the most perfect story to ever

anonymous asked:

opinion on bara? also mlm-written yaoi manga?

I like it and some of the art styles and body types appeal to me more than skinny guys (no offense twinks). Its a pretty diverse genre with many content creators. In my opinion bara is definitely better than yaoi, mainly because its not really fetishistic of mlm, however its far from perfect. 98% of the genre is pornographic/sexual in some way, which isn’t an issue itself, but if you are a minor or have issues with sexual content then I suggest you just avoid the genre. Also there are some creators who make content that includes things like rape, so avoid those like the plague. Lastly, most bara manga/manhua/comics are one shots so don’t go looking for a story (I have read maybe like 4 that have more than one chapter).

I haven’t actually read any yaoi that has ever been created by a mlm. I haven’t seen any fanfiction written by a man either for that matter. Those arenas are dominated by homophobic straight women so ofcourse mlm created content would be too few and far between. Even if a yaoi is still created by a mlm I still wouldn’t recommend reading it. Unlike popular belief, gay/bi men can still conform to and/or engage in homophobic behaviors or beliefs just like straight people (aka internalized homophobia).

- mod L

the main difference between male and female

Aries: a female aries is lovely and charming, she has a spark to her that makes her determined to accomplish what she sets her mind to. She’s extremely erotic and open about her sexuality.

a male aries is very serious at first glance, almost shy but once they feel comfortable around you they get all weird with their drugs and anime fetiches

Taurus: a female taurus is down to earth, she appears to be quiet and softspoken but omg this girl has the craziest things going through her brain, and she will always to be hungry, is not always expressive about emotions but she gives the best gifts and hugs.

A male taurus is always really fucking strange, he’s super quirky, a gamer, addicted to game of thrones and always uses cartoon references. Funny sense of humour (borderline offensive) says love isn’t his thing, is the first one to fall.

Gemini: a gemini male almost always seems to be super attractive, either bc he’s the cute nerdy type, or the popular hot guy. really smart, likes to laugh a lot. Can be a real douche 

a female gemini is adorable and always in the mood to goof around, so freaking versatile, if she feels betrayed will spill out all ur secrets and call u out on everything bitch watch out

Cancer: cancer boys are huge babies, they are party guys, it’s all about fun and games until someone mentions ‘’love’’ and they will sit u down and ramble about what their perfect girl would be like. is always waiting on the ‘’one’’, has high af expectations but likes the simplest and most boring girls.

cancer girls are moms, they always hug you, but omg these women are so jealous with their friends, it’s like you can’t even co-exist in a room with their bestie bc they will give u the stinky eye, i can’t

Leo: leo girls are the funniest ever, end of story. they’re divas and vulgar ass men at the same time. Fashion on fleek, always looks high but it’s just their face. belongs in the 70′s.

male leos are friends with everyone, most popular guy ever, nice, likes to act all mean but it’s all playful. has a hard time settling down, deep down always wants more in a girl

Virgo: virgo women are fierce, they are softies on the inside although they always look anxious  on the outside, stressed 24/7, loves sex so much low-key addicted to it, organized but a big ass mess

virgo guys are intelectual but stubborn mofos, say a lot of dad jokes, god complex, act like they don’t know shit about trends but really loves buying clothes and dressing nice.

Libra: libra boys are guys who look like angels, so friendly and innocent, BUT BAM BITCH they hit you with their sass, they are flirty af but SO FUCKING OPINIONATED, will flat out say ‘’i don’t like girls who ____’’, expects for you to chase after them, they are actually explosive and get moody easily, really dirty jokes

libra girls are airheads, so nice and giggle all the damn time (it’s cute srry if i sound mad), they always laugh at what ur saying even if it’s dumb and not funny at all. always has a young face, most likely not very open about sexuality, modest, easily corrupted, ——–if u have a scorpio moon u are the devil regina george— :)

Scorpio: scorpio guys are psycho, 60% are sociopaths i swear, they never laugh but when they do it’s loud and crazy and no one knows why the fuck. always walk like they’re in a hurry, STARES, is a child 4ever

scorpio women are extreme, she will not shut up for hours and the next day will not speak at all. is sexual but probably a virgin, knows everyones secrets, jealous with friends, jealous with stranger guys, jealous with mom, jealous with pet, jealous with self. stalks crush and writes poems about him but will never admit it

Sagittarius: sag guys are soooooo cheesy romantic, i swear they’re the fourth water sign, literally so many emotions, likes art, falls in love so easily it’s ridiculous, IS ALWAYS FRIENDZONED OMg hilarious but with partner, lasts 4ever

Sag girls are the ones who friendzone, will forget ur name in a second, flakey, says she’s down to go out with friends and guess what, bish fell asleep.loves to gossip with u, will always wanna hook u up with her friends or find out details about ur crush. does the dirty work for everyone

Capricorn:  cap girls are outspoken, bitchy but if she likes you she will defend u till death (she’s still gonna be a bitch to u but a softer one), confident AF, always looks ready to go to a club, boys everywhere like girl where’d u get these bruhs from. everywhere you go, guys will flock them, will make u feel like a potato bc she’s so perfect. has a hard time making decisions and letting go

cap male is competitive, ambitious, smells gooooood, style on fleek, the funniest guy ever, dark humour, smart with money, is probably gonna be a CEO, mommy’s boy, loves whiskey idk, eats SO MUCH like more than anyone, is a puppy on the inside, fuckboy but diehard romantic deep down.

Aquarius: aquarius guys always look cool, bad boy, they look like they dont care (spoiler alert: they don’t) has like 219 ex girlfriends and another hundred friends with benefits, smart ass, feels superior to everyone, thinks he’s so deep, he probably is but can never show it so no one believes him.

 aqua girls are always popular, the quirky one, the one who likes things ‘’no one else likes’’, a huge hipster, simple but attractive, has so many guys who wanna be with her and she acts like she doesn’t even notice. has so many guy friends (theyallwannabangher but ok) probably artsy, has good taste in music

Pisces: pisces men walk so fucking fast, probably because of their fucking long ass legs, has a serious face almost like he’s analizing the situation but in reality they’re thinking about memes (has amazing memes), never follows his heart, has strong feelings but rarely ever acts on them. is in love with someone they dont know, always has that little shine in their eyes

pisces girls are always the cute girl, the baby, the good one. deep down these girls will say dirty shit and has that evil side that always wants to come out and play, easily makes friends, is a disney princess and loves warm things. 

46 Of The Most Beautiful Sentences In YA Literature

1. “You could rattle the stars. You could do anything, if you only dared. And deep down, you know it too, and that’s what scares you the most.”
—Sarah J. Maas, Throne of Glass

2. “Because sometimes chance and circumstance can seem like the most appalling injustice, but we just have to adapt. That’s all we can do.”
—Gavin Extence, The Universe Versus Alex Woods

3. “I can’t seem to be a pessimist long enough to overlook the possibility of things being overwhelmingly good.”
—John Corey Whaley, Where Things Come Back

4. “Books are my friends, my companions. They make me laugh and cry and find meaning in life.”
―Christopher Paolini, Eragon

5. “Because Margo knows the secret of leaving, the secret I have only just now learned; leaving feels good and pure only when you leave something important, something that mattered to you. Pulling life out by the roots. But you can’t do that until your life has grown roots.”
—John Green, Paper Towns

6. “Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love.”
―J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

7. “I’m done with those; regrets are an excuse for people who have failed.”
—Ned Vizzini, It’s Kind of a Funny Story

8. “Becoming fearless isn’t the point. That’s impossible. It’s learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it.”
—Veronica Roth, Divergent

9. “The moon is a loyal companion. It never leaves. It’s always there, watching, steadfast, knowing us in our light and dark moments, changing forever just as we do. Every day it’s a different version of itself. Sometimes weak and wan, sometimes strong and full of light. The moon understands what it means to be human. Uncertain. Alone. Cratered by imperfections.”
—Tahereh Mafi, Shatter Me

10. “Eleanor was right. She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn’t supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something.”
—Rainbow Rowell, Eleanor & Park

11. “Don’t be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don’t have to live forever, you just have to live.”
—Natalie Babbit, Tuck Everlasting

12. “Just because we’ve been … dealt a certain hand … it doesn’t mean that we can’t choose to rise above — to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted.”
—Stephenie Meyer, Twilight

13. “Some walks you have to take alone.”
—Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

14. “That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.”
—John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

15. “We believe in the wrong things. That’s what frustrates me the most. Not the lack of belief, but the belief in the wrong things. You want meaning? Well, the meanings are out there. We’re just so damn good at reading them wrong.”
—Rachel Cohn, Dash & Lily’s Book of Dares

16. “Why would you be given wings if you weren’t meant to fly?”
—Leslye Walton, The Strange and Beautiful Sorrows of Ava Lavender

17. “Live! Live the wonderful life that is in you! Let nothing be lost upon you. Be always searching for new sensations. Be afraid of nothing.”
—Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

18. “It’s just that…I just think that some things are meant to be broken. Imperfect. Chaotic. It’s the universe’s way of providing contrast, you know? There have to be a few holes in the road. It’s how life is.”
—Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever

19. “The universe is bigger than anything that can fit into your mind.”
—Ava Dellaira, Love Letters to the Dead

20. “I try to think about how it all works. At school dances, I sit in the background, and I tap my toe, and I wonder how many couples will dance to ‘their song.’ In the hallways, I see the girls wearing the guys’ jackets, and I think about the idea of property. And I wonder if anyone is really happy. I hope they are. I really hope they are.”
—Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

21. “Things were rough all over but it was better that way. That way, you could tell the other guy was human too.”
—S.E. Hinton, The Outsiders

22. “What if evil doesn’t really exist? What if evil is something dreamed up by man, and there is nothing to struggle against except our own limitations? The constant battle between our will, our desires, and our choices?”
—Libba Bray, Rebel Angels

23. “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”
—J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

24. “It’s like the people who believe they’ll be happy if they go and live somewhere else, but who learn it doesn’t work that way. Wherever you go, you take yourself with you. If you see what I mean.”
—Neil Gaiman, The Graveyard Book

25. “I can tell you that the end of a life is the sum of the love that was lived in it, that whatever you think you have sworn, being here at the end of Jem’s life is not what is important. It was being here for every other moment.”
—Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Princess

26. “Life, with its rules, its obligations, and its freedoms, is like a sonnet: You’re given the form, but you have to write the sonnet yourself.”
—Madeleine L’Engle, A Wrinkle In Time

27. “Maybe who we are isn’t so much about what we do, but rather what we’re capable of when we least expect it”
—Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper

28. “People never really died. They only went on to a better place, to wait a while for their loved ones to join them. And then once more they went back to the world, in the same way they had arrived the first time around.”
―V.C. Andrews, Flowers in the Attic

29. “Goodbye, I say, goodbye, as I disappear little by little into the middle of the middle of my own spectacular now.”
—Tim Tharp, The Spectacular Now

30. “But if I’m it, the last of my kind, the last page of human history, like hell I’m going to let the story end this way…Because if I am the last one, then I am humanity. And if this is humanity’s last war, then I am the battlefield.”
—Rick Yancey, The 5th Wave

31. “The words were on their way, and when they arrived, she would hold them in her hands like clouds, and she would ring them out like the rain.”
—Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

32. “Child, no one is ever ready for anything. I would never doom you to that. What sort of adventureless life would that be?”
—Alethea Kontis, Enchanted

33. “And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.”
—John Steinbeck, East of Eden

34. “Maybe some people are just meant to be in the same story.”
―Jandy Nelson, I’ll Give You the Sun

35. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: We all want everything to be okay. We don’t even wish so much for fantastic or marvelous or outstanding. We will happily settle for okay, because most of the time, okay is enough.”
—David Levithan, Every Day

36. “Doubt everything at least once. What you decide to keep, you’ll be able to be confident of. And what you decide to ditch, you will replace with what your instincts tell you is true.”
―Amy Plum, After the End

37. “Just as a river by night shines with the reflected light of the moon, so too do you shine with the light of your family, your people, and your God. So you are never far from home, never alone, wherever you go.”
—Karen Cushman, Catherine Called Birdy

38. “You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you’ll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.”
—John Green, Looking for Alaska

39. “There’s no shame in fear, my father told me, what matters is how we face it.”
—George R.R. Martin, A Clash of Kings

40. “I know that the whole point—the only point—is to find the things that matter, and hold on to them, and fight for them, and refuse to let them go.”
—Lauren Oliver, Delirium

41. “We feel cold, but we don’t mind it, because we will not come to harm. And if we wrapped up against the cold, we wouldn’t feel other things, like the bright tingle of the stars, or the music of the aurora, or best of all the silky feeling of moonlight on our skin. It’s worth being cold for that.”
—Philip Pullman, The Golden Compass

42. “It’s a lot easier to be lost than found. It’s the reason we’re always searching and rarely discovered—so many locks not enough keys.”
―Sarah Dessen, Lock and Key

43. “On that cold night in January it all slipped into place for me and she became my everything and my everyone. My music, my sun, my words, my logic, my confusion, my flaw.”
—Julie Murphy, Side Effects May Vary

44. “Hope? Hope can be a powerful force. Maybe there’s no actual magic in it, but when you know what you hope for most and hold it like a light within you, you can make things happen, almost like magic.”
—Laini Taylor, Daughter of Smoke and Bone

45. “[She] had always suffered from a vague restlessness, a longing for adventure that she told herself severely was the result of reading too many novels when she was a small child.”
—Robin McKinley, The Blue Sword

46. “Youth cannot know how age thinks and feels, but old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young.”
—J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix 

tagulansahulyo  asked:

Hello! Please, I love good pining stories. I especially love it when it's Viktor who does it, too. Could you please recommend deliciously painful pining stories but with good endings? :)

Thanks for the requests! Mutual pining fics are my some of my favourites! Here is a TON of mutual pining fics because why not? They’re amazing!

Originally posted by sovlfighter


Mutual Pining


Break the Cycle by SigmundFreud, Explicit, 26k
College AU where ex boyfriends Yuuri and Victor can’t stay away from each other. LOTS of mutual pining, arguments, miscommunication, and, of course, angst. Thumbs up!

a certain playboy by fan_nerd, Gen, 3.9k
There’s no way that Victor, Yuuri’s childhood idol, could be calling Yuuri a handsome playboy, just because they’d met eyes at two skating events. Besides, a total stranger had given Yuuri the tickets. It would be totally absurd. Love!

On My Love by RikoJasmine, Teen, 48k (WIP)
Time travel AU where Yuuri and Victor are happy aged and married, but an accident occurs and suddenly Yuuri wakes up back in Detroit, in a time before he had even met Victor. Angst and pining ensues. Great fic!

of dusk and dawn and a love beyond by exile_wrath, Gen, 5.5k
The King of Day, Victor, drops flowers to the Ruler of Night, Yuuri, to express his love for him; yet, they are always returned, as Yuuri thinks that they’re dropped by mistake. Day and Night AU!

Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches by Reiya, Explicit, 166k (WIP)
The ULTIMATE angst fic filled with all the pining, miscommunications, and more. Rival AU where Yuuri’s life goal, since he was a child, is to beat Victor and win the GPF. HOT and a must read.

lie to make me like you by cityboys, Mature, 80k
It’s become a game, of sorts, to anyone privy to the fact that the pattern exists in the first place: ask Victor out at the beginning of the month, date for however many days, and wait for the end to come and for Victor to say, always: I couldn’t fall in love with you. Let’s break up. OMG so good!

On Cruelty and Confusion by Torchlite, Teen, 6.8k (WIP)
The timers show three sets of numbers: the wearer’s heart rate, their soulmate’s heart rate, and the number of heartbeats until they see each other in person. Viktor’s timer goes off the moment he lays eyes on Yuuri. Yuuri’s does not. Great soulmate timer AU!

Kingdoms of the Sun and Moon by OathKeeper, Explicit, 12k (WIP)
Yuuri is the Prince and Heir to the throne of the Sun Kingdom. Before his twentieth birthday, he is due to marry Princess Mila from the Moon Kingdom, to whom he’s been engaged since childhood. Victor comes along and everything gets flipped upside down. THIS FIC IS AMAZING PLEASE ENCOURAGE THE AUTHOR TO WRITE MORE IT’S SO GOOD

Sky of Endless Love by CagedBirdSings, Gen, 3.2k (WIP)
In a Realm far above the Earth, the King of Day leaves behind roses of vivid red - all in the hopes of having his feelings reach the King of Night. Meanwhile, Yuuri wonders why Victor keeps dropping his roses. I love this AU!!

Nerve Endings by Phyona, Explicit, 42k (WIP)
When Yuuri moves in with Victor in St. Petersburg, they have to work through Yuuri’s anxiety and Victor’s secretiveness to find their balance. THIS IS SO, SO AMAZING

Like a Fairytale by lucycamui, Teen, 30k (WIP)
In which Prince Victor gets swept off his feet at a royal banquet and will go to any length to find his ‘Cinderella’ Yuuri. Lovely Cinderella AU!

Healthy Impropriety by mtothedestiel, Explicit, 29k
Victor is the wealthy master of the Nikiforov estate. At a society party he’s swept off his feet by the mysterious, suave, and very drunk Katsuki Yuuri. Victor aims to declare his love and secure Mr. Katsuki’s hand in marriage, but first he has to find him! THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVE FICS EVER

Lessons in Love by fangirlandiknowit, Mature, 21k (WIP)
All Viktor wants is for his son to be happy - and if that means spending countless hours at the ice rink, a million more in the ballet studio, and devotedly cheering for Katsuki Yuuri at every competition he enters, then that is precisely what he’ll do. LOVE!

Everything on Fire by SakanatoAi, Teen, 28k (WIP)
In an alternate universe where the physical closeness between two soulmates is measured by body temperature, Yuuri Katsuki and Victor Nikiforov have spent their entire lives chasing after fleeting moments of warmth. Awesome soulmate AU!

Masks off by emulikule, Teen, 27k
And so the story goes that a playboy comes to a town, makes it fall in love with him and then proceeds to get himself enticed by the most mysterious person there. SO GOOD OMG

Chocolate and Ice | Yuri!!! on Ice by TheLoyalMouse, Explicit, 2k
Victor wants to touch him so badly - but how can he, if it means it would taint the most perfect, innocent and pure human being he ever met? Surely, Yuri’s heart is not for him to take… Bonus Victor POV!

Dancing Daffodils by grayclouds, Mature, 33k (WIP)
Greek God AU where Yuuri is the god of Eros who falls for Victor, a man secluded/banished from the rest of society. Very sweet, and the mix of Greek mythology and YOI works amazingly well. Definitely recommend!

Looking for Courage by icterine, Explicit, 17k
Victor’s soul rejoices with their meeting. A fleeting attempt to steady a drunken stranger sets his heart afire. It’s all he’s ever dared to wish for. LOVE!

centripetal force by braveten, Explicit, 60k (WIP)
Victor speaks seven languages. (Physics isn’t one of them.) Luckily, though, he ends up rooming with his antithesis: a shy, black-haired boy who just so happens to be a physics major. LOVE this!

Reasons why bughead is the otp i never knew i needed:

- It’s a relationship solely built on friendship, trust and affection between two people. There’s no “belligerent sexual tension”, “hating each other but secretly wanting to have sex”, or petty insults that are somehow romanticized into “hot witty banter”. There’s just love, unspoken understanding and empathy.

- Jughead and Betty are both damaged people going through rough patches in life, but it’s not portrayed in a “omg we’re so fucked up and it’s glorified to be something morbidly beautiful as we spiral into mutual destruction” way, it’s more like “our lives are messed up and it’s not okay, but we’ll help each other through this, we’ll overcome it together”.

- Even though it’s clear that they mean a lot to each other, they are able to exist as two separate characters with respective compelling stories, instead of being reduced to “one half of a ship”. They both have priorities that they (rightfully) put before their relationship. So many ships end up overshadowing the characters involved that they’re pretty much empty shells without their relationship with each other keeping them relevant to the plot.

- The casual way with which they show affection. The casual touching, hand holding, sitting-side-by-side-with-zero-personal-space, the slinging-a-leg-over-the-other’s-lap thing. Some of them are even blink-and-you’ll-miss it shots. It’s never a big deal. It’s like physical affection comes to them naturally. It’s perfect.

- The huge smiles they always wear on their faces when they’re together. It’s so clear they make each other happy by just being there. There’s no tears, no arguing, no physical violence, no drama, all of which staples of “interesting relationships” on television, and yet theirs is one of the most compelling love stories I have ever known.

I don’t think people understand how rare it is for a tv pairing to be this healthy and good, and how much it means to me. I’m crossing all my fingers that this is the way they’ll always be. It’s time for us to put all those dramatic and destructive romance tropes to bed and stop pretending it’s romantic.

so i played skyrim tonight, and i thought i’d tell an important story about my journeys:

i was mostly wandering around minding my own business when i came upon whiterun stables and guys - listen. i found the most beautiful perfect horse i’d ever seen. majestic, beautiful, immaculate. i had to have him. so i figured - hey, i took long enough getting here, it’s the middle of the night, no one’s gonna see if i take this horse, right?

this was my first mistake.

so i hop on the horse. i press the big glaring red STEAL button and get my ass on the horse. perfect. 50 bounty from whiterun - well, no plan is ever perfect. and we start walking along - and who runs up to me, but a whiterun guard. “you have committed crimes against skyrim and her people” - he’s very upset. well holy shit! i didn’t think anyone saw me, but you know what, good sir, here, i’ll pay the fine -

“we’ll take your stolen goods, and - “

no. this simply won’t do. i come out of the keep, scheming. i must acquire my horse again.

so i go back to the stables, steal the horse again. it’s the same horse, of course it is, because he’s flawless and gallant and waited for me.

but then - again - the guard, crimes against skyrim and her people - well you know what sir, a cat-man’s pride for his perfect and beautiful horse is not a crime. so i hop off my perfect horse, and get my Destruction ready. i’m going to give this guard what-for. of course, in the process, i accumulate 1000 bounty from whiterun.

well, fuck. this, probably, could be considered mistake number two. i get on the horse again. +50 bounty from whiterun, but in the face of killing that guard, honestly, who’s going to notice one stolen horse? i press the big red STEAL button again.

“alright, RED STEEL,” i tell the horse, “from now on, you and i are fugitives.”

RED STEEL, noble and awe-inspiring steed, and i walk for a very, very, very long time. we can never go back. but - you guys, i found out something else about RED STEEL that made it all worth it:

well, of course. he can fly. my incredible, unkillable, righteous RED STEEL.

look at him, as majestic and all-powerful and graceful as i always knew him to be.

so - did i commit crimes against skyrim and her people? yes. yes, i did. but in doing so, i made an unforgettable friend, and a powerful ally. so was it worth it?

i’ll let you be the judge.

sierra-jk  asked:

Hi! i was wondering if you knew any fics where draco and harry are professors at hogwarts together??? xxx

I sure do! Stories where Harry teaches DADA and Draco potions (or some other Hogwarts subject) are the best! I’ve found that fics where Harry is the DADA professor and Draco is the potions are really typical in the fandom. So I’ve branched out a bit and have tried to include stories where they teach different subjects as well! Enjoy :)

  • Long Time Coming - by charlottesometimes (5k)
    the war is over and much of the Hogwarts staff has died or retired. Harry and Draco work about as well together as professors as they ever did as students.
    (All of the pent up sexual frustration between Draco and Harry is released through the numerous heated arguments they have. I laughed way too much at Draco’s snarky attitude. Note: Harry isn’t actually a professor in this story, he’s actually Headmaster of Hogwarts. But don’t let that stop you from reading this story because it was a great read!) 

  • Professor Potter and his Magical Menagerie - by dracogotgame(7k)
    Harry Potter descends on Hogwarts with a horde of magical beasts. Professor Malfoy is not amused.
    (This is the kind of fanfic that leaves you smiling the whole way through. It’s where Hagrid leaves Hogwarts and Harry takes over his Care of Magical Creatures position. A very sweet story!)

  • All Life is Yours to Miss - by Saras_Girl (114k)
    Professor Malfoy’s world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go.
    (Okay, I totally fell head over heels for Draco in this story. Harry and Draco are both professors at Hogwarts. Draco accidently petrifies Harry for the better part of two-thirds of the story, so he has to take over Harry’s classes and responsibilities. It’s a very Draco-centric story and really, it’s a journey of self-discovery for Draco. It was lovely to get to know this side of him, the side that nobody else sees. Oh my god! Okay wait I almost forgot to mention Stanley, who is Draco’s beetle pet and is the most adorable critter ever!)

  • Tea For Two - by betweentheloins (14k)
    Draco Malfoy is the last person that Harry expected to be working alongside when he took the open Defense Against The Dark Arts position at Hogwarts, but now there’s nothing to do but put their past behind them.
    (This was honestly the most beautiful, lovely, and heartwarming fic I have ever had the pleasure of reading! Harry and Draco’s relationship was just perfect! There were so many cute and wonderful scenes, I don’t have enough time to quote them all but asgghklkls!!1!1! I loved every moment of this story!)

  • Lessons in Humility - by playout (86k)
    After the dissolution of his marriage and a good bit of soul-searching, Harry returns to Hogwarts as the new Defense teacher. Go figure, it happens to be the same year Draco takes over the role of Potions Master. Neither man is happy about this turn of events. Will they be able to set aside their differences and learn a thing or two about trust and humility on the way?
    (A total classic. Domestic Drarry always gives me life, and the sheer amount of fluff in this story was beautiful)

  • Potions Professor Pursuit - by Reverie Wilde (143k)
    It’s 2004. Harry, 24, has left the Auror program to become a Professor at Hogwarts. He enjoys the quiet life he has there until a new Potions professor is hired. Harry quickly become completely smitten, though too insecure to reveal his true feelings. Especially when the object of his desire seems to have interest elsewhere.
    (I really loved reading the last few chapters of this story because they were especially sweet and fluffy! Draco’s jealousy was superbly written, and overall it really was amazing)

  • Transfigurations - by Resonant (71k)
    Five years after Voldemort’s defeat, Harry returns to England to help re-open Hogwarts.
    (If you haven’t read this story before, then you’re totally missing out! It was written before OotP was released so there are some canon variances, but that just what makes the fic more enjoyable and entertaining to read! There’s quite a few plot twists - which is always amazing to see in a story - and the storyline itself is so intricate and detailed. A+ fanfic for sure)

  • Homecoming - by November Snowflake (27k)
    Harry thinks spending two weeks as a guest lecturer at Hogwarts will offer the perfect chance to get away from his troubles. Then he meets his assigned faculty guide: Potions Master Draco Malfoy.
    (The characterizations of Harry and Draco are perfect! I love how the author was able to keep this fic epilogue compliant, and the divorce and issues between Harry and Ginny were brilliantly done)

  • Everybody’s Secret - by leontina (3k)
    Harry and Draco are both professors at Hogwarts, and in a relationship with each other. They think they’re doing a good job keeping it secret — they’re not.
    (This is such a cute, funny and adorably fluffy fic! There’s so many hilarious moments and scenes, you’ll definitely love reading it!)
Allow me to rant about Maggie and Sanvers

When we first meet Maggie, we learned three basic things about the character: she’s an out and proud lesbian, she’s a cocky little shit, she cares a lot about people. For a while, this is all we had to hold on to. Maggie’s layers were added painstakingly slowly, and you had to pay attention to see what they were. Looking back, the traits that made Maggie Sawyer the woman we love, were always there, we just didn’t know it.

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Living as a Liminal Space

Is this the way things have always been?
The question is always nestled in the back of your mind, smile carefully in place as you nod along with someone’s conversation. You don’t know who they are - their face feels familiar, but the list of remembered names in your mind is very small.
You stare at their cracked lips, trying to commit their words to memory. You wonder if they had ever used chapstick, and just as that thought bubbled to the surface, time slipped sideways. You awake from your dream to find seconds have passed, countless words lost in the haze of existing and you look up at the person speaking.
“I’m sorry,” you say, with that careful smile painted delicately across your face, “Could you repeat that?”
They do, but the words slide like quicksilver in and out of your ears, darting just long enough to hear, but not long enough to understand. You blink, trying to remember, but that moment is gone as if it had never happened. They are already talking about something else, addressing you by name, but their own name remains lost.
Conversations flow like a river around you, snatches of meaning caught here and there, but holding onto conversations is like trying to dam a stream with a bucket. You learn to scoop down as quickly as you can, snatching just enough context to divine meaning.

Is this the way things have always been?
The light bulb needs to be changed.
There are two bulbs, one broken, one not. The room is dim, but not so dim that it is untreadable. You see the light bulb, and it registers as something that Needs To Be Done. You look down to the warm mug in your hands, and consider that to change the bulb, you need to have your hands free.
And the thought is gone, the significance of room dimness lost as your thoughts fizz like static to wrap around the mug’s heat. You find the mug the next day, left on the corner of your desk, drained of coffee. The room’s dimness is remembered, but you should take care of that mug first, right? It could mold.
By the time you place the mug in the sink, your thoughts are already occupied by dish soaps and lipid breakdowns, and the bulb lies forgotten, nestled dead against the ceiling. 

One morning, neither bulb turns on, and you navigate the kitchen by the light of your cell phone before work.
That night, you use your cell phone again, because you’ve forgotten where the bulbs are, and need to get gas to get to the store.
The next night and the night after that, you ate early enough in the day that light bulbs weren’t needed, so the deadness never registered as a problem.
At the end of the week, your hunger draws you to the kitchen late in the evening, but it’s too late in the day to go to the store - they won’t be open.
When the problem of the bulb is not in front of you - is not making an active nuisance of itself, it’s like it doesn’t even exist.  
Nothing in this world exists, when it’s not in front of you. 

Is this the way things have always been?
“You’re so good at traveling!” your coworker said, “Aren’t you homesick?”
Belatedly, you realize that you’ve been away from home for a week and a half. Each day seems like an individual lifetime. They flow back-to-back never quite related, for all their similarities.
Like picking up a new novel every morning, each set of problems is unique to that situation.
Like picking up a new novel every morning, the previous book’s worries shed like water. They’re not here anymore, so they don’t matter.
“Do your parents know you’re in California?”
No, you think to yourself, I haven’t talked to them in months.
It’s not any malice or dislike that stops you from calling, and that’s what frightens you, a little.
You’d be happy talking to them, but you just…. Forgot.
Like all things, when they aren’t in front of you:
They just don’t seem to exist. 

Is this the way things have always been? 

“You know I was only joking!”
I didn’t, you think to yourself, forcing a titter of agreeable laughter.
Every word, unless emphasized deeply with emotive gestures and tonal changes, seems genuine. Flat-faced delivery of falsehoods always rings true to your ears. It takes effort to remember to parse out people’s wording - their delivery - and compare it against their previously stated opinions and choices.
It takes effort to remember to analyze again and again and again and again, until every conversation is a minefield of potential missteps, drawing close a handful of responses that could be interpreted a hundred different ways. At least with those, you can play along.
“How come you’re being so quiet?”
It’s exhausting to dance the dance of smalltalk, when your feet just seem unable to develop that muscle memory. So every conversation becomes mechanical, automatic, words filtering through keyword searches and tonal registers to find the ‘correct’ response that is both situationally appropriate, not emotionally hurtful, and hopefully accurate enough not to elicit guilt.
Like all automations, It doesn’t always work.
Like all machines, it doesn’t feel real.
The people of the world seem like a thousand NPCs, all demanding answers from an endless multiple-choice list of dialogue options. Humans become something like obsticals, and conversations like challenges, fights waged with memorized expressions and rote responses. You become accustomed to spitting back wisdom from books and television shows written by actual people, in the hopes that their words can make your forced empathy seem real.
None of it feels real. 

Is this the way things have always been?
“Do you have a crush on anyone?”
Should I?
Sexual and Romantic relationships burn brightly, all-consuming while they last. Obsessive is a word fit for the hungry hoarding of dragons, and the vicious consuming of ghosts.
It is an accurate adjective for your heart.
While things are here they are all that exist.
While things are elsewhere they may as well have never existed at all.
It applies to tasks,
To objects,
To people,
To relationships.
To your own emotions. 

Existence itself remains a fleeting experience of not-quite-real spaces. Each moment feeling the most important thing you’ve ever done, yet once that moment passed it leaves only the briefest of marks on your heart or memory. Often the memory slides away completely, leaving nothing but the memories of others, and whatever few pictures were taken.
Your self exists eternally on the outskirts of other peoples lives, recollection of what you’re like always reminded by pictures and stories told by friends. That perfect, careful smile painted delicately across your face slips to neutrality when alone.
You simply consume the world, experience it, and let it go again.
An eternal catch-and-release, where there is no fish more important than the one caught in your gaze NOW.

 Is this the way things have always been? 

Yes. 

And will always be. 

Your mind is a Liminal Space, and the world around you can only briefly visit. 

Underrated Films

(you should totally see)

  1. Never Let Me Go (2010) (Carey Mulligan, Andrew Garfield, Keira Knightley)
  2. The Perfect Score (2004) (Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Bryan Greenberg, Erika Christensen)
  3. Just Friends (2005) (Ryan Reynolds, Anna Ferris) (Hysterical)
  4. Grind (2003) (Adam Brody, Jennifer Morrison, Mike Vogel)
  5. Sweet Home Alabama (2002) (Funny as hell and super sweet)
  6. Drive Me Crazy (1999)
  7. She’s the Man (2006)
  8. Chasing Liberty (2004) (Mandy Moore, Matthew Goode, and Europe)
  9. The Skulls (2000) (Joshua Jackson and Paul Walker)
  10. About Time (2013) (Rachel McAdam, Domhall Gleeson)
  11. Orange County (2002) (Jack Black and Colin Hanks)
  12. Alpha Dog (2006) (True Story, chilling, brutal)
  13. Wicker Park (2004) (great thriller)
  14. Stay Alive (2006) (Sophia Bush and a scary ass but good mystery horror)
  15. LOL (2012) (I know it’s Miley but the story is good)
  16. Naomi and Ely’s No Kiss List (2015)
  17. What A Girl Wants (2003) (Some of Amanda Bynes best and sweetest)
  18. How To Deal (2003) (Mandy Moore, deep, and real)
  19. In Your Eyes (2014) (romance, thriller, telepathy)
  20. Project X (2012) (one of the most epic movie parties ever)

anonymous asked:

What's one of the carziest, but most fun, things you've ever done?

Ok, here’s the story of the first (and only) true prank I’ve ever pulled on anyone.


When I was 7, I really, really, really didn’t get along with my middle sister (she was 11). I hated her, actually. She played the Miss Perfect role when my parents were around and she was the greatest bitch ever to me when we were alone.
One day, we got into a fight that went so far that she threatened to throw my plushie out of a window (it was a big deal for me, I was a kid).

Of course, I told her I would tell the parents about this if she went all the way with her threat so she backed down. But I knew. I knew this lil bitch would have thrown my plushie away.

So of course, OF COURSE, I needed to get revenge.

So I waited for her to get out of her room and try to watch the French equivalent of American Idol and I went into her room.
What. could I. possibly. steal from her? Something valuable, but not too much, something she couldn’t live without though. Something no one would think I would steal.


I stole her mattress.

Now, I don’t know if you know about this, but I’m short. Really short. And at the time, I was even shorter. Super short.
And I weighted, what, 50lb tops? I was just a little shrimp.

Only fuelled by resentment and loathing towards my sister, I lifted her huge mattress. It weighted more than me. I didn’t care. I dragged it across the house until finally I got the idea to hide it in the basement, in a little room no one ever went to.

Innocent like an angel, I got back to my room and waited.

No more than 10 minutes later, I hear my sister scream “WHERE IS MY BED”, and then a few seconds later “ADRIEN”. Everything was going just as planned.

I got out of my room and innocently asked her “What is it, @?”
“My mattress is missing, and I know you’re responsible for this!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Pissed off, she went to see my parents.
“ADRIEN STOLE MY MATTRESS!”
They laughed her off.
“I’M SERIOUS, MY BED IS MISSING AND HE’S THE ONE WHO DID IT!”

My father, completely exasperated because he was trying to focus on our American Idol show, finally decided to check her room.
Indeed, the bed was missing.
“See? Adrien took it!
- Oh, don’t be silly, @, look at him, he’s too little to lift that huge thing. Stop accusing him”

At the same moment, I was behind my dad, sticking out my tongue to my sister. She was losing her mind.

My dad went to get my mother so she could as well note that my sister’s mattress was missing.
“Maybe a thief really did steal it?
-Don’t be absurd, who would steal a mattress? Plus, this is the second floor. No one can get here anyway else than by the stairs.”

I was gloating. As my parents were debating of the supposed fate of the mattress, my sister desperately wanted to sleep and she knew I stole her mattress. She couldn’t do anything about it. Eventually, she ended up sleeping in a sleeping bag, on the floor of her room. I couldn’t be happier.

The day after that, my mother suggested we look in the house to find the mattress if it was still here.

But no one suspected me.

So, in the middle of the next night, I went down to the basement, lifted the mattress again and dragged it to our court, where there was a lot of building stuff. In a dark corner, I hid the mattress under a blue tarpaulin where we had put things under before.

They looked for the mattress for 3 days then gave up and bought a new one 3 other days later. My sister hated me more than ever. I was a tiny evil genius.


They found the mattress 4 months later, and it was full of mould. I was never suspected and my sister got grounded for not taking care of her things.

|| needy ||

{summary: i’ve never been so needy before in my life.}

A lot of readers want more fuckboi!peter parker, so here’s || absolutely || written in his pov 👅👅👅

im also gonna put this out there but cartel’s [[the perfect mistake]] is fuckboi!peter parker’s theme song ♡

tags [permanent + peter parker]: @ghostedwolf , @fandom-flash , @babeychocolatemai , @animexchocolate, @psychicwitchphilosopher , @pharaohkiller , @moonlight53 , @literatureandimmature, @daydr3ams-away, @wannabe-weasley , @mcusebstan , @tmrhollandkay , @pepcvina , @nekonerdxox , @lokigirl18 , @fangeekkk , @kylielo22 , @wavy-ley , @lghockey , @buckysendoftheline , @1022bridgetp , @potterjamesharry

**please don’t repost/plagiarize this story. Reblogs are fine**

warnings: mentions of sexual content, explicit language & attempts at an attack

——

Despite everything that’s being said about me (even if most of them are true), I genuinely did love Liz Allan, and she was honestly the first one I have ever been intimate with.

I met her on the academic decathlon team and recall joining it solely for the purpose of getting closer her, the team’s captain. I was in love with the waves of her dark hair and constantly imagined what her smooth, mocha skin would taste like against my lips.

When we started dating, it was like a dream come for me.

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2

Hate to Love - Larry Stylinson Fic Rec

Saved Tonightobjectlesson (30.8k)

Harry is the world’s most persistent seduction-baker, a questionable dog-sitter, and Louis’s biggest fan. Louis hasn’t written in years, is trying to pass loneliness off as cynicism, and absolutely hates his fans. It’s probably destiny.

After HoursVelvetoscar (26.7k)

Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson are the bane of each other’s existences. Unfortunately, they’re already in love–even if they aren’t completely aware of this minor detail.

[A “You’ve Got Mail” AU]

Every story ever toldRearviewdreamer (54.4k)

Becoming a best-selling author isn’t as difficult as Louis would have guessed. It seems all you need these days is the perfect blend of alcohol induced philosophy, complete disregard for one’s dignity, a live blog about how fucked love is, and a bored publisher interested enough to offer him a deal.

Empty Gold rainbow_kings (148k)

AU where Louis Tomlinson attends the vigorous, demanding performing arts school: Guildhall in hopes to complete his theatre degree. He is a scholarship student, always having to work twice as hard to prove his worth which has caused him to feel resentment and anger towards his subordinate position.

Harry Styles is the wealthy, naturally gifted actor who effortlessly snatches all the main roles within the class. The complete contrast to everything Louis is.

Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles have had bad blood and despised each other for the two years they attended Guildhall together, making each task a competition between each other.

In the final year, when Guildhall produces and performs an original play, Louis is heartbroken to learn the lead role has been been received to Harry and he’s the second role. He’s mostly terrified, however, when he realises he has to date Harry in the play as their characters. They come together through awkward stage kisses that transforms to hate sex, heated arguments, rehearsal times after lectures and baking carrot cake together.

Libertélarriebane (18k)

AU. 1647. “Pretending you don’t have a heart is not the best way to not get it broken. It’s just the easiest.”

Or the pirate AU I always wanted to write

I love your demons (like devil’s can)ariadne_odair (60k)

“I am right here,” she says loudly, and she can almost hear the crack when Louis’ head whips around to stare at her.

Why?” Louis asks, and Harry feels her insides shrivel up and die.

Harry didn’t plan to join the football team. She didn’t plan to sleep with the captain of the football team. She definitely didn’t plan to sleep with the closeted captain of the football team, who promptly acted as if nothing happened and left Harry a pathetic, pining mess.

Lips speak louderbravefortheboys (29k)

Pool water dyed blue, a deep hatred for R.E.M., shorts catching on fire, a karaoke night that somehow changes everything, an angering lack of proper communication—oh, and what’s camp without a bit of rivalry?

(AU in which Louis is a summer camp counselor along with a few other less-than-qualified people just trying to make it through the next four weeks in one piece. The curly-headed bloke from the camp sharing the campsite with them surely won’t let that happen)

That good girl faith (and a tight little skirt)ariadne_odair (43.7k)

“What the fuck did you do to my shampoo?” Harry shouts, brandishing the offending bottle like it’s a vial of poison. “Is this fucking mud? Did you honestly replace my shampoo with mud?”

“Not just your shampoo,” Louis says calmly, then cracks up when Harry visibly pales.

Harry and Louis are camp counsellors. They hate each other. The amount of sex they have in the camp showers probably contradicts that.

Attic notes, post-bomb blast:

Hi, everyone. Yeesh.

We’ve been through it, huh? I’ve missed you. I think we’ve all missed each other.

Despite the difficulty we’ve had these past few months—and despite my sudden and untimely disappearance (sorry… where tf did the time go?)—the Johnlock conspirators remain the most dedicated, passionate, interesting, smart, diverse, and brave group of individuals I have ever encountered, and never would have encountered without the power of the internet. We live in a terrible, horrifying, dystopian future, but it is also beautiful, because we have the technology to connect to each other and come together to share, think, and create… like this.

When wondering how the Sherlock fandom could lead me to such a perfect storm of people who understood how I related the world, it wasn’t difficult to figure out why. Sherlock is a story of an intelligent, isolated outcast whose heart wants to help individuals out of compassion for their lives, despite his social ineptitude. He is a character with his own sense of justice, a disregard for public opinion, and a love for his work that protects him from the vulnerability of opening up to others. We are, after all, what we eat. And the message that unites everyone in TJLC is not that Johnlock was going to happen in series four, but that love is the center of the story. Love will conquer all.

And they do mean ALL.

At the BFI & Radio Times Television Festival on April 9th, Mark Gatiss said of the fourth series, “The only heretical thing is modernizing it, the rest we try to go along with the stories.”

We all know how they really feel about these stories. So what is he talking about?

The closet.

Series four is inconsistent, confusing, jarring, illogical, contradictory, genre-reliant, chock full of lies, and timeline-fucked because so is canon. To create an entirely faithful adaptation, Watson’s unreliable frame narration, which serves to obfuscate his relationship with Holmes, (and as Moff often brings up in regards to HLV, to protect the liberty of a guilty party) must be faithfully adapted, too. In doing so, Sherlock itself becomes a thesis on the true nature of canon that, let’s face it, currently doesn’t exist outside of our oft-ignored echo chamber. And our compulsory-hetero society is such that Mark and Moff have the opportunity to play out the exact same social masquerade ACD played all over again, but finally, finally, with a groundbreaking rug pull that ensures Sherlock Holmes goes down in history as a gay icon, always has been always will be, make no mistake.

As much as Sherlock is a love story about a kiss that will leave all others behind, its supervillain-sized obstacles represent the supersized figures that have stood against the homosexuality of Sherlock Holmes for over a century: CAM (Mass media and surveillance), Mary (heteronormativity), Mycroft (The British Government), Moriarty (Cultural anxieties that gay love is dark/salacious/perverse). M, The Black Lotus, and The Spider signify the different ways in which they interconnect… and there’s much more to say on this subject. But let’s get some of the water out of this living room.

We were wrong. That’s it! We were wrong. I have issues with how series four was handled, and am infuriated by some of the choices that have been made. But in the end, part of the reason why the devastation was so devastating was that we weren’t prepared to be wrong. Not even wrong about the conspiracy! Just about January! This show takes too! Fucking! Long! To air!

Come to think of it, that probably should have been one of our central tenets:

  1. They lie.
  2. The show is gay.
  3. Sherlock has been imprisoned for 100 fucking years and this has been planned for 7 so shut the fuck up because all hope and suffering are relative when you simply surrender to the relentless march of time and the cruel indifference of the universe.

Series four was way, way, lower caliber than what we’re used to from the show we love. But our reading of the narrative still makes sense. I don’t care what anybody says—it does! It makes perfect sense! It makes better sense than the mess casual viewers just swallow like warm paste—like so much other television these days! TJLC is a community full of active viewers, who are able to really see what’s happening on screen, what it means, and pick it apart. We’re attuned to picking up these messages and are practiced at it. Though we definitely honed our skills with our elephant glasses, the ability to look at media with a critical eye and understand what is being said to us is more important than ever in the digital age.

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anonymous asked:

letterboxd is asking its community for their lists of most remarkable feature debuts. so what is your top 10 most remarkable debuts from women directors?

SUPER FUN QUESTION.

Also I feel like I could give like 10 answers from last year alone but I’ll try to contain myself. (J/K I CAN’T CONTAIN MYSELF, GET READY FOR THE NOVEL!)

Clip dir. Maja Milos (2012)
Imagine a more brutal version of Thirteen set in the social media era in Serbia and you have Clip, a brutal movie about a 14 year old girl who engages in a highly sexualized and often violent relationship with one of her classmates. It’s a shocking watch especially because Milos doesn’t try to protect her lead character (played by an actual 14 year old) at all and doesn’t shield her (or the audience) from the sado-masochistic behaviour she engages in in order to get attention and feel love.

My Brilliant Career dir. Gillian Armstrong (1979)
So this is like the stereotypical period piece about a plucky young woman discovering herself only it’s SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT. A really beautiful and quietly subversive period piece that is so visually stunning and self-assured that it doesn’t feel like a first film at all. A must see.

Titus dir. Julie Taymor (1999)
When people say that a movie is like a theatre piece they usually mean it as an insult but Titus applies the “anything goes” spirit of theatre in the most fun and flamboyant way. This is a really bombastic, unforgettable visual adaptation of one of Shakespeare’s lesser known plays. Taymor mixes genres, time periods and references in a way that is intensely fresh and unique.  

Fill the Void dir. Rama Burshstein (2012)
This is a romantic drama about a young Israeli woman who is part of an Orthodox Jewish community who, after her sister dies, is prompted to consider marrying her sister’s widower so that he can remain in the family. Despite the icky sounding premise Burshtein (herself an Orthodox Jew) is intensely sympathetic to her characters and shows a total command of her camera and the tone of the movie which is just beautiful, passionate and romantic.

The Connection dir. Shirley Clarke (1961)
This is a bit of a cheat because Shirley Clarke had directed documentaries before but whatever. The Connection takes place in real time and is about a very square documentarian who is filming a movie about a bunch of jazz musicians waiting around for their drug connection so they can get high. It definitely feels very tame for the current day but considering the film takes place in a single room Clarke packs the movie full of electric energy that makes it incredibly pleasurable to watch.

The Fits dir. Anna Rose Holmer (2015)
This is just an incredible majestic film. Very spare, very artistic, very beautiful. Holmer is a genius and the movie is a gift. She does more on a budget of 150, 000 euros or whatever it was, than most directors do with millions.

Songs My Brothers Taught Me dir. Chloé Zhao (2015)
There is a whole cottage industry of low budget filmmakers who think they can be the next Malick, but I think Zhao is the only one who really gets it right. This film is set in on the Pine Ridge reservation and Zhao shoots everything at the golden hour making it look incredibly lush while never shying away from the roughness and occasional boredom of small town life.

The Governess dir. Sandra Goldbacher (1998)
I have literally no idea why this film isn’t bigger than it is and it’s really due for a critical revival. It’s a neo-victorian original tale about a young Sephardic Jewish woman who hides her identity and goes to work as a governess on the Isle of Skye. Unfortunately the only copies I’ve been able to view are of very poor quality but you can still see how beautiful it must have originally been. Also the story is incredibly rich and textured and deals with power dynamics between men and women, Jews and gentiles, science vs. art etc.  

The Babadook dir. Jennifer Kent (2014)
This is a horror movie for people who aren’t really into horror and as such it’s PERFECT. What it really is more than anything is a dark modern day fairy tale about a recently widowed woman who is having a tough time adjusting to life as a single mother to her child who is genuinely the most annoying child to ever grace the screen (really, kudos to casting, you completely understand why this woman would struggle to raise this kid).

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night dir. Ana Lily Amirpour (2014)
So good. A surprisingly wistful and romantic vampire film in which “the girl” (the vampire) skateboards in a chador, dances alone in her room, befriends a cat, and drinks the blood of a LOT of people. It’s great.

Honourable mentions: La Pointe Courte, Children of a Lesser God, The Edge of Seventeen, Sugar Cane Alley, Smithereens, Eve’s Bayou, I Like It Like That, Hester Street, A New Leaf, Chocolat.

  • me: you cannot convince me that Story of Tonight is not the most beautiful song ever
  • me again: Dear Theodosia is the most beautiful song ever known to mankind
  • still me: Best of Wives Best of Women is the definition of sheer musical perfection
  • me: Burn is the most gorgeous heart-wrenching song ever made
  • me again: I will fight anyone who tells me that Blow us All away and Stay Alive reprise are not the most amazingly heart-wrenching songs ever thought of
  • it is still me: The pain of Quiet Uptown knocks me out it blows me away I can't imagine anything being more tear-jerking than this
  • still me: Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story is the most sole moving piece ever created and you cannot tell me otherwise
  • me: you cannot show me a song that is more fun and awesome than Satisfied
  • still me; there is no song that is more fun to sing than Helpless
  • Me again: there is no song more great than Reynolds Pamphlet
  • Still me: you cannot actually get any better than obedient servant
  • its me again: no song can ever be better than Room Where it Happens
  • me: you just can't top the election of 1800
  • me again: no song can ever be more hype and awesome than my shot
  • my final verdict: you cannot tell me that listening to the Hamilton Soundtrack is not the most roller coaster ride of amazingness and feelings and that it doesn't destroy my heart and make me cry and so happy all at the same time
Samurai Jack: The Case for Mature Western Animation

When critics talk about the must-see television events happening so far this year, shows like Better Call Saul, American Gods, and The Handmaiden’s Tale are often brought up. This is, of course, for good reason: each of those shows are well-crafted, hard-hitting, and intelligent stories told by visionary showrunners in wholly unique ways.

We need to start including Samurai Jack on that list.

Genndy Tartakovsky has always been a cinematic animator. His original run on Samurai Jack nearly two decades ago nearly revolutionized how children’s action cartoons could be portrayed, with his careful and brilliant use of silence and color. He would continue this artistry with his tragically-underrated science-fiction epic, Sym-Bionic Titan (hey, Toonami, how about asking for a second season of that show next, huh?).

When Samurai Jack returned this year, Tartakovsky knew that his audience was going to have grown with the character. He knew that [adult swim] would’ve allowed him to use as much profanity, gore, and sexual innuendos as your average Family Guy episode, and a lesser showrunner would’ve run with that opportunity. Instead, Tartakovsky opted to tell a more mature story in the literal sense of the word. This meant more reflection, more spiritual and emotional symbolism, more grounded stakes, and a more hardened Jack. Indeed, this is what makes a majority of the season so fascinating to watch.

During the original series on Cartoon Network, our hero was a calm, silent, confident warrior on a mission. Despite being a stranger in a strange land, he always kept his wits about him. Rarely did he lose. Watching the show as kids, we just knew that he was going to eventually make it back to the past to stop Aku.

In season five, we’re not so certain anymore. Jack is now more of a ronin, wandering the apocalyptic wasteland of Aku’s future looking for lives to save. It’s become so routine that he’s almost forgotten why he does it anymore. His mind is corrupted by vicious thoughts that constantly bombard him with self-doubt. He suffers from hallucinations of his family and loved ones suffering in the past without him. All the while, he’s being followed by the spirit of death, who is patiently waiting for Jack’s seemingly-inevitable suicide. Even with the introduction of comedic characters like Scaramouche, we’re shown immediately just how much darker this world had become.

That threat grows worse with the introduction of the Daughters of Aku, seven warriors bred specifically to kill Jack. In my opinion, the episodes surrounding their hunt and the subsequent battles were the highlight of the season, showcasing Tartakovsky’s storytelling nuances at their brightest. The action is as swift and dazzling as ever, and the use of dramatic lighting and suspenseful music is downright ingenious. Balancing the hard-hitting violence with the somber moments of fear and reflection make the battles between Jack and the Daughters some of the best directed scenes not simply in recent animated history, but in television history as a whole.

After a poignant childhood flashback of his father reluctantly slaying an army of foes, Jack comes to terms with the fact that he sometimes needs to shed human blood, despite having never done such a thing before. He slays six of the seven Daughters of Aku in a beautiful snow-covered forest (again showing us how much Tartakovsky and his team love playing with color), sparing only one of their lives. This is when we meet Ashi, who becomes the driving force of the entire season.

I was legitimately impressed with how the show handled Ashi’s transformation from brainwashed killing machine to Jack’s partner in good. Within the span of two incredibly-paced episodes, we saw her slowly peel away the layers of both who she and the “evil” samurai were. Contrasting the unforgiving violence of her upbringing to the gentleness of her former enemy causes her to question everything she knew, and interacting with Jack’s old friends from the original series solidified her stance on the matter: Jack, despite everything she knew, was a hero.

(Just an aside, seeing Ashi break lose and dance at the Rave with a big smile on her face was one of the happiest damn moments of the season for me)

A lot of people were unsure of how to interpret Ashi. I know a lot of people felt she was very sexualized throughout the series, and I felt there was a definitive lack of understanding when it came time for the character to “wash herself clean” of Aku’s influence (does it matter if she was technically naked the whole time? Can’t we just accept physical metaphors and move on?). Some didn’t like that she had to save Jack on multiple occasions, while some didn’t like the fact that she, herself, had to be saved on multiple occasions. I feel as if those people were simply looking for something to complain about, because I legitimately found Ashi to be a great character.

The episode in which she needed to take down an entire army sent to kill Jack while he was meditating his anger away and acquiring his sword is an all-timer, and probably the most Tartakovsky-esque of the season. The action sequences are as brutal as they had ever been, with bright Tarantino-styled blood spilling over the battlefield; Meanwhile, Jack’s spiritual quest for inner-peace is filled with as much stillness and restraint as the creative staff could muster. Truly the last perfect episode of the season.

I felt as if every idea and story beat Tartakovsky had planned ended up in the season in some capacity, though I felt that the pacing was forced to grow a bit rushed as the season wrapped up. The best – and most unfortunate – example of this is the finale itself.

It’s exactly how we all secretly wanted the show to end: Jack is seemingly defeated, and Aku can’t help but gloat to everyone on the planet. Right as a possessed Ashi is about to deliver the fatal blow, all of Jack’s allies rally together for a full assault on Aku’s castle (what else could’ve possibly connected all of these strange characters than the capture of their legendary savior?). Jack breaks free and assists Ashi in overcoming Aku’s demonic grasp. Upon learning that she possesses all of Aku’s abilities, she’s the one who opens up a new portal in time, allowing Jack to go back to the past and finally defeat Aku.

(In what was easily my favorite part of the finale, Jack and Ashi appear almost immediately after his original self was sent back, leaving Aku flustered, baffled, ill-prepared, and horrified. “You’re back already?!” he spits out. Jack conquers his foe easily, and while some found the final battle anti-climactic, I felt it was perfect.)

Afterwards, Jack finally returns home, Ashi by his side. A wedding is arranged immediately, and they’re ready to spend the rest of their lives together. In a dark twist that those of us familiar with time travel almost saw coming, however, Ashi disappears from existence in Jack’s arms, having never been born due to Aku never taking over the future. Jack, bitterly alone, retreats to the forest, where a ladybug (a beautiful callback to Ashi’s character arc) allows him to see the promise of what’s to come.

It all sounds so perfect. Unfortunately, everything emotional that happened in this episode had to be squeezed into the last ten minutes. This maybe could’ve worked if Tartakovsky hadn’t perfectly spaced out Jack’s inner turmoil at the beginning of the season. After such perfect reflection, I wanted to see more emotion from these last few moments. There was a lot Jack needed to react to, from all of his friends coming together to fight Aku, to Ashi finally defeating and channeling the darkness within her, to the unadulterated and enormous impact of finally returning to the past! Jack had spent over fifty years trying to get there, and we didn’t even get to see an emotional reunion with his family. That just didn’t feel right to me.

Then there’s Ashi’s disappearance. She didn’t die, she was erased from existence. After struggling with his inner demons throughout the first half of the season, I wanted to see Jack mentally and emotionally try and cope with that. After all, it wasn’t simply Ashi who vanished; it was all of his friends and allies whose lives he had touched throughout his decades in the future. All of them were gone, a curse that inevitable if Jack were to complete his mission. There is pain, horror, and guilt bursting at the seams with such an ending. We could’ve had an entire half hour dedicated to Jack accepting what he had done. It’s such a bitter, dark, and beautiful ending emotionally, and I felt the writing staff wasn’t given the time to appropriately explore it.

Still, all of the ideas were there, and Genndy ended the show on his own terms creatively. He still provided us with nine-and-a-half perfect episodes that broke the boundaries of what Western animation was capable of. It practiced restraint and patience when other action cartoons insist on doing the complete opposite. It gave us a hero plagued with inner-darkness and mental illness on a journey of self-purpose. It gave us a character with a redemption arc we never saw coming and rooted for until her tragic end. And – for me, anyway – it gave me hope for animation as a medium, that more audiences will look at this sweeping epic of a story and think “I want more.”

The Signs In Every Relationship.

When Pisces and Pisces get together they are bound to drive each other into a rehab and/or an insane asylum. Both will eventually experience liver failure as a result of alcohol addiction.

Aquarius and Pisces together is unsuccessful. Aquarius gets outraged when Pisces mistakes an experimental liquid for scotch. Pisces becomes an amoeba. Aquarius hides the evidence.

Aquarius and Aquarius will both become nostalgic together remembering their young days on planet Floorp, where their brilliant ideas were shared and individuality was appreciated. True Love.

Capricorn has no patience for Pisces who repeatedly tries to spend the couple’s fortune on their own drug problem. Capricorn eventually tries to profit off Pisces’s drug supply. It doesn’t work.

Capricorn and Aquarius is a give and take relationship. Cap will use the experiments Aqua is conducting to make a fortune. Aquarius is paid off in stylish jackets!

Capricorn and Capricorn is not a trusting partnership. They both hide money and Twinkies from each other. They only talk about the weather and golf.

Not surprisingly, Sagittarius loves drinking just as much as Pisces! But Sag has no time for Pisces sob stories. The two typically meet at a bar, prison, or brothel.

Sagittarius and Aquarius are the PERFECT couple. Sag has no attention span and Aquarius doesn’t care. Both will eventually forget they are dating.

Sagittarius and Capricorn never ends pretty. Sagittarius manages to break all of Cap’s fine china while roller skating in the foyer. Needless to say, Sag is executed immediately.

Sagittarius and Sagittarius makes the clumsiest and most reckless zodiac pair ever to be known to man. Together they will burn down their cardboard house doing lighter-fart tricks.

Scorpio loves to easily manipulate and easily control someone. Scorpio also loves cool ranch Doritos but they’ll never tell you. Pisces is no fool though. Pisces knows all and Pisces sees all; Pisces just doesn’t care.

Scorpio will never understand Aquarius and Aquarius will never understand humans. After two failed attempts to bug the lab Scorpio gives up all together.

Scorpio and Capricorn are like two mob men that accidentally fell in love. They are both controlling evil freaks. Not nice neighbors.

Scorpio has a hard time keeping track of Sagittarius. That is ONLY because every time it rains Sag has to find a new box to live in. Talk about impossible.

Scorpio and Scorpio are the real life Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Both are the devil and both have fun slitting each others throats.

Libra supports Pisces’s drinking habits and doesn’t care if their breath smells like Georgie. Neither own a toothbrush or socks.

Libra and Aquarius are equally weird and equally dirty. Libra lets Aquarius stick test tubes and thermometers up their butt. Quite the happy couple.

Libra is typically a serf in Capricorn’s kingdom. Capricorn likes Libra because Libra doesn’t know what money is. Everyone goes home happy!

Libra loves Sagittarius’s spacious apartment which actually happens to be an old dumpster. Sag doesn’t mind Libras guitar playing while on drugs.

Libra is too peaceful for angry Scorpio who finds nothing to control. Scorpio forces Libra to take a bath. Libra farts and says “Namaste”.

Libra and Libra typically meet at an orgy or through a mutual lover. They enjoy reading Dr. Seuss and braiding each others back hair at tea.

Opposites attract: Virgo will constantly be cleaning up Pisces’s vomit, tears, and empty bottles. Pisces gets kicked out on day six.

Virgo meets Aquarius’s alien relatives and makes a negative remark about their green skin. They never come over, nor are invited, for lasagna again.

Virgo and Capricorn are immensely compatible! There’s love but manipulative Virgo’s time is mostly spent taking money from Capricorn’s off shore accounts to spend on a fondue machine. Luckily for Virgo, this goes unnoticed.

Virgo and Sagittarius is the least compatible pair in all of astrological history. Sag eats, drinks, and dirties everything they touch. Virgo cries.

Virgo will polish all of Scorpio’s weapons that they have hidden in their secret armory. Works for a while… then Scorpio “accidentally” kills Virgo.

Virgo cannot possibly live with the laid back and gentle Libra. Virg will literally die of a heart attack when they see all the dirty q tips and expired milk.

Together, Virgo and Virgo create the most annoying couple you will ever meet. Most annoying sign of the zodiac x2. No one comes to their Tupperware parties.

Leo and Pisces… turn back now! Pisces is a miserable alcoholic who pays more attention to their liquor funds than Leos latest up-do.

Opposites attract: Leo needs to be the center of attention. Aquarius pays no attention to anyone. Leo does the Macarena in Aquarius’s lab. Leo: 1 Aquarius: 0.

Leo wants Capricorn to spend a fortune on them but all of Capricorn’s money is tucked away on a small island off the coast of Bermuda. No deal hoe.

Leo and Sagittarius is “zodiacs biggest diva meets zodiacs biggest douche bag”. It works! Leo will simply have to get used to the rats and Sag’s beer breath.

Leo and Scorpio makes a horrible zodiac match. Scorpio tries to make Leo wear a Burka and convert to Islam. Leo is too busy bedazzling a beret.

Leo tries to boss Libra around but Libra does not listen. This isn’t because they’re rebellious; it’s because they have years worth of earwax.

Leo dislikes Virgo because they can’t be the boss. Virgo hates pulling out hairs from the hairbrush. Leo hates Mistolin. Failed romance.

Leo and Leo will live extravagantly in a customized house full of mirrors. But they will always fight over the hair brush and who gets the last Rice Krispie treat.

Cancer thinks they can fix Pisces with some TLC (tender, love, and care). Pisces repays cancer with a box full of donuts and cardiac arrest.

Cancer accidentally washes Aquarius’s beakers and puts them with the glassware. Aquarius eats Cancer.

Opposites attract: Cancer is usually Capricorn’s maid or butler in their giant mansion. This is usually an affair. Ends with a $20 check.

Cancer needs a loving home which Sagittarius cannot provide because their home is the inside of a porta-potty. Cancer walks away gratefully.

Cancer and Scorpio are a perfect match because Scorpio needs total control and Cancer allows. Cancer gives Scorpio their debit pin on the second date.

Cancer is constantly cleaning up after Libra. But Libra pays Cancer back in horrible singing and Buddhist advice so it all works out!

Cancer and Virgo take turns in the kitchen. They also take turns at being bitches. Most successful gay males have Cancer-Virgo parents.

Cancer has to spread rose Petals on the ground before Leo as they walk. Cancer is treated like Dobby from Harry Potter.

Cancer and Cancer will hold each other wearing nothing but aprons and watch Titanic on repeat until their tear ducts have run dry. OTP.

Wickedly compatible: Gemini is Pisces drug dealer. They pour Henny (famous liquor) on each others privates and usually bring animals into the bedroom. Ends in hepatitis.

Gemini and Aquarius count cards in casinos, become rich, then buy a mansion in Punta Cana. Gemini turns up missing several days later. Diggin’ that commitment, Gem.

Gemini and Capricorn meet while Gemini is robbing Capricorns safe. Gemini is not afraid to have sex for jewels.

Opposites attract: Gemini and Sagittarius are married for years and they don’t remember each others names nor birthdays. They live in a trash can. Harmonious.

Gemini and Scorpio attempt to play a game of “how-to-ruin-lives”. Scorpio is possessive and Gemini cannot be possessed. Literal shackles and chains.

Gemini and Libra is “Brooklyn hippie meets heights garbage”. Gemini’s boys will start to wonder when Gem started wearing fedoras.

Gemini and Virgo together is literally like when a Dominican guy is dating his mother. She tries to clean his Jordan’s with Lisol, so he pees in the hamper. Destruction.

Gemini only dates Leo because they want to get in on all the twitter followers Leo has. The relationship is a fraud. Haven’t even held hands.

Gemini comes home to Cancer once every three weeks to tell more lies and to shower. Cancer makes mangu and cries on it for good luck for Gems drug sales.

Gemini and Gemini is your classic L.A. hood couple that gets into fist fights at parties, leaves their baby with a stranger, then goes to shop at Forever 21.

Taurus and Pisces are the kings of gluttony. Endless chicken and ribs topped off with Everclear. They vomit on each other to express their love.

Taurus will never discover the “secret” lab Aquarius has in the garage because they don’t leave the couch. Harmony… until Taurus wakes up with three eyes and the ability to live without eating.

Taurus and Capricorn aka two of the most selfish and boring zodiac signs. Taurus becomes restless because Capricorn only invests in stocks not Gucci bags.

Doomed from the start: Taurus and Sagittarius will never work out. Taurus never leaves home and Sagittarius is homeless. They only meet by chance at late night drive-throughs.

Opposites attract: Taurus is greedy and Scorpio is evil. This relationship consists of systematic homicides and jewel thievery.

Taurus and Libra are both ruled by Venus. This means they are both beautiful but lazy fuckin’ assholes. To sum it up: Libra doesn’t bathe and Taurus doesn’t notice.

Taurus and Virgo are two very similar individuals! Virgo will watch how Taurus spends money and how Taurus eats, like a hawk. Taurus will criticize cooking. End result: Bloodshed.

Taurus and Leo could work out if they stopped spending all the money on fancy shit they can’t afford and stopped fighting over swag and cream puffs.

Taurus and Cancer is a match made in heaven. Cancer cooks and Taurus eats. Both never leave the house. Boring hermit losers.

Taurus and Gemini live comfortably at first because Gemini will steal Louboutins and Prada bags for their lover. So: Luxury then prison.

Taurus and Taurus will meet in a McDonalds and fall madly in love. Their family photos will look oddly similar to a pack of warthogs.

Aries and Pisces will be swimming in a sea of E&J and tears. Alcoholics anonymous was made for people like them.

Aries breaks Aquarius’s lab equipment in rage so Aquarius has alien associates abduct and mince the ram. A clean break.

Aries and Capricorn is disastrous. Capricorn hides all the money because they know Aries will spend it on white vans and aged liquor.

Aries and Sagittarius makes the best of buds who usually enjoy sniffing cocaine off each others collar bones and robbing McDonalds. Will most likely end in jail.

Aries will upset Scorpio one time and then will never be seen again.

Opposites attract: Aries the belligerent “leader” with Libra the free spirit. It’s like Romeo and Juliet because everyone dies in the end.

Aries does not have the upper-hand with Virgo because Virg hides all the alcohol to be spiteful and they are swift with a chancla. Advice: Run, now. 

Aries and Leo will have the police called on them every night for blasting Madonna too loud and having beer bottles all over the property.

Aries and Cancer is “Typical city garbage meets suburb princess”. Suicide is in the cards, folks.

Aries is outraged because Gemini drinks all of their wine and refuses to play DMX at family parties. Neither pay rent. Inevitable eviction.

Aries will fight Taurus for eating all the food in the house. Together they resemble one spaghetti and one meatball walking down the street.

Aries and Aries are classic members of poverty cycle. One’s a jobless scumbag and the other works as a part time prostitute. They will never leave the Bronx.

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The story in your head is perfect. It’s the most perfect thing that’s ever existed. Your job, as a writer, is to take that perfect story and translate it into imperfect words in such a way that when someone else reads them, your perfect story comes to life in their mind.

                                                  –Jo Eberhardt, Writer Unboxed