show girl, show girl she’s idealism at it’s finest. the way she can tranquilize men is astounding, with fingernails as long as ivory talons. she’s a serpent with a sly red smile. show girl, show girl speak to her once and you’ll never die. we danced with weird men all through the night. she grabbed them by the wrist and threw them to the gods. show girl, show girl will you show me your ways?
I should have known not to get closer to you.
Your flame, though to her, very little, was a forest fire to me.
I should have known that I would get burnt.
But what do I do?
I ignore all logic and reasoning.
Why did I get attached so easily?
But oh why can’t I be yours?
All I wanted was to feel a little love from you but you don’t care.
And now you’re sleeping soundly, dreaming of her,
And I’m here feeling like my heart was just ripped out of my chest.
Cliché I know, but I finally understand why they say that.
There’s a hole where my heart used to be.
You took it without knowing.
You can keep it.
It beats for you anyway.
- Happy fucking birthday (May 6th)
When it’s 12 am midnight
My hands and head are restless to write
To cut open my mountains for what I might
Mined from my mind
Molten heart and ice
Freedom thought and vice
Not enough time
Not enough light
Choking on toxic gas I
Stumble back and fight
The earthquakes caused by my beating heart’s might
To stable my soul and keep it held tight
No rupture of earth in me this midnight
You are not your midnight thoughts. You are not the 12 am that feels like drowning as dark envelops the shades of your eyes. You are more than those times when you tried to battle with drowsiness because of the deadliest deadline the morning after. You are not the suicidal voice that whispers in your ears when the clock says it’s already 1 am. You are not regrets that knock when 2 am arrives and you feel like you missed and wasted so much of times. You are not depression that hits you as the wind blow colder in 3 am, when you think that the world is having fun while you are stuck in you damn lonely bed for two and have nothing but your body and pillows. You are not the dreams gone by when you realize that it’s already 4 am and that you are tired of being awake but still can’t close your eyes fearing of the nightmares of the dawn. You are not your tears when you can’t hold it in anymore when the time falls 5 am and the breeze reminds you of being alone, and your blanket is too huge for solo sleep, while the space on your bed longs for another body. You are not sadness that strikes at 6 am when you see the street lights through your window slowly turning off and joggers on the street start running. You are not the rush 7 am brings when you force to fix yourself to dwell with morning after the sleepless night with only coffee as your therapy.
stars follow you, my midnight misfortune. your irises are aflame & reflect an ocean of pinpricks. at the moonlit peak, where our bodies gasp iterations of prayers we once knew, you rainbow-drizzle my heart. and i know these things take time but time’s as elusive as your light and i’m burning my own bones to keep you, biding the roses into a bright we can reuse. yesterday i was a fever, today i thought i was a bruise. but you whispered a wound kindled into a wildfire, a kiss set to ache. tell me another name for love is a dystopia where the streets crawl and my lips chafe you, tell me how flesh eats at flesh and peels away fires, tell me how you are death by a thousand cuts. how you touched icarus and he fell. warn me off this drunken lullaby, this ghost-hearted intoxication.
Loving you is like
You’d think my tongue
And boil over
after touching the flame
that is yours,
But it’s the smoke
Of your promises
That choke me
As they hang
in the air
of your absence.