the only advice i'll ever need

When was the last time you kissed someone?

No, not like that. I mean really kiss that person. Kiss them like it was the last time. Have you ever wondered what the sun and the moon was doing during an eclipse?

Yeah, when was the last time you had a kiss like that? Something more provoking than meeting up for a lunch date that may go wrong. Something more lasting than the years you’ve spent handing out effortless “see you later” pecks on the cheek. Something beautiful, when was the last time?

I haven’t kissed anyone in awhile, but I’m still willing to write something fun, something light and something pure because that is and should always be what a kiss means.

The last person I kissed got a forehead one.

She said that it was purely platonic and if the universe had its way, safe is home to her.

I guess there are different ways to kiss.

Stop moving your lips for a second
and read mine, this is how you kiss:

1. We’ll start at the very beginning of our tongue tied journey, I’ll be honest. Nobody knows how to kiss anyone right the first time, you’ll most likely be taught. You’ll be nervous. You forgot your pack of gum, but it’s okay, they have spares and you’re smiling again. You see, when you kiss someone for the first time; you’ll feel an array of things. Was it perfect? Did they enjoy it? What if they hated it? God knows we’re full of lies, but the eyes– they never lie. So when we got our first kiss, we closed our eyes and prayed that every wrinkle near your lips imprinted onto theirs and if by any chance, they hated it– you fucking try again. Not forcefully, but hold my hand until I can’t tell the difference between your confidence and my nervousness. Tell me how to angle my smile until all we know how to do is laugh until one of us finally decides that it has already been an hour and not 2 minutes.

2. And then after all of those sessions of not knowing how to do so, almost instantly, you’re a pro and you’ve never been more proud of your tongue because it has made peace with body language and giggles. Kissing is something you never really forget. Once you have it down, you can’t unlearn it. Quite the opposite, you might crave it. An addict for the drug, a stray in search for a home and lips that say I’m finally the star of the show. Everyone kisses differently and your first time– it will have gone horrible, but you still got it.

Your first kiss.

Would you like to hear about mine?

No? You’re going to hear it anyway, because what’s a kissing poem if not from experience.

I asked her to be my valentine and she had dark brown hair with a soul to match her flaws. She was not perfect, but I couldn’t see it. They say when you love early, prepare to fall hard. They say we were never going to make it, and they were never wrong. I never got a close look into her eyes because I’m the shy type and I was taught that eye to eye contact was less intimacy and more intimidating. So I avoided the eyes– closed. Mistake number one. You kiss with your heart open and your soul free, but your eyes closed. What are you afraid to see? I was afraid that she would be disgusted, so I closed mine. My first kiss was beautiful in many ways, but it was also robbery. She has kissed many before, trust me, if you have kissed anyone, you’ll know that one line to be true. She stood on those junior high roads as a spartan and I became the spear she would chuck back and forth until war was all we knew. You see, the wind– outside kisses are different than inside ones. They’re vulnerable. They’re visible. They’re airy. They’re stolen breaths making it into space and returning back saying that the moon landing was real. They’re open to rejection, but she kissed me anyway and if that was confirmation for anything… It was that she enjoyed every second of my purity. The thief enjoys her loot. Why wouldn’t she? She taught someone something new. Something that may not have been real, but it will always be real to me. She walked away with the idea that I would never find another and she was right. I found someone better, and then they’ll find someone even better because kisses only last for so long. A valuable lesson, kisses are free, but always choose who you plan to kiss.

Now here’s where it gets tricky.

3. Some kisses are unexpected. Oh my god. Yes, finally, right? The best kind of lips sharing a story. The unexpected getting a shot at love. The unexpected getting a bare minimum chance to be something expected.

Kiss her in the rain, not because it’s romantic, but because you won’t be able to remember the tears when nature hints that beautiful things don’t last forever.

Kiss him in the rain, not because it’s a movie, but because you’ll always have him there–

Never moving, never budging, never leaving.

In that wet moment, when your skin was drenched with thoughts of a bed and a blanket, he was yours and you were his.

A timeless raindrop never hitting the ground.

You two shared that kind of kiss.

You owned those pair of lips.

The kind from the movies–

Now forever yours.

This leads us to the next one.

4. The goodbye kiss. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

An extra fuck because I hate this one the most. This kiss should only be used sparingly because like a shotgun, its spread is wide and it may blow your brains out, but it’s the kind of shot that you’ll survive. Physically at least, mentally and emotionally– maybe not so much. I have given out more goodbye kisses than I can remember. Sometimes, it’s all in your head. We all do it, I’ll just be the first to admit it. I still think about kissing people who have let go. It’s not a daydream, it’s more like it never happened and if you’re anything like me, you love a good ending. So you give yourself one. The goodbye kisses symbolizes the first kiss in ways that it will be the first and last time you will have sent them away until your last days and you’ll know it’s the last kiss when you walk away and don’t look back. You’ll know it’s the last kiss if you’re reading this and already cried before you got to this. Yes, it hurts. It hurts and you can’t control your lips because they shake more than earthquakes have known how to shatter skyscrapers. We do these things. Humans. We give power to love and never look back. This is the saddest goodbye you could ever give, because it’s the most honest you have ever been. Men may not show tears, but I’ve never been one to hide. Hell, I’ll cry to tell you the truth. I love you. Women may not show tears, you’ve been hurt before, this time won’t hurt as bad. And of course, like everything else, we’re wrong again. It hurts. It hurts. Your pillow is no longer soft. Your blanket doesn’t provide warmth like skin. Your heart doesn’t sync up with your emotions and you’ll ask yourself what you did wrong this time, but sometimes… It just doesn’t work out.

Everything happens for a reason.

So that will most likely give you a new one.

5. Kissing someone after you swore that you would never trust people again. The promises you’ve given to yourself. All broken. You plan to give yourself another shot at this. You can tie cherry stems all you want, a tangled heart is worse than any pair of earphones finally saying they have had enough of listening to you while you never planned to be gentle while untangling. We have to believe in second chances, because everyone makes mistakes. Nobody is perfect and if they are, good for them. We’re talking about us, the imperfects. We search for soulmates because we’re scared to die alone. We search for love because the household never had the right kind. We search for our parents because maybe they didn’t love us right. They say we fall in love with aspects of our guardians, anyone who has ever protected you, you search for them in everything and everyone. Your personality will not falter for a second, you will have your chance, I promise. I’m empty and my kisses are love letters that never got received. People love like this and we still manage to try.

So before you kiss a girl, make sure you’ve paid enough attention to her eyes. They will tell you everything you’ve always wanted to know. It may not always be kind, but it will be honest. It will always be the bittersweet kiss that kills you the quickest.

Ladies, before you kiss Prince Charming—

Know this. Men wear masks and baby, we wear it well. Look into his eyes, but don’t look for honesty, that is a part of the mask. Look for the lie if there is any deceit. Decipher the code.

Does he just want to fuck
or does he really love me?

I’m breaking all of the codes known to man, but that’s because I’m more identified with poetry than I am with beast and I’m no saint. I have wronged and I have slain. I’m no warrior, my will is the size of a paperclip. I use it to file these poems for you to read. Is it pretty?

Now before I end this story, I have one more.

6. Listen. If there’s one advice I could give to your next date. To your next make out session. To your next encounter. To your next soulmate. To your next heartbreak. To your next, next. To your broken smile. To your silly giggles. To your only friend. To your second chances. To your hope that this will be one. And to you, my friend. Listen. I don’t mean open your ears and pry. I mean really shut the fuck up and listen. Be rough or be gentle–

As long as you quietly listen…

You will know if they really want to kiss you.
You will know if they really mean it when they say"I love you.“ Listen to her lips, she has written her secrets on there. If she loves flowers, be creative, grow her a fucking garden. If she hates flowers, be sensitive, give her your heart and hope that one day, she’ll come to know that your eyes may be all of the florals she’ll ever need. Listen to his smile, the mask of men is deadly and twisted. We hide within truth and it makes it hard to tell between a lie or something we want you to believe. Listen to his hands, watch where they are placed. Be wary of your surroundings.

Because the safest place for them to break your heart, it is not a matter of where, but rather a matter of when and how–

Read my lips and repeat after me:

Kiss someone and don’t regret a thing, because if they won’t kiss you–

Someone else will, so choose carefully.

Listen to body language, listen to what it means when they say “i would rather hold you to sleep than to undress your tight blue dress.” Listen to the slowness of his breath. Pay attention to how she breathes. And most importantly, pay close attention to yourself.

Do you really want to do this?

Yeah? Well then…

—  Listen to the kiss because it will tell you everything you will ever need to know about them.