the persian phantom of the opera

  • Erik: shouting in persian
  • Nadir: shouting back in persian
  • Nadir: switches to french
  • Erik: shouts in french
  • Erik: switches to russian
  • Nadir: shouts in russian
  • Erik: keeps shouting in russian
  • Nadir: pauses and asks him what he just said in french
  • Erik: tries to explain in persian
  • Nadir: says he doesn't understand in russian
  • Erik: slaps forehead, accidentally switches to italian, calls him a booby
  • Nadir: Huh?
  • Erik: swears loudly in another 50 languages
  • Erik: calls him a booby again
  • Erik: leaves conversation
  • What she says: I'm fine.
  • What she means: I am shocked, astounded, and disappointed when confronted with the incessant lack of the Persian in adaptations of Gaston Leroux's The Phantom of the Opera. The daroga was one of the novel's most important and prominent characters, even narrating several chapters and without whom the story could not function. He provides backstory for Erik and is one of the few positive influences in the lonely man's life. Despite this, he is almost never in any adaptation of the famous book, though a similar character appears in the 1925 silent film. I remain dumbfounded as to why he is never present or simply has his role given to another character.
My ideal phantom of the opera cast

Christine: Sarah Palin
Erik: Michael Cera
Raoul: Kanye West
Meg: Betty white
Madame Giry: The rock
The Persian: Danny DeVito
Carlotta: Hulk Hogan