the poetry of thought

It’s so hard to understand what traveling does to your brain unless you’ve done it. It’s like a drug that completely opens your mind. You become addicted to the feeling of change and leaving your comfort zone. You learn so many new things about yourself and most importantly you become so aware of the beautiful and breathtaking world around you.
reality

my body fakes a smile so everyone thinks i’m fine
i’ll even laugh once in a while too
but even with this fake façade and persona that i play
i’m not getting better and im not okay

i cry at night because i’m too deep in my thoughts
and i’m a hypocrite for telling people that they shouldn’t cry
i’m so bent on helping others that i can’t help myself
my mental state is broken and my world is shattering in front of me

and to those i talk to and hang out with
i’m sorry i’m not fun
i’m normally just thinking of the worse that’s yet to come
or what tonight’s miserable thought will be

i haven’t been happy in months and i don’t know what it’s like
being genuinely okay doesn’t seem right
and even if something good happens i’m too sad to care
i may talk about it like i’m happy but i’m actually just scared

i’m an antisocial mess with a extrovert life
talking to everyone that knows me
and making them perceive i’m alright
and when i make a joke about how sad i am
that’s me saying what’s wrong and i hope you listen

I don’t think we’ll ever be anything more than strangers. The way you hurt me, I guess we were never meant to be. You don’t hurt the person you love the way you hurt me.
— 

How I wish it could all be different

// a.s

It’s 1am and instead of sleeping softly my thoughts have me sitting up in bed with hot tears continuously pouring down my cheeks and burning my eyes. I feel this overwhelming pressure buried deep within my chest because i’m trying so hard to not let out any cries.
—  things hit harder at night
I hate the way just one smile of you can take my breath away
—  10 things I hate about you #5
Water. The floating body in a state of semi-levitation. Lungs expand in deep breaths of salty air. This is where I find you.
   
Water. Parched lips licked by wetted tongue. Coolness lingers in the back of throat. From esophagus to stomach, a wholesome sensation. Invigorating water. This is where I find you.
   
Floral scented shampoo; soap, essence of passion fruit, seeping down feminine pulchritude, taking with it worries of the day. Wet hair. Closed eyes and a smile; face raised up towards gushing streams of water. Rejuvenating water. This is where I find you.
   
Garden sprinkler created rainbows exist only for a moment, but the memories of jumping around them with my first dog will last a lifetime. Bare feet in the soggy grass. Muddy toes. Daddy chases me with a hose; before returning inside there is water. Rinsing water. This is where I find you.
   
Rarely in my life have I seen the whitest of beaches, even rarer have I witnessed the sight of an ocean so blue. My eyes gaze into infinity, and I ponder. Water. Infinite water. This is where I find you.
— 

Sometimes I feel like the majority of me consists of you.” 

by M.A. Tempels © 2017

I don’t remember the first time we met, or even the second. I can’t tell you what you were wearing or how the sky looked that day. But I can tell you the moment I fell in love with you and every moment since. I can tell you how the air smelled when you asked me out on our first date. I can tell you how it felt when you wrapped your arms around me during our first movie night. Every detail is ingrained in my mind just like you are ingrained in my heart. It might not have been love from the start but it’s a love bigger than life now.
i’m so tired but i can’t sleep because whenever i sleep i dream of you and i’m so tired of waking up crying.

the littlest things remind me of you, things i never expect to, and i break down in the middle of conversations with your name on my lips.

i wish you would say something - anything - to me, i’m desperate to know how you’re doing and if you’re okay, how your mom is and if your dog got any new toys.. or you could tell me to fuck off, tell me you hate me, and i would take if because this silence between us is killing me.

have you blocked my number or are you just ignoring me?

it hurts i don’t know how to make it stop hurting i can’t breathe i wanna die everything hurts so bad please help me if hurts

i just want to come home.

please let me come home.
—  texts i’ll never send
(cc, 2017)
Cry.
And cry hard.
Wipe your eyes
On the sleeves of scratchy sweaters
Clean your nose
Pressed well into your pillowcase.
Rub your skin raw
Bruise your face red
Until the air stings your soul.
Even without layers
You are still alive.
—  D.K.
i look at my eyes and they are filled with you. i look at my hands and they miss the softness of your skin. when did my heart went so weak? the more i try to catch the time the more it goes away. the rain still falls for your attention. my tears still fall for the way you left things between us. what kind of love is this? the silence breaks the promises. we break the hearts. we love into pieces. i look at your eyes and they are empty with the memory of us. i look at your hands and they don’t fit in mines anymore. nothing will be the same anymore.
—  k.m