the quest

Carolina Thread Trail 2016 36 – Union County, Waxhaw, North Carolina, November 20, 2016

The LGBTQ community includes us all
when we understand the “Q”
to be “Questioning”
or “Questing,”
and when we understand
the questions and the quest
to be in search
of our true identity,
and not just our sexual or gender identity.

We are all on the way
to becoming who we are.
And the people who are not,
who know who they are,
and have no doubts
about their identity
are the ones who
really don’t have a clue.

The Quest for Our True Identity–
for the Bedrock of Our Soul,
the Foundation Stone of Our Heart,
the Face that Was Ours Before We Were Born,
is the grounding path of the Hero’s Journey,
and the goal of Growing Up.

We all Grow Up to Be Who We Are.

Some of us get there sooner than others,
or, at least, are farther along the way,
but none of us can hurry the process,
though we can delay it indefinitely,
meaning forever.

Well, I’ve been thinking a lot about this Gabrielle line from Blind Faith:

I can’t marry the king because my heart belongs to another.  And even though I
can’t be with them now, I’m not ready to be with anyone else.

The “I can’t be with them now” means only “as long as I’m a hostage here” or is there a bigger meaning than that? If it’s the first case then nothing from now on matters, but humor me:

You see, the thing is everyone has a version about when X/G became canon (aka actual lesbian lovers lesbianing together) and mine is that it happened after “The Price”.

Of course it’s very subjective, but I do feel that one last barrier was taken down when Gabrielle saw Xena’s dark side more than ever before and never backed down. Not only that, she stood up for her own principles against Xena and was ready to die for them. Oh her part, Xena came around from her ‘evil warlord’ spell only when she saw what Gabrielle was doing and, well, pretty much said she loved her very much. And that look of surprise Gabrielle gives her? Gets. me. every. time. Of course she knew Xena loved her (she has known since The Quest), but would she ever admit it? Looks like she’s just realising Xena’s finally ready to.

And that makes me wonder about Blind Faith. Did Gabrielle say that because she felt Xena wasn’t yet prepared to act on her feelings (therefore they couldn’t be together)? But why’s that? We’re way past The Quest now, which is the gayest thing ever, right**? But then again, there was Ulysses - and I know about the production changing the order of the episodes but I’ll go with what we actually got - and, by the gods, isn’t Xena the most emotionally confused person ever, “falling in love” with this good kind man who might as well be a male version of Gabrielle only to easly ditch him and never think about it again?

But why so confused? Isn’t she supposed to be the experienced one, the one who’s waiting for Gabrielle to figure out her feelings in pretty much every fanfic? Suddenly it looks like the other way around, when Gabrielle suggests she’s waiting to be with Xena.

Anyhow…I may be thinking too much.

** Btw, as much as I love A Day in the Life, which also came before Blind Faith, I don’t think they’re a couple there. Just two very gay people teasing each other to death. Which pleases me to no end.