the mother loaf

Little Red Riding Hood

Once upon a time there lived a girl who was loved dearly by her Mother and Grandmother. Her Mother waited on her hand and foot, even though she was perfectly capable of looking after herself. Her Grandmother had sewn her a red cape to protect her from the dangers of the forest. She wore it each and every time she left the house. It was for this reason everyone in the village called her Little Red Riding Hood.

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Chapter 1

A/N: The yet unnamed, sad-turned-hopeful beginning of what I hope to be a multiple chapter fic about Jack and Shitty’s friendship. 2.2K. This starts after the overdose, so if you’re not cool with that, please avoid.

Jack Zimmermann was not ready for this.

It’d been a year and a half since the overdose, since the life he’d known had ended on the floor of a bathroom, tiles cold and clammy against his cheek, fluorescent lights glaring at him from above. Nothing. Then he was in a hospital bed, the thin sheets chill against his skin, tubes snaking from his wrists and elbows. His father stood in the window with a hand over his face as his shoulders shook. His wife stood next to him, a hand around his waist. For four days consciousness was fleeting. When Jack was well and truly awake, the last day went to psych. Doctors came in, asked him excruciating questions about his time in the Q, his childhood, his relationship with his parents, his coaches, his friends. To make sure it wouldn’t happen again, at least not right away.

Then came rehab. Three months in a residential facility, being watched all day and every day by medical staff with polite condescension. For three months Jack was no more than a crashed and burned almost-celebrity. Visitation day was Thursday. His parents were there waiting for him every week.

The next five months were spent with his mother in his parent’s house in upstate New York. His father stayed in Canada. The season began in a week. The Habs needed him. Bob stood on the porch of their home in Quebec as Jack and Alicia put their trunks in the car, a hand to his heart and a watery smile plastered to his face. As they drove away, Jack turned to look over his shoulder, saw his father still on the porch, head bent, body quivering. His mother put her hand on Jack’s knee until he turned back around.

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Mother’s Day story

A few years ago my family tried to do this paleo-but-stricter diet. It meant no sweeteners, no grains, no dairy, no beans, and no soy for a month. We were pretty much dealing with fruit meat and veggies the whole month of May. Which was fine… until I realized that Mother’s day was sitting at the end of the diet, and my mom hadn’t had chocolate for three weeks. If any of you have chocoholic moms like mine, you can see the impending tragedy. I was determined to rescue my angel mother from this fate worse than death. So I gathered all of my limited paleo cooking know-how and derived a scratch recipe for a date and raisin cocoa brownie bread. 

         The night before mother’s day my siblings helped get mom out of the house while I set to work. I spent hours trying to balance whatever compliant sweeteners I could with the punch-your-teeth-in bitter of 100% cocoa powder. Honey, agave, maple syrup and every other sugar substitute was off limits for this particular diet. So, I stuck with things like dates, raisins and bananas. My first few attempted produced a black brown sludge that tasted like asphalt with a hint of banana. I continued trying to create something at least passable, adding anything I could think of to thicken and sweeten this bitter brew into a dough. Each attempt got slightly better, but still left me grimacing after every taste test. By the time the dough looked thick enough and didn’t taste like topsoil, I was sick and discouraged. I pressed it into a bread pan and allowed the concoction to congeal in the oven until it seemed firm enough. I quickly wrapped the cooled loaf in ceran wrap and hid the evidence of my failure until the next morning. 

          When breakfast came around, everyone was expectant. They all knew I had had something special planned. All I could promise was a surprise…but possibly not a pleasant one. As I presented the brick, my families eyes lit up as they heard the word ‘brownie’. Excitedly, my mother helped unwrap the loaf and cut a generous slice for everyone. Either pure dread, or the leftover dough sat like a rock in the bottom of my gut. As I watched my mom pass the bread around, I could still taste the mix of failed attempts. With a sense of woe, I watched my family take their first bites, expecting their smiles to twist or melt away. 

“This is- So good!” My mom announced. Shocked and surprised I glance around. Everyone was nodding in agreement. 

“What did you put in this?!” they chorused.

Perplexed, I regarded the loaf. It appeared to be the same black brown lump as before, but some great change had to have been wrought overnight. I took a hesitant bite of my own portion and discovered that somehow all of the tastes and flavors had come together. It was moist and sweet, with the harsh bite of cocoa properly subdued in the background, but satisfying nonetheless.

“Dates, raisins, cocoa powder and Mother’s Day miracles.” I answered honestly. 

I love my mother so much. She means the world to me. I learn from her everyday, and still hope to garner further wisdom from her, someday becoming as smart and patient as she is. She is a miracle worker, and I’m just happy that enough of her magic rubbed off on me to make a simple treat that year. Moms never really been a fan of today, but I hope that every year I can find some special way to tell her honestly how much she means to me. 

I hope all of you have your share of miracles today to help show the miracle moms in your lives how amazing they are! Happy Mother’s Day everyone. 


Lol you breadlings remember this and this

Sorry for any mistakes, I’m currently shaking with rage 8D

Apparently that lovely person (previsouly MotherLoaf, now iTrafalgar) who was stealing my identity on iFunny (a phone app)  is still stealing my art and claiming they drew it! How lovely! I thought that person undestood the lesson, but apparently they are so fucking stubborn that they are still stealing my shit owo They thought I had forgotten about their pitiful behaviour but hey, what they don’t know is that I’m the kind of person who stalks those who were jerks to me in many ways. So this time, I found out they were stealing by myself yay

Last time, I was kinda FRIGHTENED about all this (because of the stolen identity thing) but this time, I’m not scared anymore. This time, I’m pissed and I want this person to stop stealing art. I’m not the only one they are stealing from. Last time, I didn’t tell the other bloggers that this person has been stealing their art. I saw @elyonblackstar‘s, @earthcookies‘s, @itsamemarshallbanana‘s, @go-go-go-karu‘s art… And many others I don’t know. Though they are only claiming my art to be theirs.

Last time, I acted correctly to that stealer. This time, I won’t be nice at all. This is the second time. No need for the person to run towards me like “AH IM SORRY IDK WHY I DID THIS” because you deliberately did it again. YOU KNEW IT WAS WRONG! YOU KNEW. I thought you understood. But really you didn’t. If you come to apologize, I’ll throw your excuses back at your face. Last time, I was concerned you would feel lame. This time, oh, this time… This time, I almost hope you feel lame. Because what you did is no good. Stealing is no good. Now you did it one time, I knew you were going to steal my art and claiming it yours again one day. You hear me? I knew it!

Now, if you Breadlings are still reading this, I’m asking you to report this person. If only me does it, it won’t work. Feel free to do it or not, guys. Do it if you think they deserve it, don’t if you’re against it. I won’t force you, I won’t look down at you because you didn’t do it.

You guys may be thinking, “yes but… maybe they are going to do it again… what can you do against it?” Yep that’s right.
What I’m gonna do is making my own account on ifunny. Follow me on there so the REAL Breadlings army will rise again, with the REAL Bread MC at its head!!! 8D
If the real Mother Loaf is on iFunny… Why would people follow a fake account? B] That would greatly help me out!

My iFunny username is BreadMC. Look for me and follow me if you want! 8D

Ah. Now I feel less angry. I’m going to send a message to that iTrafalgar person so they know they won’t be able to post my art anymore without it being so fucking obvious they are stealing. vuv

Have a good day my Breadlings! I love you lots! >u<
Remember, you can follow  BreadMC on iFunny! <3
Bread MC out.