So I was thinking today of why I relate so hard to that one
scene in family, when Tara is trying to joke around with the rest of the gang
and she makes a joke that no one gets and then leaves feeling dumb and embarrassed.
Because that scene is so well put
together, in all the little details.
First of all, the start of it. She’s watching them interact with each other. They make
sure to show Tara’s reactions to them joking around with each other and you can
see she thinks it’s sweet. There is genuine warmth in her expression as she
watches them and you can see how fond she’s grown of this little group. When
she tries to join in though, it all blows up in her face (or at least she feels
it does, they don’t really see it that way. They still like her, even if they
really don’t get her).
And that is SUCH a familiar feeling. To be watching that human
interaction and feeling a strong fondness for people and their bonds with each
other but not… quite… being able to reach it yourself. And the moment when you
realize you can’t, it’s awful. It might seem like one little thing to someone
watching from the outside but it doesn’t feel little at all. Which I think for
me is why the ending of this episode, (along with what it represents for the
actual metaphor of the episode) gets to me so much.
It gets to me because it’s then that Tara realizes she does belong with these people. That they
want her, consider her family even if they don’t get her all the time. It doesn’t
matter, she’s a part of that thing she was watching at the start of the episode
and you can see all over her face how much that means to her and it is just so
beautiful and wonderfully done and I’m emotional.