the pyramid guy

This is the Great Pyramid of King Khufu.  Everybody knows the Great Pyramid of King Khufu, but you probably don’t know about the Shit Pyramids of his father, King Sneferu.  This is a shame, because they are amazing.

When King Sneferu came to the throne of Egypt, the cool thing that all the pharaohs had was a Step Pyramid, like the original one built by King Djoser and designed by Imhotep (not the mummy).  King Sneferu could easily have had one one because his predecessor King Huni had died before his could be finished. All Sneferu had to do was step in and put the last few blocks on.

But King Sneferu had a vision.  He didn’t want any old Step Pyramid.  He was going to build Egypt’s first smooth-sided pyramid, and make King Huni’s pyramid way taller in the bargain.  It didn’t work.  The core of Huni’s pyramid couldn’t handle the modifications and nowadays the Step Pyramid at Meidum looks like this:

It’s not on a hill - that’s the outer layers of the pyramid that have fallen down all around it.  The name of the structure in Arabic is Heram el-Kaddaab, which means something like The Sort-Of Pyramid.

Anyway, King Sneferu was understandably disappointed and made his pyramid-builders start over from scratch at a different site.  Apparently having learned nothing about the Big Fat Nowhere that hubristic pyramid ambition was going to get him, this pyramid was designed to be even taller and pointier than the last effort!  Too tall and pointy, in fact - the bedrock proved to be less stable than he might have hoped, and by the time the pyramid was half-finished stuff was already moving and cracking inside of it.  There are ceilings in this pyramid that are to this day partially held up by wooden beams.

The builders seem to have panicked and decided that the only way to finish the pyramid without another disaster was to make the top half lighter than the bottom half.  They did this by changing the angle of the slope, ending up with a pyramid that looks like this:

Egyptologists call this one the Bent Pyramid for fairly obvious reasons.  Uniquely among Egyptian Pyramids, it has most of its smooth outer blocks intact, rather than having them all stolen to build other stuff (most of medieval Cairo is built from the skin of the Giza pyramids).  I’m guessing this is because nobody dared touch the thing for fear the whole structure would come down like a giant limestone game of Jenga.

I’m sure the pyramid-builders were very proud of this solution.  Sneferu appears to have been less so.  He had them move over about half a mile and start over.  Again.  Why only half a mile when he had them move 34 miles between the Sort-of Pyramid and the Bent Pyramid is a mystery.  I think he wanted to keep them in sight of the Bent Pyramid so they could look at it and feel ashamed every once in a while.

And there they built Sneferu’s third pyramid, which is called the Red Pyramid.  As pyramids go, it’s a very cautious one - it’s got the shallowest slope rise of any Egyptian pyramid, and while it’s the same height as the Bent Pyramid it spreads its weight over a much greater base area, making it far more stable.  Sneferu seems to have been happy with this one, because he was buried in it.  Either that, or after a forty-eight-year reign he just finally died and that was the pyramid they used because it was the nicest of the three.

These three pyramids together actually contain substantially more stone than the Great Pyramid of Sneferu’s son Khufu.  By the time Sneferu died, his workforce had honed themselves into a lean, mean pyramid-building machine.  They had already made every possible pyramid mistake.  So when Khufu announced that he didn’t just want a great pyramid, but The Great Pyramid, these guys built him a pyramid so fucking great that we now think aliens must have done it.

It was as true in Ancient Egypt as it is now.

if sep had a social media account he’d probably start it with the intention of just having it be professional since he’s an important figure in the castle and he wants people to respect him but it would eventually just devolve into weird selfies and photos of spit fyre

What went down in The Pharaoh
  • INTRO SEQUENCE
  • Ladybug: *is swinging*
  • Alya: and we're live on the Ladyblog, we can see that Ladybug is swinging
  • Ladybug: oh god she's doing this s**t again
  • Ladybug: *throws textbook at Alya*
  • Alya: HOLY S**T WHY IS SHE THROWING A TEXTBOOK AT ME?!
  • Ladybug: that's what you get, Alya!
  • Marinette: well that was fun!
  • Tikki: this is not a good use of your powers
  • Marinette: say, do you wanna tell me about some history
  • Tikki: sure! I'm more than 5000 years old, and once I helped stop a pharaoh from resurrecting his dead wife
  • Marinette: cool! and you're just telling me that outright rather than forcing me to drag Alya to the Louvre in a series of cryptic riddles?
  • Tikki: why would I do that? it sounds unnecessary
  • Marinette: true. anyway, all this talk of history made me want to go to the Louvre, so imma meet Alya there
  • Marinette and Alya: *meet at the Louvre*
  • Alya: so anyway, Ladybug threw this textbook at me, and imma figure out why
  • Marinette: maybe because you're always filming her?
  • Alya: why would she have a problem with that?
  • Marinette: idk
  • Jalil: hey dad so what if I make a bunch of zombie mummies and then resurrect this pharaoh's dead wife?
  • Mr. Kubdel: *smacks Jalil upside the head with a priceless artifact*
  • Jalil: well this sucks
  • Hawkmoth: here, I'll help you make it happen
  • Jalil: do you mean my proposed method actually works for resurrecting people, thereby suggesting that Egyptian gods exist, or do you mean you'll make a butterfly that has the same effect
  • Hawkmoth: idk, lemme check
  • Hawkmoth: miraculousladybug.wikia.com/wiki/Egyptian_papyrus
  • Hawkmoth: looks like that's just a thing that works, with or without an akuma
  • Jalil: if you can just resurrect people like that, why do you need Ladybug's and Chat Noir's Miraculouses?
  • Hawkmoth: ok time for you to transform now
  • Marinette: me too!
  • Pharaoh: I call upon the power of Sekhmet to make Ladybug get rekt
  • Chat Noir: *is there somehow*
  • Pharaoh: kk cool, I'm taking Alya
  • Ladybug: *throws textbook at Alya*
  • Alya: not helping!
  • People: *are milling about outside pyramid*
  • Pharaoh: hey guys you wanna be mummies
  • People: no
  • Pharaoh: I call upon the power of Anubis to pretend they said yes
  • Ladybug: Chat Noir, whatever you do, don't antagonize the mummies
  • Chat Noir: hey mummies, let's be antagonized
  • Pharaoh: you'll never guess the final stage of my plan, Ladybug
  • Ladybug: it's gonna be a sky beam
  • Ladybug: that's gonna shoot up from the top of the pyramid
  • Ladybug: and it's gonna go into a weird portal hole
  • Pharaoh: you've encountered this sort of thing before?
  • Ladybug: only in every blockbuster this decade
  • Pharaoh: *takes Alya to the top of the sky beam*
  • Chat Noir: and somehow, Ladybug did not anticipate that
  • Ladybug: lucky charm!
  • *costume happens*
  • Ladybug: ok Chat Noir, put on this costume and then he'll think you're me
  • Chat Noir: hey Pharaoh, I'm Ladybug, here's my Miraculous
  • Ladybug: aaaaaaaand GOTCHA!
  • Chat Noir: I am a master of disguise
  • Ladybug: *frees akuma*
  • Alya: well I guess we're done h—
  • Ladybug: *throws textbook at Alya*
  • ROLL CREDITS
only 90′s fallers remember

-stella/jill/starchan/whatever her name was
-“STAN TWIN THEORY” being a huge matter of debate
-when pinecest was the biggest Bad Ship to worry about
-“mr pyramid/pyramid guy/triangle guy”
-object head bill was the only bill that existed
-night vale crossovers
-THE FAKE MCGUCKET LEAK AND PEOPLE BEING UPSET
-one of the disney games (gravity quest or something like that) revealing a code that said “MCGUCKET KNOWS” and everyone lost their minds
-bill ama and the twitter “hack” that preceded it
-the slenderman edit
-somebody posted a really long infographic about GF on like, memebase or something and people got really mad at them for it
-when alex hirsch was being really petty and kind of racist on twitter and half of tumblr gave up on the show for like two weeks
-“lebam”
-depravity falls was like the main Edgy Thing and was full of gore and stuff
-after soos and the real girl: “IS THIS FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDYS? IS THIS FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDYS? IS THIS”
-“yo'uve been grankle”
-when dreamscaperers got leaked
-people legitimately thinking that since the llama was on the wheel, wax larry king’s head would be a relevant character
-the collective freakout before the s2 premiere when people thought they were changing the theme song to the one in the trailer
-the subsequent freeze framing of every teeny bit of that trailer
-back when the end title codes were written in simple Caesar or a1b26 or atbash code instead of this vignere crap
-SEARCHFORTHEBLINDEYE.COM
-the term “hunkle stan” being coined after skaryoke
-when they first started shortening the theme song and everyone panicked
-that one disney game that revealed “my name is bill” when you decoded all the secret codes
-people getting into huge fights about robbie being a good person or not
-“mystery kids run”, that app that totally ripped off the renders from the show and didnt even bother to edit out the mystery shack sign over the door.
-robbie vampire theory
-#STANLEYCONFIRMED
-the widespread confusion and panic when we realized the stans’ names were switched
-supernatural by ken ashcorp
-the mystery tour or whatever it was called where hirsch went around california and drew Bills on things
-“the author of the journals…my brother”
-mystery kids and parapines
-anytime something slightly edgy happens people would be like O h MY DgDGOD HOW??? DID DISnEy AllOW
-having more than one episode left before the show ended forever

feel free to add more

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Hey guys! Please check out this video I edited, animated, recorded, and did audio on! It would mean a lot to me <3