I think I need to see everything that’s not the inside of a hospital. I need to travel and explore and hike and breathe. I want to breathe it all in, away from the monitors, and the blood, and the sterile gowns. Away from saving other people’s lives, I want my own. It’s time I live my own.
That’s too easy. People would just go to the archive, find the first post and name it. There is only one thing that could bring an amigo real honour, and that is to like every single prompt on this blog. Given that, I assume only 1 out of every 50k amigos really, really want to be on the Wall.
you didn’t know how to tell them that your life looks good but you don’t wish it on someone else. that yes you had a roof overhead and got birthday presents. you remember opening boxes with nothing personal inside of them. makeup when you were 15 because that’s what “all teenage girls” wanted. sometimes a dress in the wrong size, sometimes tickets to a band concert you no longer listened to and hadn’t in a while. no talking at dinner tables, missed performances, absent student-teacher meetings. no hugs unless it’s in public and only then by necessity. no conversations about real things, only requests for chores or screaming. it’s a house you don’t know anyone in, it’s a family who couldn’t care less, it’s never knowing love. it’s empty things that slowly add up. but your home was fine, right? it was fine enough.
A Highschool AU SnowBaz fic for the Carry On Valentine’s Celebration
might not be entirely truthful to say that Baz joined Vocal Jazz because he
loved singing. This is not to say that
he didn’t love singing, it just wasn’t
something that he tended to broadcast.
And yes, Vocal Jazz was a good way of coming out of his shell, breaking
past that barrier of shyness when it came to his own voice, plus maybe making
However, let’s just say that Baz
might not have auditioned if it weren’t for the blonde-haired blue-eyed tenor.
And maybe he didn’t get up for those
early morning practices before class purely because he loved singing, but
because he loved something else. Someone
Baz was more than a little
disappointed when the group was split into two for the Valentine’s Day Musical Candy
Gram event. Granted, some might find it
a little overwhelming to have ten people singing at them in front of the class,
but couldn’t he at least have been put in Simon’s group?
No, because the ensemble only had
two basses and two tenors. Both groups
needed one of each, and Simon couldn’t miss third class.
So Baz was left to swallow his
disappointment as he followed his group down the halls of Watford High, singing
excerpts of Beatles songs at poor unsuspecting students. Objectively, it was a cute little setup. They would barge into a classroom with the
chorus of “She Loves You”. Then Trixie,
one of the sopranos, would call out the names of any “lucky” students, who
would then have to make their embarrassing way to the front of the room to
accept a flower or a card or both from Trixie and be serenaded with “8 Days A
Week”. All in all, not horrible. Objectively.
Baz was just glad he wasn’t on the subjective side of things.
After fourth period, which he spent
both quietly chuckling at the sound of his choir mates in nearby classrooms,
and also praying they wouldn’t burst into his classroom or, heaven forbid,
bestow a Musical Candy Gram upon him,
Baz returned to the empty music room for his coat, which he had left there when
the group had met at lunch. As he buttoned
up the coat, he couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit melancholy. He hated to admit it to himself, but while
singing was great, it was nothing compared to singing with Simon. Because when he
was singing with Simon it made “I’ll
Be Seeing You”, their competition piece, feel different. He wasn’t just singing words; it was more of
an outlet. Like pouring his bottled-up
feelings down a drain. They weren’t
going to Simon, but at least they were going somewhere.
loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah…”
Baz’s heart sank when all nine of his
choir mates filed into the room, singing and snapping their fingers, this time
directing their song at him, but he had to smile a little.
“Really?” he smirked as Trixie came
forward to hand him a single rose with a card attached by a ribbon. “Is this all necessary?” In response, they burst into “8 Days A Week”,
beaming at him like he’d won some sort of prize. It was mortifying, but it was almost nice.
snuck a glance at Simon, who was singing through a grin, and even though he
knew he was probably blushing, Baz held his gaze for a few more seconds, saving
the sight to replay later.
who’s it from then?” he demanded when the others had finally finished
singing. “There’s no name on the card.”
a secret admirer!” squealed Trixie, but nobody had an answer for him. Baz didn’t miss the smirk that twisted Simon’s
mouth though, or how smug the boy looked when he left the room.
know, don’t you?”
didn’t answer right away, but Baz saw his mouth twitch. “Know what?”
sent me the card and the flower yesterday.”
Baz tried to sound indifferent as he trawled through the philosophy
section of the library. “I could see it
on your face.”
pulled a book on Aristotle off the shelf, not looking at Baz. “It’s possible,” he drawled. “After all, you are my best friend, I ought to
know who has a crush on you.”
you ought to do is tell me, best friend.”
can’t,” Simon turned to him
giggling. “If I tell you who sent the
Valentine, it would be breaking confidence.”
He solemnly put one hand over his heart and one in the air by his
head. “I am under oath.”
oath to whom?”
person who sent it, of course.”
shot a look at him. “So you’ve talked to
them about it?”
could say that.”
being annoyingly cryptic.”
you have any suspicions?”
course Baz had thought about it all day yesterday after school, but his mind
had kept wandering back to what Baz wanted. Because there was only one person he wanted
to be behind the Valentine.
if Baz was being honest with himself, it Simon hadn’t sent it, Baz didn’t want
just shrugged. “No one I can think of
really makes sense.”
love doesn’t make sense,” Simon murmured in reply, so softly that Baz thought
maybe it wasn’t for him to hear. Granted
they were in a library, but still.
you tell me if I guessed correctly?”
guarantees, but you have permission to interrogate me. Ask away.”
raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean ‘hopefully’?”
in theory,” Simon stammered, “whoever sent it cares about you enough to know
that you’re gay, and if it were a girl, hopefully she would respect you enough
to know better than to send you a Valentine.”
had to admit he had a point. “So basically
what you’re saying is that it was a boy?”
smiled. “If that’s what you think.”
thought occurred to him. “It wasn’t
Agatha, was it? Just to get that off the
it was not,” Simon admitted, “that would be a bit weird.”
since she’s still carrying a torch for you,” Baz snorted, maybe a little louder
than was appropriate in a library. Simon
gave a wry smile that Baz couldn’t quite interpret.
wasn’t her,” Simon assured him, “guess again.”
was honestly stumped. There just wasn’t
anyone else who seemed even the least bit interested in him. He had thought that maybe Dev had had
feelings for him a few years earlier, but now Dev was happily involved with his
girlfriend, which eliminated that possibility.
Simon smirked. “No one?”
just isn’t anyone who shows any signs of liking me like that,” Baz shrugged.
might be surprised at the number of people who would gladly date you. I mean, you’re certainly not hard to look at.”
shot a surprised glance at Simon, who was apparently very interested in a
chapter about nihilism. Did he just…
there anyone you want it to be from?” Simon asked quickly, like he didn’t want
Baz to question him further.
looked up at him with a smile that seemed just a little bit painted, and looked
back down quickly. “You should ask them,”
he said in an overly cheery voice, “you could get lucky.”
no point,” Baz shook his head.
no way it was them,” he chuckled sadly, “absolutely no way.”
shrugged without looking at him. “Maybe
that’s for the best. If you never know
who it was, you can just imagine that it was who you wanted it to be, and the
person can just imagine that you like them back.”
didn’t have an answer for that. It
sounded like an easy solution, to just let the whole thing fade away and
imagine that Simon had picked out the rose with care, that he had skirted
around Baz when the group prepared all the Candy Grams so that Baz wouldn’t
find his own name among the Valentines.
That he had done something silly like kiss the card before tying it to
it was too good to be true, and Baz knew it.
He would never stop wondering if he didn’t find out for sure.
he steeled himself and forced the words out of his mouth: “Was it you?”
looked up at him with practiced innocence, but his eyes betrayed a touch of
fear. “Why would you think that?”
just had to ask,” Baz floundered, hoping he hadn’t gone as scarlet as he
felt. “So that’s a ‘no’ then?”
it’s not a ‘no’.”
brain was going at a thousand miles per second, and yet he couldn’t for the
life of him comprehend what Simon was saying.
“Oh,” was his scholarly response.
“So that means…”
stared straight ahead into the bookcase.
“I sent it. You got me.”
finally turned to look at him. “Why? Gee, I don’t know, Baz!” He was whispering, but with so much force
that it felt to Baz like he was shouting.
“Maybe because in all the years we’ve been friends you have astounded me
and I only just made sense of it all!
Maybe because you’re brilliant and gentle and so goddamn beautiful and
when you sing I never want you to stop, and even if you never found out who
sent you the stupid flower or if you didn’t care, at least I would have tried
to tell you how much I like you, at least I would have -”
next sound he made was one of shock as Baz’s mouth covered his own.
sound after that was one of oh god,
finally because Baz had him backed against the philanthropy section and was
tangling his fingers in Simon’s curls, burying his lips in heat and need and oh, this is what all the hype is about
and it was a million times better than Simon could have hoped for.
oath to whom, again?” Baz teased against Simon’s lips, and Simon laughed
lightly as he snaked his arms around Baz’s neck, already desperate for more.
got me,” he whispered, reaching up for Baz’s mouth again, and Baz couldn’t help
but grin as Simon pulled him down to meet him. Baz angled his head and deepened the kiss, a
low sigh escaping his throat. In the
back of his head he remembered the rose and the card, and took to moment to
appreciate the fact that he wouldn’t be throwing them away after all before
setting up a long, slow rhythm against Simon’s mouth like they had all the time
in the world.