the prank ones will be better

Something horrible is happening on youtube

I’m going to preface this post with a content warning. This post is about child abuse. The video I’m going to link includes actually video footage of child abuse. It is one of the most upsetting videos I have ever watched. My post includes in depth descriptions of child abuse. 

This morning I watched a Youtube video discussing and highlighting what is happening on another Youtube channel. If you have the stomach for it, I’d suggest watching the video because Phillip DeFranco does a much better job of summarizing the situation than I can. 

For those of you who can’t watch, I’ll give you a very brief rundown. 

The Youtube channel DaddyOfFive is a combination family vlog and prank channel. In a recent video, the parents pull a prank where they pour invisible ink on one of the kid’s floors and then make him think that they believe he poured ink all over the floor. They scream and swear at this little boy, shouting things like “What the fuck did you do?” while the boy cries and cowers, looking genuinely terrified. Even the best child actors could not pull off looking as genuinely devastated as this child does. 

As DeFranco highlights in his video, although all the children are pranked, it seems that this one child (Cody) takes the brunt of the cruelty. In many videos he is seen being hit, kicked, pushed, and pinned down by his older siblings. In one video his father pushes him face first into a book case. In one video Cody begs his family to stop, saying that he’s tired of this. In another video his parents scream at him and tell him he’s the only one in the family who can’t “take a joke”. 

In response to some of the flak they have been getting, the parents uploaded a video about “Blocking All The Haters”. They goad the children into saying on camera that they aren’t being abused. Now keep in mind, the kids have been told that all the “Cool stuff” they have been getting is because of the Youtube channel. They know that if the pranks stop, the cool stuff goes away. Most of the children chime in that they are not being abused. Cody hardly says anything. The oldest boy says, “At least you aren’t beating us”. 

What is happening to Cody is child abuse. It is emotional, psychological and physical abuse. It is torture. And the worst part of it all is that it is monetized. The parents are being paid by advertisers to abuse this child under the guise of “It’s just a prank, bro”. 

So what can we do?

First of all, we can report the videos on DaddyOfFive’s channel for containing depictions of child abuse. If you decide to help by doing this, please be sure to flag the specific instances of abuse such as Cody being pushed or the parents screaming vulgarities at the children. 

Second of all, we can let the companies advertising on this channel know that we won’t be buying anything from a company that sponsors videos of child abuse. 

Finally, if anyone knows this family in person, they can make a report to CPS. Now the family is claiming that they’ve already been investigated and “cleared” by CPS, but that’s not how this works. Repeated reports mean repeated investigations. You do not give up and look the other way when a child is being abused just because CPS failed to act the first time. When my neighbors were abusing their children, I had to call CPS every week for over a month before something was done. Don’t give up.

Ok but you know what trope I love and don’t get NEARLY enough of?

Accidental sex

“Anything you can do I can do better INCLUDING THAT” sex

“You played a prank on me and now I’m going to play one on you except oops this accidentally got hot” sex

“You made an inaccurate assumption about *insert sexual or sexuality misnomer here* and I’m going to teach you the truth” sex

“You think you’re so smart so I’m going to teach you a lesson” sex

“Do you think I look good/hot/provocative in this? Wait is this turning you on???” sex

“You don’t know what *insert kink here* is and I’m really bad at explaining things and now we’re doing it oops” sex

“I bet I can dance/move/act like that and I don’t even have to be a dancer/stripper/actor/whatever wait are you turned on?” sex

“I lost a bet to you and the circumstances were supposed to be a joke but I took them seriously” sex

“You were joking about something and I took you seriously” sex

“You seem to think that __ won’t feel good and I intend to prove you wrong” sex

“You’re intentionally getting under my skin so I threaten to spank you/playfully spank you and now you look like you just got banged against a wall” sex

“I didn’t know you were a sub and when I called you a good boy/girl you almost cried” sex

“I didn’t know you were a dom and when I called you Sir/Ma'am you almost jumped me” sex

“Playing a prank on our freinds to make them think we’re a couple and now we’re in bed together” sex

“I’m fixing you *insert appliance/furniture/house thing hee* for you and now I’m sweaty and half naked and you’re drooling” sex

“I noticed the way you were watching me eat this popsicle so I purposely started making it an inuendo and now we’re both hot and bothered” sex

“Haha that thing they do in movies/porn/online is so corny like no way that’s actually hot haha oops it is” sex

“Freinds can totally watch porn together and nothing can happen…. no they can’t” sex

“I showed you *insert sexual thing here* as a joke but you’re actually turned on” sex

“You found my sex toys and I teasingly offered to demonstrate them welp here we are” sex

“I started pretending to dirty talk to you an hour ago and it stopped being pretending 58 minutes ago” sex

“All I’m saying is that I’ve been told I’m a good lay, wanna find out?” sex

“You said you don’t like __ but I bet the people you were with just don’t know how to do it, I, however, have experience and bet I could make you like it” sex

“We platonically slept together last night because of circumstances and we both woke up horny” sex

“This started as a tickle fight and it isn’t tickling anymore” sex

“We’re just bros being bros and doing something 100% platonic but somehow we’re turning eachother on because of not-so-burried feelings for eachother and we can’t make it stop” sex

Accidental sex ok?

This is honestly my favorite page in this whole book, let alone the whole series, so let me break down the various reasons why:

1. Peeves and Lupin clearly already knew each other. This page is your first hint that Remus Lupin may have been a bit of a trouble maker. Peeves already has a song and nicknames for him, and Lupin isn’t a bit surprised.

2. “Rude and unmanageable as he almost always was, Peeves usually showed some respect toward the teachers.” This reminds me of the way Fred and George relate to each other, or to Ginny. Its no surprise that F and G are the closest of the Weasleys, and what good friends they are with Ginny. They offered to send her a toilet seat, they are constantly pranking one another. They don’t show each other respect in the way they would a teacher per say, but respect between pranksters also includes some pranking and teasing among each other right?

This page is your first hint at the relationship between the Marauders and Peeves, and it delights me. Look at instances later of the way Peeves and the twins relate. Its similar.

3. Its like this scene is almost a test from Peeves to Lupin - is Lupin the same as the pranking teenager Peeves once new, or did he grow up?

4. And his answer is in that wonderful spell of Lupin’s. I cannot believe that this teacher, at his first lesson with these students, forcibly shoved a piece of chewing gum up Peeves’ nose. Lupin is clearly not the straight-laced, “play by the rules” type we in this fandom like to characterize him as.

5. Also, what better way to relate to and get on your students good side than to one-up the school poltergeist? Especially when your class is full of thirteen year olds.

6. REMUS. ALREADY. KNEW. DEAN’S. NAME. At this point, Lupin had not yet had a class with the Gryffindor third years. And, with seven years worth of classes times four houses - thats 28 classes worth of students whose names he had to learn. There is no reason he should already know the names of his new students - and yet he does.

And not like it’s Harry’s name either - Dean Thomas is kind of a nobody at this point, but Remus Lupin made it a point to KNOW HIS STUDENT’S NAME BEFORE HE HAD HIM IN CLASS.

7. This whole scene is a DIRECT CONTRAST to the scene before, in Snape’s class. In Snape’s class, we see him play favorites, we see him insult his students, we see him attempt to poison a child’s pet. Here, already, and we’re not even in class, we see Lupin relate to his students, treat them with respect and dignity (on the previous page he says, “Would you please put all your books back in your bags” - he uses “please” and other words that indicate respect). And we see him bother to learn his students names.

Remus John Lupin should’ve been a professor, alright? He should’ve. He’s so good at it. I love him. I love this page. I love POA.

Dating Tom Holland Would Include....

  • Constantly bickering with Harrison on who Tom loves more. 
  • Always winning these fights
  • “Sorry mate, but have you seen her? She’s absolutely stunning.”
  • Having all sorts of adventures with Tom and Harrison
  • Because let’s face it, wherever Tom goes, Harrison follows.
  •  But never really minding because as long as Tom is around, so are you.
  • Tom always making sure that you’re okay. 
  • “You sure, love? Okay. I just want to make sure my girl is happy.” 
  • Him wrapping his arms around you every chance he gets.
  • Calling you every kind of cute nickname in the book because he can never just pick one.
  • “Babe, love, doll, sweetie, beautiful, gorgeous, cutie, honey,” All of them.
  • Sometimes finding himself just staring at you because he can not believe how lucky he is to have you.
  • Having to break up Tom and Harrison’s arguments on who loves you more. 
  • “Enough, you two. I swear you guys are like little kids fighting over a toy, and I am NOT a toy.” 
  • “Course you’re not, babe. But, I do love you more than Haz.” 
  • “I know you do. Why do you think I’m with you.” 
  • Tom leaving you with little notes that he placed everywhere.
  • “Hey babe, I love you!”
  • “Did you know you’re amazing?”
  • “You’re my girl, don’t ever forget.” 
  • “Call me when you find this!” 
  • “I could stare you forever.” 
  • “You’re the first and last person on my mind.” 
  • “I miss you.” 
  • Tom begging you to go with him everywhere because he just doesn’t want to leave you. 
  • “Please come with me.” 
  • “No, Tom. I have to work-”
  • “-but, I’m Spiderman. You don’t have to work.” 
  • “Did you just seriously use that line on me?”
  • “Did it work?” 
  • “Absolutely not, you dork. I love you, I do but I promise I’ll come visit. Okay?”
  • “Fine, but you better.” 
  • Always, always feeling guilty because you know that sometimes he gets a little bit of anxiety and stressed and you seem to be the only remedy. 
  • Flying out on the next flight possible.
  • And immediately all the stress and anxious thoughts are thrown out the window the minute he sees you. 
  • Him always whispering in your ear, “Thank you.” 
  • Always reassuring him that he’s earned all the success in his life.
  • Sometimes feeling a little scared that he’ll forget you with his oncoming fame. 
  • Tom reading you like a book and breaking these thoughts from your head. 
  • “You do know that I love you right? And that I wouldn’t be here without you. I’d be a wreck if I ever lost you. Don’t ever think for one second that I could make it without you.” 
  • Feeling reassured until the next time you felt scared. 
  • Tom always going above and beyond in his gifts for you on birthdays, anniversaries, and just because he want to’s. 
  • Him surprising you with a vacation to a place you’ve always wanted to visit. 
  • Following him basically anywhere and everywhere because he will literally get on his hands and knees to beg.
  • Forcing you to play basketball with him even though you know that there’s a reason why you’re not a pro basketball player. 
  • But always seeming to win.
  • Knowing that he lets you.
  • But never questioning it because it was his way of spending time with you.
  • Spending time with his family.
  • Because in a way, they’re your second family.
  • Tom’s mother commenting on how happy she is that Tom has found himself a wonderful girl.
  • His father agreeing one hundred percent and cracking jokes as to when they should expect the wedding.
  • His brothers always teasing Tom about how much you have him wrapped around your finger.
  • Blushing because you would never want him to be “whipped”, but it’s nice to know that you have that power.
  • Tom clapping back with, “At least I’ve got a girlfriend.” 
  • Laughing when they’d all get into a wrestling match.
  • “If I win, [Y/N] is mine!”
  • “No, if I win, [Y/N] mine!”
  • “Bloody Hell! You gits think you’re actually going to win? [Y/N] will always be mine, whether or not I do lose.” 
  • Going to the gym with him.
  • Getting distracted because by God those muscles should be illegal.
  • Him knowing it and teasing you about it.
  • Always getting back at him by doing anything and everything that shows of your figure.
  • Tom throwing down his weights and attacking you with kisses. 
  • Him always being respectful of your boundaries. 
  • Never pushing you to do things you don’t want to do. 
  • You loving him for it.
  • Knowing that you will eventually let him but just not right now because you’re not ready.
  • And him being perfectly okay with that.
  • Sparring with him.
  • Tom being beyond impressed at your skills.
  • Telling you everyday how much he loves you.
  • Begging him to take you to go get icecream even though he can’t really have any.
  • Scolding him when he says, “fuck it,” and gets himself some. 
  • “You’re trainer is going to be pissed.”
  • “So what.” 
  • Shaking your head and enjoying your icecream date with him.
  • Taking Tess out for walks together.
  • Taking a million pictures of her because she’s just so damn cute.
  • Lazy days with Tess
  • Cuddling the poor dog into suffocation until she can’t take it anymore and leaves.
  • Leaving you two clinging onto each other.
  • Tom leaving trails of kisses along your forehead.
  • Holding you tight.
  • Falling asleep in each other’s arms. 
  • Waking up in the middle of night, panicking because your parents are going to freak out.
  • Tom shooting out of bed to get you home.
  • Him trying to help you sneak into your house without your parents waking up.
  • Him mumbling that the two of you should just move out together.
  • Telling him that it would be a good idea but to talk about it later.
  • Tom always gushing about you in interviews.
  • Always being his plus one to the films you want to see.
  • Introducing you to your favorite actors.
  • Getting embarrassed when Robert Downey Jr. finally gets to meet you.
  • “SO, this is the girl you never shut up about? It’s about damn time I finally meet her. [Y/N], it’s so lovely to meet you. I feel like I practically know you with the amount of stuff Tom has told me about you.” 
  • Also getting a little embarrassed but not as embarrassed as when fans stop you on the streets.
  • Getting panicky because you’re just waiting for the hate.
  • But being surprised when it’s nothing but love and awe.
  • Agreeing to take pictures with them and asking to take one of them so you can put it on Instagram as well. 
  • Speaking of Instagram, Tom is forever posting sly pictures of you. 
  • You are literally all over his page.
  • But, it’s okay because he is all over yours.
  • You’ve been trending on #couplegoals for days
  • Threatening Tom with his life if he doesn’t stop posting the selfies you send him. 
  • Him not caring.
  • “I’ll take my chances, babe.”
  • Getting him back on snapchat with the crazy filters.
  • Agreeing to tone down the embarrassing pictures. 
  • But one or two always comes leaking out and you are forever mortified. 
  • Starting a prank war. 
  • You always seeming to have better pranks.
  • Feeling bad and deciding to call it off but not before Tom gets you really good. 
  • Laying out under the stars and talking about the future.
  • Telling each other that as long as you have each other, the future can bring whatever it wants.
  • Tom surprising you with a promise ring. 
  • “We’re both still really young and I know a lot of people our age are getting married but I just can’t imagine getting married at this moment. But at least with this, it’s a promise that you will have my last name, just not right now.” 
  • You accepting it because there is not a damn soul on this earth aside from Tom that you could see yourself with.

romeo & juliet au where all the Cute Bros TM (bits, lardo, nursey, ransom, chowder) live in one disgusting off-campus rental house and the Burger King Robbery Bros (jack, holster, shitty, dex) live in another across the street and they have a friendly but Very Intense rivalry – which includes but is not limited to a) throwing bigger and better parties, b) pranking the shit out of each other (”BITS. THERE ARE NO PIES IN PRANK WARS”), c) decorating the shit out of their Beer Sticky & Possibly Condemned Front Yards with wilder and more inappropriate yard art (lardo has the Art but dex & his toolbox can be bribed with captain morgran so)

then, jack and bitty sit next to each other in a class and everything changes

OC “Most Likely To”

1. most likely to clean up everybody’s crap without asking

2. most likely to get in a fight

3. most likely to fall asleep literally anywhere

4. most likely to get a crap-ton of tattoos

5. most likely to get a really crappy tattoo and immediately regret it

6. most likely to survive the zombie apocalypse

7. most likely to be two hours late to their own event

8. most likely to flirt to get what they want

9. most likely to laugh at a funeral

10. most likely to look really good in a kilt

11. most likely to steal free samples

12. most likely to take selfies at inappropriate times

13. most likely to ruin everything

14. most likely to have a shotgun wedding

15. most likely to laugh until they cry

16. most likely to get into an argument with an animal

17. most likely to use any and all excuses to take off articles of clothing

18. most likely to prank call people

19. most likely to binge-watch Netflix for absurd lengths of time

20. most likely to sing better than expected

21. most likely to get attacked by a bird

22. most likely to sleepwalk/talk

23. most likely to drop obscure references nobody understands

24. most likely to go to a party just for the food

25. most likely to make questionable fashion decisions

26. most likely to be talented in surprising ways

27. most likely to listen to one song for four days in a row

28. most likely to eat cake for breakfast

29. most likely to go bridge/cliff-jumping

30. most likely to have had an embarrassing middle-school emo phase

Honestly I love how laid back the Camp Camp fandom’s shipping is. You can toss headcanons about almost any ship, and people will be like ‘huh, that’s kinda cute, never thought of that lol’

You ship Harrison and Neil?
You ship a science kid who can’t for the life of him figure out how Harrison can do all these tricks, with magic boy who’s quietly flattered Neil ‘has so much interest’ in him? You ship a relationship comprised solely of jealousy and anger until it slowly flip-flops into one-sided admiration and finally mutual love and begrudging respect? Sweet


You ship Harrison and Nerris?
They hate each other, but hell, all of us can see what a great match they’d be– if they aren’t one already. Two magic dorks playing D&D, playing pranks on each other and not being ashamed to take full credit for them, tripping the other just so they can catch them and hold them romantically in their arms (Harrison usually does this, but Nerris would jump off a bridge before letting herself be held romantically by Harrison). This is a ship waiting to flourish, and the only way it could possibly get better is if we could have an entire episode dedicated to their rivalry but end it on a note of mutual regret and apology and,,.. oh wait.


You ship Nerris and Nikki?
Sure! We can all picture the adventure girlfriends sneaking off into the woods, Nikki having the time of her life while Nerris won’t stop rolling perception checks. They probably climb trees and do all sorts of zany stuff together–Nerris is be considerably less able than Nikki, but like hell will admit it. Nikki finds her persistence adorable. Sometimes, she’ll give Nerris piggy back rides– Nerris likes to pretend she’s on a dragon, and Nikki doesn’t mind humoring her. They frequently fall asleep cuddled in Nerris’s cape.


You ship Nikki and Max?
That’s not a personal fave of mine, but hey, I can see it. They’d do all sorts of outdoorsy stuff together, Max always (and sarcastically) making sure she doesn’t pull some crazy shit that’ll land her in the hospital. Nikki, in return, would teach grouchy boy to live a little.


You ship Preston and Max?
Awesome, that’s one of my OTPs. Loud theater son x snarky little shit is a yes please. Preston probably falls for Max first, but is horrible at hiding it and finally confesses with a loud, cheesy soliloquy (Max agrees to go out with him only to shut him up, then proceeds to helplessly fall for him like an idiot.) Preston loves theater and Max likes movies, so at first there’s some arguing and affronted gasps, but they end up bonding over musicals. When Drama Boy gets too heated up over something, Max is quick to temper him, either verbally (‘Preston, calm down, jesus’) or physically (eyyyy). Getting 'too heated up’ for Preston can range from getting a really good play idea to remembering Nurf, and that’s a tough range to keep up with, but Max is up for the challenge. In exchange, Preston gets Max to open up more than anyone– for someone so self-centered, he is an excellent listener. He probably steals some of Max’s best quotes and puts them in his plays– Max always notices, but never says anything (he’s flattered lol)

The Camp Camp fandom doesn’t give a shit about shared screen time, or canon sexuality (probably cause it doesn’t exist), or anything. As long as the characters have potential chemistry and the shipper stays respectful, everyone’s chill with everything.

Except Maxvid.

We don’t talk about Maxvid.

Some non-Love Square ML aus

Because as much as I adore the love square, there are lots of other miraculous ships that deserve more au goodness <3

Juleka/Rose: 

  • Greaser and Pink Lady au
  • friends with benefits except the benefits are weekly cuddling sessions au
  • college roommates au 
    • requires LOTS of mutual pining

Kim/Alix:

  • handcuffed together after a prank gone wrong au
  • “I’m going to hunt down and slaughter whoever keeps leaving their sweaty towel draped across my favorite treadmi- oh no they’re hot” au
  • forced to take ballet lessons to increase their athletic prowess au

Kim/Max: 

  • “I dont understand half of the words you said but I think you just asked me out???” au
  • kissing practice/ making out for the sake of science au
  • “I just watched you ingest a borderline lethal amount of caffeine so im going to babysit you to make sure you dont die” au

Bonus ot3 (Kim/Alix/Max):

  • paired up to do a semester-long project together au 
  • evil mastermind and his two (bickering) superhero nemesises au
  • “oh would you look at that, the bottle landed in between you two. guess I’ll just have to spend seven minutes in heaven with you both” au

Ivan/Mylene:

  • we both sit at the same desk in chemistry class and leave each other anonymous notes tucked inside au
  • musician and muse (not-so) au
  • tattooist and flower shop owner au

Chloe/Sabrina:

  • Princess and the Frog au 
    • bonus points if Chloe is the frog
  • met while on vacation au
  • SUGAR DATING AU 

Chloe/Marinette (most could work for Chloe/Alya too):

  • personal shopper (Marinette) or publicist (Alya) and the client from hell au
  • “every year we get sent to the same summer camp and we’re always camp rivals except wow puberty really hit you hard since last year wtf??!?!?” au
  • Wicked au

Nino/Alya:

  • rival radio hosts whom everyone in Paris ships au
  • Ladynino and Alya Noir au
  • “the optometrist accidentally switched our prescriptions so now I have to hunt you down while basically blind” au

Alya/Marinette: 

  • underpaid fabric store clerk only keeps her job because of the cute seamstress who comes in every day and overworked seamstress only visits the fabric store every day to see the gorgeous store clerk au
  • fan fic writer and fan artist who everyone in the fandom ships au
  • “hey so I hear our college grants more financial aid to married people… wanna elope?” au

Nino/Adrien:

  • RAPUNZEL AU
  • deaf!Adrien and musician!Nino au 
    • basically blind spots au but gayer
  • (NSFW) “Accidentally sent a dick pic to the wrong number but got an even better one back” au

Alya/Adrien:

  • rich kids playing pranks at society functions au (Alya’s mom is a world-renowned chef dont tell me this isn’t plausible)
  • “we’ve been yelling at each via reddit thread for weeks now and at this point I’ve kinnda forgotten what we were even fighting about wanna go grab coffee?” au
  • pen pals from childhood au

Nino/Marinette:

  • “Our families own rival businesses and technically we cant be friends but we still secretly trade macaroons for couscous on the DL” au 
  • street musician and street artist au
  • “I seriously didn’t mean to wander in to the women’s locker room but I heard you singing in the shower and I NEED to record music with you” au

Bonus OT4 (Alya/Adrien/Marinette/Nino):

  • “we’re in a famous band and our fans fight relentlessly over who to ship but jokes on them because we are all dating” au
  • stranded au
    • you could make this “overnight at the mall” or full-blown “shipwrecked on an island” I just wanna see these four snuggle STRUGGLE TOGETHER
  • “this dnd campaign started seriously but now it’s just devolved into us all flirting with one another behind the thin guises of our characters” au
Some aspects of friendship

Couldn’t list all so I might make a part 2!

We’ll laugh over our failures together: Taurus & Pisces

We’ll criticise each other till we laugh: Aquarius & Pisces

We’ll fight but we’ll also work together: Sagittarius & Cancer

We’ll always be ready when one of us wants to explore: Scorpio & Capricorn

We’ll always be together even when apart: Leo & Scorpio

We’ll talk about our fandoms together: Taurus & Capricorn

We’ll abandon each other sometimes but we’re always back: Capricorn & Pisces

We’ll share many inside jokes and prank together: Capricorn & Aquarius

We’ll tell the other when to quit when they’re pushing too hard: Taurus & Virgo

We’ll argue over petty things but we still share secrets: Scorpio & Gemini

We’ll disagree on some things but we’re willing to change that: Sagittarius & Taurus

We’ll be better than each other at some things but we never compare: Aries & Taurus

We’ll be the best of friends even though new friends may come in: Aries & Virgo

We’ll be both internet pals and real life friends: Pisces & Libra

We’ll laugh at each other when we fall but we’ll always be there to help: Libra & Gemini

We’ll hate each other sometimes but it’s never for more than 5 seconds: Gemini & Aries

BBS As Things My Friends Have Said
  • Vanoss : Oh man I've never been the leader of a group before. I...I don't like it...it's too much responsibilty.
  • Delirious : You gun of a son I never eat - a-ate you - fuck! *pause* This is why I can't learn another language I can't even English.
  • Moo : I read that every friend group has the one mom friend and I was thinking and none of us are - *pause* *gasp, quiet voice* I'm the mom friend...
  • Terroriser : I like to think I'm a calm individual and - YOU SON OF A BITCH JENNY PUT MY GOD DAMN SKITTLES DOWN I PAID TWO WHOLE DOLLARS FOR THEM!
  • Mini : I wish I could leave this friend group and join another but making friends is hard and I am socially awkward.
  • Wildcat : Yeah the problem is I'm 6"0 of anger friends with you dumbasses who get emotionally hurt too often and you make me feel sad when you're sad so stop!
  • Nogla : I'm a DUFF. But not like an ugly friend and shit, I'm just who they tease to make themselves feel better so...I'm the...W-T-T-T-M-T-F-B?
  • Lui : I act like a child to cover up I've lived too long and want to die.
  • " You're 17. "
  • Seventeen years too long...
  • Ohm : I feel like whenever you guys come up with horrible pranks or dares you store them in your brain so when I'm around you unlock them and force them all on me.
  • Smitty : Look the difference between Americans and Canadaians is after one night stands an American will bite their own arm off to get away and a Canadaian will probably just kill the one night stand and move away in shame.
  • Basically : THIS IS RACISM!
  • " Just because you suck at tag doesn't the game is racist! "
  • Scotty : You make fun of me for my Southern accent one more damn time I will put on overalls, a straw hat, grab a pitch fork and burn your house down all while chanting "y'all" and drinking iced tea!
Why I adore the idea of the Inquisition as extended family

The inquisition as extended family to Cullen and the Inquisitor’s kids would be WONDERFUL I mean, ‘c mon:

  • “BULL she is too young to drink don’t give her that!”
  • Bull, I received a message from their school that a Qunari showed up to tell a bully that  ‘if they say one more bad word about ‘his friends’ that they’ll end up on the pointy side of a sword’. Seriously? You didn’t even ask me to come along?
  • kids piggybacking on Iron Bull (plus points if their mom ever ‘rode the bull’ because puns which go right over those kids’ heads but not over Cullen’s)
  • “THEY’RE ALSO TOO YOUNG TO JOIN THE CHARGERS KREM!”
  • Leliana, I know you mean well, but stop gifting them daggers please because they’re leaving them all over the place and we nearly stepped on one yesterday.  
  • What do you mean Leliana gave you a pet nug? Another one?
  • LELIANA ARE YOU SERIOUSLY USING MY CHILDREN TO SPY ON US? IS THAT BY ANY CHANCE RELATED TO THE RAVENS CIRCLING THE HOUSE?
  • *Dorian giving the kids fashion advice* *it results in the little ones showing up with fake mustaches which was not his idea but he is moved by the gesture* “They wanna be like you Dorian.”
  • If any of the kids turns out to be a mage, Dorian’s becoming their mentor, point final. Vivienne takes over when he doesn’t have time for their lessons.
  • (Dorian’d be the godfather of my Inquisitor’s kids btw. Hands down.)
  • The kids hanging around with Cole, especially when teenagers, cause he helps them make sense of all that they’re feeling and what others are feeling. As a result they become super emphatic and understanding people.
  • Cole loves how open-minded kids are and happily babysits whenever asked.
  • Sera, Josie and Dorian teaching those kids to do and love what- and whoever they damn well please.
  • Pranks with Sera, so many pranks with Sera. Cullen and the inquisitor know there’ll be trouble when Sera and the kids dissapear for a little while.
  • Varric helping in teaching the little ones to read and write.
  • Varric reading their works and giving pointers on how to make them better, encouraging them to keep writing and keep getting better at their craft.
  • Little ones staring at Varric in awe over all of the stories, including of their parents ‘holding hands on the table’ (side-eyeing the inquisitor and cullen).
  • Cassandra’d be their godmother and yeah she’d cry when asked.
  • Cassandra teaches the kids to be true to themselves and if the kids don’t go to their parents, they go to her when something serious is happening
  • Cassandra does mock-fights with the kids using wooden swords when their dad isn’t doing so.
  • Cassandra teaches the kids eyeliner.
  • She made them promise not to tell Varric about it, but when they’re grown up they discuss story lines and ships from Varrics books with her.
  • (The kids low-key ship Cassandra and Varric cause reasons.)
  • If any of those kids has diplomatic ambitions, Josephine will happily teach em the ropes.
  • One of those kids is gonna be Josie’s plus one for some formal events.
  • Josie is the one who brings the kids gifs, delicious foods from diplomatic trips mostly, and talks to them about the beauty and strength in diversity.
  • Josephine and Leliana giving the small ones musical instruments cause #ex-bards
  • Vivienne shows them how to look confident even when they don’t feel they have the upper hand.
  • Vivienne entertains the kids with trivial magic tricks when nobody’s looking. When someone notices, she denies it and winks at the kids afterwards with a smile.
  • “Mommy, daddy, I saw a wolf-elf in my dream last night and he told me he knows you!” *wide-eyed Cullen and Inquisitor cause oh shit*
Shelter - Remus Lupin x Reader (contains smut)

Request: would you ever do a PoA Professor Lupin and student y/n smut imagine?? If you can’t, then that’s okay! I absolutely love your work and if you’re not comfortable with writing it, then that’s absolutely fine ✨

Warnings:  This is a PROFESSOR Remus imagine that contains smut. It’s perfectly legal since the reader is 18. However, if you do not like the idea or feel comfortable with it, please don’t read this. Just scroll past it. (I have to tell you though, that there is nothing wrong with relationships with an age difference-personal experience.) .Other than that, my English and the smut part, which is not the most graphic smut I have written. (under the cut)
Image and gifs aren’t mine/ Credits to their original owners. 
Word count: 6k+
MASTERLIST

You knew you were in for a hell of a year since the moment you laid eyes on him. You didn’t know why or what but you knew… your last year would be a year to remember.
You had missed the Sorting Ceremony, again. So, you went to your dorm and settled things down while you waited for everyone to fall asleep. You would then sneak to the kitchens and grab something to eat. Naturally, you were in for a surprise, but of course, you had no idea.
After a while, it was late enough for you to go unnoticed. You had quickly found the pear and tickled it, transforming it into a door- knob. You smiled to yourself. You had found your way around the castle without that ridiculous map that the twins had stolen from Filch’s office. You knew every single secret passageway and every single corridor-you knew Hogwarts. You were friends with them, with all of the Weasleys. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that you had briefly dated Charlie. Even though you had realized that you were better off as friends after a while. You had bonded with the twins over Quidditch and pranks. You had tried to make them study-it had ended badly; your hair had gone pink, the color you hated the most, for a week.
You crept inside the kitchens, and almost immediately were greeted by the kind house elves.
“Hello, Miss! Welcome back!! What can Bloom get you, miss?” one of them asked you.
“What have I told you, guys? It’s just Y/N” you smiled warmly at them. They just shrugged it off and started preparing only Merlin knows what. At some point, you were worried about the amount of food they were piling up, so you just stopped them, reaching for the chocolate bar that was right before you.
“Um, guys… Chill. I think I’ll just grab some chocolate and-” but before you could finish off with your sentence you heard a low cough like someone wanted to make their presence known, coming from behind you back. Oh, no. You slowly turned around, ready to face the music-and probably Snape and detention- only to find a very, very, disturbingly young man, looking at you, rather amused.
He had a beautiful face no matter his scars, that under the dim candle light illuminating the room, seemed to be soft and strangely attractive. He must have been in his early thirties, you thought. Oh, shit. He has to be your new DADA professor. He was your teacher? Great.
“Hello” you said sheepishly and lowered your gaze, but not for long. You found yourself way too captivated by his kind eyes to look away. You saw him fighting a chuckle.
“It’s past curfew, miss…” he trailed off, not really reprimanding you. You smiled and all your confidence had rushed back in.  You were never the coward one.
“Y/L/N. Oh, I know” you said, raising an eyebrow in emphasis. You liked challenging people. Not too much but just enough. Which seemed to be the case here as well. He was slightly surprised at your answer. He thought that you would apologize and rush out of the kitchen. But there you were, sitting on the table, opening the wrapped chocolate bar, answering back completely nonchalant. He stayed silent for a couple of seconds while you hadn’t even dreamt of breaking the eye contact you held with him. His eyes.
“You do realize I could give you detention, Miss Y/L/N, right?” he asked you. You could tell that he intended to be strict but it didn’t exactly work. Instead, his tone sounded playful and a bit… provocative. You jumped off the table, walking over to him-it wasn’t your fault he was standing near the door.
“But you won’t” you said steadily while piercing his eyes with your intense gaze. He was taken aback by your boldness. You chuckled lightly.
“Goodnight… professor” you bid him goodbye, sending him a wink before you walked out.
Oh, boy. What just happened?



You knew it was going to be bad. The moment you walked into his class, you just knew it.
He had insisted on focusing on the practical experience of facing a boggart. You knew very well that you weren’t capable of facing your worst feat. It was simple, really. You didn’t fear something that could take shape. You feared your own mind. Your life was a lonesome experience and you could understand that very fact more than anyone. You carried the weight of humanity itself with you everywhere you went. You could say that you were trouble. You never really fitted in- your mind was so unending, you knew no limitations. Dumbledore had said that those were signs of geniuses. You thought that those were the signs of madness. Nobody quite understood what made you different, you didn’t even understand it yourself- but you felt it. You felt deep in your bones. You were the lone, last star of each ending night, that was still shining brightly as the sun began to rise.
You knew you were no good. Maybe, professors saw an excellent student; maybe, your friends saw an amazing prankster; maybe your ex had seen a great lover. But none of those things were true. Not entirely, at least. And that feeling, being numb, that was your worst fear. It paralyzed you.
That was why, when that boggart never took shape, you were instantly unable to move. Nobody really knew what was going on. Your classmates thought you feared nothing and the boggart couldn’t morph, but he knew the truth. Before he could help you, you had helped yourself. You weren’t looking for a knight-you were looking for a sword. You remembered every single moment that you felt like you had a family of your own. The twins making you burst into laughter in the middle of the Great Hall with their crazy pranks, Cedric making you feel welcomed and appreciated with his kind personality, Oliver counting on you to win the game. You were not alone, and you gave a silent promise to yourself to never feel numb. Even if the pain became too much to handle. Even if there wasn’t a single hope left. Even if the end was near. You would never shut yourself. Because, feeling, even the pain, was what made us humans. Because feeling and feeling too much was better than forgetting what it was like to have emotions. Feelings made something real. And you wouldn’t change that for the world.
You hadn’t turned your boggart into something funny. You had simply placed it back inside the trunk that it had been. You looked at him, searching for something you didn’t even know what it was. His soft, rich caramel eyes were already on you. He seemed… confused. You stepped back, letting the next person in line perform the spell. You slipped out of the class and you knew that he had noticed, but you simply couldn’t stay there. However, you knew that he knew, so you had to face him at some point. But you couldn’t bring yourself to do that. You couldn’t face those big, soft, caramel eyes. Oh, Merlin. I am melodramatic. 



For the next month, you had avoided his classes. You would come up with excuses, silly ones to stay away from him. You knew it wasn’t… shit, what were you supposed to do? Because the truth was… you had developed a crush on your professor. You couldn’t help it. He was kind and caring and sweet and gentle, he had helped Harry with his boggart… and you knew what he was hiding. You had guessed it the very first time you saw him. The secret behind his scars. Scars that to everybody else would seem… weird, or even ugly. But to you… to you, they were perfect. You wanted to trace your hands along his scars, you wanted to kiss every single one of them. And you had to contain yourself, or you would sigh in front of everyone.
“Hello?”. You snapped your head towards… Fred and George.
“What?” you asked as in a haze. You couldn’t possibly focus on anything else but him. You were having breakfast- well, coffee to be exact- and you could feel his eyes burning holes on your back. You knew it was him and you felt guilty. He hadn’t even mentioned that you were skipping classes to Dumbledore.
“Lupin told us to tell you to get your ass to his office after class” the said in unison. You raised an eyebrow in question.
“He told you to get my ass to his office?” you asked sarcastically, but you were too worried and stressed out to actually care.
“Well, not per say. But that was the meaning. What did you do?” Fred said at once. You, however, didn’t want to answer. Because you knew what had led him to call you to his office. Your mind though, oh… that dirty little mind of yours. You were imagining all kind of inappropriate things you would do to him if you ever had the chance. And then it hit you.
You would have to attend his class today in order to see him after. That little shit. Suddenly, you weren’t feeling all that guilty.
“Nothing that concerns you two” you answered calmly. They just smirked. Sometimes, you could swear, they were able to read your mind. You blushed and kept your head lowered.
Great.
The day had passed in a blur. You didn’t really pay attention to any of your classes until… his.
You were about to sit down as far away as possible when you realized that the were no desks or seats. Your eyes met his. For the first time in a month, you felt your heart squeezing in a strange way. His eyes were intense and a bit greener and a little less caramel that what you remembered. And captivating. Always so captivating.
Before you could continue your daydream, more students walked in and he removed his gaze from yours.
“Does anyone know what a Patronus is?” he asked the class after a while. His voice was soft and melodic, rich and kind. You had it bad.
“A Patronus is primarily used to repel Dementors. They can also be used for communication by accomplished witches and wizards, sir” a girl said, ogling him, causing you the urge to throw up.
“Very well. What else can you tell us?” he continued and you felt like you could melt. It was his voice, so it was his fault.
“The Patronus is Guardian which acts as a shield between you and the Dementor like a projection of the very things that the Dementor feeds upon such hope, happiness, the desire to survive. However, since the Patronus is an incantation the Dementors can’t hurt it. The Patronus has two forms, non-corporeal and corporeal. A non-corporeal Patronus can appear as ‘a thin wisp of silver’ that hovers ‘like mist.’ Whereas a corporeal Patronus has a form that is clearly defined and is more than vapor or smoke. The ability to cast a corporeal or non-corporeal Patronus is down to the skill of the witch or wizard. Each Patronus is unique to the witch or wizard who conjures it, and it’s possible, in some cases, for a Patronus to change” you said looking him directly in the eyes. You simply had to answer, otherwise that… girl would receive his attention. Oh, no. No. No. You couldn’t be… were you jealous? Great. Amazing. You had a crush on your professor and you were jealous of everyone who caught his eye. Very… nice.
He was clearly taken aback; he didn’t believe you would participate since you had been avoiding his classes for a month now.
“Precisely miss Y/L/N” he praised you and you blushed. Where was your confidence? He went on about the charm, how to pronounce it and details about the way to cast it, but you already knew that. You may haven’t been able to produce a corporeal Patronus yet but you had been practicing since a very young age.
“Miss Y/L/N. Why don’t you demonstrate for us?” he simply asked you in a way you could have never said no. He gestured the front of the class. Another amazing moment of your amazing day.
You walked over there confidently, suddenly feeling like yourself again.
You focused on your memories. Not one, as he had said, but many happy ones. Your first time on a broom, your first Quidditch game, your Hogwarts letter, your friends and the pranks you had pulled, the people you cared about. Before you could control it, his face appeared only to disappear seconds later. You didn’t have to say the incantation out loud. With a flicker of your wand, a silvery form emerged. Was that a… Thestral?
The creature walked towards you and bow down its head for you to pet it. You placed your-shaking- hand on its fragile head. It was so surreal. You knew you were one of few people who could see those magnificent animals. They are only visible to people who have seen someone dying and fully accepted, understood and internalized the concept. The animal slowly raised its head and its eyes met his, lowering lightly its head in an indication of respect and then it disappeared. You didn’t move for a few seconds after that. You could hear that the other students were performing the spell as well. Some of them, summoning a corporeal Patronus, some of them not. You were a bit lost for a while after that, so, naturally, you jumped slightly when you felt a hand on your shoulder, shaking you gently. You focused your vision on his face, but you were too confused to remember your little crush.
“Are you alright?” he asked you politely but concerned. You hadn’t realized that no one else was in the classroom. You nodded, forcing a smile, but it was too weak to last more than a couple seconds.
With his hand on your back, he prompted you to his desk and made you sit down.
“Why a Thestral?” you questioned, not really asking him; you asked yourself. He eyed you cautiously.
“A Patronus is a representation of who you are and is manifested by a creature that represents you in some way. I have to ask you… have you witnessed a death?” he quietly asked you. They all did, eventually.
“Three. My parents and my brother were killed-no, murdered by Voldemort himself. Such an honor” you answered softly, trying to prevent the memories from drowning you, therefore the use of sarcasm. He seemed to grow quieter. You didn’t want pity.
“I think it is safe to say that those with this Patronus often have the gentlest souls of all, an exceptional wizard or witch who has emerged strong from a dark past” he said in a small voice, making eye contact with you, or trying to, since you wouldn’t look anywhere near him.
“I do have to ask you one more thing. Why did you avoid my class the previous month?” he continued once he realized that you weren’t going to look at him. What could you possibly tell him?
“First the boggart, now my Patronus. What is it with your class that makes my life so difficult?” you playfully asked. It was your coping mechanism. You dared to look at him, a small smile playing on his lips-oh, his lips… and that small scar on his upper lip… 


It was your birthday, it was Saturday and it was freezing. You had the day to yourself since your friends had visited Hogsmeade. You had decided to stay and stroll around the almost empty castle. It was snowing and everything was covered in white. It was serene. You had purposely missed the breakfast so you could sneak something from the kitchens- some chocolate and tea would be nice. This time you greeted the house elves but since they didn’t have something to do, you wouldn’t keep them there, forcing them to make you something. You were a big girl. You could do it yourself.  

You were boiling the water needed for the tea when a small cough made you jump and spill it on you. Many profanities left your mouth that moment.
“I’m sorry, Y/N. Oh, Merlin, you must have burnt yourself” a guilty voice said, making you snap your head towards it. You were face to face with him. He seemed tired, exhausted really. And then you remembered… the full moon was two days ago. His eyes were more caramel that green, this time. You quickly muttered a drying spell along with a healing one and smiled comfortingly.
“No need to. I’m perfectly alright” you said extremely nonchalant. You returned to the counter and started preparing tea again.
“What brings you here, Professor?” you inquired amused. He let out a heavy breath and came next to you, placing his back against the edge of the wooden counter. Well, it wasn’t his back, but his hips… but that, you chose to ignore.
You had talked and chatted few times after class, before class, in between classes. For nothing and everything. Sometimes he would do the talking, sometimes he would listen. Sometimes he would let something small of his past slip. You could tell that he didn’t mean to, but he didn’t really regret it either. Sometimes your conversations would be about the weather; sometimes about the very meaning of existence. A week ago, he had found himself wanting to tell you about his secret. You had seen it in his eyes. That was the thing about you. People were opening up to you, easily. It had something to do with the fact that you never judged anyone, that you accepted almost everything, that you wouldn’t be afraid to fight and stand up for your loved ones. He had discovered that you may were just eighteen, but you weren’t just eighteen. And even though you didn’t know this, he had found himself waiting with anticipation your next talk.
He hadn’t answered when you handed him a cup of tea. It was your favorite and quite coincidentally his as well. He smiled at you, but he was tired and you felt bad for him. You reached for the top self-even though you weren’t that tall, you managed to get it. Two of the most amazing chocolate bars ever created. You smiled brightly, handing him one. He looked puzzled but entertained.
“When someone gives you chocolate, you don’t ask questions. You just take it” you said in a playfully serious tone, taking a sip of your tea. It was hot and exactly what you needed.
“Thank you, Y/N” he told you, rather moved by your small action. You just shrugged it off.
“So what brings you here?” he asked you, moments later, a smirk plastered on his face, lighting up the whole country.
“Hey!” you retorted. It wasn’t fair, using your question. He raised his eyebrows in amusement. You rolled your eyes, dramatically.
“Fine. I wanted to have my special day spent with chocolate” you informed him, but he furrowed his eyebrows. You sighed heavily to add to the drama.
“It’s my birthday” you said with a fake exasperation. His eyes twinkled with something that if you didn’t know any better you would identify as…hope? Mixed with something else. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but it was there. He placed down his cup and chocolate onto the table next to him.
“Happy Birthday!” he wished you, excitedly. Before you could answer, he had enveloped you into a hug. You were thrown off. Like, completely off. After a few seconds, though, you shyly hugged him back, whispering a ‘thank you’ before breaking apart. He seemed shocked and happy and more shocked. Like he didn’t expect himself to be that bold. Or you to return the gesture. He had even blushed-something that made you realize that your crush was long gone and it had been replaced by something deeper. A connection you couldn’t understand in all its glory because you had never felt like that before.
“Thank you, Professor” you said again but it didn’t feel right, calling him professor.
“Call me Remus outside the class” he said so naturally that, again, he was taken aback by his own words and boldness. You chuckled lightly.
“Remus” you said tentatively. He instantly smiled and your whole world seemed brighter.


You were proud of yourself. You hadn’t missed a single class and your grades were better than ever. You enjoyed school this year, but for entirely different reasons. It was something about him that made you feel… good, after a long time. You were very well aware of everything that would appear to be ‘problematic’. But you were also aware of your feelings. You felt l so naked when you were with him. He could strip you of your walls, of your guarded defenses, leaving you completely and utterly vulnerable. He had shattered any mental boundaries you had ever possessed. He left you breathless with his aura and creative, rhythmic way of speaking to everyone. You were losing your mind and falling into madness and it felt okay, almost a necessity. He showed you how to embrace the lack of time that humans all have, that death was the inevitable and that was not as important as people around you made it seem. You were out of your mind and that was such a wonderful thing.
Your conversations were longer and more meaningful; you had found yourself in the Astronomy Tower the other night, talking to him about your love for the night sky and how you preferred the stars over the moon. Especially the full moon-you had seen him tensed up a bit and you had ‘accidentally’ let a hint slip through your lips. You had gone silent after that until you decided to tell him. You asked him when he would trust you enough, if ever. He had looked bewildered and slightly worried. You had smiled his anxiousness away, letting him know that you knew, and it was perfectly alright because it was still him, even if he didn’t think that. That you couldn’t care less. You didn’t know this, but in that moment, he had to admit to himself something that he kept pushing away all this time. He was captivated by your very essence. And it didn’t matter that you were a student-he never saw you as anything less than an equal; sometimes he saw someone greater in you- greater than anyone who had met before. Someone who held the wisdom of the world inside their soul. You had told him that you had always felt older than your age and that even Dumbledore had said that sometimes you were older than him. He had laughed and that sound was honey to your ears.
Ever since that night, you were closer to each other, stealing glances and sending small smiles even across the class. You could sense that he was low-key, proud of you when you declined every single boy that had come up and asked you out on a date. You didn’t want to get your hopes up, but you felt it.
Due to your past of falsehoods, you had developed this theory that all men are no good, worthless. He had shown you that men could be loyal, passionate, tender, and caring creatures. The boys you have dealt with were the complete opposite. He had made you see that there was a huge difference between the boys you had dated and the man you craved. You had finally met someone who meant more than a lot to you. And not just the ‘he makes me feel special’ but that person that you would fight harder for than you would for yourself. That person that made you want to be better, that showed you your true essence that you didn’t know existed until they came along. You had discovered things about yourself just from being with him. It started as a crush; after a while, you found yourself in love; and now… you could feel something more. Something selfless. It was the little things he would do that made you smile and cry at the same time. You knew that he felt it too-maybe not in the romantic way you did, but still. There was a connection that no one could deny.
It was a cold February night but your heart was warmer than ever. In fact, it was so warm you couldn’t handle it. You couldn’t really take it anymore. You had found your way to his chambers. You didn’t really know how you were to say this. You couldn’t exactly walk in and go all ‘Hello, I’m in love with you. Okay, bye’. But once he opened the door, even that felt like a good idea. He was ravishing in the dim light. He smiled and it seemed that the sun had lost its glory. His eyes captured yours and you felt like you could melt under his gaze. You loved him. Merlin, you did. How could you be so stupid, thinking that it was just a crush? When you didn’t respond, he furrowed his eyebrows, asking you if you were alright, stepping aside so you could walk in.
The moment that door closed, every single restraint you had… was gone. Every single defensive mechanism… gone.
“I need to tell you something. I am in love with you. I have been for a while now. And I know that I am not supposed to feel that way. But I do and I can’t shake you off of my mind. You’re constantly there, reminding of everything I want and cannot have. Your mind is a masterpiece and your soul is ethereal. Extremely delicate and light in a way that seems too perfect for this world. Effortlessly, you shine brighter than the sun itself and when you smile, every pair of knees weaken, bowing down to the ingenious design you are. You are the kind of art that captures the blinding light that keeps me from opening my eyes, but how I foolishly don’t mind and long to go blind by such greatness. Your imperfections are my delight” you finally told him. You had let go of everything that was holding you back. You knew what he would tell you and you knew that he would try to make it hurt as less as possible, but he would start avoiding you. And even the thought hurt but you couldn’t cope with it any longer. When you finally looked at him, he was pale and visibly shaken.
“I think you should go” he said in a small voice. He didn’t sound mad or angry or strict. You nodded. You had clearly overstepped your boundaries. You reached for the knob, but before you opened the door, you whispered a question that would torture his mind for a while.
“Is it because of the ‘difficulties’ or because you don’t like me like that? I don’t need an answer. But you do”. With that, and a stolen glance you left his room, closing the door behind you.
You let out a long breath. At least, you were honest with him and most importantly, with yourself. He was your teacher after all and almost twice your age. You could see the ‘problems’ as other people would call them. You weren’t stupid. You were, however, completely, unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. But that didn’t mean that he was. 


You were merely right. You hadn’t talked or chatted or looked each other ever since that night.  He wasn’t avoiding you per say, but he wasn’t thrilled spending time with you, either. And that’s why you never pressured things. You had done your part. And he had done his. It hurt because you were pretending you didn’t feel that way anymore, but in all honesty, you were falling even harder every time you saw him, thought about him… him. You had felt the urge to bang your head against a wall or something in order to stop thinking scenarios that would never be true.
Months had gone by. April was almost gone. You felt that you needed a change. That was the main reason that you agreed on a ‘friendly’ date. He was good looking, smart and funny. He was a really nice boy. But that was all he was. A boy. Nonetheless, you had decided to dress up a bit. It was spring and the sun was spreading its warmth all over the place, so after a lot of thinking you found yourself in a beautiful yet casual lilac dress, with your hair in loose curls and a touch of makeup. You looked good, you thought a tad surprised. You were about to turn when you bumped into someone. You would have apologized quicker if it wasn’t for your lack of focus.
“I-I’m sorry, professor” you whispered. You saw him grimacing at your last word but then his expression turned into one of admiration. You knew you had blushed, feeling his eyes roaming your body like a second skin. You locked eyes with him. You could see the desire in them. Act on it, you stubborn git, you thought to yourself. He opened and closed his mouth too many times. You just shook your head and left. Or tried to. His hand was wrapped around your wrist, gently, almost scared by the very action. You halted and faced him. You were done playing games. You have had enough. And he did too, apparently.
“I’ve tried distancing myself, making up excuses, intentionally finding reasons to avoid you but none of it ever worked” he admitted shyly but… finally. Your eyes widened a bit, your breath was caught on the back of your throat. Did he really just say that?
“Never have I felt something more compelling than this bond we share. But I’m your teacher and twice your age and that’s not even the worst part. I can’t escape these feelings but I don’t know what to do, Y/N” he continued. He seemed almost vulnerable. Feeling like you would explode, you slowly brought your hands to his face, cupping his cheek, electrified by the touch. He pierced your eyes with his and boy, you were a goner. Not being able to handle it any longer, you crashed your lips to his. It didn’t set off fireworks, it set off an atomic bomb. His lips were soft and warm yet hungry. He kissed you deeply and pulled you closer, his hands wrapped around your waist, holding you in place. You kissed him back with the equal amount of lust and hunger and emotion. You softly bit his lower lip, tracing your tongue across it. But he pulled away, leaving you… empty.
“We shouldn’t. This is wrong” he murmured trying to convince himself more than anything else. You grabbed his hand and without letting him complain, dragged him-quite literally- to his room. Thankfully it was just around the corner. 

Keep reading

The Boss’ son

Will hated his boss with a passion. He was a jumped-up know-it-all who sent everyone out to work for rip-off prices and tried every method he could to cut corners. Will had been working for the company since he was 18 and had garnered a reputation for himself as a hard worker and a highly skilled construction man over the last 11 years. He now managed a team of men who both respected and liked him. But one year the company was sold to Terrance, the new boss and things had started to slide very quickly.

One morning, Terrance announced that he would be introducing his 21 year old son into the world of business starting from the very bottom by working with Will and his men for the next few months before moving up to bigger and better things. Terrance had no idea how to sugar coat things.

Kyle was a tall and lanky young guy with a long trendy hairstyle that did not look right with the construction worker clothes he was parading around in. Will hated him instantly. He had a surly look on his face and looked like he’d never be strong enough to do the sort of work the other men had to do on a daily basis. It also made Wills blood boil with anger that his friend Gary had been fired last week to cut costs; clearly just an exercise to make way for Kyle.

Kyle was just as useless as Will had expected. He was lazy, weak and had a superior attitude to everyone else. Will tried to be nice. He was looking around at other companies for work, but he still had a mortgage to pay on his own, so he couldn’t risk upsetting the boss too much.

Will was a strapping guy. He was 6′2 and bigger than any of the other men in his team. He’d been in construction work for 12 years and spent his leisure time in the gym building more muscle. He liked to keep his men well fed to improve morale and he usually found that the guys would grow stronger and more bulky after some time working with him. It all helped to make his team the best performing in the company.

Will was sure to be nice to Kyle, but he didn’t mind when the other guys played pranks on him or called him names like ‘whippet’ to denote his scrawny physique.

Kyle was not keen on hard work. He’d pick the least energy consuming job he could and was awful with any other jobs he was given. In the end, Will settled for a quiet life, giving Kyle the simplest job he could find. Something he couldn’t fuck up. Kyle was clearly just counting down the days until he could move up the company ladder and on to bigger and better things. Maybe the guys who were mean to him were forgetting that Kyle would be their boss one day.

The meaningless jobs grew more and more meaningless. Kyle was useless. Will would often leave him in charge to guard the tools if they were in a bad neighbourhood and enjoyed the time with his other men instead. It made Will angry that he’d lost a competent worker to pay for useless Kyle to be here.

However, Kyle would happily tuck in to all the food with the guys. For a guy who barely did any work, he sure built up an appetite. Will would find himself sending Kyle off to collect food for the guys and see an extra bag of food Kyle had bought for himself. Like Will, a lot of the guys on Will’s team were in to body building and so they ate frequently throughout the day to keep their muscles fed. Kyle seemed to think this was just a regular thing for working men and tucked in to his grub alongside them.

It wasn’t long before the results started to show. Kyle’s ass started to develop some shape and he had the beginnings of a little double chin. His nipples started to show under his t shirt and he filled out his uniform a little better than he had before. Unlike the men who usually worked under Will, none of the extra weight was muscle.

The guys picked up on it straight away. ‘Terrance’s boy is looking a bit fatter isn’t he? one laughed. ‘Ha, yeah, I’m not surprised though, he eats like a fucking pig and doesn’t do any work’, commented another.

‘Guys’, said Will. ‘Just leave him be. He’ll be out of our hair in a few months and he can get as fat as he wants. We’re just keeping Terrance sweet. In fact…’ Will stopped, suddenly allowing his evil streak to shine through, ‘we should just take advantage of it. Nothing will show Terrance what a lazy bastard his son is than having him gain a few lbs’.

The guys laughed and looked across at Kyle who was sat by a bucket cleaning tools across the site. ‘I say, let the guy eat’, smiled Will. ‘What do you say guys?’

Over the next few weeks, Will made sure his men stopped for plenty for food during work time. Kyle greedily ate at every stop. The guys sniggered to each other as they watched Kyle tuck in. They’d leave some of their food or offer it to Kyle, grinning at each other as he accepted every time.

The results were almost instant. Kyle’s ass started to develop some width to it. His stomach looked like it was getting doughy underneath his shirt and his face was softening up well. The guys even conspired to have Kyle change a load of lightbulbs across the site so that they could see his exposed gut as he lifted his arms in the air; sneakily taking pictures with their phones. Not only did Kyle have a soft little belly, but two chunky love handles were starting to bloom as well. The guys were in hysterics talking about it all.

As Kyles work pants started to get tight, Will made an effort to get him new ones. ‘Look at those biceps!’ he said, walking by Kyle one morning. ‘You can tell you’re a construction worker now. You’re really starting to pack on some muscle like me and the boys. I think you’ll need a larger size outfit for these guns. Here’s a medium. Well done man!’

Kyle grinned to himself and smiled like he genuinely thought he was one of the boys. The guys were a bit annoyed at Will when they could no laugh at him struggling to do up his pants after going to the toilet. However, Will was just trying to stop him realising how fat he was getting and going on a diet. He told the guys about what he had said about Kyle’s biceps and advised the guys to do the same. Now that Kyle was seriously chunking up, they had to do all they could to stop him going on a diet.

By the time the six months was up, Kyle had gained at least 40bs of fat. He had a chubby little ass and a belly that was actually starting to round out into a proper gut. The guys had been called in for a full team briefing. Will expected that this was where they would be told that Kyle was getting his promotion. In reality, the future looked much more bleak.

Terrance wanted to take the company in a different direction. Rather than taking on extensive projects, the company would instead focus on smaller scale work and split up into smaller teams. Will would no longer be working with the team he had grown so fond of over the years. He watched as his team was split before his eyes, leaving only him in the middle of the room. Was he about to be fired?

‘And what about me?’ he asked Terrance, hatefully.

Terrance looked at him as if he was the stupidest guy he’d ever met. ‘You’ve got Kyle of course’.

Kyle was taking a sick day, something he liked to do at least once a fortnight. Will clearly failed to hide the frustration in his face.

‘Hey’, bellowed Terrance. ‘I chose you because I know he’ll learn a lot from working with you one-to-one, so don’t give me attitude. I also want you to shape him up a bit. That kid has grown pretty fucking fat working with your boys over there.’

Oh, you think he’s fat do you? thought Will. Ha! He’d show Terrance. Will was going to make sure Kyle was the softest, plumpest construction worker Terrance had ever seen. I’m going to really fatten up the lazy fucker he thought to himself, determined. What Will didn’t expect was the slight boner he had in his pants as he thought about taking control of Kyle’s body so consciously at the front of his mind.

‘Hey buddy!’ he greeted Kyle warmly the next day. ‘It’s you and me. Isn’t that great?’

‘Yeah, I guess so’, said Kyle sounding like he wasn’t bothered.

‘I’m hungry, let’s head for some breakfast.’

‘Yeah, I’m up for that’, said a work-shy Kyle.

Will made sure to eat plenty in front of Kyle and then burned it off taking on the extra work whilst he found the most menial job for Kyle that would stop him burning off the calories. Will also punished himself each night in the gym and found that the extra calories and workouts made him look more pumped than ever. Kyle would always out eat him anyway. It was the one thing he was actually good at. And so it was that Kyle grew steadily softer as Will grew larger and more ripped than he had ever been in his life.

It was around this time that Will started to realise that Kyle was developing a crush on him. He sometimes caught him starting at him when he had his shirt off and would always go red faced and shy when Will asked him about girls. Will didn’t mind and quickly realised that he could use it to his advantage.

‘Damn you’re strong now Kyle. I can’t get over how you lifted that bag of cement like it was nothing. Must be those big strong thighs of yours huh?’ Kyle swallowed it all, thinking he was more hunk than chunk. Will would always comment on his manly appetite and say how good he was at eating, like it was a competition.

Kyles small belly started to roll over his pants. His nipples bloomed into round, juicy moobs and his ass widened further. Will really enjoyed the effect he was having on him and his cock started to swell with pride with the increasing dominance he had over Kyle’s body.

‘What do you want to eat this morning?’ asked Will.

’Nothing, I’m not hungry’, said Kyle in a sulky voice. This was clearly the day Will had been dreading.

’What’s the matter man? That’s not like you.’

‘My dad told me I was turning into a fat ass. Had a huge go at me last night.’

Yes, you are turning in to a fat ass thought Will to himself, feeling the thrill of him having annoyed Terrance by making his son into a fat little porker.

‘You’re dads a dick’, said Will bluntly. ‘He has no idea about construction work’. Will pointed to a guy across the street who was skinny and underfed looking. ‘See that guy over there? That’s what you used to look like when you came to work for us. Does he look like he can carry a bag of cement like you can?’

‘No’, said Kyle, quietly.

‘No way. You need to be big and muscular to do our type of work. Big men, with big appetites, like us. So if you think you’re going to diet and go back to looking like that scrawny little shit over there, you might as well resign now. I’d rather have my partner who can down 5 cheeseburgers, like you did the other day’, nodded Will like he was still genuinely impressed by Kyle masculinity. ‘So what do you say buddy?’

‘Yeah, I guess so. I think you’re right. My dads an ass. He’s never worked in construction in the way we have.’

‘Yeah, that’s more like it’, cheered Will. ‘Fuck him!’

‘Fuck him!’ repeated Kyle.

‘Ata boy’, smiled Will, slapping Kyle’s belly and taking the wheel. ‘So where are we going for breakfast?’

Kyle never mentioned dieting again. Will felt himself getting hard as he imagined Kyle going home each day just a little fatter than the last. His dad forced to watch as his son slowly turned in to a fat pig with absolutely no control over what Will was doing to him.

Will became more flirty with Kyle. He constantly complemented him on his big shoulders, wide chest and thick thighs. Kyle took it all in, not realising that Will was actually complementing him on how damn soft and fat he was growing. He’d take his shirt off at any opportunity he could and took pleasure in Kyle trying to avoid being caught watching him. He also encouraged Kyle to take his shirt off and always chose something to complement him on when he did so: ‘Look at those guns big guy’; or ‘No one’s going to mess with you big man.’

Kyle had a proper belly on him now. It swelled over his pants and provided a shelf for his moobs to sit on. The contrast between Will’s hard body and Kyle’s soft flab made Will so damn horny it was hard to keep his hands from grabbing a roll of Kyle’s fat as he sat next to him each day in the van.

‘See that guy over there’, pointed Will one day whilst they were parked up tucking in to a mountain of fast food. ‘I’m not gay, but I could totally get a man crush on him. What do you think?’

‘Um, yeah’, said Kyle, somewhat caught off guard.

‘He’s got the big arms and shoulders, like you I suppose. But…nah, actually. If I was going to give up fucking girls for a guy, he’d have to be a bit burlier than that. I couldn’t hack being with someone who couldn’t eat like we can. You know what I mean?’

Kyle was stunned into silence.

‘Ha! Relax man, I’m sure even you’ve had a man crush in your time! Its all good’, he laughed as he patted Kyle on his fat thighs and watched as Kyle had to adjust himself to avoid showing a semi he was probably getting at that very moment.

Will played up to Kyles crush more and more over the coming weeks; patting his ass playfully and holding eye contact just that little bit too long. Kyle seemed to respond by showing off just how bulky and manly he was by eating more than ever before.

‘Fuck Will! What have you done to Kyle?’ whispered the guys from Will’s old team as they met up for a staff briefing a couple of months later. ‘He’s fucking huge!’

‘I know’, grinned Will, ‘I’ve turned him into a fucking pig. You should see how much I’ve got him eating in a day now. Poor fatty has to wear XL’, he laughed, feeling his cock stiffening.

The guys were stunned by the transformation, staring at Kyle from across the room.

‘It’s pure lard as well’, said Will, enjoying the opportunity to speak out loud about what he had been doing to Kyle over the last 9 months. ‘There’s a fucking huge gut under that shirt!’

The guys patted him on the back and sat back in their chairs to marvel some more.

Terrance came out and announced that the company’s previous redirection into smaller scale projects was working out less profitable than he had expected. Big surprise there, thought Will. As such he would be reforming the old teams to take on larger work from next week. Will was overjoyed. His old team back!

‘And, I’m pleased to announce that my son Kyle will be moving up the company to work as part of my junior staff. I’m sure we can all congratulate him on his hard work over the last 15 months.’

There was a half-hearted clap from the crowd, but Will suddenly realised that he was actually going to miss Kyle more than he ever thought he would. He was too stunned to clap. After tomorrow, Kyle would no longer be with him every day.

Will made sure their last day was extra fattening. Kyle ate every meal like it was his last and Will felt a deep dread in his stomach that he would never get to enjoy watching the fatty pig out any more.

‘Hey, since you’re getting this promotion, why not come over to mine to celebrate tonight? Have a few beers with me?’

‘Sure!’ spat, Kyle with too much enthusiasm. ‘I’d love to!’

The day was over pretty fast and before Will knew it, Kyle was at his door ready to celebrate his promotion.

Will was already shirtless and wearing tight little shorts so that Kyle could see more of his body than ever before. He took Kyle straight into the back yard where he had a barbecue going. Will had no neighbours so it was a nice private space to be in.

‘Smells great’, said Kyle, his mouth already watering. ‘I didn’t know we were doing food.’

‘Ha, come on, its us, of course were doing food. You don’t get big and bulky like us without enjoying your food right? Take your shirt off man, it’s roasting this evening.’

Kyle obeyed and sat himself in a chair with a cool beer in his hand.

Will watched as Kyle ate and ate. He was sure to wear his sunglasses so that Kyle could not see him checking out his round, spherical gut as he spoke to him the whole evening, growing hornier and hornier.

‘So have you thought about your man crush yet?’ asked Will as the conversation about the best beers started to dry out.

’Ha’, laughed Kyle nervously. ‘I guess, I have’. He was on his fifth beer and feeling more than a little confident. ‘I guess he would have to be a guy like you. You know, muscly and strong looking. Nice face, a bit macho.’

Will pretended to be more drunk than he was and laughed without a care in the world as he said casually, ‘Fuck man, don’t say that, you’re giving me a semi here, look!’ And he spread his legs.

Kyle took the bait. ‘I mean it though’, he pressed. ‘I’d do anything to be with a guy like you.’

Kyle had played his hand too early and all of the power now lay in Will’s hands.

‘Anything huh?’ he said standing up and moving to stand over Kyle, who looked up almost concerned about how Will was going to react. ‘Stand up for me.’

Kyle did as he was told without question, standing there as Will slowly began to circle him.

‘Well, you’ve got a cute ass on you’, whispered Will into Kyle’s ear, grabbing a handful of soft flesh. ‘Take your shorts off so I can see it properly.’

Kyle obeyed, taking off his shorts like it was the most natural thing in the world. Will pulled at the waistband of Kyle’s underwear and peered down at his naked ass, all soft and round.

‘Mmm, yeah that’s one cute ass you’ve been hiding from me.’

He continued to circle Kyle.

‘And I know you have a nice manly appetite, so that’s one thing checked off my man crush list. A nice thick chest’, he continued, stroking Kyle’s fat moob. ‘But, oh dear, what’s this?’ he asked moving his hand down to lightly stroke Kyles fat gut.

‘What’s this?’ repeated Will more loudly as he stared through his sunglasses into Kyles submissive eyes.

‘It’s…it’s my belly’, said Kyle, unsure of the correct answer.

‘Yes, it is’, said Will harshly, grabbing a roll and jiggling it. ‘This…’ he continued. ‘This belly is not quite what I’m after.’

‘You want me to lose weight?’ asked Kyle, red faced.

‘No, I don’t’ said Will, pressing his abs into Kyle as he leaned in closer. ‘If I’m going to stop fucking girls to screw a guy, he’s going to have to have a belly that’s much, much bigger than this.’

He moved back slightly and looked at Kyle square in face. ‘And when I say bigger Kyle, I mean fatter, much, much fatter’. He slid his hand down under Kyle’s belly to grab Kyle’s hard cock, starting to stroke it up and down. Kyle melted instantly.

‘You think you could do that for me Kyle?’

Kyle nodded as he closed his eyes to enjoy the pleasure of being touched by Will.

‘You think you could grow a big fat belly for me Kyle?’

‘Yes’, he breathed. ‘I’d do anything for you.’

‘Good. Because…’ said Will, taking Kyle’s hand and placing it a foot in front of his gut, ‘…I want your fat belly to come out to here. You understand that Kyle?’

‘Yes, anything’, breathed Kyle.

Will pushed him harshly back into his chair. Will once again towering over him, he pulled his shorts and underwear down, revealing his hard cock before moving his groin in closer to Kyle’s face for him to suck him off.

‘Open wide, fat boy’, demanded Will, shoving his cock into Kyle’s mouth which he greedily took.

‘Plenty more of this to come when you grow that belly fatter for me Kyle.’

‘Mmm’, moaned Kyle as he tugged himself off with Will’s penis in his mouth.

‘I want to see you eat and swell up and grow…fatter and…fatter and…’.

Will exploded into Kyles mouth, making Kyle do the same.

Will stood there for a short while before pulling away and peering down at Kyle.

‘Did you enjoy that?’ he asked, sternly.

‘Yes, I really did.’

‘Good. And you know what you need to do if you want that again, don’t you?’ said Will, talking a roll of Kyle’s fat belly in his hand.

‘Yes, sir. I do.’

April Fool’s DLC SUFFERING Ending  Guide Part 1

So I’m still shook over one of the normal (read: SUFFERING) endings I finally unlocked from the Mystic Messenger April Fool’s DLC. Here is my guide of what I USED which unlocked the ending.

Following this should give you the unlock the chats “Epiphany” and “The world for you and me” after the game branch. 

Also: Spoilers! I’m placing this guide under the cut. 

Keep reading

The Secret Book Club Part 3

Originally posted by myriam97blog

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Content/Warnings: If you squint, there’s sorta fluff? Though not with the god of mischief 😜 But more than anything there’s angst. You guys should have known that was gonna come sooner or later! Also minor spoiler for Ragnarok!

Words: 1864

Prompt: LOKI X READER WHO SHARE BOOKS AND READ TO EACHOTHER AND LOTS OF FLUFF HHH THAT WOULD BE SO CUTE PLEASE

Anon I promise we’ll get to your fluff soon, but it’s always so much fluffier when it’s built up, don’t you think? As always if you want to be added to the tag list, inbox me! 

@Mrsethedreamqueen, @Asometimestroubledmind, @undiscoveries, @ladydork, @thefallenbibliophilequote, @What-lies-within-us, @mymourningtea, @autistic-alien, @pixierox101, @whatsbetterthanfantasy, @sarcasmismysexuality, @allltheships, @mrsstarkpotter, @meunicorn, @weasley-parker, @constellationsolo, @graysonmalfoy, @prncesskte, @mi-draws, @trans-kid-trash, @thecaptainamerica16, @deafeninghighheels, @also-known-as-me, @riverdalerebel

Part one
Part two
Part four
Part five
Part six
Part seven (NSFW)

Keep reading

100 Otp Questions

1. Who loves flower crowns more?
2. Who is the one who likes to cuddle?
3. Who has awful taste in music?
4. Who is the meme lover?“
5. How did their second date go?
6. How many children do they want/have?
7. Who hides the weapons?
8. Who is the better dancer?
9. Do/Did they have a theme wedding?
10. What do their parents think of them dating?
11. Are they a super sappy couple?
12. How did they get together?
13. Who asked the other to get married?
14. Who stays up too late and makes stupid jokes?
15. Who is the nerd?
16. Who knows the most obscure facts?
17. Who makes the other a flower crown?
18. Who likes to read?
19. Who bothers the other person while the other person reads?
20. Who tutors the other?
21. Do they have similar taste in movies?
22. How do their personalities compliment each other?
23. How do they tell everyone that they are going to be having a kid/adopting a child soon?
24. Who has better fashion sense?
25. Who will punch someone out if they are rude to their partner?
26. What songs do they sing together in the vehicle?
27. What other couple would your otp get along with?
28. Who likes to prank the other?
29. Who is the one who loves to take pictures?
30. How would they react if they found out they were soul mates?
31. Where would they live?
32. What type of dragon would they own, if they could have one?
33. If they were both vampires, what type of vampires would they be?
34. What would they dress up as, for Halloween?
35. Can they name each other’s favourite food?
36. Do they have pet names for one another?
37. How do they cheer each other up?
38. Do they show a lot of PDA?
39. How old were they when they got together?
40. Who is the one that would bring the puppy home?
41. Can they do yoga couple’s poses?
42. What is their song?
43. What does their room look like?
44. Who would be the one to kill zombies while the other keeps them grounded?
45. Who makes the other breakfast in bed?
46. Who loves kids more?
47. Do either of them have a crazy ex?
48. What are their favourite colours?
49. Who likes to cook?
50. Who is the forgetful one?
51. Does either of them know how to fight?
52. What do they do for Valentines Day?
53. Who swears more?
54. Who has the better comebacks?
55. Who would start a fight with another parent at a bake sale?
56. Who reads buzzfeed?
57. Who is the hopeless romantic?
58. Do either of them know how to do a handstand?
59. Who can rap better?
60. Do either of them want to go sky diving?
61. What do they usually text about?
62. Who is the dramatic one?
63. Is either one confrontational?
64. What is their favourite cuddle position?
65. Who are their favourite musical artist(s)?”
66. What are their parenting styles?
67. Who would be the more laid back one?
68. Who listens to more vulgar music?
69. Do either of them have secrets even the other doesn’t know?
70. Who is their go to couple for a double date?
71. Do they tip the waiter/waitress on their date?
72. How do they work out a fight?
73. Who brings home an illegal pet?
74. What side of the bed do each of them sleep on?
75. What is their favorite photo of them two together?
76. Who takes longer in the bathroom?
77. Who has more songs on their ipod?
78. What movie did they first see together?
79. What do they like to see each other in?
80. Who makes jokes during inappropriate times?
81. At what age do they discuss the possibility of children?
82. What do they love about each other the most?
83. Who is the one that sees the big picture, while the other focus’s on the small details?
84. What would they write on their partner’s social media’s for their anniversary?
85. Who is bad at math?
86. Who googles everything?
87. Who does stuff on impulse?
88. How do they comfort each other when they are helpless to do anything about the situation?
89. What is an inside joke they have?
90. Who makes the other smile with almost no effort at all?
91. What is their favourite holiday?
92. Who is the one that is calm and collected while the other is angry and destructive?
93. What is their favourite board game to play?
94. Who accidental sets something on fire?
95. Who has the car ready while the other is robbing the store?
96. What artist/group did they go to for their first concert?
97. Who sleep talks?
98. Who is the more social one?
99. What are their karaoke songs?
100. Who would get up on stage and make a fool of themselves just to make the other laugh?

FFXV x KH Headcanons That I Have But Probably Won’t Doodle Part 4

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

  • You know how sometimes in FFXV when you’re out in the woods next to animals that won’t attack you, you end up hitting one by accident while you’re fending off MTs?
    • SORA DOES THIS AND IT RUINS HIS LIFE
    • HE HITS AN ANAK. 
      • NOT JUST AN ANAK
        • AN ANAK CALF
    • He uses a Megalixir on it… Gladio is ready to End Him for wasting that on a stupid-looking giraffe cow!!!!
    • (Ignis: “Prompto, Noctis, go distract Sora while I take some of the mother’s meat to cook for dinner. I’ve come up with a new recipe, and the secret ingredient is ATTEMPTED INFANTICIDE.”)
  • While we’re talking about Sora and killing things– he doesn’t like to kill bugs. That puts him at odds with Noct and Prom on multiple occasions. Those two are the embodiment of those Internet memes depicting people burning their houses down to kill a single crazy-looking insect. Meanwhile Sora is over there feeling guilty about accidentally stepping on a snail
    • A talking cricket capable of reading and writing lived in Sora’s hoodie for like two years okay HE HAS A SOFT SPOT
    • Yes Sora is that guy to catch a spider and let it outside
    • Yes Gladio has killed bugs that Sora wanted to save while he scrambled around trying to find a paper towel… because yeah. He doesn’t want to touch that creepy crawly with his bare hands, even if his motives are Pure
      • “BORIS THE SPIDER! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”
  • Sora is able to see Gentiana and Carbuncle without the use of a camera
    • Cue the bros using Sora’s Actual Sixth Sense to their advantage by having him guide them to make silly poses with the invisible deities
      • Noctis can’t believe Gentiana plays along. What a good sport.
    • Sora checking his phone during one of Carbuncle’s visits and beginning to giggle uncontrollably
      • THIS LITTLE FLUFF BALL HAS THE DIRT ON EMBARRASSING CHILD NOCT STORIES
      • Noct: “How tf did he get your number”
  • Since Sora is a couple of years younger than everyone else (I headcanon him as 17/18 when he first comes to Eos), Ignis and Gladio are Very Protective of him
    • Honestly it’s like Sora has four big brothers
      • Gladio is floored by the fact that Sora is more or less a self-taught swordsman
        • He still helps train Sora because technique is important
          • He swells up with So Much Pride when he catches Sora using a move he’d taught him during training on an MT
        • Gladio is so excited to take Sora to try his first meal of Cup Noodles
          • Sora ends up being a bit of a purist; he doesn’t like meat or veggies– just ramen and broth.
      • Ignis is baffled by nearly everything Sora does and how nonchalantly he does it
        • This kid can jump nine feet in the air and even executes a fussy little flip when he does it wtf
          • Oh, well. At least Sora can pick those fruit over there by jumping and reaching so no one has to climb the tree and risk a broken neck
            • (Noctis: “I didn’t break my neck, Specs– I sprained my wrist!!”
            • Ignis: “Which wouldn’t have happened if you’d been more careful.”)
        • Sora is dared (hmm by whom?? I wonder…….) to prank Ignis by putting a rogue ingredient into the stew one night.
          • He and his cohorts (you know who they are) watch Ignis do a taste-test nonchalantly 
            • Who am I kidding they are totally obvious as they try to stop themselves from laughing
              • Dunno why you’re laughing, though, boys– that’s your dinner you’re sabotaging
          • Ignis is obviously disgusted by what he tastes. He stands there for a moment… and then he fumbles around in his pack for new ingredients
          • You bet your ass Ignis salvages the stew. In fact, it actually tastes better than before?? “I’ve come up with a new recipe, and the secret ingredient is ATTEMPTED SABOTAGE.”
            • Don’t ask Sora what the rogue ingredient was, Ignis. He’s not from around here and wouldn’t really know a Lieden pepper from a Duscaean potato
              • Prompto caves and tells him
        • The next day… how strange… it seems that Ignis only made enough dinner for himself and Gladio to enjoy… looks like it’s time for Toast for the Culinary Saboteurs
          • Ignis drags it out for a bit before giving the boys their share.
      • Noctis reminds Sora of Riku a lot.
        • Yes, by that I mean he tries to have a cool exterior but is actually a Giant Goober
        • Noct fishing while sitting at the end of the pier with Sora, long after the other bros have lost interest and wandered elsewhere
          • Long talks about friends and hopes for the future
          • Noctis feeling a little guilty because Sora seems so… comfortable with the burden of protecting not just one world, but a whole bunch.
            • Meanwhile, Noctis is reluctant to accept a king’s responsibility. He never asked for this. He just wants to be… normal.
              • Sora eventually admitting to having doubts about why the Keyblade stayed with him, and quietly wishing for the day to come that the worlds won’t need a single Keyblade master.
                • Turns out the two of them have more in common than Noct first thought.
          • Noctis trying to reel in the DEMON FISH from the VR game and Sora is in such a panic and so desperate to help that he PUNCHES THE MONSTER FISH IN THE FACE and BREAKS EVERY KNUCKLE IN HIS RIGHT HAND
      • Prompto and Sora are BEST FRIENDS and honestly IT HAPPENS SO FAST
        • Prom gives Sora some photography lessons and lets him loose in Galdin Quay
          • He ends up with a memory card full of cat photos of various angles and degrees of blurriness
        • Somehow a local reporter overhears Sora talking with Prompto about his intention to take a photo with every single Kenny Crow statue in Lucis and ends up having a little article published about him. Just seems like one of those slice-of-life stories that the media would eat up
          • They use one of Prompto’s photos of Sora and Kenny for the newspaper!!! It’s on like the 85th page nestled into a corner, but he’s!!! Officially!! A published photographer!!!
          • In the long night, there are several instances that find Prom and Sora on a hunt near a Crow’s Nest they never had a chance to visit during their road trip. Taking a photo is a matter of obligation at this point
            • Prompto scrolling through the Caw, Kids! It’s Sora Crow! folder and tearing up as he starts from the first photo and scrolls forward. By year seven of the long night, Sora’s smile as he stands under Kenny’s wing doesn’t reach his eyes
  • Starscourge!Sora headcanons that aren’t completely miserable??? Look at them, hanging out above the angst cut????
    • It eventually gets to the point that Sora’s left eye glows in the dark like a nightlight
      • Prompto finds himself using the glow of Sora’s fuckin’ daemon eye to try and read the map after his flashlight’s battery dies
        • omfg
        • It’s just so absurd that the two of them burst out laughing
        • It’s the first time either of them had laughed in a while. It felt… nice…
        • Gladio pressing a hand over Sora’s eye when they’re trying to sneak up on a daemon because it will give them away
        • Prompto’s response is to give Sora an eyepatch he swiped from the clinic for their next hunt
          • Sora: “I always wanted to be a pirate as a kid. Who says dreams don’t come true, even in this horrific post-apocalyptic hellscape”
          • Also Sora: “Srsly Gladio I can see better in the dark with this eye maybe don’t”

Head into the misery dojo if you dare under the cut

Uh-oh. It is.

  • Pls don’t think about Sora desperately trying to break into the Crystal after he discovers that it’s dragged Noctis inside of it.
    • The Keyblade’s strength depends on the heart of its wielder. He should be able to cut through this! He can cut through anything!!!!
    • It takes a very long time before Sora or any of the Chocobros leave that chamber. 
      • Yes they stay there for days hoping beyond hope that Noct will come out
  • During the long night, Sora becomes a daemon hunter and a team leader for a group of search and rescue teams
    • His first retrieval mission ends… badly. The people who’d sent the distress signal were long gone by the time Sora and his team got there
      • One of the kids was in mid-transformation after being afflicted with the Starscourge…
      • Sora can’t land the fatal blow. He goes outside and throws up while Dave finishes the job
      • Search and rescue missions are a source of extreme anxiety for Sora after that… but he has to try and save as many people as he can
  • Sora tries not to think about Riku, Kairi, or any of his friends beyond Eos. It hurts too much. He tries to put his Wayfinder in a shoebox in his apartment to avoid its constant reminder of what he’s lost… but he just can’t bring himself to part with it
    • He wishes he did when he takes a nasty spill into a ravine during a solo mission two years into the long night. Smashes his Wayfinder into pieces.
      • He’s too injured to climb out of the ravine, too. He gives up after a couple of attempts and just gathers up the pieces of the good luck charm that he can. He just lay there in a heap and watches the stars
      • Prompto, Ignis, and Gladio hear about Sora’s disappearance and team up for the first time in almost a year to find him
        • They make it in time. Lots of potions and a piggyback ride to safety courtesy of Gladio see our dorkupine boy right
        • Prompto notices Sora throw something in the trash before leaving the clinic and finds the Wayfinder pieces. He knows what the charm represents and how devastated Sora must be that it’s been irreparably destroyed.
          • He gathers up the pieces, puts them in a pouch, and leaves it on the table in the kitchen of Sora’s tiny apartment. He leaves a note, too: I know they haven’t given up on you. So don’t give up on them.
            • A few days later, Sora gives Prompto, Ignis, and Gladio each a piece of the charm. So that all of us will find each other, in the end
              • Noctis takes a piece of the charm with him to the throne
Masterlist

*Special thanks to @thing-you-do-with-that-thing for making me this beautiful header!*

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Song Analysis: What’s the Use of Feeling (Blue)?

I’ve been mulling this song over since I’d first heard it. For one, it confirms a lot of things about Homeworld and the Diamonds that I’ve been harping on for a while now. But this post isn’t a sermon about how to sympathise with the Diamonds better. I’m not too big a fan of that perspective. Rather, it’s the power that we receive when we empathise with them.

The thing about the Diamonds is that they’re all powerful, huge, and “human.” They err and have feelings, not necessarily in that order. So when they irrationally do something that hurts a lot of individuals and even entire planets, the answer isn’t to excuse them because “they’re sad.” The answer is to reach out to them in a way they understand so that they don’t do it again, and more appropriate to our context, make amends

Because the two very polar sides of “forgive” and “punish” aren’t constructive. To side with either doesn’t do justice to the people and gems who’ve already been lost or still are losing. It doesn’t make things better for anyone. 

This post will analyse the perspective Homeworld has of Earth and human beings. At the same time, the song reveals a lot about how gems view themselves and one another. I’ll round it up with how PD’s death impacted both Blue and Yellow Diamond and how their respective coping strategies led to the way things are now. And I’ll speculate on the immediate future of Earth in that regard.

So let’s get to it!

1. The song implies a falling-out among the Diamonds before PD’s shattering

Why would you want to be here? What do you ever see here
That doesn’t make you feel worse than you do? And tell me, what’s the use of feeling, Blue?

When the Steven Bomb opens in Steven’s Dream, we get a rare moment of hearing Blue’s thoughts. Bent over PD’s palanquin, she expresses deep regret. She says, “If only I had done more.” 

We know that Blue is sad over PD’s death. And we know from the first verse that visiting anything related to PD makes both surviving Diamonds uncomfortable. But we can find, within the lyrics, something specific about why instead of just sad, regret is interspersed in their mourning of PD.

In sharp contrast to Blue’s lament of wanting to do more, later on in the song, YD says, “Now there’s nothing we can do.” That implies at one point in time, the Diamonds were in a position to do something that could have prevented PD’s shattering. And they didn’t do it.

I want to bring back one of my older posts regarding the circumstances of PD’s shattering. In it, I mention that there’s been some sort of historical scrubbing of PD’s memory from Homeworld, such that only older gems are aware of her or feel any affinity for her. The Great Diamond Authority Logo, colour schemes, and even gem factions show no sign of PD’s ever existing, when this wasn’t the case for older structures on Earth. 

But in a slightly contradictory manner, we know the truth to be the opposite. The Diamonds didn’t take PD out of Homeworld’s memory because of the fight. Rather, they erased her because it hurt them personally to be reminded of her existence. 

When we look at the circumstances of their argument, there are a few theories I can posit. The main one being this: PD had an unconventional relationship with her Earth gems. I say this because now we have two Homeworld “subordinates” as examples in contrast.

I brought up before that Jasper felt a deep personal affinity for PD. And this may be even without having met her personally, even with the possibility of her being created after PD was shattered. On the other hand, Peridot and Holly Blue talk about their Diamonds with a sense of detachment. There is a great divide that Peridot puts between herself and YD. YD is perfect; she is not. YD is the most objective; that is what she aims to be. YD is a great decider; she was there to reaffirm the logic of the former’s decisions.

It’s much the same for Holly Blue. BD decides to maintain the zoo; she is grateful for the opportunity to serve. BD is arriving; she wants to assure a pleasant visit for her.

In both these cases the gems don’t feel like they’re coerced into serving their Diamonds. They openly acknowledge that because their Diamonds are superior in different (and at times all) aspects, they’re worth following. It’s very similar to idolising someone and hoping they’d mentor you, or even that you could contribute to their cause in some way. This cause being the betterment of Homeworld. 

2. PD’s close relationship with her gems

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