the only thing better than this is if it were real

i have thought a lot about censorship and what is “appropriate”. not a lot of people know this, but lolita was written to show what we allow on our bookshelves: there being no swear words in it meant it was free from censorship. a book about child molestation was allowed because it didn’t explicitly use the word “fuck”. he wrote it to show we don’t really care about protecting children, and it ended up being seen as a romance.

someone once told me - actually, many people have - that lgbt content isn’t appropriate for children. any content. not just kissing. i’m drowned in questions: “won’t the parents have to explain it?” “kids shouldn’t be thinking about sex at this age, or do you think differently?” “what will the kids think?”

at six i saw disney movies. people kiss and get married. i didn’t ask “what does that mean.” i didn’t ask “are those people going to have sex?” i didn’t ask anything, because i was six, and no six year old thinks twice about these things. nobody ever “explained” being straight to me, it was a fact, and it existed, and i was fine with that. why would being gay require a thesis, i wonder.

someone once told me that the one of the reasons people hate lgbt individuals is because they can’t see us as anything but sexual. we’re not people, so much as sinners. that they don’t see love, they see sex. just sex. it’s perversion, not a matter of the heart. only of the body.

i think i was in my early twenties before i saw someone like me. 

how old were you, though, before you saw violence? before you saw sexual assault on tv? i think something like that is only pg-13, and if it’s implied, they can get away with anything. i remember watching things and learning about blood, but knowing sex - sex was what was really wrong. sex was always rated r. sex was always kind of a bad word. i was told a lot that i wasn’t ready.

i had a dream last night that i made a site where people could ask any question they wanted about sex and get answered by a professional. it was shut down in moments because 15 year olds wanted to know if it should hurt, if “double-bagging” was a real thing, if this, if that. we shudder. don’t let the children know about that! 

but at thirteen i had seen enough violence it no longer struck me. i couldn’t say “fuck” but i knew that if you break your femur, you can bleed out internally in under half an hour. in school i wasn’t allowed to write about loving girls because what would the administration think - but i could write about wanting to kill myself and people would say how lovely, how blistering.

i have thought a lot about censorship. sometimes people on this site try it with me: don’t write this, don’t be so nasty. some of it is intrinsic. we know as people with a uterus not to complain about “that time of the month”, we know better than to talk about sexual assault (how shameful), we know that talking about a vagina is somehow scandalous. i can say “dick” and nobody questions me. some people only refer to the bottom half of me by “pussy”. they won’t wrap a mouth around “vagina” like it’s poison to them. even discussing this, that the language halts, that there’s an intrinsic desire to say “girls” instead of “women” - feels naughty, illicit. not for children.

the other day someone suggested i make my blog 18+. i said, okay, it deals a lot with depression and other problems that might be for a mature audience. oh no, they said, that’s not it, i think that’s helpful. i said, okay. so what is it then. well, you’re gay. you write about loving women. and i said, i don’t write about sex often and they said. it’s not about the sex. but wlw isn’t for a general audience. teenagers aren’t ready.

oh.

lolita is recommended for high school and up. i think about that a lot. i know girls who love it, who say it speaks to them on a deep level. it’s beautiful prose, after all. that was the whole point of the novel. something that looked like a rose but was intrinsically awful. i think about how if i was a model they’d want me to look young, thin, prepubescent. how my body would be sold and how through the mall i walk by images of barely-clothed women while mothers cannot breastfeed in public without fear of retribution. 

i think about how i can write a novel about violence and it will be pg-13 but if my characters say “fuck” twice it’s inappropriate. i said fuck three times so far in this post, which makes it only appropriate for adults. 

i think about that, and how my identity is something that people suggest lines up with a swear word. that people shouldn’t talk about it. that it’s a vulgarity. bad for children, harsh, confusing.

fuck. i love women. which one makes this only for those over eighteen.

THIS MIGHT BE A REACH BUT I THINK I’M ONTO SOMETHING HERE.

OKAY OKAY SO LISTEN 
There’s a lot of discorse about the new season and that’s understandable BUT I want you guys to look at something with me for a second. 

 I wanna talk about Keith and Lance. We all know Keith’s going through a lot, the blade of marmora is convincing him his own life matters less than the mission, that if he died it would just be for the greater good of the cause. So he’s pulling away, trying to make it so that Voltron doesn’t need him so that he could be… disposable. 

So Keith talks to Shiro and tries to get him to go back to being the black paladin. And *cough cough* fake *cough* Shiro tells him to buckle the heck up and stop whining and just be the black paladin. He doesn’t see, in that moment just what Keith is trying to do. So he gets mad. 

This is a face of pure dissapointment in Shiro. And Keith sees it. He really sees it, and feels it too. But he doesnt know what to do about it.

He’s the lone wolf, right? He doesn’t know how to function in a team properly. In the B.O.M he’s much more independant. Yes, he gets orders and people he goes on with missions but if you really watch most of those missions involve very little teamwork. 

So Keith is pulling away, but at the same time he’s getting the rejection from everyone in the team that’s pushing him away. When he shows up late in the begining of episode one Hunk, Pidge and Lance are super pissed at him, right? 

Right? 

No, go back and look at Lance. He’s not angry. He’s worried. 

Yeah, he says “Are you even taking this seriously?” But think about it. Keith is someone who throws himself into missions. He takes everything he does seriously and he puts a 100% of himself into what he does. He doesn’t half ass things, and it pays off. He gets results. 

Lance is used to seeing Keith do well. At the Garrison he was top of the class, when he was still with Voltron he usually spent his free time training. And now, all of a sudden he’s late to missions, falling behind while he’s the leader. 

Not only that but remember this scene? 

 Again,everyone looks super pissed right? No look at Lance. 

And remember the dialogue? 

Allura:You keep saying you’re sorry but your actions say otherwise. Do you realise that your actions put the entire team in jeoprady? 
Lance: And not Just the team but the refugees too. 

and again, look at his face as he says it. 

He’s not angry. He’s confused there. Think about it. What did Keith tell Pidge when she tried to leave? That other people’s lives were at stake if she left. Keith cares about the people he’s out there protecting. Lance understands that this is not how Keith normally is. 

We know that they got closer in season 3 with Lance opening up to Keith and all and you might even call them friends. Sure he’s not as close as (the real) Shiro is to Keith, but he’s close enough to see Keith isn’t himself. 

But what if… what if Keith did open up. 

I get that this might be somewhat of a reach BUT if you watch Keith’s vlog, it’s very likely he wasn’t alone when he filmed it (he looks like he’s talking to someone off camera. but also tells them to get them out of there. Not only that but the camera turns off and from how emotional he got and the way he was walking its unlikely he turned it off and if you watch Allura’s vlog, she definitely gets closer to turn it off). Now my first thought would be that seeming it’s tech related it would be likely that Pidge would be with him. 

But it doesn’t seem like something that Pidge would be into. Sitting and making vlogs with the paladins. Not her style. 

Okay so maybe Coran? He was the first to upload a vlog, and the camera might be some castle gear? Sounds reasonable enough. But why only be there for Keith’s vlog? Allura was definitely alone during her’s. Also, I dont see them having the kind of bond where Keith would say any of that to Coran. No offense Space unc, we love you. 

OKAY so not Coran or Pidge… so maybe Allura? 

No, the bond isn’t strong enough. As someone who is pretty similar to Keith in defense mechanisms, I don’t see him trusting her to a point where he’s this open with her especially after what happened the last time he opened up about his Galra identity. 

(We all know where I’m going with this, but for argument’s sake; I will keep going. Feel free to skip ahead.) 

Okay so Hunk maybe? He has the tech know-how and stood up for Keith during the whole Galra thing. Even if he did tease him a little… Okay but even then they haven’t really had much bonding since then. I suppose it’s possible if Keith was feeling particularly vulnerable and whatever. But… Would Hunk really bother Keith to make a vlog? and would Keith ask Hunk to help with a vlog? 

It doesn’t really seem in character. Yes, they’re closer but still… not close enough. 

So that leaves Shiro and Lance. First, lets look at why I don’t think it’s Shiro. 

As we know Shiro is someone Keith looks up to. He’s always extremely respectful towards him and it shows in his facial expressions and way of speaking. 

but then look at this; 

Thats not a face Keith would make at Shiro.

You know who he does make faces like that at? 

L A N C E 

So lets think about this. Does Lance have the tech know how? Well he’s always stealing Pidge’s shit so I’mma go ahead and say, yeah to that one. Allura seems equally technically inclined as Lance, so seeming she has no trouble with it that makes sense. 

And even if Keith didn’t ask Lance to help him with his vlog, you know what does seem Lance like? Suggesting Keith makes a vlog. 

So lets asume here, for a moment that Lance knows about Keith’s abandonment issues. That would explain why he looks so worried in the screenshot from before, right? He knows Keith is feeling rejected by his team and he knows that Keith’s behaviour has changed since he started working more with the blade. 

But while they got closer in season 3, and Lance has a better understanding of Keith now, I also think Keith was eager to put some distance between them after that outburst. So he starts working with the blade a lot, right? Meaning Lance hardly sees him. 

So they take a few steps back in their friendship.

And then Kolivan calls Keith to a mission that they all know will be dangerous and look at Lance’s face. 

Yes, you could read it as Lance not wanting his spotlight gone BUT remember that Lance isn’t as shallow as he seems at first glance. He’s not the loverboy he pretends to be and few realise it, but he masks a lot of his emotions. 

Yes, Lance thrives on attention. But do you really think that he would prioritise a show over a mission that could give them a great boost in power? No, this isn’t about the show, this goes deeper. He’s worried. He’s worried about Keith. 

He doesn’t want him to go. He needs him around. But he cant tell him that. Especially not in front of everyone. 

So what does Lance do? 

He makes a stupid argument, its not much, but it’s all he’s got. “We can’t razzle dazzle the crowd with four lions.” 
We need you, I need you. Thats what he’s trying to say. 

And Keith refuses. 

So Lance has that same expression. He’s looking at Shiro in dissbelief this time because he can’t believe he’s letting him go. 

So what we’ve established thus far is the following; 

-Lance definitely feels closer to Keith than he used to. 
-Lance was probably there during Keith’s vlog.
-Lance isn’t as straight forward as people think he is. 
-There’s probably some distance between them right now. 
-Lance has noticed Keith’s change in behaviour. 

So with all that in mind, do you really think Lance doesn’t see that Keith is in a bad place. He knows something is up. He can feel Keith pulling and he’s trying to tell him that they need him around but he doesn’t know how to say it. And then… then Keith tells them he’s leaving. 

yeah, everyone looks sad, but look at Lance. He looks deep in thought. What do you think he’s thinking? He just realised he lost Keith. And he gets it. Suddenly it all makes sense. Keith more or less reforced the bond between Black and Shiro and he was acting strange, showing up late. This is what’s been up with Keith and Lance finally figure out that this whole time, he was losing Keith. 

But he gives it one last try. 

Who am I going to make fun of? 

It’s so much more than a playfull jab. Think about it. Really think about it. 

“Who am I going to make fun of?”

Who am I gonna talk to? 

Don’t go. 

Ring Once

Story by reddit user Pippinacious

I’d never been good in storms, but I was even worse in hospitals, so when the choice came to go visit Nana, my ma’s mother, or stay home and brave the thunder and lightning on my own, I only hesitated for a moment before making my decision.

“You sure you don’t want to come, Hannah?” Ma asked, hovering uncertainly in the doorway leading to the garage.

Keep reading

Why I Quit German

WARNINGS: This story is really gross and/or horrifying but also hilarious imho.  Your health always comes first, so mind the tags:  Violence, Cannibalism Mention, Suicidal Ideation, Feces, Sleep Deprivation, Airplanes, I generally had a really bad time but now it’s hysterical.  Most of the story is under the cut because it’s eight miles long.


In August of 2009 I flew back to Honolulu to do my sophomore year of college with the intention of entering 400-level german. What happened instead is the closest I’ve ever come to personally dying or actually murdering someone.

The problem started the day before my flight, when I attended a birthday party for a very dear cousin in Denver, and due to be in 1 of 2 adults present, ended up driving a bunch of teenagers home and didn’t get home until 12:30 that night.  Oh well, my flight’s at 6AM anyway, I’ll just stay up. I can sleep on the plane, I thought, like a complete fucking fool.

Keep reading

Reunion

“You grew up.”

He laughs, rough and edging just slightly on bitter.

“Yeah, that happens when you disappear for two years.”

Derek’s eyes flit downward, and Stiles waits for him to comment on the FBI vest strapped to his chest but he doesn’t. His eyes only go so far as Stiles’ mouth, flicking back to his eyes and then down again, lingering, before sliding away. A warmth blooms out from Stiles’ chest, crawling up his neck and coiling downward, and this definitely isn’t the time for this but they haven’t seen each other in a year and a half, not even pictures because why the hell would Stiles have a picture of Derek (and he’s spent too long cursing not having pictures of Derek) and he finds his own eyes lingering.

“…You look exactly the same.” And that’s not true because Derek actually looks better, but there’s no real way to explain that Stiles hadn’t been able to hold all of the goddamn perfection of Derek’s face in his memory. He’d thought he had, but his eyes keep flitting around now and holding, catching on little details, little rushes of rediscovery in those eyes, that jaw, his teeth, his mouth, his…

Stiles wets his lips, and Derek’s looking again.

“We should––”

“I should have called,” Derek says at the same time, and Stiles blinks, breaking off, confusion pinching his brows because Derek hadn’t known Stiles was coming. He’d had no reason to call. Except… “After… Peter told me what happened, and I…”

“It’s fine.” It wasn’t, but it wasn’t any less fine than anything else from that shit show. It wasn’t any worse than Derek leaving town and getting rid of his phone to begin with.

“I felt sick the whole time you were gone,” Derek presses on, quick and urgent, like the words had been fighting for months to bubble loose and are finally breaking free. “I felt… Cora said it seemed like I’d just… emptied out. On the full moon, I could barely––”

Stop it.” It stung, because he’d thought Derek would care. For the longest time he’d felt like Derek should care, and deciding he didn’t was the first stepping stone to pulling himself together after… after the Benefactor.

Or… fuck, maybe Derek had cared, but he hadn’t cared enough to stay, to keep in contact, to check in when Stiles had needed… needed someone.

No, fuck. Needed him.

“This isn’t the time,” he says, firmly, because a fucking FBI SWAT team is nearby somewhere and there’s still a target painted on Derek’s back, and the fact that Stiles wants to crawl onto his lap and beat the crap out of him at the same time doesn’t matter, because Stiles is here to save his life. Again.

Derek parts his lips, looks like he wants to argue… and ends up just nodding, looking away up the street.

Stiles makes it a whole three steps toward the next corner before swinging back on him, balled fist smacking his bicep.

“Why didn’t you call?”

Derek doesn’t flinch at the blow. Sighs softly. When he meets Stiles’ eyes, the look in them’s enough to send months of coiled anger scattering.

“I would have gone back.”

“…What?” Stiles feels breathless on the word. Derek looks away, hands lost in the depths of his pockets and stance set in the defeated posture of a man with no way to win.

“If I’d heard your voice. If you’d asked. If you’d even sounded anything less than happy––” He grits his teeth, sharp and sudden, head ducking against some ugly thought. “…And I didn’t want to hear you happy, either.” That falls out lower, tight and rough like a secret shame.

“You didn’t want to hear me happy,” Stiles echoes, numb, and then slowly: “Without you.”

And he only understands Derek’s meaning because it’s been echoing in his own chest for over a year–– that stupid, selfish war of wanting to know he’s happy, and not wanting to know he’s happy, not wanting to hear him making a life and finding bliss in a way Stiles couldn’t give him. He’d always wanted to know Derek was doing well, so much that he’d lain up at night sometimes picturing new, bright, sometimes ridiculously corny futures for him… but the thought had always been as agonizing as it was hopeful and Stiles had never slept well afterward. And then he’d spent other nights up hating himself for being selfish enough to half-hope Derek might not be happy.

Might fail out there in the world, and come home.

Derek’s eyes are on his again, wide and shock-soft in a way Stiles had only glimpsed on him once before: the rush of thinking you’re alone in the world and realizing for one beautiful instant that you’re understood

He can feel a matching expression lighting up his own eyes.

“We’re idiots,” he breathes, and Derek shakes his head, barely seeming to feel the movement.

“I couldn’t go back there.”

“But you could have known I fucking missed you as much as––” He breaks off, despite everything suddenly unsure. “…you missed me?”

“I missed you.” Derek promises, not missing a beat.

“You missed me,” Stiles echoes, and it’s everything he never knew he needed to hear. They watch each other for too long, stunned, awed stillness.

And then the slam of a car door in the distance pulls them back; reminds them where they are and what’s happening. Derek blinks away, looking out and alert toward the street, but Stiles can see a faint flush around his ears, a happy pull that won’t quite die on his lips.

“This isn’t the time,” Derek says, and Stiles nods. There are villains to stop. People to save.

“This isn’t the time,” he echoes, but he’s smiling as he turns to head up the street. “Later.”

It sounds like a promise worth keeping.

Chiron in Astrology

Chiron is another ‘infamous’ asteroid, located in between Saturn and Uranus, bridging lessons and structure with change and revolution, and also physical planets (Saturn to sun) to the spiritual and ethereal (Uranus to Pluto)

Like all planetary configurations, Chiron represents another childhood experience that structured a part of our personality.

Chiron from my own personal studies indicated the aspects of us that were rejected by the caregivers and/or other people and conditions surrounding the environment growing up.

These rejected parts of ourselves are then suppressed into the subconscious.

Chiron then shows us the darker voice within ourselves that tell us “You aren’t worthy” and “You’re not good enough at this (sign/house)” - as it became integrated into our personality during childhood.

Suppressed subconscious thinking and programming then becomes a point by where we unwillingly ‘trip ourselves up’ in these aspects of our lives.

This subconscious wound formed due to childhood conditioning (intentional or unintentional) that created patterns in the behaviour that can lead to reoccurring experiences of pain and trauma, that remains 'unhealed’ due to the emotional imprint left behind and the inability to integrate these traumatised aspects of ourselves.

Through our own unhealed wound, the understanding of our own pain can allow us provide healing to others in the area in which we believe we lack.

However, this greatly varies on the level of maturity and consciousness of the individual. Much shadow work on the self and integrating the traumatised aspects of ones own personality is needed before one can even attempt to heal another.

Chiron is almost like our own talent or gift where we have an incredible ability to empower others to heal themselves.

The house area indicates what area of life the wound formed, and the sign dictates how we received this wound, and how we can heal others in this area of life and also the ways in which we can learn to accept and integrate as part of our damaged ‘self’.

We may also often put ourselves down in this area of life, feeling a consistent internal dislike of oneself. However, we may be incredibly talented here also. Others may recognise these talents even though we may continue to reject them.

The 'key’ to Chiron is to recognise these rejected, hurt and wounded parts of ourselves, and use these talents to help heal others, in turn improving our confidence in these life areas ourselves.

This post was specifically written for the house placement of Chiron since itits orbit often fluxes between generations. The signs in essence act differently from the way planets act within areas, so take this into account when reading descriptions to combine your Chiron placement.

Chiron in 1st House (Aries)

Chiron in the 1st house can indicate an individual who’s wound stems from a lack of understanding who they are as an individual. They may feel like they don’t fit in within society. They may feel like their sense of style or their appearance isn’t appealing to others, and they may have a wound surrounding self-confidence issue in regards to their facial or body appearance. This can be a quite self-hating placement in regards to the physical self in particular.

They may also feel like they have no life direction, while everyone around them seems to know where they are going in life and what they are doing, while the Chiron 1st person seems to drift from one place in life to another but not really getting anywhere. This can make them feel quite frustrated and their worth and knowing who they are and where they want to go in life seems to be an endless void, either feeling like their options are limited or theres so much choice its hard to choose any direction.

There may also be some issues around the expression of anger and being assertive. They may desperately want something but can never muster up the passion and drive in order to go get it, then end up loathing themselves for giving up (often because they don’t feel like they are worthy of even trying because there’s a preconceived idea that they won’t get what they desire anyway).

On the flip side, you may feel like you want to achieve your goals as soon as you can, attempting to spin your way through life though only end up becoming frustrated due to your attempt to push against divine timing - if something is meant to happen, it will, there’s no need to feel like you’re running out of time to get things done.

This may have stemmed from not being able to get what they want, when they wanted it in childhood.

They may have also grown up in an environment where any attempts to express anger or aggression was scolded, therefore was repressed into themselves, becoming a subconscious shadow aspect. Now when pushed too far into a situation, they may snap and become quite aggressive and angry, then feel guilty after coming to their senses (particularly in the sign of Aries). They may have witnessed an aggressive or highly defensive parent, and when they confronted this particular parent, they may have had their act of assertion dominated by them, therefore making them feel incapable of standing their ground.

You heal others is by elevating them and encouraging them to head in their life direction. You remind them of who they are and help strengthen their sense of self and identity. You encourage others around you to be assertive and not to let anyone get in their way.

Because Chiron is in your 1st, its there fore everyone to see. People see your battle wounds, and if Chiron is close or conjunct the AC, you then embody and personify the characteristics of the wounded healer. If well aspected, people may recognise you as the ‘wounded healer’, admiring your strength and ability to guide others to better themselves.

There can also be situations where no matter how much others praise and acknowledge your appearance, you may constantly be unhappy with yourself due to the significantly ingrained pattern of only seeing your flaws above your beauty.

You need to learn where you want to go in life by experimenting with different path ways (your astrological chart is obviously a wonderful tool to help!). You incarnated for a reason, and though it may take time and much trial and error, you will find the right direction for you. Don’t be scared to put yourself out there and know that you have an incredible capacity of power and strength within you.


Chiron in 2nd House (Taurus)

Chiron in the 2nd house can indicate an individual who’s wound stems from a lack of self-worth and self value. They may feel like who they are as a person and even their physicality isn’t ‘good enough’. They can’t seem to find worth in themselves and this may make it even difficult to have a strong and healthy value system, where they tend to disregard things that other may deem as being important (check sign as an indicator of what this could be). This may have been due to a parental figure placing more value and worth on something other than the native, often money or other material possessions.

There can also be issues around money and possessions with this placement in general, growing up in a home where they were just scraping by. They may on the other hand, had a parental figure have a hoarding issue, or being rather selfish in what they owned. The native may have be rejected in regards to sharing and there may have been a sense they had to ‘earn’ something before they could receive it, thus their love and care was conditional. Regardless if this person had little to all the money and possessions in the world, they may continue to feel an insisting void of lack within themselves that can’t seemed to be filled by outer  possessions - real value and worth comes from self acceptance and appreciation, not possessions and material resources.

The lack of self worth and self value can be another indicator for perpetual eating disorders, especially if affected from planets such as Saturn/Mars/Pluto - especially if coming from the 6th House. This can cause one to overeat in attempts to feel the void of being unvalued, or under-eat in order to reflect their internal sense of self worth which may be very little. This, as well as a need to have ones own possessions ONLY to themselves, may be derived from a sense of a lack of security in childhood, thus may find security by what they eat and what they have to themselves.  

With this placement, you understand the pain of having low self-worth and self-value. You learn to understand that material possession can never fill the void of emptiness you feel within yourself. Through the mastery of understanding the need for self love and value, you demonstrate to others to heal themselves by showing them their self worth, though you may attempt doing this by deeming yourself less worthy of them. You can teach people that to be loved by another, they must first love themselves. You can show people how to stand on their own two feet when it comes to accumulating what they want and need to appease themselves, and demonstrate that money can’t buy you happiness.

You need to learn that you are worthy of love from others, and you can begin by learning to love yourself and who you are. You are a soul experiencing a physical form, and you must remember you inherit value extends beyond what you can see in the here an now.


Chiron 3rd House (Gemini)

Chiron in the 3rd house can indicate an individual who’s wound stems from issues around learning, schooling, communication and possibly siblings. During the childhood development, you may have experienced an environment where your thoughts and ideas were rejected or suppressed. If you attempted to proclaim your opinion on something, a parental figure may have rejected it or at the worst, made a mockery of your perception on things. This may have mad you fearful about expressing your ideas and opinions in fear of being judged and/or ridiculed by a parental figure. You may have also then avoided even speaking to that particular parental figure who you often felt intellectually inferior to. Perhaps the parent or caregiver may not have even met to be so critical of your thoughts and ideas, nevertheless the sensitivity of a child’s persona took their correction quite personally, leaving a scar on their ability to form their own analysis on things.

Individuals with this placement may have also had learning difficulties in their school life, having great difficulty in certain subjects such as maths and English for example, or any class that required an intellectual understanding and processing. Therefore, you may have had difficulty concentrating in your schooling environment or preferring to work in creative, more practical classes such as art, music, dance, theatre, and so on. This placement may also manifest things such as speech impediments, difficulty in pronouncing certain words, learning difficulties, and sometimes lisps.

If your placement is particularly subsiding in the 3rd house, you may have ex-refined childhood wounding around rejection or feeling dissociated in your immediate environment/neighbourhood. You may have felt like you as an individual (or possibly your whole family), felt rejected in your society amongst your peers. They may have pointed out something about you that was particularly unusual and/or different, and you may have felt unsafe or uncomfortable in your neighbourhood because of that.

The 3rd house in particular often relating to siblings may indicate strong sibling rivalry and/or feeling ‘below’ another sibling. Your parents may have in fact (or seemed to) give far more attention, love and praise to another one of your siblings, making you feel somewhat inferior to them. There’s also the possibility however, if your Chiron is well aspected in your 3rd house, you may have found comfort and healing from your sibling.

With this placement, you understand what it’s like to not feel heard, to not have your ideas and opinions acknowledged and what its like to have difficulty comprehending something. Chiron brings healing ability through speech and communication. You may in time, once you’ve come to acknowledge your Chiron wound, find yourself with a strong capability to bring healing to others through your words. This may be informal communication methods such a using social media as a platforms to express your ideas and opinions, and while you may put yourself down in your intellectual capabilities, Chiron gives you the capacity to become quite intelligent once you apply yourself to what you are passionate about learning and/or expressing. You can deliver a powerful and healing message to others that can bring them great healing on their own ability to verbally state their thoughts, ideas and options without fear.

You need to learn that you are intelligent and an effective communicator. It’s ok to not have opinions accepted by others, after all, we a all individual manifestations of source, and to learn who we are, we need someone to reject and reflect our ideas, thoughts and options back at us so we can know who WE are. Your thoughts and ideas are valid, and there will always be like minded people to converse with. Let go of the fear of judgement of what others may think of what you say, for what you say may be just the right thing another needs to hear.


Chiron 4th House (Cancer)

Chiron in the 4th house can indicate an individual who’s wound is derived from a feeling of a rejection or emotional discord in the home environment, an unstable home and/or family environment, feeling like an outsider from the family and/or not having secure foundations growing up.

As a child, you may have had parental figures that felt (or was) absent. This can be emotional and physical absence. You may not have received the love, care and nurture needed from the parental figure(s) growing up which left a persistent internal wound of not being able to feel like one can belong anywhere or with anyone. This may lead to behavioural patterns such as being overly attached and clinging onto those who seem to have the capacity to provide you the security and comfort you crave, or being completely ‘under’ attached, not allowing people to get too closely emotionally involved with you.

Essentially this stems from the same or similar root cause of witnessing your parents instability with one another. This instability then formed a subconscious self protection mechanism whereby you either seek comfort and security from others, making it very difficult for you to let go - even when its not a healthy situation. You may tell yourself “This person is providing me a house/place to stay/love and emotional connection/a sense of security - though all the while may be treating you very poorly in all other areas. Your desire for security is so high that you can lower your standards greatly simply to feel some sort of security.

On the flip side, if you witnessed your parents being quite unstable in their own interactions with one another or towards yourself, you may refrain from allowing anyone too close to you due to the lack of trust you’ve accumulated for others. You would rather recluse inside your own safe shell where no one can see or feel your emotional scarring.

With this placement, there may be a particular issue revolving around the mother figure.

In relation to the home environment, you may not have had a secure home growing up, moving from one place to the next, or couch surfing at friends or other family members homes. In other extremes, you may not have even felt comfortable or ‘at home’ in your birth country, feeling out of place or that your weren’t comfortable about your own culture.

Your Chiron wound gives you the ability to provide a safe and secure environment for other people. You instinctively know how to care and nurture others, and may also have a high intuitive ability that allows you you to quickly pick up on the emotional wounds of others. You can provide care and protection for others, though may find it quite difficult to allow yourself to receive these things from others. You may set the bar quite high when it comes to trusting others and allowing them into your personal space, though often at times your empathy and resonance with the emotional wounds of others may prompt you to take the unitive to ‘bandage’ and care for their wound while putting your own aside.

You need to learn that you are are worthy of being cared for and nurtured by others. You do not need to assume the responsibility as the caretaker of others if its not also in your highest good. You need to learn when it is and when it is not ok to allow people into your personal space. You have an underlying acute emotional sensitivity and thus you need to be aware of who you allow in your life and personal space. You may assume the most toxic people require the most care, but you may at times disregard how this will affect you. Learn where your boundaries are most comfortable for you and don’t be afraid to allow people to care for you. You are worthy to feel apart of a family environment and a safe and secure home.


Chiron 5th House (Leo)

Chiron in the 5th house can indicate an individual who’s wound stems from issues around a sense of rejection of self expression and creativity, or possibly a sense of a lack of fun and play growing up.

As a child, one (or perhaps even both) of your parental figures and caregivers rejected or suppressed your urge for self creative expression. You may have felt like anything you took particular enjoyment in as a hobby, games, and ways of expressing who you are wasn’t acknowledged or praised by your caregiver(s). An example could possibly be someone who enjoyed expressing themselves through the art of tattoos, piercing and dying their hair unusual colours. The parental figure(s) may have scolded this and made you feel as though you weren’t allowed to express yourself in a creative way of your choice. Another possible example could be through sports, where your caregivers didn’t allow you to play due to their desires and wished being imposed on you. Any activity in which you had the option to choose to express yourself was rejected or suppressed is ultimately a part of this Chiron wound.

This may now manifest as a fear to attempt to express yourself in any creative way you desire. You may fear the same rejection of your own unique creative expression, and will only attempt to if you know that an audience will receive it well. You may think to yourself “I want to create this and share it with the world…but what if no one likes it?…what if people get angry at me for what I’ve created?…What if people laugh or make fun of something I create or do?” - Shame and fear of rejection then takes over, therefore limiting yourself from creating what your truly desire, while also taking away the possible opportunity for your own unique and creative expression to be praised and applauded by those who in fact enjoy what you can create, do and express.

Chiron in the 5th has also been linked to difficulties baring children. This is not due to the placement of Chiron in this house itself, but instead due to deeper psychological wounds experienced in childhood. There is a direct relation to how the subconscious mind affects the body, and if a female in particular experienced a childhood where she did not feel safe, cared for or nurtured, her subconscious mind may affirm to her body that “It is not safe to bare children for I had experienced rejection growing up, therefore I refuse to subject another to this environment”. If the woman is able to affirm to herself that her child wound in fact experience a safe and loving environment, her subconscious may then allow her to open  to conceiving a child. Transits from benific planets such as Jupiter however, will greatly enhance the individuals luck for conceiving a child, regardless of the Chiron wound (as seen through my own studies).

You may have had your parent(s) impose their idea of fun and enjoyment onto you, in which you had to abide to. For example, an individual with a parent who was highly enthusiastic about sports may have signed them up to participate in many after school sports activities, when the child hated sports but loved acting. The parent(s) may have believed they were nurturing the child giving them the experience they never had (or had too much of) and attempt to live that through the child. The child then had to participate in the parents fun and games and suppress their own desire for fun and enjoyment.

With this wound, you have great ability to encourage others to open up to their true authentic self. You know how to motivate people and give them the own sense of special, individual power and sense of desire to be who they are, regardless of what anyone else things. You’re quite happy to put others up onto a pedestal and encourage them on from the sidelines in whatever they want to do. You have great ability to be the role model for authentic expression if you can overcome the fear of those who may reject you for who and how you want to express yourself.

You need to learn that no ones opinion of you matters, and that you are free to express yourself however you so desire. Get that tattoo, play your favourite sport, make a confronting artwork - authenticity is absolutely liberating, and you must remember that EVERYONE is unique and there will always be someone who’s not going to like you for who you are or what you do. Remember that we are a soul having a human experience, and we are all part of an energetic whole - we NEED contrast to know who we are. And remember that those who attempt to put you down for how you express yourself are simply scared of being confronted by a sense of confidence and power they don’t posses. Insecurity leads to others dragging you down to their level because they are too afraid to rise up to be as empowered as you. Learn not to fear who you are and express yourself to the upmost 100% - you have the power to do so.


Chiron in the 6th House (Virgo)

Chiron in the 6th house can indicate an individual who’s wound may have been accumulated from an illness experienced in childhood (by you or perhaps another family member whereby you had to care for them), having too many responsibilities placed onto you too early in life, absent parental figures due to work, and difficulty in the working environment in general.

Growing up you may not have got to experience much of a childhood filled with fun and play due to responsibilities being assumed onto you at a very early age. This may be due to having to care for a sickly parent (as mentioned above), working with the parent or in a another job to support the home life and family, and/or taking care of the home and family life instead due to the parent(s) often being at work. This may manifest in your current life is a fear of letting things get out of your own established routine and order. You may greatly dislike assuming responsibility onto others because you’ve grown up to feel like “I can take care of myself/I’m the only one who knows how to do this/no one else does it correctly as I do/I need to take the responsibility for caring for others because I know how to do it the best ect”. This can stem from a fear of what almost resonates as a lack of control of your day-to-day life. If you experienced a home/living environment where everything was out of place OR that everything had a perfect place, you now have a need to make a set routine that feels safe to you. You may not like to breech you day-to-day life for any means necessary because of a deep rooted need for wanting everything to have a certain place and time so you find safety in the predictability of things.

In relation to the aspect of health, you may have often become sick as a child or may have manifested a  lifestyle disease. To compensate, you may attempt to follow set diet plan such as paleo or veganisim and/or consume copious amounts of vitamin pills - all the while perhaps avoiding exercise. You may overcompensate in one area to make an excuse for another area of health you tend to neglect. On the flip side, you can be so obsessive about taking care of other people that your own health often ‘falls on the way side’ due to self neglect. This placement can show a person who provides tremendous care and service to others, but may often be to their own detriment.

With this placement, you can be a fantastic healer to others, especially in regards to applying physical healing (massage) or simply through your service to others. You can be a fantastic help to people in all practical manners, however don’t go overboard to the point where in helping others you’re neglecting yourself.

You need to learn that you are worthy of good health and you don’t have to be over critical of yourself. Remember the universe made you perfect exactly as you are and there’s no need to aim to achieve the ‘perfect’ standards of other people - they are not you and you are not them - the universe made you unique as you are and you are perfect and complete just as yourself. Use your ability for proficiency to help others achieve their goals and bring healing through your amazing selfless service.


Chiron in the 7th House (libra)

Chiron in the 7th house can indicate an individual who’s wound may stem from observing a disharmonious relationship between your parental figures growing ip, thus hindering your perspective of how relationships function, what you search for in a relationship and questioning your worthiness of being in a relationship with someone.

With this placement, if you experienced witnessing your parents having difficulty in a relationship - such as conflict, arguments and unfairness - your perception of relationships and marriage in general may be wounded. Because of this, you may not believe that marriages or long term relationships are made to last, simply because of a subconscious fear of repeating the same or similar disharmonious unbalance between your caregivers growing up. You may have convinced yourself that you have an inability to somewhat distrust the relationship partner in a projected fear that a conflict or turn of events will occur that will disrupt your relationship. Due to this subconscious belief, you may act out as the the projected fear has already manifested - meaning that your believe that the relationship will end so you act as though it already has, becoming cold and distant from the partner as if mourning the ended relationship, even though everything was panning out just fine! By doing this, your partner then may sense you becoming cold and distant, thus ending the relationship due to feeling neglected - this then ‘confirms’ your feelings, even though it was your subconscious actions that manifested this to occur in the first place! If you have a tendency to do this, aim to become conscious of this and take an objective look at the relationship. Question everything you can physically SEE in the now. Don’t project your thoughts and fears into the future by pulling up wounds of the past. You are not your parents, and you have the capacity to change the nature of how your relationships pan out for you are always in control of your reality.

Another manifestation of this placement is that you may attract relationship partners with a strong Chiron placement, carrying a wound that is in need of healing. If your Chiron is well aspected, you may have great potential to heal the wound of your relationship partner by being their supportive shoulder whenever they need you. Be aware of any tendencies to be attracted to heavily emotionally wounded people - especially if your Chiron placement is afflicted. While you may have the capacity to heal people in relationships, it may not be in your highest good to tend to heavily distraught people. Always act in your highest good, and sometimes this may involve leaving a toxic relationship that doesn’t serve you. You do not owe anything to anyone, and you have the freewill to leave a painful relationship and free yourself from disharmony and unfairness.

With Chiron in the 7th, their may also be a subconscious fear of being loved and accepted by others. You may do, say and act in certain ways to ensure that people will love and accept you, for your fear of being alone may often at times overpower your rational thinking and actions. Sometimes you may do and say things you don’t really mean in fear of being rejected by another person. This doesn’t even have to be over something critical, it may be as simple as saying”no” to a friends request of you. For example, a friend may approach you and ask “Hey, could you do x, y and z for me?” - you may be busy with your own chores and projects, though you accept your friends requests for the fear of saying “no” to them may lead to them rejecting you - though this is hardly ever the case at all! If you expend your energy on excess things for others that you simply can’t handle at the time, this may lead you to feeling overwhelmed, used and somewhat resentful of the other - even though you offered to do it in the first place! Take consideration of whether or not YOU want to do something for someone, never act on the basis of thinking your “should” do something for someone else. The universe has given us all the power of freewill, and you should never feel subservient to another in a need for approval for connection. If you a are strong and confident in yourself, then people will automatically drawn to you as a whole person - not a half person, after all, we teach people how to treat us.

You have great capacity to heal other through one-on-one interactions with them, offering support and advise, and simply by being a supportive shoulder for another. You know how to make others feel loved and accepted, and you must know you are worthy of these things also. You must learn you do not have to give into others, and you are as worthy of being supported and cared for as you are. Find balance in your relationships with others - don’t give too little or too much, find a happy medium whereby you and your partner are giving the relationship the same level love, care, attention and affection it needs. If you feel unbalanced in your relationship, you have every right to move on. You are worthy of a healthy, loving relationship.


Chiron 8th House (Scorpio)

Chiron in the 8th house can indicate an individual who’s wound may stem from deep interrelations with others, deep psychological trauma that the individual hides away from others, issues around death and wounding around sex and perhaps sexuality in general.

Chiron in the 8th house, especially of difficulty aspected by other planets can be one of the harshest placement for chiron, but can also manifest and incredibly powerful and transformative healer.

During childhood, you may have experienced a traumatic event around death in general. This may have been loosing a family member or friend early in life, and you were taught very early on what death was and the nature of it. It may have even been experienced by losing a family pet. Regardless of how you experienced the nature of death, you may have quickly understood it and thus either quickly overcoming your fear of death or depending on how your Chiron is aspected, this placement may have manifested deeper psychological fears around it. Chrion in the 8th/scorpio can produce a powerful shamanic healer when positively utilised in associating with others. You can greatly help people dive to the darkest hidden places of their subconscious minds, grasping their deep rooted fears before resurfacing and displaying the wound to the individual to be understood, accepted and healed. If you harness the power of your own psychological fears and shadow self, and incorporate it into yourself, completing fragmented aspected of your personality, you will radiate a strong sense of sharmanic transformative power and have great capacity to heal others and complete themselves.

At times, you may often struggle with your own fears and past psychological traumas/wounds, thus manifesting a strong sense of clairsentience and empathy towards others. You know pain - but that pain can be your greatest power and tremendously beneficial to others if you so choose to utilise it.

You may also have fears of being abandoned by others, which may manifest subconscious behaviours in which you can act quite obsessive and possessive over the people you love and care about. If you find yourself acting in this way, I personally encourage you to engage in shadow work and uprooting the core event that you may have experienced as a child. (You may wish to listen to Theta or third eye frequency meditation music to help). Once you are deep in meditation, ask yourself “When was the first time I ever felt abandoned?”. Let any images, sounds, thoughts or feelings come to you. They may arise as memory or an abstraction. Don’t dismiss whatever comes to you, allow it to flow and observe. Allow yourself to acknowledge any past hurst of feeling abandoned and recognise that you do not have to repeat these patterns in your present moment. Do not project your past traumas into your present or future. Take a good look around you and acknowledge what you can SEE/FEEL/TOUCH in the present moment. If you cling too hard to another, they will eventually want to break free - thus manifesting your own sense of abandonment into your reality.

Chiron in the 8th/Scorpio can also react to deep wounds surrounded sex and sexuality *For the sake of this public post, if you have this placement and wish to discus Chiron and sexual woundings, feel free to DM me to discuss in privacy*

Chiron in the 8th has tremendous healing power and you need to learn that although past trauma may have been overwhelming to you in someway on your psychological health, you can heal yourself though channelling your power into the healing of others. You can dive greatly into the depths of the subconscious mind and even beyond the view of the 4th dimension, though take care as to not dive so deep when you don’t have to. Sometimes its much healthier to lay down your ability for diving deep to experience the reality of the now - especially at times when fears of the past or future come crawling into the forefront of your mind. Know that you have the power to create your reality and that past hurts can not hurt you anymore and that the future doesn’t have to manifest that same trauma as experienced in the past. You have tremendous power to heal, use it to the best of your ability.


Chiron in the 9th House (Sagittarius)

Chiron in the 9th house can indicate an individual who’s wound may be derived from growing up in an environment where religious ideals and/or certain beliefs about life, spirituality and the world in general may have been imposed on you during childhood, skewing your world perception, ability to have faith and optimism and feeling closed in on what’s truly possible in the world.

You may have had certain ideals and spiritual beliefs imposed on you as a child, and depending whether you resonated with these beliefs or not determined how you perceived the possibilities in life. If beliefs such as “The world is a scary place” or “If you do x, y, z, a higher power will punish you”, you may have felt fearful as a child about the world outside of your own beliefs. You may have felt like you should act accordingly to what you’ve been taught, or on the flip side in rejection of those imposed beliefs, you may have felt incredibly alone on your own spiritual journey.

You may have felt a sense of abandonment or disconnect with the universe, often feeling like it’s energies never seemed to work in your favour. You may feel like your current life needs to have a higher meaning external and more grand than what it already is.

You may also have a great desire to manifest, learn or experience something, though you may have difficulty manifesting that thing into your reality due to the extremity of the nature of what you desire to achieve (example, attempting levitation but not being able to achieve it). These extreme ideas, concepts and beliefs that seem out of your reach can make you second guess yourself, especially when you can’t achieve them in your reality. You can question your own beliefs and may at times feel like what you truly believe in is nonsense and you’re fooling yourself - this may not be the case, though you’re ability to have faith, optimism and recognise true spiritual experiences may be blocked by your projection of a certain, even grand expectation of what you believed in. To truly witness profound spiritual experiences, you need to let go of any expectations of what you’ve asked for.

For example, you may use the Law of Attraction to manifest something into your life (e.g, a certain mobile phone you desire) and may not experience it in your current reality then feel disappointed - the reality may simply be the fact that you don’t BELIVE you’ll manifest the phone you want (which is a crucial step in the Law of Attraction), and feeling crushed by your belief, abandon it and perhaps even ridiculing yourself for it.

You need to recognise when you’re beliefs about yourself and the world around you are either helping you or hindering you. If you believe that the world is a difficult place to live in, then it will be so, for you’ll only perceive the negative experiences in life over the positive. If you believe the world can be improved, you may have the ability to change the way the world works from your perspective. Chiron in the 9th’s gift is that of being the ‘wounded’ teacher. Its the placement of the wise Sage who understands how to mend the self using ones own belief system to do so, while also incorporating spiritual teachings and practices to benefit others. You can be a guiding figure on the path of enlightenment to others due to your knowledge of what it means to have faith in something higher that connects us all.

Always remember that you can look at the glass half empty, half full - and also 100% full - half of the glass may be water, though the other half is filled with air. Have faith that there is something beyond what the eyes can see that connects us to everything in the universe.


Chiron 10th House (Capricorn)

Chiron in the 10th house can indicate an individual who’s wound may stem from issues, events and relations towards the father figure, goals and aspirations your wish to achieve in life and your public image.

Chiron in the 10th house (as well as other aspects included) may indicate that you may have experienced difficult relations around your father figure in general. You may have perceived your father not to be the ideal role model you wished to follow in life (reasons may stem around the sign/house Chiron in placed in and also aspects to Chiron). Your relationship with your father may have even been quite healthy (depending on aspects), however there may have been an underlying sense that “I like you, but I don’t want to be like you”. Depending on how harshly Chiron is aspected in the 10th house, the father figure may have even been absent in the nursing environment growing up - however - if Chiron is positively aspected, you may have even seen your father figure as THE wounded healer in one way or another.

Another possible manifestation was that you felt dominated or subjected to working under another - either the father figure or other authorities in general. Other people may have seemed to pave your path for you, giving you very little freedom to follow your own life vocation. Perhaps even if you did feel like you had the choice to find a fulfilling career, you may not even know exactly what you want to do. This can make you feel quite aimless in life, and then refer to simply handing your personal power back over to others to make the career/work choice for you. You may have difficulty establishing what you want to do and where you want to go in life, and may continuously stop and start your goals but never seem to experience any true progression. You may begin many pathways until finding something you truly wish to follow.

You may have also ended up becoming the springboard for other peoples success, and they may not even given you any recognition for doing so.

If you felt like your parental figures were limited or expansive in their own ambitions and goals, you may place an emphasis on them yourself, to the point where you can possibly overwork yourself and become too tired to complete your goals. You may desire to gain some form of authority and/or control in your life, and in attempts to feel fulfilled and recognised for your success, you may burden yourself with problems and issues outside of your abilities or expertise. You may attempt to ‘help’ a friend by taking control over their own projects, though in doing this you limit the other and burden yourself with he responsibilities of another that wasn’t ever yours in the first place.

You have tremendous capacity to help others achieve their goals and aspirations in life, and due to the shamanic nature of Chiron, you may even find a career and/or life vocation surrounding themes of helping other people find their own life purpose and career. If you possess the 10th house placement, look to the sign your Chiron is in to establish how you may be a guide for others (this could be from a career councillor, public speaker to a tarot reader - they are all forms of inspiration, leadership and guidance!).

You have tremendous capacity for building structures and foundations to help life others up towards thiner desired goals, and you also know how to hold things together for other people in a crisis situation.

You need to learnt that in helping others, you don’t need to take the control for them, you simply need to guide. Do not burden yourself with a responsibilities of others as they can become far too overbearing in the long haul for you. You may even need to ask yourself WHY you want to take responsibility and feel such drive to achieve great things - because you don’t need to prove anything to anyone other than to yourself. You are your own leader and your own sense of value and sense of self respect will allow you to bring healing to yourself and to others.


Chiron in the 11th House (Aquarius)

Chiron in the 11th house can indicate an individual who’s wound may be derived from feeling rejected in  society and friendship groups, feeling as if you don’t fit in anywhere because of your own unique eccentricities or even feeling your interests, ways of self expression and things you enjoy seem to always lead to being labeled by others.

Chiron in the 11th can show that things you may be talented at or what truly makes you unique and special is often flipped onto its head when expressed as part of a group. For example, if your an actor, you may simply seen as ‘the actor in the show’ rather than ‘the actor that played ___’. You feel as though your talents and what makes you unique and inventive is often glazed over, and others may even criticise you for supposedly being unoriginal or copying the ideas and expressions of someone else - and you may not have even heard of those people! You may then feel reluctant to attempt to express your unique, individual and creative ideas and fear that you’ll be rejected for them for either being ‘too out there’ or ‘the same as everyone else’. You can feel quite alienated by society for your unique understand and interpretation of things. While there may be others out there that believe that what you express is an act of pure genius, you may not even attempt to, simply due to the fear of ridicule.

Because of the unique way you do things, you may be seen as a rebel by others for not following the system as everyone else does - even though the way you do things may be 10x better than how others do it - they may attempt to convert you into doing things the ‘right way’, simply because the feel threatened by the thought of someone rebelling/challenging the norm or bringing something new to the table that conflicts with tradition.

If this is the case for you, DO NOT let others opinions and attempts to convert you to sway you and your ideas. If it works for you, then continue to follow and express your own unique way of doing things. When people feel threatened by the genius of others, mockery may seem to follow due to the others persons inability to rise to your level .The only option is to drag you down to theirs. Don’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep! There will always be someone out in the wide world who will recognise your genius if you let go of the fear of ridicule and express yourself EXACTLY how you so choose. If they label you as unoriginal, you know in yourself that you hold an inventive spark others could only dream of possessing - own it, flaunt it, live it!

You have great ability to encourage and inspire others to express their own eccentricities, unique ideas and make them feel part of a larger community. You have great capacity to bring people together as a collaborative and welcoming community by showing them that its ok for them to be themselves. You can become and anchor point where others flock to you for inspiration and to see the unique way you do things and express yourself. You’re allowed to be 100% yourself no matter what others think, and there will always be someone out there who will appreciate you just for that.


Chiron in the 12th House (Pisces)

Chiron in the 12th house can indicate an individual who’s wound may stem from a sense of being alone and secluded from the world, feeling victimised or martyred, or perhaps not even being conscious of even having an emotional wound.

Particularly if Chiron is placed in the 12th house, you may not even be aware of any childhood wounds that were implemented in the nurturing environment. This is due to the 12th house nature of blurring the boundaries and borders of reality, thus can even involve a suppressed emotional wound that was mistaken for something such as a dream or a reoccurring nightmare (depending on the aspects of Chiron, this will dictate the extent of the emotional wound).

The wound here is often related to things such as emotional abandonment, thus feeling a need to completely ‘merge’ with another through being quite close to and dreamy about another, such as a ‘potential’ lover.  You may do, say and act in ways that are unauthentic to yourself in attempts to connect with those around you - simply because your subconscious mind is directing you in fear of that sense of being alone.

If you experienced something particularly traumatic in childhood (the entire natal chart will need to be taken in to account), you may feel victimised by life and that the world around you isn’t a safe place to be. This could result in thing such a often secluding yourself away from the world by any means necessary (e.g., hiding in bathroom stalls during lunch breaks), not going out with friends much, and rarely, if ever, letting people into your personal space (such as your bedroom in particular). Even though the desire to be alone may be quite strong, the sense of loneliness you experiences can make you feel addicted to another person at time when you do feel safe and secure, thus creating the urge to completely merge with them. You’re boundaries for the unwell may be quite weak due to your hyper sensitivity and sense of tremendous empathy, whereby you feel as though its justifiable to allow these toxic people to enter you life - only for them to cause havoc and leave again. You may then fall into he pattern of self-victimisation of having let that person into your life. You may blame yourself, or at the worst, blame the other person.

You may also felt wounded by your connection with the Divine, especially during times when you were in any kind of emotional, physical or mental pain. You may have deeply desired to connect with source, though you may have felt the lack of responsiveness when you desired divine guidance more than anything was ignored, you may have questioned yourself - “If there is a God, then why did x, y, z happen to me!?”.

Its part of the souls journey and progress to face hardships and pain in order to progress and evolve, some more than others. The incredible power that these people can manifest if they choose (yes, choose) to overcome their hardships is the most earthly representation of true divine power.

If you have experienced much pain in your life, this placement is a prime indicator that you are capable of being a tremendous psychic healer if you so choose to channel your abilities into a healthy outlet. You may discern who you allow into your life for your own highest good. Your intuition for healing is incredibly high, and you may even by the type of person who’s hands (palm chakras) become hot/itchy when around people who are in need of healing. If you so choose, you could also learn and perform spiritual healing methods, such as energy healing (Theta and Reiki) as a way to channel your desire to heal others in a healthy way. This is one of the most influential and powerful places for a reiki master due to their ability to connect with universal energies and channel it into Chiron’s ability to heal any wound.

You need to learn that you have the power to heal yourself through healing others if you so choose, and it’s also ok to say “no”to people and allow others to help them, especially when your own health and wellbeing is threatened. You need to know that you don’t need to soul search for another to make to feel whole, complete and connected to divine energy, you are worthy as who you are and you don’t need to change to appease others. You don’t need to escape from the world around you out of fear of the unknown, there will always be people around you who can help you when you feel scared or alone, you simply have to take the small step to reach out for assistance. There will be someone for you who will be sensitive to your needs and wounds, and you’ll know when its safe to completely open as yourself. Always remember that we are all connected and so you’re never alone in how you think or feel, so don’t be afraid to show it.

* For a full natal chart reading, check this link and follow the description: https://ellie-mae-astrology.tumblr.com/post/165058957657/astrological-consultations

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anonymous asked:

this is a silly question, but what do you mean, "the flavor profiles might have shifted?"

Not at all silly! I’m referring to the fact that changes in manufacturing processes, ingredients, and breeding of both flora and fauna mean that the food we eat today may taste significantly different from the food of 100 years ago and yet we still refer to it by the same name.

The most well-known example of this, of course, is the Gros Michel/Cavendish issue; until the 1950s, Gros Michel bananas were the most common export, but now mostly in the US we eat Cavendish bananas, which have a different flavor. Cooking with Gros Michel and Cavendish bananas are going to get you different end results because they taste different; Rex Stout’s banana bread won’t taste like Sam Starbuck’s, and also any seasoning in the recipe (spices, etc) is aimed at complimenting the Gros Michel, and may not work as well on the Cavendish. (This is in theory, I don’t know if he has a banana bread recipe or if it was written pre or post Cavendish.) 

The same goes for a lot of fruits and vegetables – we haven’t necessarily changed breeds but we’ve certainly begun aggressively breeding for flavor or size or color, and we’ve also begun importing from hundreds or thousands of miles away, affecting freshness and flavor along the way. Which means a tomato today is a different beast from the tomato of fifty years ago. 

In one of the Nero Wolfe short stories, Wolfe gives a recipe for corn: roasted in the hottest possible oven for forty minutes, husked at the table, and served with only butter, salt, and pepper, “it is ambrosia”. But that’s for corn grown at a farm less than three hours from Wolfe’s home, picked less than half a day before it was cooked, and picked by hand just as it came fully ripe – Wolfe knows there’s something wrong and solves a murder because one delivery of his corn is of poor quality (too old, and picked too far previously). Stout acknowledges in his recipe that it’s unrealistic to be able to get corn like that, but corn grown from different strains, picked in Mexico, sorted by machine and shipped to Chicago where it sits in a misting box on a shelf for a few days before I buy it and take it home, that’s going to taste different. I’m not slamming the globalization of food (though elements of it are certainly an issue), but it’s simply a fact: they won’t taste the same. My corn, due to breeding and preservation techniques, might even taste better! But it will be a different taste. And when you’re dealing with the delicacy of flavor that Rex Stout often does, that can cause real issues. 

This extends to all kinds of things. Flour is milled differently now, and made from different grains; most things that used sugar cane or sugar beet sweetening prior to 1970 now use high fructose corn syrup (though this is a trend that is slowly reversing). Processed foods, like macaroni and cheese boxes or Cheerios or Jello, have changed ingredients to improve flavor or ease of cooking or health benefits to the people who eat them. Meat is fed differently (beef being fed primarily on corn because it bulks cows up like crazy is the most evident example) and that affects the flavor of the meat, too.

This gets even more bonkers the deeper you go. The reason modern recipes, especially baking recipes, often call for both butter and milk is that they used to call for cream, but people stopped buying cream and started buying lower fat milk, so now you have to use your lower-fat milk plus butter added to simulate cream. A recipe that called for cream was less likely to be made when people stopped buying cream, and new recipes in the second half of the 20th century were primarily the province of ad companies, who wanted you to buy their product and cook with it. If people were more likely to cook with a product that used butter and milk instead of cream, the ad companies would design recipes that way. 

So if you’re looking at a recipe from before the 1980s or so, understand that the recipe is designed with ingredients that might be vastly different from, and yet share a name with, the ingredients of today. Which affects the flavor of the finished product.  

Time travel is so weird, am I right? 

If you enjoy reading about food history, consider passing me a ko-fi!

Draco Malfoy Headcanons
  • At five, he named every single peacock. Every. Single. Peacock. Lucius called him foolish. Narcissa smiled. Both choked on their tea when during a light lunch in the garden, one peacock pecked another aggressively, and five-year-old Draco sprung up on his chair and shouted, “Bad Severus! Bad! Time-out!” 
  • He grew up a lonely child - doted on and loved, but lonely. There was the occasional visit from his father’s associates and their children, mostly Crabbe and Goyle, but they were more pawns than friends, bigger, dumber children to boss around. 
  • Later (too late), he’ll realize this and will learn regret for what could’ve been, if he had actually treated them like friends
  • He played pretend often as a child. Usually, he was the prince, the hero. But sometimes he was the dragon, wrecking everything in his path.
  • He can’t function without coffee in the morning. 
  • He cries when Minister for Magic Kingsley Shacklebolt declares him not-guilty and freed of all charges. 
  • The manor becomes a thing of fear and horror to Draco after the war, his memories of home forever tarnished by Voldemort’s presence, by the monstrosities that happened there. He can’t show his face in the Wizarding World without fear of being ambushed, or, at the very least, looked upon with hatred and disgust. He starts visiting a muggle village near the manor, where nobody knows him or his past and he can be anyone. 
  • The more time he spends around muggles the more he realizes his parents were wrong - how could anyone who could create all of this without magic be useless or unintelligent? And the nice girl at the coffee shop who smiles at him every day and asks him how he is when she doesn’t have to, could just hand him his coffee and move on, can’t be a waste of space, she just can’t
  • Lucius finds out where he’s spending his time. They get into a huge fight - their only real fight because Draco had always been a good son, he prided himself on being a good son. It’s the first time he ever raises his voice to his father. It’s the first time his father strikes - truly strikes - him, open palm, across the face, and something that had already been frayed between them breaks in two. 
  • Draco leaves home. 
  • He returns to Hogwarts to get his NEWTs because he’s already starting off on the bottom rung with Death Eater stamped on his back - uneducated will be the death of him. 
  • He learns to hate the name Malfoy and repels everything to do with it. 
  • He joins healer training after Hogwarts, with so many ‘Outstanding’ N.E.W.Ts behind him, St. Mungo’s can’t turn down his application. 
  • But that doesn’t stop his trainers and co-workers from making his life an absolute hell, doing everything they can to make him quit. That doesn’t stop the looks they and the patients alike give him, distrust and disgust. He does not quit. He works harder than he’s ever worked at anything in his life because he’s finally found a purpose, a real purpose - to make others feel a little less broken than he does on a daily basis, to fix them because he doesn’t know how to fix himself. 
  • It’s not redemption. It’s not an apology. He just wants to help, be a better him, for once in his life. 
  • And yes, the first time a patient pukes on him, he almost quits, because puke in his shoes, but he doesn’t. 
  • And he’s brilliant at it. He destroys at healer training. Becomes the greatest healer St. Mungo’s has. And suddenly, people aren’t avoiding him any longer, but asking for him, requesting him. 
  • He earns the title of Potions Master - a very prestigious, difficult title only awarded to the best. 
  • He creates potions not only for St. Mungo’s, but also for smaller, free clinics, for people who can’t afford St. Mungo’s. 
  • He single-handedly revolutionizes healing potions as the wizarding world knows them. 
  • He carries lollipops in the pocket of his healer robes for children patients. 
  • He has a son - Scorpius Hyperion - who takes the last name Malfoy, just like he had when he came into this world. 
  • He stops hating the name Malfoy and instead decides to change what it stands for, make it more than it ever was. Make it a name his son can be proud to own. 

Send me a character/pairing for headcanons

Yall know the drill. 5 miles, BNHA episode recap

  • Every single one of my Group Project With Terrible Group Members anxieties was on fire within 30 seconds of this episode
  • Me, quietly, under my breath: Clearly Deku is trying to do the work it’s his partner who’s not helping tell the teacher Deku deserves an A its not his fault hes in a shitty group.
  • For real this is almost a tongue-in-cheek commentary on schools handling bullying. Turns to the person clearly only being victimized who’s done nothing wrong. “Now I think you BOTH need to work on your get-along skills hmmm?”
  • They sure like to name episodes as “[Character name]: Origin”
  • I really like how Shonen Logic:tm: works where characters can be smashed through buildings and be fine, but Bakugou whapping Deku in the nose with his stupid gauntlet leaves Deku wincing on the ground.
  • and by “really like” i mean “im really fucking hurt. Deku looked so hurt he didnt deserve that”
  • Look at him. Look at him he didnt deserve that. Someone please kick Bakugou’s ass.
  • Status update: the rest of the episode is All Might kicking Bakugou’s ass. Nice. Prick.
  • Bakugou: [yells]
    Deku: [yelling] stop yelling!
  • All Might proceeds to shut Bakugou up. Nice All Might good job listening.
  • I’m so happy for All Might. He’s having the best time being a villain. You know he’s giggling like a five year old on the inside you know it. He gets to just break shit and be evil. I love it.
  • [Obligatory Sans Undertale joke]
  • OKAY SO ALL MIGHT’S NOT FUCKING AROUND ALRIGHTY THIS IS FINE.
  • HI WELCOME TO U.A. THE TOP SCHOOL IN THE WORLD OUR CURRICULUM IS BEATING THE ABSOLUTE FUCKING PULP OUT OF YOUR CHILDREN ANY QUESTIONS?
  • That’s not even hyperbole Bakugou got his breakfast beaten right out of him RIP Bakugou yikes
  • NGL the changing angle made it look for a moment like All Might impaled Deku with that fence and like….little dark, All Might.
  • “You will be my successor Midoriya when I pass the torch on oh shit fuck right you needed those internal organs. Ive lived without mine so long I forgot they were there. My bad. ……Should I move the fence?”
  • Bakugou: “I’m going to beat All Might with my own two fists!”
    All Might:
    -punches Bakugou’s breakfast right out of him-
    Bakugou: “Never mind!!!! Turns out I suck!!! Test canceled!!! I quit!!!”
  • Deku: -slugs Bakugou- listen u shit I’m not throwing away my A for this.
  • “We still have to fight All Might!!” Okay Vomit-Mouth.
  • Poor Deku, for the whole alley scene. Bakugou’s just fucking screaming at him 2.5 inches away and Bakugou won’t wipe his damn mouth like damn at least pop a breath mint or something if youre gonna harrass Deku point-blank like that it’s gross.
  • I LOVE ALL MIGHT’S RUN HE LOOKS LIKE A DOOFY VIDEO GAME CHARACTER
  • Deku: “Finally, with Bakugou’s gauntlet I can use a quirk without breaking my own arm.”
    Deku: -breaks his arm from the recoil-
    Deku: “Oh fucking come on”
  • I love Bakugou just blast-zooming through the air while he and Deku talk it’s like those long-ass Naruto scenes where they hop 2945 feet between branches. Except poor Deku’s gotta like, actually run. Offer him a ride Bakugou you animal.
  • Deku: “That gate’s fucking kawaii and I’m kinda insulted considering how I’ve been nearly killed to death like four times in this thing but okay whatever.”
  • DORK
  • ALL MIGHT THEYRE CHILDREN GODDAMN

I BEAT A MOTHER FUCKER WITH ANOTHER MOTHER FUCKER

  • Bakugou: -uses his quirk to fucking launch Deku toward the goal like a sack of potatoes-
    me, thinking back to the physical tests of season 1: Haha call back.
  • ALL MIGHT THEY ARE C H I L D R EN
  • Bakugou: “what!!?? YOU THOUGHT DEKU WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD BREAK ALL HIS ARMS AND SCREAM!!? I CAN BREAK MY ARMS EVEN FUCKING BETTER THAN HE CAN”
  • ALL MIGHT THIS IS NOT HOW MERCY WORKS
  • this is physically painful to watch im like upset
  • theyre kids theyre just kids leave them a l o n e
  • also Bakugou trying to bite All Might’s hand as a last ditch effort is just….real sad? It hurts? This all hurts?
  • Im glad Deku punched All Might he was being a real jackass today.
  • Recovery Girl, for the 19375th time: “The absolute fucking shit I put up with because of you people”

colossus-steppes  asked:

What was bad about Yooka-Laylee? I haven't played it myself, but from what I heard pre-release it seemed good. Did it turn out bad then?

yooka-laylee was a fucking ride

the game had this weird behind the scenes development first of all


the year was 2012, banjo nostalgia was at its peak, and had been for a couple years now. largely due to jontron

rare was a fucking mess, and still is, so there wasnt any hope for a new rare game that isnt some shovelware kinect bullshit (thanks microsoft)

just about everyone from the golden days of rare is is at different places. some at retro, some still at rare, some at gory detail, some just at random places. its a mess

but somehow, a few ex-rare devs got together, noticed how big banjo had gotten in recent years and decided to make a spiritual successor

iirc, jontron was actually a large reason why the game began development in the first place. he revived a lot of love for the bear and bird. he brought back a lot of love for rare in general actually.

i wanted to avoid bringing up jon, i really did, but that would be like not bringing up banjo. jon is too integral to the development of yooka, and banjo is the game yooka is ripping off

they were in regular contact with jon from what i remember. jon brought up the rare spiritual successor before anyone even knew it was a thing, before even the mingy jongo twitter was found. and of course grant kirkhope was on game grumps, and jon was offered a role on the game

the mingy jongo twitter is where things get odd. sometime in 2012, a twitter was found. it was all cryptic and shit, and named after a forgettable enemy from banjo-tooie. it was hyping up something, but no one knew what

it stopped updating for like a year, made a tweet about crashing, and was confirmed to be cancelled.

and then even later, mingy jongo made a tweet about rebooting, and changed the name to playtonic. the dumb arg bullshit was over, and we got a look at what the games visual style would be like

the kickstarter launched, it was super successful and spawned many imitators, but none nearly as successful as yooka

a hat in time was not one of those imitators, it was in development long before yooka

the game had promise to it. the game looked like a real return to the golden age of 3d platformers it looked fun, it looked like it had interesting and seemingly focused level design, it knew its roots and embraced it, but it still had its own identity, it had a team of industry veterans, now off their leash so they’re free to make a game how they want to make it. 

there was no doubt in our minds, this was going to be great. 

it was a really shitty time for 3d platformers. games were either AAA or indie. AAA were too focused on big action movie set-piece games aimed at people in their mid-20s, and indies didnt have the budget or experience to do 3d. so the genre was almost dead aside from the odd ratchet, sonic or mario game. but it wasnt enough, the genre was slowly dying. yooka needed to happen

we got some more gameplay, and it seemed good, but not great. it had its flaws but it was still early in development, things can only get better, right?

yooka-laylee was then revealed to be using the unity engine. a notably awful engine with an ungodly amount of problems that is only used by people because its cheap, so they can make meme games with it like whos your daddy or some donald trump game. but those are games that embrace the problems of unity

then we got the toybox demo.

we got to test out the controls around a very plain environment. it was essentially a playtest area. the controls were very off, and there was little tech. but the controls werent that bad.as long as they dont make the controls worse in any way, and the game has some tight level design, this can still be a great game.

also there was a little secret for getting everything in the demo and going somewhere specific, a secret that tells you to go somewhere and look for something in the final game. i’ll get back to that.

playtonic soon found a publisher for yooka-laylee to help with yooka. team17 of worms fame

the wii version of yooka-laylee was cancelled and playtonic said there wont be a switch version

we got some more proper gameplay of yooka showing off the capital cashino level

and my god

it

was

bad

really really really

bad

but it was just one level, it doesnt represent the whole game does it?

either way, some people were getting skeptical of the game by this point.


and then, the catalyst


community manager of team17, playtonics publisher was going on neogaf one day and saw the general consensus of jontron there was rather negative there. well jonno wasnt having any of that and demanded playtonic to remove jontron from the game

jonno zuckerberg’d jontron

and out of such a minor voice role too

what followed was a shitshow

because jon was such a major part to yooka’s history, naturally some people thought removing jon was an extremely backstabby move to make.

to many, this was the straw that broke the camels back. there were many red flags before, but this was a big one.

there were 3000 known refunds that followed. 

and thats just the refunds that went through, because playtonic or team17, most likely team17, actually denied most of the refunds, banned people asking how to refund it on steam, and called anyone refunding the game racist

playtonic also blocked a dude that offered a reasonable solution to the jontron solution on twitter

they were not handling this with grace

jon just kind of accepted that he wouldnt be in the game, if you’re wondering how he was taking his removal

around this time, i was thankful that i didnt kickstart it


so the game finally comes out and the reviews are divided. some people call it a masterpiece and everything bad about the game is supposed to be bad because n64 games didnt age well so this should play like an n64 game that didnt age well and they got everything promised to them

others called the game a rushed sloppy poorly designed mess with an insane amount of problems that cannot be overlooked

after the dust settled, the game has pretty much settled on a lukewarm 6/10 or 7/10 from most sites.

so how was the game really

horrible.

for a game made by developers with decades of experience under their belts, they learned nothing from any of the games they made, or others have made. every flaw that banjo had is not only in yooka, but a thousand times worse

everything we knew about the game pre-release was also worse

the tight level design? non-existent

the decent controls? ruined

the unique identity? gone

nothing of value remained. yooka-laylee is a husk of what was meant to be

the controls were made slipperier, and a stamina meter was added, so you cant go slightly fast for more than a couple seconds, and due to the massive empty levels, going fast is required if you dont want to go insane

the level design does not exist. things are just placed in areas without thought. the focus was on making the levels super big and placing the collectables in really obscure places. not even just the jiggy equivalents, but also the note-equivalents

but the bad controls and bad level design apparently werent enough. levels we had gimmicks that just complimented the absolute worst of the levels and controls. slippery dank caves full of pits, slippery ice levels

the world is barren and empty. there is nothing to do in it

the bosses are, well…
they’re walls. every last one of them is a wall that you fight. honest to god walls.

the camera is an abomination. i dont think i need to say anything that hasnt been said a thousand times already, its one of the worst things about the game, and that is a fucking low bar

the audio mixing is horrible, the chopper transformation grates on the ears, the grunting is far too loud and goes on for much longer than the grunting in banjo, making it extremely obnoxious and annoying

the game had a fucking quiz section that expects you to know every weird minor detail about the game, like really weird and obscure details no one playing the game casually would know, you would have to be obsessed with the game from the moment it was announced and pay close attention to everything no matter how minor to know any of the quiz’s answers. you need to answer 10 questions correctly in a row or else you’re sent to the beginning. and they throw this at you in the first world. i think they do it every world, actually but i could be wrong. they somehow took an interesting but a bit obnoxious part from banjo tooie and i think kazooie as well, and turned it into one of the biggest sins in any game i have ever seen

the loading times, while not bad, are INSANELY frequent, it breaks the flow of the game far too often

there were tons of glitches

enemies were sponges

the fucking mine cart sections were unbearable

frequent framerate issues (thanks unity)

all the minigames were complete trash

the fridge character is one of the worst things i have ever seen

there were seemingly nonsensical puzzles that dont give you any indication if you’re missing something required to beat it

the game stops introducing characters early on, and just recycles all the previous characters


so thats the bad of yooka, heres the good


the visuals look nice half the time, although the other half is unity fucking up the lighting because its a shit engine

the music is sometimes good

some of the character designs are nice


and thats about all i can really compliment the game on honestly

it’s a mess and one of the biggest disappointments i have ever played. it wasnt even worth pirating


you wanna know what jontrons role would have even been? making farting sounds for a toilet character. they shot themselves in the foot over a youtuber voicing a toilet


oh and do you remember that little secret from the toybox i mentioned

well if you go to where you were told, you’ll find a little scene with a robot

it’ll basically say something is 50% complete

and thats it

no secret alternate costume, no unlockable power, no item that lets you find collectables, no nothing. just some dumb secret teasing a potential sequel

that was somehow the most infuriating part about the game, and perfectly sums up yooka-laylee


its a bad fucking game


sorry for any spelling mistakes, but its 3am and this is a massive wall of text

Snap Decision

(A chance meeting with a stranger at a bar helps you recover from a bad breakup.)

Warnings: 11000+ words of mostly sex stuff.  Bad ex boyfriends. People doing inadvisable things.  Listen up kids: in real life you should be more cautious about who you let take naked pictures of you! Lots and lots of sex.  If you’ve read my stuff before, you know the drill.  


You thought it would be fun to work in sales after you graduated from university; you would travel around the country, meeting new people, holding meetings in fancy high rise office buildings in big cities, wining and dining clients at gourmet restaurants while you closed deals and made boatloads of money.  The reality was that you were selling industrial wastewater management systems, making a moderate income, while traveling four days a week to factories and chemical refineries in some of the least glamorous locations on earth.  You didn’t mind the work itself, but the evenings alone in small town hotel rooms were dull and disheartening, so you would frequently head out to a local movie theater or neighborhood bar to distract yourself from the loneliness on the road.   

 It was pouring down rain outside and you decide to run to the closest place you could find to grab a drink, rather than risk driving around and getting lost.  That’s how you found yourself sitting alone at the bar of the Applebee’s restaurant that was adjacent to your hotel, sipping on something called a Blue Hawaiian, in a town you couldn’t even remember the name of.   

Unruly children sat with their families having dinner in the nearby booths, while innocuously bland pop songs played overhead.  You took one sip of the cloyingly sweet blue cocktail in front of you and immediately regretted your decision to come here tonight. Given the lousy week you had experienced, you would have been better off drinking cheap whiskey at a dive bar filled with unapologetic alcoholics.  Here, the family friendly atmosphere mixed with the empty promises of a fruity cocktail that was designed to trick you into thinking you were on a tropical island vacation instead of in your real life.  Your real crappy life. 

You had totally blown the sale today.  The clients had a million questions about the technical specifications of the products you were trying to sell, but you kept tripping over your words and making yourself sound like an idiot.  You blamed your poor work performance on lack of sleep.  And you blamed the lack of sleep on your boyfriend, David.  Actually, he was your ex-boyfriend now.  After more than a year together, you dumped him for cheating on you.  

He claimed he was faithful, but you were certain he was lying.  He never picked up his phone when you called him from out on the road.  He would eventually call you back, but his stories about where he was and what he was doing always sounded a little off.  The final blow came when your friend Stephanie told you she saw him going into a movie theater with another girl.  David claimed Stephanie was mistaken and that you were just paranoid and jealous for no reason.  You wanted to believe him, but deep down you were sure that Stephanie was right.  All the unresolved questions you had about what David was doing while you were working could easily be answered if he had been cheating on you.  David cried when you told him it was over, he begged you to reconsider, but you were resolute and just walked away.

That had been a week ago, and every day since then, you questioned whether or not you made the right decision.  You had no hard proof that he had been unfaithful.  Sure, Stephanie said she saw him, but she only saw from a distance.  Maybe she was mistaken.  Maybe it was just someone who looked like David.

“Is this seat taken?”

Keep reading

A Moment (Richie/Eddie)

Summary: In which Richie and Eddie are both flustered by a moment that was rudely interrupted.

Prompt 86: “Have you seen- oh

Prompt 42: “I’d like to talk to you when you have your pants on, okay?”

A/N: Thankyou to who requested this!! This is so hard not to make sexual as the request specifically asked for them to be in the middle of a ‘moment’ like a make out and they’re walked in on. Please don’t think I’m trying to sexualise the kiddos in any way shape or form because that is not my intention. ALSO, they’re 15 in this fic!! I’m this age and people at my age are doing MUCH worse than making out so please keep your argument about me sexualising them to yourselves bC TEENAGERS MAKE OUT, TEENAGERS DO A LOT OF BA D THINGS

“Eds, hey- Eds.”

Eddie grumbled, pulling the sheets over his head to block out the voice of Richie Tozier.

“Eds, c’mon. Get up.”

“Fuck off Richie. Don’t call me that.” Eddie hissed, staying under the sheets and attempting to fall back into a peaceful slumber.

Richie frowned, his head tilted with his glasses falling down his nose. He lifted a single finger up and pushed them up, leaving yet again another fingerprint against his dirtied lenses. His imprint smudges the sight in once light, but Richie barely notices.

“No one is fucking here, I think Bill and Stan left.” Richie pestered on, grabbing Eddie’s shoulder and shaking it heavily.

Eddie frowned, eyes slowly sliding open and a groan of frustration leaves Eddie’s lips and he sits up, glaring daggers at Richie with fresh tears of waking up abruptly on his waterline.

“Richie, you fucking asshole. That is what you wake me up for?”

“Well, I woke up alone and I didn’t want to be alone. Why is that a problem?”

“I barely sleep as it is, Richie! You just fucking broke me from an actual good sleep!” Eddie cried, anger pulsing through his veins before he quickly calms down, grabbing his hair strands as he places his head in his hands.

Richie couldn’t help but feel guilt for his own selfish actions, sighing quietly and awkwardly patting at his bare thigh as he only wore underwear and a random band tee, as always, to sleep.

“Eds, I’m sorry.” Richie sat down, climbing onto the mattress next to Eddie.

Eddie was silent for a moment before speaking up, “It’s fine. I didn’t mean to totally freak out.” Eddie too let the nickname slide, as he played with the edged trim of the blanket that covered his own bare legs. 

Silence pierced the thin air of Bill’s room, as the two sat in silence next to each other with their elbows grazing one another. Richie sucked in his bottom lip, and shuddered as he wasn’t covered by Eddie’s bedding and was exposed to the late September air.

“Why don’t you sleep good, Eds?” Richie questioned, with his head tilted and looking towards Eddie.

Eddie nibbled at the skin that peeled from his lower lip, rubbing his hands together and he shrugged.

“I..I guess it’s just nightmares? They’re weird. Like, fuck.” Lies. Total fucking lies.

“What are they like?” Richie watched the way his hands moved and jittered, which was a sign he was lying as well as the lip biting.

“Well,” Eddie started, before trying to find his words as if thinking through everything he was about to say and how he would say it, “Um, just stuff like me getting sick. Shit like that.”

Richie thought about how long he had to think about his supposed ‘nightmares’ and his response to his question. Richie nodded, not pressuring the boy any further.

Eddie gulped as he thought of the real reason, one of his slight fears that often triggered his anxiety late at night. His sexuality. See, Eddie was still curious and testing the waters with himself; not knowing if he was into girls or into guys or both. That wasn’t the problem though, his problem was his Mother. His mother would possibly think that Eddie would be screwed up mentally and have many mental illnesses if he told his Mother that he liked guys in any way shape or form. He’d never get a break and he’d never be allowed to have sleepovers like this or even be allowed to talk another male ever again.

Eddie cringed as the thoughts came back to him, quickly trying to shake them away by focusing upon Richie. 

“So, how was your night? Sleeping, I mean.”

“Oh, I sleep like a fucking rock.” Richie chuckles, his shoulders moving as he chuckles. 

“How is sleeping like a rock a good thing?” Eddie tilts his head, looking to Richie, “Rocks are hard, it must be hard to sleep.”

Richie smirks, “Maybe that’s because I am hard most of the time.”

Eddie is confused for a moment before realisation hits him forcefully and he groans with a blush spreading over his cheeks, “Fuck off, Richie. You know what I meant.”

“Especially morning wood, oh boy, let me tell you-”

Eddie clamps a hand over Richie’s mouth before he gets more flustered than he already is. Eddie’s eyes are wide, staring into Richie’s without blinking. Richie can’t help but notice how the two boys were as close as ever, with Eddie obviously blushing like a tomato. Richie felt his smirk grow even more under Eddie’s palm and he wiggled his eyebrows at the crimson boy.

Eddie felt the movements under his palm, staring into Richie’s large eyes due to his spectacles, before sighing in annoyance.

“Seriously, Richie? Your lenses are jacked up.” Eddie removes his hand before taking Richie’s glasses off slowly and carefully.

Richie was too slow to protest, feeling his own face heat up as his whole face was no longer hidden by his coke bottle glasses which covered a lot of his insecurities up.  Richie felt exposed in a weird way, not being able to see Eddie properly but Eddie being able to see every pore and flaw that laid upon Richie’s face. 

Eddie breathed hot air onto both lenses, using his own shirt to wipe away each of the finger prints and splashes from substances that had stained the lenses.

Richie watched with blind eyes, barely being able to tell what he was doing for him. His eyes were squinted and his head tilted forward and staring directly at the hazed actions.

Finally, Eddie was done and he lifted them up delicately, placing them back on Richie’s face with a small and soft grin. 

“Be more clean, asshole. Isn’t that much better?” Eddie folded his arms over smugly.

Richie blinked and pushed them up higher on his nose, this time with the small space between the lenses and not smudging them like he usually does. He could see much clear, being able to see the soft sun rays peak through the curtains and shining on Eddie’s baby face. He admired everything in that moment, how one eye of his was squinting due to the orange-y hue that blinded one of his eyes from seeing Richie properly and the other remaining soft and bambi like. How Eddie’s right corner of his lips was arched higher than the other and how his usually neatened chocolate strands were in fact out of place and going in every direction.

Richie couldn’t help himself, he really couldn’t. The moment before him couldn’t be more flawless.

Really? You’re gonna do this now? Now-

Richie’s thoughts were cut off by his actions as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Eddie’s.

Eddie’s smug look was wiped away in a split second, his eyes widening as he stared at Richie’s closed pair of eyes with shock and in awe. Eddie had both of his hands raised at the side of Richie’s face in shock which soon, he melted. He melted perfectly against Richie and his hands fell onto his cheeks, feeling Richie’s heated skin beneath his clammy palms. 

Richie felt his hands snake around Eddie’s waist, pulling him onto his lap for a better position in the kiss. Richie, being much more confident than Eddie in the whole ‘first kiss’ scenario as Eddie was of course, oblivious on how to kiss.

The two newly found 15 year old boys, had their arms all over each other with their lips smearing against the other pair that battled for dominance in the kiss. Richie ran his tongue across Eddie’s bottom lip for a silent ask for permission, knowing his boundaries due to Eddie’s phobia of anything to do with germs or sickness’. Eddie hesitated, before opening his lips to allow Richie swirl his tongue inside in perfect sync with Eddie’s. Richie was soft, comfortable and caring for Eddie, making sure to not cross any lines that would make Eddie be disgusted or revolted in any way.

Eddie then pushes Richie forward. At first, this caused Richie to think that he did somehow cross the line but instead- he was pushed on his back and Eddie was sitting on his lower stomach.

Richie stared up at Eddie with soft eyes as well as a smirk. “I always thought you’d be a bottom, Eds.” 

Eddie’s chest burned bright as his blush had spread all over. “Shut up, asshole. I don’t like it when you call me that.”

But oh, how they both knew that what Eddie had said was a lie.

Eddie then leaned down, his lips colliding with Richie’s again, tasting the same blackberry bubblegum that lingered on Richie’s set of lips from the previous night whilst his own tasted of mint. His legs begun shaking lightly from the intense makeout session that was happening currently, only for Richie to place his hand on the back of Eddie’s thigh to soothe him.

Hey have you seen- oh.”

Eddie flung himself away from Richie and Richie fell off the mattress head first with a grunt of pain leaving past his pink and swollen lips. Eddie pressed his back against the wall, tidying his messy hair and trying to cover his own flustered blush that had been permanently tattooed onto his cheeks.

Both saw Stan, stood there, with a water gun in his hands and his own face heating up in embarrassment from walking in on a situation which could’ve went anywhere if he had not walked in. Stan gulped audibly and looked elsewhere.

I’d like to talk to you when you have your pants on, okay?

The two boys looked at each other in horror and realised how the situation must look to someone like Stan who just walked in on the two boys pantless and in their underwear with Eddie sitting on top of Richie in a heated makeout.

“No Stan it’s not-”

Stan had already walked off, without letting Richie finish his sentence.

Eddie quickly reached for his inhaler which was kept under his pillow, taking a few quick puffs from anxiety racing under his skin. Richie looked over worryingly before sighing.

“Look, don’t worry. Lets just get dressed and go talk to him, kay’?”

Despite Richie’s comforting words, Eddie couldn’t help but feel his fear of his sexuality raise higher and higher. He pushed it back as both him and Richie dressed themselves in their usual attire for the day.

Both boys, once done changing, looked at eachother with soft eyes and Richie then offered his hand out to Eddie and tilting his head as if he was mentally asking, ‘Are you okay?’

Eddie nodded, reaching his own out and grabbing Richie’s for comfort. Richie then walked forward and guided his soon to be boyfriend out of Bill’s empty bedroom.

summersaltturn  asked:

"Have anyone told you you have the most intimidating nostrils I've ever seen?"

“Yeah, I won an award, junior year,” Derek answers, frowning at his new IKEA (bought and built, all in a soft Henley sweater; Stiles knows, he supervised) book-shelf, like he hasn’t just finished a seven hundred page tome on Egyptian artefacts. A seven hundred page tome on Egyptian artefacts alone.

Derek Hale: epic nerd and assembler of easy-to-build IKEA products. Of course, Stiles thinks, cursing his stupid Professor and DIY kinks. Why not? The worst part is, he doesn’t even think those kinks are sexual. It’s just….a thing. That he has. A Derek thing. The Butterflies That Live In His Stomach were trying so desperately to move on with their lives, too. They’d shopped around. Hired a real-estate agent. They were ready, goddammit!  

Derek settles on a book - Stiles is pretty sure it also has the word ‘artefacts’ in the title - and sighs, all feigned nostalgia, and glances over his shoulder. “It was a golden nose, too. Across the bottom it said,” he pauses, grinning, “Stiles Stilinski needs to get a life.”

Stiles opens his mouth, clutches his chest, because rude much? Is it his fault Derek’s nostrils belong in some kind of anatomy museum? Is it his fault his Saturday nights are spent playing video games in his underwear, when his week days are spent chasing down monsters and researching things like how Scott and Erica managed to contract chicken pox when stabbing them does, like, nothing? (Except get Erica excited because she’s a beautiful, terrifying weirdo.) The moment he tries to tell Derek this, however, a copy of - is that Pride and Prejudice? - is thrown at his head. 

Stiles doesn’t know if he’s more offended when Derek rolls his eyes when it misses him, or the concerned look that crosses his face when the book sails past him and lands in an empty pizza box, like Derek is worried if it’s okay or not. 

And to think, Stiles was going to screw up his courage and finally invite Derek to see a movie this weekend. In an actual theatre. Where people go to be normal. Well, the laugh is on Derek because Stiles is going to buy the big popcorn and he’s going to enjoy it all on his own. 

Yeah, that’ll show him. 

~

“Has anyone ever told you your eyebrows could star in a disturbing kid’s movie about caterpillars?” 

Stiles is drunk. No, he’s wasted. Hammered. Loaded. Completely and utterly shit faced. Which is probably why instead of ending up on his ass on the floor, Derek just pinches the bridge of his nose, tips his head against the back of the couch and says, “what.” Not even a hint of inflection.

This dude, Stiles thinks, and then laughs because, ohmygod, Derek is this dude now. Not that dude or whoa, what are you doing crawling through my window, dude? but this dude. And that’s kind of beautifully heart warming, in its own way. 

Really, Stiles should write into Hallmark. It could be a trilogy. A Gay Trilogy ™. Bisexuals on ice. Except, without the ice because Stiles doesn’t know how to skate. Can Derek skate? Stiles totally bets Derek can skate.   

Speaking of Derek, he’s got this little crinkle on his forehead now, right between his eyebrows, and man, they really are very nice eyebrows. Animated but nice. A little dramatic but nice. Murderous but nice.

“What,” Derek says again, looking more confused than annoyed by the second. Stiles really wants to kiss him.

Instead, he stares. Stares and stares and stares.

Shit.

Slapping a hand over his mouth, he begins laughing uncontrollably and before he knows it, he’s clutching his sides and has his face pressed against Derek’s chest, because the hilarity is killing him. 

Because this is them now. Drinking peach-snaps at Derek’s loft, on a couch filled with throw pillows. Throw pillows. One is even soft and pink and frilly and another has a picture of the pack on it. Granted, no one is looking at the camera but Derek, Boyd and Kira and Derek is not so much looking at the camera as yelling at Stiles (holding the camera) for eating his secret stash of cookies, but it’s nice. It’s a nice picture. There is a plain black pillow too, of course. Somewhere. Stiles might be sitting on it, actually. He figures one can only expect so much when it comes to sour-wolves but Erica glued little cat ears on it last week and Derek said nothing. Fuck, he’d even smiled.

It says a lot about what a secret softie Derek is when it comes to vulnerable, drunk-ass people, because he doesn’t push Stiles away; just lets him laugh and laugh until he passes out, drooling on his chest. 

When Stiles wakes up, Derek’s sweater is pretty soaked through but he hasn’t moved an inch. He does, however, tell Stiles he snores like a deranged goose and that he owes him a pastry later.

He doesn’t even ask for a specific kind, Stiles chastises in his head, falling back to sleep. He’s in love with a pastry idiot. 

~

“Do you know when you smile, you brighten up the whole damn room?”

The question clearly catches Derek off guard because he falls head first…into a duck pond. 

Stiles’ first reaction is to jump in after him - he hates to admit it, but he gets a little nervous around water when Derek is with him; there have been several incidents where he’s unconsciously grabbed Derek’s hand in order to drag him away from pools and, one time, a very large puddle - but when Derek emerges, wearing his someone is about to die face, Stiles can’t be held accountable for the way he falls to the ground because, yup, that’s a tiny, outraged duckling perched on top of Derek’s head.   

“Oh my god,” he yells, rolling onto his back and kicking his legs in the air. He feels like a kid, grabbing his stomach, water practically pouring from his eyes. This was, quite possibly, the best day of his life.

Normally, Derek would be yelling threats - several, in fact, some in Spanish because he’s a show off - but he just stands there….in the middle of a fucking pond. The duckling is still sitting on his head, like he or she plans to set up home there and it’s so adorable Stiles thinks he actually coos out loud.

Still, Derek still doesn’t say anything. Not even when Stiles coos again, very, very deliberately. (And Scott said his middle name could never be Danger, pffft.) Stiles can’t actually guess what Derek is going to do but he doesn’t care. He looks a strange cross between wanting to murder someone - namely, Stiles - and a little kid who was told they couldn’t get a puppy only to get one on Christmas day anyway. 

Mostly, he just looks lost. And wet. Very, very wet. Somewhere out there, someone is playing It’s Raining Men and Stiles wants nothing more than to share this glorious moment with them. He’s just in the process of taking out his phone to at least snap a photo to send to the pack when - 

“Did you mean it?” Derek asks, and man, those water droplets just keep on running, don’t they. 

Stiles grins. “Did I mean for you to fall into a pond and adopt a new feathered friend? No but I think we can all agree-” 

Stiles.” 

Derek growls and it would be effective - at least in getting Stiles to help him out of the pond - if it wasn’t for the fact his ears were turning a little pink. A lot pink, actually and - 

Oh.

Sitting up, Stiles drags his butt over to the edge of the pond.

“Yeah,” he says. “I meant it. I mean, smiles can’t literally light up rooms, I know that, but when you smile it’s like…” He sighs and flaps his arms, suddenly nervous, hitting Derek in the process. The duckling practically glares at him and Stiles briefly wonders if he has competition here. 

Right. Better make this good then. He clears his throat. 

“It’s like, everything just makes sense for a little bit, you know? I look at you and it’s not that smiling is rare for you, at least not anymore, but it’s still pretty thrilling to see it and when you do I’m like, that’s some quality shit right there but then I get confused because it’s like, do I wanna punch it? Kiss it? Pet it? Who knows. Usually it depends on what you’re wearing.” 

Derek blinks and Stiles groans because, yeah, he just said that out loud. In real time. To Mr McGrumpy himself. Who is currently not reacting.

Great.

“Uh, I mean,” he attempts to correct himself but it’s too late. Derek is already slowly pulling him in and pressing his lips to his in what is the single most innocent, chaste kiss of Stiles’ life - because, you know, duckling and head movements - but somehow, it still manages to be perfect. 

“Nice,” Stiles whispers, after, waggling his eyebrows.

Derek snorts and kisses him again.

~

“Turn it off,” Derek whines, nuzzling further into Stiles’ neck. “This is why I leave my phone in the kitchen. Like we discussed.

Stiles tries to swat him, ends up kissing his temple. Sue him, he’s tired. “Says the person who can afford to leave their phone in the kitchen. We don’t all have supernatural hearing, asshole.”

Derek whines again. “You also have the worst taste in ringtones.”

Stiles gasps, suddenly sitting up. Well, he tries to. When your boyfriend is made of muscle and is half lying on top of you, it makes moving a lot more difficult. Not that Stiles is really complaining. Much. “I’ll have you know Bushes of Love is a Star Wars parody classic.”    

Derek rolls his eyes, Stiles can feel it, says, “just answer it, sweetums.” 

“Ugh,” Stiles grimaces, “I already told you I’m sorry for the pet-name thing. It was an accident!”

“Calling me your ‘slutty buddy’ in front of your dad was meant as a pet name?”

“It sounded better in my head!”  

Derek groans and wraps an “exasperated” arm around Stiles’ waist. Oh. So. Exasperated. Stiles grins. “Answer. Your. Phone.” 

Stiles finds his phone on the fifth try.

He has fifteen missed calls, all from Erica. Texts too. Every single one is a link to some article online, followed by a string of heart and eggplant emojis.   

Young Love and the Ugly Duckling’,” Stiles reads, clicking on the link. “Uhhh, Derek?” He prods him. 

What.” 

There’s a picture of us in the online Beacon Gazette,” looking into each other’s eyes, like a pair of love sick fools, Stiles wants to add because, wow, is he really that obvious when he looks at Derek? To be fair though, Derek isn’t much better and he is the one with an angry bird on his head.

He prods Derek again and again until he finally gives in, makes him look at the phone. 

“Huh,” he says, blinking at it. “Fred looks pretty pissed that I’m kissing you.” His face breaks out in a smug grin and Stiles rolls his eyes. Hard. 

“You are aware Fred is a duckling, right?” 

“Yes.” Derek grins harder, showing all his teeth, although his cheeks do colour slightly when he catches Stiles’ eye. 

Stiles sighs, totally not fond. “They couldn’t have come up with a better title, though?” he asks, brandishing his phone. “The Ugly Ducking, really?” 

Yeah,” Derek says, frowning. “I mean, I wouldn’t go as far as to call you ugly.” He laughs and Stiles smacks him across the chest with a loud, “hey!”

They both turn back to look at the picture. 

“We look so stupid,” Stiles whispers, shaking his head and biting his thumb. We fit, he thinks. We look like we fit. 

Leaning in, Derek smiles at him. “We do,” he agrees, burying his face back into the warmth of Stiles’ neck, muttering something about home and content and stupid Star Wars parodies.

Stiles snaps a selfie, captions it goals, and sends it to Erica. 

Bill, Stan, Richie, Eddie: Scrapes and Bruises

Request  “Can I ask for Bill, Stan, Richie and Eddie getting patched up by their crush/gf? Maybe they had a run in with the clown, or the Bowers gang and got a little roughed up or something.” 

A/N   I re-read this like 100 times trying to see just how repetitive it got and I zoned out every time. My bad rip

Pairing → Bill Denbrough x Reader, Stan Uris x Reader, Richie Tozier x Reader, Eddie Kaspbrak x Reader (She/Her Pronouns)

Warnings  → description of injury, blood


Bill

↳ Bill bit his lip and tried to stay quiet as you looked at the wound on his side. He sat on the side of his tub, which you had filled shallowly with warm, clean water. You dunked in a cloth and got to work.

He hummed in pain. He mentally smacked himself upside the head, but at least it was better than crying out in front of you. “Sorry” you murmured. You found some antiseptic balm and uncapped it.

You had both been caught off guard by It. Jumping you both on the way home and landing a long cut on your fearless leader. Your blood boiled as you remembered the strike, and Billy going down, and Bill’s blood boiled as he remembered the fear It had caused you, and your scream.

“Bill” you called “Billy?”

He was trying so hard not to wince that he had zoned out. “Uh-Hm?” he said quick “Wuh-what?”

“This is gonna sting” you gave him an apologetic smile “Sorry”

It didn’t really. And that wasn’t just Bill trying to lie to himself for the sake of saving face. It burned a little, sure, but he was distracted by the feeling of your fingers on his skin. Looking down, he saw you, putting all your effort into being as gentle with him as possible.

His heart swelled.

Keep reading

How I cope with my Emotional Nonsense

My brain comes with the fun little perk of really intense, overwhelming emotional reactions. My emotions are a series of on/off switches and it’s either blinding painful intensity or complete numbness. So here’s how I try to manage it:

  • Clean my room. Not like… calm gentle reorganization. No. I dump as much as I think I can handle onto the floor and put it back in its place. It’s intense. There’s usually loud angry music. Things almost always end up only slightly cleaner than they were but I feel way fuckin better afterwards.
  • Play video games. Preferably those ones where you’re way OP and just slice through enemies like butter. Or something you just plain can’t lose at, like Stardew Valley.
  • Watch vine compilations. Seriously, just search RIP Vine in youtube, click on the mix playlist, and you’re set forever.
  • Listen to podcasts. I like audio dramas. If you want recs, message me. I’ve got a list.
  • Take a walk. I’m confident in my ability to keep myself safe in doing so, so I will start walking and just not stop until I calm down. Usually I’m doing better after about half an hour for me.
  • Make something. Draw, knit, write, paint, make a fucking hand turkey. No one cares if it’s good. And even if I decide to throw it out, I usually feel better once I’ve actually made a thing.
  • Blanket fort. Really. It helps. Use a paper towel tube as a fake sword. Just… be silly and childish and imaginative. Those aren’t bad things to be.
  • Cut/dye my hair. Usually this takes a little planning but I always wind up deciding to do it during a breakdown of some sort.
  • Eat something. Sometimes a bag of gummy worms is all it takes to remember that the world isn’t entirely awful.
  • Go back to bed. Sometimes, I just don’t have the energy to put up with the world’s bullshit. And that’s okay. It’s not wise to pick this one every time, but sometimes the world can wait. I bury myself under the covers, put my phone on do not disturb, and either take a nap or listen to music.

Sometimes, I’m stuck. I can’t distract myself, and I can feel the wave coming, about to pull me under and turn me into a massive shitlord. Because I am an absolutely AWFUL person to be around when I’m in emotion-hell. Believe me, I hate myself during it too. Haven’t quite figured out what to do with it yet, but if I’m with someone I try to warn them that I’m really upset and just need a moment to freak out a bit. Then I try to just… let it pass. It’s a bad idea to talk to people you have strong feelings about, no matter the feelings, when you’re in this. Impulses are hard to manage. I tend to just ramble my feelings in a private post on tumblr or I talk to someone I don’t know that well and consequently don’t have strong feelings about. Just… keep breathing. It passes.

So yeah. Things I try to keep in mind:

  • Nothing is permanent. Our lives are short and, on a cosmic scale, relatively insignificant. The decisions I make aren’t actually that important, so I may as well have fun.
  • Our lives are the most important thing we experience. This is how we are, right now. It is so very real, so very vivid and meaningful and shapes future iterations of us. We are very much here.
  • Two opposing statements can be true at the same time. We are complex, beautiful creatures capable of complex planning and deep thought. We’re also  bumbling apes who will ingest toxic substances because we like how they feel and frequently giggle at the thought of farts.
  • People in general are too busy worrying about what everyone else thinks of them to actually notice that a bit of someone else’s hair is sticking up or that their shirt was on inside out. It happens. We’ve all had those days.
  • There is no such thing as grown-ups. Only people who have gotten very good at pretending they know what they’re doing. We learn the rules by conformity, by watching everyone else and doing what they’re doing, even if we don’t actually know what the fuck is going on. It’s okay. There’s probably someone else just as confused as you in the same room. You’ll be fine, and if you’re too lost to pretend you know what’s going on, either ask someone who looks like they know, or bullshit it and hope for the best.
  • There is good in the world. If you need evidence, look at this dog. All dogs are good.
cute couple things — p.p.

summary : extended dating peter would include… ft. a bunch of random thoughts i had about peter being a cute soft boyfriend !!!

  • reads your favorite books and memorizes lines from them that he can sneak into conversations to make you smile :)
  • it’s v hard for him to not look at you when he’s with you he just always wants to be looking at your face
    • “it’s, like, really hard to stop staring at you”
    • “huh?”
    • “you’re so pretty i can’t stop looking wow”
  • lights up !!!! when you walk into a room even if he’s just seen you two minutes ago and you were only in the bathroom for like a second
  • kisses you all of your face whenever he can just infinite amounts of kisses pressed across your cheeks and your nose and your eyelids 
  • he doesn’t really do nicknames like he’s not a darling sort of person
  • if he’s gonna call you anything it’ll probably be babe/baby/pretty girl or something of that sort
  •  (i started the pretty girl trend on the low don’t @ me)
  • sometimes you call him bro and he gets so offended 
    • “listen,,, peter,,, bro,,,,”
    • y/NNNN i’m not bro!!!!!!”
    • “k bro”
    • “you’re the worst” 
  • his face resembles that of a disgruntled pouty kitten whenever you call him bro
  • in school he taps his cheek lightly while facing away from you until you give him a kiss there and does that periodically throughout the day until MJ throws a pencil at him
    • “peter enough she’s kissed you like fifty times in the past twenty minutes haven’t you had enough”
    • “it’s never enough”
  • hands down gives the best hugs ever!!!! sweetest, softest, warmest hugs that you never wanna leave and they leave you a blushy mess for hours
  • nerd who tells you that you’re prettier than any star in the sky
  • will fight for your honor even if it means getting punched in the nose by one of flash’s bigger friends because flash won’t take on peter himself
    • “fuck peter why would you even call flash a giant dick??? like i know he is one but why would you ever you know his friend is like some sort of mutant tree”
    • “he said your butt was nice i can’t just let that sort of comment slide babe it’s unacceptable”
  • always knows he can rant to you about science bc you actually listen!!! and you care!! and you ask questions and you make him SO HAPPy!!
  • asks for permission to do everything
    • “hey would it be cool if i held your hand right now”
    • “yes of course”
    • “oh awesome!”
  • you send him selfies and his replies vary but they’re usually along the lines of
    • “oh my gosh you’re so cute i’m coming over”
    • “i love you you angel let me kiss you tomorrow”
    • “wow i have a real liFE ethereal as the love of my life i love the world”
  • sends a goodnight/goodmorning text every day with each heart emoji he can find 
  • his entire recently used section is just different colored hearts and rainbows and sparkles because he uses emojis obnoxiously
  • he’s convinced that the worst thing in the world is having to leave you after a long day of hanging out on a saturday or something
  • will 10/10 complain for hours to may about going home because he’s not with you anymore and he’s clingy
  • you’re his best friend and he’s not afraid to scream about it
    • “my best friend is dating me!!!!!!! i’m so lucky i love them so much” 
    • “peter we know”
    • “well now you know just a little extra all right?”
  • wishes you were able to fall asleep in his arms more often but you’re still young and he’s like oh well we have forever to do that
  • you insult each other all the time basically but??? you both love it banter is everything
      • “penis parKER flash is clever tbh”
      • “you’re such a little shit i’m actually going to fight you”
      • “seriously i dare you put your fists up now”
  • if you post a selfie and he doesn’t like it right away you’ll text him seven times in a row hinting that he should go like and comment 
  • texts at four am about random conspiracy theories or weird facts that only you two would find interesting 
  • shoulders = pillows on the train/bus most of the time
  • he is such a slut for having his hair played with ngl
  • it makes him so happy n calm he could lie like that, with your fingers just raking through his hair, for hours on end
  • he’s never felt more at home than when you’re sitting with him at his kitchen table eating mushy mac and cheese that he tried to make himself because may wasn’t home to help him out as you playfully make fun of him for ruining pasta
  • listens to ed sheeran songs with you because he’s an ed lover honestly and every song makes him think of you
  • hand massages when you’re cramping up after long tests or in class essays that leave you super stressed n anxious (fuck u ruby thx for the idea that murdered me n my soft spirit)
  • knows how to settle you nerves better than anyone else and vice versa
  • puts his hands on your cheeks before he kisses you 
  • you always joke about spidey in class and no one gets what you’re saying but he does and freaks out
    • “that’s a sticky situation”
    • “y/n” 
    • “don’t worry i found that on the web
    • y/n
    • “do you think spiders are men
    • “oh my gOD”
  • he doesn’t care at all if you take one of his sweaters or all of his sweaters he just gives zero fucks you could take them all and he’d love you for it 
    • “here take this one too”
    • “peter i have too many and it’s almost april”
    • “but you’d look so cute in this one” then he pouts and you’re a goner
  • peter writes you tiny notes in class that are his weird thoughts and ramblings and feelings but you save them all and put them in a memory box
    • there was one and it said here’s a concept : you have a bright future ahead of you, and i’m there. i like that concept.
      • you did, too
  • watches every cheesy romantic movie on netflix with you not just because you want to, but because he does too and he can’t help it that’s just how it is 
  • matching ugly christmas sweaters at christmastime because peter parker is an annoying headass and refuseS to go anywhere without one during the holiday season and if he’s wearing one he’s making you match
  • super spidey strength allows him to give you piggy back rides all throughout manhattan when you guys head to the city 
  • makes you kiss him in the rain even though there’s water up your nose and your hair is matted to your forehead 
  • one text makes your heart go !!!!!!!!! because that’s your boy!!!!! and you love him so much because he’s a lovely beautiful person that deserves the world !!!!!
  • making out is rarely super fast n intense like it’s still intense but you go slowly and you can make out for hours without a c are in the world
  • makes sure his hair looks nice before he goes out on a date with you
  • tells you that he loves you and that he’s happy you’re a part of his life as often as he can manage 
  • just wants to love you unconditionally forever
  • texts you at 11:11 every night and says something cheesy as fuck like “you’re my wish tonight babe” or “11:11 is always for you” and sometimes he’ll @ you on snap and you’re like wow we’re That couple 
  • but honestly???? you don’t care that much he’s so cute
  • knows your order at every restaurant/fast food chain/coffee shop imaginable and if he happens to pass by a mcdonalds or dunkin donuts while he’s swinging around queens he tries to pick something up for you 
  • you love his eyes you could probably get lost in them they’re gorgeous
    • “peter your eyes are so lovely i hate you”
    • “aw i love you more babe you say the sweetest things to me”
  • you think his smile is the prettiest thing ever
  • and when his face scrunches up when he’s super happY???? amazing you kiss him immediately everywhere and he gets so flustered and he giggles and tries to squirm away but not really
  • cause he loves it
  • and he loveS YOU
  • i love my boyfriend goodnight to all

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Pennywise headcannons (fluff)

I’ve been feeling a bit down recently so I figured I’d try and do some fluff ones this time as a way of cheering myself up. I did NSFW ones last time if you wanna check them out. Forgive me if these seem a bit flat. Emotionally the past few days haven’t been the best for me and I feel like that might come off as gloominess in my writing. •Given he’s at least a foot taller than your average human. He would always have to bend down to kiss you. •Sometimes you’d wake up to see a creepy little smiley face drawn into the frost on your window. Meaning he’d dropped by last night to check on you. Just his little way of reminding you he’s always watching out for you.

• On days where you feel nervous or anxious you’d notice a familiar looking off-white and red bird following you around.

•If you’d had a bad day you would head straight to the Neibolt house. You’d always want to be near him when you’re feeling depressed but not really wanting to talk a lot. Hearing you so quiet would worry him and he would always try to make you crack a smile or laugh.

•You’d explain different Halloween traditions to him excitedly because it’s the one day of the year you could go out as a couple in public.  And his first reaction is “So you’re telling me kiddies just walk right up to your door, looking for a scare. Well, thats fucking great. Easy feed right there.”  “Umm, I think you’re missing the point.”

•You’d get a very dramatic eye roll when you did show up on Halloween wearing your best attempt at his costume and makeup with a pile of red balloons.

•sassing him and him glaring at you when you do do that.

•“I can’t believe that stupid fucking kid called my house a crack house”. “Yeah, I know. Don’t worry tho, I like your crack house.”

•Both of you sitting on the porch of the Neibolt house when a storm is rolling in. Talking about whatever was on your mind. You’d have your legs splayed out underneath you and an arm outstretched into the rain, enjoying the familiar smell it brings.

•You’d tell him you don’t mind the sewers at all. Its the people up top that scare you more.

•Telling him you want to spend the whole summer with him.

•Carrying one of his little bells around as a good luck charm.

•Doing your best to copy his maniacal clown laugh.

•Because you keep tripping or walking into things down in the dark sewers, you decide to set up some candles down there so you can see better. Pennywise isn’t too impressed now that his liar os scented and has mood lighting.

•Because your starting to spend more and more time down in the Neibolt house with him you end up moving some go your belongings there. Books, cassette tapes, maybe a favorite pillow. You accidentally left your sketchbook there once, only for him to find a few drawings of him inside. You, of course, would be embarrassed. But he would find it endearing and make you beg him to give the book back while he held it above you, just out of your reach.

•He’d pick you up and spin you around at random moments.

•When you were younger you got beat up a lot, Derry isn’t a very open-minded place. You eventually gain the reputation of being the girl you do not fuck with. Even before you knew Pennywise had his eye on you, bad things always seemed to happen to the people who mess with you. It was only later you figured out it was him. Your his precious, little human and no one is allowed to hurt you.

•There was one time on your way home a bunch of girls from school got the jump on you. One of them grabs onto your long hair, yanking it to keep you from running away. The self-proclaimed leader of the group starts kneeing you in the gut, while the rest chant insults at you. You fall to the ground which causes the tension on your scale to only get worst. Out of instinct, you’d try your best to curl up and use your arms to cover your head in order to block some of the blows. Despite your best efforts most of them would still hit their mark. Pennywise would come crawling out of the sewer at lightning speed, fangs fully exposed, causing your attackers to scatter. He managed to grab the girl that was kicking you by her neck, lifting her and making the most inhuman snarling noise. His mouth hanging open, teeth fully splayed and drool flooding past his lips. You’d never seen him look so terrifying. After that, he’d take you straight back down to the sewers. He’d feel bad seeing you sniffling back tears and whipping the blood from your busted lip onto your sleeve. He tries to comfort you by telling you he’d pick them off slowly, one by one so they knew what was coming before hugging you tightly. He wouldn’t let you leave the sewers for the next due to him being overly worried about you.

•He’d really like holding your hand. He thinks its really cute that your hand is so much smaller than his and that he basically wrap your hand up in his.

•If you’re doing something like reading where you sitting still than he’d constantly be sitting you in his lap. Because he’s so much taller than you, he would be able to rest his head on top of yours and just look down at whatever it is you’re doing.

•The first time he saw you cry, he would feel a bit awkward and not really know what to do. Eventually, he gets the hang of it tho. He’d pick you up and pull you on his lap. Wrapping his long arms around your smaller frame, rocking you back and forth and nuzzling his face against the side of yours until you calmed down and started breathing normally again. Pennywise doesn’t have a real physical heart. He would be fascinated by the sound of your heart beating. Similar to how he can smell when someone near him is afraid, he might be able to pick up when someone around him has an erratic, panicked heartbeat ( maybe our adrenaline causes something in him to react ). But he’s never just heard the steady, rhythmic thumping of a regular heartbeat. That small little organ, the thing that he generally eats is the reason you’re his. He would probably try and get either his head or his hand near your chest when you’re asleep so he can feel or hear it beating

#pining #sketches #quidditch

Prompts: @antique-moonglade
Author: @queenofthyme

Draco calmly set about mixing his paints. He’d perfected a particular shade of green only the day prior, and he wanted to get it exact. He had plenty of time to get it right before he needed to begin sketching. Quidditch practice didn’t start for another twenty minutes or so.

He’d set up his canvas quite a distance from the pitch so that the players wouldn’t see him.  Of course, that also meant he couldn’t see them that well either so, as always, he’d brought his binoculars to get the best view of his intended subject - it was a bit of a hassle using them and painting at the same time but it was better than the alternative - being caught.

Not even Pansy knew he was out here. Not for lack of trying of course. She’d even taken to following him in the mornings but Draco was careful. This morning he’d led her on a goose chase around the castle before finally giving her the slip and heading outside.

It was surprisingly warm for so early in the morning, the harsh glares of the sun already in full force. Draco had created a shade for himself - magically stretching out the branches of a nearby tree to shield his pale skin from the sun. But the players wouldn’t be so lucky. He could just imagine the sweat rolling down a particular player’s skin. It would make for a great painting if he could capture it correctly.

The green paint turned out exactly as he wanted it, a perfect replica of its inspiration, Draco thought. He set it aside, eager for the chance to use it later. Since he had time to kill, he figured he may as well get a start on the background, so he began lightly sketching in the lines of the Quidditch pitch and the surrounding stadiums with a thin pencil. He’d just started drawing the hoops at the far side of the pitch when a voice pulled him out of focus.

“Malfoy?”

The second hoop became oblong. He knew that voice.

“Potter,” he greeted automatically, his voice cold - a reflex.  He turned around quickly, his pencil falling into the grass.

Potter was squinting at Draco’s sketch, using his broomstick, firmly planted in the ground, to keep balance as he leaned forward. Despite only heading for a practice he was dressed in his full scarlet Gryffindor Quidditch uniform, complete with a protective chest plate handing loosely from his shoulders, waiting to be strapped on properly. Draco resisted the urge to fix it himself.

“You draw?”

A snarky What’s it you? on Draco’s lips was swallowed when Potter continued without waiting for an answer.

“Just the pitch? Or the players too?”

Panic filled Draco’s body settling itself as a niggling discomfort in his gut. “Just the pitch,” he said quickly, his eagerness to lie making him forget his desire to be contrary. Instead, his voice just came out rushed and squeaky. Lucky there were no witnesses otherwise his tough reputation would have been well and truly demolished, all by a couple of unextraordinary words from Harry Potter.

“Shame,” Potter said, standing up straight and lifting his broom. “Would you consider it? I’ve always wanted to be painted.”

Draco nodded against his will - what? Potter’s confidence was rather disconcerting. It clearly had the power to turn him into a squirming mess as well as a pathetic follower eager to please all at once.

Potter’s face lit up with a surprised smile - he obviously hadn’t expected Draco to be so agreeable - neither had Draco. “In that case, make sure you capture me from the left. It’s my good side.”

“Every side is your bloody good side,” Draco muttered to himself without thinking. Crap. There’s no way Potter hadn’t heard THAT embarrassing revelation. 

But Potter didn’t say anything further. He simply winked at Draco with those devilishly charming eyes (that made Draco’s knees go weak) before mounting his broom and flying off towards the pitch, his shape growing smaller and smaller until he was just a speck in the distance.

As soon as he could wrench his eyes away from Potter, Draco turned his focus to the shade of green paint he had created. He’d have to start again from scratch. It was nowhere close to the real thing.

Now that he had Potter’s blessing, more or less, he had to make everything perfect. After all, Potter would want to see the finished product. And Draco already knew that once he did, Potter would know exactly how Draco felt about him. How could he not when Draco channelled all of his emotions into his paintings? When every stroke of his brush that coloured Potter’s face was a gentle caress? It would be obvious to anyone.

Draco resigned himself to that fact and focused all his energy into the painting. If Potter liked it, Draco might just show him all the other finished canvases locked away in his dormitory too. It was about time someone else saw Draco’s work. And who better than Draco Malfoy’s muse, Harry Potter?


Draco was right of course. Potter returned immediately after practice, flushed and sweaty, expecting results. Draco didn’t have much to show yet - he’d spent most of his time working on mixing the right shades of green. But at the same time, he was almost certainly showing too much. Potter stared at the canvas for far too long.

Draco had started with Potter’s eyes and hadn’t got much further. Sketching over them again and again to get the precise shape, the precise look of concentration as Potter scanned the pitch for the snitch. And then came the colouring. What he had gotten wrong originally was trying to find the one right shade of green for Potter’s eyes, because there wasn’t one. There were a number of shades all swimming amongst each other. Vibrant. Ever changing. Alive. 

Draco thought he’d captured those eyes rather well in the end, but when Potter turned and his real eyes fixed themselves on Draco, all liveliness and wonder, Draco realised he’d never be able to do them justice. Potter’s eyes didn’t belong on paper. But Draco was starting to think, from the way Potter was blushing as he stared, that maybe, just maybe, Potter’s eyes belonged on Draco.

more like this l @queenofthyme

the foxes as anna kendrick's tweets
  • aaron: my life would be so much easier if it wasn't for that thing... God, what is that thing called... other people
  • neil: i woke up just before winning the argument in my dream. Fuck this day.
  • andrew: those discover cards ads that say "we treat you like you'd treat you" don't really work cause I feel like I'd treat me like a real dick
  • allison: is there a filter on instagram that fixes Bitchy Resting Face? asking for a friend
  • nicky: my patronus is a corgi
  • kevin: "you're the only person in the world I don't hate right now" is as close as I get to saying "I love you"
  • seth: If I die unexpectedly can everyone just do the right thing and pretend I was a way better person than I am?
  • renee: i'm the person who wouldn't send back my food even if I got steak when I'd ordered fish
  • dan: if i were a contestant on the bachelor i'd just end up falling in love with the weird sound guy and making things uncomfortable for everyone
  • matt: dudes i waited til i was home to tweet. i don't tweet and drive. i'll have you know i'm always too busy singing along to embarrasing music

Neighbour AU

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes, and Laurent’s neighbours having a loud argument every weekend. Laurent does not pay an exorbitant amount of rent just so that he can be woken up at three in the morning every Saturday because Jokaste is angry at Damen again. It’s bad enough that he knows their names without having ever introduced himself.

And of course, the fights are always followed by even louder make-up sex, as if he needs a weekly reminder that he himself isn’t getting any.

Tonight, it seems, Damen has been locked out of his apartment.

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