Don’t Let Me Go(requested by anon)
Kai Parker x Reader
word count : 4 856
warning : angst
summary : Kai and Reader break up and Reader tried to go on with her life even tho she is hurting. Months later she goes out on a date with someone who she thinks is the ideal guy , but things do not work out quite as she had hoped …
*gif by lightwoodxalec
Y/N ran upstairs to their bedroom hearing Kai’s angry footsteps following her.
“What are you doing?” Kai asked , grabbing her wrists forcing her to look at him.
They had had their worst fight yet. At first everything got started because Kai was jealous of a random guy at the bar who had had the nerve to talk to Y/N and now somehow the fight had turned into how she wants him to be something he is not. It was completely ridiculous because that was not the case. Ever since Kai turned into a vampire all his emotions were heightened and he was on edge constantly. It wasn’t just this time … whenever someone looked at her in a way Kai didn’t like , things got ugly. He had broken a guy’s nose , nearly broken another’s jaw…
“I am moving out. What do you think I’m doing?” she yelled , pulling away from him. “You said you don’t want me here , remember ?”
Y/N tossed a few pairs of jeans and a couple of shirts in her bag not even bothering to fold them , looking around the room picking up a pair of high heels from under the bed , going back into the walk in closet taking out the last of her clothes.
Kai rested against the wall , watching her throw things in her bag. He didn’t want her to leave , he loved her and regretted the fight already. When they had first started dating she had promised him that she will love him forever , that he will never be alone again… Now she was packing… and his pride was standing in the way of him admitting his mistake.
“Fine , leave. What do I care… ” he said. “You probably have been waiting for me to screw up , haven’t you , so you can leave me ? What a fool I’ve been to care and love you and to think that you cared and loved me too. You are just like everyone else. All you see when you look at me is a murderous sociopath who killed his own family , maimed your friends and put your best friend into a sleeping curse ! I can’t believe I waisted a second being in love with you !”
Y/N stared at him , her heart breaking to pieces at his words. She couldn’t believe what he was saying , it was as if he was a completely different person… There was no trace of the Kai she had fallen in love with. They had been so in sync ever since they had met , and now …
“It goes both ways.” she said angrily , closing the zipper on her bag , taking it in her hand heading for the bedroom door. She walked past him , stopping a step behind him , fighting back the tears. The last thing she wanted to do was leave , she loved him and cared about him more than she could ever put into words… but it was starting to get clear to her their relationship was doomed. “I don’t ever want to see or hear from you again. ” she said going through the door , running down the stairs and out the door slamming it with a loud bang.
Y/N walked to her car blinking back tears , tossed her bag in the back seat and got in. She wanted to leave as soon as possible before the tears started , but it was too late … she broke into sobs , tears streaming down her face , her hands balled into fists hitting the steering wheel.
It was as if her entire world had come crashing down , the pain in her chest growing with every passing second remembering Kai’s face , his last words to her echoing in her mind breaking her heart all over again until there was nothing left.
Y/N woke up suddenly , shooting up straight in her bed , sweat covering her forehead and tears streaming down her face. It had been the 3rd time the past few days she had had that dream …the moment she and Kai broke up. Whatever people said about pain getting easier with time , it was a lie. She had tried for months to move on and was still trying , but it was harder than ever. Back when they had been together she hadn’t realised how many things actually remind her of him … until their relationship had ended. All the little things - someone would walk by wearing the same cologne as him or would order the same drink as him. Literally everything reminded her of Kai…
She wiped the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand , her gaze falling on a shadow in the hallway. There was someone inside the house , she got up fast trying to catch whoever it was but the person was long gone by the time she got up.
“Great. Now I am hallucinating.” she muttered , walking downstairs to the kitchen for a glass of water. Y/N looked around trying to figure out if someone had actually been inside the house or not , but everything was just as she had left it before going to bed. In the end she didn’t want to go back upstairs and just crashed on the couch for the rest of the night.
Kai couldn’t stay away from Y/N , no matter how much he tried. He still loved her… and knew he’d never stop loving her. The only thing that kept him semi sane was that he got to see her … He’d sneak into her house at night , watch her sleep. Sometimes he’d take a peek into her head to see what she was dreaming about. Usually it was school stuff , but that night when he had peeked into her subconscience it had broken his heart all over again. Tears were streaming down her face and he gently wiped a few of them away. Y/N was dreaming about their break up ,tossing and turning in her sleep. He wanted to wake her up , wrap his arms around her and comfort her like he’d usually do when she had bad dreams … but it wasn’t possible. She started to wake up and he ran out of the house before she had had the chance to see him and kick him out. What he had seen and felt while peeking inside her dream that night had brought back the memory of that night for him too…
It took him less than an hour to realise what a huge mistake he had made letting her leave. He used his vampire hearing , listening to her sobs in her car , wishing things hadn’t gone the way they had. Y/N had said she didn’t want anything to do with him … and it had all been his fault.
“AARHHHH .!!!!” he screamed , grabbing the lamp from the night stand tossing it across the room at the wall smashing it to bits, turning around and picking up the next thing he could find which turned out to be a picture of them together. Kai looked at it for a few moments , touching her face on the photo.
“I’m so sorry…” he whispered , crumbling on the ground still holding the picture in his hand as tears started streaming down his cheeks. He wiped them away as quickly as they were falling , giving up a few minutes later. Kai hated the tears , they always made him feel like some sort of an alien creature. He had felt pain before , but none of it compared to what he felt in that moment when she had left their home , slamming the door shut behind her - like the air was being pulled out of his lungs , his heart being torn away from his chest.
* * *
The next day Y/N woke up from her phone ringing - ZACK said the called ID. She couldn’t help but smile for a moment. Zack was a british guy she had met a few weeks ago at Whitmore. He was sweet , kind and as far as she gotten to know him , he was absolutely perfect. When she was with him the pain vanished for a few hours and she had started liking him so when he had asked her out on a date a week ago she had said yes. Zack had taken her out for a dinner and a movie and tonight was their second date.
“Hey.” she picked up the phone. “What’s up ?”
“Morning gorgeous.” he said in his perfect accent. “Just checking in to see if we are still on for tonight ? I can’t wait to see you.”
Y/N giggled. “Yes , we are and … I can’t wait to see you too.” she said smiling. “What do you have planned ?”
“It’s a surprise.” Zack said , Y/N heard voices around Zack calling for him. He was at work. “Hey , I gotta go love .. see you tonight.”
Y/N hang up the phone starring at her screen saver for a moment - a picture of her and Zack making funny faces behind the teacher’s back.
Maybe this is it. she thought. My chance to be happy again…
She walked upstairs , opening her closet looking for the perfect outfit for the evening , rummaging through her dresses pulling one after another.
“And as usual .. I have nothing to wear.” she laughed nervously after trying a few outfits. Somehow none of them seemed to work to her liking. Y/N sighed and walked back to the closet , looking through her things and that’s when she saw it…. one of Kai’s t-shirts. She froze on the spot , unsure what to do at first.
When they had broken up , she had packed all Kai’s things in a box and left them in his house along with the key to their house … his house. Somehow his shirt had stayed in her closet this whole time. Carefully she picked it up , holding it in her hands as if it’s the biggest treasure , a small smile spread across her face. Y/N brought it up to her face , feeling the soft material and taking in the scent.
It still smells like him. she thought.
She sat on the bed , holding Kai’s shirt close to her chest , closing her eyes.
Y/N remembered when he had left it here … it was one of the first times he had stayed the night. In the morning she hadn’t been able to find where her clothes had fallen the night before , she hadn’t even been sure they were still in one piece …and then her gaze had stopped on his shirt , she had put it on walking downstairs where Kai had already started making breakfast. He always made breakfast. Y/N remembered clearly the look on his face when he saw her in his shirt , how he had pulled her close softly whispering in her ear how sexy she looked in it before leaning in to kiss her and tossing her over his shoulders…
A few tears rolled down her cheeks at the memory. She wiped them away quickly , holding onto the shirt tighly as if it might disappear. They had been so happy together , every moment felt like magic. How did it all fall apart in the end?
Y/N took off the dress she had been wearing tossing it onto the floor and put on Kai’s shirt , looking at her reflection in the mirror , wrapping her hands around her drowning in the memory of that day. Whatever happened in the future , whoever she got to spend her life with … she knew one thing for sure - she’ll never stop loving him.
“I miss you …” she whispered.
The first few weeks after the break up Y/N spent mostly crying. There was no way to stop the pain or the tears. She went to sleep at night haunted by nightmares reliving their breakup, except when she woke up in the morning the nightmares never ended. Each day was worse than the previous. Her life had turned into an endless ocean of pain and she was drowning in it. She didn’t want to eat , to sleep or to go on in general.. Life without Kai didn’t exist for her.
A few times she had found herself wandering the streets in the middle of the night , her heart pulling her towards Kai until she ended up in front of his house. She’d get there around 3-4am , sit on the porch for a while glancing at the windows which were always dark , as if no one was inside. For all she knew Kai had left town and gone back to Portland and it was breaking her on the inside knowing she had lost him. One time she fell asleep on the porch and woken up back in her house unsure how she had gotten there.
About a month and a half later after the break up, Y/N decided it is time she pulled herself together and start moving on.. so she went out with her friends , ending up making out with some guy who had been an absolute stranger to her. Instead of moving on , she felt worse than before … like she had cheated on Kai , which was ridiculous considering they had broken up.
Later on her friends had set her up on a date with one of Tyler’s old high school friends from the football team who had rolled back into town. Things had been going well up until the point Kai had walked into the Grill. It had been the first time she had seen him since their break up and he looked wrecked. Kai looked paler than usual with dark spots under his eyes , his hair was messy , his shirt untucked and he even had grown some facial hair. The moment his eyes had fallen on Y/N and her date he visibly crumbled on the inside. He sat at the far end of the Grill not looking at them , Y/N glancing a few times in his direction trying to catch his eye … All her feelings had come rushing back and her only wish was to run into his arms. She hadn’t even realised her date had been talking for a few minutes but she hadn’t heard a word , all her thoughts consumed by Kai.
“Hey , are you OK?” the guy said , reaching across the table to touch her hand.
“Yeah … yeah , I’m … I’ll be right back.” she said getting up , heading towards the restrooms. Y/N looked at her reflection in the mirror , the hole in her chest opening again causing her pain so strong she nearly fell on the ground. It took her more than 10 minutes to recover enough to walk back outside only to find her date gone. She looked around for a few moments , searching for him but there was no trace of him so she grabbed her bag and jacket , heading outside and that’s when she heard the screams. Y/N ran to the small alley behind the Grill , finding Kai punching and kicking the guy she had been on a date with , before pulling him up and feeding on him until the guy stopped fighting. Kai turned towards her , his eyes filled with anger and pain , before disappearing.
Y/N had no idea how much time had passed until the doorbell returned her back to reality. She pulled over her head Kai’s shirt and quickly got dressed in her PJ’s , carefully tucking in under her pillow before rushing downstairs to open the door.
“Zack ! Hi ! W-what are you doing here ?” she asked surprised , noticing the flowers in his hand. “Oh God … ” she muttered.
Zack laughed nervously. “You are not ready yet ? I can go wait in the car if you need some extra time…” he said looking at her wearing her PJ’s , licking his lower lip.
Y/N smiled awkwardly. Somehow she had completely forgotten about Zack’s existance , not to mention their date.
“Yeah sorry. Um … something came up. Come on in , you can wait inside…” she said , as Zack gave her the flowers. “Thank you , those are beautiful.”
“Not as beautiful as you.” he said leaning in to kiss her , wrapping his hands around her waist and pulling her close. Suddenly his kiss felt wrong to her , his lips on hers felt wrong. Y/N pulled away giving him a small smile.
“I better find them a vase.” she said tiptoeing into the kitchen , Zach following her closely behind. She looked through the kitchen cabinets for a vase and in a few minutes she found one and filled it with water , placing the flowers in leaving them on the table. “How did you know I like white roses ?”
Zack took a few steps towards her , backing her against the kitchen counter.
“I know a lot of things.” he said , his lips smashing against hers as his hands found their way down her waist , squeezing her ass pulling her closer to him. Y/N had wrapped her hands around his neck tugging on his hair. He didn’t seem to want to pull away or let go off her. Her phone rang and she tried to wiggle her way out but Zack grabbed her wrists holding them tight together behind her back. She looked up and his expression scared the hell out of her. His eyes were black and he had this crazy look on his face - the same look a predator has looking at his pray. Zach’s other hand pushed down her PJ’ bottoms along with her underwear.
“What are you doing?” she asked trying to get herself free. In all the time she had known him , he had never done anything like it. “Sto-”
He smashed his lips against hers again , shutting her up. Y/N managed to kick him between the legs with her knee , giving her a few seconds to pull away from him.
“What is wrong with you?!” she asked raising her voice. “Whatever has crawled up your pants - watch it. THIS is not going to happen. Not tonight and definitely NOT like this.”
Zach took a step towards her. “Why not , Y/N? I want this , you want this … I see the way you look at me , you want it…” he said , his voice completely different than the sweet sound she was used to.
“I-I think you should go.” she said stepping aside , pointing towards the door. “Go before I call the cops or worse - one of my friends.”
Zach laughed and took another step towards her. “Your friends? What are they going to do to me ? Report me to the dean ?”
“Trust me , you do not want to find out.” she said , her voice trembling , taking a step back from him trying to get to her phone.
He pushed her onto the couch pinning her wrists over her head , kissing her neck while his other hand pushed down inside her underwear.
“Stop ! I don’t want to do this … Zack , get off me!” she cried out trying to push him off , tears started streaming down her face. “Get off me , please…”
It didn’t matter what she said , he kept going .. pulling down her PJ’s and undoing the buttons on his jeans.
Y/N felt so helpless in that moment , unable to do anything but wait for it to be over. Every attempt to fight him off failed , all her words went poof in the air… She had thought Zack was this nice guy and it had turned out that he was anything but.
“Stop please ..” she begged him again in between sobs , trying to pull herself away from him.
There was a loud bang coming from the front door and suddenly Zack started choking , his body lifting up in the air a few steps off the ground , his legs kicking at nothing while his hands tried to free the invisible grip on his neck.
Y/N looked around , her eyes falling on Kai who looked ready to tear Zack apart, his eyes burning with anger.
“I believe she said she wants you to stop. You should’ve listened.” Kai said , fury in his voice. “How should I end you ? Should I break your neck or rip out your heart?” he paused for a moment thinking. “Maybe first I will break every bone in your body as a punishment for laying a finger on her.”
Y/N stood frozen for a moment before pulling back up her PJ’s and running into Kai’s arms.
Kai pulled her close , tearing his eyes away from Zack , who’s face was already purple / blueish , looking at her with tears in his eyes. The girl he loved , who had nearly been raped by someone she had trusted. Kai didn’t even dare thinking what would’ve happened to her if he hadn’t decided to come to her house that evening and try to talk to her. His heart broke all over again looking at Y/N. She looked so scared and shaken to the core.
A few days after their break up , Kai came home finding a box with all things he had left in Y/N’s house - t-shirts , pictures …and the key he had given her so she could walk in at any time , even if he wasn’t home. He sat on the floor unable to bring himself to look through the things in the box. He had expected to find a ‘surprise’ like this one at some point but not this soon. Part of him had hoped they’d be able to repair their relationship , that this wasn’t the end …
Kai sat alone in the darkness , unable to fall asleep or even close his eyes because every time he did , Y/N’s face showed up behind his eyelids … The moment he had told her he regretted every second spent loving her ,the cracks in her heart visible through her eyes… He couldn’t believe how stupid he had been in that moment , talking without thinking not realising the consequences of his actions.
His days were mostly spent trying not to go looking for her ,except he failed miserably at it. A few times he had used a cloaking spell , sneaking up into her house or following her around town. It hurt him seeing her like this - she looked like a ghost , walking down the street or sitting on the couch curled up into a ball crying. She’d look in his direction or walk past him , he’d reach out to touch her before stopping himself.
A few times he had seen her come to his house in the middle of the night , just sitting on the porch… Kai would sit by the window in the dark , looking at her trying to work up the nerve to open the door and talk to her. To apologise for all the pain he had caused. One time she fell asleep and he carried her home. He didn’t think Y/N would be happy if when she wakes up finds herself in their old bedroom with him leaning over her.
None of those moments compared to the ones when he saw her with other guys. He liked seeing her smile , but hated that it was someone else making her smile and not him. His jealousy always won in the end.
Y/N had been the light in his life … and now he was living in literal and metaphorical darkness. He barely fed , not unless it was on one of the guys trying to take her away from him forever.
Kai flicked his wrist , breaking one of Zack’s legs , then the other not once but twice. He loosened the grip enough for Zack to take a breath before breaking one of his ribs. Y/N reached for his hand , lowering it down.
“No … don’t.” she said , her voice trembling. “He will get what’s coming …Let him go.”
Kai looked at her as if she were insane. “That guy just tried to … ” he swallowed hard, unable to even say the word. “.. he deserves to suffer and bleed out for what he did.”
“No , he will stain the carpet.” she said , a small smile on her face. “It will be hell to clean up afterwards.”
Kai laughed , a genuine laugh for the first time in months. Y/N brushed away a tear rolling down his cheek , her fingers tracing every inch of his face as if seeing him for the first time. Kai let Zack down on the ground watching him squirming in pain. Y/N walked over to him , kneeling down.
“You wanted to know what’s so scary about my friends…? Compared to my boyfriend ,” she motioned to Kai ,“ my friends are harmless fluffy kittens.”
Kai’s eyes lit up when she said ‘my boyfriend’ and he smiled for a moment. He loved hearing her say those words.
“What are we going to do with you now , Zack? … ” she muttered more to herself than to anyone else.
“What kind of a freak is that guy ?” Zack spit out , pointing at Kai. “I’ll report you to -”
“To who ?” Kai interrupted. “The cops ? I think they’d be more interested in what you tried to do to her. Be grateful she stopped me or you would’ve been 2 meters under ground right now…” he knelt down next to Y/N , grabbing Zack’s shoulders. “Listen to me very carefully you little piece of … … You were in a car accident on your way to Y/N’s house to tell her you are not interested in her. You will forget all about me and what I did to you .. and you will move so far away from here , you’ll fall off the edge of the map. Got it?”
* * *
“I’m going to burn that couch.” Y/N muttered after they had dealt with Zack and he was sent on his 'marry way’ in an ambulance with compelled doctors. “Are you going to help me or what?” she said glancing at Kai who laughed at her comment.
“It’s not the couch’s fault this happened …. It’s mine.” he said taking a step towards her. “I … I never should’ve let you leave that night. If my pride hadn’t gotten the worst out of me , none of this would’ve happened.” His gaze fell on the ground.
Y/N took his hand in hers. “You can’t blame yourself for this… it was my fault too.” she said , Kai lifting his gaze to meet hers.
“No! No , it wasn’t. It was all me.” he raised his voice. “I said so many things I didn’t mean that night , pushed you away and didn’t follow you after. I should have followed you , I … I should’ve done everything I could to get you back and I didn’t… and then when I saw you with all those guys , it felt like I was losing you all over again… and then you met this idiot. I saw you happy with him and I knew I had lost you forever.”
Y/N looked into his eyes , seeing her pain reflected in them. Now that she saw him up close , there were dark circles under his eyes , his skin was grayish. She ran her fingers through his hair , watching him close his eyes for a moment enjoying her touch. Her hand resting on his cheek , Kai’s hand reaching for it to hold it. He opened his eyes , blinking back tears. It broke her heart seeing him like this. Kai never liked tears , not in her eyes and definitely not in his eyes.
“I am so so sorry for everything , Y/N. I’m sorry for causing you all this pain , putting you through hell … I …”
“Stop talking.” she said suddenly.
“No , you need to know. … and then you’ll never see or hear from me again , just like you wanted. Y/N , I -”
Y/N shut him up with a kiss , wrapping her hands around his neck , running her fingers through his hair tugging on it , pulling him closer.. Kai looked surprised for a second and then pulled her closer to him too , his lips hungrily wanting more. In that moment all the pain from the past few months disappeared as if it had never happened. It felt like two pieces of the same heart had finally connected and everything in the world seemed right again. Their lips perfect match for each other , their bodies perfectly fitting together.
“I never stopped loving you… ” he said softly , pulling away from the kiss with a wide smile on his face. “I love you … I .. I always will.”
Y/N smiled widely back at him pressing her lips to his again before speaking.
“I never stopped loving you either , Malachai.” she said. He didn’t even wince hearing his full name like he usually did… She pressed her lips against his again. “I love you! Always and forever.” she said smiling.
He let out a small laugh. “I missed hearing you say my name.” he said cupping her face , his thumbs gently rubbing her cheeks and resting his forehead on hers. “I missed seeing the spark in your eyes , your lips .. everything. I missed you.”
Kai kissed her deeply , wrapping his arms around her tighter than ever.
“I am never letting you go again.”
“I wouldn’t let you even if you wanted me to.” she said smiling.