the power of creation

anonymous asked:

But consider the middle earth version of chuck tingle

I’m not saying the Chuck Tingle of Middle Earth is Bilbo Baggins but- no wait that’s exactly what I’m saying. Classics drawn from the Imladris library include:

I’m Gay For My Living Sentient Gemstones

Pounded in the Rump by Mine Own Rump

Pounded in the Rump by Mine Epic Poem “Pounded in the Rump by Mine Own Rump”

Morgoth’s Doom Stalks My Gay Butthole

Pounded in the Rump by My Irrational Bigoted Fear of a Man of the Edain Marrying My Daughter

Corsairs of Umbar Haunt My Balls

Living Inside My Own Butt for Eight Hundred Years, Founding a Kingdom and Defying Morgoth Through Isolationism and Advice from Handsome Water

Pounded by My Handsome Ghost Boats (Did not edit this one)

Slammed in the Butt by Annatar’s Attempt to Avoid Accusations of Plagiarism by Murdering Everyone Involved in the Creation of the Rings of Power

First Steward of Gondor Pounded by the Handsome Living White City

Shared by the Consequences of My Ill-Advised Blood Oath

Fleshewn

Macabre creations from the bones and flesh of once-living creatures, fleshewn straddle the line between constructs and undead in the same manner as flesh golems and raise many of the same ethical questions about the treatment of the dead.  Much more flexible in their power than golems, carrying over more of the nature of the being they’re made from, fleshewn might be seen as a higher art because of the skill and power necessary to imbue them with life. Their creation might raise the question of animated objects among construct makers, which have similar purposes in the end but are less gruesome.  It takes a special sort to want a throne made from a troll, for instance, although not all fleshewn are quite so gory and unusual.  Have an idea what you want to create and make sure that the creation either makes sense in its cultural context or that the owner has such taste – or the ruthless pragmatism – to not mind such a thing in their lair or home.

Known for his decadence, the Bey of Tamarik has a number of unusual items of questionable origin.  Possibly the most shocking is the throne in his study, a chair raised of unnaturally large bones with some bestial hide stretched across it, sometimes even knitting together minor gouges or tatters that might occur.  Made from the bones and skin of a troll, the throne has even more unnatural acts, erupting into violence whenever anyone threatens the Bey, as one would-be assassin learned the hard way.

Made from the bones and armored plates of a gargantuan ankylosaur, a massive walking shelter named the Stonehide Walker is the great prize of the Ziza, a nomadic tribe on the steppe margins of the Great Desert. They often find themselves forced to take shelter against the worst sandstorms, billowing sand driven by frightful gusts of wind.  On the orders of the hereditary chieftain (typically female), the Stonehide Walker drops its tail, anchoring the massive structure, and many other yurts often shelter in the shadow of the Walker to reduce the wind and sand blown into them.

Created as an experiment by the golem crafter William Grisbane, the most often used term for the desk he displayed was “macabre”, made of peluda bones with scales fastened to it by cold iron nails. Despite the seemingly shaky façade, its sturdiness was impressive, but things only descended on the third day of the exhibition as the creation lurched to a sinister life without any command from its master.  Driven into a berserk rage by the tortured spirit of the dragon trapped within a banal writing desk, the desk lashes out, driving spines dripping with spiritual poison into anyone nearby.

- Tome of Horrors 4 266-267

8

In the beginning, there was only ocean. Until the Mother Island emerged: Te Fiti. Her heart held the greatest power ever known. It could create life itself and Te Fiti shared it with the world. But in time, some began to seek Te Fiti’s heart. They believed if they could possess it, the great power of creation would be theirs.

Monster Factory creations ranked by power

Rank: D

While very weak and lacking any good combat skills, Squirtle has great speed, accuracy, and potential to become stronger which prevents him from being an F

Rank: A

A cyborg cat mimicking the popular orange cartoon cat with extreme acrobatic, fighting capability, control over the internet, and no known weakness (besides Mondays), however he is far more focused on lasagna jpegs than actually fighting

Rank: C

Completely average in any way, the only advantage any of them have is in social situations and hierarchy (Special agent and a business man)

Rank: A

Similar to G.A.R.F.I.E.L.D. D-Bomb sports extreme physical strength, extreme agility, and is unkillable, however unlike G.A.R.F.I.E.L.D. D-Bomb is a remorseless kill far more focused on destruction and chaos than lasagna

Rank: B

An extraordinary wrestler created as a clone of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, while a mutated monster of the original he is far more powerful than the original

Rank: S

Possessed by an eldritch god, Truck has mutated far beyond what he once was, continuing to spread, an unstoppable being

Rank: C

A combination of Angela Lansbury and dinosaur DNA allows Dino-Lansbury to reign at C rank, while the average old person lies within the D rank, other than her hybrid body there is nothing extraordinary about her besides that her body is able to produce jam by eating fruit

Rank: D

Other than his shape shifting powers and sturdy body, the Boy-Mayor is very weak as he lives the mayor life, using his words over his fists, however due to his position as the mayor of Second Life, one should not confront him for various reasons

Rank: C

The strongest C rank on the list, while very acrobatic and powerful, his lack of using guns is what holds him back, however he shows much potential to continue without guns, he does have great influence over others as he was able to fully ban guns securing his spot as the strongest C rank

Rank: A

With extreme physical strength, extreme agility, knowledge of all existing spells, and the ability to clone himself and others, Chiquita Dave is the only creature able to fight with G.A.R.F.I.E.L.D. and D-Bomb with both strength and numbers

Rank: S

An indestructible god capable of altering reality around her to the point of affecting other worlds, the strongest monster of them all, far more powerful than Truck, G.A.R.F.I.E.L.D., D-Bomb, and Chiquita Dave

Rank: F

It’s just Bart Simpson, anyone can beat Bart in a fight

Rank : B

Alone Randy is still a B and PanPan would be a simple D due to his weak body, however together they make and amazing team with Randy Johnson’s throwing capabilities and PanPan’s small body and pointed head, together they make a solid B rank

Rank: D

A small weak creature heavily affected by vaping, severely limiting her abilities

Rank: ?

Due to his limited screen time it is unknown how powerful he truly is, it is estimated he would be within the range of a high C to a mid B

Rank: B

A fairly strong beings, able to wield magic and the Steve Harvey Shield, the #Noid his a mid or even a high B rank, while able to collect Final Pam souls, this does not affect his rank

Rank: B

Almost as powerful as Dwayne “The Pebble” Johson, what Jorstin lacks in head durability he makes up for in rudeness and Honky Tonk mans

Rank: C

A weak C rank, low skill level at everything he tries, the very few fights he can win are against weaker opponents or by the skin of his teeth, good at shouting

Rank: C

Only remarkable things about Totino’s is his connection to the Boy-Mayor of Second Life and the ability to summon pizzas of varying sizes

Rank: B

A somewhat skilled Sly Cooper cosplaying warrior, proficient with a pole and at kicking people

Rank: D

Although he looks powerful, he is terrible at the king’s game: jolf

Rank: B

A very physically strong crime stopper that will stop at nothing to eat crime in the most nonviolent way possible, such as sending criminals to Dairy Queen

Rank: B

The successor to dogs, Jaa’m is superior to them in every way

Rank: B

Having the power of all of the Shrek movies combines, Shreck is a powerful creature on par with Jaa’m

Rank: B

An off shoot of the Shreck species, however they have not evolved to be a strong as the current Shreck line

Rank: B

A second subspecies of the Shreck line, usually found around Shrecks

Rank: A

Being the daughter of the legendary Final Pam and Parappa the Rapper Turbo Vicki is an extraordinary being, master at all sports and an unstoppable creature, even death can not stop her as she will reincarnate as her daughter

Rank: F

Dick Cheney is a weak old man who is terrible at sports

10

Powerful infatuations can be induced by the skillful potioneer, but never yet has anyone managed to create the truly unbreakable, eternal, unconditional attachment that alone can be called Love.

Have faith. Believe. Know with certainty. When you pick up a glass of water to drink from it, you know without a shred of doubt that you will not fail to pick it up and drink. The thought does not even occur to you that you may not be able to drink the water. You do it with certainty. That is the level of faith, belief and certainty you should have in yourself, the laws of the universe, and the capabilities of The Source to work perfectly all the time.
—  David Cameron, A Happy Pocket