the only girl ive ever loved

I. We go out for a swim at night and I purposely touch my skin on his. I expect it to burn but I only felt my desire to love fading, fading.

II. We stand together and our shoulders kissed sometimes. He had a girl on his mind but when we separate half of his heart is already mine. But my heart is not his, it’s still mine.

III. I’ve never met eyes as sad as his and it seduced me. But as we talk I let his sadness consume me and I had to leave. I had to leave.

IV. He said he loved me once and ever since I’m trying to make him fall for me again. But he has moved on and I can’t risk loving someone who doesn’t love me.

V. I told him, “Don’t fall in love with me.” But I kinda wish he did. Kinda wish he broke the rules, broke my heart, and save it altogether. He didn’t.

VI. I want to put him on this list but I can’t find flaw. But we screwed up and I wish I was the one who end things but it’s him. Not me. He did.

—  owlandowly // all the boys I’ve tried to love but failed

Hi everyone, sorry ive not been on here. Been busy and lots of things going on. Well its official, 3 months ago me and my daughter began a sexual relationship. It was her first time with another woman and she told me she had been very curious about girls, and had been fantasizing about me in particular. After we both confessed our feelings for each other we made love. It is the most satisfying sex ive ever had, not only are we lovers, we are in love. We even went on vacation as a couple, what a thrill it was to hold hands, dance, and kiss around people who had no idea we were mother and daughter. It really adds to the excitement. Id love to hear from other moms or daughters who have the same experience

the only sebastian stans i will accept in this fandom is the original sebastian stan, you know the guy who played carter baizen on gossip girl I hear he’s a big fan of sh 

This just in

I think I’m bi

anonymous asked:

im a fat brown girl who leans more towards girls and you know i just get so depressed sometimes to think that no one will ever love me the only pictures ive seen taken at pride are skinny people and all over my dash its all skinny girls and... idk... im sorry im just ranting

Here’s the thing: all fat people feel this way. Being a fat person of color who also isn’t straight adds an extra challenge, because it makes your dating pool even smaller than that of white straight fat girls. It provides a lot of hurdles, and I can see why you’d feel a lack of confidence. But I want you to know that you’re not alone and many people have been in your shoes, even if you don’t see them.

Fat sapphics of color get dates. They get married. They have families. They have happy endings. You might not see it, but it happens, and it can happen to you.

@fat-and-sapphic @fatwlw Do you think you could help this person? I want them to know that they are beautiful and that there is hope.

-Mod Bella

no you know what im going on a rant. 

i’ve had a week.

and im so tired of women writers always being the targets. because you know what?? i dont! i don’t like twilight i dont like the romanticization of an abusive relationship! But you will never ever make me believe the complaints were because of that because 99% of the complaints i ever heard were a flavor of “lol sparly vampires” and “lol teenagers love this” and only 1% tackled the actual abusive relationship

like, im sorry girls and women liked something that catered to them enough to make it popular?

like do you want to bet it would have been considered a masterpiece and even feminist if the author had been a man? the fucking drizzt books have unhealthy relationships. as far as ive been told so do the witcher books. tracy hickman literally wrote two women as metaphors of what an evil sexually liberated woman is and what a good demure christian woman is supposed to be. and ppl gobble those books up. 

like honestly same with 5sog (and don’t come telling me that bdsm is nothign like it because 90% of the male-run bdsm blogs are even worse). i’ve read worse sex in male-written books that are hailed as great and masterpieces. 

(and im not saying these books are above criticism. of course they’re not! im just pointing out how other books which are worse go under the criticism radar)

admit it. it’s just because the writer is a woman and it caters to women. and you just ride the hating wave.

On Eleven's childhood, and Papa

Eleven, psychokinetic girl-child prodigy with the gravest darkest saddest eyes, was stolen from her mother when she was a baby.  Terry Ives christened her lost daughter ‘Jane’, in the government research facility where she was raised the girl was only ever referred to as a number (we spell out the number Eleven instead of using the digits 011 out of respect to El’s personhood).

We know from studies in child development that babies and children require the nurture and affection of adults or they turn out… well. If children do not acquire language before a certain age, they will remain unable to speak for the rest of their life. Their entire mental development can be stunted. If they are not loved, they are more likely to develop psychological and emotional problems.

So, Papa. How do you raise a child in isolation without turning her into a feral? Every science experiment needs a methodology. Did Dr Brenner volunteer to be her papa, or was his ascension to parenthood agreed upon by the board? Is Dr Brenner, in fact, Eleven’s biological papa? How did Dr Brenner raise his dear daughter?

I imagine it went something like this.

Dr Brenner hovers over Eleven’s sterile hospital cradle while she sleeps. He picks her up, and pats her back. He doesn’t do this often but he has to do it sometimes. She must be tended carefully, like a tomato patch. When she cries he shushes her and sings to her a nursery rhyme.

Dr Brenner makes sure Eleven knows, early on, that his love is conditional on her pliability. She must make Papa happy, which means letting him put the weird knobby wiry thing on her head, and sitting still when she’s told to. She must be silent. If she’s good he will bring her a picture book, and read to her for a little while. She must be easy to control, but she mustn’t be stupid or unable to communicate. She must want to please Papa. He brings the books, but he never leaves them for her to keep.

Dr Brenner brings her a picture book with little girls and boys in it. Eleven doesn’t know which is which until Papa points out that the ones with the long hair are girls and the ones with short hair are boys. “Am I a boy?”, Eleven asks Papa. He shakes his head. “No, you’re a little girl.” He smudges a finger against an illustration of a girl with long bright hair. “Isn’t she pretty?” He says it with a twinkle. She asks him if she can have hair like that, her voice hushed from disuse. Papa is silent. Then he says, in that tone she knows well by now, that if she does her best and makes papa happy, then yes, she can have hair like the pretty girls.

Dr Brenner still sings a nursery rhyme to her every night. When she has memorised it, they rig her up. It is her big day. He has already explained what she is to do. Go deep, and listen. Seek with your mind. Search for Papa’s voice and the nursery rhyme.

Dr Brenner takes her outside, sometimes. When she has made him happy. They never go beyond the fence, but he lets her sit on the grass and clutch at the flowers peeping at her with their curious eyes. She has seen squirrels and trees and clouds. Papa is always close by, and she is happy.

Eleven is six years old when it happens. She was cold and she would not stop fidgeting. She would not stop kicking. Papa turns away with patient disappointment in his eyes. “Will you behave or not?” He is cold. She cries and cries, and so he picks her up and takes her down a corridor she has never seen before. At first she is not scared. It is when they enter the dark room, and he sets her down and pulls the door shut behind him that she begins to scream.

Eleven doesn’t talk to anyone except Papa. The white coats talk at her and about her. They turn away when Papa carries her, limp and sweating, out of that corridor.

Eleven remembers the first time she saw someone die. He was trying to enter the compound while she was outside. He was shouting. A guard shot him in the head with the metal thing he always carried at his belt. She had thought it was a key. In her room that night, she makes the shape of it with her fingers and holds it to her temple.

Dr Brenner makes sure she knows how to read and write. He asks to her to describe what it is like when she listens with her mind. When she has written half a page he smiles and passes the document to a technician. A month later he brings her a soft toy. It is always like this. When she crumpled the coke can he brought her a blank sheet of paper and some crayons. There are so many tests these days. But there are no more nursery rhymes or picture books. They do not sit outside anymore.

Eleven gives and gives and gives. It is all she knows how to do. When Papa first tells her about the bath, she knows better now than to say she will not do it. Any request from Papa, she has long since realised, is not really a request at all. She speaks only when he expects her to. It is always like this. She dreams of clouds and trees beyond the fence. She loves and she fears.

The day Eleven touches the upside down she knows she has to escape. It is too close. It will come here. She senses it. From the dark between worlds it will come. Papa will be so upset to find her gone. She cries as she crawls through the storm drain, and for for the first time, there is no one to quiet her.

5got tagged by @not-a-webaloo, a very awesome person, but imma answer on my main blog instead of my fma blog, @calangkoh

Rules: answer all questions (that you can), add one question of your own and then tag as many people as there are questions

coke or pepsi: hate soda sorry

disney or dreamworks: love both, but disney

coffee or tea: TEA 

books or movies: movies. pfft reading is for nerds (scoots in front of pile of fanfiction ive read)

windows or mac: i mean ive only ever had a mac so mac

dc or marvel: marvel

x-box or playstation: im a nintendo girl but we had a playstation with awesome games, particularly the simpsons hit and run

dragon age or mass effect: never played either

night owl or early riser: night owl

Cards or chess: depends on my mood

chocolate or vanilla: chocolate, but not chocolate ice cream. ew.

vans or converse: converse

Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: what

fluff or angst: give me all the angst and make me cry

beach or forest: forest

dogs or cats: dogs

clear skies or rain: cant pick. im always happy with either.

cooking or eating out: cooking

spicy food or mild food: i like spicy, but prefer mild

would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: a little too cold because otherwise i sweat and feel like i cant breathe

if you could have a superpower, what would it be: the ability to either freeze or slow down time <<im keeping this answer cuz same

animation or live action: animation forever my dude <<same

paragon or renegade: what are these, bands or something?

baths or showers: showers

team cap or team ironman: eh. cap cuz hes nice, ironman cuz hes funny.

fantasy or sci-fi: um it really depends. i tend to dislike classic fantasy (like lotr) and classic sci fi (like star trek), but i love modern takes on the genres (like combining them with other genres, not following cliche tropes, etc)

do you have three or four favorite quotes, if so what are they: just pick any parks and rec or the office quote and its probably way up there

youtube or netflix: netflix

harry potter or percy jackson: PERCY JACKSON

when you feel accomplished: when i pull through something difficult, or push myself outside my comfort zone; or when i brighten up someones day

star wars or star trek: space balls <<dude SAME

paperback books or hardback books: paperback because theyre easy to hold and carry and you can bend and break them and not feel bad 

to live in a world without literature or without music?: i wanna say music, but where would music be without literature? so trick question because you can’t have one without the other. theyre both art.

who was the last person to make you laugh?: honestly? myself.  

sour or sweet candy: sweet

do you believe in aliens?: i mean not in the classic way, but theres definitely life out there somewhere, though the likelihood of an alien race living at the same time as us when time in infinite is questionable

dawn or dusk: dusk

piercings or tattoos: is this a preference? cuz on my own body i dont like either. but id choose tattoos

girls? HOT?????: hell yes!

snow or fog: snow

do you sleep facing the wall or the room?: the wall

TRC or AFTG: ???

horror or drama: drama.

ocarina of time or majora’s mask?: i feel like both have gameplay that gets old and tedious, but majoras mask is more unique in storyline, characters, and mechanics imo. yup a hardcore zelda fan just said she doesnt care for oot. sorry guys.

would you rather live in an area of more nature or city?: my heart/soul says nature but my mind says city 

what’s your addiction right now?: i think im always addicted to tumblr and its sad 

what languages can you speak?: english, some spanish, a tiny bit of french

If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?: if it was plausible definitely like rome. but i picture myself in a small apartment in the city for the first half of my adult life before moving to a place in new england where theres plenty of hilly, grass fields and farmland and a balance of forests and hiking trails. 

sun or moon?: sun

potato bread or banana bread?: banana bread

pick a friends character to be your spirit animal: chandler because we both use humor and sarcasm to mask insecurity lmao

so you guys dont have to do this, and im not gonna tag that many people (i would totally tag all my mutuals if i could), but I tag: @fanastyfinder @bpdrussell @avaritiabonaest @leg-less-lego-legolas @boasamishipper @caroline1539 @yabitchass and @angelwing430 

I get clingy bc i have attachment issues probably stemming from the fact that 1) ive only ever been let down by people (emo i know) and 2) i never really felt like my mom loved me (ive forgiven, she has issues too) which is why im needy and need to be constantly validated by the person i start to fall for. I fall super hard in the beginning to  and have to constantly critique my own behavior to make sure i dont seem too obsessed even if the girl likes me back

In essence, im unfit for relationships, and must continue the fuck buddy lifestyle.

listen i love all the foxes (matt and nicky alone make me want to write gilgamesh-esque epics in their praise) but the girls. the girls

  • dan wilds is a goddamn force of nature but i think people expect her to be after three years of captaining a team that was shitty to her and absolutely fucking owning her past as a sex worker (and her old stripper friends are mentioned!! frequently!! with much love!!). and her reaction to neil or anyone on her team (HER team. HER family.) is so heartbreaking like she will go to the ends of the earth for all of them, even the twins.
  • but allison has no such excuse, so when u sit back and realize that this girl not only gave up her inheritance to play Exy, she also takes an hour to get ready in the morning ur like ‘fuck this is one of the strongest female characters ive ever seen ‘ and ur fucking RIGHT she is, playing after Seth, fucking backhanding andrew when he was way out of line, patching up neil with as much care as she had anger on his behalf like how amazing is it that she was introduced as a ‘catty bitch’ and then shes like one of the first people neil thinks about when he thinks about strong women
  • so when u realize all that you get sucker punched with the beautiful person that is renee. renee who is a glowing pastel cloud of pretty and nice and good christian girl aesthetic. also she started the whole ‘ending a cycle of violence’ thing when she gave her knives to andrew (who gave them to neil symbolism). renee who was in a gang and knows so much horror and is probs neck and neck with kevin in understand neil’s background. renee who could fuck u up so easily but instead saves people. she saved andrew, she saved jean.

in conclusion: the foxhole girls, women in a co ed sport where women are discouraged from playing

Im now 4 episodes deep into Wynonna Earp and all I have to say that you are all, collectivley, SATAN and I hate you for doing this to me. I came here to heal my broken heart after the devastation of Clexa and now in the matter of a few short weeks you bitches have gotten me addicted to not only Lost Girl (because doccubus is endgame and it helps fill the void of my clexa heartbreak) but now ive been sucked into the Wayhaught fandom and somehow you little shits made me love them before ever even seeing the show and I will NEVER FORGIVE YOU. I swear I just want a normal life again let me liveeeeeee

  • nicki minaj: it's a problem when white women can get nominations and opportunities that i cant get because i'm black, the music industry has clear favoritism for white artists above me and im sick of it
  • taylor swift: :( please dont pit girls after one another thats really mean and ive only ever loved and supported you :(

I loved this scene but there is one thing that bothers me and that is Juvia calling Flare nasty, in the manga juvia never insulted Flare she said they send off the same aura not that flare is well nasty, I dont like the idea of Juvia insulting girls because of Gray and either than the romantic rival thing, thats the only thing juvia uses to call girls that she considera rivals for Grays love, weve seen shes a very polite girl and shes friends with almost everyone in the guild, juvia has this attitude that makes even cold seeming people like her, even enemies examples are Gray, Gajeel and meredy .Ive never ever seen Juvia insult anyone in the manga yes she can get fiesty and everything but she never says such things and I dont think shed ever call a girl nasty, and yes nasty is insulting.Another thing I dont like is the fangirling they keep adding, after the rejection mashima toned it down a lot, he showed us juvia is now a new person shes more serious towards her advances yes fangirling is really cute but they overuse it just like the unisonraidds when they had gruvia do three in the span of three episodes.Some people watch only the anime and everytime Juvia appears she fangirls, its cute and I love it but its really no wonder haters think juvia is just a fangirl the anime portrays her as one half the time, and I dont like it and if they add a fangirling juvia in the im here with you moment im stopping to watch it .Sorry for my rant >

So earlier today i did something that i never thohght id do. I told this amazing girl that i had a crush on how i felt and it turned out so much different than i thought.. and ended up being the best thing ive ever done jn my life. Long story short im now dating the most amazing, beautiful, funny, and loving girl ever. obsessedwith-dean-castiel-sam you are my soul mate and i love you more than anything. I honestly didnt think someone as sexy and amazing as you would ever date me but i honestly couldnt be any happier to call you my girl. I love you so much. I love your eyes and your hair, your smile, your tattoos, honestly everything about you. Youre perfect and maybe the only person more obsessed with supernatural than i am haha but i love that about you haha. Youll be my beautiful angel forever and i love you soo much