the only reason i am not jumping out the window right now tbh

Smells Like Sex

Summary: Being old friends with fuckboy!JB isn’t what you expected, but JB wants to change that. I suck at summaries.

A/N: Pretty short something from my old writing blog. I can’t believe I couldn’t think of the word shrug to the point that I had to use an emoji, but I kept it in anyways because I want you guys to know my struggle and it’s hilarious. Enjoy!! - Admin Kiwi 

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anonymous asked:

top clara/doctor (11 & 12) moments :) i'm on a claraxdoctor mood

ARE U SURE UR READY FOR THIS ANON

  • “Is there a word for total screaming genius that sounds modest and a tiny bit sexy?” “Doctor. You call me the Doctor.”
  • actually basically all of their flirting without ever actually seeing each other
  • run you clever boy and remember
  • “Oh, Oswin. Oh, you did it to them all. You beauty.”
  • “Nice name. Clara. You should definitely keep it.”
  • “Doctor who?”
  • that whole scene on the cloud
  • “Pond.”
  • that scene where he’s waving up at her window like a dumb lovestruck teenager or something
  • “I am your governess’s gentleman friend, and we’ve just been upstairs kissing!”
  • the actual kiss
  • “You’re going to have to take those clothes off.”
  • the bit where they’re throwing the umbrella back and forth bouncing off each other
  • (really i should just say all of The Snowmen it’d be faster)
  • “My eyes are always front.” “Mine aren’t.”
  • “I never know why. I just know who.”
  • “WILL YOU COME AWAY WITH ME?” *lies on the floor forever*
  • “We saved the world, Clara, you and me. We really, really did.”
  • “Where are you going?” “To find her. To find Clara!”
  • “Clara Oswin Oswald! Watch me run.”
  • the whole phonecall
  • the fact that he TURNS UP ON HER DOORSTEP
  • “Not this time, Clara, I promise you!”
  • “You’re safe now, I promise.”
  • “Is it like a snogging booth?”
  • “I can’t fly a plane! Can you?” (and, later, “I learned to fly a plane.”)
  • okay look this is going to take forever bc EVERYTHING IS MY FAVORITE let’s try and narrow it down even more
  • the whole scene in the TARDIS where he asks her to come with him and she LAUGHS IN HIS FACE MY QUEEN and then tells him to come back tomorrow
  • rushing to his side in Rings of Akhaten
  • “You. No one else. Clara.”
  • the way he clings to her after the confrontation with the Ice Warrior
  • “Saved the world then?” “Yep.” “That’s what we do.”
  • all of Hide. ALL OF HIDE but especially “Everything ends.” “No, not everything. Not love. Not always.” and “This isn’t a ghost story, it’s a love story!” (that cocky smirk she has at the end god bless)
  • “You’re like one of those guys who can’t go out with a girl unless his mother approves.”
  • “You meant the ship. I meant Clara.”
  • the scenes on the cliff and in the heart of the TARDIS (i still maintain that the heart of the TARDIS is one of the most gorgeous scenes ever bc all the white and the suspended blast and man i love it) “you are beautiful”
  • FAKE MARRIED FAKE MARRIED FAKE MARRIED
  • like honestly can we talk about the fact that the Doctor was apparently like “ah yes clearly the best idea here is for us to pretend to be married it’s definitely a good idea and will work”
  • the whole nose tap and forehead kiss and basically actually acting like a married couple tbh
  • “Who’s Clara? Why are you thinking about her so much?”
  • remember when the Cyberplanner decided that the best course of action out of literally everything it could find in the Doctor’s brain was to flirt with Clara BC I DO
  • he definitely didn’t want her to marry Porridge lbr (and the blocking on that scene was fab)
  • this girl literally flung herself into his timeline to save him AND HE FOLLOWED HER KNOWING HE MIGHT NOT SURVIVE i wish i was dead
  • “Clara! My Clara!”
  • that whole beginning scene in the TARDIS in DotD where they’re definitely married
  • “Be a Doctor.”
  • that cheek kiss tho (it’s more a corner of the mouth kiss really)
  • “Emergency. You’re my boyfriend.”
  • “I’m an English teacher from the planet Earth and I ran off with a man from space because I really fancy-”
  • “Why did you send me away?” why am i lying face down on my carpet
  • “Were you always so young?” “Nah, that was you.” listen listEN I CRY OVER THIS ON A DAILY FUCKING BASIS
  • she pleads for his life AND THEY LISTEN
  • remember the way Twelve immediately zeroed in on her like she was the only thing in existence
  • “If Vastra changed, if she wasn’t the person you… liked….” and Jenny’s having none of that bs “I don’t like her, ma’am, I love her” and you’re in love too so don’t pull that with me
  • “If there was anyone who could flirt with a mountain range, she’s probably standing in front of you right now!”
  • how many times will i cry over the phone call? the limit does not exist
  • “I don’t think I’m a hugging person now.” “I’m not sure you get a vote.”
  • “Clara Oswald, do I really not pay you?” “You couldn’t afford me.”
  • all the Clara/Marian and Doctor/Robin Hood parallels tbh
  • “When did you start believing in impossible heroes?” “Don’t you know?”
  • “Do you have your own mood lighting now? Because frankly, the accent’s enough.”
  • she literally influenced his entire life and is the reason why he calls himself the Doctor DON’T TOUCH ME
  • ‘CLARA CLARA DON’T GO ON A DATE HANG OUT WITH ME INSTEAD I’LL TAKE YOU COOL PLACES CLARA PLS I PLANNED EVERYTHING’ looking at her like a lovestruck puppy jfc
  • “Beat that for a date!”
  • “You’re wearing a different coat!” “You saw right through that.”
  • “How can you think I’m her dad, we both look exactly the same age!”
  • that fight at the end of KtM was painful but important and v good
  • look lbr they were about .5 seconds away from banging against a wall all through MotOE so idk what you want from me
  • “I love you.”
  • “Then what are you waiting for?”
  • Clara with the tiny TARDIS was adorable.
  • “What are you a Doctor of?” “Of lies!”
  • ‘DOCTOR DOCTOR GUESS WHAT I HAVE SOMETHING TO SHOW U’
  • “I could save you.”
  • on Clara’s balcony watching the trees disappear
  • “Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?”
  • she knows his entire history and i think that’s beautiful (especially since, given that her memories of her echo lives seemed to be sort of fuzzy, he probably TOLD her all of that)
  • “his best friend in all the universe”
  • “to save her soul?”
  • these idiots pulled a fucking Gift of the Magi on each other i hate them both
  • her faaaaaaace when she saw the Doctor again/got back in the TARDIS (Last Christmas breaks me it really does)
  • “How do we kill it?”
  • “Clara Oswald, you will never look any different to me.” THIS IS NEXT-LEVEL ROMANCE SHIT AND HE JUST SAYS IT LIKE IT’S NOTHING
  • “There was one other man. But it never would’ve worked out.” “Why not?” “He was impossible.” LITERALLY THE DOCTOR WAS THE ONLY OTHER MAN BESIDES HER DEAD BOYFRIEND SHE’D EVER MARRY HOW DO PEOPLE STILL DENY THIS IS A THING
  • “Please. Don’t even argue.”
  • PRETTY WOMAN POWER CHORDS
  • “When do I not see you?” I WANT TO JUMP OUT MY WINDOW BUT I’M ON THE BOTTOM FLOOR IT’S ONLY LIKE A FOOT DROP
  • literally on his knees beGGING FOR HER LIFE

oh god this is so long i’m so sorry anon

Smells Like Sex

Not My Gif. Credit to Owner

A/N: Another random thing I did. It is also shitty, but try to enjoy anways. Not proofread, so don’t mind some silly mistakes. If you want another part just message me. - Chiara

Word Count: 1,668

Requested: No

     This may sound like a typical story you hear on a daily basis, but trust me, I thought the same when I thought back on everything. I’ll explain what I’m about to go on about so you’re not as confused though. I’m (Y/n) and I’ve lived next to this….boy over 10 years. Yes we were best friends and it was a great time. But the keyword here is were. This unfortunate event happened when we entered high school, as I said, typical. He has his group of friends and I have mine. I don’t even get a single glance in school anymore, which is mostly because..well..he’s popular now. Again TYPICAL. What’s even worse is that he expects me to act like nothing has changed when we’re home and none of his friends are around. I’m just another person in school, which I don’t mind at all cause I don’t take a lot of attention very well. Another question you probably have is if I had/have a crush on him. The answer is yes I had a crush on him, but it’s long gone by now (or at least I think it is). That was when he was the sweet kid next door , with his fluffy hair that he loved to keep in a bandana, who would throw rocks at my window to see if I wanted to go on an adventure with him. As we grew, those adventures were less frequent, but he still tried to reach out to me whenever he can. Now he’s this stone cold douche with wavy hair (tbh it looks beautiful) who flaunts around like he owns the whole town. And of course his looks would allow him to do exactly that. He became more toned, broad a bit, and muscular all of a sudden making girls drop to their knees for him. And don’t get me started on his fingers. The problem that occurred with this is that he knew what he did to girls all over the school, hell even the the female teachers. But I know that giggly shy boy is still inside him every time I here the sound of a drums being roughly played in his room (I’m not sure if I mentioned this or not but his window is right across from mine). I just wish he would bring him back instead of locking him away. Oh and one more important thing, his name was Ashton Irwin. 

 ————-

     Another boring day in this miserable day at school and it was finally last period. My days have been a bit terrible this past week. The fact that I ended my days with Ashton in my English didn’t make it any better. You would think he’s dumb as shit like some of the many friends he hangs out with, but he actually wasn’t. He always had pretty good stories that had meaning to it (the only reason I know this is because the teachers always read his aloud). Surprise surprise. Ashton sat in the front of the class for the “perfect view” of Mrs. Roy’s boobs. She always wore button down blouses with her black pencil skirt, but never actually fully buttoned her blouse all the way. You would always be able to see her bra a bit allowing glimpses of her boobs and the rest for the imagination, which I’m pretty sure she did just for Ashton. As I said, he’s even got the female teachers swooning for him. Rumor has it that he’s fucked a couple of them, even the principal which I think is going a bit too far with the rumor. Moving on, I waited for the bell to inevitably ring to get the hell out of here, but nothing goes my way so every second felt like I’d been there for hours. I’d been so out of it that I didn’t notice the teacher ask me a question about a book we were reading causing everyone’s eyes to be on me. Embarrassed, I quickly snapped my head in her direction in time for Mrs. Roy to restate the question. I lowered my head and quickly mumbled the answer loud enough for her to hear and have practically the whole class chuckle or snicker at me. Great. While I was too busy being ashamed of myself with my head down on my desk, I didn’t realize Ashton staring at me without even a laugh at the events that just happened before the teacher called his attention to the front. 

      The bell finally rang and I was first to be up out of my seat. Unfortunately, the teacher told me to stay after class to talk (probably about how I’ve been out of it all week). Groaning, I reluctantly walked up to her desk waiting for everyone else to leave. Just as I suspected, she just went on about how I haven’t been taking enough interest on the class and other things that I zoned out on. I was just too tired to even care what she was babbling on about. After that, I quickly left the room only to bump straight into Ashton’s body. This day just keeps getting better. Just don’t look up. Don’t look up. I soon hear him clear his throat making me jump back and…look up. Dammit. He had a smug smirk on his face like always and his hands in his pockets. “Look who we have here,” he says after a moment of silence. I scoff and roll my eyes before trying to move around him. Of course to my dismay he blocked my everywhere I tried to side step. “I don’t get a high back from my best friend?” He pouted. What kind of game is he trying to play here. 

 “Go away Irwin,” I retaliate.

 “What’s with the formality baby girl?” He grins. The nickname made me cringe physically and mentally. It’s one of the many nicknames he uses before and after he shags a girl.

 “Just move out my way please, I’ve had shit day and you’re just making it worse,” I sigh starting to get a bit irritated. By now the halls were practically empty since everyone was in a rush to get home. 

“And here I thought I was gracing you with my presence,” he says mockingly offended and moved from in front of me, “you may be dismissed.” I am so close to slapping him. He then enters Mrs. Roy’s classroom giving me a wink before closing the door with a key like sound. Did he just lock the door? Holy shit maybe the rumors are true. Standing alone in the hall I finally exit the school walking straight home with my bed in thought. 

——

     It was about 9pm by now as I sat at my window sill dozing off. I’d finish my homework a while and often sat here to put my mind at ease. Ashton and I used to do this together, but stopped abruptly. I got used to it and found it more relaxing in the end. I was enjoying the peace until I heard loud moaning coming from a certain someone’s room. Looks like it’s that time of night. I open my eyes, agitated that the silence was gone and looked over at Ashton’s window, which made me almost fall off the window sill onto my floor. Ashton was having sex with a chick right against the window. The worst he’s done was leave his window open while having sex, but this is going to far. What’s even worse is that I know he’s doing it on purpose because he is looking straight at me smirking. Annoyed and disgusted, I quickly get up from my window sill and move to my desk trying to rid the scene from my mind. Of course hearing him and the girl moaning so loud I can hear it through my window didn’t help so I decide to go downstairs for a snack..a very long snack. 

      By the time I returned to my room, it was nearly 12AM and I was still in my day clothes. I stripped down to my bra and underwear before I heard something hit my window. Curious, I turn towards my window and slowly walk towards it forgetting about my appearance. Another small object is thrown at my window when I get there and see that it’s none other than Ashton. What does he want? He’s sitting on his window sill with one leg outside dangling. He did look pretty attractive with his messy hair, sweats, and a muscle tee. Wait what am I thinking? “What?” I spoke while opening my window. 

“Someone’s in a sassy mood..and a sexy one at that too,” he flirts while checking me out. That’s the moment I realized I what I was wearing and quickly hid myself below the window. “Oh come on babe no need to be shy,” Ashton calls out and I can almost hear the smirk on his face. I decide to crawl to my dresser and pull on shorts and a t-shirt before returning to the window where I’m met by a pouting Ashton. “I was enjoying the view.” 

“A view never to be seen,” I bite back and lean on the side of my opened window. “So what did you want?” I questioned. I was actually confused and surprised he’d try getting my attention. 

 “Nothing, just bored,” he began, “and wanted to know if you enjoyed the show I did for you earlier. It was too good of a chance to pass up,” he smirks. 

“It was even more revolting than the rest,” I say unamused. “If that’s all you wanted I’m gonna just close my window now.”

 “Wait—“ Ashton says quickly while I’m slowly closing my window 

“What? I can’t hear you,” I pretend with a smile. 

“(Y/N)!”

 “Oh nooo….it’s almost closed,”

 “Damnit (Y/n)” 

Once it’s closed I do an action along the lines of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and close my curtains. (Shrug).

 “What a pig,” I mumble to myself.

5x23 WOAH - finale is so close

Lots of things to note and at last some good old fashioned clues. This post is long with no interesting pictures but I hope you all likey, here goes:

  • VARJAKS PHONE NUMBER - I am glad Spencer recognized the phone number from the paper clippings. She didn’t work out that it spelled Sara Harvey yet though. Imagine if the characters were as smart as the fans.
  • SPENCERS HOUSE - Mr Dilaurentis pointed out that Spencers house is the one with a big gate and wall. Interesting because of what Grunwald said about “GATES and walls, dams and barriers”. The gates keep coming up but this is the first time they have been directly linked to the house of Hastings
  • ANDREW ON MONA - Andrew said “the only thing Mona likes more than winning is taking all the credit” Also indicating that she wasn’t the best team player. I wonder if she took all the credit for everything -A did and enjoyed feeling as though they were her plan’s.
  • DOES VARJAK WANT ALI IN PRISON OR NOT - At first I thought Varjak was a helper of Alison’s and that they were trying to get her put in prison to keep her safe. (Varjak used James Neilan to set up the Bethany letter which made Alison look like she lured Bethany to Rosewood to kill her, and Varjak hurt Cyrus so that Alison could not use him as an Alibi. But If we jump on Spencers train of thought, that Cyrus was going to testify for the prosecution that Alison was never really kidnapped. Then it makes it seem like Varjak hurt Cyrus to stop him from testifying. Meaning Varjak was helping Alison’s case not the prosecutions case. WTF does Varjak want to do - set Ali up or get her off. (I’m starting to think Varjak didn’t plant that stuff but went to James Neilan the same way that Ezra did - to find out who did plant it and James Neilan decided to help Varjak out with info etc. meaning Varjak is helping get Ali off) 
  • IS VARJAK -A - The newpaper ad’s were real and hidden by Ali. But the Holly passport and Bethany letter were fake and set up. Ali thought the ad’s were being sent by Mona because they stopped when Mona was killed. But the ad’s had the same number that Varjak had and Varjak is linked to James Neilan who was a part of the set up stuff.  The number really indicates that everything was coming from the one person….Varjak. Also Varjak’s place is different to -A’s lair. But then -A is seen at the end in the lair shredding Varjak’s stuff (which I assume was the stuff Neilan got from the Varjak safe). So I guess I have to conclude that either:
    • Varjak and -A are the same person.
    • Or they are working together
    • Or Varjak is another pawn in -A’s plan.
    • Or Varjak is a made up alias for -A.
    • Or -A was one step ahead of the  liars in finding Varjak and has already got rid of him and his stuff.
    • Aurghhhhhhh my heads going to explode. keep reading cause I think I figure it out by the last dot point!!!
  • THE CHILDRENS BEDTIME STORY - “Goodnight Moon”. So many things I wan’t to discuss about this. I will have to do a seperate post.
  • THE FRENCH MUSIC - “Paris Skies A” by Edward Jay, Eve Loiseau & Vasco (thankyou pll wikia page for this) Can someone who speaks french please tell me what they are singing. I can’t believe Spencer didn’t translate it for us. We all know she is AP french.
  • RABBIT HOLE - Anyone catch Emily say that they are “all gunna get dragged down the rabbit hole with Ali”. Yet another reference to Alice in Wonderland. please see my now ancient post on this HERE. Or maybe -A stands for Alice. Could it be that simple.
  • SPENCER - When talking to jason about being wrong and grey area’s. She finally admitted that she jumps to conclusions, usually the wrong ones. And -A knows she does this and has been using it against her. Who knows Spencer well enough to exploit these traits in her personality (?Melissa or Toby)
  • TED - Funny that he would talk to Ashley about having a clean slate, the episode after -A wiped the slate clean for the messages on the liars phones. Overall I think he is a really decent fellow. I loved the way he insisted on finishing his coffee. Like he knew Ashley was just pushing him away and he was determined to stay with her. It’s also funny that Ashley and Hanna both did this to their partners in a time of trouble.
  • MONA’S ROOM - So the Varjak phone number person (whoever the F they are) lured them to Mona’s room just to make out like they found the only remaining clues from Mona. I would have thought maybe they were hoping the girls would find a clue there for them. But they must have been inside looking already to put the note, play the music and unlock the front door. I thought what a silly thing to do, why bother  It backfired on them anyway because they did find a clue. (But then I worked it out….keep reading)
  • NICE TOUCH - Notice the shiny silver A on Monas record player.
  • MONA’S NOTE - So straight away pretty obvious each of the 3 lines contained the same letters. Explains IMK tweet clues clues clues. same thing 3 times. so I looked here on tumblr and lots of people have already solved the anagram to Charles Dilaurentis. GOSH, This with the finale spoilers means they are really going with the “charles” thing. I AM A LITTLE ANNOYED TBH. I wanted something more from the show than a brother of Alison is -A. I guess this also explains the other IMK tweet with the manequins saying “brother. But I thought they would have weaved in way more magic than that. I think its a bit of a let down. I am still trying to solve the anagram to be something else…… On a side note the message was written using a typewriter. like the 2 messages in S1/2
  • HIDING PLACES - notice the person who ransacked Mona’s room knew to look in the doll’s heads and the air vent. Same places Ali has used in the past to hide things.
  • ANDREW - I think they are making him look suss. Honestly I think he is so smart he has probably figured out what’s going on and is looking out for the girls.
  • ASHLEY - Anyone catch how she said to Hanna "this is all my fault”, reminded me of Mrs D in the black veil in Ali’s dream in the Xmas episode. Could this be another hint that black veil is a parent.
  • THE WHIPSER MACHINE - I wonder if the other whispers might give us parallel’s to other secrets:
    • I took $ from my mum’s purse and she thought it was my brother
    • The brooken headlight, I did that, I think I dont remember much of that night
    • I hate my boobs they are like a complete joke
    • The dog didn’t run away, I left the gate open on purpose
  • AN ICE PICK - I thought the thing that broke Mona’s window looked more like an ice pic than a screwdriver. This was kinda confirmed when it had Boo Boo’s ice cream factory written on the side. Interesting that it is another reference to ice (see here for other fire and ice stuff). I guess this means that the police will be directed to the ice cream factory and find the girls fingerprints. So maybe this was the reason that -A sent the girls to Mona’s, just to set up the next set up. -A is too smart.
  • A ENDING SCENE - Aside from the obvious shredding of Varjak’s stuff. Notice the M on the shredder. Also -A was using their left hand again.
  • AND TIPPI - was still singing that phone number. Makes me think Spencer got the original number wrong and this was how -A found the Varjak number…. If I am right this could mean that Varjak was helping Ali, but -A found Varjak and used Neilan to set Varjak up and take over Varjak and get rid of him. Maybe -A killed Varjak already and has taken over his place and is going to turn it into the giant dollhouse!
the adventure of the engineer’s thumb

Okay guys I brought my copy of canon to don’t judge me happy hour this morning and blew through two cocktails and The Adventure of the Engineer’s Thumb in one hour

I had never heard of this story, it hasn’t been covered in any of the Holmes adaptations that I had seen, so I was like, why not, and now I have big drunk things to say about it because this story is so fucking extra, so gather round and I’m going to tell you all about it

drunken ramblings beneath the jump cut because I’m bored and why not

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