the peer group

anonymous asked:

does tony think of peter as a son?

probably not consciously. he treats him kind of like a son sometimes, but that’s not very unusual for tony. tony has to be watched closely or he adopts stray genius children everywhere he goes.

 mostly it’s pretty long distance–he emails and videocalls them, sets up scholarships, funds research, talks them through school problems, introduces them to employers… i know for a fact that at least half of the starkphone beta testers are sleep-deprived students across the country who tony has run into at some convention or facility tour and decided to keep. some of them come to work at Stark Industries eventually, but a fair number go into other fields.

he has a strange ability to pinpoint exactly which kid in any given cluster is an untapped well of talent looking for mentoring. we have a number of bets running on if he’s doing it consciously or not. 

either way, he does it a lot.

he’s not very cuddly or touchy-feely with them, and he gets hilariously defensive if you poke him about it, but he’s actually a really good mentor, and he does really care. i mean, sometimes he uses the ‘do the exact opposite of what i would do’ method of role modelling, but…

Oh, you had me living a lie for a year? Maybe I'll just go ahead and dismantle every aspect of your life.

Well I was had! I been took! I been hoodwinked! Bamboozled! Led astray! Run amok!

This is a trailer trash roller coaster. All aboard!

The Lies

I thought I was in a slightly tumultuous but overall fun relationship for a year. I had gotten out of a 12 year relationship when I met Fuckboi, he was so charming and handsome I thought I won the lottery! He was super pushy about saying “I love you” first and defining our relationship. He introduced me to his family. His niece started calling me Auntie. He tells me about his 3 children and their mothers and lies about how the mother of his oldest hates him and is keeping him away from the kid.

But then things started getting weird. His “ex” started calling all the fucking time, multiple times a day. They had children together, but the grandmother had custody the lie I was told to make it seem normal was that both of them had jobs where they traveled a lot, so they signed legal guardianship over to the g-ma to make schooling & emergency issue easier. Then she moved down to the city we were loving in for “work training”. Then she was moving down permanently without the kids. When I asked why the kids weren’t coming, the lie I was told they need to stay in the same school Um, they are 6 and 4 I’d say staying with parents is more important at that age than their peer group. It was weird, but I’m the cool girlfriend and it wasn’t my place to tell them where their daughters should live.

His “work” was in the cannabis industry, kind of. He worked with the “ex” brother in law going to legal states, buying pounds at a time and trafficking it via USPS. So, when he tells me he’s going to Oregon I think nothing of it.

After a week in Oregon, a lot of stories aren’t adding up, like his phone is always dead even though he carries a power bank with him. THEN one of his “friends” starts posting cuddled up selfies with him. I quickly put 2 and 2 together and dump him for cheating on me with this chick in Oregon.

The Truth

After I dumped him I made a messy facebook post on his wall, which the mother of his oldest child sees and she contacts me and lays out the truth!

He never contacts his oldest daughter, even though he has her cellphone. No one is keeping him from her.

  • He owes $20k in back child support for her, as he has never once made a payment and he moves around a lot & works under the table, so the mother was never able to collect garnishments or anything.
  • He has a huge criminal record starting with rape he committed at age 15, and then a lifetime of fraud, larceny and drug charges I knew nothing about!
  • His “ex” who moved to our city was his girlfriend of 9 years who was very much still in a relationship with him
  • They willingly gave up the 2 children because they preferred to use drugs; him - heroin, her - pills
  • There is a FOURTH child!?!?!?! He and the mother conspired to pin the paternity on another poor sap and it’s been 17 years now that this other man has been paying for a kid that is not his
  • I was his side chick
  • His family knew and played along in the lie and included their 10 and 16 year old children in the lie!
  • His chick in Oregon is actually his starcrossed lover from childhood! And every time they would try to be together one or the other would end up in jail!
  • The Oregon chick ALSO has a criminal record highlights include criminally negligent homicide from a DUI where she killed her passenger, fraud, larceny, drug charges

This shocked me, so I paid for a criminal background check which is how I learned of their records.

The Revenge

I PROFUSELY thanked the ex for telling me the truth about the situation. I mulled on it for a bit trying to convince myself to simply consider myself lucky and just walk away with my dignity intact. But then he’d be winning and I knew I had everything in my power to come down on him like Thor’s hammer.

  • I gave the ex ALL of his info - SSN, State ID#s, current and past known addresses. With this she contacted her state’s Child Support Services.
  • He now will have his Drivers license revoked and can’t get one no matter the state he moves to until he is current with his past payments.
  • If he ever gets a real job 25% of his wages will be garnished
  • He now has a warrant for his arrest in the state his oldest kid lives.
  • He’s trying to play house with his new GF and contacted the mother of his oldest to arrange a meeting with his kid and his gf’s child. The mother is “playing nice” and pretending it’s a-go and he is planing a trip to visit the daughter. He will not see her, at the “meeting” he will be seeing the police and they will arrest him for failure to pay, and he won’t get out of jail until he pays a sizable chunk of the $20,000 past-due PLUS bail!
  • I gave the ex his info THE DAY BEFORE his federal tax refund was set to go out, She was fast enough at getting his info to CSS that they INTERCEPTED his full tax refund and now he has for the first time paid for something for his child.
  • His past due child support is also going on his credit report
  • I know the name of the business his ex brother in law owns and uses to launder his drug trafficking money, I dropped a dime to the IRS. So, he’s losing his only steady income soon and can’t get a job a Walmart due to his criminal record, and if he DOES manage to find someone that hires without criminal background checks he will lose ¼ of his paycheck.
  • I told this story to two of my “hacker” friends and they got into contact with hackers more talented than themselves and are now going to “take care of” a few more things for me, like finding the guy who was conned into paying for a kid that’s not his.
LILITH IN THE HOUSES

1st House, Adrenaline Junkie:
big temper, violent father figure, experiences with violent men in general, parental betrayal, isolation, sexually licentious and immodest, esteem issues, subjects herself to unspeakable disrespect and degradation, violent death

2nd House, Sugarbaby:
fad diets, eating disorders, remarkable sense of taste, some fit the definition of functioning psychopath, often slandered, “come-back kid”, feral “earthy” sex, crimes involving money, success in business

3rd house *Exalted, The Other Woman:
deception, unwed mothers, miscarriage, abortion, death of child, loss of child custody, obsession, an “Eve” wife who knows about a “Lilith” mistress (or vice versa), talented writer/speaker, “shape-shifting”, problems (or abuse) involving siblings, extreme loyalty to siblings, “Lilith” sibling(s), dark humor, extremely clever

4th house *Detriment, Immaculate Misconception:
cold childhood, abandoned by a parent (due to deployment, divorce, or death), “black sheep”, “rags-to-riches” (somewhat uncommon), mixed ethnicity, bilingual, early awareness of difference, frequent problems with obsession, childhood abuse (usually sexual), talent in acting (manipulation), paranormal disturbances (could be demonic), “cursed” lineage, “Lilith” offspring

5th house, Lotto Winner:
“Lilith” offspring, trust issues, paranoia, gambling, incredible luck bestowed at least once, talent with writing, “Lilith” physical appearance ( very dark or red hair, lithe body), children outsmart them

6th house, Ms. President:
rejected by their teachers, exposure to dangerous activities in childhood (or during development of their own Lilith-like qualities), little patience for the mindless routine jobs, switches jobs quickly​, problems with hygiene/health (sometimes), self-preservation, authority

7th house, Mary Magdalene:
may be viewed as a slut even if she is not sexually promiscuous, either the person becomes “Lilith” or looks for someone (often a spouse) to be “Lilith” for them, refusal to share resources with others, wants others to “see the light”, preoccupied with relationships, strong-willed spouse

8th house, Persephone:
intensely intimate, unsettling, may exploit others sexually, may have been threatened as an infant, childhood abuse, power struggle, objectified from a young age, keeper of secrets, attracted to dark people, occult interest, occult gifts, intuition, “Lilith” soulmate

9th house, Bride of Dionysus:
wants to transcend all limits, needs to be revolutionary in ideas, drops out of higher educations because they are bored, switches schools, encounters Lilith-types on long-distance travel, do not remarry, unorthodox philosophy

10th house, The CEO:
miscarriage, envious, power hungry, could be a talented dancer, manipulation of others through the career, ladyboss, Patroness of Illegitimate Children, cold mothers, demise of “Eve”, home-wrecker, perfectionist, shrewd

11th house, Rebel Rebel:
odd sexual fantasies, not accepted by peer groups, greater maturity, “restlessness” with regard to children, marriage to a “friend” or a “friend with benefits” which causes problems, “Lilith” best friend, hatred/suspicion when it comes to trends, groups, and government, vigilant protester

12th house, Mardi Gras Queen:
post-natal depression/psychosis, nightmares, sleeping problems, paranormal disturbances, shadow people, face of “Eve”.. mind of “Lilith”, “Lilith” nature is not recognized by others, hold their friends close and their enemies closer, leader, popularity, lover of costumes and masks, serves others

American Pie and But I'm A Cheerleader were both released in 1999.

American Pie features:

  1. A pact between four straight high school boys to have sex by any means necessary.
  2. A male character masturbating into a pie.
  3. A humorous depiction of filming a high school aged girl in a sexual situation without her knowledge or consent, and broadcasting that to the entirety of her peer group and presumably the world. This tragically results in her humiliation and deportation, which means that the male character who filmed her will not be able to have sex with her in time to fulfill the pact (which is why it is tragic). (In a subsequent installment of the American Pie series, the girl returns and is not only not angry, but still amenable to a sexual relationship with said boy.)

But I’m A Cheerleader features:

  1. A satirical depiction of a traumatic and harmful practice known as ‘reparative therapy,’ colloquially 'degayification,’ with special attention paid to the fact that it doesn’t really work.
  2. One sex scene between female characters, not fully nude, shot mostly using close ups on the actress’ faces. Everyone is consenting, and no one has lied in order to receive consent.
  3. One female character suggested to be masturbating, not shown.


The MPAA gave American Pie an R rating, without hassle.


But I’m A Cheerleader initially received an NC-17 rating. This rating was only lowered to R (thus opening the film up to distribution) when the director agreed to cut a scene featuring the lead female character masturbating. Through her clothes. While thinking about a person, and not a pie.

Ok but imaginary friends (ways humans are weird)

Humans pack bond. We just do. Aliens learn quickly that spending any significant amount of time not being actively antagonistic to a human, they will bond with you.
They bond with other humans. While humans do not necessarily bond with everyone it’s pretty easy to become low-key with others for most people. More serious bonds take more time.
Humans bond with animals capable of bonding with the human. They bring both predator and prey (hopefully not together) into their homes and make them part of the family.
Humans do the same with animals that can’t bond because their brains aren’t wired for it. We don’t care. We love them anyway.
Humans bond with inanimate objects. It’s actively encourage for child to build social skills by practicing on toys. Adults even do it
They name cars, computers, phones, and other things.
All these can be explained and understood relatively easily.
But imaginary friends…the aliens don’t get it. Humans pack bond with things that DO NOT EXIST
they have bonds sometimes closer than those to any of their peer group. Child play with these nonexistent things actively and we don’t find it weird. Adults put out extra place settings at the table for their childrens imaginary friends. They chose a different seat if a child tells them that a clearly empty chair is their imaginary friend’s chair.

Tips for Surviving College (With a Mental Illness)

Don’t compare yourself to other students. Just don’t do it. Because of your mental health, there will always be things that are more difficult for you than other students. Waking up early, keeping track of assignments, staying focused and motivated, socializing outside of class, joining clubs. All of these are things that can be harder for students with mental illness. It’s important to just pay attention to yourself and make sure you’re meeting the goals you set for yourself.

Walk as much as you can. Go for short walks around campus, walk to class instead of taking the bus or driving, walk around the library in between studying. Just get up and walk. It’s important to get in exercise where you can and walking is a great way to boost endorphins.

Know the attendance policy for each of your classes. Within the first week of class try to figure out how each professor takes attendance. Is it at the beginning of class, end of class? Is there a seating chart (seriously) or is it just writing in your name? Is there a daily quiz? Perfect attendance isn’t always attainable so it’s important to know not only how many days you can miss or be late, but how you can get around that. If you’re just having a bad mental health day it’s good to know when you can get a friend to sign you in so you don’t lose attendance points.

Have a “backup buddy” in each of your classes. On the first day of class or at least before the first test, make sure you get the phone number and email of two classmates. Not only is it good to meet new people, these are the people who will be your lifeline. Did you miss class or just completely zone out and need the notes? Do you need someone to sign you in? Did you abandon your bullet journal and forget all of the due dates? It’s crucial that you have TWO people you can reach (in case one or the other can’t help you) when you have a question you can’t ask your professor.

Know your professors!!! Introduce yourself first day of class (so it can be short and sweet) or go during office hours (so there aren’t a lot of people). Professors are a lot more willing to help you out if you’ve at least tried to establish a relationship with them. You’ll be closer with some more than others but if you ever have to send out a panicked email it’s important your professor can put a face to the name. If you ever have an emergency and need an extension it’s a lot more likely to get one this way. Bonus: also get to know your TA or GA if they’re the ones grading your assignments.

Take your medicine, see your therapist/psychiatrist. College is too stressful to go without the medical treatment that you need. If you can’t afford treatment, most universities have counseling clinics where you can get free or cheap treatment from grad students. Many university health centers also have psychiatrists you can see cheaply. At my university I see a grad student LPC for free and get to see a psychiatrist for $10 an appointment. Your therapist can also write letters in case your professor or school needs proof of treatment or anything like that.

Register with your school’s disability services. I’ve met a lot of students with depression or anxiety who had no idea that disability could apply to them. Mental illness is a disability! Registering with Disability is invaluable. You can get access to tutoring, support groups, peer mentors, and most importantly: accommodations. If you get really bad test anxiety you can arrange to take your test privately either proctored by someone in disability services or in your professor’s office. Extensions can sometimes be made for assignments in case you have an emergency like a panic attack or other life disrupting episode. 

Whether you need accommodation or not, I strongly urge you to register with disability in case something happens. If you need to drop your classes or were unable to and end up failing because of your health, being registered with disability can mean your bad semester can be “forgiven,” essentially meaning you can go on medical leave.

Have a family member or friend for a support system. Outside of your therapist or DS, have someone who you can vent to. Have someone to buy you ice cream and tell you everything is going to be okay. Have someone who can tell you you’re beautiful and perfect the way you are, whether that’s your mom or even someone on tumblr. There are people all around who care about you.

Know that you are wonderful and brave and have already accomplished so much just by getting into college. About 1 in 4 adults have a mental illness: you are not alone. Even if it might feel like you’re the only one having a hard time, there are hundreds of students all around you going through the same thing. 

A former “Not Like Other Girls” person’s perspective.

I know the cool thing to do is to shit on people who say things like “I’m not like other girls, but you have to remember that usually, “I’m not like other girls” starts with other girls saying “You’re not like us.”

You don’t have to encourage it, but please try for some compassion. The people who say this aren’t saying it because they hate women or whatever SJ-flavored excuse the population of Tumblr is using to justify their harassment this week. 

They’re doing it because when you’ve been kicked around and bullied and abused all your life, sometimes you have to take the things people hate about you and turn them into a source of pride instead of a source of shame. 

And when you’re repeatedly ostracized and told that you’re unlovable, defective, weird, and a billion other things because your personality and your interests don’t match the dominant perspective of those around you, you have two choices:

1) you can blend in, try to be what they want, and lose a little bit of yourself in the process, or

2) you can stand up, put your hands on your hips, and say “You know what, you’re right. I’m NOTHING like you, and after the way you’ve treated me, I wouldn’t want to be.”

Of course, there are more than two choices. But for this post, please assume the mindset of a 13-17 year old person-assumed-to-be-a-girl, who has been majorly fucked over by the people who are supposed to be their peer group. They’re only going to see those two choices.

In addition– and I can’t believe I forgot to mention this until the end, honestly, because this is really a pretty common thing– “Not Like Other Girls” people are often not girls at all, and don’t have any other way of expressing that.

What I’m trying to say here is that in many cases, “not like other girls” is a REACTION to cruelty, that sometimes manifests as cruelty itself. But this reaction only gets stronger when it’s attacked. So, the logical solution is to STOP ATTACKING IT. “Not Like Other Girls” kids deserve kindness and support. They deserve to be reassured that they don’t have to be feminine or even identify as female if they don’t want to, and that you won’t ostracize them for it like everyone else has done.

5

C-PTSD is a psychological disorder caused by repetitive, prolonged trauma involving harm or abandonment from interpersonal relationships with an uneven power dynamic. 

C-PTSD is associated with,

  • Slavery.
  • Long term crisis.
  • Long term imprisonment.
  • Cult involvement.

Symptoms include,

  • Emotional disregulation.
  • Disconnection from peer group.
  • Episodes of dissociation.
  • Alternating explosive & inhibited anger.
  • Isolation and withdrawal.
  • Persistent distrust.
  • A loss of sustaining faith.
  • Disruption in intimate relationships and repeated failures of self-protection.
  • Chronic helplessness.
  • Attributing total power to the perpetrator.
  • Becoming preoccupied with the relationship to the perpetrator.
  • Including a preoccupation with revenge, idealisation & Stockholm syndrome.
  • A sense of a special relationship with the perpetrator or acceptance of the perpetrator’s belief system or rationalisations.

Situations involving captivity/entrapment (a situation lacking a viable escape route for the victim or a perception of such) can lead to prolonged feelings of worthlessness, helplessness, and deformation of one’s identity and sense of self.

Adults with C-PTSD have sometimes experienced prolonged interpersonal traumatization as children as well as prolonged trauma as adults. This can become a pervasive way of relating to others in adult life described as insecure attachment.

Individuals with Complex PTSD also demonstrate lasting personality disturbances with a significant risk of revictimization.

tl;dr: Anakin Skywalker, the most famous victim of C-PTSD the world has never known.

Broken // Jughead Jones

can you do a jughead/riverdale imagine where jughead breaks up with the reader, and the whole “squad” leaves the reader, so in despair she goes to the river to kill herself ( like what Cheryl did ) and Jughead saves her?

Warnings: Attempted Suicide, Swearing, sad jughead, blood.

Word Count: 2,625

Characters: Jughead Jones, Archie Andrews, Betty Cooper, Kevin Keller, Veronica Lodge, Cheryl Blossom.

A/N: If you ever feel like self-harming or think suicide is the answer, please, talk to me or someone. There are so many people going through this, and I’d hate for anyone to feel this way. x

— —

“I’m breaking up with you.”

Those five words had basically killed you. You knew you’d hear those words, but you didn’t expect them right now, after dating Jughead Jones for a year and three months. You hadn’t expected the words to come tumbling from his mouth. They were like bullets, each word hitting you in the heart. You had looked at the raven haired boy, who sat across from you. You were both in a booth, where you spent your time together. You had a sudden chill come over your body, the thick, khaki jacket couldn’t even keep you warm. You looked outside, the neon sign reflecting onto the window, but the thick, white snow still fell outside.

“How long?” You asked, looking back at the boy who sat in front of you. He looked emotionless, whereas you, on the other hand had tears welling up in your eyes and your hands were shaking a little bit. You bit your lip, looking around the diner. So many memories were made in this diner for you and Jughead. You had met him in this diner, along with Archie Andrews, Betty Cooper and Veronica Lodge. You had spent countless nights with him, curled up in the booth, a book in your hands as he typed away on his laptop.

“A few weeks,” Jughead said softly. He could see how broken you were right now, but he swore he didn’t feel the same. After a very intense conversation with Betty about her feelings for him, he thought he didn’t love (Y/N) anymore, but deep down, he still loved her. He was just too caught up in everything, and with Veronica pushing him to love Betty, he got confused.

You couldn’t handle seeing his face anymore. His beautiful, pale face. You looked down at your lap, hand covering your mouth as you let out a sob. ‘Don’t cry, (Y/N)…’ Jughead’s words went straight through you as you stood up, collecting your phone and book, shoving them in your bag and quickly making your way out of the diner, walking in the snow, making your way home and ending up on your bed, a sobbing mess.

-

None of them had talked to you in three weeks. They all sided with Jughead and immediately left you. Archie, Betty, Veronica, Kevin, even Cheryl had started befriending them all and she was giving you a few side eyes and glares.

You walked into the student lounge, one earphone in your ear as you listened to your Spotify playlist. You had left your book and water bottle on the table in the lounge. As you looked up from your phone, you saw a certain pair of blue eyes meet yours. Along with your ex-friends. Goose bumps appearing on your skin as you walked to the table, picking up the two objects you had to collect and shoving them in your bag, you looked over your shoulder, all six pairs of eyes on you. Your breathing had quickened, and you knew they all hated you. All because Jughead broke up with you. You could feel it in the atmosphere and see the look in their eyes. Running your fingers through your hair, you quickly left the student lounge and made your way out of the building, wanting to get home as soon as possible.

-

Another two weeks had passed and they were all still being so petty about Jughead breaking up with you and they were still taking it out on you. It had been over five weeks and they were still being so dramatic about this whole thing, but you just couldn’t handle it anymore. You closed your locker gently, looking down at your Converse clad feet and slinging your bad over your shoulder. You headed towards the doors that you walked through every morning, the ‘Core Four’ as your peers called the group that you had once been a part of, were walking straight towards you, but you were not moving out of their way. Your shoulder had grazed Jughead’s, and you looked over your shoulder, his blue eyes coming in contact with yours. He had a slight look of confusion in his features, wondering why you weren’t going the way he was going, since you both had English together. You wanted to say ‘I’m sorry’. You wanted to apologise and have him hold you, but you knew that wasn’t going to happen.

You had left the boundaries of the school, the snow falling and creating a crisp, white layer on the ground. You had taken a different route today. You weren’t going home. No. You were going somewhere that meant a lot to you, and you wanted to make sure that no one knew where to find you. The snow had gotten thicker, it reaching above your ankles at this moment, and it was getting deeper. You trudged through the snow, seeing Sweetwater River covered by a thick layer of the snow, and also a layer of ice had been hidden underneath the snow.

Your hair rested over your shoulders as you dropped your bag, letting it fall onto a log that was peeking out of the snow. You took your phone from your back pocket, staring at it for a few seconds before typing in your password and going to your messages. You clicked on Jughead’s name and started to compose a text message.

‘i don’t know why everyone hated me so much after you broke up with me. but now i understand, because i’m hating me too. i’m sorry.’

-

Jughead didn’t know why he suddenly got a text message from you, but as soon as he saw what you had written, he was on his feet, collecting his stuff and rushing out of the student lounge. So many thoughts were running through his head. Where were you? He tried calling you, but you didn’t answer, you were immediately declining his calls.

“Juggie!” Betty had called out to him, Archie, Kevin and Veronica also following the blonde, who was following the raven haired boy. “What happened? Is it your dad?” She continued, trying to catch up to him, but he was already out of the school doors and jogging down the stairs. “Jughead, please!”

Jughead turned around, his phone still clutched in his hand. “You! You’re all the goddamn problem! You wanted me to break up with her. You all egged me on to do it! Putting into my head that I’d be so much better with Betty! Well, no. I just wanted (Y/N) and now she fucking hates herself and I have no idea where she is, but she probably has one motive at this point and I think you all know what it is!” Jughead looked at his group of friends, his face was red, but he was almost crying.

-

You had managed to make it out to the middle of Sweetwater River, taking in a deep breath as the snow fell, and snowflakes had landed in your hair and on your eyelashes. It was a beautiful feeling, and you wanted it to be the last feeling you had.

Your clothes were a strong contrast against the pure white snow, and anyone could possibly see you amongst this blanket of white, but no one was around to see you disappear within the snow, so it would be like you dropped off the face of the earth.

You took a deep breath, the cold air feeling refreshing as you looked around one last time. You gripped the sharp rock that was in your hand, looking down at the snow and dropping to your knees. You pushed the snow, piling it up so you could see the ice. You raised your hands above your head, the rock still grasped in your hands. A rush of adrenaline had overcome you and you swung your hands down, hitting the rock onto the ice. A small chip had been made, but bringing the rock down onto the ice over and over again had started to show a result in what you were looking for.

“(Y/N!)” You heard a voice shout across from the shore of the river. You stood still, but looked over your shoulder. Seeing 6 people across the river, standing safely on the shore, whereas you were stood in the middle, hearing the ice creak the slightest bit made your heart beat faster. All 6 of your friends that had left you were standing there. Archie, Betty, Veronica, Kevin. Even Cheryl was stood there. But the last one, his signature denim jacket with a fleece collar and his beanie, was stood at the very edge. His eyes were wide and he was paler than usual. He was just hoping that the ice wouldn’t crack before he could talk to you.

-

“(Y/N), please! Just, come to the shore. We can talk through this. We’re so sorry!” Betty shouted, and Jughead gave her a side glance. Betty and Cheryl were standing behind Archie, and Veronica and Kevin were standing next to Archie. The boy that loved you so much watched as you turned around, fully facing the group of teenagers that had left you in a time of need. Jughead started forward, taking one step onto the ice. Slowly walking towards you, he told the others to not follow, because the weight of them all will surely pull them under.

“(Y/N). Come closer, please. We’re going to talk through this. It’s freezing and you’re going blue.” Jughead continued to walk towards you, but you stood exactly where you needed to. The ice was starting to crack a bit more, and you wished it would hurry up and pull you under the surface. “You know I love you and I care about you. I don’t want you to do this. I’m sorry that I was so pathetic. I should’ve known to stay with you. (Y/N), I love y-“

-

Betty Cooper stood there, watching the boy she had probably the slightest feelings for, confess his love to someone else. She wasn’t sure how to feel, but you loved him first, and she went out and ruined that. She felt like shit, putting it bluntly, but she would eventually get over it.

“You know I love you and I care about you. I don’t want you to do this. I’m sorry that I was so pathetic. I should’ve known to stay with you. (Y/N), I love y-“. Betty watched as Jughead’s face dropped and went pale. He stood there as his girlfriend disappeared below the surface. Archie was the first to move, bolting across the icy surface in attempt to save his best friend’s love.

“Jughead! Come on!” Veronica pushed him slightly, and Jughead realised that his girlfriend had disappeared. Archie was almost at where she had just been standing. The ginger dropped to his knees, seeing that the current had pulled her somewhere underneath the ice, which was acting like a glass floor. Jughead hand scrambled next to Archie, panting and looking at his best friend.

“Current’s pulled her under somewhere, spread out and look for her,” Archie spoke to Jughead, nodding. He watched the raven haired boy followed the way the current was going and started pushing snow from the icy floor. Archie repeated the same words he had just said to Jughead, in a louder tone. Everyone had started looking for her. Cheryl was stood at the shore, a phone to her ear. She was wearing a pair of heels, so Kevin had decided to give her is phone to call someone to get another car.

“Found her!” Veronica yelled as she pushed more snow away from the ice. Jughead looked up, his hair dishevelled and his beanie was crooked on his head. He scrambled over to where Veronica was and saw the body of his girlfriend starting to disappear deeper into the water. He looked around, in hopes to find something to break the ice with, but there was no luck. He looked at his hands, starting to beat at the ice. He groaned, his knuckles could definitely not take this type of beating, and Archie saw his best friend’s pain. Despite the words that Jughead would say to him after, he pushed him aside and started to hit the ice. So far, Archie was just cutting and breaking his knuckles, and blood was going everywhere, but he had eventually started to break the ice. His blood was mixing in with the water from the river. As soon as Archie had broken the ice, he and Jughead both reached in, grabbing onto either of your arms, pulling you onto the snowy surface.

Jughead took one look at you as he moved you away from the hole that had been created in the ice. Your skin was paler than usual, and your lips had gone blue. Your clothes stuck to your skin and you were colder than the water that was trapped under the layer of ice. “She isn’t breating,” he murmured, laying you on your back. He pumped at your chest, hoping that it would start to pump some blood into your system. Jughead shivered when he pressed his mouth against yours. It took him about three minutes to get you back, but as soon as you spluttered the water from your lungs, gasping for air, he pulled you into his chest, holding you so close to him.

Archie had given up his letterman jacket, since Jughead’s had become drenched somehow. You were in Jughead’s arms, shivering and shaken up from the events that just happened. You had realised in that very moment. As soon as your body went underneath that ice and you couldn’t pull yourself up. You actually thought you’d end up dead, and you definitely regretted putting Jughead, and everyone else through that.

-

“Juggie?” You whispered as you sat up in your bed. Everyone agreed to not mention anything, so Jughead took you home. You both got into the house just fine, since your parents were out of state for the week. He let you take a hot shower, got you changed into warm clothes (both you and him) and he let you sleep, while he took a shower, the scene of you dropping into the water playing over and over in your head.

Jughead looked at you. He hadn’t spoken much, because he didn’t know if he was going to burst out crying. He had just brought you back from basically dying, and he was still shaking up.

“I’m so sorry,” you spoke softly. Your skin was still crawling with goosebumps. Your room was probably as warm as a sauna or something. The heater was on, you had two blankets on, a pair of pyjama pants on, a hoodie and a fuzzy pair of socks, but you still felt cold. You felt so cold and heartless for attempting to do that, especially in front of Jughead.

“For what? If I hadn’t had arrived when I had, you’d probably be at the bottom of Sweetwater River right now, dead. And no one would probably know until summer, and that’s what scared me so much. I love you and I don’t want you to go anywhere right now. It’s tough for both of us, I know. And I am the worst person for pulling that on you, and being so pathetic about it.” He sat on the edge of your bed, looking at you. “Please, please. Don’t leave me,” Jughead’s voice broke as he leant forward, head resting on your shoulder. Small sobs could be heard, and your heart shattered into a million pieces. It was you that broke Jughead Jones. And you’d have to live with that for the rest of your life.

Characteristics & Traits of Borderline Personality Disorder

Alienation - The act of cutting off or interfering with an individual’s relationships with others.

“Always” and “Never” Statements - “Always” and “Never” Statements are declarations containing the words “always” or “never”. They are commonly used but rarely true.

Anger - People who suffer from personality disorders often feel a sense of unresolved anger and a heightened or exaggerated perception that they have been wronged, invalidated, neglected or abused.

Baiting - A provocative act used to solicit an angry, aggressive or emotional response from another individual.

Blaming - The practice of identifying a person or people responsible for creating a problem, rather than identifying ways of dealing with the problem.

Bullying - Any systematic action of hurting a person from a position of relative physical, social, economic or emotional strength.

Catastrophizing - The habit of automatically assuming a “worst case scenario” and inappropriately characterizing minor or moderate problems or issues as catastrophic events.

Chaos Manufacture - Unnecessarily creating or maintaining an environment of risk, destruction, confusion or mess.

Cheating - Sharing a romantic or intimate relationship with somebody when you are already committed to a monogamous relationship with someone else.

Circular Conversations - Arguments which go on almost endlessly, repeating the same patterns with no resolution.

Cognitive Dissonance - A psychological term for the discomfort that most people feel when they encounter information which contradicts their existing set of beliefs or values. People who suffer from personality disorders often experience cognitive dissonance when they are confronted with evidence that their actions have hurt others or have contradicted their stated morals.

“Control-Me” Syndrome - This describes a tendency which some people have to foster relationships with people who have a controlling narcissistic, antisocial or “acting-out” nature.

Denial - Believing or imagining that some painful or traumatic circumstance, event or memory does not exist or did not happen.

Dependency - An inappropriate and chronic reliance by an adult individual on another individual for their health, subsistence, decision making or personal and emotional well-being.

Depression - When you feel sadder than you think you should, for longer than you think you should - but still can’t seem to break out of it - that’s depression. People who suffer from personality disorders are often also diagnosed with depression resulting from mistreatment at the hands of others, low self-worth and the results of their own poor choices.

Dissociation - Dissociation is a psychological term used to describe a mental departure from reality.

Domestic Theft - Consuming or taking control of a resource or asset belonging to (or shared with) a family member, partner or spouse without first obtaining their approval.

Emotional Blackmail - A system of threats and punishments used in an attempt to control someone’s behaviors.

Engulfment - An unhealthy and overwhelming level of attention and dependency on another person, which comes from imagining or believing one exists only within the context of that relationship.

Sense of Entitlement - An unrealistic, unmerited or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others.

False Accusations - Patterns of unwarranted or exaggerated criticism directed towards someone else.

Favoritism - Favoritism is the practice of systematically giving positive, preferential treatment to one child, subordinate or associate among a family or group of peers.

Fear of Abandonment - An irrational belief that one is imminent danger of being personally rejected, discarded or replaced.

Harassment - Any sustained or chronic pattern of unwelcome behavior by one individual towards another.

High and Low-Functioning - A High-Functioning Personality-Disordered Individual is one who is able to conceal their dysfunctional behavior in certain public settings and maintain a positive public or professional profile while exposing their negative traits to family members behind closed doors. A Low-Functioning Personality-Disordered Individual is one who is unable to conceal their dysfunctional behavior from public view or maintain a positive public or professional profile.

Hoovers & Hoovering - A Hoover is a metaphor taken from the popular brand of vacuum cleaners, to describe how an abuse victim trying to assert their own rights by leaving or limiting contact in a dysfunctional relationship, gets “sucked back in” when the perpetrator temporarily exhibits improved or desirable behavior.

Hysteria - An inappropriate over-reaction to bad news or disappointments, which diverts attention away from the real problem and towards the person who is having the reaction.

Identity Disturbance - A psychological term used to describe a distorted or inconsistent self-view

Impulsiveness - The tendency to act or speak based on current feelings rather than logical reasoning.

Infantilization - Treating a child as if they are much younger than their actual age.

Invalidation - The creation or promotion of an environment which encourages an individual to believe that their thoughts, beliefs, values or physical presence are inferior, flawed, problematic or worthless.

Lack of Object Constancy - An inability to remember that people or objects are consistent, trustworthy and reliable, especially when they are out of your immediate field of vision.

Learned Helplessness - Learned helplessness is when a person begins to believe that they have no control over a situation, even when they do.

Magical Thinking - Looking for supernatural connections between external events and one’s own thoughts, words and actions.

Moments of Clarity - Spontaneous periods when a person with a Personality Disorder becomes more objective and tries to make amends.

Mood Swings - Unpredictable, rapid, dramatic emotional cycles which cannot be readily explained by changes in external circumstances.

Neglect - A passive form of abuse in which the physical or emotional needs of a dependent are disregarded or ignored by the person responsible for them.

Normalizing - Normalizing is a tactic used to desensitize an individual to abusive, coercive or inappropriate behaviors. In essence, normalizing is the manipulation of another human being to get them to agree to, or accept something that is in conflict with the law, social norms or their own basic code of behavior.

No-Win Scenarios - When you are manipulated into choosing between two bad options

Panic Attacks - Short intense episodes of fear or anxiety, often accompanied by physical symptoms, such as hyperventilating, shaking, sweating and chills.

Parentification - A form of role reversal, in which a child is inappropriately given the role of meeting the emotional or physical needs of the parent or of the family’s other children.

Passive-Aggressive Behavior - Expressing negative feelings in an unassertive, passive way.

Pathological Lying - Persistent deception by an individual to serve their own interests and needs with little or no regard to the needs and concerns of others. A pathological liar is a person who habitually lies to serve their own needs.

Projection - The act of attributing one’s own feelings or traits to another person and imagining or believing that the other person has those same feelings or traits.

Push-Pull - A chronic pattern of sabotaging and re-establishing closeness in a relationship without appropriate cause or reason.

Raging, Violence and Impulsive Aggression - Explosive verbal, physical or emotional elevations of a dispute. Rages threaten the security or safety of another individual and violate their personal boundaries.

Sabotage - The spontaneous disruption of calm or status quo in order to serve a personal interest, provoke a conflict or draw attention.

Scapegoating - Singling out an individual or group for unmerited negative treatment or blame.

Selective Competence - The practice of demonstrating different levels of intelligence or ability depending on the situation or environment.

Selective Memory and Selective Amnesia - The use of memory, or a lack of memory, which is selective to the point of reinforcing a bias, belief or desired outcome.

Self-Harm - Self Harm, also known as self-mutilation, self-injury or self-abuse is any form of deliberate, premeditated injury inflicted on oneself, common among adolescents and among people who suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. The most common forms are cutting and poisoning/overdosing.

Self-Loathing - An extreme hatred of one’s own self, actions or one’s ethnic or demographic background.

Self-Victimization - Self-Victimization or “playing the victim” is the act of casting oneself as a victim in order to control others by soliciting a sympathetic response from them or diverting their attention away from abusive behavior.

Shaming - The difference between blaming and shaming is that in blaming someone tells you that you did something bad, in shaming someone tells you that you are something bad.

Situational Ethics - A philosophy which promotes the idea that, when dealing with a crisis, the end justifies the means and that a rigid interpretation of rules and laws can be set aside if a greater good or lesser evil is served by doing so.

Splitting - The practice of regarding people and situations as either completely “good” or completely “bad”.

Thought Policing - A process of interrogation or attempt to control another individual’s thoughts or feelings.

Threats - Inappropriate, intentional warnings of destructive actions or consequences.

Triangulation - Gaining an advantage over perceived rivals by manipulating them into conflicts with each other.

Triggering - Small, insignificant or minor actions, statements or events that produce a dramatic or inappropriate response.

Tunnel Vision - A tendency to focus on a single concern, while neglecting or ignoring other important priorities.

The Way I Feel Inside (Eggsy x Reader) Part 1

Summary: Based off of the song, ‘The Way I Feel Inside.’ (I saw Sing a month ago and honestly loved Taron’s singing so here we go)

Pairing: Eggsy x Fem!Reader

Warnings: None that I can think of

Word Count: 1636

A/N: So sorry about such a long hiatus guys. Hopefully this is a sign that my writer’s block is clearing up


Originally posted by thetaronblog



Eggsy and Roxy found themselves in a bit of a predicament.

To an outsider looking in, the partners appeared to be having a marvelous time. Eggsy twirled Roxy, her scarlet dress catching the light oh so perfectly that it sparked envy into some of the women in the room. Nevermind the fact that her date looked at her as though she were the stars to his moon, and the two appeared to whisper sweet nothings into each other’s ears.

But in fact the opposite was true.

“What if they can’t reach us?”

Roxy smiled, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. “Are you really doubting Y/N’s talents?”

(Your POV)

“Morgana, I must insist-”

You cut off Merlin’s protests with a simple glare. The man held his tongue, but you could see the conflict in his gaze as he rolled his chair beside yours. Your fingers moved with grace, pressing the appropriate keys as you attempted to hack into the most complex system you had met yet: the Kremlin.

“If you even hesitate for too long-”

“Merlin,” you said, clearly exasperated, though not tearing your eyes away from the monitor now. “If you ever expect me to one day take your place, you have to trust in my skillset. Why else would you have sponsored me?”

He didn’t answer, and for that you were grateful. There was enough stress surrounding your current situation, and you would be lying if you said that your main focus was completing the mission. No, it was to make sure Eggsy got out alive.

Not that anyone needed to know that.

(Eggsy’s POV)

“Galahad, can you hear me?”

Eggsy smiled at the familiar voice. “Loud and clear, Morgana.”

Roxy’s shoulders relaxed as they twirled along the dancefloor, now able to focus on their mission without worrying about if they would even make it home.

“Good. I’m looking at the blueprints right now. There’s a hallway somewhat hidden away to your far right.” Eggsy turned his head, allowing his eyes to be yours. “Right behind Ambassador Tolstoy, can you see it?”

“Yeah,” Eggsy confirmed, dipping Roxy so she could peer past the group of fat politicians.

“Do you want me to lead Fyodor over there?” His partner questioned, her eyes already searching the crowded space for the engineer they were meant to kidnap.

Both agents heard a chuckle, most likely from Merlin, when your voice spoke into the comms again. “Lancelot, no offense, but Fyodor does not necessarily go after people like you.” Eggsy could hear the smile in your voice. “Galahad, from what I’ve observed since the connection has been re-established, the man cannot take his eyes off of you.”

Eggsy’s cheeks burned a bright red as he chanced a glance to his left. Sure enough, there stood Fyodor Romanov, a Russian gangster who single-handedly led to the assassination of four Kingsman agents two months prior. The target sipped a glass of cognac, though it appeared he had an appetite for something that would guarantee a more prolonged satisfaction.

“Galahad, all you have to do is talk to him. Maybe flirt a little, maybe a kiss…”

Roxy laughed as Eggsy twirled her around. “You’re not helping,” he grumbled out.

“Merlin will be with you the whole time. Lancelot, I’m going to contact you on a separate frequency; we have something else for you.”

Eggsy led Roxy to the edge of the dance floor, where they removed themselves from each other. Roxy tilted her head to Fyodor, her eyes sparkling. “Have fun,” she said, before walking away to do whatever it was you needed her for.

As Eggsy approached Fyodor, Merlin attempted to give him a few pointers. “Just pretend he’s Princess Tilde.” Eggsy scoffed. “Right, forgot that’s a sour topic. I’m sure from a certain angle he has to look semi-appealing.”

Eggsy shook his head, grabbing a flute of champagne and chugging it. “It’s not that he’s ugly Merlin; it’s just that I can’t–”

“How about Y/N?” Eggsy froze where he stood. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you stare at her. I’m sure that with enough imagination, and more than just one glass of champagne…” He trailed off, hoping Eggsy could follow his method of thinking.

Eggsy siddled up to the bar, right beside Fyodor. Sending the Russian his most charming smile, he whispered to the bartender, “Your strongest. Keep it coming.”

(Your POV)

You leaned back in your chair, pinching the bridge of your nose as you tried to will away the headache that was coming on. Too long staring at a screen did that to a person. Add to that the constant worrying about Eggsy… you really needed to sleep this one off.

You felt Merlin’s gaze on you, and dropped your hand to meet it. “What’s wrong?”

“Y/N,” it really never was a good sign when Merlin’s tone was serious, “how long do you plan to go on like this?”

“I have no idea what you mean.” You did.

“After what happened with Dean, I just don’t want you getting hurt again.”

“If you’re trying to imply I feel something for Eggsy, then you might need more rest than I do.” Not wanting to speak of the matter anymore, you stood from your desk and left, heading for your quarters.

Merlin sighed, shaking his head. It was then his stomach dropped as he saw your comms unit, discarded, but online. He turned it off, for once hoping his agents weren’t listening as they so often didn’t.

But fortune was not on anyone’s side that day.

***

For the next week, a palpable tension rested heavily in the air. In an effort to prove Merlin wrong, you spent the majority of your time overseeing various missions, leaving the array of monitors only to eithe eat, sleep, or use the restroom (though you found that with the help of some friends and a pillow, you could do the first two down there).

Meanwhile, you noticed Eggsy appeared to be a bit down the last few days, when you would see him that is, but you just assumed it had to do with Princess Tilde, who had gotten married that week as well. Remembering how willingly Eggsy went to her once a month, you would be lying if you said you weren’t glad she had gotten married; even Eggsy had limits. Yet that still didn’t mean you enjoyed his sour mood.

One day, you decided to approach Roxy about the subject. You found her in the gun range, eyes fixed in determination as her bullets went through the same hole over and over and over again. In hindsight, her cold stare and rigid posture should have given it all away.

Fast forward ten minutes, and you found yourself in the infirmary, listening to Roxy apologize again and again as the nurse stitched up the result of a bullet grazing your arm.

Not a second later Eggsy comes into the room, his eyes wide as he takes in the scene in front of him. “What the hell happened?”

You cut off Roxy before she could say anything. “Tried practicing in the shooting range again. Now you know why Merlin keeps me off the field.” You tried to smile but winced as the nurse pulled a little too tightly on your skin.

Eggsy nodded, his concern fading before that icy mask fell over him yet again. “Well, after you’re done here, he wants to see you downstairs. Something about a Japanese hacker group.”

Without another word he left the room. You turned to Roxy, who now avoided your gaze. “What the hell is all of that about?”

“He’s just been really upset about Princess Tilde.” She pressed a hand to her comms unit and sent you an apologetic smile. “Sorry I have to go. I’ll make this up to you.”

As she rushed out of the room, you felt a feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time: loneliness. Sure, your friends were there (you supposed Merlin counted as a friend as well), but they were all lying to you. For the first time in a while, you felt like an outsider in a place that had come to mean home.

When the nurse cleared you, you headed straight for lower ground, deciding it better to immerse yourself in work rather than face the conflict at hand.

Merlin and Eggsy were standing there, waiting for you. Your superior’s eyes trailed to the bandage wrapped around your arm, to which you shrugged, wordlessly promising to explain it to him later.

“Morgana, thank you for joining us so promptly.” Merlin greeted. He turned to Eggsy, who seemed to be looking at anything except you. “Would you like to tell her or should I?”

Eggsy twirled one of Merlin’s pens in his hands. “You’re the boss.”

What the hell had gotten into him? But you didn’t have much time to contemplate this as Merlin turned back to face you.

“Lancelot is in Tibet for the rest of the month, and, due to the bombing last week, I barely have enough field agents as it is.” He couldn’t be serious. “I need you to join Galahad on a mission.”

You listened to Merlin explain the mission details. It was a usual: high class citizen who exploits their business for the sake of profits. This one in particular is suspected of human trafficking. However, your attention solely remained on Eggsy.

You watched him avoid your gaze purposely. His jaw clenched as Merlin explained the two of you would pose as a newlyweds attending a gala in Paris. Eggsy would be the supposed bastard of some aristocrat who you didn’t bother remembering the name of. The job was simple: get in, grab the banker, and get out.

Unfortunately, when it came to you two nothing was simple.


(A/N Part 2 is in the works. Let me know what you guys think)

anonymous asked:

how do you know what the gods are telling you? do you have a godphone? what about people who don't have one?

And I know that my poetry usually makes no sense, it’s a thing called love that compels us to keep reading. Would you care to know why my favorite color is red? I used to have a friend named Kevin and it was his favorite color. He was the flamboyant and most colorful of us in the group. Popular with the ladies and loyal to his friends. I was the one in the backseat laughing to their thoughts when I really had none of my own. Maybe that’s why I enjoy writing so much. Maybe that’s why I love the color red. He painted his room red once, I remember things changing right around then. The drugs were getting a little heavier even with his teenage youth, the drugs will rip right through you. Painkillers will kill your emotions, you don’t want to feel a thing. I can relate to Kevin, I fucking love painkillers too. I shut myself off from everyone, but occasionally I enjoy the company. I’m awkward and my thoughts are kinda dim, so I always liked being around him. Are you familiar with the literary term foil? A foil is a character who contrasts with another character in order to highlight particular qualities of the other character. I feel like he was like that for me. I always saw myself as a little too blue, I wanted to be something worth loving, I wanted to be a little more like him, I want to kiss life into everything, I wanted to live, I wanted to be more than a shadow of a group of peers that did drugs and listened to melancholy and nostalgic techno after school hours. I don’t know how he’s doing or what he’s up to. The last thing I heard was he’s into needles now. Rumors plague this tiny town, we were raised from imperfections and we grew up to taste cigarettes that numb our gums. He had the kind of laugh that made you want to be his friend. It’s funny though, none of my friends initially liked me. Until they got to know me, empty and hollow, a sponge– the one who listened to the problems, never really any of my own. I get lost in my thoughts, I know. My poetry is scattered, I know. I don’t convey structure or rhymes, I don’t hide in between the rules. My words are more scribbles than they are truly masterpieces. Would you like to know why I write? I used to know someone that said the shoreline was like a bed and naps were always possible– she waited there everyday for inspiration. She would tell me the tiny stories inside of her head that had nowhere to go, it’s funny. I never really listened to her, I just enjoyed the company of love and to be loved. Love, what is it? When I wrote my first poem for her, I didn’t know where it came from or why I wanted to write it. I just knew that I had to write it. It had to be done. I had to read it to her. Let me tell you, if your first poem was a love poem, it was probably the most cringe thing you’ve ever created. Ever. Period. But still, I loved it. It was bad, but it had feelings. You always miss the feeling more than you do the person and that’s the saddest thing I’ve ever had to realize. It really shouldn’t be, but it is. You never really understand your mistakes until it’s just you. You only want them back when you’re alone. It’s been so long, I don’t keep track of the days anymore. Hell, she’s married now. I shouldn’t be writing this. She’s going to read it anyway. It doesn’t matter at this point. I guess she left poetry inside of these palms for good measure, she loved attention. A lot of it. The more, the better. Maybe I stopped paying attention. Maybe I got too comfortable. Maybe that’s why I love writing poetry, in a way it just means that I still love her. Lost kids who didn’t know how to love, another foil. You know, I never really liked to read books until I met her. She had a smile made from your doggy eared books, you know, your favorite line you always had to reread or quote during a conversation. She had the kind of laugh that made you want to get in on the joke even though you were the one telling it. I loved that laugh almost as much as I loved Kevin’s. I don’t talk to these two anymore, I don’t remember much about the memories, only the feelings that they left. You can’t find loyalty amongst pill users, they always use. Trust me, I know. I’ve been swearing off painkillers for months. You won’t find a love like that again because every relationship is unique in its own way. You can’t recreate the old flames with your new ones. You need to move on. I haven’t really lived life. Maybe you’re just like me. Maybe you’re stuck at a job that you don’t like and maybe life just doesn’t make much sense. So you blackhole more drugs to ease the disaster that is you. Nothing hurts, you just don’t want to remember anything that might hurt– right? It really shouldn’t be, but it is. I listen to music more often than I converse with people. Music influences my soul in a way that people cannot. I just turned 24, but I’m still a little confused about who I am. Does any 24 year old have their shit figured out? Do you ever feel like your dreams and aspirations are slowly dying? I’ve always felt like an old man. I’m boring and I don’t dance too much, the only thing good about me is my writing. It’s the only thing I’m half decent at, but I hate that too. I don’t answer anonymous questions anymore because I feel like my thoughts aren’t good enough. How can I help you if I can’t even help myself? Red rose petal poetry pressed onto the stove kind of writing– it really shouldn’t hurt, but it does. I’ll always miss the days when things were simpler. I didn’t care as much. I didn’t smoke as much. I didn’t think as much. It was just simple. No hard facts, just some stupid kids getting high behind a dark house and running into ghosts in every room. No broken hearts, just some teenagers who wanted to figure love out with a knife in hand waiting to hug each other. I’ll pry the knife real slow and we’ll call it love kind of love, ain’t it love? I love you doesn’t even sound right anymore, so I’ll say nothing. I miss my old friends, but we’ve changed so much– I wonder if they’ll even recognize me. My life is insignificant and minuscule, but we must all seek to find our purpose, to bring meaning to the clutter, and to add more fire to the chaos that is life. I don’t want to die angry, I want to die with a smile. You don’t get to do anything twice, you don’t get to correct your mistakes– so make enough for your self-reflection drunk nights. You don’t get to unlove people, so pick the right ones to fall in love with– don’t worry, you won’t need to remember all of their names, just the feelings. You don’t get to unfriend people, they’ll always be a part of you. A part of who you are. A part of who you will come to be. I keep slipping into the darkest parts of my mind and call it a life. I’ve been reading this book and it told me to dig deep. Why do I write? Why do I enjoy the burn of love? Over a few thousand poems, but 99.9 percent are indeed about love. Why do you want this kind of life? Well, darling– These words are as much yours as they are mine.
—  zero point one
Fake/Pretend Relationship AU Idea

Literally every single fake relationship au I’ve read ends with Person A and Person B in a romantic relationship.

I want an au where they don’t.

Person A and Person B are besties. Maybe they’ve known each other since they were in diapers, maybe they met in college, maybe at work or over the internet - be it through a site like tumblr or one of those dating sites and things just didn’t work out that way. However they know each other, these two nerds are platonic soulmates, okay? Okay.

Now, maybe they’re on the aro-ace spectrum. Maybe they’re hetero/bi/homosexual. Maybe they have a girlfriend/boyfriend/datemate that they know their family/work place/peer group won’t approve of which leads to the whole shenanigan in the first place. Maybe Person A is happily single and not looking for a relationship but would like their family to kindly back the fuck off, so Person B steps up to the plate. Maybe Person B has one of those creepy, persistent suitors that just won’t take no for an answer, so Person A smiles like Sunshine with eyes of Death and an arm around Person B’s waist.

I want these two being so platonically in love, that everyone thinks they are In Love. I want these two to hold hands and kiss and just be in each other’s space all the time and not be weird about it, because why would they? I want these two to just act like normal, and everyone thinks they’re dating regardless because no one knows what the fuck platonic love is anyway. I want these two to be laughing internally the entire time. They have bingo cards for Person A’s aunt’s wedding and running bets on how many times people will coo over how In Love they are.

tl;dr Basically, I want a fake/pretend relationship au where Person A and Person B are platonic soulmates and laugh at society’s heteronormative/romantic ideation.

Capricorn the Late Bloomer

Capricorns are very much about soliciting their real place in the ‘real’ world. His gifts await in the realm of organization, pragmatism and ensuring efficiency found within the existing structures. Capricorns are a unique sign of the zodiac. This is partly courtesy of their curious tendency to ‘age backwards’. Considered ‘late bloomers’ in astrology, Capricorn people really burst into life when they can sit back and finally enjoy the revenue of many years of hard work. He wants to build something important in the world that stands as testimony to his dedication and effort, and becomes eternally illuminated when these projects finally see fruition. The comfort that comes with age is usually enough to free the Capricorn from his inborn feelings of responsibility, duty and unworthiness. By the time they are elders, Capricorns have the ability to really let go and delight in simple things in a childlike way.  

The Capricorn life is filled with many lessons leading to the attainment of will power. Their ruler, Saturn is a powerful ally that throws multiple, time consuming obstacles in his path, though Saturn, the alchemist always provides the promise of immeasurable success once these are overcome. The early life of the Capricorn seems harsh, with many conflicts arising not only with authority but also within himself. Typically reserved as children, he was scared of expressing his true feelings and emotions. Young Capricorns are eager to shoulder adult responsibilities and feel more comfortable around people older people, and will seek out friendships with people outside their peer group on purpose. Sometimes Capricorns only allows himself to express his inner child when he is almost too old to enjoy it.

In their 30’s, following the first Saturn Return, Capricorns finally begin to release hold of all the self imposed restrictions and limitations. He slowly allows himself to relax into life a little more and start growing into his own skin. The Capricorn youth can be plagued by the monologue of a vicious inner critic; the inner judge that is always quick to criticize and deliver a well timed reality check. As Capricorn ages, he learns to create that equally opposing voice. This is the voice that tells him how beautiful, intelligent and vital he truly is. With every birthday crossed off the years, the Capricorn becomes lighter, freer and truly blooms as the incandescent flower he is.

-Cherry

Nicked from myersbricks on variants

Social Instinct (So)

This does NOT mean “sociable” and any type, even Social blindspot, may have and enjoy the company of many friends (though they are less bothered than most by not). A Social type wishes to belong to or be connected to a group, to contribute to society, and / or possibly to achieve a level of status and fame (though this will vary). Usually develops as a response to childhood feelings of loneliness or isolation, of being “different” from or “separate” from groups or peers. Neurotic social types find it difficult to participate in groups and thus, paradoxically, many loners are Social firsts. People with this instinct in their first or second place often find it easy to identify the “social hierarchy” and pay attention to who has status within a group, consciously or otherwise, and are keenly aware of their own place within it.

Social second often finds it relatively easy to “network”, to make friends or connections, and may take a relaxed issue towards family and friends. Less healthy Social 2nd may take friends and networks for granted, or exploit them for their Sp first or Sx first ends. Sx/So in particular may cross social boundaries without thinking because they feel that burnt bridges can be rebuilt or replaced.

Social last may have several friends or belong to many groups but does not prioritise them. They may easily join and drop out of social groups (including online groups) with little thought to what other people think (in the sense that it does not really occur to them rather than that they maliciously do not care). They may also be guilty of more “social faux pas’” than the other stackings as they do not care much for how others think of them (relative to other typological factors and health level etc.). They may also occasionally present as somewhat “mysterious” to other people.


Sexual Instinct (Sx)

This does NOT mean “sexual” nor does it mean romantic relationships- any type can fall in love and live happily together. Instead, Sx refers to “sexual energy” and draws to mind a desire to “merge” with a significant other and spend as much time with them as possible, giving 110%. However, this energy need not be directed only at a lover- a cause, a project, a religion, an organization, a dream; anything will do, and individual Sx persons may have several interests at once, or spend their lives searching for someone or something to devote themselves to. In general, Sx/Sp is more “relationship oriented” than Sx/So, but this is more of a trend than a rule and there are numerous exceptions each way. Sx types often feel intense and have a need for intense experiences, though what this entails will vary by person. Neurotic Sx types can be selfish and prioritise their own need for experiences ahead or at the expense of what other people want or care about. Some Sx types may have felt disconnected from an early significant relationship, such as parents or other family members.

Sexual second finds it relatively easy to form or pursue close relationships, romantic or otherwise, and feels comfortable pursuing social or self-preservation goals when they have an intimate other (or others), romantic or otherwise. Even if they never actually enter a relationship themselves, they are often read in them and find them easy to understand. Less healthily, they may feel lonely when not in the company of close friends or family, or they may exploit relationships for their other ends.

Sexual last may feel that they lack a certain “drive” or “energy” in their life and do not find it as easy as Sx types to pursue their ambitions or their dreams, or appear to do so at a more relaxed pace. They may also feel strangely disconnected to people they are close to as if there is some “gap” or “space” between them no matter how close they actually are.


Self-Preservation

This instinct is the desire for security, for home, health, job, fitness, family etc. While everybody must have or pursue these needs in order to survive, the self-preservation type may feel insecure about getting these needs met and about keeping them met. Though in some ways the least ambitious of the three instinctual types, they can give it their all if they feel their personal security (and / or that of their friends and family) are at stake in one way or another. Sp also represents psychological security and many devote themselves to hobbies, careers or projects when they feel secure in the other areas of their life (whether or not they actually are); or, alternatively, to give themselves a sense of security in an less ordered life. Self-Pres types often desire less to be “wealthy” than to “have enough” and are not necessarily interested in riches- though they may chase after them like everyone else, they are more likely to be possessive about what they have than greedy about getting more, unless they want more out of fear of future loss. Though the “average man / woman” is often a Self-Pres type, they can also be found amongst several highly successful and famous persons who have managed to achieve fame and fortune by hard work and good luck rather than as an end in itself. Some self-pres types felt deprived or endangered as children and fear loss of security again.

Self-Pres second finds it relatively easy to take care of themselves or have their needs met. They may feel more “secure” than Self-Pres first and are likely to feel that they are best served building themselves a solid “base” or “nest” and / or achieving a certain level of mental or physical fitness before pursuing their Social or Sexual needs. Less healthily, others may take Self-Preservation for granted and be wasteful with their time and resources as they are so relaxed about these issues that they get left by the wayside or risked in a gamble.

Self-Pres last often felt like their self-preservation needs were either unimportant or easily met (many people from wealthier backgrounds are Sp last; others from poorer backgrounds may simply have been well looked after or felt more secure in their Social or Sexual instincts in support). They may find it difficult to take care of themselves if they fall on hard times or they may fail to consider the physical needs of others.