the most beautiful girl in the world sat here

Negan’s Match Part 111

I sat there and listened to him gloat to the other sanctuary residents. I just listened while he went on and on. “I have the most beautiful woman in the world and now, I have the most beautiful son in the world.” He held himself up, so proud.  His chest was puffed out more than usual and he had a unusual gleam in his eyes.  The women were all hovered around Jackson talking about how handsome he is and how much he looks like his father.  Every comment seemed to make Negan’s ego grow bigger and bigger.  It was hard to imagine that was even possible.  Dwight sat down next to me and I continued to eat my food.  Spooning every bite in my mouth like I had no cares in the world. Which was a big fat lie. 

Dwight nudged me “Hey, how are you feeling? I haven’t seen you around much.”

I swallowed my current bite of bland food and smiled. “I am fine.  I have been busy feeding and caring for Negan’s perfect son over there.  He’s pretty much been keeping me hostage. I think he is a little more over-protective now than he was before.  I have to talk fast just to get to come out here and eat a meal. He wants me in the room all the time.  It’s driving me a little crazy actually.”

Dwight smirked and shook his head. “A little more over-protective?  I am surprised he hasn’t locked you in a plastic bubble.  He was out of his mind insane while you were gone.  He may never let you leave this place again.”

I laughed but Dwight’s words made a pit in my stomach.  Was Negan ever going to let me out of here? The man was over-protective before but now, now we had a child.  The more and more I thought about it the more sick I became. I have never been the kind of person who liked to be locked up.  I have never wanted to spend my life in a cage.  The last month since we have been back, it seems like I have been.  I hadn’t noticed much since I was so busy.  Jackson needed a lot of attention.  He was always hungry, he always needed to be changed, or held. Like his father he needed my constant attention.  I shook my head and tried to change the subject with Dwight.

“What have you been up to?  You haven’t been crawling up my ass lately, does Negan have you on another mission? Are you no longer head of my personal security?”

“Nah, I have been around, just not in the room.  You know how he is.  I have been kind of bored lately.  No one running away or doing other shenanigans that you get yourself into.  It has been kind of nice but I am ready to get out some too. Everyone has been really busy rebuilding certain parts of this place that were destroyed when he came and attacked.  So I have been just hanging around outside your room, doing nothing really.”

“What’s going on with you and Sherry?”

He shrugged his shoulders and shoveled a bite of food in his mouth. “I don’t know, it’s fine I guess.  Things are just not the same and I don’t think they ever will be.  She wants to try to work it out and she swears she loves me but I feel different with her now.  I am trying but I don’t think it will ever go back to normal.” He scoffed “Well, as normal as things can be.”

“I know what you mean.” I rolled my eyes and looked over at Negan who was still going on and on.  He caught my eyes on him and smiled at me.  I shook my head some and looked back down at my food.  Dwight must have seen my reaction and I heard him sigh.

“Are things okay between you and Negan?” 

“Things are fine, I just, I miss being outside.  I miss being able to do what I want to do.  I just….I don’t know, something is off.  Something is different.”

He laughed, “I know what is wrong with you, you have the mommy blues. My mother had it when I was young. She had my little brother when I was fifteen and they hit her hard.  She was really sad.  It lasted a couple of months.  She cried a lot and told everyone she felt like a cow.  She would get mad at my dad because he wouldn’t pay enough attention to her.”

“I don’t have the mommy blues.” I snapped at him and finished my food.  The problem was, he was probably right.  I felt like Negan was not crazy about me like he was before.  Every little thing he did would somehow piss me off and I do feel like a cow.  Like my only purpose is to provide Negan’s perfect son with food.  Before I had him, Negan wouldn’t keep his hands off me.  Now, I felt like he barely touched me.  Every time I would see Negan talking to a woman, no matter who it was, I wondered if he was fucking her on the side.  An insane rage would rush through me but would be interrupted by Jackson crying or needing something.  Then I would sit there with my baby attached to my nipple and imagine how I was going to kill the woman he was talking to and how I would finish off the job with him.  I wondered why he wasn’t all over me anymore, he never tries to get me to have sex with him.  They always say, “If he isn’t sleeping with you, he’s sleeping with someone.” The thought enraged me.  I stood up and went to throw my food away.  I walked away and heard Negan calling out to me.  I ignored him and walked out the door. 

I didn’t get but about fifty feet from the door when as always, the door flung open and I heard him yell to me.  I kept walking and found a bench and sat down.  I tilted my head back and soaked up the warm feeling of the sun on my face.  I heard his footsteps getting closer and closer to me.  He stopped behind me and I heard him take a deep breath.  He laid his big rough hands on my shoulders and rubbed them gently.  I felt his breath on the back of my neck.

“What’s wrong my love?” His gravely voice sent a shiver down my spine.

“Nothing, I needed some air, where is the baby? I hope you didn’t leave him with all those crazy women.” 

He laughed. “I had Maria take him back to our room for a nap. I know something is wrong, you have been very distant lately.  Just tell me what’s wrong.”

“I am cooped up Negan, I feel like all I do is lay around and take care of Jackson.  I need to get out sometimes, I don’t like feeling caged Negan. You know this.”

“I know sweetheart, I know, but we have a child now. A child who needs your constant attention.  And you are still healing, your poor body went through a lot.  I still hear you whimpering at night from the pain.”

“I am not in any pain anymore.  I am healed. Besides, when has a little pain ever stopped me?”

“I know babe, I know.  You don’t feel like yourself anymore. I get it.  You went from being a bad ass bitch to being someone’s mother.  He needs you. I try to be around as much as possible but I still have a community to run.  Things are in shambles.  We were gone for a long time. Things need to be fixed and order needs to be restored.”

I whispered under my breath, “And you need to find pussy somewhere.”

He pulled his hands off my shoulders and moved around to the front of me. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

I crossed my arms and watched as his face turned fifty shades of red.  “Did you really just accuse me of cheating on you? Really?” His voice echoed and it made some people who were walking around turn to look at us. 

“Lower your fucking voice Negan or there is going to be fireworks from me.”

He shook his head and laughed in disbelief.  “You have got to be joking right now, how could you think I was cheating on you? You are the perfect woman, what kind of a fucking moron would I have to be to cheat on you.  You think I want some other woman? That’s like a man asking for hamburger meat when he has access to prime fucking rib. That’s fucking crazy.”

“Well, your not fucking me, so it has to be someone.  You hardly touch me anymore. Before Jackson, you could hardly keep your dick in your pants around me.”

“You just had a baby a month ago. The doctor told me to stay the fuck away from your sweet pussy for six fucking weeks.  Six long ass, mother fucking, kill me now, weeks.  I haven’t been all over you because I cannot control myself around you.  I am trying to keep my mind off of it as much as possible.  Do you have any idea how hard that has been for me? I am constantly replaying my favorite fuck sessions with you in my head.  I have cum on our shower wall so many times, I am surprised it’s not fucking pregnant.  Every time you walk by me, or I smell you on my clothes, or I hear someone speak your name I just about cum in my fucking jeans.”

I laughed at his words and imagined him jerking off on the shower wall.  “Well, I haven’t been able to tell and you haven’t said anything to me.  I feel like a fucking cow Negan.” Tears started to roll down my face. “I feel like I am in a cage.  I feel like you may not love me anymore or maybe you don’t think I am attractive anymore.  Maybe you are sick of me like you got sick of your previous wives.  Amber warned me about this.  She said you get tired of women easily. She told me I would last longer because of my looks but I am starting to feel it now.”

Negan knelt down in front of me and wiped my tears off my face.  I kept my face down and he titled it up to meet his gaze. “Babe, you are the love of my life.  No way am I any kind of sick of you.  You…. you make the sun rise and set for me.  You are the light on my life.  And just when I thought you could not be any more perfect, you gave birth to my perfect son.  You gave me life.  I am sorry I have been keeping you cooped up, I went through a lot of shit when you left.  I never want to feel that way again.  And sweetheart, I want you badly. But I am not going to lie, I am a little afraid.  As bad as I want to be in you, I really do not want to hurt you.  That doctor in Hilltop told me I could hurt you really badly.  I…I Can’t….I never want to hurt you.” He leaned in and kissed me softly but deeply.  He wrapped his arms around my body and pulled me on to his lap. He almost lost his balance but caught himself.  He lifted me up and wrapped my legs around his waist and stood up all while keeping his lips sealed to mine. It was quite impressive actually.  The strength the man had was incredible to me sometimes. He rubbed his hands all over my waist and lower back and finally broke the seal of our lips.

“Babe, you need to make sure you are eating, you have lost so much weight. You are skin and bones.  Have you been eating?  I know I have seen you eating but are you getting enough?”

I chuckled, “I am fine.  Jackson eats a lot.  I am eating but he drains a lot from me and that’s normal from what I have heard.” 

He grabbed a hold of my ass and pulled me closer to him. “Can you blame him? I’d keep those tits in my mouth all the fucking time if I could.”  He winked at me and looked down at them.

“I mean, if you think you are feeling better, we can try to have some sex.  God knows, my arm is about to fall the fuck off from jerking off so much.  Haven’t you wondered why I have been taking so many more showers?” 

I shook my head, “I haven’t noticed much around me lately, I have been taking care of a healthy, hungry baby boy.  He gives me no rest like his father use to.”

“Well,” Negan raised his eyebrows at me. “If you think you are healed up enough, now you have both of us that are going to drain the life out of you.”