you one and threw at you and said “PUT IT ON BABE WE’RE GOING GHOST HUNTING”
      • (you’re both low key attracted to each other in the costumes)
    • one day while you’re in the hallway you see peter bolt by in his ghostbusters costume and you’re just like “peter, back at it again” but then you see 10 little boys in ghostbusters costumes chasing after him!!
      • PETER STARTS A GHOSTBUSTERS CLUB WITH ALL THE LITTLE BOYS WHO GET PICKED ON BY THE OTHER KIDS
      • they all make little cardboard ghost detectors so they can follow peter around with them
        • (it’s low key bc peter didn’t want them to mess with actual ghosts shh)
          • charles wants to call him out on it but the kids are so happy with him 
          • so he lets it happen
      • one night you go to your shared room only to find peter surrounded by the boys with a light under his chin, telling scary stories
        • peter gave you the happiest little grin you almost DIED inside
        • you see the way peter makes them all giggle and laugh and that’s just a reminder of why you love him
    • somewhere along the way the little girls made you the leader of their female ghostbusters squad!
      • you and the girls are always in a prank war with the boys!
    • one day you and peter set up a game where The Squad put sheets over their heads and whoever catches the most ‘ghosts’ wins!
      • if you catch Kurt you win (bc he’s a teleporter!) he’s pretty much the golden snitch of the game
    • SOMEHOW YOU CONVINCED CHARLES TO LET YOU AND PETER TAKE THEM ON AN ‘EXCURSION’ WHICH INVOLVED PITCHING TENTS IN THE WOODS AND WANDERING AROUND THE WOODS LOOKING FOR UFOS
      • there’s a lot of laughs and pranks and it’s such a good time!!
      • the boys try to prank the girls in the middle of the night but jokes on them because the girls found out and got them while they were trying to prank them
  • CONSIDER THIS: HALLOWEEN WITH PETER MAXIMOFF
    • peter’s favorite halloween meme is the fucking skeleton war
      • he hides a bunch of plastic skeletons around the mansion dressed up in weird costumes
        • “PETER WHY IS THERE A SKELETON WITH A PLASTIC SWORD IN MY BATHROOM” “the skeleton war…… it’s coming…….” “i hate you so much”
        • the whole school loves this fucking meme
          • there’s a sudden influx of plastic weapons and charles is like “what the fuck” when he confronts the kids, but they’re just like “THE SKELETON WAR PROFESSOR, IT’S COMING”
          • this is pretty much what it’s like living with peter during this
    • one of his favorite halloween things to do is a stupid fucking ouija board
      • he gets the squad to try it one night and this is how it goes
    • peter asked it one time if it was a friendly ghost, and when it moved to ‘no’ everyone lost their shit
      • “DID YOU FUCKING MOVE IT” “I DIDN’T I SWEAR TO GOD”
      • somewhere along the way the board got tossed and you all freak out because you were supposed to say ‘goodbye’ and you didn’t
      • you all don’t sleep for a week
    • he also LOVES hitting up haunted houses!!
  • one time while you guys were having sex he thought of a new theory to the Bermuda triangle conspiracy and he literally got up to write it down
    • and yOU’RE LAYING THERE LIKE “EXCUSE ME”
      • “I CAN’T FORGET IT BABE IM SORRY” “you do it one more time we’re stopping and going to sleep” 
      • he does it again so you roll over and he’s like “I’M SORRY PLEASE PLEASE”
      • “nothing makes me drier than you bringing up aliens peter goodnight”
        • when you tell the squad all the boys roast him for it
        • “you can all thank me when the truth comes out bye”
  • when you guys watch scary movies he’s always pointing out the details
    • “that’s signs of a poltergeist not a demon smh”
    • “DID THE DIRECTORS EVEN RESEARCH THIS UGH”
    • “POSSESSION DOESN’T EVEN WORK LIKE THAT”
      • IMAGINE IF HE THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS POSSESSED AT THE SCHOOL THOUGH BYE
        • “WE NEED A PRIEST! KURT WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU BLESS THE SHIT OUT OF THIS PLACE”
      • after peter bugged charles to get a priest, he has the damn audacity to make a daddy joke
      • and if peter ever tried to excerise a demon by himself it’d be like that scene from this is the end
        • you would be the one saying “that’s you’re fucking plan?! you’re gonna repeat lines from The Exorcist?!” “well i would assume they did their fuckin research!” “iT’S A MOVIE” “IT’S A MANUAL, A FUCKIN MANUAL”
  • one summer you guys hit up every UFO hotspot, roswell, area 51, and the most haunted locations in america (and you maybe even go international!)
    • one time though you guys got fucking arrested for climbing into a restricted area
      • charles sent alex to bail you guys out
        • “why the fuck would you try to break into area 51 jfc i don’t get paid enough for this shit
          • (exasperated dad!alex summers is real af)
  • another time peter wanted to go hunt for bigfoot so he took you up to oregon to go camping
    • so you told scott and he bought a bigfoot costume and followed you guys without peter knowing
    • when you guys are making a fire you tell scott to make some ruckus so when the noise of a twig breaking peter nearly loses his shit
    • he grabs his camera and drags you into the woods and tHERE IS SCOTT IS HIS SHITTY COSTUME AND PETER NEARLY CRIES FROM HAPPINESS
      • when you guys get back peter is showing off his pictures with excitement and it makes your heart melt a little because he’s so happy, so you and scott decide to keep it a secret
        • but scott let it slip one day!!! :(((
        • so you took peter again
          • but this time when there was something spooky in the woods he was like “lmao okay scott come on” and you’re like panicking because “IT’S NOT SCOTT PETER OHMY OG”
          • long story short you come home with blurry pictures of something that looks A LOT like bigfoot
  • even though you’re a skeptic and he’s a believer, you still love your big nerd of a boyfriend and will always come with him to his ghost adventures and UFO hunting
  • his argument is always “babe, if mutants can exist, so can the supernatural!
  • bye i love peter and his huge dorky supernatural loving ass

anonymous asked:

what the hell is anti illuminism

politics which center around “fighting the illuminati”, like weird youtube type politics.

basically in actual real life the illuminati was an enlightenment-era discussion group which became a hotbed for anti-monarchist thought, and then was shut down for it, then when their ideas started inspiring anti-monarchist revolutions in france and america and elsewhere, monarchists flipped out and were like “OH NO the illuminati must have survived and they must be secretly controlling these revolutions” (because monarchists don’t understand memetics for shit, they only understand direct control) and then once this wave of anti-monarchist revolutions reached the point where monarchism was supplanted by liberalism as the dominant ideology, pro-monarchist groups were like “OH NO the illuminati must have taken over the world” (because again, monarchists don’t understand memetics) and basically ever since then pro-monarchists and other reactionaries have been screaming about how the illuminati (which, again, was a short-lived discussion group) controls the world. so yeah basically when you look at the history of it, it’s clear that anti-illuminism is basically just a reactionary crypto-monarchist position.

Things Approximately Overheard in Full IB

or just IB classes in general, not even meant to be relatable at all times, based off this post

  • “i got seven hours of sleep last night that’s so much more than i usually get isn’t that amazing”
  • “FUCK HAMLET”
  • “can i go to the nurse’s office i super-glued my hand to my vehicle”
  • “if i just eat this paper can i pretend this assignment never existed”
  • “but if you’re colorblind, and i’m colorblind, then what is reality”
  • what if full ib was a reality show like america’s next top model like at the beginning of the season we take a picture of the entire junior candidate class and as they drop we either draw X’s on their faces or photoshop them out dramatically, like another one bites the dust
  • [upon discussion of how efficient IB is with getting the paper tests done vs. AP’s micromanagement hell] “did they even check our IDs?” “well i guess they figure that if we hate ourselves enough to have signed up for this $120 shit we might as well accept our fate”
  • “why are most of you doing this diploma program?” “bragging rights, probably”
  • “WE CAN USE HIGHLIGHTERS ON THE IB TEST OH MY GOD REALLY”
  • “if you wanna do full IB you’ll need a little bit of brain (but not enough to tell you to drop out), a buttload of time management, and just a whole lot of masochism.”
  • junior year: “what’s your EE on?” [anxious laughter]
  • senior year: “so how’s your EE doing?” [mild screeching accompanied by a look of sheer anxiety]
  • only four thousand words? that’s not enough. like i can’t go over? at all?”
  • any IB student, ever: “oh no i have to work on my lab report”, immediately followed by either continuous groaning or ungodly screeching on either side
  • “BLEEEAAAACH IS BLUUUUEEEEE”
  • this one doucheass: “hehe, yeah, they fall asleep all the time in class it’s so stupid”
  • the same doucheass: [falls asleep in every single class, all the time]
  • “what’s this ticking noise? is this a bomb? am i holding a bomb in my hands?”
  • “turns out i was fondling the eiffel tower.”
  • “i want to burn this lemna.  i hate it.  i hate it so much.  once i’m done with this bio ia i’m going to burn the lemna.”
  • “you know your years-long crush is a keeper when he offers to use an industrial vacuum to destroy your science project”
  • “one year these two guys decided to kick the thermit reaction up a notch without notifying me beforehand… we had to evacuate the school.  and then the vice principal at the time noticed that the alarm was coming from E-1, and he was, like, “oh my god, the chem classroom!” and then he sprinted down here, and popped his head in through the door like “what are we exploding today”
  • “hello class, today we’re going to make babies”
  • “can i take four HLs just for the hell of it” “but why” [shrugging noises]
  • “just tell me what reasonable chemicals you guys need for your IAs and i’ll order them for you.  sorry guys, but that means that i cannot and should not get you a pound of uranium.  and no bombs, either.  i don’t want to get flagged for some sort of watch list.”
  • “do you think our teacher has noticed this row of origami parrots on her bookshelves”
  • “keep calm and oh wait i’m in ib”
  • first day of junior year TOK, last year’s full ib class decided to give some advice: “GET started, OUT source your materials, and NOW is the time to start.” (it says “get out now” on the board–) “shh, that’s not important.”
  • “i took my midterm/final on two hours of sleep” “yeah, same”
  • “why do you have so many ink smudges on your face?” “fell asleep during the essay portion again.”
  • [classmates get into heated argument about the concept of one plus one]
  • “a CADAVER! no, come on, you HAVE TO PUT A CADAVER IN THE TIME CAPSULE PUT IN THE DAMN CADAVER WHY WOULD YOU ONLY PUT IN SPERM AND NOT THE EGG JUST PUT IN A DAMN CADAVER
  • “so for our presentation we’re going to prove that the illuminati is real”
  • “i’ve found the meaning of life through theoretical physics”
  • full ib alumni coming back from college to impart wisdom: “yeah, don’t sign up for 8am classes.  sadly i have to be in the lab for my 8am class and i’m always half asleep while breathing in toxic fumes that could very well kill me! so yeah that’s my college experience.  have fun, kids!”
  • “it’s too early in the morning for another existential crisis”
  • but if we’re not in the room anymore is the wall still blue.  what is reality if we aren’t here to perceive it.  oh god TOK textbook please stop hurting my head i need it for my calc test next period”
youtube

I continue my analysis of Quigley’s later work, The Anglo American Establishment, following upon my lectures last year on the total 1300 pages of Tragedy and Hope.  Here, we look deeper into the key players who make up the real Illuminati that successfully engineered the faux democracy of the modern world, run by a shadow banking-corporate empire.