the most attractive man

  • what she says: im fine
  • what she means: in Friends, Chandler was always considered very average and not that attractive, in fact the very base of his character was that he was the funny/goofy one, Ross was the smart one, and that Joey was the cute one, but Chandler was actually remarkably intelligent and hardworking, as well as the fact Matthew Perry was a very attractive man, whereas Ross most often got himself into awkward shenanigans and Joey was often very goofy. Chandler was the best of all three of them put together, without some of the other two's worse attributes (Ross' tendency to ramble on, Joey's grudge-holding, Ross' quick temper, etc), yet somehow it was considered by pretty much everybody in the Friends universe that Monica was a catch for Chandler and he should feel honoured to be dating her... Chandler was a brilliant character and it is unacceptable that his most prominent attribute, his comedy, has become recognisably his only positive attribute.

so my mother has always had kind of a weird thing about meryl streep: “there’s just something i don’t like about her.” “there’s just something about her face that doesn’t appeal to me.” that kind of thing. meanwhile i’ve never heard my dad mention meryl streep at all.

last night my dad called for help with his computer. i literally told him to turn it off and turn it back on again and he was not even a little bit offended. “what a good idea! i’m so glad I called you!” anyway while we were waiting for his computer to boot up again, i brought up donald trump. trump has really bonded me and my dad politically so i figured we were gonna get into the press conference, the russia hacking…I was ready.

my dad: did you see what he said about meryl streep?

me: yeah…hey, isn’t it wild how trump’s press secretary was gonna eject that cnn guy from the conference?

my dad: he said she was overrated.

me: yyyyeah….anyway….

my dad: now i don’t know how you feel about meryl streep… [dramatic pause for me to share my feelings about meryl streep; i have none]…but i think she is the greatest actress alive.

me: …ok…

my dad: …and he called her overrated! first of all, he’s wrong, second of all, how childish! the behavior of a toddler!

me [trying to find common ground]: he’s always like that. remember when hillary called him putin’s puppet in the debate and he was like, you’re the puppet?

my dad: this is worse because it’s a non sequitur! what does her acting have to do with it? which, by the way, is superlative. her acting is superlative.

me [internally]: OMG MY FATHER IS A MERYL STREEP FANBOY THIS IS WHY MY MOTHER HAS HATED MERYL STREEP HER WHOLE LIFE!!! MY PARENTS ARE HUMAN BEINGS IN A RELATIONSHIP!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

me [out loud]: ok, is your computer back on now?

my dad: have you seen sophie’s choice?

as it turned out, restarting the computer solved one of his problems, but i was then unable to successfully talk him through how to copy a document to a folder or save it to a flash drive. “okay, what happens when you right click?” “i don’t know.”

how a music crush begins
  • me: *sees male musician*
  • me: meh I guess he's kinda cute
  • male musician: *plays for two seconds*
  • me: YOU ARE LITERALLY APOLLO MY SOULMATE THE MOST ATTRACTIVE MAN MY ONE LOVE I NEVER DOUBTED YOU WE SHALL MARRY AND HAVE BEAUTEOUS MUSICAL OFFSPRING

being socialized a woman is just crushing. I feel like I was conditioned to love somebody else’s love. I need to feel small, I have to be passive and desired, one of the most attractive qualities in a man is if he finds me attractive. I used to read love stories where the male was not in the least bit appealing, but his desire was. Why? Why have I been conditioned to feel this way? So much of my self-image in a relationship is how i am seen, if i’m pleasing. im so tired of this, I don’t even know where to begin unlearning this gaping chasm of bullshit.

given that it was in the general mold of kid’s cartoons to avoid making direct pop culture references, and instead rely on really blatant parodies and expys, it was almost kinda surreal when it was established that george clooney exists in the danny phantom universe and is mentioned by name

My problem is that Jimmy Urine looks like he spent the first 21 years of his life forcibly locked in someone’s basement playing video games and subsisting entirely off of diet coke until one day Steve was running from the cops, broke into the basement to hide, discovered Jimmy, hosed him off with a pressure washer, and then started a band with him, and despite all of this he is the most attractive man I have ever seen

Everything That Could Go Wrong...

Lafayette X Reader

Warning: Secondhand embarrassment, swearing (bad habit sorry), fluff, a little bit of Lams

Modern

You are going on your first date with Laf and Alex and the squad show up to watch

Note: The POV switches back and forth from yours and Alex’s. It’ll tell you but just a heads up :)


(Your POV)

You stood in front of the mirror nervously. You were going out with the most attractive man you had ever met. When you saw him in the coffee shop, you honestly could not comprehend how someone could be that handsome. Your thoughts were interrupted by a sharp rap at the door. You answered it timidly and you smoothed down your outfit. Damn, he was a gorgeous as you remembered. How you were going to get your blush to fade, you weren’t sure.

“Hi”

Oh fuck, he said something. You quickly thought of something witty to say, but his gaze distracted you

“I, um, uh, hi.”

Goddamn it.

“You ready to go? I hope you like French cuisine! I know the best place. When I lived in Chavaniac…” He babbled
You smiled at how passionate he was, and took his hand. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all…

You arrived at the restaurant and you gasped. The place was beautiful, with luxurious seating and sparkling chandeliers.

“Do you like it?” He asked nervously.

“Oh Laf, I love it!” You squeezed his hand reassuringly.

A finely dressed waiter escorted you to your seats and placed menus in front of you. After he left, conversation flowed naturally between you two.

(Alex’s POV)

“Laf is getting laid tonight boys!” I shouted from outside the restaurant. John whooped and high fived Herc. I zoomed in the binoculars. “Looks like they just sat down, and the conversation is flowing. Let’s see if we can, ah, ease the tension a little bit more.” John looked confused. The man was gorgeous, but he wasn’t the brightest at times. “Just follow me.” I sighed.

(Your POV)

Laf sat directly across from you, the only thing dividing you was the almost empty plate of bread. You both shared so much in common, including your passion for politics and food. The only thing you had disagreed on was fast food.

“Burger King has a crown for a reason!” He argued

“Oh please, the Big Mac was the original 1000 calorie burger, Burger King copies.”

While you argued, three men approached your table. One look and you saw Laf’s face go sheet white.

“Hey, Laf!” The shorter one said, dripping with innocence. “We just came by to let you know your test results came in, sorry dude, you tested positive for an STD, although we aren’t sure which one.” He smiled sweetly, then turned to you brightly.

“You must be the date! Hi, Alexander Hamilton, pleasure.” Alex shook your hand like a salesman, never breaking his smile.

“The lovely men to my left are John and Hercules, but don’t talk about Herc to Laf. They’ve got a history, if you’re picking up what I’m putting down.” He stage whispered. You saw Laf’s face go furiously red when Hercules winked at him, and he became suddenly very interested in the table cloth.

“So!” Alex exclaimed, putting his elbows on the table. “How did you two meet?”

“We met at a coffee shop called Central Perk.” You said, nodding at Laf reassuringly. The poor boy seemed embarrassed out of his mind.

“Ah, Central Perk! Laf, wasn’t that the place you went to stare at the hot blon-”

“OKAY!” Laf yelled. “I think it’s time for me and [Y/N] to order now!” You saw a bead on sweat trickle down his forehead. “I’ll see you guys at home!”

“Can’t wait.” Said a flirty John, who then winked at his latest victim. They all turned and strutted towards the entrance.

You turned back to your date, who looked as if he wanted the floor to open up and swallow him. “I, uh, don’t have an STD and I didn’t have a relationship with John or Hercules and the only person I’ve ever met at Central Perk is you and-” He babbled.

You giggled. “Laf.” He looked up and his eyes softened. “I know they were your roomates. I saw them with binoculars before they even walked in.” A look of relief swept over him.

“Oh thank God.”

“Still pretty embarrassing though.”

“Don’t remind me.”

You laughed, and the rest of the night went smoothly. After dinner, he walked you home and kissed you goodnight after making plans for another date. “I promise I won’t tell the boys about this one.” He joked. You walked in your apartment feeling like you were floating. You couldn’t have asked for a better date!

(Alex’s POV)

I was lying with John under my arm when we heard the door open. A few second later we heard a heavily accented voice yell:

“YOU FUCKERS”

Uh oh.

On the subject of love, I have to pay special thanks to Ben Whishaw. He is a genius and he championed the show from an early stage, attracting an extraordinary cast who wanted to work with him. The part of Danny was written for him and in return he created the most wonderfully attractive and complex portrayal of a man struggling with the world. I defy anyone to watch his performance and not fall in love with him.
— 

Tom Rob Smith, London Spy:The Complete Scripts.

The most attractive man isn’t the one with the biggest muscles, the fanciest car, the greatest looks, the nicest paycheck, or the best moves but a man who is on fire for God. That is a man worth praying and worth waiting for. The looks will fade, the riches can disappear, but a man who has a heart after God can endure anything. Don’t settle for anything less.
—  Anna Bachinsky @daughterbydesign