the perfect story

So I was thinking today of why I relate so hard to that one scene in family, when Tara is trying to joke around with the rest of the gang and she makes a joke that no one gets and then leaves feeling dumb and embarrassed. Because that scene is so well put together, in all the little details.

First of all, the start of it. She’s watching them interact with each other. They make sure to show Tara’s reactions to them joking around with each other and you can see she thinks it’s sweet. There is genuine warmth in her expression as she watches them and you can see how fond she’s grown of this little group. When she tries to join in though, it all blows up in her face (or at least she feels it does, they don’t really see it that way. They still like her, even if they really don’t get her).

And that is SUCH a familiar feeling. To be watching that human interaction and feeling a strong fondness for people and their bonds with each other but not… quite… being able to reach it yourself. And the moment when you realize you can’t, it’s awful. It might seem like one little thing to someone watching from the outside but it doesn’t feel little at all. Which I think for me is why the ending of this episode, (along with what it represents for the actual metaphor of the episode) gets to me so much.

It gets to me because it’s then that Tara realizes she does belong with these people. That they want her, consider her family even if they don’t get her all the time. It doesn’t matter, she’s a part of that thing she was watching at the start of the episode and you can see all over her face how much that means to her and it is just so beautiful and wonderfully done and I’m emotional.

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
Even though I’m bad for you, I really hope you see the good in me.
—  Tenari Ioapo