the most australian thing ever

my great uncle Bob is exactly what you’d expect from an australian farmer. he’s approximately 65 years old and he’s a cattle farmer on a station (a station is a fuck off huge ranch, basically, it’s a couple thousand acres) and he’s this beanpole of a man who looks like he’s spent his entire life outside because, well, he has. he also drives this ancient beat-up yellow ute which is more rust than car at this point and was made in approximately 1980. it’s old. 

anyway he was driving to the far end of the station the other day and an emu ran out in front of his car and he hit it, only it didn’t die, it came flying through the windshield, still alive and mostly unharmed. so there’s my uncle and this emu which is now sitting in the front seat of his car and understandably the emu is pretty pissed off and the first thought that goes through Bob’s head is “oh shit it’s going to start kicking me” so he figures the best way to stop it doing that is to punch it in the face and that is the story of how my uncle got in a fistfight with an emu.

Being Australian on Tumblr is literally the most entertaining thing ever.

Like you could just say “oi m8. I was at maccas the other arvo and I fukn ripped my tracky dacks. I was hardcore devo, aye. But then there was a mad ass sale at fukn Big W and i bought these cunts for 9 bucks” and it’s so funny.

Oh and my favourite is non Aussies trying to figure out the difference between nah yeah and yeah nah.

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This is the most Australian thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life

I had to stop and give way to a kangaroo on my street this morning and it was just the most Australian thing that’s ever happened to me, like I’d never even seen one outside a wildlife park before this and I don’t live in a regional area and now when people make jokes I can’t be like “well it’s not as though we just have kangaroos wandering down our streets” because apparently we do.

Keating! (a fond primer)

Are you currently as obsessed with Hamilton as the rest of the internet? Do you think there should be MORE political history musicals involving cabinet rap battles?

GOOD NEWS, FRIENDS.

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Ten years before Hamilton debuted on Broadway, there was Keating! 

I’ll link you to the Wikipedia page, but in essence: it follows the career of Australian Prime Minister Paul Keating in the early 1990s, from when he was Treasurer (YEP) onwards. It takes the piss out of pretty much every prominent Aussie political figure, controversy, sex scandal and misadventure of the time.

(I know, I know. Australian politics? Who knows anything about that??

All you need for song context is that Wikipedia article, guys. I knew less than nothing about the American Revolutionary War/the Founding Fathers before immersing myself in Hamilton.)

SADLY you can’t see the staged production in its entirety on YouTube, but you can see a large chunk of the songs. I’ll take you through them:

The opening number is fantastic, and – just to confuse things – is called Right Hand Man. It features the previous Labor PM, Bob Hawke, expressing his reservations about Keating’s unAustralian habits like preferring classical music to footy. Warning for those unaccustomed to broad Aussie accents: you may feel like wrestling a crocodile by the end of this song. 

Style (just audio) is the biography catch-up. Very boppy.

It’s Time is about Keating’s leadership challenge and ascent to party leader. The song has very Hamiltonesque overtones in terms of the theme, but also refers to Keating’s habit of collecting antique clocks. As you do.

Ruler of the Land (just audio) is the ELECTION VICTORY song. Reggae. Why not?

And after that we get Dickensian and some ghosts of past leaders appear to Keating, in The Beginning Is The End.

The cabinet rap battle, On The Floor/Do You Slowly, doesn’t quite reach Miranda’s heights of rhythmic genius, but it gets bonus points for the fact that most of the colourful insults in it are 100% verbatim drawn from the debates between Keating and Hewson. (HE COULDN’T RAFFLE A CHOOK IN A PUB = a classic and devastating Aussie burn.) Oh, and the ‘GST’ is the Goods & Services Tax. Yes. They have a rap battle about taxation. Alexander Hamilton would be SO PROUD. ('I want to do you slowly’, re: delaying the election, is ALSO a verbatim quote. God bless pollies, man.)

At one point, the briefly Opposition Leader Alexander Downer actually did pose for a photo in a corset and fishnets. What were they supposed to do, NOT make a whole song about it?

Heavens, Mister Evans is about that time the Foreign Minister (kinda like the Secretary of State) had an affair with the leader of the Australian Democrats, Cheryl Kernot. Who was in the audience at this particular performance. And seems to be enjoying herself. Notable for the immortal rhyming line MY HEART’S IN PERIL, CHERYL.

Power and Mateship are both songs about the Liberal (careful: 'Liberal’ with a capital L is the right-wing party, in Australia) PM John Howard, who defeated Keating in the 1996 election. 'Mateship’ is considered to be one of those nebulous 'Aussie values’ and is mixed up with things like the 'ANZAC Spirit’ and other muddled attempts to glorify our military history. Important to note re: the visual humour in this one is that John Howard was famous for going for a walk in his green & gold trackies every morning, surrounded by his security. Google 'John Howard tracksuit’ for plenty of evidence.

Light On The Hill is probably the most famous song from the musical, and is a more serious reflection on ambition and dreams and changes in power. It’s very pretty.

Basically, this musical is one of the most Australian things you will ever put in your ears. It’s unapologetically on the side of the titular figure. It’s very sharp on the subject of our ~problematic~ national identity, the way we treat Indigenous Australians and immigrants (though the musical itself is White Dude Central), and the wacky ins-and-outs of federal politics in the 90s. And it is bloody hilarious

feraligatr-blood-deactivated201  asked:

i see you're feeling very patriotic about Australia

damn right I am because that
that is the country I am from

I’m not even kidding though like search up Australian birthday parties this is the most nostalgic thing ever and I can’t put photos because I’m on mobile but like
you would have a mud cake from woolies, jelly cups with freddos in them, twizzlers, you’d have meat pies & sausage rolls and those fake little dim sims
and those multi pack allens lollies from coles and you’d always have lots of coke and just
ffftcghchchskppappatvgchchhchc

those aren’t illegal substances go search them up