the natural contract


Selections from a 6-image series of illustrations done for Seattle’s Woodland Park Zoo exhibit signage, showing a male village weaver (Ploceus cucullatus) building a nest, and ending with the female weaver and her clutch of eggs. Graphite and digital, 2017. 

Solitude slides so quickly towards inventive delirium and error that the site of knowledge production is never a relation between an individual and his object, but rather one between a growing body of researchers checking on one another and a carved specialty defined and accepted by them.
—  Michel Serres

Okay but Neil with an Adidas endorsement deal and Andrew with a Nike endorsement deal. Only they keep getting in trouble with their sponsors because they constantly wear each other’s clothes. Which wouldn’t be a problem if they didn’t get photographed wearing the wrong brand more often than their actual contracted brand.

Adidas Rep: Mr. Josten can you tell me what’s wrong with this picture?

Neil: Well, the lighting is shit for starters. I thought paps cared more about their camera quality.

Adidas Rep: *deep heavy sigh* No, it’s this. *stabs finger at photo!Neil’s jacket* That’s a swoosh. That’s a Nike swoosh. From Nike. This is Adidas. You signed a contract to only wear and be seen wearing Adidas products. *points at picture again* That. Is. A. Swoosh.

Neil: I’ll remember that the next time I call the paparazzi to stalk my house and follow me to the convenience store at 3am.

Adidas Rep: *internal screaming and crying*


Nike Rep: Mr. Minyard I know we’ve discussed the nature of your contract before-

Andrew: We have.

Nike Rep: -so I know you’re aware that it’s against your contract to be photographed wearing competitor brands.

Andrew: *blinks*

Nike Rep: *awkward throat clearing* Well, that was a great chat. Please be mindful of your contract. *promptly leaves*

Low-formality conjugation (해체)

This is my last post in my conjugation series covering three of the most common forms you can expect to see, 하십시오체, 해요체, and now finally 해체, which is often referred to as 반말! There are other forms to be covered later, but if you at least know these three, you’ll be set for pretty much any social interaction in Korean. While the previous two posts were a bit heavy, this one will be a lot more short and sweet because… we more or less learned it all in the 해요체 post! 

Once more, I will leave irregular verbs out of this post for the sake of simplification (irregulars are for another post!).


해체 is a low-formality high-closeness conjugation that is used when you speak with close family members* and friends, and when you speak to people who are below you in the social hierarchy (below you in rank, age, etc.). In addition, this is used in more relaxed social settings, where you do not need to worry about strict decorum. As such, you run the risk of coming off rude if you use this with someone older than you, higher in rank than you, or someone that you are not very close with, like a stranger you’re meeting for the first time or a recent acquaintance. If you want to know a bit more about the workings of social formality and closeness in Korean conjugation, you can check out this post and skip down to the “Formality levels” section (and I highly recommend you do so, as it’s very important in Korean society and thus, in the Korean language!).

When using 해체, you can use the informal words for “I” and “you,” which are “나” and “너” respectively. However, one caveat to using “너” is that you should not use it toward someone who is older than you. In that case, you would refer to the person by their name or title.

*NOTE: Using 해체 with your siblings is very normal, and many people use it with their parents as well (though some do switch to speaking to their parents with 해요체 as they get older). There are also those that use 해체 with their grandparents, though this is fairly unusual.


The conjugation of 해체 is very similar to that of 해요체. In fact, you can often just remove the -요 from 해요체 to make 해체 sentences! There are a few exceptions to this, and a few special endings that you can use with 해체, and of course I’ll cover those a bit later in this post. Anyway, if you are not familiar with the formation of 해요체, please read that post first and then come back!

…okay, done reading up on 해요체? So, in the 해요체 post, we saw that regular conjugation involves adding -아요 to verb roots where the final vowel is 아 or 오 and -어요 to verb roots with a final vowel of anything that is not 아 or 오. Regular conjugation of 해체 is the same—just add -아 or -어 depending on the final vowel of the root:

먹다 - 다 -> 먹 + -어 = 먹어

  • 남친은 채소를 안 먹어. (My boyfriend doesn’t eat vegetables.)

좁다 - 다 -> 좁 + -아 = 좁아

  • 우리 집은 좀 좁아. (My house is a bit narrow. <–NOTE: Korean uses “우리” instead of  “나의[내]/저의[제]” to mean “my” when talking about things like family members, homes, schools, etc.)

Let’s check the little exceptions that we saw in the 해요체 post and see how they turn out in 해체 (hint: pretty much the same!).

First, if the verb root ends with either 아 or 어, you don’t double up and add -아 or -어. The vowels simply overlap.

가다 - 다 -> 가 + -아 =  (NOT 가아)

  • 난 학교에 . (I go/am going to school.)

서다 - 다 -> 서 + -어 =  (NOT 서어)

  • 거기 . (Stand there.)

하다 is a bit of a special case. We saw last time that in 해요체, it becomes “해요” instead of the expected “하요”. Again, we do the same thing but just leave off the -요.

심심해. (I’m bored.)

코끼리는 강해. (Elephants are strong.)

수미는 매일 수영해. (Sumi swims every day.)

되다 is also special. Going by the regular rule, it would be 되어. However, it is far more natural to contract it to 돼. Let’s check it out:

되다 - 다 -> 되 + -어 =

  • 난 좀 걱정이 돼. (I’m a little worried.)

And yet another special case, 이다. When following a noun that ends with a consonant, it will be -이야. When following a noun that ends with a vowel, it will just be -야.

가방이야. (It’s a bag.)

학교. (It’s a school.)

Other special cases occur with roots ending in the vowels 이, 우, and 오. In these cases, the final vowel merges with -어  (or -아  in the case of roots ending with 오) to make a compound vowel sound

시다 - 다 -> 시 + -어요 =

  • 맛이 너무 . (The taste is too sour.)

춤을 추다 - 다 = 춤을 추 + -어요 = 춤을

  • 미나 씨는 춤을 . (Mina dances/Mina is dancing.)

오다 - 다 -> 오 + -아요 =

  • 세빈 씨도 . (Sebin is coming too.)

NOTE: I mentioned in the 해요체 post that the honorific infix -(으)시- is an exception to the above rule. In 해요체, the 시 becomes “세” instead of the expected “셔.” However, in 해체—Yes, you can use honorifics with 해체/반말! Read more about its usage here!—the 시 does become “셔”!

좋아하다 - 다 -> 좋아하 + 시 + -어 = 좋아하

  • 우리 엄마는 꽃을 좋아하셔. (My mom likes flowers.)

앉다 - 다 -> 앉 + 시 + -어요 = 앉으셔

  • 할머니는 거기 앉으셔. (Grandma sits/is sitting there.)

Special endings

We’re done with the conjugation rules! However, there are a few special endings we can use with 해체 that we didn’t have with 해요체.

There are three common ones I want to introduce here, interrogative -니, imperative -아/어라, and propositive -자. Please NOTE that -아/어라 and -자 technically fall under 해라체, another kind of conjugation, but they are commonly used with 해체.

When you are asking a question to someone younger than you, you can end your sentences with “-니?” instead of the normal 해체 conjugations:

어디 가니? (Where are you going?)

케이크를 좋아하니? (Do you like cake?)

넌 학생이니? (Are you a student?)

You can form commands by adding -아/어라 to the root, keeping in mind the rules laid out previously. Don’t use this one toward someone older than you, even if you do speak in 해체/반말 together! You can just use plain 해체 for commands also, of course.

빨리 해라! (Do it quickly!)

가라! (Go!)


When you want to suggest something, you can add -자 directly to the root instead of the normal 해체 conjugation. It’s not necessary to use it—you can just stick with plain 해체— but the option is there:

같이 먹자! (Let’s eat together!)

공부하자. (Let’s study.)

책을 사자. (Let’s buy books.)

More examples

Let’s check out some more examples using a variety of sentences types.


  • Declarative: 오늘 우체국에 . (Today I am going to the post office.)
  • Interrogative: 어디 가/가니? (Where are you going?)
  • Imperative: 시장에 빨리 가/가라. (Go to the market quickly.)
  • Propositive: 학교에 같이 가자. (Let’s go to school together.)


  • Declarative: 난 채소를 많이 먹어. (I eat a lot of vegetables.)
  • Interrogative: 고기를 먹어/먹니? (Do you eat meat?)
  • Imperative: 이거 먹어/먹어라. (Eat this.)
  • Propositive: 이거 먹자. (Let’s eat this.)


  • Declarative: 그 남자는 축구를 . (That man plays soccer/is playing soccer.)
  • Interrogative: 민지 씨는 공부해/하니? (Is Minji studying?)
  • Imperative: 그만 해/해라! (Stop doing that!)
  • Propositive: 우리 게임을 하자! (Let’s play games!)


  • Declarative: 이 것을 만지면 안 . (It’s not okay if you touch this thing [More natural translation would be “Don’t touch this thing,” but in Korean, it’s a declarative sentence, not imperative].)
  • Interrogative: 시간이 ? (Do you have time?)
  • Imperative: 돼라, 제발! (Please work!)
  • Propositive: 우리 좋은 학생이 되자! (Let’s become good students!)

꿈을 꾸다

  • Declarative: 에린 씨는 매일 밤 꿈을 . (Erin dreams every night.)
  • Interrogative: 어떤 꿈을 꿔/꾸니? (What kinds of dreams do you have/dream?)
  • Imperative: 돼지 꿈을 꿔/꾸라! (Dream of pigs! [In Korean culture, a dream of pigs is said to indicate wealth.])
  • Propositive: 재미있는 꿈을 꾸자! (Let’s have fun dreams!)

With this, we’re done learning about the three conjugation types that you will most often use, 하십시오체, 해요체, and 해체! Make sure to practice a lot~

Happy studying~

anonymous asked:

I think the met as teens verse is my favorite thing you've written so far! (And I love all your stuff so that's saying something) can you maybe write how murderous mask would have gone down in that verse?

(You guys are lovely, you know that?)

What’s hilarious is that the first Murderous Mask prompt actually predates the Mag betrayal prompt. When I got that one, I just stared at it in puzzlement for a while– because if Juno’s on Brahma, then literally the entirety of Murderous Mask can’t actually happen– Cecil would be dead and the Mask would still be buried in the desert, and besides, there’s no way Peter would have failed to retrieve the Mask if Juno was there helping him out.

Then I got the request for Mag’s betrayal. And then I got some help from my friend Kya about how to make that all work without breaking character (fun fact: the version I sent you guys is the second one I wrote; the first one just didn’t feel right.) 

And just like that, the pieces are in the right position to make MM work again. Sometimes it just requires a little suffering along the way.

Like any of my episode-based fics, I’m gonna jump around to the scenes that are actually different. There’s no need to make you read through the entire episode. 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 (The Talk) | Part 4Part 5

Keep reading

Okay, so earlier this day I read the latest chapter and instead of having my questions answered it just raised up more questions????? I didn’t try theorizing because tbh that’s not a field that I’m good at but I just wanted to share the questions that haunt me and if someone has answers I would really appreciate that

First of, who tf is our!ciel now??? Honestly, I thought that this chapter might answer this question but then Yana decides to fuck us up???

So if that’s real!Ciel I feel very conflicted rn, because what about our!Ciel??? What does this make him?? And what made him look so physically pained? What is their story and what happened between them?

As I continued really I hoped my question would be answered but then this slide happened

What exactly did Sebastian do to the real!Ciel??? What exactly even pushed our!Ciel to order Sebastian into doing something to his twin brother? Did real!Ciel possibly have something to do with how our!Ciel was treated? But then again, they were only kids how would they have understood? Also, how did the real!Ciel survive Sebastian’s ‘whatever it was’ that he had done to him and what exactly did he do to him? Because damn does someone look angryyyyy and like is he also possibly contracted with a demon? Because seriously… How did he survive??? Unless Sebastian really tried hiding something from our!Ciel but that couldn’t be it because Sebastian also looks confused and a bit surprised during this chapter also it’s already been said that Sebastian can’t lie to our!Ciel so I really dunno man

Also the fact that Tanaka knew what had happened

this makes me wonder just how much Tanaka knows about the whole situation and if he knows about Sebastian’s real nature and our!Ciel’s contract?




I mean for him to think like that his family must’ve treated him in a certain way right? And why was he chosen to be the spare?

Our!Ciel obviously went through a lot that tbh at this point I just want to see him happy at least once even if that’s when Sebastian has to take his soul I’m just that desperate atm

6 Shifts In Consciousness We Are All Experiencing Right Now

Absolutely everything is a wave of energy and there are many new energies taking place on Earth. We’ve shifted consciousness, but we’re still using old reflections to create our reality. Abundance in all aspects of life is now much easier to achieve in the new vibration and a confidence in our abilities will soon magnify to great levels in the coming years. There will be some obstacles and challenges ahead, but know that the following shifts in our being are happening right now as all humans are born into spiritual wealth without practice.

Vibrating frequencies build a virtual construct that makes you think you are in a physical world, but you are not. You are living in a holographic universe which is an illusion – so well designed, that only the highest beings of light can see it for what it is. This is your destiny, but now you will continue to play this game called Earth at a level never played before. You are still playing with three dimensional rules in a fifth dimensional world, but you’re quickly learning how to make the transition by shifting energy.

Keep reading

coco-got-your-tongue  asked:

Hello, I didnt see anyone asking this but do you think RealCiel knows about Sebastian being a demon and his contract with OurCiel? I hope not :/. By the way, thank you for your hard work in the BB fandom, you are a beautiful person.

No problem and thanks!!

It’s really hard to tell at this point since we haven’t seen any interaction between real!Ciel and Sebastian yet, but logically speaking, there must be “someone” with supernatural power who revived him (it’s not like he came back to life by a miracle) and considering the message on the wall RC left in the town house in ch127 (”Who stole the candy from my tummy?”) it seems he *knows* that the ring was taken out from his stomach by our!Ciel and Sebastian, which means that “that person” who revived him probably told him about all the things that happened “while he was dead”.

So I personally think RC knows about Sebastian’s true nature and the contract, but I really don’t know what his reaction to Sebastian will be like, so I guess we’ll have to wait for the next chapter!! x(

anonymous asked:

Can't Karlie pay and end it? It's not like money is a problem for her, or taylor.

Depends on the details of the contract. Karlie might be able to buy her way out of the time frame early, but only if she has already fulfilled certain clauses. (Put in so many hours, provided so many pap shots, linked to her beard’s business an agreed-upon number of times etc.) As I’ve said before, Karlie put off those obligations for the bulk of the past year. If she’s coming to the natural end of the contract anyway, it might be cleaner to simply do the bare minimum and get out quietly. Her beard’s family have the President onside - I can understand her not wanting to provoke their wrath if it can be avoided. They’re nasty people and not afraid to get personal.

And there does seem to be some wriggle room on how the contract is enacted. Karlie is able to half-ass her end with lazy stunts like the melted nuclear pizza and the third wheeling woods trip with Penni. Even yesterday - yes, he attended the Met, but you wouldn’t have known it unless you were keeping a hawk eye on her sm posts. Karlie very conspicuously arrived without him, looking as BFK as ever, and all the official pap shots I’ve seen make it look like she attended solo. A snapchat story is easy to delete a day later, as the woods stunt showed. She’s keeping it all as temporary and low key as possible, and that does give me hope.

revolutionarygays  asked:

omg no it's ok haha!! also i have been trying for like days to respond to your post about valley girl vriska (because it's true and i love it AND) bc it's not the only type of american english she often speaks in -- vriska also uses some southern quips/turns of phrase as well that sort of (alongside what you pointed out) paint her speech as extremely informal and almost awkward/unintelligent-sounding. the way she speaks is REALLY hard to read into bc she has so many different weird things (1)

oh my god, thank you SO MUCH, having you drop meta in my inbox absolutely made my week, you have no idea. you put into words things that i sorta kinda had a feel for but didn’t know how to explain properly, and i agree so wholeheartedly that i have nothing to add except for a few examples to illustrate your point

this is from vriska’s first pesterlog with terezi:

my post about vriska having a californian accent was mostly for Jokes but it also briefly touched on what you pointed out, which is vriska’s use of casual accents/phrases in order to soften otherwise earnest and heartfelt expressions of introspection — because even here, where she’s upset (to the point of using extra 8′s) after trying to be friends with terezi again and being icily rebuffed, she doesn’t want to use the eloquent, complex language we know she’s capable of from her monologues because she thinks other people will see earnest introspection as weakness/admitting defeat.

and she has SUCH a hard time reading people. her dialogue in homestuck is fantastic because you really get a sense of her frantically searching for clues in other people’s words and desperately throwing out different “strategies” (sarcasm, angry swearing, condescending insults, cheerful camaraderie, etc.) in an attempt to gain some kind of positive reaction.

i mean, take a look at her first pesterlog with aradia:

like… oh my god. the whole conversation is so painfully awkward. vriska starts by saying, basically, “i’m gonna give you a gift! it’s gonna be great and we’ll be friends again and you’ll totally forget that time i murdered you!!!” and aradia is very obviously standoffish and brusque in response, but vriska just keeps going. vriska does eventually realize this strategy isn’t working, eventually, and she says, in the most horribly awkward way possible:

her attempt at self-deprecation fails spectacularly and makes her insecurities about her social skills very clear. she has absolutely no concept of how to interact with people, holy fucking shit.

another pathetically hilarious example:

and as you pointed out, her diction here is more significant in light of her well-read, eloquent statements in her monologues, like her “8Y 8EING ME” speech.

i think hussies’ writing skills definitely falter at some points in homestuck (his pacing is atrocious, for example), but i can barely bring myself to care because the way he writes the characters’ voices is fantastic. vriska alone has layers and layers of speech patterns that construct a really complex image of her inner thoughts and development, and there’s a similar depth to the voices of at least 15 other characters, probably more. (i’m thinking of the eight kids, the cherubs and most of the trolls, although i haven’t really analyzed their speech patterns much myself.)

on that note, terezi’s voice has a similar distinction between her casual snark and her EXTREMELY rare moments of sincerity and introspection. except instead, terezi is more precise and eloquent when fucking around:

she splits up contractions (”they will” not “they’ll”, “that is” not “that’s,”, “you are” not “you’re”) and uses clipped sentence structures that lend a crisp, distinctive precision to her dialogue.

contrast this with her heartwrenching monologue just before [S] Terezi: Remem8er:

here, her sentence structure is elongated and more natural, and she uses contractions freely. it makes her sound more sincere and the fact that she’s willing to open up like this to vriska specifically is… it makes me feel Strong Vrisrezi Emotions okay

anyways i fucking love your meta and i fucking love these characters


This natural look is SOOOOO sexy on him. Only Prince could take a simple, oversized sweater and turn it into a damn fashion statement. And that hair, the stubble…whew, don’t even get me started 😥😍

- May 16, 2000 in NYC
Prince held a press conference to announce that he officially changed his name from the Artist (TAFKAP), back to Prince

murder, she wrote starters #1

notes: feel free to change pronouns, etc. to make it fit if needed. this show aired from mid 80′s to the 90′s & is a whodunit show so this will contain references to murder, theft, affairs, & many similar topics.

  • ❛i didn’t steal it!
  • ❛[name]! [name], you in there?
  • ❛there’s something I want you to see.❜
  • ❛by recognizing what she had been, what how much she had meant to me, well, it was a way of keeping her alive in my heart.❜
  • ❛well, with, uh, your permission, i’d like to excuse myself.❜
  • ❛i killed him❜
  • ❛he could pick a fight over anything.❜
  • ❛all those years of taking his orders and sacrificing whatever kind of life she might have been able to make for herself.❜
  • ❛take a look, [name].❜
  • ❛wrong? my facts are never wrong. ❜
  • ❛well, tonight you are a professional nincompoop!
  • ❛[name], be quiet.❜
  • ❛and naturally we’re all very relieved that [name] has been cleared. ❜
  • ❛i just find it very hard to believe.❜
  • ❛i’m sure they were here last night.❜
  • ❛well, perhaps so, but humor me.❜
  • ❛that is very insulting.❜
  • ❛well, unlike my [family member], I haven’t got anything to hide.❜
  • ❛is that an invitation?
  • ❛i’m not particularly proud of what I had to do to earn that money, but I did it.❜
  • ❛don’t ever touch me like that again.❜
  • ❛you don’t seem exactly broken up over [name]’s death.❜
  • ❛if I love him, how can I justify spying on him?
  • ❛but I can live without you.❜
  • ❛just how intimate a wedding will this be?
  • ❛i got hung up at the office, and traffic’s brutal.❜
  • ❛i’m sorry honey, i can’t make it.❜
  • you’ve always read me like a book, haven’t you?
  • ❛you know how they say there’s nothing quite so romantic as san francisco after dark? i wouldn’t know.❜ 
  • ❛yesterday, i met him for breakfast, and he had these circles under his eyes, and he smelled like perfume.❜ 
  • ❛you made the deal for him.❜ 
  • ❛he just wants some freedom to explore a few more things.❜
  • ❛now I’m getting stubborn.❜ 
  • ❛[name], so delighted you could join us this evening.❜ 
  • ❛how could [name] afford to bring her to a place like this?❜ 
  • ❛i didn’t know you were here tonight.❜ 
  • ❛you’re really beautiful.❜ 
  • ❛[name], have you noticed there’s something a little strange about this place?❜ 
  • ❛you can take my purse, and you can search me.❜ 
  • ❛well, i mean, i walked past the open door, and i saw her him standing over [name] with the gun.❜ 
  • ❛i haven’t slept all night, and i’m tired.❜ 
  • ❛i, too, have been up all night, and i have got jet lag on top of it.❜ 
  • ❛he was dead when I walked in.❜ 
  • ❛well, I’d like to believe that.❜
  • ❛[name] would’ve understood that.❜
  • ❛look, i don’t know how to explain this, but i wanna be a performer, and i knew if i didn’t give it a shot, a real shot, that i’d be miserable and so would my [marriage/relationship].❜ 
  • ❛i was gonna quit before [name] got out here. ❜
  • ❛he wouldn’t let me quit. he knew i was broke, so he held back on my wages.❜
  • ❛we’ve only had one killer in our family and the redcoat shot first.❜
  • ❛uh, I’m still waiting for the results.❜
  • ❛now we’re getting somewhere.❜
  • ❛what is it about that woman that makes me nervous?
  • ❛naturally, all contracts will be honored. 
  • ❛let me worry about that.❜ 
  • that’s a shame about this whole thing.❜
  • ❛forgive me for interrupting you.❜
  • ❛always so organized.❜
  • ❛frankly, [name], i don’t know how I could ever run this club without you, but I’m gonna try.❜
  • ❛i really appreciate this now that I’m on a budget.❜
  • ❛i wouldn’t tell a soul.❜ 
  • ❛thanks for the lift.❜
  • ❛and don’t worry. i won’t say a word about what you’ve told me.❜
  • ❛oh, darling, don’t pout.❜
  • ❛i thought we should get our stories straight.❜ 
  • ❛i was about to ask you the same question.❜ 
  • ❛you don’t know how much better i feel now that we’ve talked.❜ 
  • ❛that means he didn’t fire the gun.❜ 
  • ❛i’m so happy to see that you’re satisfied.❜ 
  • ❛i mean, what the hell is going on here?❜ 
  • ❛what’s this lady trying to suggest?❜ 
  • ❛well, that’s my office persona.❜ 
  • ❛it was not an accident.❜ 
  • ❛do please accept my condolences.❜ 
  • ❛we were very close.❜ 
  • ❛oh, am I interrupting? ❜ 
  • ❛[name] take it easy.❜ 
  • ❛i think we oughta postpone the wedding.❜ 
  • ❛i thought marriage was supposed to be for better or worse. ❜ 
  • ❛darling, i just can’t ask you to tie yourself to me with all this hanging over my head.❜
  • ❛but you’re innocent!❜ 
  • ❛won’t that noise disturb you?
  • ❛right now, i could sleep through armageddon.❜ 
  • ❛we are going to get to the bottom of this.❜
  • ❛these are police photographs. where did you get them?❜ 
  • ❛i knew you were trouble as soon as i saw you.❜ 
  • ❛what was I gonna do? spend the rest of my life workin'in this rinky-dink club?❜ 
  • ❛i’m sorry about all the problems.❜
  • ❛i got big news for ya, baby.❜ 
  • ❛well, i don’t usually give advice, but in this case, i say go for it.❜

What does your poop say about your health?

I know, I know. Talking about one’s poop can be disgusting, awkward and embarrassing, but to understand your health, you have to examine every aspect of what is going on with your body. Your “elimination process” (pooping) is a window into your digestive health. And if your digestive health is good, there is a great chance your overall health is good as well.

Ancient physicians,from civilizations like Rome, would rely on physical and emotional symptoms to help them diagnose certain problems. One of their procedures was to look at the patient’s poop. Doctors would check the color, texture, smell, and look for undigested foods and other substances that would help them determine a diagnosis. Of course, times have changed and your doctor would clearly not want to get up close and personal with your poop (as I’m sure you don’t either). But since then, our 21st century diets and lifestyles have changed the most, and these factors play a role in how our digestion behaves. Stress, lack of movement, dehydration, high sugar/processed food consumption, and chemical toxins are making our poops more and more unpleasant to pass.

Pooping is not supposed to be a difficult. It is not supposed to stink up the restroom so bad that you spend needless time freshening up the place so your significant other doesn’t get knocked out from the smell. We have become used to such procedures that we tend to turn away from what our bodies are telling us. Your poop tells you if you’re eating enough fresh foods, drinking enough water, if your bowels are functioning normally, and if you’re carrying huge amounts of toxins.

The signs are there but because poop is such a taboo topic, we are happy to “turn the other cheek”(had to say it). There are different types of poop, and each one tells a story of what is happening on the inside of your digestive system. Try to find yours either on the list below or on the Bristol Stool Chart!

The Many Faces Of Poop:

1. The healthy poop- Well shaped, passes easily, light brown in color, smells natural (almost earthy), not foul,floats but doesn’t requires multiple flushes.

2. Undigested poop- This poop has food particles in it. This is not a normal situation and is a sign of a food intolerance or an inflammatory disorder of the digestive system.

3. Diarrhea poop- This is the bodies’ desperate attempt at detoxification. When toxins build inside the gut, the body will pull excess water from the body to flush out these undesirables. This can lead to extreme dehydration and eventually constipation.

4. Pellet poop- This poop looks like rabbit manure. This can indicate dehydration and will interfere with the natural wavelike muscle movement of the colon, leading to constipation.

5. Hard pass poop- This poop is large in diameter and can be hard to pass. Eating too much protein bars/shakes or processed/dehydrated foods can cause this.

6. Multiple flush poop- This poop takes multiple flushes to get rid of it. It sticks around. This poop is lighter in color because of the undigested fats in it. This poop can indicate a problem with your bile, which breaks down fats.

7. Da Bomb poop- This poop is like setting off a stink bomb in the bathroom. This one smells foul and is an indicator that the body is exposed to an overabdunace of processed foods ( Taco Bell =Taco Smell), toxins and/or medical drugs.

As you can see, there are many different types of poop and each has its own unique cause. I’m sure we all of have experienced each one to some degree. But it is very important to pay attention to what is in the bowl. By knowing what you are pooping out, you can help prevent or treat any health related issue that can go unchecked and lead to bigger issues down the road. There is one elimination problem that reigns number one over everything else, and it is highly relatable: constipation.


The average body takes between 18 and 72 hours to convert food into poop and pass it on out. When the time has been shortened the result is diarrhea because the body does not have enough time to absorb the water. When the time has been lengthened the result is constipation due to too much water being absorbed making the stool dry and hard. Based off the 18-72 hour timeline for elimination, most people are constipated. Pooping less than six times a week is a sign that you are constipated. Constipation can lead to hemorrhoids, impacted colon and body toxicity. Even though frequency is part of the diagnosis for constipation, we should also look at comfort- whether it is easy to pass or hard. Again, pooping should not be difficult! It should be as easy as urinating or passing gas.

Avoid Laxatives:

Laxatives do nothing to fix the digestive problem, but only mask them. When used for periods of weeks or months, your body can can grow depend on them. The overuse of laxatives can damage nerves, muscles, and tissues of the colon, which can decrease your colon’s ability to naturally contract (peristalsis), which can worsen constipation. It can take weeks to get your bowel contractions back. Laxatives should only be used as a last resort and should be used for a short period of time. Millions of dollars are spent each year on laxatives, that’s a lot of money spent just to poop!

There can be many causes to what you poop out. Here are some of the main culprits:

* Dehydration

* Diet

* Medications

* Hormonal imbalances

* Sleep patterns

* Illness

* Stress

* Lack of Exercise

So how do you fix all this stuff? Well, most poop problems can be fixed naturally while others might need greater attention. If you think your problems are the latter, please see your local gastroenterologist. But on the other hand, here are some tips to a better elimination process:

* Remove all sources of gluten from your diet (the most common sources are wheat, barley, rye, spelt and other grains). Gluten can make stool soft, almost like diarrhea.

* Eat a diet that includes rich in fresh, organic vegetables and fruits that provide good nutrients and fiber; most of your fiber should come from vegetables, not from grains. Fiber adds bulk to the stool and acts like glue to keep the stool in one piece.

* Avoid artificial sweeteners, excess sugar (especially fructose), chemical additives, MSG, excessive amounts of caffeine, and processed foods as they are all detrimental to your gastrointestinal (and immune) function.

* Boost your intestinal flora by adding naturally fermented foods into your diet, such as sauerkraut, pickles, and kefir (if you tolerate dairy); add a probiotic supplement if you suspect you’re not getting enough beneficial bacteria from your diet alone.

* Try increasing your fiber intake; good options include psyllium and freshly ground organic flax seed (shoot for 35 grams of fiber per day).

* Make sure you stay well hydrated with fresh, pure water.

* Get plenty of exercise daily. Exercise can help stimulate the bowels.

* Avoid pharmaceutical drugs, such as pain killers like codeine or hydrocodone which will slow your bowel function. Also, antidepressants and antibiotics can cause a variety of gastrointestinal disruptions.

* Address emotional challenges. This type of stress can interfere with bowel movements.

* Consider squatting instead of sitting to move your bowels. Squatting straightens your rectum, relaxes your puborectalis muscle, encourages the complete emptying of your bowel without straining, and has been scientifically shown to relieve constipation and hemorrhoids.

* Don’t hold it in! Holding it in leaves the toxic fecal matter sitting longer in your colon. If these toxins are there too long, they can be absorbed into the bloodstream. Gross! This will make you fatigued, moody and can compromise your immune system.

Sounds like a lot? It can be but your body is your best doctor. It tells you when things are not going well and what you poop out is just another sign. As gross as it is, we are all adults and need to address these matters to help prevent bigger health concerns down the road. Hope these tips help, good luck!

Note: the best stool on the Bristol Stool Chart should be the numbers 3,4 or 5.


Chek, Paul. “How to Eat, Breath and be Healthy.” 2004.

Mercola, Joseph, M.D. “What You See in the Toilet Can Give You Valuable Insights into Your Health.” 2013

Jensen, Bernard, M.D. “Jensen’s Guide To a Better Bowel Care."1999.

Defining the Relationship

Kinda sorta ish.

You have no idea how much I wanted to make this angsty. Instead, I made it nauseatingly fluffy. As one does.

Modern AU, developing E/R.

Emetophobia TW, though nothing contained herein is graphic by any means. 

“Go away,” Grantaire groaned, his voice echoing strangely, even through the heavy wood of both the bathroom door and the door to his apartment.

Enjolras sighed and rapped on the door again. “I’m not going to go away,” he called. “Not until I know that you’re alright.”

There was a long pause before Grantaire called weakly, “Enjolras?” Enjolras took that as a rhetorical question and patiently waited until Grantaire continued, “I figured it would be Bossuet who came after me. Or maybe Joly.”

“You’re kidding me, right?” Enjolras asked, amused. “When you pulled your Linda Blair in the Exorcist bit at the Musain, Joly naturally assumed that you’ve contracted Ebola, and Bossuet is trying to talk him out of contacting the CDC to get you quarantined.”

Keep reading

Consolidated answers from the contract person: 

The nature of entertainment contracts:

“Entertainment contracts are hard to explain to fans because there’s a lot in there that evolved over time and makes no real sense if you don’t have a LOT of context for how it got that way and how the power dynamics work. It’s very, very hard for fans to grasp that actors have very little [power] and don’t automatically make gobs and gobs of money because the things that make news are the exceptions where casts of huge hits banded together.”

Why would people in a pilot have different contracts:

“Negotiating pilot contracts is insane and often done during the whole going to network process where you’re standing around with the other finalist (or two) for the role while your agent and the network play chicken over if they’ll give you more or go with the other person with the same set of sides standing across the room. It’s nuts.  I can’t imagine any two of them in the [Once] cast having the same asking price as a starting point.  The only thing in pilot contracts that’s really standard is length [six years]. There are rare exceptions (Josh Charles, Viola Davis), but mostly a network won’t pick up a pilot unless all the regulars have whatever number of seasons they demand. Then it all changes depending on renegotiations - which basically everybody does unless they’re Clooney or have top dollar guarantees [an automatic raise to make more than anyone else in the cast if someone else gets a raise above what you are making]. It’s mind-numbingly stupid to not renegotiate otherwise because the pay increases start immediately and take you from pay off your debt to can afford a gated home and security system to deal with the stalkers.”

How do different actors have different starting points in a pilot contract:

“Every actor has an asking price their agent sets based on their current perceived level of demand and the gig in question. Hour drama pays more than half-hour comedy. Past experience and name recognition is worth more than being fresh off the bus. Series regular is more than a guest gig. This all adjusts roughly proportionately to the union contract minimums (scale) for those type roles. The asking rate varies wildly from actor to actor because they are not all created equal. You’re going to have to pay Tina Fey a lot more than Cecily Strong for the same role.

“Negotiations usually start with the actor’s asking rate.  Money, time, perks and anything else you can imagine get countered back and forth from there. Ginny has theme park tickets in her contract. It can actually get that weird. Every contract is different with few exceptions. Even three new brand people get different rates because the roles have different expectations in terms of work and promotion (lead, supporting, kid with hours limits, etc). Almost nobody on a series contract gets scale. That’s tacky and not done because a lot more is required of a series actor than a one off guest star in terms of promotional expectations and even brand new people have the image cost of becoming typecast as that character.  

“Everybody walked in the door to Once with different backgrounds and experiences. Every role had different levels of import and expectations assigned to it.  So they all had different asking prices/starting points in negotiations. They certainly didn’t wind up in the same contracts by the time they were signed for the pilot.  As time passed things got renegotiated, some of them cared more about theme park tickets than others, some wanted money, some wanted time to see their kids, one perhaps had top dollar and let others do the work.  So contracts naturally diverged further and further from there.”

Why do actors renegotiate early:

“Some of the reason actors renegotiate during season 2 these days is that very, very few shows go past season 6 anyway. You take the money now because 90% of the time it’s cancelled before it gets to the extra year and it’s basically a very favorable set of odds on free money. Back when contracts were shorter there was more reason to hold out if you were on a hit and getting movie offers. Now there’s no point. You’re stuck until the show ends or is losing buzz and petering out anyway. Take the money.”

Why do networks renegotiate with actors:

“The question I keep waiting for somebody to ask me is why networks still renegotiate these days when contracts are longer and it rarely winds up mattering. It’s basically a mix of wanting the cast to be able to afford to live like a tv star (not die from stalkers and show up well dressed to events), be happy show promoters, and that their nightmare scenario is needing to pick up a show in season 7 to plug a gaping schedule hole when the actors know they can hold you hostage for everything in the bank. Making everybody happy and giving them the bit more they need to live reasonably as a series tv star is well worth not being held hostage.  Besides, by that point they know they’re airing anything they order to reasonably predictable ratings that will make them money. It’s not like a new series that can totally tank and be an enormous loss. They can afford to share the spoils with the actors because they know there are spoils to be shared.  The economics of it actually do make sense. They don’t mind reasonable pay to actors on successful shows, but they can’t afford to pay that level on something where they may have to burn off 10 of the 13 episode order on Saturdays or streaming outlets to the sound of crickets.”

Would the crew/production people know anything about a contract negotiation?

“People around sets don’t necessarily know a damn thing about actor contracts. Most crew are hired weekly or daily.  Crew are in whole different situations [from actors]. The vast majority of them can walk any time they want.  The last place actors talk about their contracts is on set. It’s extremely tacky to talk about your pay rate/contract issues at work around other people who make far, far less when you’re fighting for top dollar, better billing, special perks or whatever.  It’s like millionaires discussing stock options with people living paycheck to paycheck.  It’s really not done beyond simple will/won’t be back once it’s decided.  Crew may literally know nothing until a public announcement or they get back to work in July.”

I’ve gotten to the point where I rarely even come here anymore because of the unnecessary hate from anti’s. And I’ve just got a few things to say:

You claim it’s okay for people to ship sebaciel if it’s a coping method for something in their past, but for everyone else, it’s sick.

Alright, I’ll bite. So someone suffered and now they view what you condemn as a pedophilic ship as a way to deal with the emotional distress of what occurred. Do you ever stop and consider that maybe not everyone who has dealt with that finds Sebaciel offensive and triggering? Because as a person who is best friends with two people who have suffered from childhood experiences— I can say that neither are offended by Sebaciel or /other people/ shipping it. Does that make it okay for me to ship, or do I have to join the “it’s for coping” club for you to not say I need to go to hell?

Furthermore, if you have such a big problem with Sebaciel, do not watch Black Butler or read Kuroshitsuji. Yana Toboso highlights extremely sexual situations with Ciel, case in point being the corset scene, the scenes with the Viscount, the asthma scene, the scene with Sieglinde Sullivan where she is LITERALLY trying to have a threesome with Ciel and Sebastian and she’s only 12 years old— if you say we are ruining Black Butler by supporting a shipment between Sebastian and the young master, then you should reconsider the anime/manga you’re enjoying. Because just you buying merchandise or being in the fandom indirectly supports childhood sexuality. Your money and your time goes to someone who draws sexual situations involving children. And you cannot argue your way out of that, no matter how good the plot is.

I’d also like to point out that this occurs in Victorian England. Within a matter of just a few years, Ciel would be of age to wed Elizabeth Midford and conceive an heir. It occurred even earlier for some families who were desperate need of continuing their lineage, as Ciel Phantomhive is. So the whole “he’s too young” thing does not work out. In today’s society, yes, you would be correct. Children do not mature as quickly as they did then because we live longer and protect childhood due to that. But in Victorian England, Ciel was well on his way to adulthood. People typically call him child in the show to insult his height, as we’ve seen. Due to the era, this ship isn’t exactly pedophilia.

Also, it’s not rape. It’s just… Stop. Please stop. Sebastian, by nature and contract, cannot rape Ciel even if he wanted to. He’s bound to never betray his young master, he’s chained down by every order, so if Ciel ever felt uncomfortable, he could immediately tell Sebastian to stop everything he is doing and leave. Ciel holds total control over his own body, what belongs to Sebastian is his soul. Calling that form of relationship rape, imo, is kind of rude to people who have suffered from that and had no control over the situation at all.

Also, telling us that if we ship Sebaciel, we support pedophilia is non sequitur. Sure, it sounds good, but it doesn’t follow. Because by the same token, if you like Ciel Phantomhive’s character, you support the murder of children (Book of Circus); if you like Sebastian Michaelis’s character, then you support the murder of children (Book of Circus) and murder in general (Book of Murders), if you like Viscount Druitt’s character because of his quirkiness, then you support human trafficking and pedophilia (First season, many seasons after); if you like Joker’s character, then you supported child kidnapping, torture, and murder (Book of Circus); if you like Grell, you support the murder of prostitutes and murder in general (have your pick of like any episode or chapter, please). So go on. Do you? Do you support murdering people? Seems like it.

But there you have it. There’s not much I can say on this except that some of you need to grow up. You’re not going to eradicate the shipment. You’re not doing anything but being rude and cyber bullying people. And that /is/ something you should be ashamed of.