the orange is dirk

anonymous asked:

right now im drawing dirk eating an orange in the shower (dont ask) and the only thing i can think about is how john would find this so fcuking attractive

dirk *muffled from the bathroom*: Fuck theres juice in my fucking eye
john: i hate this man

3

im in love with the concept of dirk growing up on orange soda but never having tasted an actual orange in his life 

so jade takes him to a new carapace farm plucks a ripe orange off the tree and dirk just bites into the whole thing like a fucking animal, rind and everything

and jade is just staring at him astounded by what the fuck she just witnessed like

JADE: ._.
JADE: i...... think youre supposed to peel it first!!!!!

Homestuck quizzes be like

*dont kill me* Whats your favorite color?
*hides behind Gamzee while sharing a faygo*

1) MUTANT CANDY RED

2) rust red 0_0 (no that looks stupid) 私のコックを吸います

3) bRONZE/cHOCOLATE BROWN

4) mu2turd yellow

5) :33

6) I Would In Fact Choose A Much More Sophisticated Color, Something Like Jade Green

7) T33H33 T34L 1S TH3 B3ST COLOR! 4LTHOUGH 1 WOULD 4LSO CHOOS3 4 D3L1C1OUS C4NDY R3D >;)

8) wee8eeeeellllllllllllllll i w8uld think 8LUE w8uld 8eeeeeeee a superi8rrrrrrrr color :::;))))

9) a STRONG bl00!

10) I cAn HeAr CoLoRs MoThErFuCkEr :o)

11) sexually frustrated sea dwweller purple

12) GLUB!! Royal m—–Egent(whale)a pink!! Glub!

13) slime ghost green! :B

14) black or lavender purple 😒

15) coooooooooooool red B/

16) blue!!!!! :D

17) hoo hoo!! Well gosh diddily darn tootin hmmmmmm welll maybe light blue!! 8B

18) i leik uhh ponkkk (like* punk* pink*)

19) self loathing daddy issues orange

20) im not interested dirk

Dirk Gently, second attempt :-)

dirk, who loves artificial orange flavor but spent his entire life on a tower in the middle of the ocean and therefore has never tasted an actual orange, one day finally gets the opportunity to taste a real one, fresh and ripe from jades garden, and, again, having no experience with real fresh fruits or vegetables, lifts the damn thing to his mouth and just takes a bite, rind and all,