the one with the fertility test

  • what she says: i'm fine
  • what she really means: in season 9 episode 21 of Friends "The One With the Fertility Test" Chandler tells Monica they are both incapable of having a baby, due to low sperm motility and an inhospitable environment. I always assumed Chandler lied to Monica about his low sperm motility so Monica wouldn't find out she was the reason they couldn't conceive. (Even though there was no way to prove it). However, when the doctor calls and Chandler answers, he asks to speak to Monica...if something was wrong with Chandler, the doctor would've told him because he was already on the phone. And when Monica asked Chandler if there was a problem with him or with her, before answering, Chandler hesitates and looks off to the side a little before saying "actually it's both of us."
  • so basically all I'm ever going to think about is how Chandler probably did lie to Monica to protect her from knowing that she is the reason they cannot naturally have a child, the one thing she has wanted since the beginning of season 1, and now i have to cry for eternity
Villainous Headcanons Part 2
  • Flug has a pair of noise-cancelling headphones that he wears under the bag when working. Sometimes he listens to music; sometimes he just wears them to block out the racket of his housemates so he can stay calm and focus on his projects
  •  It’s a unanimously agreed upon rule that no one try to remove Flug’s bag, but Demencia likes to scribble on it when he’s sleeping
  •  This happens a lot 
  •  All sharpies, pens and pencils are kept in a secured multi-lock safe that Demencia is incapable of opening because of how often this happens
  •  5.0.5 has his own personal flower garden that he plants and takes care of. It was declared off limits to the rest of the household after BH and Flug used the garden to test a hexed, scientifically advanced fertilizer that turns plants evil
youtube

D-printed ovaries allow infertile mice to give birth

Infertile mice have given birth to healthy pups after having their fertility restored with ovary implants made with a 3D printer.

Researchers created the synthetic ovaries by printing porous scaffolds from a gelatin ink and filling them with follicles, the tiny, fluid-holding sacs that contain immature egg cells.

In tests on mice that had one ovary surgically removed, scientists found that the implants hooked up to the blood supply within a week and went on to release eggs naturally through the pores built into the gelatin structures.

The work marks a step towards making artificial ovaries for young women whose reproductive systems have been damaged by cancer treatments, leaving them infertile or with hormone imbalances that require them to take regular hormone-boosting drugs.

“Our hope is that one day this ovarian bioprosthesis is really the ovary of the future,” said Teresa Woodruff at Northwestern University in Chicago. “The goal of the project is to be able to restore fertility and endocrine health to young cancer patients who have been sterilised by their cancer treatment.”

anonymous asked:

Hello I am potato anon and I love your blog! How would the RFA and V and Saeran react to MC telling them that they're pregnant? It would also be funny if MC told them in a funny way, like putting a bun in the oven. Thanks and keep up the awesome work!!!

The calm before the sin….. or was it after? Oh, and keep tissues nearby just in case.

~Nao

RFA + V + Saeran react to MC announcing her pregnancy

Yoosung

  • You’d been trying for almost a year now
  • You’re both lowkey afraid that one of you might be infertile or what
  • You’ve visited specialists, but there’s nothing wrong with both of you when it came to fertility.
  • It’s just that… the embryo couldn’t hold on long enough to develop
  • So you undergo a special treatment to prevent miscarriages.
  • The pregnancy test comes out positive one day.
  • However, you wanted to make sure that it holds, so you wait a few more weeks before officially breaking the news to him.
  • “Yoosung, do you think I look pregnant in this?”
  • “Of course not, MC, and even if you do get f—–can you repeat that?”
  • “I said, do I look pregnant in this?”
  • WHAT
  • You almost gave the poor boy a heart attack
  • Envelopes you in a tight embrace and bawls incessantly for a few minutes
  • Both of you waited so long for this, you couldn’t help but cry with him
  • See MC, I’m not a baby. I was able to make one with you

ZEN / Hyun Ryu

  • You weren’t really sure how to bring the subject up to him when you found out.
  • He was busy with his projects and you wanted to support him with all you had.
  • Will the baby get in the way?
  • You’ve been together for a while now, but you never talked about having kids.
  • The opportunity arrived when you were both lazily spending your day off cuddling on the couch one day
  • So you try for subtle and see where it takes you.
  • “Zen, can you read the thermometer for me? I’m feeling a little warm.”
  • “Of course, babe” 
  • Absently takes the “thermometer” from you.
  • It takes him a while to realize that he’s looking at a pregnancy test strip.
  • Is SPEECHLESS when it finally sinks in
  • “Z-zen? Are– are you alright?” you worriedly ask
  • He turns to you, eyes shining and hopeful, “Really?”
  • “Yes.”
  • Is so excited, he tackles you into a hug Zencontrolthebeast
  • Quickly backs away when he remembers your condition
  • “I’m sorry, MC, I’m just so happy!”
  • You chuckle as he moves close to your abdomen and whispers, “you’re going to be the most gorgeous potato baby ever, I’m sure of it. Daddy loves you, okay?”
  • His popularity just rose up to 1000% when he wore a “call me daddy” shirt to an interview 
  • As if it weren’t bad enough with his narcissism, will spam the chat room with monthly updates

Jaehee

  • You were both busy at the cafe so it took a while before you both decided that you were ready for kids
  • Was afraid that either one of you might lose the other if there were complications during or after childbirth
  • You finally convince her after attending numerous lectures on family planning and in-vitro fertilization
  • However, being a same sex couple, it was hard to find a willing and qualified sperm donor
  • Even Zen volunteered to donate his seed
  • But not in the fun way, no
  • You were considering the sperm bank, while Jaehee was considering adoption
  • You received a call from the facility one day, saying that one of your candidates’ sperm was healthy enough
  • So you both have your eggs harvested and fertilized in a lab
  • The procedures took time, but the waiting was longer.
  • You tried to surprise her one day by eating the test dessert with “special” spoons
  • You were discreetly watching her when she seemed like she was thinking during her fifth bite
  • Thought it was odd that the spoon had grooves on it.
  • Were spoons supposed to be like that?
  • So she takes it out of her mouth and examines it.
  • Engraved on the silverware were the words “we’re expecting”, with little feet decorating the end of the text
  • “How… how many?”
  • “Three”
  • The spoon falls out from her grasp and she covers her face, crying
  • But they were tears of joy
  • You go over and hug her, and you stay like that for a couple of minutes

Jumin

  • Came home to find you decorating the dinner table
  • ???? 
  • Was there a special occasion? Assistant Kang never mentioned anything
  • “Jumin, you’re right on time!” you approach him and welcome him home with a kiss
  • “Are we celebrating something?” he asks, confusion written all over his face
  • He’s probably thinking of ways to make it up to you in just in case
  • “Jumin, stop thinking, and just take a seat, okay?”
  • Noticed that the plating wasn’t as professional as the ones you regularly had
  • “The food presentation isn’t as extravagant as they should have been, I must contact the chef about this”
  • You stop him in time and explain that you insisted on personally preparing and cooking the food 
  • Apologizes to you, but then he notices that there’s no wine to go with the steak
  • “Oh, I left it chilling by the counter; I should go and get it.”
  • “No MC, stay there and I’ll get it,” he says, and makes his way to the kitchen
  • “While you’re at it dear, can you also check on the oven? I was baking earlier,” you call out to him
  • You wait expectantly as he moves around the kitchen
  • He comes out dazed, holding the wine with a special label that says “baby arriving on [due date], so drink for the two of us?” on one hand and a plated bun with a black and white photo on the other.
  • “Dear, what is the meaning of this?” he demands
  • “It’s what you think it is, love”
  • ……………
  • Couldn’t contain his joy at your admission, and pulls you in for a deep kiss
  • Vowed to be the best father to his children
  • Finds the best ob-gyne to take care of your needs 

707 / Saeyoung

  • Rushed you to the E.R. one day when you couldn’t stop retching.
  • He thought you were food poisoned
  • MC I told you to stop eating my chips when are you going to listen
  • But it turns out you were pregnant.
  • Can you imagine how excited this bean is
  • Reads books like “what to expect when you’re expecting”, and “Dude, you’re gonna be a dad!”
  • Oh, and did I mention that he had you attend a birthing class too?
  • Buys every imaginable baby item he finds
  • Saeyoung we aren’t putting up a store, stahp
  • Was sulking when you strongly refused to take him along for your ultrasound
  • Is confused when you hand him a box instead of an envelope when you return.
  • Opens it to find…peanuts?
  • Notices how all the peanut pods come in twos
  • Takes out all the peanuts from the box and finds an ultrasound photo at the bottom
  • His eyes bug out as he looks at it and reads the note
  • “TWINS???”
  • He couldn’t be even happier than he was at that moment.
  • His wish was finally coming true — he was going to have a family, and he sure as hell would do his damn best to make it a happy one.

Saeran

  • Freaked out when he found a small, plastic baby in his cake pop one day
  • “MC, are you trying to make me choke? Why is this on the cake?” he demands, storming into the room
  • Finds you in the middle of setting up a crib with Saeyoung
  • “What… what’s all this? MC? Saeyoung?” he says in a panicky voice
  • uh-oh
  • You decide to use caution, and approach him carefully.
  • “Saeran, I think it would be best if we talk first, okay? Would you like to take a seat?” you suggest in a calm, soothing voice
  • He takes a seat, but you and Saeyoung both notice how his breathing has started to become shallow and rapid, signalling the start of a panic attack
  • You both take a seat on either side of him
  • Saeyoung instructs his brother to take deep breaths while you hold onto one of his hands to show your support
  • “Saeran, breathe, okay? And hold for 1…2…3… yes, yes, you’re doing fine….”
  • Saeyoung leaves the two of you when Saeran had finally calmed down, letting you discuss it with his brother privately.
  • “Why…. why didn’t you just tell me?” he asks, his expression pained.
  • “I….I don’t think I’m ready for this, MC. I might be okay now, but what about tomorrow? Or the day after that? You know my childhood was one of the worst, right? And then there was my stay with Rika and Mint Eye… I need more time to think about this.”
  • Your heart breaks a little at his admission, and more so when he leaves the room, not wanting you to follow him.
  • You tell his brother about what happened, and he tries for optimistic and advises you to observe first, that maybe Saeran was still warming to the idea
  • However, he avoids you for the days that followed; the air around the two of you especially awkward when you’re in the same room
  • Finally fed up with seeing you both suffer, Saeyoung declares that he was going for a drive with Saeran, and yanks him forcefully to the garage
  • During their absence, you think about just giving up the baby if he were still against it after the talk with his brother even if you knew that it would hurt you the most
  • He returns alone after an hour, plopping beside you on the couch. “So… MC…” he starts
  • “Saeran, I think… maybe I’ll give up on the baby if you’re really uncomfortable with it,” you say in one breath, trying to keep the tears at bay
  • “What? MC, no, I….” he sees the tears finally flowing uncontrollably from your eyes, and he embraces you. 
  • “We’re keeping the baby, MC. I’m still not sure if I could be a good parent, but after my talk with hyung, I… “ he releases you and wipes a stray tear from your cheek. ”I decided to give it a try, if you’re willing to work together with me and my issues.” 

V / Jihyun

  • “MC, I don’t understand why we have to hire a photographer. I AM a photographer, you know”
  • You found out that you were pregnant for 12 weeks, and you wanted to catch his expression when you finally told him about it.
  • So you convinced him that you needed to hire a photographer for a special set of photos
  • He wasn’t new to these quirks of yours, you wanting to capture moments where you’re together, and him giving in even if he only wanted to take pictures of you.
  • He arranges for Rui, his friend, to do the photoset.
  • You insisted on making the other preparations, and you all drive to a spot with a nice lake view
  • You gave him an A3-sized white bristol board and a black marker
  • “Write something that you love about me, V. But just one. And you have to do it facing the other way, so I can write mine.”
  • “Just one? But MC….” he stops when you give him “the look” and accepts the materials without a word.
  • With Rui taking pictures of the whole affair, you write “You’re going to be a Dad!” in big, block letters.
  • You both turn at the count of three to show what each had written, 
  • V drops his card when he reads yours
  • His expression is a mix of surprise and joy, and… something else.
  • You immediately understand where his thoughts were going, and threw the card to approach him.
  • He wasn’t crying, but you run soothing circles around his back anyway.
  • “I’m sorry, MC, I just remembered…” he said brokenly, trying to rein in his feelings.
  • This causes him to sit down on the ground, the announcement and his thoughts suddenly weighing down on him.
  • You kneel in front of him and take his face in both of your hands. “I know, V. I can’t and won’t stop you from loving her, but remember that the baby and I will still love you no matter what happens.” 
  • He looks up at you, the pain and unshed tears showing in his eyes. 
  • “Thank you, MC” he says, and leans into your touch.
  • Needless to say, V kept that emotional photoset close to his heart.
  • *Heather Duke is holding a pregnancy test*
  • Heather McNamara: What's the prognosis, Fertile Myrtle? Plus or minus?
  • Heather Duke: Don't know, it's not seasoned yet. Oh, there it is. That little pink plus sign is unholy. *angrily shakes test*
  • Heather McNamara: That ain't no Etch-A-Sketch. This is one doodle that can't be undid, homeskillet.
How MM Characters React to Finding Out You're Pregnant

Jumin

  •  He already noticed slight changes to your mood and body before you did. 
  •  At first he thought it might be the flu, but that thought changes when you are too tired for your usual love fest in bed.
  • “I’m sorry, Jumin. I’m too tired tonight.”
  • Elizabeth 3rd also becomes extra clingy to you. 
  • Jumin makes you go to the doctor and they can’t find anything wrong. He insists to do further tests but you beg him not to.
  • “It’s probably stress, Jumin. I’ll be fine.”
  • Wrong answer. Jumin has cleared your schedule until he feels like you’re feeling better. 
  • A week later you realize your period hasn’t happened. 
  • Jumin knew this before you and scheduled another doctor’s appointment after asking Jaehee to research information on missed periods (poor Jaehee.)
  • He makes you go back to the doctor for blood work. Suddenly this all makes sense: The fatigue, your bras no longer fitting, and feeling sick. 
  •  The doctor walks in with the good news. “Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Han. You’re going to be parents.”
  • Jumin doesn’t say anything at first. His face loses color. The news is a surprise. 
  • “Sweetheart, are you okay?” You ask. You’ve never seen him this way before.
  • He nearly faints from processing all the emotions he is feeling on the way out of the doctor’s office.
  • Jaehee cancels all of Jumin’s meetings for the week citing “exhaustion” as the cause.  
  • Jumin holds you close to him later on that night, confessing he is both terrified and delighted at the news. He wonders if Elizabeth 3rd will feel jealous. omg really jumin. 
  • “I’m sure she’ll be happy too,” You whisper in his ear as you accidentally fall asleep on his chest. 
  • He admires the glow your face is beginning to show as you sleep peacefully. 

Zen

  • You’ve been much more emotional lately. 
  • Every time Zen had to leave on set you find yourself crying, but why?
  • You even beat yourself up about it. “Why am I acting so strange..?”
  • Zen invites you to come on set with him one day and you’re immediately say yes! 
  • You couldn’t help but keep refilling your plate with cakes from catering. Zen tries to crack a joke “You are what you eat, huh babe?” 
  • But it backfires.
  • It backfires BAD. 
  • You walk away sobbing. This is entirely out of character. 
  • “Wait! BABE! I’m so sorry!” He runs after you and pulls you in for a hug. 
  • You sob into his chest for a few minutes and then go silent.
  • He pushes you in front of him to see what’s wrong. “Babe…?” 
  • Your face turns white and you go limp in front of him. 
  • Zen FREAKS out and immediately yells for someone to help. 
  • He carries you himself to the ambulance and he demands you get rushed you to the hospital. 
  • The paparazzi outside of the set take photos of the incident. A video is uploaded to Youtube.
  • You regain consciousness when arriving to the hospital. “What’s…what’s going on?” 
  • Zen cries with joy seeing you’re awake and hugs you. “Shh. Just rest, my princess. We’ll find out. I love you.” 
  • He refuses to leave your side as the hospital runs a bunch of tests, but, you tell him he should get something to eat while they do an ultrasound. 
  • The doctor comes in a couple hours later and tells them it was a combination of exhaustion and dehydration.  “This is a common symptom in pregnancies. She’ll need to make sure she drinks more fluid and get rest.”
  • Wait. What? Both you and Zen look at the doctor with confusion.
  • The doctor informs the two of you that you’re already 13 weeks pregnant. He gives Zen a picture of the ultrasound showing a little baby bean! 
  • You start crying at news. It’s happy tears. Eventually Zen starts crying too. He’s just as happy. 

Yoosung

  • It’s not secret you and Yoosung wanted to have kids immediately.
  • You two tried every month for six months. 
  • You have a bulk stash of HCG strips in the bathroom, an ovulation 
    tracker on the your phone, and have read every article online on how to improve your chances at becoming pregnant.
  • Every month your period came, Yoosung started to doubt himself. 
  • “Is.. Is there something wrong with me?”
  • You’d hold him and reassure him. “Don’t say that. There’s nothing wrong with you! Sometimes it just takes time, I guess.” Deep inside, you wondered if there was actually something wrong with you instead.
  • After a year of trying, you both go to a fertility specialist to have tests done. 
  • The specialist tells the both of you there is a problem with your ovulation. They immediately start on you a treatment plan with fertility drugs. 
  • You act okay with the news, but in reality you are the opposite of okay. 
  • Yoosung finds you crying underneath the covers and panics. 
  • “Please don’t cry! It’s not your fault!”
  • Soon he’s crying too. 
  • By the third treatment cycle you start to notice changes in your body.
  • You start doubting your feelings. You try to remain calm. 
  • Every day you and Yoosung talk about all of your different things happening with your body.
  • When you take one of your test strips at home you notice a second faint line, causing your heart to skip a beat.
  • “Yoosung! LOOK!” 
  • Each test on each day has a darker, and darker second line. You two get hopeful. It’s been a hard two years, but it feels like you two are getting to the light at the end of the tunnel. 
  • You two are SO nervous at the fertility specialist. Yoosung can barely breathe.
  • The fertility specialist confirms what you two have been dreaming. You are pregnant!
  • Yoosung sobs tears of joy at the news.  You two are so happy to finally become parents. 
  • The fertility specialist interrupts the celebration with even more good news.
  • “There’s just one thing…”
  • He shows on the screen there are four baby beans. 
  • FOUR.

Saeyoung

  • Remember that one time he wanted to leave evidence he existed on you?
  • Well he wanted to do that again on your honeymoon. And then some. 
  • A couple months later you notice you are craving Honey Buddha Chips and Doctor Pepper more than normal.
  • At first Saeyoung thinks it’s really cute how much junk food you’re eating.
  • And then he realizes an entire giant box of Honey Buddha Chips are gone. 
  • He asks Saeran first if he knew what happened to them.
  • “Why would I eat all of your chips? I saw your wife with the box. Ask her.”
  • And then he wonders if maybe you’re emotionally eating.
  • What if she regrets our marriage? 
  • Later on in the day you visit Saeyoung in his computer room where he’s playing LOLOL. “Hey… Saeyoung.. we need to talk.”
  • Your voice makes him immediately spin around. He has tears in his eyes. “I.. I knew this day would come.” 
  • Your heart immediately sinks. “I’m.. I’m so sorry Saeyoung!”  You feel even more guilty at eating his precious Honey Buddha Chips as you add “I’ve been so hungry lately and they just taste so good. I’m so sorry for eating them I will never do it again!” 
  • Saeyoug looks at you confused. “Wait? You’re not leaving… me?”
  • “I WOULD NEVER LEAVE YOU.” omg you stupid idiot i love you. 
  • Suddenly you feel hot and sick. You run to the bathroom covering your mouth.
  • Saeyoung panics when he hears you vomit in the bathroom. It’s enough to get Saeran out of his room too. 
  • He’s never heard you this sick before and makes you go to bed. This goes on for a week. 
  • Soon he’s starting to search for answers online. He even goes to WebMD.
  • When you’re sleeping he calls Jaehee in a panic, worrying you might be dying and because you both are girls maybe she would know how women things work. 
  • Jaehee calmly explains to him that you’re not dead and dying. She suggests to him that you may be pregnant and should take a test. (I guarantee she facepalmed at the convo.)
  • A week later, you’re start having suspicions too. You look at the calendar and realize you haven’t had a period in two months.  “Could it be..?” 
  • You go to tell Saeyoung you think you’re pregnant and He confesses he already purchased a bunch of pregnant tests for you.
  • You think that’s the most romantic thing ever and hug him to pieces. 
  • He waits outside while you figure out how to use to use the test. How do girls pee on this thing omg. The test immediately comes back as positive. 
  • OH MY GOD SAEYOUNG WE’RE PREGNANT 
  • You rush out of the bathroom with the test in hand. You both are sobbing tears or joy together. 
  • You lean in to kiss him when you’re stomach starts to growl again. 
  • “Can.. Can I have more Honey Buddha Chips?” 
  • He’ll be glad to give you anything for you and the baby. 

kellbellsparkles  asked:

And I'm guessing Lance has the baby? ;u; papa/mama lance?

Back story time. Ha!

So in this AU, the gang are all back on Earth, living the domestic life the best they can.

Shiro and Allura are married. They have two kids, a son named Alfor and a daughter named Tia. Allura establishes and runs an alien embassy.

Shiro, Matt and Pidge work with the Garrison on alien technology.

Hunk decides to leave the space life behind and opens a Bistro. He falls in love with an OC I haven’t hashed out. Coran hangs out at the Bistro so much that Hunk hires him on as a barista. He bestows his wisdom on the patrons.

Coran lives with Matt and Pidge. Hunk and Lance refer to their place as the Ginger Hut.

Lance is an instructor at the Garrison.  

Keith floats around, doing odd jobs, sometimes working for Allura, sometimes with Shiro, and sometimes with the Garrison.

Lance and Keith get married not long after they return to Earth.

The Lions and the Castle of Lions are hidden near the Garrison. The gang hope their services will no longer be necessary and until their kids are teens, they aren’t.

One day, Hunk invites them all to the Bistro because he has some news. He and his wife are expecting. That night, Lance asks Keith his opinion on them starting a family. Keith is hesitant at first because he never really had a family and Lance convinces him that that is even more reason for them to.  

They consider fostering and adoption, but they have classified files, particularly Keith, on their records and the agency says they are not applicable.

So they look into surrogacy.

They ask Pidge first. For a variety of reasons, she doesn’t think she could do it. Allura offers. She loved being pregnant but two kids are enough and since Lance and Keith worked so hard saving the universe with her, the least she could do was carry a baby for them.

There is some discussion about who is going to father the baby. Lance thinks Keith should, since he hasn’t really known life with biological relatives. Keith thinks they should both put their boys in the petri dish and let them fight it out, but the fertility specialist tells them it is possible to make an egg out of stem cells and they could have a baby that was biologically both of theirs.

The doctor was going to take marrow from both of them to see who would make a better eggs, but Keith panics when he learns there are needles involved.

Lance is all, “What the heck, Keith. I have seen you charge aliens who could, and did sometimes, beat you to a bloody pulp and you are afraid of needles?”

But the thought of needles bring back flashbacks of Keith as a boy, and he remembers being kept in a lab and being held down and tested on because something wasn’t quite right about his blood.

These memories make Keith almost back out. Lance convinces him that they won’t let what happen to him, happen to their baby and he really wants a baby that is both of them now that he knows it is possible. He’ll make the eggs. Keith just got to do his business in a cup. No needles for Keith.

The fertility specialist successfully makes eggs out of Lance’s stem cells. Keith’s swimmers fertilize the eggs. Two are implanted in Allura. One sticks.

38 weeks later, Ally Katherine McClain-Kogane is born and their lives change forever.

splinteredstar  asked:

So. Mothman. Singulair entity? All male species? "Man" as a linguistic hold over and they actually don't have gender?

  • The “Man” in Mothman is a linguistic holdover because English is ridiculously gendered for no good reason.  
  • Mothmen are really Agender hermaphrodites (in the biological sense of possessing both ovaries and testes) but cannot self-fertilize.  
  • So when Mothpersons want to have kids, they typically pair-or-triple-up and lay a collective clutch of eggs in jelly in a seculded, damp nest.
  • over the next few months, the eggs engage in chemical warfare and the weaker ones are dissolved and cannibalized until there is just one to three eggs.
  • The Mothlets are then cared for by any and all parents (it’s not uncommon for non-breeding Mothmen to parent unattended offspring) for 2-3 years
  • by the time it reaches adolescene, the mothlet is typically LARGER than any of it’s parents, and a reddish-brown color instead of the usual dark gray.
  • the mothlet is then allowed out of the nest under close supervision to learn how to fly (the coloration is to other adults don’t get mad when it flies into the wrong nest), hunt, fill out job applications and other life skills.
  • at about 5-6 years, the mothlet changes to dark gray and there is a special religious ceremony welcoming it into society as an adult, not unlike a bat mitzvah.
  • Most Mothmen remain in isolated communities in far rural Appalachia, but the ones that settled west of the continental divide have had to learn how to cope with humans, due to greater population density.
  • Many end up taking night-shift jobs in cryptid-run businesses, or in the National Park Service, which is awash with cryptids.
  • A great number of fire-towers are ‘manned’ by Mothmen.  They’re great at staring at vast emptiness for long periods of time.
  • Mothmen usually only live to be about 30, much to everyone’s sadness.
  • Some cryptids have trouble with them, becuase they are entirely nonverbal and their body language doesn’t parse well to human-oriented brains, but some weres prefer them to normal humans. 
  • Mothmen CAN learn humanoid body language though, and give great hugs.  Just mind the feet.
  • Native American Lore suggests that Mothmen were on the continent prior to the arrival of humans, and they have no aptitude for magical practice, so it’s unclear how they came about.
  • Up close, they’re an interesting of moth, owl, bat and pterodactyl features.  The mouth is HUGE and toothy, though usually ‘hidden’ in thier ruff due to thier unusual head shape.
  • They appear to have strict and ritualized religious practices based on numerology, but it doesn’t match any other known numerological practice. Hell, their numbers don’t match any known one.
  • the LOVE bananas, despite apparently being obligate carnivores.
The White Princess: Margaret Beaufort [ENTJ]

OFFICIAL TYPING by Charity / the Mod

Extroverted Thinking (Te): Margaret has a tough-talking, no-nonsense approach, which exerts itself in excessive “control” over the enemies that threaten the throne; she wants to impose strict restrictions and rules on the king’s enemies, which means placing Elizabeth Woodville under house arrest, then instilling her in an abbey, away from her allies. She has  a directive style, and her son looks to her for council and diplomatic advice, when making decisions that impact the welfare of his reign and the stability of the kingdom. She is an effective decision maker, able to put her own feelings aside to establish alliances.

Introverted Intuition (Ni): She has a specific vision she has followed her entire life, first for placing her son upon the throne and then keeping him there. Margaret has razor-sharp insights into other people; she quickly sees who is with them and who isn’t, she correctly suspects Elizabeth’s motives are underhanded. Her forward thinking led her to eliminate the York boys in the Tower as a threat; when her secret almost comes to light, she acts in her son’s future interests, by preventing the truth from coming out. She urges Henry to focus on the future, in establishing a strong presence, in securing allies and alliances, in ensuring they will all be stable, for years to come.

Extroverted Sensing (Se): Her dominance manifests itself in a strong physical presence and her willingness to “get her hands dirty” when need be; Margaret wastes no time in inserting herself into the finer things the kingship has to offer (she takes the queen’s chambers, dresses to impress, and insists on being called “My Lady, The King’s Mother”). She smothers a man when he threatens to reveal a sordid truth; she is willing to take risks, in dealing with traitors, and notices subtle changes in her son and his wife’s behaviors.

Introverted Feeling (Fi): She cares very much about her son, and for Jasper, but does not articulate these feelings well; it manifests more often through her behavior. She can be ruthless against those she does not like, and tries to impose her values and beliefs on others, through Te-dominance. She is so disconnected with her own moral ethics, she commits murder to protect her son / the throne, then excuses it as being “God’s will.”

Note: As an enormous fan of the historical Margaret Beaufort, I cannot let this typing pass without comment. First, she is written not with an ACTUAL ENTJ mindset, but from what feels like an inferior Ti idea of what dominant Te looks like. In other words: a total lack of understanding about extroverted thinking, so she just comes across as “logical and MEAN!! with NO FEELINGS!” This totally wrong for a real life EXTJ.

The real Margaret Beaufort was bad-ass, in all the right ways. She was indeed an EXTJ, but she had a playful sense of humor; people enjoyed being around her. She knew how to organize the world but also laugh and have fun. She was logical, but loved her family. She was a humanitarian who had at least a dozen homeless people in her house at any one time; she would take them in off the street, rehabilitate them, educate them, and find them employment.

She established multiple universities / colleges, and priory schools in England, including one (the first of its kind?) that allowed poor children to receive an education, regardless of their sex (this was unheard of in the early 1500s; only very wealthy sons were educated). Her confessor, John Fisher (later martyred by her narcissistic grandson, Henry VIII) could not sing her praises enough at her eulogy; he called her a devout, reverent woman, capable of great kindness. England’s educational system would not be the same without her.

The real Margaret was a rape-survivor, married off at twelve years old; it was customary at this time to wait to “consummate” the marriage until the girl was older, but her husband ignored that unspoken law; the traumatic experience of birthing a child at 13 left her unable to bear further children, and nearly killed her and Henry VII. Her later behaviors (including her decision to take a vow of chastity inside her last marriage and her insistence her granddaughter and namesake, Margaret Tudor, not be sent to her husband James in Scotland before a certain age) suggest psychological trauma, but she never let it stop her from aiding her son to the throne, from imposing mass change upon the educational system, or from enforcing humanitarian policies.

This woman was a survivor.

Contrary to what this miniseries states, Margaret Beaufort did NOT murder the Princes in the Tower. She was NOT a religious “fanatical” psycho. She did NOT order Henry to rape Elizabeth of York to “test her fertility.” (Why???) She did NOT smother Jasper Tudor.

It annoys me that thanks to this book/television series, many people will loathe her fictional guts, and carry over that hatred onto one of the strongest feminists that ever lived.

I feel better now.

A Mother's Day for the Rest of Us

As I typed the title, I’m instantly reminded of the Seinfeld episode, and Frank Costanza’s holiday Festivus (a replacement for Christmas). He was annoyed by the commercialization of Christmas, so he observes his own celebration (minus the distracting tinsel). Anywho.

I can’t have kids. I found out when I was 32, when I was plunged unceremoniously into menopause (that journey deserves its own blog, tbh).

I’m one of millions of women who are infertile, so that doesn’t make me special. It doesn’t make me anything. I always wanted kids. I still do. I always thought I had time. I was wrong.

Mother’s Day rolls around every year, and I’m reminded every year by nearly every ad agency, Facebook frame, or well-meaning checker in your local big box store of my biological inadequacy. It does not bother me like it once did, although that gentle, sad trauma memory tugs a little harder in those moments… That memory of a 32 year old me sitting alone in a specialist’s office as he told me my eggs had died.

“They died.”

It’s such a finite phrase. So terminal. So indisputable. There is no “but” that can follow it. The period on that sentence rings in the deafening silence with an echo that follows for years after (I’ll let you know when I stop hearing it). My genetic material..my future children… Gone.

What has changed for me, though, is a an increased awareness of what Mother’s Day means or can mean to every woman. Like any holiday, it can be one of joy or pain or discomfort. We don’t all have good relationships with our mothers, or some of us have lost ours. If you love and have loved in a way that is pure and profound, be it experiencing the love of a child or an animal, then I hazard to say you have experienced a mother’s love. I believe I have. Natural selection may have taken away my ability to procreate, but I can most certainly reproduce love.

Somewhere today a woman is grieving a lost child. Somewhere a couple awaits news of a fertility test, or a mother is on bedrest from a high risk pregnancy, or a single mom is working a weekend job to support her children and she forgot it was even Mother’s Day. Somewhere some barren non-traditional mother pours her heart out into the far reaches of the Internet b/c she’s thinking of other people just like her.

If you read this and you know someone like that, tell them you hope they have the best day ever, and that you think they are amazing.

Rewriting the Past

Originally posted by glorious-soobooty

Pairing: ReaderxBaekhyun

Word count: 1.8k

Summary: Baekhyun was your first love when you were sixteen. It was passionate, hot, and messy. But all of that ended six years ago, after a four-year battle for your relationship. Now, you’re twenty-six years old and still reeling from the relationship when suddenly, Baekhyun shows up on your doorstep.


One | Two |


Another lonely night. You sighed to yourself as you grabbed a bottle of wine from the kitchen, flicked on the TV, and kicked off your boots.

Work had been especially exhausting today and you wanted to drown your sorrows in the bottle of cheap red wine – or well, you wanted to drown the fact that your boss made several attempts at you to the point where you were close to losing your job. He was a pig, and couldn’t keep his hands off your thighs, but you tried to keep your mouth shut because you needed to pay your mortgage. With the personality, you had developed in the years of working journalism, you wanted to tell him off. But you couldn’t.

It was only four pm, but you didn’t care as you uncorked the wine and drunk straight from the bottle. The wine tasted bad, but what tasted worse was the agonizing past six years of your life. More so, the drama you just dealt with.

Six months ago, you had a bad breakup. A man you were with for two years. A man that you thought you loved – although thinking back, you should have known better. You knew what love felt like because you had once had the most passionate and heart-stopping love when you were a teenager. This man didn’t make your heart stop and he didn’t make you feel passion. But you were with him and you were infatuated. So much where you had quickly gotten married a year in and tried to get pregnant. At the age of twenty-five, you thought it was about time to have children. You had a husband, a good job, and a supportive family – there was nothing stopping you.

Okay, well there was one thing. That love from six years ago? The love that lasted four long years from age sixteen to twenty? The love still haunted you. There were still some nights that you cried in private. Not that you told anyone. Not even your best friend, Jae.

Apparently, that wasn’t going to be the only thing stopping you. After six months of negative pregnancy tests, you went to the clinic and discovered you had endometriosis – and you may never have children. Your husband at the time was furious, so you were willing to undergo the fertility treatments which caused immense pain and made you weak. The next six months of negative pregnancy tests sent your husband out the door. Making you now, twenty-six and divorced.

Even though it hurt you at the time, you were now thankful for seeing your ex-husband’s true colors that made you glad that you never bore his children.

Jae begged you to get back into dating shortly after the divorce, but you couldn’t. You didn’t have the strength or the heart to go anything remotely close to your last two relationships. Instead, you stuck to the occasional one night stand that left you feeling dirty and self-hateful. It’s silly, but as a twenty-six-year-old woman, you often thought back to high school and how you wondered how differently things could have gone if you went back and changed fate.

The four years that made up the biggest roller coaster in your life. You could recount the events clearly. You had met the love of your life at sixteen years old, when you were dating one of his close friends. Somehow, the two of you managed to fall in love while you were dating his friend and things weren’t going well with his friend anyway. You two broke off mutually and quickly got with him. It was hot and heavy from there.

Everyone around you was worried by how fast you and he went, talking about marriage and loving each other so early in the relationship. Adults warned you, but you both only laughed thinking that nothing could tear you apart. You both lost your virginity to each other and suffered a few pregnancy scares early on. But it didn’t tear you apart.

Year two in your relationship brought a lot of fights. He got easily jealous and so did you. Leading to three breakups in that year. He was jealous of your relationship with his friends, especially the one you once dated and you were jealous of the girls that flocked around him and his crew.

After the last breakup that year, he promised to marry you and gave you the prettiest ring you had ever laid your eyes on. Shortly after, you had ended up pregnant. The fear in his eyes that day was one of your most vivid memories. You guys freaked out, thinking of ways to tell your family and promising to make things work. You were ready to tell your parents and get married, but you had a miscarriage at six weeks.

You went through a lot of emotional turmoil and it caused problems between you and him – again you guys broke up. He quickly started dating one of the girls who fawned over his crowd and so you went to one of the guys from his crowd as well. You both dated others to spite each other and it was some of your darkest days as you still went through the trauma from the miscarriage.

Rumors went around school, that he had started sleeping around and you learned it to be true. It crushed you but you didn’t dare sleep with anyone else, not even his friend. After six months of him sleeping around and you broke up with his friend, you both found your way back to each other. Hooking up on a drunken night and admitted you both still loved each other. Somehow you guys made it work, even though you fought a lot on your third year together.

The fourth year was quieter – at first, as you both tried figuring out how to spend your lives. You wanted to be a journalist and he wanted to be a musical artist. You tried to fit each other in your lives with difficulty. It worked for a while, as you both went down different paths at different schools. With your past, there was still insecurity with each other and since he had never given you your promise ring back, you questioned the love. You guys fought on it, until he left and he ended up getting drunk and cheating on you.

You cried until you passed out. You didn’t eat and you wouldn’t talk to anyone. For a week, you wallowed until you had bags under your eyes, your cheeks were sunken in, and you had a headache that wouldn’t quit. He showed up to the apartment that you stayed at with Jae and begged to speak to you, but Jae didn’t allow it at first. Not until you said you’d talk to him. He begged for forgiveness, apologizing with tears streaming down his cheeks. He told you how much he had loved you and how he would marry you right then and there to prove it. He clutched the promise ring and what seemed like another ring in his other hand.

‘Now you want to give me the promise ring? You waited till you fucked up before you gave it to me. Why? So, you could say that even though you cheated on me, it’s not like you promised me anything, right?’

You cried too hard to deal with him anymore and as he reached to grab your hand, Jae pushed him out of the way and slammed the door as you fell apart. And you stayed like that for a long time.

You pulled yourself back into reality, realizing you had downed the whole wine bottle while thinking back on old times. You could feel that your cheeks were wet with wasteful tears. You knew better. There was no point to waste tears on someone who didn’t truly love you. You shook your head. Besides, that was years ago. For all you knew, he was married with children. You shivered at the though. Closing your eyes.

Your phone buzzed in your back pocket and you reached to grab it, feeling a little tipsy as you accidentally dropped the wine bottle to the ground and getting a few drops on the carpet. You groaned and went to the kitchen to get a wet towel.

When you came back, you scrubbed the floor relentlessly, trying to get the dark red from your perfect white shag carpet. You groaned and scrubbed harder until it was a faint pink. Just as you got most of it out, your phone continued going off. You groaned and were going to get it but as you stood up, you bumped your head on the coffee table.

“Really? Just my f-fucking l-luck.” You rubbed your head as the door bell rung and you stumbled over to get it. You weren’t wasted, but the wine had you tipsy for sure. You sighed, wondering if Jae could work her motherly magic on the carpet and get the stain out. She had become so helpful and knowledgeable after having two kids with her husband.

The doorbell rung furiously and you yelled, “Alright, I’m fucking coming” angrily.

You opened the door without a second thought. “Y/N.” The voice said tenderly when you had fully opened it. The person was blurry until you focused on their eyes for a few moments.

“Baekhyun.” You whispered before your eyes widened and you slammed the door shut as fast as possible. You slumped to the ground. How did he find you? It had been six years and nothing from him. Why now? Why was your first love and your first heartbreak back?

You retrieved your phone from your pocket and scrolled through the messages that Jae had blown you up with.

-Hey! 5:10pm

-I don’t know how to say this 5:10pm

-Fuck 5:10pm

-Well, don’t open your front door 5:11pm

-Y/N! Why aren’t you reading these! I KNOW YOU’RE OFF WORK. 5:12pm

-Don’t open your door when the doorbell rings. 5:13pm

-Okay? 5:13pm

-Don’t do it! 5:13pm

-Y/N! 5:15pm

-ABORT DON’T OPEN THE DOOR 5:16pm

-It’s Baekhyun… I’m sorry. 5:20pm

-Sehun flapped his fucking lips and told. 5:20pm

-I swear I told him not to. 5:20pm

-Seriously! Answer my messages and don’t open the door. I’m sorry he knows where you live. We can move and change your name. I don’t like this neighborhood anyway. Ha. It’s shit. I won’t even bring Sehun since he was the one who decided to tell Baekhyun. 5:25pm

-He said that Baekhyun was all upset and shit and you know how Sehun is a softy. 5:26pm

-Wait why did I tell you that? 5:26pm

-Delete these messages. 5:26pm

-Except for the ones that say don’t open the door. Really don’t open the door. 5:27pm

-Ah, fuck. You’re not answering anyway. 5:30pm


—>two<—

masterlist

It’s been something like six months or a year since I really embraced the label “asexual” for myself, instead of thinking I had to say I was bi because I’d experienced attraction a handful of times in my life. And increasingly over the past few months I’ve noticed a knee-jerk negative reaction when I read “LGBT” as an umbrella acronym for queer. This morning, I think I finally figured out why.

LGBT erases large swathes of the Queer community, myself included.

When I was 8 years old, the other girls started talking about boys and wearing make up and I had *no fucking clue* what the big deal was, and went from having a large friend group to having no one in the space of a few months because I flat-out didn’t understand why those things mattered. That made me an outsider, and I was confused and heart broken but I’d always known I was different - I liked Star Trek, I liked books, I liked Monty Python - and I’d seen all the after school specials about what happens to dorky kids. It was only a matter of time before they realized I wasn’t like them. I accepted it, and found comfort in the few friends I had left.

(keep reading…)

Keep reading

A/N: hi! in lieu of a new chapter, which is on hold because of The Great 1DFF Drought, i give you this… possibly canon extra that hasn’t been edited and is a giant piece of fluff but writing it made me feel warm and fuzzy over two excruciatingly busy weeks. anyway.. enjoy! please send me your thoughts :)  

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The White Princess: Henry VII [ISTP]

OFFICIAL TYPING by Charity / the Mod

Introverted Thinking (Ti): Henry is detached and realistic in his approach to the throne; he tends to prioritize “rational” methods all else; he is not afraid to deal harshly with traitors, nor secure his throne through whatever means he deems necessary. His analytical nature makes it hard for others to read him, or understand his thought process; he prefers to think in secret, then act, instead of consult others on what steps to take. His rationality is not always practical, though (his need to “test Elizabeth’s fertility” is counter-productive to the legitimacy of their heirs).

Extroverted Sensing (Se): His focus is more on the present than its possibilities; Henry prefers to do things himself, to be involved in the action, and to confront problems head-on. He struggles in how to balance his natural aggressive tendencies with a desire to “control” his environment. Henry frequently takes new approaches to everything, with very little faith in outdated systems or traditional beliefs; his treatment of Elizabeth of York, his intense physical relationship with her (despite a lack of emotional connection), and his arrest of her mother show a tendency toward knee-jerk, based-in-the-moment reactions.

Introverted Intuition (Ni): He is afraid of what the future holds; Henry wants to protect it. He’s not nearly as capable of long-term thinking as his mother, and tends toward more negative, singular conclusions… that are sometimes off, and sometimes right on point. Henry speculates (correctly) that Elizabeth Woodville is scheming against him and Lizzie is going behind his back, but he assumes she is not on his side, even after she tells him several times that he has her support.

Extroverted Feeling (Fe): Oh, boy. Henry rails against Lizzie’s affair with her uncle, within several people’s hearing; he announces her premarital pregnancy with delight, when it should be a court secret; he blithely goes along with whatever his mother decides is the right thing to do, without any private moral conscience… and then, over time, shows his deep insecurities and need for external validation. He mourns that Lizzie can never love him, he shows and talks about his feelings toward her, her family, and their children. Henry can have an amiable, good natured, even charismatic side – and he can also deliberately set out to antagonize others and hurt their feelings (when Lizzie snarls at him over how “quick” he was in their first encounter, he counter-attacks with thoughts of her sister).

Note: Yup. Gotta say it. This Henry isn’t much like the real one, except both were known for their fear of betrayal; the real one had every reason to be suspicious and paranoid, given the amount of nobility that betrayed him over the years in an attempt to put a York back on the throne.

The REAL Henry VII was an ISTJ, a meticulous, intelligent, and logical man who would find the rationality behind this Henry’s decisions absolutely absurd from a Te standpoint; “testing” Lizzie’s fertility is unnecessary and dangerous – first, if he really does think she’s had a long-standing affair with her uncle, and has never had a child, she’s proven infertile; second, all he has to do is look at her mother’s enormous family, and the enormous families of her mother’s siblings to realize the odds are in her favor she’s going to have a ton of kids (Si + Te); third, any child conceived before marriage is illegitimate in the eyes of the Church of the period, and given his precarious hold on the throne, Henry needs all the religious support he can get. Thus, it’s unlikely the real Henry would have been dumb enough, from a religious and political perspective, to sleep with the future queen of England before the wedding, much less smear her name all over the court as “used goods.”

Extroverted Thinking… thinks about these things and in these terms. This isn’t the character’s fault; it’s the irrational writing’s fault. But still. UGH.

I will say this, to dissuade the Henry-haters from casting shade on the historical Henry: unlike this series depicts, Elizabeth of York and Henry appeared to have a healthy, stable, and loving relationship – and her death almost killed him from grief. It weakened him so much his ongoing battle with consumption nearly won. I don’t think the miniseries will repeat the book’s “he cheated on her “ subplot, but that’s not true either. Even if he didn’t love her (which I think he did) enough to stay faithful, SiTe would think: Gosh, I can’t risk having little bastards running around threatening my children’s line of succession now can I?

There’s plenty of reasons to “dislike” Henry VII, based in his miserly attitude late in life and his careless treatment of Katharine of Aragon; there’s no need to slap the slanderous and false accusation of “rapist” on top of him and make him a passive, childish mamma’s boy. Still, in comparison to what the series did to his mother, I guess he got off easy. :P

IronHawk (Part Ten)

Welcome back to the story!
This is where all the awful angst comes in and I’m just going to apologize in advance for the next several chapters. I’m sorry guys :( Tony has the worst coping skills in the world.

PLEASE reblog this fic for me! Show some love and get it out there so more people can read it!! I would SO appreciate it!

If you are new to our story, check out Chapters 1-9 HERE.

Thanks for reading :)
************************

Tony was… deliriously happy these days.
Was happy even a big enough word for how he felt? Was delirious even the right adjective?
He- brilliant super genius that he was- had no better words for this.
This bond.
These moments.

When Clint had reached out and took his hand as they bought groceries at the mom and pop store at the edge of the national forest.
When a little girl had asked her mommy if those two men were in love and Clint bent Tony backwards and kissed him without even hesitating.
At night, when Tony sat in front of the fire on the floor of the cabin, and glanced up to see his mate staring, chest heaving, wings trembling, eyes shading red as the Alpha took over and he moved forward to claim Tony again.
And again and again and again.

Their bonding heat had only lasted six or seven hours, but then Clint had spent an extra week showing Tony exactly how much he loved him. Not so much with words, no, because neither man was very good at that.

But with actions.

Feeding Tony in bites when they ate. Washing the omega every time they showered. Making Tony come again and again before Clint even thought about his own pleasure. Wrapping them in arms and wings and sleeping together until the sun rose again and they got to do it all over.

When they had returned to the tower, Tony had dragged Clint past everyone, ignoring all the hellos and well wishing, up to his suite to “properly christen the place” as a newly bonded couple and when they had come back down two hours later, the team had whooped and laughed and hugged, and exchanged money because they had been taking bets on how long the two would be upstairs.

And now, two weeks later, things were still wonderful.
Sure they were busy and spent more nights apart than together, but that was to be expected with Clint having his own missions outside of the Avengers, and Tony still having to run Stark Industries.
Clint sought him out every second when he was home, and they had tried and nearly succeeded to have sex everywhere in the common area, cleaning it frantically afterwards, laughing at how the team would react if they knew.

Tony was pretty sure the team knew.
But as long as the room smelled like bleach afterwards nobody said a thing.

Tony was… deliriously happy.

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anonymous asked:

would you mind doing one where josh and the reader are trying for a baby and eventually she gets pregnant, but then miscarries? also if you could make it super sad that'd be awesome because i am emo af. anyways have a wonderful day, friend.

JOSH DUN IMAGINE

It’s amazing how one small sign on a stick can make your entire heart break in two.  But sure enough, as the negative sign appears on the surface of the pregnancy test, you can’t help but let out a frustrated sob.  At one point, you find yourself gripping the plastic tightly in your fist before throwing it across the bathroom, it clatters against the wall before falling to the floor.  

You’d grown accustomed to negative pregnancy tests, it really shouldn’t be that catastrophic, but this time was different.  This time you broke.  

You and Josh had been trying so hard after all.  The prenatal vitamins, the fertility drugs, all for nothing.  You were empty.  Barren.  

Somewhere amidst your racing thoughts, Josh had heard your crying from the hall.  He knocks softly before entering, his eyes widen at the image of you curled up on the floor.  

“Baby-“ he whispers as he approaches you cautiously.  

You rest your elbow on your scrunched up knees and let your face fall to your hands.  You’re shaking your head, an indication that you couldn’t speak at the moment.  You couldn’t find the words to tell him.  Not again.  

But he sits on the floor behind you and all but drags your body so your back is against his chest.  His touch fills you with emotions and you cry harder.  Josh wraps his arms around you, winding around your body and holding you tightly.  Something tells you that he knows why you’re broken on the floor.  And it hurts.

“I want a baby,” you plead softly.  

“We’ll try again,” he whispers into your hair.  “It’s okay, we’ll try again.”

He’s the voice of reason.  The practical, yet optimistic mindset that you severely lack.  You want to protest, to argue and yell and fight him on it.  What was the point of trying again?  What was the point of trying at all?  But instead you nod.  You let your head fall back against his chest and you nod, squeezing your eyes shut and focusing on the warmth of his skin pressed against yours.  You held on, because what other choice did you have?  Baby or no baby, it was still you and Josh.  And it always would be.  

You spent the majority of the week sulking.  It was futile and you knew it, but you needed time to grieve.  You’d move on.  Just not yet.  

Josh gave you an appropriate amount of space.  He realized that you needed time to process.  He understood.  

It was Saturday morning when Josh comes barreling into the bedroom with a tray full of food.  You stir away and sit up in bed, wiping your sleepy eyes before taking it all in.  He’s balancing orange juice and pancakes with assorted fruits.  He’s staring down at the food with his tongue sticking out of his mouth, like he’s concentrating too hard to keep it on the tray.

“What is this?” you ask in disbelief.

“I made breakfast,” he says proudly, only stopping to look at you once the tray is sitting solidly on the bed.

“I can see that, but why?  What’s the occasion?”  You’re smiling widely gazing at the delicious meal he prepared for you.  

“Anything to show you how much I love you, and how much I care.”

Your smile gets marginally bigger and you look up at Josh fondly, your heart bursting with love and affection.  

“Are you gonna eat with me then?” you ask smugly, scooting your body up closer to the tray of food.  

Josh’s face breaks into a huge grin and he runs over to his side of the bed like a small child, climbing in and scooting up next to you.  

“Thank you for doing this,” you say once the tray is practically empty.  You and Josh always could put away some serious food.  

You close the short distance between the two of you and press your lips to his.  He tastes sweet, like maple syrup.  When you pull away, you’re surprised to see Josh’s smile fading.  

“What is it?”

“I just hate to see you hurting,” he says somberly, “I know you’re hurting.  I know you want a baby, and it kills me that I can’t give that to you.”

“Josh—“ you try to interject.

“No, just listen… It does, it kills me that I can’t give you want you want.  But I want you to know I love you.  With everything inside of me, I love you.  And if you want to try again, that’s okay.  But if you don’t, that’s fine too.  Either way, I’m always going to be here.”

You would have teared up.  In fact, you would have most certainly burst into tears if not for the fact that your stomach was all of a sudden extremely nauseous.  You flung yourself out of bed, barely cautious of the dishes at the end of the sheets and bolted towards the bathroom.  

You cringe as the contents of Josh’s delicious breakfast empty into the toilet.  Josh is right behind you, rubbing your back and holding your hair.  You try to wave him away, you don’t want him to see you like this.  

“Shh—“ Josh coos as you retch and heave into the bowl.  

When you’re finally done, you let yourself fall back against the tub and breathe for a moment.  

“Are you okay?” Josh is asking frantically.  He’s worried for you.

But you just breathe deeply before looking up to him, “You poisoned me,” you say laughing.

Josh looks relieved that you’re alright, but still concerned about your sweating forehead and sudden sickness.

You insist that it’s just a bug and refuse to let Josh fret over you.  Instead, you spend the rest of the day relaxing and watching movies.  

You throw up the next morning.  

And again the morning after that.  

You finally go into the doctors and you’re shaking the whole way there.

You don’t know what to expect, but you tell the doctor your symptoms.  He nods and draws blood before exiting and letting the lab examine the results.  

It feels like forever before he’s reentering the room, but when he does, he has a smug look on his face.  

“Well?” you urge.

“Congratulations,” the doctor says, folding his arms.  “You’re pregnant.”

You and Josh were on top of the world.  For the first time in so long, everything in your life felt good and you loved the little baby growing inside of you so much.  

After only two weeks of knowing, you and Josh start talking about names.  

“We don’t even know if it’s going to be a boy or girl,” you giggle as Josh starts rattling off baby names.  You were both laying on the floor of the living room, the blankets and pillows pulled down with you like some sort of fort.  

“We’ll prep for both then!” he says, leaning his head on your shoulder.

You squeeze your eyes shut, smiling so widely before nodding.  “Yeah, okay.  Let’s prep for both.”

Josh started coming home with baby stuff.  First it was clothes.  Unisex.  Then a crib.  Then some toys.  You pretended to be annoyed.  You’d roll your eyes and laugh at him for being so excited.  But inside, you were bursting with happiness.  As if you needed more evidence that Josh was going to be the best dad in the world.  

He started adding it to the room you’d dedicated to your future child.  The walls were painted a pleasant green color.  Josh set up the crib, arranged the stuffed animals in just the right way.  You even found him setting up a mobile above the baby’s crib one night before bed.  

He’s on a small step ladder.  You can see the skin of his hips and back as he reaches above his head.  You stand in the doorway and watch him maneuver the screw driver.  Once he’s finally content, he steps down.  You smile and walk up to him, wrapping your arms around his waist and hugging him from behind.

“Have I told you how much I love you today?” you ask into his t-shirt.

He rotates so that he’s facing you and bends down to plant a soft kiss on your lips.  “No, but my ears are open,” he says.

“I love you,” you say between pecks.  “More than anything.”

He smiles warmly back at you, “We’re gonna be a family,” he says, placing his hand on the base of your stomach.  You get butterflies, and you’re not sure if it’s from his touch or his words.  Either way, your heart feels like it might explode.  

When you wake up in the dead of the night, it’s no longer your heart that feels like it’s going to explode.  It’s your insides.  A sharp pain radiates throughout your body and you gasp harshly.  You sit up in bed, gripping at your baby bump and immediately, you know that something’s wrong.  

You stare into the darkness of your bedroom, pleading for this all to be in your head.  Everything was going to be fine.  You took some deep breathes and tried to push through the pain.  It almost felt like it was subsiding too until another wave hit.  You cry out and this time, you felt a rush of warmth between your legs.  

Josh stirs beside you and you grab onto him, whatever part you can reach.  

“Babe?” he says once he’s a little more cognizant of his surroundings.

“Josh—“ you plead, your voice breaking, “something’s wrong.”

Josh flings himself out of bed to turn the lamp on, but when he does, you wish he would just take it back.  The light illuminates a gorging spot of blood on the sheets, right between your legs.  

The sight of it makes your head go dizzy.  You blink hard, trying to regain focus, but the whole world seems to be closing in around you.  Josh is speaking, but his voice feels so distant.  

He’s running around the room frantically packing a hospital bag.  He wraps his coat around himself before tending to you on the bed.  You’re just starting at the pool of blood, fixated on it’s devilish color.

“Baby,” Josh says quietly, he’s trying to soothe you. “We’re gonna go to the hospital, it’s gonna be okay.”

You nod but still aren’t confident in your ability to lift yourself out of bed, so instead, Josh does it for you.  

He sits you on the edge of the bed where he helps you get out of your blood-stained pants.  

“Here,” he whispers, holding out a pair of his own baggy sweatpants for you to throw on.  

You take them and slide them on, wincing at the pain still radiating in your body.

“It hurts,” you whimper as Josh lifts you into his arms for the second time that night.

“I know baby,” he coos.  He carries you all the way out into the cool, brisk night, setting you down gently in the front seat of the car and speeding off towards the hospital.  The ride over is eerily quiet, because even though no one wants to say it, you both know what has happened.  

Sure enough, under the fluorescent lights of the hospital room you’re assigned to, the doctor is giving his most sincere apologizes after telling you that you have in fact, miscarried.

The word hits like a ton of bricks.  It physically hurts when he says it.  

But it’s nothing compared to the way Josh breaks when he hears it.  

You stare ahead, dressed in a hospital gown and sitting straight up in bed.  Josh all but collapses onto the bed, grabbing your hand and sobbing into the sheets.  

You continue to stare at the wall in front of you, but can’t help your face scrunching up in pain at the sound of his cries.  You hurt him.  Again.  

Josh squeezes your hand across the center console the entire ride home.  He’s here, physically grabbing onto you, but you feel so far away.  So distant from it all.  

You don’t even wait for him to help you out of the car once you’ve arrived home.  Instead, you gather up enough energy to just do it yourself.   You can’t bare to look at his sad gaze any longer.  

He’s right behind you though, catching up on the steps and planting his hand on the base of your back.  

“Easy,” he whispers, but you don’t respond.  You grip the railing and haul yourself into the house.  

“We can try again,” he says as Josh kneels beside you in bed later that night.  The covers are wrapped tightly around you.  You nod slightly, but it’s only to entertain Josh.  

Finally, he gets up and walks out of the room, and you’re left with nothing but your haunting thoughts.

When someone dies, people light candles and have memorial services.  There’s funerals and closure.  People hang pictures up on the wall or get a necklace with their initials on it.  But how do you mourn someone who was never actually born?  How do you process the death of someone you never actually knew, but loved so much?

You spend the day laying around the house.  You ignore phone calls and the news and the weather and even Josh.  You couldn’t look at him, not with the guilt you felt inside.  You spend the majority of the day staring at the empty wall, hating yourself and everything around you.  You hated your body and the stupid doctor who gave you the news, both good and bad.  You hated this house and the baby’s room down the hall.  You even hated Josh.  You wait for him to leave you, to admit he finally hated you.  You kept playing the scenario out in your head where he’d finally admit that you just weren’t the girl for him.  

The next day, Josh asked you if you wanted him to stay home from work.  You shook your head.

“Are you sure?” he asks.  “It’s just recording, we can reschedule.”

“No, I’m fine,” you assure him, the lie thick on your tongue.  

“Call me if you need anything,” he whispers, planting a soft kiss on your temple.  “I love you.”

You nod and give him a reassuring smile, it’s exhausting.  

JOSH’S POV

I shouldn’t have gone to work that day, that much was certain.  Y/N was all I could think about at the studio and all the recordings turned out to be shit because of it.  The thought of her sitting home by herself after the tragedy of yesterday was crippling.  

“You okay, man?” Tyler asks finally.  

“Yeah—“ I lie, “I’m fine.”

The last two days had been anything but fine.  But I wasn’t ready to talk about it yet.  

Just then, my phone starts ringing in my pocket and I jump at the sound.  I take it out, and see Y/N’s smiling face light up the screen.  My heart sinks and I slide to answer.

“Y/N?”

“Josh—“ she croaks.

“What’s wrong?”

I hear her fighting off the tears.  

“Is everything okay?” I ask.

“No— I need you… I need you to come home,” she gasps.  

“It’s okay,” I try to soothe her.  “Baby, it’s okay, I’m on my way.”

I stay on the phone with her until I’m in my car, speeding her way.  When I rush through the door, I call her name.  My heart pounds in my chest as I run upstairs.

She’s crouched on the bathroom floor, grabbing her stomach.  There’s a pool of blood beneath her.  

YOUR POV

Josh stands before you with pain plastered over his face.  You let out another cry as the pain radiating inside of you wouldn’t subside.

“It hurts,” you sob.

Josh rushes to your side, helping you stand up.  You didn’t even notice the blood until you glance down.  The sight of it just makes you panic even more.  You cry harder at the physical sight of your unborn baby.

Josh keeps his arm securely around you and helps you step out of your dirty clothes.  He’s going to run out of sweatpants at the rate that he lends them to you, but the baggy fit feels way more comfortable.  

“It hurts,” you repeat.  The pain in your abdomen is from the miscarriage.  You know this.  The doctor warned you of further pain.  

“I know baby,” he whispers.  You’re sitting on the edge of the bed and Josh is kneeling in front of you.  He cups the side of your face with his hand, gently wiping away some of the tears.

You’re right, the pain is bad.  But the tears welling up stem from a much deeper place than pain.  The tears come from guilt and the sorrow you feel.  The tears are you breaking in half.  

“I’m so sorry,” you manage to gasp out between sobs.

Josh tilts your chin up, forcing you to look at him.

“I’m sorry Josh—“

But Josh is shaking his head, arguing against you.

“I’m sorry I did this, I’m sorry I can’t give you a baby—“

“Y/N, stop, shh—“ he whispers, “Stop, I love you.  Baby, it’s not your fault.”

By now you’ve erupted into a pool of sobs and tears.  Josh sits up on the bed beside you, pulling you into his lap entirely.

“Stop, this isn’t your fault.”

He rocks with you back and forth like a small child.  

“I love you so much,” he whispers, “It’s not your fault. I love you.”

Josh rests his head on yours and speaks soothing words to you while you weep.  Soon, your sobs turn to whimpers and before you know it, Josh has you cradled on the bed, laying down.  You’re curled into his chest and he’s holding you tight.  

Suddenly, you realize you were wrong.  There was no distance between you and Josh.  He was right here.  You could hear his heartbeat.  And the world was unfair and cruel and unimaginably dark right now.  But laying here, with tears falling town your face and Josh’s arms wrapped around you, you knew you weren’t alone.  

You let your head fall back against Josh’s chest and you squeeze your eyes shut, focusing on the warmth of his skin pressed against yours.  You held on, because what other choice did you have?  Baby or no baby, it was still you and Josh.  And it always would be.  

anonymous asked:

Ever since I found out about paganism, especially Wicca, I've been fascinated so much, because I never understood how religion could be so important to people. While I do resonate with it a lot, there is this big recurring theme of it that always kind of bugs me a bit. Wicca is great because it's so supportive of different sexualities and generally embraces sexuality, unlike most other religions. But with the whole "sex is a gift from the gods" what about asexual people? I'd hate to be left out.

Keep in mind that I’m not Wiccan and I’m speaking purely as an outsider.

Like any other religious or spiritual group, you’re going to get individual people and private groups who are bigoted in some way.  People who are asexual are sometimes the recipients of that bigotry.  Wicca overall has very strong themes of fertility, which is often translated into sexuality of a specifically heteronormative nature.  However, this is not true of all Wiccan groups, and acceptance of non-heteronormative gender and sexual identities is increasing.  I often see Wiccan and neopagan conceptions of fertility being translated into non-sexual forms of creation: the fertile grounds of imagination, the growth of skill and prosperity, the weaving together of communities, etc.

People who are anywhere on the asexuality spectrum have as much right to be in pagan spaces as people who aren’t ace.  I would argue that if sex is a gift, so is consent; sex positivity isn’t about making everyone want to have sex but about respecting people’s choices on if, when, how, and with whom that sex is - or isn’t - performed.  If we’re made in the gods’ images, as some Wiccans and pagans claim, then that means all of us.

Here in San Francisco, California, CAYA ( the Come As You Are Coven) is an organization that actively works towards inclusivity, coming as it is out of the rich queer pagan communities of the Bay Area.  I think they offer online resources and possibly training in their own spiritual tradition, which, from what I can tell, is pretty heavily neopagan/Wiccan.  Lasara Firefox’s Jailbreaking the Goddess proposes an alternative feminine archetypal model to the Maiden/Mother/Crone, a fivefold one divorced from Western, heteronormative notions of gender and expectations of sexual fertility.  (I imagine you could develop a parallel model for a different gender pretty easily based on Lasara’s fivefold one, if you’re ace but not feminine).

It’s also possible that another form of paganism that puts less emphasis on fertility and sexuality may be more comfortable for you.  That simply takes exploration and testing the waters, and there’s no need to rush; the gods and spirits and their traditions will still be around in the future, too.

Since I’m neither Wiccan nor someone who works with archetypal forms of the divine, however, that’s about the extent of my knowledge.  Does anyone have anything else, especially if you’re an ace pagan or Wiccan?

- mountain hound

anonymous asked:

If Brindleface was a dilute tortie and we assumed Redtail was one of the very few fully fertile male torties, what would the kittens look like? How does a fertile male tortie's genes affect his children (would tortie x tortie be the only time two female molly kittens could be fully black or red?)

it depends on what color his testes are genetically, and that determines what color he can carry

dilute tortie x black tortie (black genetically) =

boys are red, cream, black or blue, and females can be black, blue, tortie or dilute tortie

dilute tortie x black tortie (red genetically) =

boys are red, cream, black or blue, and females can be red, cream, tortie or dilute tortie