the only 2 quotes i could think of off the top of my head were 'beyond hope'

That Girl is a Problem

Paul Lahote is PISSED when Jake brings around his best friend. She wasn’t supposed to know about any of this. Or was she? 

Pairing: PaulxReader, JacobxReader (Friends)

Warnings: Cursing 

Song(s) to Listen To: Truthfully by DNCE OR/AND That’s What You Get by Paramore 

A/N: This is my first Twilight relate imagine at all, so even though constructive criticism is encouraged, pls don't rip me to shreds lol. Also, if this goes over well, I have a part 2 planned. Hope you guys like this!!

Originally posted by pretty-dead-dog

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P R E S S U R E { 4 }


{Part 1} {Part 2} {Part 3} {Part 5} {Part 6}  {Part 7}

Pairing: Reader X Yoongi

Word Count: 8,965

Genre: Romance, Smut, Fluff

Warnings: Smut, daddy kink, cursing

Summary: After dating for almost 3 years, the armys and Yoongi’s label have found out about your relationship. Now you have to deal with it in your extraordinarily normal life.

Twitter was blowing up. The official BTS account had tweeted about a new opening act for the final show called “Slow Burn.” Sadly, Anthony tweeted about our name being Slow Burn a few hours ago and so the armies had figured it out quick enough. The reactions were mixed, but I just brushed it off. Everything about my mentions blowing up was downgraded due to my life ceasing soon.

“So, guys. I’m kind of offended nobody thanked me for getting us here. Jimin and I are best friends after all.” Alicia chided herself and I just heard Anthony groan.

“Yo, shut up dude. You know this wasn’t you.” Then he paused for a moment. “You know what? All you, Alicia. You get to do all the talking tonight. I’m excited for your first voice crack. I wonder if people will laugh or just be confused.” he snorted at his own joke and she just rolled her eyes.

“Hey Alicia.” she was sprawled on one of the couches as I paced around the room. “Is this karma?”

“Nah, this is a super sick chance, but karma is coming soon. Maybe you’ll trip tonight.” She was probably right. I was clumsy.

“Fuck you, dude.” With that final quip, the door to the dressing room opened and Ji-Hye walked back in. She was a little fidgety, but she seemed fully put together and in control of her job, as stressful as it seemed.

She went to open her mouth, but before she could Anthony was already loud. “Hey Ji-Hye, quick question. Are we wearing these clothes on stage or do we get super cool clothes? You know, maybe that are breezy? Cuz I sweat- A lot.” Julianna punched Anthony and waved off his words, telling Ji-Hye to completely forget him and that we were grateful and comfortable and super duper grateful again. The woman only laughed us off, shrugging off our crazed words.

“I can see about getting you guys jeans and things, if you’d like.” We all nodded. It’s be nice not to be afraid to make a sudden movement without ripping a seam. Knowing me, however I’d stay in this dress for the performance to make Yoongi happy. I knew he’d love to see that. “The stage you will be playing on is a bit different to sound check. Earlier we were trying to brainstorm would what work the best simply because the way the BTS stage is set up. It’s set up for multiple movements around it and the other opening act was an idol group so we didn’t have to make any adjustments there. However, you have instruments. So, we pulled a few strings and got you guys a rotating stage.”

We were all on our feet and moved closer to the woman. “Rotating?!” I exclaimed, “Can I get strapped down to it? I’ll fall and die.” She was full of laughter as we all began to voice our concerns.

“Can I be strapped to Y/N? If I fall, she’s going down too.” Alicia mused.

“What if it moves too fast and my skirt flies up? I can’t stop mid line to adjust it…” Julianna nervously began tapping her fingers together.

However there were the guys. “That’s so sick! Holy shit, our one night only got a lot cooler!” Anthony was ecstatic and Luke was right by his side.

“Does it just move around the entire stage throughout the set?” Luke was the only one with questions. Us girls still had hope we could get out if that full well knowing it was decided.

“Ahh, you boys keep me going.” she laughed, “The entire set it will move and slowly spin around the stage so that you never have your backs turns to one audience for too long. Between songs when you do your talking bits-” I didn’t even have to say it because I guess my popped eyes did. “Yes, talking parts. Basically explain what happened and that you’re grateful after your first song. Then explain a little bit about yourselves, you can do a cute little introduction thing if you want. Then plays two more songs. Talk about BTS. Another song. Thank them again, ask if they’re ready for BTS. Last song and after a bow and thank yous as you jog off of the stage. All good?”

We all nodded and she was gone again. I’d gone back to sitting down and was just running through speeches within my head. I was genuinely grateful for this experience, but I didn’t want to come off cocky or nervous even though it would be obvious I was dying.  My movements tended to show my nerves, mainly by falling. I also had this really awkward hand that I didn’t know what to do with most of the time. It was- bad.

“Can we barricade the door until 10 minutes before show time?” Alicia asked, rolling back and forth on the entire couch she was taking up.

“I don’t think so.” Luke sighed sitting on her legs since there was no other place to sit.  “Can you believe this shit guys? I feel guilty. I feel like we don’t deserve this and you all know we don’t… It’s all circumstances and we just got so damn lucky. Thank you Y/N, maybe now I’ll believe you picked the right guy.” Everyone except for me burst into a fit of laughter. I brushed off his spiteful comment about Yoongi. It wasn’t the time.

Luke was right. It was all luck honestly and we were lucky for once in our lives. This wasn’t a normal thing that really happened, but here was the opportunity. In my anxious fit, I had decided not to speak no matter what they said to me. It was a lot of teasing of how well I’d do tonight with standing up and gravity, not my talent. I knew I was good at singing. It was always my fall back if my life fell apart which was slowly happening. Slowly.

For the next hour we sat in the room, doing beyond worthless things. I think Anthony had a fidget spinner and Julianna just doodled while Alicia napped and Luke kept going over chords on an acoustic guitar. I guess this was all of their ways of coping with anxiety while mine was just staring at something and thinking of the overwhelming darkness that was inevitably going to destroy me. So, it was a good time.

Luckily, we got clothes throughout the time. Well, I just got flat shoes. The man who brought them in said that Yoongi looked annoyed when he heard that I requested new clothes and he said, to quote, “What the actual fuck, I bought that girl a nice dress and she is going to shake her fucking talent off in it and I’m going to watch and be angry if she comes out in SKINNY JEANS.” The guy really emulated my boyfriend’s attitude within the words, sadly. Now everyone was in jeans and cute tops and here I was looking like an idiot in a cocktail dress. I’m gonna make that joke on stage. Yeah. I’ll be funny. No I won’t.

There was no press that came in to stop and we were all grateful for that one. Each one of the BTS boys did stop in for a quick moment while running through interviews. Jin was first and he came in to fix Anthony’s hair, saying he shouldn’t wear a hat on stage. The moment he left Anthony put the snapback back on, claiming his new haircut didn’t look good without it. Next was Jungkook who just held Julianna??? I was confused too.

Then Yoongi came in and gave me a squeeze and hi fived everyone. He wished us luck and told us he was proud of us. And that he wants a shout out. Asshole. Then Tae came in and picked up the acoustic guitar and knew nothing. Like, he couldn’t understand how to do an e chord when we tried to explain it. Hoseok and Jimin came in together. Hoseok gave us this long speech and Jimin just sat on Alicia who was in and out of consciousness throughout this time.

Namjoon came in last and sat us down. He gave us another run down of how it was going to go and made sure to stress that the ARMYS were loud as all hell and he loved it. Then he told us how good we were and how grateful he was that we were here and the last night of tour wasn’t ruined by a flaky opener. He left with hugs and a good luck.

“Show time in 2, come wait by the curtains and get ready to go.” Ji-Hye stuck her head in and waved us along. It was the moment we all stood up that I think it sunk in. All I wanted to do with my life was work, get married, and start a family but here I was about to play for almost 70,000 people because my boyfriend needed a favor. Wow.

The walk up to the stage was stressful. Everybodies eyes back stage were on us and I knew that if we fucked this up- I was done for. Not only would I be putting a strain on Yoongi, but if this was messed up it would account for the entirety of BTS. Then they’d find a way to get rid of me for sure and maybe even make Jimin stop being friends with Alicia. I couldn’t let her down here, I couldn’t ruin any friendships and I was too in love to fuck up my relationship. So, I’d let that push me.

At this point, we could see the lights slowly dimming out on stage and for the next moment we were alone. It was just the five of us standing in a circle. I had Luke on my right and Alicia on my left. Julianna stood next to Luke and Anthony beside her. As I looked through their faces quickly, I knew I was the only one who was extremely vocal about being nervous but they had it too. The wrenching feeling of making a mistake on their only shot… We could do it.

“We’re capable.” I put my hand into the middle. “We’re totally able to do this… C’mon. We’ve been playing these songs for the past 2 years. It’s basically all we know. We rock.” Alicia placed her hand atop of mine and nodded. “We won’t screw up.” Anthony’s hand was down. “We got lucky, but we’re doing them a favor. This isn’t some weird pity trip.” Julianna’s hand was down. “You guys are my best friends and I wouldn’t be able to do this if any of you weren’t here.” Luke’s hand was down. “All the love in the world for my favorites.”

We exchanged glances and nodded at the same time. In unison we counted down from 3 and threw our hands in the air, moving in for a quick group hug.

“20 seconds!” Suddenly instruments were being thrown onto them, the straps being quickly adjusted by stage crew to make sure they were low enough. “Drummer out first!” some voice in the distance called. “Wait 5. Guitars and Bass! Lights on, vocals.”

“We can do this.” I whispered as the five second countdown went off. Then the lights went off and my heart sank as I watched Anthony run to the kit on the stage surrounded by cheers. He began to play a simple beat and they clapped along to it. Lights began to play in motion with his drumming. Then the rest of them ran out, playing along to the start of our first song. It was called Tonight. They were starting with Tonight.

The countdown hit to three and I knew my vocals had to come in after the next riff. Before I went out, I pulled out one of my earpieces. I dashed for the stage as it began to move and hopped onto it, grabbing onto the mic and pulling it off of the stand. Here it comes. Here I go. “And every book it reads the same and all the pages never change. Growing tired of this same thing feeling.”

As I ran through the lyrics in time with the music, the memories of this song came back to me. I’d written it when I was 17 with Luke. It was my favorite Summer. We were going into our senior year and everything was amazing that summer. We’d all gotten morning jobs so every night we were out on the town and wherever our fake ids could bring us. Everything til that summer had sucked. School sucked, but here were the half free days that sung freedom.

“So let me take you out tonight, all that I can show you. Breathe these city lights, Let the beat control you. You’ll forget your life, everything they told you. You could lose your mind, if you want I’ll show you.”

It was our first time truly being free. We could drive at this point and the riff just came to us. We’d lived our lives as courteous students, never really breaking too many rules. We all had this comfort zone that we were hiding in, sitting around doing nothing. That year we decided to break past the harder parts and live a little. Enjoy our years. This was the last year we had before we were adults. We decided to make the most out of it.

I moved around the stage as I sang, falling into the music. Our music eased me. I was here with my family and in the crowd were my friends, even if some of them were possibly vomiting from seeing my face up here. They were lucky they didn’t have to see me vomit from this.

It was time for the bridge that was purely backed by bass. I made my way over to Julianna and she smiled, totally ready for her time to shine. It was the chorus a bit slowed down and my favorite little thing in this song to do. I clapped my hand against my leg to get it going and saw the rest of the band clapping along too except for Julianna. Here was her moment. “So let me take you out tonight, all that I can show you. Breathe these city lights, Let the beat control you. You’ll forget your life, everything they told you. You could lose your mind, if you want I’ll show you.”

The chorus came again, back up to full speed and by this point I was totally in my element. I loved this. I probably wouldn’t stop complaining, but this was my element. The last few riffs rang and the song ended, the crowd erupted into cheers and I couldn’t help but to laugh and smile. Everyone else was breathless and had the same look on- amazement.

“Hey everyone!” Wow, this was loud. There was a moment where I thought to put my other ear piece in, but fuck it. I wanted to hear them. “We’re Slow Burn, all the way here from America. A bit of a foreign thing right? Oh god, you guys definitely can’t understand me.” Laughter came from them. “Maybe some of you can. If you can, help out someone who can’t. I talk a lot and it’s a little irritating. Anyways, hope you guys liked that first song! We’re super grateful to get this awesome experience and before we go on- I want to thank BTS!”

Wow, that was loud again. Super loud. I slipped my other ear piece back in, but I could still hear them. This was amazing. “This thing on?” Anthony began his little talking thing.

“Yeah, I think it is.” Luke called back through his mic and wow did the crowd go crazy for them. They were two attractive guys and obviously these girls knew attractive. “I’m Luke, I’ll be playing you guys some nice rhythm guitar up here! I also play a little bit of piano too. The keys.” Everyone was full of giggles.

“Hey, I wanted to go first!” Anthony laughed, purely putting on some weird act the two of them had probably planned ahead of time. I’d never truly understand their goals here. “I’m Anthony! I’ll be playing you guys some nice drums. You know the drums are the real grit of the songs right? You’d be nothing without me and the bass line. The rhythm section.”

Julianna looked like she was about to pass out but I saw her quickly go towards her mic. Had they planned out this cute little thing and I was left in the dark? Of course they had. “Julianna here!” It was adorable. “I’m here to be the other half of the rhythm, some nice smooth bass all night!”

“Hey!” Alicia’s voice cracked almost immediately and the rest of us on stage burst into laughter. “I’m Alicia and I swear I’m not going through puberty. I’ll just be keeping my mouth shut on some lead guitar over here.” she quickly backed away from the mic.

“Uh, hey! I’m Y/N! I’ll be singing if that’s okay with everyone!” Oh boy was I awkward. “So, we’re Slow Burn and we have a few more songs if that’s alright with you guys! We’re gonna slow it down a little bit.”

The lights dimmed and Luke made his way to the keyboard that was close to him and played the first few notes of our song Let Me Hear. My vocals almost started right away and I loved this song. If I was going to be honest, this may be my favorite one. I’d written this song alone in full. Music, lyrics, composition. It was a little dark and twisty for a love song, but it was my love song. “I wish that we could hide away. Wear this flesh and rule the world. Through all our lies- our disguise, but they’ll never get to realize.”

I’d written this a few months ago when Yoongi and my relationship had gone public. I cried a lot at that time but he told me to channel it into something. He didn’t really mean a song at that point. Actually, he’d told me to get a second job or take boxing lessons. I wasn’t quite sure why me overexerting myself was his best suggestion, but it was.

Instead, I had found salvation sitting in front of the out of tune piano in my living room. When my parents finally separated, my mom said this was the most important thing she had to take. It was her parents first piece of furniture together and it held a special place in her heart. When we were apartment shopping, I swear this was the most important thing to her. She would have probably taken this piano over me at this point and sent me off to live with my father who had my sister.

The notes in the song slowly came to me and I found myself simply singing these words as if I’d known them my entire life. This song came so easily to me at that time. I guessed it was all of the pent up emotions I felt, but the ominous lyrics flowed. The message was clear, even if it was a bit hidden within this weird love song. “I keep calling out your name, so you know I’m still here to wipe away your tears. If we fall, at least we’re falling as one in the end, let me take your last breath.”

As I sang through the chorus one last time, I searched the vip balcony for Yoongi. I could see his figure there standing close to the edge, the lights blinded my view. His eyes were focused on the stage as it slowly moved around and in that moment I was so into this song. It wasn’t until it ended that I realized I had begun to cry during it from the raw emotion I was putting forth. With the last ominous chord at the end, we quickly picked up into a faster song.

X.U. This song was me again with Alicia helping with it. I tend to write most of our songs. Everyone else was capable but the sad part was that they were extremely lazy and never spilled their ideas unless I reached out for help on one of mine. “I’ll be there, hold on, I’ll save you somehow, so where are you now?”

This song was never meant to sound like as much of a long song as it did. It was written when the two of us were the only ones left at home. When everyone had gone away to school. It was primarily focused on the bonds we’d created together and that no matter what, it was us. The five of us always.

As the song seemingly ended, I heard a few claps, but the music kept going. It was just they keys now and Anthony leaned in towards the mic, the kick drum the only thing still going. “Alright everyone! I need you to get low for me, as low as you can go! Then when I say so, we’re gonna jump up and go crazy! Well, you guys. I kinda can’t.”

I went down onto one knee and as the music stopped, I jumped up almost into the words. “So if you wanna fight with me! Then go ahead, it’s destiny. Cause all I wanna do is set you free, you will be the death of me!” I was trying hard to still be fun and not completely lose my breath while jumping around. I had some belting to do here and I wasn’t about to mess up at the coolest part of the song. I just couldn’t help it, this was way too fun. I’d probably have a meltdown soon, but right now this was sick.

The song ended and I stood still for a moment to catch my breath, I caught eyes with Luke, who quickly stepped forward and began to yell into the mic. “You all having fun?!” He was met with screaming. “Yeah! We are too! We’re stoked to be here tonight! We’re a band all the way from America and wow! You guys are beautiful!” I could see some girls swooning from this guy. What a charmer.

“We just want to say another big thank you to BTS!” I chimed in, making my way to the front of the stage. “We wouldn’t have been given this opportunity without them and wow! How cool are they?” My enthusiasm was breaking. “But you don’t wanna hear this stuff, how about some more songs?!” Cheers. “Alright!”

The piano started slow. Here came When It Falls, the most vocally challenging song we had in our short little set for me. It was the hardest for all of us. It had backup vocals, a sick guitar solo, and the drumming was hardcore. It was speed drumming that Anthony could do in his sleep. It also had a bit of scream singing that Luke was super excited to do here. This song was always fun to play because it pushed us all to our brinks and we absolutely loved it.

“There’ll be no rest, There’ll be no love, There’ll be no hero in the end who will rise above. And when it ends, the good will crawl. The shining light will sink in darkness, victory for hate incarnate, misery and pain for all, when it falls.”

I’d written the piano in the start for this song and the guitar then had approached Anthony about it. This song felt like it was going to be angry and his girlfriend at the time was giving him all of that. He was pumped when we started this and immediately had ideas. I’d expected an angry breakup song, but he’d given me this much darker one.

His girlfriend at the time, Belle, was vindictive, manipulative, and always played the victim. I knew that he wasn’t happy in that relationship, but I couldn’t make his choices for him. After hearing the lyrics for this song, it was almost crazy to me how he’d brought that relationship into war terms. He’d written a song about war.

“This is not a tragedy, it’s not an accident. You placed your faith in fools and now you’ll smoother in lament. They play the part of allies, claiming peace their only goal, but once the fight for power starts, they’ll eat each other whole. Their iron gloves point fingers, they’ll wage a war of blame and mankind will wilt in pain.”

As the song drew to a close, I knew these were our final words and this was where we were almost done. As fun as this was, I couldn’t wait for it to be over so I could say we fucking did it. Even though at the same time, this was all I wanted to do.

“How are we doing everybody!?” I called out. “I can’t hear you~.” I teased and in sync we all pulled one of our earpieces out and cupped our ears with our hands. “Damn, you guys are loud, but I guess it’s because you’re excited. Who here is excited for BTS?!” They went crazy every time, it was amazing. “Well, so are we! We have one more song for you guys then it’s time to go super crazy! Here we go!”

This one had to be my favorite to actually play. It was called Hey Kids! It was a real performance oriented song. It had some cool talking parts and the guitar was absolutely amazing in it. I got to get some cool backup vocals from my girls and do some cool mantras in it. This song was written by all of us off of a riff that Luke had written. “Turn up the temperature, entice that golden taste. Give it some flavor, flavor, flavor. Just wanna hold your hand.”

We had written it without lyrics at first as a demanding song. Then it kind of felt- empty. So we did something that a lot of bands and artists could almost be afraid of. Hell, we were afraid. This could either ruin this song or make it fucking awesome. Happily, it did the latter.

As the long talking part approached, I made my way towards the rest of my band mates instead of the front of the stage. Every time I moved, I could feel the stage slowly rotating around me. 

“You know? I’m really tired of your piss-poor attitude. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Show me some respect, jeez! Do you - Do you have any?! It’s like you don’t care about anyone but yourself I swear you do it to piss me off … You DO don’t you?!”

Accomplished and it wasn’t super awkward. The smiles on everyone’s faces were enough to prove me right. They were probably all nervous about the talking too especially cause I mainly joked around with it. I never really recited it the way it was written when we’d played it over the last 3 years.

“Let’s drive them crazy! This time, let an evolution shake our lives, we’ll overcome the chaos. Let’s drive them crazy! Sweet destiny, you are who I am living for-oh oh. You drive me crazy! I won’t forget, I will find you once again, just tell me where to go. Let’s drive them crazy! So, bring it on, I’ll challenge fate again and again Ohh- Oh Oh! Just wanna hold your hand!”

For the last line, we all spoke into our mics. “Now swear to respect the hero!”

Then, it was over. The moment that had been in all of our dreams since we were younger had happened and it was real this time. “Thank you!” I yelled into the mic. They placed down their instruments and we all ran to the front of the stage as the rotation finally came to a half right in the middle. We stood in a line with the guys on the side and me in the middle and put our arms to each other’s backs, taking a quick bow all together. Then, we jogged off.

The second we reached backstage, I was greeted by Yoongi who ran over to me and picked me up, spinning me around. The entire crew was clapping for us, along with the rest of BTS. “Holy shit, you smell. Take a quick shower so you can see us perform.” Yoongi spoke in an obnoxious tone but he was quiet enough that only I could hear him. “You were amazing, baby. I couldn’t be any prouder of you.” he stood behind me with his arms wrapped around my chest, “Of all of you, really. Thank you for stepping outside of this one’s comfort zone and doing us a favor.”

“You guys were amazing!” Namjoon came around and gave everyone high fives. “This was such a cool thing! Our best friends, rocking! You guys rock! We gotta write a song together because those songs were cool!” We couldn’t help except to smile and say thank you for the compliment.

“Holy shit, you guys do that almost every night?!” Anthony exclaimed, fist bumping everyone within a close enough range. “Major props, I need to hit the gym again.”

“See, you say that but you won’t do it.” Alicia joked and he just shot her a look. The four of them were sweating their clothes off, but I wasn’t as bad. I was probably bad, but not as terrible as them. They were holding heavy things and banging, but I was just attempting to be confident on stage. To have some sort of stage presence. I hoped it worked.

“We can train together! I’m off for the next two weeks!” Jin called to Anthony and slung his arms around him and Luke. “The three of us will train!” The two American boys vigorously nodded and I think everyone in the conversation knew they wouldn’t stick to any kind of regiment. They wanted to, but they easily gave into food. Lucky for them, they had fast metabolisms.

Yoongi pulled me away from the group, taking me towards where I’m guessing the showers were. I’d seen the American shows of this tour, but he was super excited for me to see this one. He’d always go on and on about how the shows home in Korea were something special and this would be my first time seeing it. Since we’d been in a secretive relationship, I was never able to truly fly out for these special occasions. Now I was able to, which was nice.

“Showers right here.” We stopped in front of a bathroom. “I put some stuff in there for you and I’m not kidding, I have a five-minute timer that’s about to start so you better fucking strip and wash yourself.”

“Okay, Dad, but just pull down my zipper first.” I groaned as he did so and then walked inside, slamming the door behind myself. The dress was quickly by my feet and I bent over to undo my shoes. Everything was off within seconds. I swear to god I took the quickest shower of my entire life, clocking in at about 3 minutes. Now I had less than 2 to get dry and dressed without ruining his night. “Yoongi!” I yelled, slipping into the dress. He burst in within seconds and zipped me up. “Quick enough?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m on in 20. Where are you gonna hang out? Backstage or vip? Are you hungry? Are you thirsty? Holy fuck, your throat must hurt. Oh shit, I’m s-”

“I don’t know what’s up with you right now, but you’re sounding like me. That’s bad.” I took his hands into mine to stop his jitteriness. “What’s with you? Yoongi, you don’t get nervous like this for shows.”

“But you’re here.”

“And I’ll continue to be here. So, stop it.” I leaned up and kissed him, reaching up to touch his mint green hair. He smirked into the kiss and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tight to him and breaking it. Now I was just shoved against his chest. “You’re suffocating me.” I croaked out.

He pulled away and reached out to lace his fingers with mine. “Do you wanna do a song together? Like, the way I have So Far Away with Suran.”

“On your mixtape?”

“No, like even before my next mixtape. The fans have been begging for me to do a cover of some song, so let’s make one together.”


“You always start saying dude when your friends show up, stop it.” he had the biggest smile on his face. “I think it’d be, I dunno, cute.”

“You’re too cute. Listen, go get ready for your show. It’s gonna be amazing. I love you too much and you know it.” I pulled away from him and began to walk in the direction of the vip balcony.

“I love you, gorgeous,” he spoke quietly and even though the room was loud, I could hear his voice coming towards me. He saluted me goodbye and I laughed as I turned my back on him and jogged to the place I’d watch BTS from for the night.

Some of the member’s families were here, but not Yoongi’s. I could only guess that’s why he was so excited about me being here. He was such an emotional family guy, but it was tough for his parents and brother to get out to shows a lot. I knew that they went to one that was closer to them during this tour, so that made me feel better about them not being here. It wasn’t like he had nobody- he had me. I was his family too at this point.

There were assigned seats and I found a paper with my name written on it surrounded by flowers in the front row. Alicia was next to me then Julianna was next to her and then the guys. Of course Luke’s was written with skulls on it and placed the farthest away from me. Yoongi had tried to make the handwriting not look like his, but it was a little bit too obvious. It was extremely laughable.

The room was full of strangers to me, but everyone seemed to have a kind smile on. Nobody gave me any kind of dirty look, but only compliments. Most of them barely spoke any English, but that didn’t stop these kind souls for commending me for my performance. I just got extremely embarrassed and quiet and full of thank yous.

Five minutes before showtime, my friend showed up back in their fancy attire and all clean and not gross. Luke fucking choked at his sign and crinkled it up, throwing it into a trash can. He took the empty seat to my left just to spite Yoongi and I just rolled my eyes. Luke didn’t still have a thing for me, but he knew my boyfriend was the extremely jealous type and like to push his buttons. They were always on each other’s nerves due to their relationships with me and a good amount of the time I felt like I was walking on eggshells around the duo.

The lights went down and the crowd began to scream as a video played across all of the screens. Without even realizing, I was suddenly on my feet and into the show. BTS was one of my favorite artists to watch live. They were so about their performance and making their crowd feel safe and at home here.

They were in such a different element when they were on the stage.They were still the goofy guys we knew and loved but this was more serious for them. This is what their 12 hours a day of practice every day goes towards. All of the vocal and dance practices, everything. They were dedicated to making this the best damn night of everyone who came to see them and did a pretty amazing job at it.

The moment they stepped onto the stage was mesmerizing. From the outfits to each of their stage presence, it was captivating. They were simply euphoric.

The entire show maxed to about 2 and a half hours and it wasn’t until 10 minutes before it ended that my attention was taken away. It was Ji-Hye, she waved the five of us off of the balcony and backstage so we could actually hear her. “Bangtan has requested that you five go on stage for the final bow.” We simultaneously shook our heads no. “They said you’d say that and they said if you don’t come out you’re all going home tonight. Also, they said they won’t see any of you during their time off.”

“Of course they threatened us.” Julianna laughed, “At least I look super cute now. Fine, we’ll do it.”

I simply shrugged and rolled my eyes, running towards the curtain to catch the final song. They were ending with OUTRO: Wings tonight and I couldn’t help but to move to the music as it began. I ended up jumping around with my friends and locking eyes with Yoongi who was running around the stage. He suddenly picked up his speed and sprinted right over to the curtain and grabbed onto my hand. Fuck it.

I motioned my head to the rest of the band and they followed us dancing out. Yoongi held my hand and led all of the to the center of the stage where they all cheered when they saw the five of us making our way over. When it was time for his verse, he spun me away back to my band, only to come back like a puppy when the singing parts began.

The ARMY bombs were actually the coolest thing to see all lit from the stage. They changed colors as the boys sang back and forth with the crowd.  It was time for the cute little dance circle they did and when Hoseok called “Suga!” This man tried to pull me over with him, so I pushed him. Then he fell and did some goofy move off of that.

As the song broke down, Hoseok yelled into the mic. “Are you guys having fun?! Are you gonna miss us!?” Then his super hype verse began. The coolest thing. As the last chorus started, the confetti cannons blew and showered the entire stadium.

As the song ended, the twelve of us grouped up at the center. Slow music started to play behind him as he gave a speech. He, first of all, thanked the armies for coming out, then he thanked the rest of Bangtan for being there with him on his journey, he thanked Slow Burn and all of the people behind the scenes. He thanked all of their families and then thanked all of the ARMYS again.

It was all in Korean, but at the start of his speech, Yoongi leaned into my ear to translate the entire thing to me. I felt his hot breath against the side of my face as he spoke and when Rap Monster had said the thing about their families, he quickly bit my ear and I felt him smile against the hair he was leaning on. As the speech ended, the twelve of us bowed together and then Slow Burn walked off of the stage so the other boys could do their ending remarks and take one final bow together.

We stood on the side of the stage and watched them as they all got super emotional. Again, it was times like these I wished I could understand Korean. At least noises were universal. Yoongi’s speech was last and there were multiple “Aww” noises and the general vibe in the room was love. The vibe was always love with Bangtan. The connection they had with their fan base was insane and something to not be rivaled. Ji-Hye leaned into me and whispered, “You know he’s talking about you right now?”


“He’s saying that he’s very thankful for the way army has treated you and accepted you. He said he loves you a lot, Y/N.”

I could feel my face heat up red and I instinctively began to cry. Luke furrowed his eyebrows at me but offered his arm for me to cry on. “Hey! Stop crying back there, I’m watching you!” Yoongi laughed out into the microphone in English and I began to cry even more. “Ahh, hell.”

I cried through the end of their concert and then when they walked off of the stage I ran into Yoongi’s arms and cried into him as he carried me towards their dressing room. “”Ahh, stop crying. You don’t even know Korean.”

“Well, someone exposed you and now I’m crying.” I whined into his shoulder as I sniffed out the last few tears. “Does my makeup look okay?”

“Yeah, oddly enough. I’m gonna shower then we’re going back to the hotel and I’m letting you know that you’re getting fucked in that dress. Just in advance.”

I looked up at him with a disgusted face. “You know how to make a mood even better, don’t you?” He simply smirked at me and went into the showers. I pulled out my phone and sent a message in my group chat letting them know I was alright and that I’d see them tomorrow. We’d figured out we all had the same flight time to JFK, so lucky for them I could make sure they got there on time.

He walked out a few minutes later in a nice jacket and dress pants in a hurry. “I’m wide awake . Let’s go, baby girl.” This man basically rushed me out of the building and into the van to the hotel. I guessed it was so he didn’t lose this high he was riding out so he could finish his night strong,

His hand was on my thigh, dangerously close to me. Eventually, he gave up on trying to be subtle and began to suck on my neck lightly, not leaving marks as of yet. He was trying to tease me and we were both aware of it. I didn’t really get the teasing when I knew he literally wanted to have fucking hot sex. But he liked it and it was his night. Thankfully there was no traffic.

Once the van dropped us at the hotel, I purposely walked extra slow to tease him right back. His eyes shot daggers and he literally walked over and simply picked me up. I jumped right into the lift and wrapped my legs around his waist and rested my head on his shoulder, right against his ear. “Watching you tonight, Yoongi… I could barely contain myself. You looked so hot on that stage… and watching everyone marvel over you… The only thing I could think of is that I would be the one who got to go home with you at the end of the night.”

“That’s all you could think about?” I felt his cheekbones lift and I guessed it was the infamous smirk. He got into the elevator and pressed the close door button so nobody else could get in. “You weren’t thinking about anyone else?”

“I could never, Daddy. They could never fuck me like you do.” My whisper was sultry and I knew he was fucking hard. With that notion, I pulled away from his ear and moved my hair from in front of my face. We made eye contact for a moment before he licked his lips and began to kiss me like his life depends on it. My back was to the wall and I felt him against me. With the ding of the elevator, he basically sprinted towards our room.

He basically dropped me to rummage his pockets for the key card and I whimpered at the loss of contact. For such a put together guy, I watched Yoongi fucking fumble that card about 5 times before he actually got it to swipe. Then I was back in his arms for a barely a moment til he threw me on the bed. “Let me break this down for you. I’m gonna give you the schedule-”

“A sex schedule?” I burst into laughter.

“Listen, I know you’re fucking dripping wet for me right now, but it’s been a long day. We’re making love at this point, yada yada. I’m gonna fuck you. Then you can suck me off if you’re down for it.”

“Was that a jok-”

“Shh.” Then his lips were on mine again and I was underneath him like he always liked. I brought a hand up to his neck trying to make it as deep as it could be. His tongue didn’t even beg for entrance tonight, he simply demanded and I quickly knew what kind of night this was going to be. His hand snaked down to the end of my dress and he broke the kiss with a string of saliva hanging between up and I swatted it away. “I don’t wanna rip this.”

“So, take it off.” I propped myself up on my elbows.

“No, it makes daddy happy.” He brought in his famous pout but somehow right now it was more sexy than pathetic.

“Oh my god.” I cleared my throat then tried to put on the sexiest voice I had. “I want you inside of me, please. I’m so fucking wet and it’s all for you.” I brought my finger to my mouth and bit on the nail while looking up at him. “Just, work around the dress.”

He didn’t take any time after that. He inched it up slowly and I swear his pants and boxers were off at lightning speed. “I watched you tonight too, you know. You deserve this, baby girl. You were so- sexy. Your looks, your talent, your confidence, the way you watched me tonight…” He wasted no time pushing right into me. His hips quickly gained speed and he leaned forward to kiss me.

My elbows quickly slipped out from under me and I now had one hand in his hair and the other gripped onto his side. I threw off the jacket with my free hand and broke the kiss for a moment to rip off of his shirt. I traced his defined chest with my finger to quiet my loud moans of his name, not trying to give him a weird headache right now. He was pounding into me relentlessly and I couldn’t help expect to bite his lip, causing him to break the kiss to laugh his airey out of breath laugh. “Fuck.” he was out of breath but that wouldn’t stop him from teasing me even in the most intimate moments. “You’re so loud for me all of the time. If I slowed down would you quiet down? Or do you still want it rough?” his motions copied his words and I felt like I’d ascended. We’d been in this hotel room for about 2 days and fucked like 3 times, it felt like a safe space to fucking leave my body in.

“I can’t help but think of all the guys who watched you tonight.” he continued his lament, “You looked so fucking sexy in this dress all night, Y/N. I just laughed when I saw them marvel at you.” he brought his body lower to moan into my ear, “This is my little pussy and they fucking know it. I get to fuck you, in and out. Nobody can fuck you like I can. Nobody will ever fuck you like I can. Nobody else will ever fuck you, period.

It was in that moment that I came all around him and he basked in the glory of it. As I hit my orgasm, I screamed out his name as I clenched around him. “Just my words made you come for me that quick?” he teased me, again.

“Maybe it was your cock going 90 miles per hour.” I should stop making sly comments. He was stopped for the second and I took it upon myself to move him out of me and get off of the bed and onto my knees. He knew what I was doing almost right away, I was simply following his “schedule”.

I knew it wouldn’t take long to get him to cum, he was already so close. I cupped his balls and squeezed them lightly, knowing he liked that. Knowing that it would get him a little bit mad that his dick wasn’t already in my throat. He made eye contact with me and squinted, full well knowing my games. With that, I took him into my mouth and began to bob my head.

His head shot back and his hand instantly was on my head, with a small fistful of hair within his hand.  It was probably barely a minute until his dick began to twitch and he came down my throat. The moan of my name that escaped his lips was probably enough to make me dripping wet again, but I had to cool myself off.

He let go of my hair and extended a hand to help me onto my feet. He wiped my lip for excess cum and put his index finger into my mouth. I sucked on it and licked around, not breaking the intense eye contact he was keeping. His sweaty, straight face broke and he leaned in to kiss me with the goofiest grin on. “Hey, Y/N. Baby. Thank you.”

“You’re thanking me- for sex?” I was confused, simply.

“Hey, we’re calling it making love now. I’m thanking you for love. For loving me.” His arms wrapped around me to undo the zipper on the dress. Once it fell to the ground, his hands were on my ass, lifting me up once again.

“Don’t thank me for loving you.” He pecked at my lips and unclasped my bra and placed me back onto the bed. “I just- love you. I know you. It’s not a favor or anything. I- I-” A loss for words. “Thank you.”

His gummy smile was on now as he pulled off my panties and jogged across the room into my suitcase to find me something to wear. “It sounds stupid or whatever, but I don’t know Y/N, You just- make me happy. I love being like this. Everything is just so good in my life and I’m afraid it’ll crash down or something.” He came back over to me in a pair or his boxers and handed me one of my shirts and shorts.

Yoongi sat on the end of the bed right next to me and watched me quickly get dressed. “Why the sudden glum? Is everything kinda hitting you at once?”

“Yeah.” The mood change was upsetting. His head was in his hand now and he studied me with intense eyes. “I’m just wondering how I got so lucky.”

All I wanted to do here was make a slick joke, but I could see something was making him upset somewhere. Yoongi had this terrible habit of pushing off his feelings until they got to a point where they exploded and we’d been trying to work on that. I just wanted him to be able to communicate his feelings with me before he took them out somewhere bad. “I think about that a lot too.” My voice was low.

“Yeah, life’s great and we’re happy, right? But, I kinda fucked you over with this idol thing.” His voice was sullen. “It’s so tough for you and it hurts me so bad seeing you cry when you’re literally the thing that prevents me from feeling that way.”

“Hey, buddy.” He looked up with a disgusted face to the buddy. “Honey bear, Oats, Shrek. Listen. I can handle it. Sometimes I have bad days and maybe I scare you, but my budding sense of humor gets me through it. And you. Thinking about being with you forever and ever is fucking scary, but so are your rapping skills and look how good that’s going. So, trust me when I say I’m okay and know that if I wasn’t I’d tell you. You know I like to be honest with you.”

“I know.” he reached his arm around my shoulder and pulled my head into him. “This is just me letting my thoughts get to me at the weirdest times.” he had a smile on his face now, “We’re gonna sleep. Then we’re gonna wake up and go to America.”

“Is this on your schedule too?” he let go of me and elbowed my arm. Without a word he crawled to the head of the bed and tucked himself into the covers.

“Light.” he mumbled and I groaned and slowly walked across the room to turn it off.

Then that was our conversation for the night. I slipped into the bed and slept a bit away from him, only feeling his fingers resting in the ends of my hair that laid next to him. The lights of the city seeped through the curtains and I glanced over at his already sleeping self. He was amazing, inside and out. He didn’t exactly snore, but his breathing was loud tonight. There was something different about the way he was asleep tonight and I didn’t notice until I felt my tired eyes glued to his face in order to find out.

Yoongi was smiling in his sleep tonight and it simply warmed my heart.

Authors Note: First of all, I want to say I do NOT own any of the songs used within this chapter. They’re amazing songs by their respective artists and I simply thought they fit very well with the messages I was trying to get across!

Second, thank you so much for the feedback on Pressure! I love to hear what you guys think and my messages and ask box are always open, so please let me know what you thought!

part 5  →

We Can Feel So Far (From So Close) (1/2)

Waiting until your best friend left for a cross country tour was a fine time to realize you’re in love with him. Captain Swan.

This is the first of a two shot that I finally decided to post after having it sit in my Google Docs since last summer. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this first part!

Rated T | Word count: 8139 | Also on AO3 and

There’s an old quote that says something along the lines of “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” That you don’t realize just how much you love someone until they’re no longer around.

When Emma would come across phrases like that a few years ago, she would typically roll her eyes and mutter some kind of sarcastic remark, all while trying not to dwell on the fact that there probably would never be someone for her to love like that.

But of course, that was before she met Killian. And everything changed.

They meet on a Thursday night, under unusual circumstances. Emma had moved into her new apartment that afternoon, a simple one bedroom in Boston that was more than enough space for her and the small amount of items in her possession. The whole day had been a disaster from the get go. First thing that morning, her previous landlord accused her of not paying the last month’s rent, and threatened to sue if he didn’t get it immediately. (The look on his face when he realize he was in the wrong was priceless. And he wondered why she was moving out of his crappy building.) Then, the movers she could barely afford to hire wound up taking her furniture to the wrong apartment complex on the other side of Boston. By the time the fiasco had been taken care of, it was nearly the end of the day. Saying she was exhausted was an understatement.

Emma stands in the middle of the living room, observing the chaos that was now her new home. She may have brought a small number of things with her, but most of said things were still in boxes, scattered around on the floor and waiting to be put away. She’d unpacked a box of clothes solely to dig out her favorite Batman pajamas, leaving the rest piled up in the corner of her bedroom. Just something else that could wait until tomorrow when she wasn’t both starving and sleep deprived.

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"Riverdale" Star KJ Apa Is a Real-Life Archie Andrews, Minus All the Girlfriends
The Kiwi heartthrob is a musician, an athlete, and a family man. But he's just too busy for love right now.

If it’s either bearding or this, everyone on the planet would choose this. But this article only works if you infer things. If you read it from the point of view that even though he’s never said so, he’s straight, and if you expect that the interviewer is just paraphrasing KJ’s words. The second neither of these things are true, the goal of the article falls apart.

This analysis is going to have four focuses, but I promise, it won’t be as confusing and non-linear as the article itself.

So let’s start there. This is not written in the style of an interview. This is written as a feature. The main difference between interviews and features is that features don’t read like a Q&A. From a writer’s perspective, when the writer doesn’t like what they are hearing, this is optimal. They can insert certain words in certain places and don’t have to write based on the flow of the conversation. They also don’t have to insert their questions, so even though the question might have been “when was your most recent date with a girl” and he may have said “when I was 14,” for instance, the fact that the answer I the article itself was forced isn’t there. I’m not saying that’s what happened, but I am saying we don’t know.

Now, this first paragraph. His best friend is Boston, so this story is from June, the week of his birthday. First of all, this story is so broken up, it’s not even clear if these quotes came from the same part of the conversation. Secondly, he never uses the word date. The interviewer does. And throughout this interview, though he doesn’t open the door to the “I’m gay” conversation, he sure as hell closes it on the “do you have a girlfriend” one. The implication that he’s talking about a date and not, anything else in the world, exists because of how we see the world. A guy asks a girl for her number, it’s romantic. That’s not always the case, and given everything we’ve seen previously involving KJ, it’s unlikely to be the case here.

And the next paragraph kind of confirms that. KJ is 20, hot as fuck, ripped as fuck, and…never had a girlfriend? Never having a long-term girlfriend is something I can understand, but never having a girlfriend isn’t something you expect to hear from someone like him. Also, yes, the interviewer is paraphrasing, so we have no idea what he actually said, but I’m going to bet it wasn’t “never been in a relationship.” Relationship shuts down any gender. Girlfriend is specific.

We then move on to Snoz, which, is completely out of place in this interview, so as I said, this order is off and there is a lot that the writer decided to cut. Anyways, champagne and chocolates means romantic getaway. If he’s not dating someone, why the fuck would he ask for that? So Snoz wasn’t supposed to be on this trip with him, which, I figured out when it happened. The logistics of that week were…strange. CS arrived from Paris, they did that horrible promo shoot, where it was so bad they just photoshopped each of the cast members in from different takes, and then KJ and Snoz left for London and got there three hours late, mind you. With this new information, it makes a lot more sense. The shoot was last minute. CS wasn’t supposed to come home. They WERE supposed to have a romantic trip. Glad to know he was supposed to stay there and the logistics weren’t totally fucked originally.

The big piece of this interview, the piece that makes my heart soar is that KJ talks about depression for the first time. Throughout everything, LR mentions anxiety or social anxiety or depression in virtually every breath she takes. And KJ has stayed completely silent. It’s clear from watching interviews, especially what happened in TV Line at comic con 2017, that he’s not fine. That he has something, be it anxiety or depression. He doesn’t say either word, but he does talk about it here. The phrase “humans need humans” is such a fundamental phrase that takes many people a long time to learn. He talks about being lonely, but when you are surrounded by people and you are lonely, people, as he says he chose not to spend time with, that’s not loneliness, that’s something different. It’s not humans need to be around humans. It’s a need that goes beyond an acquaintance or cast mate. I’m not saying he’s talking about CS, but given how CS talks about him, it wouldn’t be a bad bet.

Second mental health discussion they have is about “imposter’s syndrome,” which, as I understand it, is kind of like survivor’s guilt. Why am I here, what makes me special? Why am I better than everyone else? It’s a rare thing for someone in the industry to discuss cause it’s the polar opposite of having your head in the clouds, it’s almost being too grounded. And we’ve seen this before. Lee, the director of the 13th episode talked about it in detail in his Instagram post, about how KJ’s humble nature goes far and away beyond that of anyone else he’s worked with. When I say KJ isn’t like any other actor or celebrity I’ve encountered, I think this is why.

His final mental health discussion revolves around The Rock of all people. He mentions how The Rock is always happy and how he wishes he could be too. In a conversation with Timena, she reminded him that that’s not who he is, and that’s okay. I don’t want to say much of this for fear of crossing boundaries I shouldn’t cross. But it’s clear from watching his social media that things get to him really easily and he wears his heart on his sleeve. I think it’s important to see guys with a voice like that. It kind of tears down the notion that emotion and masculinity are opposing forces. I hope he talks more about this in the future.

KJ is pretty remarkable. He mentions CS literally any chance he gets. And the strange thing, this interviewer wasn’t having it. She narrows the CS conversation down to three points. 1. CS got KJ into Pearl Jam. 2. CS and KJ are “good mates” 3. KJ bought hundreds of dollars worth of records (he doesn’t even have a player) and specifically bought one for CS. In Rainbows. At the MMVAs KJ said that CS got him into Radiohead and seeing as he only bought something for CS, other than himself, that’s kind of a big deal. KJ talks about CS as if he’s his spokesperson, and CS does the same about KJ. When we talked about what was edited for this feature, KJ’s thoughts on CS goes to the top of my list. Also, I guess we know what KJ got CS for his birthday.

The rest of the girl stuff is throw away. “right time, right girl” is pretty recognizable code for never going to happen. And the next sentence, “I’m pretty busy at the moment. I don’t know how much I have to offer to someone right now.” was not the next sentence in the conversation. It probably had nothing to do with girls, in fact.

The final point is Jennifer Anniston. Besides it being incredibly generic, someone else gives that answer whenever Dylan Sprouse isn’t an option. Not that two boys having the same “celeb crush” is weird, but when one boy hasn’t even seen the thing the woman is known for, something seems a bit off.

All in all, this interview has a lot of insight into KJ from his relationship with his family, to his views on his own mindset to shutting down the girlfriend question for good.

A Secret Love

A Secret Love

Warnings: mentions of nightmares, minor smut.
A/N this popped into my head & wouldn’t leave. It was supposed to be pure smut but as usual, things grow. I hope y'all like it.

“You’re doing it again y/n” Nat catches you by surprise making you squeak. You knew you shouldn’t have let her discover your secrets, the unfortunate thing about having the best spy in the world for a best friend is that no secret is safe for long. All it had taken was 2 glasses of your favorite wine after 1 of your father’s parties & the super spy had gotten the name of your crush out of you. A secret you’d been hiding for over a year & a half.

The reason it was a secret wasn’t just because your crush was the unattainable Bucky Barnes, though with Tony Stark for a father, that was beyond enough. He may have forgiven Bucky for the death of his parents, but that didn’t mean he’d be accepting of his daughter being in love with him. Which brings you to the second reason for your secret. You were helplessly, hopelessly in love with the former fist of Hydra.

As soon as you met him, you knew you were sunk. He seemed so anxious at first & all you wanted was to make him feel at home & try to make him smile. So you spent as much time with him as you could, countless movie nights, buckets of popcorn & trips to museums to catch him up on history & help him integrate into society. Somewhere during these adventures, Bucky had begun to find that part of himself that had been such a ladies man before the war. He would flirt shamelessly with you, much to your father’s frustration.

You had fallen hard & fast, you refused to let yourself get your hopes up though, you couldn’t, especially since every time your father threw 1 of his famous parties Bucky could always be found surrounded by the same group of women.

Which brought you back to the present, Nat had in fact found you staring at Bucky & his supermodel groupies. They were clinging to him as if he was going to disappear, all competing with each other on who could gain his attention.

Snapping fingers bring you back to the present, “where were you woman?” “Oh, nowhere special, just thinking “ you know she’s not going to let you off this easily, she wouldn’t be Nat if she did. Raising an eyebrow, Nat just stares at you before grabbing her drink & walking off but yells back over her shoulder “you realize the only people you’re fooling is yourself & Bucky right?” You collapse on the bar, you’re definitely screwed.

Unable to handle the high-pitched squeals from the groupies any longer, you grab a bottle of your favorite wine & head to your floor, not seeing the cerulean eyes following your form through the crowd.

Bucky’s POV

I watch her glide through the crowd, wanting nothing more than to follow her. I don’t know when it happened, 1 day we were watching movie, going on little adventures & laughing together at Sam’s dramatic ass & the next I find myself trying to find any excuse possible to be near her. Even if it meant going to Starks unbearable parties.

The “groupies” as Sam calls them, have surrounded me again. I hate this, they never have anything worth hearing to say, all they do is talk about how amazing I am, how much I must work out, how it must be SO exciting to be an avenger.

None seem to realize how stupid they sound. I’m not Sam or Steve who can go out without fearing people’s reactions, I was the Winter Soldier, if I get recognized, it rarely ends well. I spend every day trying to atone for the atrocities committed through me by Hydra. I’m not dumb enough to think I bare the blame, but it was still my hands taking those lives.

The only time I don’t feel guilty is when I’m with y/n, she treats me just like everyone else. So it was no surprise to Steve when I fell in love with her, I don’t see how everyone isn’t in love with her. Unfortunately, she just sees me as a friend, which means I’ll never have her. I just have to be content to love her from afar. Not that it stops me from flirting with her nonstop, especially since it gets Starks pants in a bunch. I know Steve thinks I shouldn’t mess with the man, but I can’t help myself, nor do I want to. I find myself flirting with her more & more every day.


It’s been 3 weeks since the party, 3 weeks of absolute hell. Bucky has taken to flirting even more & since Sam’s big mouth had let it slip that he’d heard the “groupies” (insert sassy Sam air quotes) bitching how none of them had managed to get Barnes into bed, him always claiming that he “just wasn’t that into them & had eyes for someone special” your mind had decided that every sleeping moment had to be spent dreaming of Bucky. Shirtless, sweaty, moaning Bucky. On top of you, under you, behind you, hell if there was a position that was even remotely possible physically, you’d dreamed it.

As if your dreams weren’t torture enough, it was summer time & Bucky had taken to walking around shirtless at all times. If someone complained he simply wiggled his eyebrows & claimed that the serum didn’t just  enhanced EVERYTHING physically, it also made him hot all the time & after 70 years of skintight leather he refused to be uncomfortable. He would then catch your eye, wink then walk out smirking at your flaming cheeks.

A month later

This must be what dying feels like, it’s now been a month since the party & Bucky’s teasing has escalated from winks & slightly suggestive comments to “accidental” touches that linger longer than is proper & everything out of his sinful mouth has begun to sound like an innuendo. The entire team has noticed the sexual tension between the 2 of you by now & the betting pool has opened. Thankfully your father has been preoccupied with his new suit, so he’s blissfully unaware that the entire tower is betting on how long it takes before you 2 rip each other’s clothes. Most have bet that you’ll snap first, especially with all the teasing Bucky has been doing. The grunting loudly during a workout, moaning when eating, the man is being downright sinful. But you have a secret weapon, you have Natasha. Grabbing your secret weapon, you buy a whole new wardrobe specifically geared towards tormenting Bucky. The first day you debuted your new yoga shorts & crop tops, Bucky broke the edge of the counter top. Everyone looked at him with wide eyes but you just linked arms with Natasha & left for the gym. The game was on.

2 weeks later

Bucky’s POV

Bucky was dying, at first when he’d decided to just go for it & hope for the best, it had seemed foolproof. He started slowly, little teasing remarks & not wearing a shirt. When that had been met with intense blushing by you, he figured it was as good of a sign that he was going to get that you might return his affections. So he’d stepped it up, but nothing had prepared him for you to partner with Natasha to bring him to his knees. You were already killing him just by being your amazing self. Partnered with Natasha? You were kryptonite & he didn’t stand a chance in hell. If he had to see 1 more pair of yoga shorts or skirts that barely covered your ass, he was going to strangle someone. Starting with the lower agents who couldn’t keep their eyes in their heads when you entered the room.


You can’t sleep, nightmares from last week’s mission are making it impossible. So you pull on the Henley you stole from Bucky’s laundry basket & head to the kitchen for some tea.

Bucky’s already there with 2 cups in front of him, he hands you the second cup without even looking, having already heard you coming. “Nightmares again?” “yeah, just can’t get that last mission out of my head. Thanks for the tea, it always helps.“ His only answer is to shrug then pick you up & carry you back to your room. Nothing could’ve prepared you for the feeling of Bucky carrying you, sure you’ve hugged him before, he’s even carried you home drunk before but this feels different, more intimate.

He sets you down at your door, careful not to spill your tea. Something in you is desperate for this moment to last but before you can say anything Bucky pulls you close, his lips meet your cheeks for a few moments before he pulls away. He seems reluctant to go but finally whispers goodnight before slowly turning and heading for his room. You quickly rush into your room, leaning against the door, your hand resting where his lips were just seconds ago. You know sleep will be hard to find tonight, but it won’t have anything to do with nightmares.

Bucky’s POV

Letting her go was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. All I want is to run back to her, kiss her senseless & spend the rest of the night holding her. I know I can’t right now, but I want to. I try to forget how her heart raced as I leaned in to kiss her, it makes me want to find other ways of getting her heart racing. “Stop it Barnes!! There’s a mission coming up & you’ll be the only 1 here with her.” Oh great, now I’m really not going to sleep, all I can think of is having her beneath me.


You stare at the picture, eyes unsure where to look the longest. Bucky is in a tub, all that’s visible above the bubbles is his chest & abs that would make the gods weep with envy & the tree trunks that are his thighs. The part of your brain that’s functioning somewhat is screaming at you to run to him, somewhere in the non functioning part, there’s a warning of your father coming home but you can’t hear it over the sound of your feet flying down the hallway. Your eyes met Bucky’s & as soon as he holds out that damn metal arm, all thought flies out the window. What follows is a flurry of clothes flying, heated kisses & heavy moans as you finally sink down onto Bucky’s throbbing member. Both of you moving together chasing your ends, suddenly your orgasm crashes down over you causing you to clamp down on Bucky triggering his own orgasm. Your screams mix with his moans, neither of you hearing FRIDAY calling out that the team had landed.

The teams POV

The screams echo through the hall, without a thought we all bolted for the bathroom that FRIDAY said the sounds were coming from. Stark blasted the door open only to be met with the sight of a naked Bucky pulling his shirt down y/n’s body, her hands buried in his hair holding his lips to hers “What the shit Barnes?!?! It’s not enough that you kill my parents, now you gotta go & defile my daughter too?!!!” As soon as the door blasted open Bucky pulls y/n into his arms to shield her, seeing her father & knowing he’s likely planning Bucky’s demise she yells for him to run. Luckily following orders is a habit that’s deeply ingrained in the soldier & he takes off like a bolt of lightning with Stark hot on his heels alternating between cursing his name & yelling warnings about hurting his little girl.

I hope y'all liked it!!! Let me know what you think please.
@bolontiku @ryverpenrad @musichowler @clublulu333 @frenchtherainbow @theimpossibleg1rl @misshyen @sebstanchrisevanchickforever19

Just the two of us

Part 6

OKAY, so sorry this one took so long but I present to you, PART 6! *cheering in the background* Anyway, I had school and work which delayed this, and I really hope the next part doesn’t take as long. 

(Also, if anyone can find the reference I made to ACOTAR, and not ACOMAF cause that one is really obvious, I will hand out a teaser for the Part 7! :) )

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5Part 7, Part 8Part 9.

Word Count: 3,101


The next three days passed in a blur.

I finished my painting for my advanced art class two days after Halloween. My portrait of Hades was hauntingly similar to how Rhysand dressed for Halloween.

It was a profile from the side, the Hades in my picture smirked over at the viewer. His eyes gleamed with mischief and something darker. He held out a hand that was drenched in a flame of shadow.

He had the same facial structure as Rhys but I swapped out the violet of his irises for a brown so dark it was almost black. I also made his lips thinner and hair longer. It looked like Rhys but only if you knew where to look.

For example, I can’t look at the hard line of his jaw too long otherwise my brain will revert back to when I was snuggled against him.

I had covered the painting until it was due this morning.

And then after class I had a twelve hour shift working at the coffee shop down the street. Although I absolutely hate my job, it pays really well and helps to pay rent—the free tea during my shift isn’t that bad of a deal either.

Now I was soaking in a bubble bath, my current novel was set beside the tub as I sink lower into the steaming water. I wanted the stench of coffee off of my skin and out of my hair.

I hadn’t gotten any sarcastic texts from Rhys about us hanging out again. I was actually looking forward to seeing him again.

I push the thought of him out of my mind. I am too tired to think about some handsome guy who spent the night in my bed. It was late already, and if I could I would fall asleep right in the bath.


I am towel drying my hair as I walk out of the bathroom and into my room. Rhysand’s shirts were really very comfortable to sleep in, I had on the second one he had left me along with warm leggings.

My teeth were already brushed, my hair was now a damp curtain down my back, and I could hold off one more night on my English Lit paper.

I would like to say I climb nicely into bed but it was more like a face-first swan dive onto my sheets. My face hits the pillow with a cushioned thump.

Flicking the lamp off on my nightstand was always so nice to me. When the darkness finally envelopes me and I can sink into it, drifting off to sleep with the darkness comforting my mind like the blankets on my bed.

The darkness that was interrupted by the flash of light on my phone.

I groan inwardly, who the hell would be texting me at 12:30 on a Tuesday night?

Rhysand’s name flashed across my phone, making my heart stumble.

Of course he would be trying to talk to me when I was trying to go to sleep. He did say he was a night owl.

“Hello Feyre darling, I don’t know if you’re up but I have made reservations tomorrow night and hope you would like to accompany me. I have something planned for afterwards too. Dress nice. x Rhys.” 

Keep reading

This scene was the final nail in the proverbial coffin of Arrow’s Feels Fiesta in their 100th episode. After the gut wrenching scenes between Oliver and his family and Oliver’s brave and selfless decision to leave this fantasy world where he was a regular guy. A world where he was not crippled by emotional trauma (and physical one too, come to think of it) or where he carried physical representation of the horrors he’s had to endure for a decade.

Just before he leaves back for “the real world” Oliver turns around and sees projections? Hallucinations? Holograms? of the people he loves most. Granted it’s not a complete cast of people because 3 other people Oliver loves dearly just left through the portal. He doesn’t need a reminder of Thea, John and Sara because he got them back within this bizarro world.

But the rest of them? The people Oliver sees in front of him in that gif? - They are people he can’t get back. His parents, Tommy, and Laurel are dead. Roy and Felicity are unattainable to him in the way that he needs them. Roy can’t be by his side, can’t be his friend and brother anymore because Roy chose to save Oliver’s life at the expense of his own and had to run. Felicity is in Oliver’s life but not in the way Oliver would like - she’s his friend and partner, yes, but that’s not enough. It probably never will.

So it makes sense that Oliver would see these people at such a pivotal moment of his life. A moment where he embraces who he is. All of who he is, and a moment which is undoubtedly one of the most painful things he’s ever had to do, because he has to let his family go. And while it wouldn’t be the first time he’s lost them, it’ll most certainly be the first time Oliver chose to leave them.

Remember Oliver’s words to Barry in the previous part of the crossover (The Flash 3x08)? - “I had no choice” / “I was helpless”. Because all these losses (even in part, the loss of Felicity) were beyond Oliver’s control. Someone else decided to take these people away from Oliver and he had no say in the matter: Robert killed himself, Dahrk killed Laurel, Roy, Felicity and Diggle faked Roy’s death and helped him flee, Slade murdered Moira, Malcolm’s Undertaking killed Tommy, and Felicity was the one who decided to break things off.

So in many ways this scene is about Oliver letting them go. It’s about Oliver accepting that loss and making a conscious decision to move on. One that broke his heart, but one that needed to be done nevertheless. 

And yet… It’s not exactly that. Because there is someone in that group of people that doesn’t fit the “people Oliver has lost” category. That person is Felicity. She is very much in Oliver’s life. She’s maybe not his girlfriend or fiancee anymore, but she is his partner and his friend. She is in Oliver’s life in ways that the rest of the charaters in this group aren’t. Another thing that distinguishes Felicity from the rest of them is her placement.

Moira, Tommy, Laurel, Roy and Robert are all standing at the bottom of the stairs. On the ground at an eye level with Oliver. Felicity is the only one who towers several steps above them all. Practically speaking? - There’s no reason for this. There’s plenty of space where the rest of the characters are. They would have only needed to have Moira take 2-3 steps to the left to accomodate Felicity. I’ll admit I haven’t quite figured out what the meaning of this positiong is because I am still wrapping my head around this maginificent masterpiece of an episode. And before you say, “she’s the love of his life” (which she undoubtedly is) I think there’s more to it than simply that. The argument of “she’s the most important woman in his life” doesn’t work for me either. Because there are several women who take top priority on Oliver Queen’s list and those are Moira, Thea and Felicity. I’d even go as far as to include Sara in this list (less so Laurel) beacuse of how intricately linked Oliver and Sara’s journey’s are and how the characters mirror each other in so many ways.

To quote Olivanders though, it only gets “curioser and curioser” as this scene continues. Because these characters get to “speak” and we get to have a closer look at their horrible cgi effects them. I have stared at this gif for the longest time trying to figure out the order these characters have been placed in. They weren’t going for symmetry or the boy/girl thing. They weren’t going for a chronological order of Oliver’s losses. And really, there’s nothing that makes sense while you look at the six of them as a group. But once you break them down to two groups of men / women things suddenly clear up.

We start with Moira. It makes sense that she’ll be the first. For one, Arrow started with this very same image - Oliver’s mother. Oliver’s mother and their love for one another. There are very few things in this world that are more precious and more revered than a mother’s love for her child. And regardless of all the questionable, bad choices Moira has done in her life, she loved her children fiercely. Her words to Oliver are a combination of several seasons. The first and last words she ever said to him: “You’ll never be without me, my beautiful boy.” and “there is nothing else to be said, except I could not be more proud”.

Then we move straight to Felicity. We hear her before we see her. She continues right where Moira left off and just like Moira her words to Oliver echo several seasons. Season 4′s “you’ve become something else. You’ve become someone else” which in itself is an idea so deeply rooted into Oliver’s own mind. That somehow he is two people and those two people cannot live in the same body. Then she echoes her words that gave Oliver hope when there was none to be had. She says “You honour the dead by fighting and you are not done fighting” which is especially poignant given the context of the scene it’s in. Oliver surrounded by his dead loved ones. People he loved, lost and wants to so desperately do right by. Even in their death.

Felicity’s words are a schism. She is simultaneously Oliver’s self doubt and Oliver’s hope. And maybe that’s why she’s standing above everyone else. Because while Robert, Moira, Tommy, Roy and Laurel are reminders of what and who Oliver has lost, Felicity is a reminder of what he has gained. Of what he can look forward to. Of his mission and desire to do good which are not solely fueled by his father’s words anymore. And frankly, there is no one more fitting to represent that growth for Oliver. Especially since she is the one who prompted and inspired him to help people outside his list.

Lastly, there’s Laurel, quite possibly the most turbulent of Oliver’s relationships for reasons that are 95% Oliver’s own fault. In an episode where Laurel was the symbol of  a “what if” and a “what could have been” in a way that was extremely reminiscent of those early days on the Island where Oliver used to stare at her photo and build her up as his perfect, unattainable love, Laurel’s words to Oliver in that moment are a stark contrast to it all. Beacuse “I know who you are in your bones, Oliver, and that person doesn’t give up” are the first words Laurel told him since Slade outed his identity to her. It’s the first time on the show that Laurel saw Oliver for who he is, instead of the man he used to be or the one Laurel thought he was.

They are especially important coming off the back of Oliver breaking Laurel’s heart again in this bizarro world by running off to go back home. Because Oliver of days past would have taken this opportunity to hate himself and be hard on himself and convince himself that he is underserving of forgiveness and incapable of growth. So hearing Laurel say this is not only an acknowledgement that he finally heard Laurel, but that he also understood what she was trying to tell him. Just as much as his acknowledgement that the Laurel he knew, the real Laurel would not hold this particular separation against him. And that she would have done the same thing in his shoes, because they both share that same pig-headed stubborness that doesn’t let them give up on anything.

Moving on to the gents.

We start with Tommy. The most important man in Oliver’s life. Oliver’s first brother (because Digg is his brother too. and so is Roy). Oliver’s oldest and closest friend and incidentally, one of Oliver’s biggest regrets. Not Tommy or their friendship, but rather the way Oliver handled it after his return home. Tommy’s words are a curious thing though. He’s the only character whose words haven’t actually been spoken by him on the show. Tommy’s “I know I called you a murder but you are not. You are a hero” are of the time Oliver hallucinated him while fighting Cyrus Gold. They are Oliver’s wish of what Tommy could have come to say one day if they ever got the chance to reconcile, had Tommy been alive. Tommy is an echo of Sara’s words to Laurel “some things you just can’t fix”. Tommy is to Oliver what Laurel is to Sara. Unfixable. One regret no amount of self acceptance and self care will ever cure. Tommy is a representation of that bone deep dull pain of losing someone you love, but learning to live with it. Tommy is the manifestation of the fact that even though Oliver learns to move on, the sting of the loss and its heaviness would always be there.

After Tommy follows Roy. Roy Harper. The first person Oliver took under his wing. Someone who put his life in Oliver’s hands and who Oliver feels he has failed. So Roy’s words of “You saved my life, you gave me purpose. It’s time we get to save you.” are a reminder to him that much like Digg, Felicity, Thea and Sara (and even Laurel) Roy makes and has made his own choices. That as much damage as Oliver thinks he’s done to this boy he’s also done an equal if not greater good to him. And in many ways, Roy learned the same lessons Oliver had to much quicker than Oliver did. And that just like Roy grew from this jaded, angry young man that Oliver saw so much of himself in, just as Roy learned to overcome his own fears and horrors, so can Oliver. So will Oliver. If throughout the first 3 season Oliver was Roy’s inspiration it is now Roy’s turn to inspire Oliver.

And lastly, Robert. Robert is the last person who speaks to Oliver which in so many ways brings Oliver and his journey full circle, because it was Robert who started Oliver on this quest to be better. On the quest to live. Robert’s words “This is your responsibility now” are more approving than demanding which again, is a very stark contrast to Robert’s last words to Oliver. His downright aggressive and insistent “Survive!” - not a plea, not a request, but an order. Oliver finally chose to accept this responsibility in 5.08 rather than have it thrust upon him by one person or the other. So Robert’s words are in many ways a parting blessing from a father to his son, but at the same time they are also a reminder that Oliver can now truly start to honour his father. Because not only will he be fulfilling Robert’s dying wish of cleaning their home of corruption and crime, but he will also be doing it the right way and for the right reasons. Oliver’s heart is finally in what he does.

In many ways each of these people represents a season of Arrow. Obviously, Robert is the representation of season 1 - so much of it revolved around Oliver’s promise to his father. About making sure his father’s sacrifice was worth it. That Robert’s judgement call was not for nothing.

Tommy and Moira represent Season 2 - the season which revolved around Oliver’s vow to Tommy that he will not kill anymore. That he will honour his best friend’s memory and their friendship in the only way he knows how. Then there’s Moira and how much her loss hurt. And yet, by the end of the season Oliver not only honoured Tommy, but his mother as well. Because he chose to be the bigger person, to take the high road, to show mercy instead of cruelty.

Then there’s Laurel and Roy - the manifestation of season 3. A season where they came to be into the heroes that they are. A season that was all about finding your identity and gritting your teeth and plowing through the pain to move forward. They are also two people who Oliver took under his wing and failed. Much like he failed himself in trying to be “two people”.

Season 4 - Felicity. How Oliver adopted a more optimistic and accepting outlook. How he finally dared to want and work for his future. How he opened up his heart and loved and lost and hurt And yet, how despite all that he is still there and still fighting and still growing. A testament to his personal growth because where he would have run from his troubles in the past in this season he looked them in the eye and said “not a chance”.

And finally, there’s Oliver, looking teary eyed at the manifestation of his journey so far. Looking at the last decade of his life and deciding to cherish it instead of having it as a burden. To see the growth and self-value it granted him instead of the pain and suffering. Oliver is the representation of season 5 in this scene. Because he is his own legacy just as much as these people are his legacy. His actions, his choices. They are what matters. They are what will be left of him after he is gone. That is what will be remembered.

And with all of that Oliver steps into the light and goes home.