the poetry of thought

But then there’s a time when you are not waiting for an answer. You’re not waiting for any reaction from that someone you’re trying to talk with. All you ever wanted was to say everything that you feel. To burst out that single bubble you’re keeping from a very long time. To release all the weight that’s resting on your mind—those heavy things hiding on the curves of your heart. There’s a time that you wanted someone to listen. You wanted them to open their ears to you while you tell them about all the stories that’s stopping you from moving your feet forward. You just wanted to tell everything—all of it. Because sometimes you get tired of giving your time to someone, that you wanted to rest for a while. Sometimes all you wanted was someone—even if it will only lasts for a few minutes. Someone who will sit beside you and will genuinely listen to each and every word that you’re going to say. Someone who will give their time not to judge you, but to choose silence because they know that you also needed it, too.
—  ma.c.a // You need to talk, Even just for a while
I wish I could read a book on what it would take to get you to fall in love. And I wish I could download an app that told me when you were happy or mad or jealous or confused. And I wish I could look up at the stars and they’d tell me what to say to you and when to say it. Because you’re a little too complicated for someone who likes things simple and I know you think I’m good at solving puzzles but I need something- just one thing- to be a little bit easier right now.
Every time I meet someone new I always look for you in them. But you’re never there. You left and never came back in any shape or form.
—  I miss you so much, please come back // a.s
Here, this is my heart. I’ve spent quite a lot of time putting it back together. I’m sorry about the cracks. Some people weren’t that gentle with it. Sometimes I wasn’t gentle either, but I’m getting better at it every day. I don’t really like having these protective walls up, but my past wasn’t great. I’ve knocked them down just to build them back up stronger than before every time. That’s become exhausting, but you’ll be different from the rest, won’t you? You won’t take this love for granted, you’ll cherish it, right? Right?
—  NaPoWriMo Day 22 - Trust // Maxwell Diawuoh
I wish
words spilled
out of my mouth
as easily as they do
onto paper
maybe then
I would not feel
as if I’m choking
on all the words
lodged in my throat
maybe then
my tongue would not
be so heavy
from carrying around
the weight of
a million things
—  oscarsins
I don’t know why I let myself believe we would be in each other’s lives forever… in retrospect it was such a childish notion. I don’t know how I ever thought it would work… I just did. I simply believed that somehow everything would work itself out and we’d be in each other’s lives forever. I suppose it was because you were such a unique and irreplaceable person. I knew I would never stop loving you and would certainly never want you out of my life, and being the person that I am I couldn’t imagine ever hurting you or doing anything to make you want to leave. In my mind it seemed reasonable to think something so amazing could last indefinitely… so I let myself hope… I allowed myself to dream. I gave myself permission to believe in something that felt certain but in reality could never have worked and was doomed to fail from the start. So when the reality of the situation finally tripped me up and I fell down, I had only myself to blame because I should have known better. Life is not a fairy tale with happily ever after’s. And as simple as love can be – and it really was so easy with you – life is what’s complicated, and I think perhaps it was more convenient to forget that for a while. To pretend things could have been different… that this was that one special time when all my bad luck would finally balance out and everything would go right for me. I made a decision with my heart, and the heart loves to ignore facts it doesn’t want to acknowledge because they ruin the dream. And the sad fact is that the dream is now gone and I have no one to blame for this emptiness but myself.
people say you’re lucky to be in love with your best friend, but I think you’re luckier to love yourself.
—  musings from a book I’ll never write
I wish I could get rid of these feelings. You were toxic, yet I still remember you fondly. A part of me wants you back, and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of nostalgia making me think your poison was medicine. I just can’t seem to let you go. I wish I never held on in the first place.
—  Maxwell Diawuoh, Request: a girl who can’t let go of the boy she loved, even though he wasn’t good for her
I feel a burning inside
On the point of breaking
Making me insane
I can’t get out
I’m trapped in my head
My body is aching
My heart is beating
I am not living
—  t.m.

You didn’t tell me goodbye. You didn’t say anything actually. You just kind of left and then you were with her.“ I whispered trying so hard to not cry.

"I know, but I didn’t know what to say. I know how bad I hurt you and I couldn’t stand to see you so hurt. I’m sorry.”

I shook my head. “So because of you didn’t wanna feel guilty, you decided to break my heart? Who would’ve thought someone could be so selfish?”

I’ve turned into a silhouette of who I used to be.
My skin wearing thin, stained with bruises
I’m latching on to every bit of hue turning dry on rough white canvass walls I built to keep everyone out, but ended up trapping myself in.
The colours have seeped under my skin,
I’m spilled across myself like blood on snow.
Cyanide drips from my lips
And I run my tongue along them,
Tasting the bittersweet poison under my teeth
Killing myself slowly with the words I don’t speak.
—  Tamarind Fall
NaPoWriMo day 23.