the photo is hot

Riverdale Photo Crackcap 101

Subtitled: In Which You’ll Hold Your Nose Through This Shitty Pilot, Cause it WILL Get Waaaayyyyy Better, SOON (cuz needz moar Juggie)

Ooohhhh look at us!! Aren’t we the goofiest?? BTW, anyone else notice Cole’s already doin’ his hand thing on Lili?? Cause I did…..DW, Bughead/sPRouseHart soon y’all (as an FYI, I started these with 105, when I realized I loved the show after 104. Since it’s gonna be rebroadcast live over the summer, I thought I’d catch up)

Okay, Vermin…..time to fool everyone into thinking I’m not a Lady MacBeth-style Mob Wife and you’re not shallow, self-involved or a dick. And that either or both of us can act…now remember, no friendships with Poors and we need to get our claws into some shitty little construction company for some reason….

But Douchie….ILY. Even though you’re a selfish ass with whom I have literally nothing in common and my IQ is, literally, double yours….and there’s a way hotter, smarter, funnier, better in bed, more considerate of my feelings dude probably in the booth right behind us, who loves Pop’s even more than you do…

Here I am, pretentiously arrayed in a cape, ready to snake your Gingervitus and gaslight you to solidify my power base as your “friend”. Shall I prattle about my dad or my Montblanc pen?? Would anyone care for a Starbucks @ficmuse

“We’re soarin’, we’re flyin’….” It’s so great that I’m now something that completely doesn’t fit my personality, I’m not really any good at and will be bullied mercilessly by Cheryl…..thanks, Vermin!!! If only there were some dude who enjoyed writing and murder mysteries/sleuthing in this town…and was a hot nerd….

Have you met me? My bro’s dead and I’m evvvilll….but also pretty freakin’ hot

I’m her “BFF” she never talks to or remembers as she whines about how hated she is. I sing!!!

Don’t you fucking even think about touching that exposed skin, fuckboi or I will have Cole’s Caterpillar work booted foot on your throat, soooo fast. Just remember, Lili, soon you’ll paid to make our wit your man…just get through this…

Yeahhhh…..MEEEEE…..I’m supposed to be “the dumpy friend”. IKR??? Could I be any hotter?? I grew up hella awesome, amirite?? DW, my dudes, you’ll be lovin’ everything sopponnnn. So, whaddya guys think of my babe? Smokin’, right? Yeaahhhh….you have nooooo idea..