the moment when i begin to like them and want to see their dynamics develop

Jikook fic recs masterpost

Hi everyone! So, as any jikook shipper, you all know that there is a variety of great fics, old and new, about our fave ship. I, personally, tend to like reading more about the new ones (not because the 2014 ones aren’t good anymore, but like, u know what i mean, dynamics of the ship changed).

So as someone who spends……. alot….. of their free time reading and writing fics, and as someone who’s been in the fandom for a couple months now, i tought it would be a good idea to write down here some of my faves for you, old shipper who thinks they’ve read them all, or new shipper who doesn’t know where to start :) 

I’ll try to recommend complete ones for the most part, and recent ones, but you know…… some of ‘em are classics. Here are my personnal all-time favorites.

Let’s start ! (in no particular order)

* - awesome

** - extra-awesome

*** - life-changing

1. Constraint, by Harlot. ** One shot, 40k, complete. “Jungkook is young and he is more acquainted with confusion and poor-decision-making than he’d like to admit. Despite being only 19 years old, he sometimes argues that he’s been through and seen some shit. He is never sure where he’s going to end up and he’s not entirely sure what kind of future is waiting for him. He is often not sure of a lot but he is certain—absolutely certain—that he’s not gay.
Alternatively, a story in which Jungkook meets Park Jimin and doesn’t like him whatsoever. There’s just something about him… there’s just so much about him. Jungkook really can’t stand him. In fact, he can’t stand him so much he can’t quite seem to get him off of his mind.
” ((So this one is quite lengthy, i know, but totally worth it ! Jungkook is a real douche in the beginning, but his reactions are so believable and relatable that you forgive him instantly. Great caracterization. Smutty parts in the end.))

2. Loverboy, by gangbang. *** One shot, 9k, complete. “this much jimin’s figured out: sometimes, somehow, his words make people fall in love with him.” ((Okay so this one is my personnal favorite, if I had to chose from all the jikooks fics, and probably all fics of all ships of all times, this would probably win the 1rst place. There’s something about it. Magical realism. Ansgt. Incredible storyline and characterization. A+++))

3. More golden than a golden snitch, by arborescent. ** Series of 3 One shots. 4k for this one, complete. “Everyone knows that the first year Slytherin seeker Jeon Jungkook’s biggest fan is not from his own house but a third year Hufflepuff named Park Jimin.” ((Okay so another old one… but a true classic. This one is a series so be sure to read the 3 of them, aren’t long, but truly amazing. HP au, with a lot of misunderstandings, a tsundere jk, and a fluffy muggleborn jimin. Don’t have to have loved HP to read this.))

4. And back again, by novilunar. * One shot, 3k, complete. “Jimin wishes he could stay away from Jungkook.” ((Ok so this is also an old one BUT i had to link it cause i read it 4 times by now and it is  THE fic that started me into Jikook. Basically, Jimin doesn’t do one night stands, and thats all jk does. Jimin falls. Happy ending. Great writing. Good smutty parts. Love it.))

5. The Bet, by jonghyunslisterine. ** 11 chapters, 46k, complete. “Where Jeon Jungkook makes a bet that he can get the notoriously single Park Jimin to sleep with him by the end of the semester. Needless to say, things don’t go exactly as planned.” ((Okay, another old one, classic, that you probably already read. If not, then  d o   i t. Quite lengthy, but a safe bet. Great great great character development. Jimin is such a complex but lovely being and jk is such a douche but then gets it and it all goes well in the end. The jeonlous is gold. University setting, and jk’s concerns about school are so well written and so relatable. Great one overall.))

6. Flowertalk, by soranosuzu. * One shot, 3k, complete. “Jimin works in a flower shop and Jungkook is a delivery boy who drives a pastel pink van.” ((Tooth rotting fluff. Short and sweet, perfect for when you’re feeling for it.))

7. You’re ripped at every edge (but you’re a masterpiece), bykafeuka. * 3 chapters, 34k, complete.  “Jimin swore there was nothing worst than having Jeon Jungkook as a sergeant.(Or,In which Jimin was forced to enlist in military and he was under the sexgod Sergeant Jeon’s monitoring division and god, Sergeant Jeon really needs to stop being a douchebag)” ((Ok so this one is maybe not an ultimate fave, but it’s only b/c of the end. Overall, it’s great, tho’. Military AU. Sexual tension. JK is sexually frustrated and frustrating. JM is a rich boy. Both characters are douches. Loved the idea.))

8. One upon a time share, by namakemono. * 5 chapters, 32k, complete. “Jungkook is in desperate need of a vacation, but spending two weeks in Namjoon and Hoseok’s timeshare in Okinawa with his recently separated ex of three years was probably (definitely) not what he had in mind.” ((I don’t know why i like the ex trope so much??? anyone with me??? there isn’t enough of those. JK and JM broke up, but their friends are still friends. And want them back together. Oops. Love it.))

7. White T-shirt and Brown Timberlands, by Rose_gold715. ** One shot, 11k, complete. “Jimin is filing for divorce after eight years with Jungkook. He needs to let go, and yet, he wants to hold on a little longer.” ((Aaaaand another ex trope, but not really. Established relationship that doesn’t go well for a while, but happy ending. Original idea. Kinda angsty, and heartbreaking. Loved it.))

8. You’re a hard soul to save with an ocean in the way (but i’ll get around it), by namakemono (great author ok bye). ** One shot, 20k, complete. “Jimin has the whole ocean at his fingertips, but for some reason he can’t help but look up to where the humans are, and wonder what it’s like to be part of their world.(or: the Little Mermaid AU that no one asked for)” ((Ok so now move on to something a lil’ fluffier. I DID NOT KNOW HOW MUCH I WANTED A LITTLE MERMAID AU. But i did. Jimin w/ red hair. Rich boy JK that has to take care of him. Funny and cute. A little jowel of a fic.))

9. You Don’t Bring Me Flour, by superbroc. * One shot, 3k, complete. “In order to graduate, Park Jimin must convince cute grocery cashier Jeon Jungkook that this sack of flour is his beloved child.” ((Soooo funny. Happy and fluffy. Great when you’re in the mood for something lighter.))

10. Let’s play for keeps, bykaythebest. * One shot, 4k, complete. “Jimin plays games for the entertainment of the Internet. Poorly. In fact, his entire schtick seems to be entirely based on how terrible he is. JimJams tries. He rarely succeeds.” ((Youtuber AU. Funny. A lot of Pining. What’s there more to ask.))

11. A touch of sin, by pettey. *** 10 chapters, 102k, complete. “After his transfer to a quiet seaside town, Jeongguk was prepared to face a year of uneventful CID work, but found himself dealing with a series of strange murders instead.” ((ULTIMATE FAVE OF THE MOMENT. Last fic I actually read, yesterday, in the middle of the night. Terrible idea, ‘cause it’s so spooky. I’m not a fan of gore, so i was scared when i read the hashtags, but really there isn’t that much, and it’s so well written that you barely notice it. The story is so well written and plot-driven. It could litteraly be a book. The universe is so intriguing. Ghosts. Witchcraft. JK is a cop, JM is a witch, sorta. Weird murders happen, JM is suspected. Sexual tension. So soooo much sexual tension. Characters are amazingly written. Slowbuilt. The end is bittersweet, if you don’t like much of happy endings, you’ll love it, if you only like happy endings (like me), you’ll love it too. Also there’s smut. And amazing song recommandations.))

12. Nu ABO: A Memoir by Park Jimin, by decompositionbooks. ** 6 chapters, 34k, complete. “The world didn’t think it was necessary to give him a guide when it shoved all of these omega hormones at him, so here it is, Park Jimin’s handbook on dealing with heats, unrequited love, and Jeon Jungkook.” ((You kids are so lucky to be able to read this fic in one go. I had to wait for every chapter. E v e r y   o n e. I know not all are fans of ABO dynamics, but try this one, please. It’s so good. Jimin is hilarious. Jungkook is emotionally constipated. Sexual tension. Jealousy. Great writing. A+))

13. Leave Your Mark, by snarcsics. *** 3/10 chapters, 49k, not completed. “The first time Jimin meets a gaunt, small beta boy named Jungkook in the examination room of Namjoon’s lab, he can’t seem to take his eyes off him. The second time he sees Jungkook it’s because he refuses to eat without him. The third time they meet, Jungkook is more teeth and claws than Jimin can handle.” ((OK SO I KNOW THIS FIC IS NOT COMPLETED. BUT LISTEN it’s worth it. Ohhh so worth it. Plus the author tends to finish all of her fics. Superd kind, replies to all comments. This fic is the beginning of a masterpiece. Not like any ABO. The plot is so great. The characterization is A+++. So much tension. So intriguing. JM is an omega. JK is a beta that will become an alpha artificially cause they are extinct. It doesn’t go so well. Please read it. Trust me on this one. You won’t regret it.))


So this is all of my ultimate favorite fics! I still have plenty I would like to recommend, but I figured too long posts annoy everyone. Tell me if you liked this list and if you would like me to do some others :) I was thinking about doing thematics ones, like fluffy, smutty, angsty… Tell me if that would be something you’d like! 

If you have any fics to recommend me, please please please do so!

This fandom is great. This ship is great. Don’t forget to comment on the stories you read to encourage these fabulous authors!

Thank you for reading!

Tips for Writing Romance from A Passionate Defender of the Genre

Here’s the thing: romance is not inherently interesting.

It’s not automatically compelling.

Romance is one of the hardest things to write, but if you’re clever and careful and pay attention, romance can also be one of the most powerful tools a writer can wield. Not only because love is a powerful and complex emotion worthy of exploration—although it is that—but because romance can function as plot, conflict, character motivation, development, world-building, etc. It can do so much heavy lifting for you, and in a way that is engaging, evocative, and tone-setting.

But you can’t simply cry “Love!” and wait for the applause. You gotta earn it. 

Keep reading

Juvia isn’t a stalker

This is an old, very frustrating argument for Gruvia fans that shouldn’t even exist anymore. This post also shouldn’t exist because I am refuting something Juvia didn’t actually do, but this is what it’s come down to, sadly. The bottom line is that Juvia can not redeem herself for an issue that Mashima-sensei, the author, doesn’t believe exists (aka the non-existent stalking).

I. The amount of times Juvia watched Gray and why

Juvia did not stalk Gray EVER, but she did hang in the background. He and the guild had been the enemy. If she had walked right up to Gray and his friends, there would have been a backlash. It’s natural that she was afraid because of the damage she helped inflict. Despite this, she formed an affinity to Gray and Fairy Tail which she carefully approached to the best of her ability.

As it also shows in her memories, Juvia had a well-established history of being shunned because of her rain which further led to her tentative approach. Additionally, given the rejection and shunning of the past, Juvia lacked the developmental opportunity to refine social engagement. There was no malicious intent in her actions. She was afraid of being rejected again, so she kept her distance. 

And in fact, Juvia and Gajeel’s presence in Fairy Tail DID cause a backlash. Laxus and the Raijinshuu did get angry when they found out two former Phantom Lord members who had attacked the guild were allowed to join.

Yet, both Juvia and Gajeel made up for their former transgressions already against the specific members they had targeted by protecting them. Juvia protected Gray from Simon, and Gajeel protected Levy from Laxus. That was supposed to be their redemption…IT WAS THEIR REDEMPTION. As stated in the first paragraph, in bold this time: Juvia can not redeem herself for an issue that Mashima-sensei, the author, doesn’t believe exists (aka the non-existent stalking). 

Ultimately, Juvia did approach Gray when he was by himself to ask what he thought about her joining Fairy Tail.  This was their first direct meeting after they met in Chapter 56. Indirect encounters include chapter 67 where she observed from afar and delivered a bento and chapter 75 where we see her watching Gray and the rest of team Natsu at the resort.

It was at this point that Juvia approached Gray properly when she finally caught him alone, and they went to get drinks together. It’s supported by the manga that Juvia joining Fairy Tail would have caused a backlash, as even Gray was wary of her joining because of the things that they did, but he personally did not mind her joining.  Juvia then spent the rest of the arc openly helping Gray and his friends in the Tower Of Heaven. 

At the end of the arc, when Erza asked after Juvia, Gray was the one who knew her name, and where she had gone. Once team Natsu returned to FT, Juvia became a member, and Gray was quite happy about it. After chapter 75 Juvia has never in the manga followed Gray without his knowledge again until chapter 416, where she came to apologize for what happened to Gray’s father. 

When Gray seemed dismayed that Juvia had followed him to his parents grave, she immediately apologized

In fact, Juvia has apologized a few times within the series when she thought she upset Gray, including in 413 Days when she apologized for fearing that she ruined Gray’s day of mourning. But, in fact, Gray ended up also apologizing to her, because he thought it was his fault. He profusely apologized to her in chapter 416 as well while sobbing in her arms.

II. Gray’s feelings

If Gray was so uncomfortable and disliked Juvia’s presence, the above scene would not have happened. He appreciates and is grateful for Juvia always being next to him, which by default completely annihilates the claim that he is disgusted by her. This is obvious because we see the change in their relationship throughout the course of the manga, on panel. I repeat, Gray likes the fact that Juvia is always by his side and wants her there.

Furthermore, Juvia’s comedic advances and Gray’s reactions (which have actually become softer/changed) are exaggerated on purpose. Japanese love this type of humor use in their mangas. It’s meant to be lighthearted, not give off an awful message regarding a pairing. As with many shounen, panel space is often limited for character interactions, so “dramatic” presentations are necessary for conveying points. Mashima-sensei has only ever portrayed Juvia’s love as a positive thing for both characters. Her love for Gray has saved not just Gray’s life, but also the lives of others on multiple occasions. 

While it’s true Mashima-sensei loves using Juvia for comic relief from time to time, it’s important to not let the jokes outweigh the serious moments. In reality, we are not supposed to put so much stock into comedy. Adding to the fact that Juvia’s fight with Meredy proved her love for Gray to be genuine, there’s another factor some people seem to miss.  

In the final chapter of the Tartarus arc, Juvia was about to give up on her love for Gray because she believed she did not have the right to love him anymore. She truly thought it was for his sake, and was prepared to be hated by Gray forever. An obsessive person or crazy stalker would never do this. But Juvia did, expecting this would ruin any chance she had with Gray, and was positive she would be loathed. However she knew confessing what she did was the right thing to do and came clean. Here, Mashima-sensei is showing the difference between an unhealthy obsessed individual and someone who’s love is selfless as they put the other person’s feelings above their own. Above all, Gray didn’t let Juvia give up on him. He embraced her, thanked her, and cried in her arms.

Chapter 499 speaks for itself, so I really don’t see the need to touch upon it other than the fact that the Japanese raw text confirms that Gray does see Juvia as more than a friend, aka, a love interest. As if his actions in the chapter and prior to weren’t enough. Double suicide in Japan is one of the most romantic acts of love based on samurai history.

III. The definition of a stalker

  • a person who harasses or persecutes someone with unwanted and obsessive attention.
  • a person who harasses another person, as a former lover, a famous person, etc., in an aggressive, often threatening and illegal manner.

Neither of the above definitions describes Juvia’s character. Juvia would be the last person in the world to harass or threaten Gray in any way. The two times she watched him were harmless and there were justified reasons behind them. Back to the definition; Juvia doesn’t need to do any of these things, because she is Gray’s friend, and at this point, so much more than that. She’s a partner, they go on missions together, socialize together, and have even lived together. 

Real cases for stalking often involve the stalker having control over their victim, sometimes employing fear in a desperate attempt to maintain control, which Juvia has NEVER done. Admiring someone from afar is not the same as stalking them, especially when you don’t have the courage to talk to them. That’s why Juvia quickly threw the bento in Gray’s hands without trying to be noticed. She wanted to do nice things for him, but couldn’t do them directly out of nervousness. That’s not what stalkers do. And of course, as stated above, Juvia was about to give up on Gray. Stalkers aren’t willing to give up their ties with the person.

Juvia does not need to “stalk” Gray. She stands proudly by his side with no reluctance from him.

And even more importantly Gray has never expressed any adversity to Juvia’s presence. If anything, he has expressed the opposite. Gray of his own accord hangs around her. And Gray had mentioned once in 338 that he would say no to the things he dislikes from then on. Yet he had never said no before, nor after that statement. In fact, he contradicted his own statement later on by eating the bread Juvia offered him, and holding her hand in comfort during the Tartarus arc.  

We also have to keep in mind Gray falls under the tsundere character trope, which means his actions often contradict his words, and as stated above, his adverse reactions are often played off comedically, because he is not being honest about his actual feelings. Juvia’s earnest feelings towards Gray usually cause the cool and collected character to lose his composure. That’s the joke. 

IV. Conclusion

Juvia is often labeled a stalker while we look past Gajeel crucifying Levy or Jellal trying to murder Erza. All of these things occurred at the beginning, but have ceased to be current habits. That’s character development. It’s one thing to not like a ship because of the dynamic. But it’s a double standard to hail the development of one ship and ignore another. People simply cannot move passed Juvia’s first impression, and that is sad.

Every pairing has its shtick, such as Natsu touching Lucy inappropriately and breaking into her house, and Levy hitting Gajeel often. Humor is completely subjective, that’s true, however it’s obvious what Mashima-sensei intends to fall under the umbrella of humor, and that absolutely includes Juvia’s antics and Gray’s reactions to them. Saying they aren’t meant to be funny is just being purposely oblivious and contrary. You don’t have to think it’s funny to know it’s meant as a joke. Gruvia gets condemned by the fandom the most when it comes to their particular aspect of humor, and that is unfair. 

This is a fictional world, they are fictional characters, and they do not have to meet real life standards. Many of the characters within Fairy Tail have quirks or perform actions that are not acceptable in reality. Fairy Tail itself is a fantasy manga. The world and the characters are exaggerated for the purpose of drama and comedy. This fantasy world is also based on Japanese humor and storytelling conventions, and ignoring this fact can lead to misunderstanding characters. 

Juvia has not watched Gray from a distance without his knowledge since before she joined Fairy Tail. That was at least 8-9 years ago in both our timeline and the manga time line (counting the 7 year time skip). No one in the Fairy Tail universe, nor Mashima-sensei, seem to think Juvia’s actions from her introduction need to be addressed or redeemed, because it is a non-issue that only certain parts of the fandom can’t let go of. She will not vocally apologize for a problem that doesn’t exist. 

Gray, especially, has gone so far passed his initial relationship and dynamic with Juvia. It’s sad that so many fans are concerned on Gray’s behalf, but never truly take Gray’s actual feelings or words into consideration. He cares for Juvia, he almost definitely loves Juvia romantically, and he is grateful she is by his side. He’s willing to go above and beyond, including sacrificing his life for her (twice) just to ensure her safety. Those are not the feelings of someone who is a victim of stalking. 

carly’s pynch fic rec

basically, i’ve read a lot of fic, some of which i haven’t seen on rec lists on tumblr anywhere and i just thought that had to be remedied so: here we go. ten fics sorted by word count. most of them are multichapter, and rated M or E.

★★★★★144k+ words, rated M, completed

light with a sharpened edge by poetic_leopard aka @winterblues

Adam Parrish works as a sober companion, but he has no idea of the storm that’s soon to hit him when Ronan Lynch turns out to be his newest client. (Or the one where Adam Parrish and Ronan Lynch are trapped underneath the same roof for six weeks.)*Ronan, to his surprise, opened his eyes. For a breathless moment, Adam was transfixed in them. They were the color of the ocean on the most azure of nights, lightning right before it struck the ground, damp hydrangeas on a fog-swept morning. Those eyes gave him chills.

this fic!! solidly one of my favorite fics! (although, i’m only recommending my favorites) ronan is a little more of an asshole than usual, but, it’s an AU so.. it works. the writing in this is lovely and poetic and leaves you hanging off of every word. 

[more recs under the cut]

Keep reading

Keith/Lance Dynamic

Alright so the majority of anti-klancers that I’ve seen claim that they don’t like kl/ance because their relationship is “abusive.” I’m here to tell you all that this claim is complete and utter petty bullshit, and the relationship between Keith and Lance is completely healthy. I’m going to capitalize on their symbolic roles as fire and water, because it’s important to understanding their relationship and also I find it interesting as hell.

Let’s start from the beginning.

Right off the bat we can tell that these two don’t like each other. Or more like, Lance doesn’t like Keith and Keith literally does not care. He doesn’t even remember who Lance is at first.

See. Keith literally doesn’t care. He’s just there to rescue Shiro and doesn’t have any strong feelings towards the other three. For now.

As the episode progresses, however, we get to see more of Lance and Keith butting heads.

Keywords: Lance and Keith. A lot of anti-klancers like to say that Lance is the abuser in this situation, but fail to recognize that it’s mutual arguing. (so, y’know, casual colorism). And more importantly, nothing abusive is ever said between the two. They never rip on anything personal or get physical with each other. How you guys manage to pull “abuse” out from childish banter between rivals is the epitome of grasping at straws.

On to episode two.

Throughout this episode we get to see the dynamic between the two, and it’s literally like fire and water. They’re complete opposites and can’t help but rub each other in all the wrong ways.

Competing against the other to prove themselves.

Taking jabs at each other.

They make a really bad team don’t they?

But listen, that’s the point. Keep in mind how this dynamic fits into the theme of the episode. Five people are put together, seemingly at random, to become defenders of the universe. It’s not just Keith and Lance who are struggling. This episode is about all of them learning how to come together as a team. Lance and Keith are especially resistant to each other but that’s what makes their dynamic so gratifying. Fire and water naturally have a turbulent relationship, but by the end of this episode—and the series— we get to see them make real progress towards becoming a team!

Wow, two people who hate each others’ guts are smiling and laughing together, having a good time? Maybe that’s because they don’t actually hate each other. Their personalities (again, remember fire and water symbolism) don’t match, so they argue and resist each other. But if they really hated each other, this could never happen, and not to mention, they wouldn’t even be able to form Voltron if they truly hated each other.

From this point on, we know Lance and Keith do not actually hate each other. Now we really get to see their relationship develop.

Look at that they’re having a normal conversation. Almost as if they could stand each other. Keith’s face tooootally screams “I hate you Lance.”

And look at this: the two sitting next to each other and eating, even though they could literally sit in any chair they wanted to.

Aaaaaaany chair they wanted to. Any chair.

And when they’re celebrating with the Arusians:

This entire exchange is that between friends. No animosity whatsoever. Compare to episode one when they couldn’t even look at each other without scowling. More Progress!! They’ve come pretty far in learning to get along.

Speaking of getting along: And now the moment we’ve all been waiting for!! The Bonding Moment!

Keith goes to check on Lance (because, what?? he cares about Lance’s well-being? Yeah he does) and to help him up.

Except nope he just fucking kneels beside him and holds his hand.

And here you have it!! Lance fully and shamelessly admits that he cares about their relationship. He’s genuinely happy that they could work together and succeed, and he says this all while holding Keith’s hand.

Here have more of it!!! Keith as we already know is a man of few words. But he feels the same way as Lance. He’s also happy that they could work together as a team. Do these two guys, smiling and supporting each other, look like the faces of hatred and abuse? The exact opposite, actually.

Next episode and we’re confirmed way past the apathy of their first encounter.

Remember when Keith only cared about rescuing Shiro and didn’t want anything to do with Lance? Well look at him now. Look how impatient he is to see Lance get better. Allura has to scold him because he’s getting annoying about Lance.

commence pout.

And then we get this scene. We’re reminded that even though they do care for each other, they still have that competitive dynamic. They’re fire and water, so it’s only natural. Ah, rivalry.

More rivalry.

R…ival..ry?

At this point they’re competing to see who did the most for each other. It’s still a competition, but a strange, warm kind of rivalry. And they don’t even notice.

And then Lance got played by Nyma and the team has to go rescue his gullible ass. Let’s take a look at Keith.

Does this look like the face of hate??

Does it look like these two hate each other in any way shape or form??

They’re bantering—of course they are—but it’s playful banter. Look at how much fun they have teasing each other. Where do you see abuse in this?

And then in the Balmera these two actually work together. Without arguing.

Keith is even smiling at this development!

Look how far they’ve come!! Remember when I said their fire and water dynamic was important? Here’s why:

Fire and water are opposites. Lance and Keith are opposites. Their relationship is rocky and they don’t always get along—as we see at the very beginning—but we get to witness their monumental development from being the opposites who couldn’t stand being in the same room together to the opposites who compliment each other and when they work together, make a really good team.

That’s the beauty of symbolism and rivalry, people. They might bicker and get on each others’ nerves sometimes, but it’s undeniable that they’ve formed a strong bond and do care about each other.

You don’t find the rivalry dynamic interesting? Fine. You don’t interpret any of this as romantic? That’s cool, too. But to say Lance and Keith hate each other, that their relationship is abusive, is obscenely far from the truth and trivializes the trauma that real abuse survivors have suffered through. Real abuse is disturbing and damaging. Competition between companions is not. You can have your reasons for not shipping klance but stop with the abuse bullshit, because it’s insensitive and completely unfounded.

Season 2 Klance and Shallura Analysis

Alrighty so this is another one of those voltron prediction/theory/rant its basically an analysis of some parts of season 2 not all bc that would take me forever but just a few key parts (aka the key to my heart Klance okay bye). So grab a drink because this is an essay folks that I spent way too much time on than I should have. Let’s begin shall(ura) we? (I hate myself)

So I’m gonna start with a very good and very platonic (in my opinion) relationship, which is K//allura. Okay okay, they have so much potential to be bffs its exciting.

First off, I took the whole Galra Keith and Allura tension as a message the creators wanted to convey to the viewers about judging someone merely by their race. Honestly I really love it when tv shows, especially kids shows, integrate bigger ideas like racism into their stories. Its subtle yet satisfying and I really really appreciated this particular scene with Keith and Allura.

Allura is describing her hatred for the Galra which is basically her hatred toward a part of Keith that he can’t even control. He never chose to be Galra, it’s just in his blood. And obviously that hurts him because its a part of who he is:((

Like ugh this is so sweet guys. So as you know from the title of this, I don’t ship K//allura at all, but this scene was very special to me in a much different way than how I feel from a romantic interaction. Like this is a genuine moment between two characters that are haunted by the same group, the Galra. Keith is part Galra, he has a part of the enemy inside of him which is probably causing inner turmoil maybe even self-hatred within him. And Allura as we know hates the Galra for killing her entire civilization. These two have a deep character development from this scene alone. We see that Allura has matured from being bitter toward Keith for being Galra to understanding that a person should not be judged by their blood but who they truly are. Also we see that Keith has accepted the fact that yes he may have a part of the enemy within him, but that does not mean he has to be anything like them. He is also pretty stand-off ish and doesn’t like opening up necessarily. He’d much rather keep to himself (other than Shiro), but he is finally opening up to someone else as well. He forgives Allura immediately despite how offensive her bias opinion was towards him. I just love Keith. 

So these two are super close now or should be? Which is pretty awesome considering… Keith is super close to Shiro too. SO now he’s close to both Shiro and Allura who are both, might I remind you all, much older than would be appropriate for him to have a romantic relationship with. Anywho, this reeks of space parents and an angsty teen.

Which then leads to Shallura and why I believe it is pointing toward canon woot woot love these goobers. Alright so I’m solely focusing on a few scenes in particular where my heart was pounding and my eyes watering and I was clutching my heart while screaming at my computer screen. The feels man the feels. 

I just about swooned at this. Like these underrated moments are what really get me. Like I love the whole Shiro taking Allura’s hand and telling his wife to get some rest, that got me feeling some sort of way. But this scene guys. In the heat of battle, Shiro is concerned for Allura. He’s basically saying “I wish I could be there to take care of her but Coran you have to do it for me.” I cannot guys I cannot.

She could’ve called for anyone else. Was it Keith? NOPE IT WAS SHIRO, PEOPLE!!

Never forget honestly. This is the face of a broken man. I have never seen Shiro more distressed and this pic doesn’t do it justice but when you watch this scene his eyes are glistening like he’s about to cry. The calm, collected leader Shiro is on the verge of tears? omg I can’t. 

Honestly this is my weakness. When a character gets hurt and another character goes ballistic and rages. Like Shiro is so determined to kick ass in this scene and avenge Allura. End me. 

For Shallura, they both have an understanding that they need each other. They are each other’s support especially considering they both are the leaders and are the older ones of the group. They help bear each other’s responsibility which is much different than Klance’s dynamic. For Klance it is much more playful and focused on chemistry. And also because they are younger it is much more naive and afraid. Both Keith and Lance obviously care for each other but they try not to show it especially when the other is present. They are self-conscious and afraid of what the other will think, that the other doesn’t feel the same way. Shiro and Allura, however, both know that they care for each other and they aren’t afraid to express it through calling each other’s name during battle and other small gestures like that.

Which I forgot to mention that everyone is freaking out over a simple hug between Allura and Keith but like have you noticed that both Klance and Shallura have not had a proper hug yet? Ummmm is this a slow burn fic or… Seriously tho, I’ve watched plenty of shows and animes (I’m shameless) to know that usually the canon couple does not have that special hugging and seal-the-deal scenes quite so early in the series because all the anticipation builds up until the perfect scene is created. I swear a tender Klance and Shallura moment is coming I swear. 

Which then leads to my mains, Klance. I just have to admit that one of the many reasons I love these two is because of the fact that Keith and Lance are like my fav characters of all time. And I can relate to both of them at the same time idk. Anyway, back to what’s important: evidence of canon.

So… Do I really need to show these? Like these scenes do not need further analysis it just reeks of dorks-in-love-who-don’t-know-they’re-in-love-with-each-other-and-who-don’t-know-that-the-other-is-in-love-with-them. Man I love Klance. 

So instead let’s over-analyze a few other scenes…

“Babe I thought you would have my back.”

“First you forget the bonding moment now this.”

Look this one is a stretch lol but just look at Keith’s face. When you watch this scene, Keith goes from his signature annoyed and irritated look to a betrayed and frustrated look. Maybe that’s just me, but aside from that, he doesn’t necessarily look pissed off, his face changes from his usual pissy look to something much different. Obviously what Lance says does calm him down enough not to yell back at him, but he also looks frustrated because no one understand him or his secret about his past with the Blade of Mamora and all that good junk at this point. I think it is especially bothering him that he can’t just upfront say what he is hiding, and instead he knows he is looking like a fool in front of them (and especially Lance). 

Body language is important. Keith turns around as not to face them, I think he is hurt because obviously this whole situation is important to him but not even Lance seems to understand him. And I seriously think Keith and Lance have like this weird mutual understanding usually. Like ya they fight I get that, but usually they kinda get what the other is trying to get at I feel, idk maybe thats just me. 

Let’s take a moment to appreciate how blue Lance’s eyes are in this… I love my son…

So like if you look closely at this scene you notice that when Lance is making eye contact with Keith, Keith has his typical “I hate you Lance but really I don’t but I’m gonna pretend like I do” face. But right when Lance looks away Keith actually looks sad and kinda hurt. Out of everyone, he hates that Lance is the one revealing his flaws, and even he knows its true. Lance stop insulting your husband. He’s actually sensitive about what you think of him:(((

Uhhh lowkey I think Keith is just as insecure as Lance is, but he just doesn’t show it… Oh the Klangst!

And another thing we get to see in Season 2 is that Lance is showing ALOT of concern of Keith’s wellbeing which is pretty big if you ask me because season 1 was basically Pining!Keith worried about his boyf. Now we get to see some worried Lance.

Honestly, like I mentioned before, the creators are going for a slow burn. And both Shallura and Klance definitely have their little hints and subtle moments that are very easily missed. But that’s the point. If it’s too obvious then the ending won’t be as powerful, the couples won’t be as special. Also, the development of both of these couples is going slow but very well thought out and I actually appreciate it a lot. I know for a fact K//allura won’t be canon because their interaction is too straight-up(lol) for it to be canon. It could be said as “predictable” but idk I just get a total brotp vibe from them nothing more, plus if they were hinting at canon for them, they wouldn’t have them hug so soon. Also their reactions and facial expressions toward the hugs and touches would be very different. It wasn’t tender like the Bonding Moment™ or the Shallura hand grab™. Facial expressions and reactions are key! Keith looked indifferent when Allura fell into his arms and their hug was sweet yes but it wasn’t hesitant and nervous like a couple who just discovered their feelings for one another would react. It was a hug between two people who recognize their bond. It was a strong bond yes, between two lovers? no I don’t think so. Allura, herself even confirmed how she now viewed the paladins as her family and it just felt to much like a familial bond I couldn’t see anything more to it. If Kallura was to be canon they would have more subtle moments than in-your-face big moments. Little details in the way Keith or Allura would look, or in the background they would be gazing at each other (*cough* like Keith does to Lance *cough*) It’s the little things that count, remember that.

The only ship I was concerned that would be canon was Sh//eith, because they have an obvious bond that is much different than everyone else. But ever since the “Shiro, you’re a bro to me” happened, it basically killed any chance of it happening. Which in my opinion is much better because Klance and Shallura have so much potential and their stories can expand and be written so well. As it is, the creators are doing a really good job at unraveling their stories slowly but just enough as to give the viewers hope which is the goal usually for tv shows. They try to make the shippers suffer sometimes *sigh*. 

Anywho, if you read up to this point thanks for listening to me rambling about space parents and space ranger partners lol! I loved season 2 because it revealed a lot about Keith not only through the obvious backstories and blade of mamora stuff but also through his interactions. And yes Keith is my fav lol. Anyways, I am 99.9% sure Klance and Shallura are gonna be canon but by no means am I saying you shouldn’t ship what you want. You do you, folks. Ship on and enjoy the show!

Analysis of Hak’s character and his relationship with Yona or something

I feel almost alone when saying this, but I find Hak a kinda fascinating character with the way he was written. I have no idea if Kusanagi did it on purpose, but he was written almost to resemble a deconstruction of your average wish-fullfilling love interest character. Before his character development, he started off embodying a lot of common love interest tropes; overprotective, seemingly untouchable by emotional trauma (and therefore, someone who will always serve as walking emotional support, meanwhile needing nothing of the same in return), prone to physical advances… but as the series went on, those traits became something of flaws and/or were revealed to have deeper influencers than originally thought. 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hey, I love your writing! I think I've consumed everything at this point. Do you have any favorite stories you can recommend? I may have blasted through all the fic updates of my own faves and just looking to see if people are reading stuff I might have missed. Looking forward to your next updates! No pressure!

Anon!

First, I am so very sorry it’s taken me so damn long to answer this. 

I actually did answer it - I wrote a very long, very beautifully gif’d post and then accidentally scrolled left on this stupid macbook and I lost the entire fucking thing and I wanted to throw my laptop out of the window.

::calming breaths::

Let us pray that doesn’t happen again this time (I am a klutz, so it’s a definite possibility). Secondly, I decided that now is the perfect time to recreate this answer because a) there are some goddamned talented ass writers out there killing the game rn, b) there are also haters out there trying to steal our joy rn and not only is it not going to work, I think now is a good time to spread the love as far and wide through Richonne as possible, so reblog the shit out of this and get reading if you haven’t already and c) I don’t have time to write the way I want at the moment so I hope this makes up for it.

I also really really need a list I can return to b/c I signed up to read a lot and am still verrry slowly getting through it.

So! Here goes…

Current Favorite Richonne fics…!

1. Round After Round by @nattah-gudgrrl

ZA Canon - Rick and Michonne after 6x10, being domestic and sexy af, round after round.

Holy crap, Anon. I was hooked from the first few words. I’m not finished yet, but this is incredibly sexy and beautifully well-written. Nattah’s writing is hypnotic and poetic. She drops precious gems throughout each chapter with her words, the way she phrases things is so original and addictive. Rick and Michonne are pitch perfect, but so is everyone else (and she’s hilarious, btw). She includes music to score her amazing writing, and trust me, listening to her suggested tracks while reading will only suck you deeper into the tantalizing atmosphere she’s created with these two. AND THE SMUT. HOLY SHIT. Prepare yourself. I love opening up to a chapter and letting myself fall. I almost feel like I need to smoke a joint, turn out the lights, and close my door reading this, no joke. (no seriously, i’m not joking, be alone b/c you will feel thangs down there)

2. Musings of Rick Grimes by @nyese3529

NonZA AU - Rick as a NYC photographer slowly falling head over heels for a charismatic college student Michonne as she becomes his muse.

OKAY. I’m not sure anything I say here will do this amazing piece of fanfiction justice. I’m not even caught up, but the chapters I have read so far are PURE FIRE. Nyese is a master at unfolding a real, atmospheric, moody, sexy, intense, and totally riveting Rick and Michonne for us to fall in love with from the start. Rick’s attraction to Michonne leaps off the page, as does she. She is so damn cute and sexy and seeing her through Rick’s eyes the way Nyese has written them is just to die for. Nyese also NAILS New York City life, especially as a southern transplant and artist (I feel you Rick) AND as a young, gifted black woman looking to make a difference while everyone else covets her light (I feel you Michonne). It’s a beautiful read, and I encourage you to ASAP. The smut is off the chain, as in every fucking moment of it had me squirming around wishing I had me a Rick Grimes here in NYC damn you Nyese you’ve ruined me!

3. The Art of Control by @avintagekiss24

NonZA AU - Rick as a sexy, wealthy contractor Dom and Michonne the comic book shop/cafe owner as his sub in Atlanta (bonus: featuring probably the best version of Maggie I have ever read)

GOTDAMN. Let me tell you something. THIS IS THE SEXIEST RICK GRIMES OF ALL TIME FOR ME. Every fucking word Miss Kiss wrote for him to utter had my panties wet and my brow sweating, do you hear me? This fic is hot as fuck. Even before Rick Grimes shows up in the story, I was feeling hot and bothered about his mere existence, just like Michonne. The way Miss Kiss writes the buildup throughout their relationship is simply riveting. She’s a very visual writer, just like Nyese, so I can see, taste, feel, and ground myself in this stunning world of money, undeniable attraction and absolutely delicious sex. AND DID I MENTION HER MAGGIE IS SEXY AF, FUNNY AF, NAUGHTY AF, AND GODDAMN IT I WOULD SO BE HER PLAYTHING?? The plot is really good, too, like really good. Screw 50 Shades of Garbage. Miss Kiss’s sub!Michonne and Dom!Rick Grimes are what you want, what you need, what you deserve. Go forth, and savor every moment of this. In fact, I need to catch up, myself. Hell yeah.

4. Sirens of the ZA, by @isisnicole

ZA AU - Michonne and her two sisters, fierce, trained fighters, find and protect Carl. Richonne begins to develop once Carl is finally reunited with Rick three years later.

Sigh, I love this fic. Miss Isis hooked me with her stellar opening, and the plot just got more and more compelling the more I read. Carl is still very Carl, but he’s got that “loved, protected, and taught to survive by three amazing black women” vibe to him that makes my heart melt. Ila, Luna, and especially Michonne are just everything in this. EVERYTHING. Their relationship is tight af, they keep it real, they are badass warriors (trained, medal-winning warriors, mind) and even though your heart yearns for Rick and Carl to reunite and for Richonne to soar, you cannot help but fall in love with the family dynamic that Miss Isis has written for them with Carl. The tension between Rick and Michonne is even more intense in this than in canon when they first meet, I’d say, but deliciously so. And once they both start to realize the business, it’s time to pull out the popcorn because the buildup is sooooo good. And did I mention an alive Shane and Merle, also written so well you kinda sorta forget they didn’t make it in canon? Yeah. Read this.

5. Red Dirt Road by @siancore

NonZA AU - Young!Richonne in southern af King County, Georgia, teenagers that fall in love one summer along a red, dirt road.

Honestly, this fic is just perfect. The world is real. I can smell the dirt. I can feel the heat. Rick in this is juuuuuuuust….! He’s everything we think of when we think of a teenaged Rick (but not underage of course). Kind, responsible, stoic, patient, respectful, and sexy. Michonne is a vessel for us all, transporting us back in time to when we went to our grandmama’s house and she bossed us while loving us like nobody else could. The whole gang is there and they’re all written to perfection, especially Shane. He’s as shady and selfish and yet completely charismatic as you’d expect a young Shane to be. The story is so sweet and the pacing is comfortable, fun, and easy, just like those summers we spent messing around with our friends, falling in love, learning to drive, staying out after curfew. I adore Sian’s writing and this is by far my all-time favorite of hers right now. It’s a must, must read! 

To Continue Reading, So Help Me…!

1. HALO, by leeeel

Holy smokes. I have only read chapter one so far and it is absolutely amazing. AMAZING. I reeeeaalllyy need to get back into this one. Rick and Michonne meet under dire circumstances, and the mystery begins. The writing transports you, and I actually got chills reading this. CHILLS.

2. Deception by @severelybabykryptonite

YO. I HIGH KEY LOVE “THE BODYGUARD” AND THIS IS THE RICHONNE VERSION AND IT IS EVERYTHING. Rick as a no-nonsense bodyguard to Michonne’s sexy, vulnerable star is a dream come true. I really need to catch up on this one, it’s just so good and it’s visual and it makes my geeky movie+Richonne loving heart soar. 

3. The Day I Met You, by @chezza3009

I almost don’t know how to describe this one. It’s dark. It’s riveting. It’s nothing like I’ve ever read in Richonne before. Rick and Michonne in the aftermath of an affair that leaves Michonne devastated and Rick a mess. I don’t recognize this version of Michonne or Rick, but then I need to continue reading. What I’ve read so far makes me very, very intrigued by this story. And it shall have my undivided attention ASAP.

4. The Beginning, by @vegasloversteel

Once again, Vegaslover has an uncanny ability to hook you with great story telling, dialogue that flows like “how is she doing this??” and chemistry between Rick and Michonne that vibrates off the page. Richonne is hot hot hot in this. Set in their college years with a great plot and fun with all your faves. Gotta catch up!

5. Palm Trees, by @cake-by-thepound

I AM SO UPSET I CANNOT PARTICIPATE IN ANY OF THE JUICY FIC TALK GOING ON ABOUT THIS STORY RN. Arrrrgggh the spoilers I’ve seen alone are killing me not so softly. I just loooove the way Cake writes Richonne’s worlds. Rich, grounded, dramatic but in a real, honest-to-goodness “that could totally happen to me” way that makes me want to stand up and cheer. I know this is going to be a beautiful ride, so far everything I’ve read is perfection, as usual, so I’m really looking forward to the day I am finally caught up and I can (too late, of course) dip into the forums and be like “GURL. BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT PART WHEN…” 

You Thought I Was Done? LOL.

These are the stories I haven’t gotten to yet, but that are also on my list. I’ve heard nothing but good things and I am hoping to get to them soon!

Right Where We’re Supposed to Be by @tigerwalk3I’ve read her mini-fic Sparklers and I cannot wait to dive into this one. Her characterization alone is amazing, and the way she puts phrases and details together makes me low key jealous.

Honey Bees by @cranesinthe-sky - I don’t get enough Michonne and Judith in my fandom diet and I’ve heard some really awesome things about this one. I’ve heard nothing but praise for Lady Cranes’ writing, so I’m excited!

The TWD Chronicles by @yellehughes - I read Yelle’s Richonne Secret Fantasy fic and loved it, and I actually feel rather ashamed that I haven’t gone back to dive into this epic Olympian take on Richonne!! Allow me to correct this, with the quickness. 

The Hunter of Screams, by @codename-me - I started this, and holy crap is it amazing so far. Like me, Lady Codename has a thing for sci-fi and fantasy, and her writing is rich and detailed and visual, which totally turns me on. 

The End of Wanting, by @glowysweetfab​ - I have started this, and love this period AU, it’s immersive and the plot is so interesting I’m not even all that fussed to get to the romance bits (well that’s a lie, of course I’m trolling for smut but I’m really enjoying the ride).

Honestly, there are so many more stories I have favorited/followed that it would take me all night to list them all here. But I will do more posts like these as I finish fics and move on to others, it’s important to me to show the same support for all of these amazingly talented writers that they have shown to me, and to spread as much positivity as possible because they deserve it. 

This fandom is chock a block full of major talent, huge hearts, astonishing intellect, and abundant passion. No one can deny that, and anyone who does is lying. 

READ AND WRITE ON, RICHONNERS!!!!

Thanks for the ask, Anon! 

-Kendra

P.S. I promise I will get back to updating as soon as I can. I’m in the middle of preparing myself to move across the country and transition to a new career. But my beloved fics are always on my mind, and boy do I have such glorious Richonne in store for you! Thanks for sticking with me! I promise you won’t regret adding a few of these ladies to your reading list, either, if you haven’t already. 

(A table of contents is available. This series will remain open for additional posts and the table of contents up-to-date as new posts are added.)

Part Seven: Writing Siblings

Luckily for me, and all the stories I want to see, siblings tend to appear in stories quite a bit more than parents, but still not as often as a group of friends or acquaintances that come together to work as a team. Siblings are another tether to your character’s family–to their past and their roots, to all the secrets in their past you may have built into plot devices for later. They’re cut from the story as easy pressure points for evoking emotion; in a similar way to how significant others and date-mates may be killed off to serve the story, siblings often find themselves in a similar fate. Siblings are a fantastic resource for stories and provide an opportunity for intense relationships to your character if you bother to let them stay in the narrative.

Shared history: 

This is one of my favorite things about sibling characters: They share a special history. If they grew up together, they have many of the same experiences: holiday traditions and family trips, opinions about a family member and all the remember-when moments. They know the tics of their parents, know what happened when a certain button got pushed one too many times. They know what each other went through, and they know each others strengths and weaknesses; they know how to support each other with that shared history. Friends can come to develop that over time, but siblings come with it inherently if they were lucky enough to grow up together.

If a character didn’t grow up with their siblings, there’s a beautiful opportunity when/if they do meet to begin building that shared history they missed out on. You get to watch as two people not only come to be friends, but also realize that their friendship could become something deeper if they wanted it to: a true family relationship. If both characters accept the family tie and are interested in pursuing a connection between them, there’s so much story depth that can be added through scenes watching them go from laughing at the same joke to realizing that losing the other would tear them apart.

Shared history also extends to family background, too, so if your main character discovers something about their lineage, their sibling is also affected. This is an important thing to remember since you can spin more complex tales using it–all of a sudden, it’s not just your character dealing with the discovery, it’s also the sibling, and it’s not just how your character’s relationship to their family changes, but also how their relationship with their sibling changes, too. Your plot devices like prophecies and chosen heroes and go-it-alone-only-you-can quests and no-one-understands-the-struggle dilemmas all of a sudden get a lot more interesting, much more faceted, and provide lots of nooks and crannies of emotion and character development to explore.

Relationship with their sibling: 

We know that siblings share a connection deeper than just friendship–they’re family. Portraying that part of their relationship to your character is vital to making them feel right and real. There are a couple of things you can use to help get that across.

Using that shared history is going to help no matter what. Your siblings are going to be able to reach each other easier because they can bring up things they both experienced and relate those emotions back to what they’re going through currently. They’re more likely to be able to coach each other through situations and more likely to have things to say or remember that are poignant, relevant, or impactful in some way for your character. Because of this, an added side effect is that emotional reactions that are instinctual when it comes to other people may not be the same toward a sibling. For example, an acquaintance may say something that sends your character into a rage, however if a sibling had said something similar, it might have been funny instead. Our relationships with others slowly change our emotional reactions the more familiar and comfortable we become.

Take into consideration personality, as well. Do these siblings get along with each other? What contributed to that? My family moved a lot, so my sister and I wound up very close because we were our only constants in our lives; we knew we’d both be there to face new places, and we lived in cars and hotels together for weeks at a time, so we had to get along or we’d kill each other. It helped that we liked a lot of the same things, some of which were shared by our parents as well. Remember that while you want to have well-rounded characters that are capable of standing on their own as full individuals, it doesn’t mean that your siblings have to embody completely separate, opposite personalities in order to be effective characters. Maybe they’re both quiet and smart, which allows them to ping ideas off each other and solve super complex problems; maybe they’re both defensive and it causes them to butt heads because of it. Don’t lock yourself into the idea that they need to be juxtaposed against each other to create interesting dynamics between them.

Narrative Impact: 

Your siblings will provide an opportunity to portray a relationship full of familial love–just as deep as romantic love, but without any pressure from readers for it to get sexual. (And if you were planning that really common foster sibling or separated sibling love relationship, please don’t. It’s very awkward for literally everyone involved and there are 1,000 more conflict and emotional growth opportunities out there than that. Ugh.) That positive portrayal will go a long way toward not only reestablishing siblings in literature but also showing real-world siblings a reflection of themselves.

Think about your plot and whether their sibling status has any kind of impact toward the plot or whether it’s simply a minor detail. How will your siblings’ connection change how they react to certain situations by shading their goals? What are those goals for each sibling and are there ways they connect and interact? There should be some that each sibling doesn’t share–goals that are specific to each individual as a person, not solely joint goals as a functioning unit together. After all, these are not one person, but two people who care about each other. How can those goals feed into your plot or into the character development of either and serve to escalate or resolve other conflicts?

Do they like to stay in communication with each other? Is their communication mostly long-distance, or face-to-face? How often do they see each other? What are a couple of key memories and the emotional reactions that go with them? How do their personalities interact and how can you take advantage of that with the plot? Would manipulation of one bring out the best or worst in the other? What would happen to your character’s mental state if one of their siblings was to be put in danger or injured? How protective are they of each other, and how much would one sacrifice for the other? How well do they handle being apart, and how much do they respect each other’s space when it’s self-initiated vs. circumstance-initiated?

Next up: Immediate extended family!

My long-winded and long-overdue Hamilton Chicago review

Here’s the thing, I could go on for hours about why I love Hamilton and the impact I think it’s going to have, but that’s a post for another time (that will come, because I have a lot of emotions about this show). For the time being I want to offer my thoughts on the Chicago cast compared to both the original Broadway cast (OBC) and the understudies I had the privilege to see. (A word on some of my comparisons: I’ve seen Hamilton a few times, and at least three different actors in each role, so that’s the basis of my Chicago review.)

Because of my ridiculous obsession with this show, I found myself in Chicago last week to see my favorite show yet again. I had the chance to see the show back in October doing opening weekend, and I was astounded to see how far this cast has come in five months. Don’t get me wrong, they were phenomenal to begin with, but this most recent performance blew me away (pun intended).

(If you want the short and sweet version of my comments, check out the tl;dr before the cut.)

In the room where it happens

Seeing the Chicago cast twice was an interesting experience, because with the exception of the parts of Burr and Peggy Schuyler/Maria Reynolds, the cast was the same. The one constant, however, was the pure fire and energy this cast brought to the stage. They had a sort of bright-eyed-and-bushy-tailed feeling that made the excitement in their eyes infectious.

Looking at the Playbill, you can see the cast is overwhelmingly younger than their Broadway counterparts. For many of them, this is their first gig, so rather than having credits of former shows and national tours, they had thank you’s to parents, teachers, and God, but that doesn’t mean they looked inexperienced. On the contrary, they were an unbelievably talented bunch, but they took on the show with a sense of awe and appreciation for the chance to be a part of the phenomenon.

The New York show has an energy to be because it’s been rehearsed for almost two years now and works like a well-oiled machine; Chicago has the drive of a group of people who are diving in head first on an adventure into the unknown together, and it’s that ethos that gives you the feeling that you’re seeing the American Revolution unfold before your eyes.

The rest of my review is under the cut, but here’s the TL;DR:

Miguel Cervantes was my favorite Hamilton yet. Hurricane. Was. Incredible.

Wayne Brady somehow managed to combine the best parts of a Tony award winner (Leslie Odom Jr) and my favorite Burr (Sydney Harcourt) for a Burr that was calculated, emotional,

Joshua Henry was a new take on Burr that was very entertaining.

Jonathan Kirkland as Washington was good, but not great and only seemed lackluster because the rest of the cast was so phenomenal.

Ari Afsar gets the “Most Improved” award because her performance in October left much to be desired, but in March she was a fiery woman and a wife who did not take any of Alexander’s crap - basically exactly how I imagine Eliza Hamilton.

Alexander Gemignani is obviously a Broadway vet with plenty of experience. He made King George his own in such a hilarious and captivating way.

Karen Olivo is an actual goddess and gift to this world who slayed the hell out of Angelica.

Samantha Ware was a decent Peggy, but her Maria was insane. Everything about “Say No To This” felt like I was truly watching an affair unfold.

Amber Ardolino gave quite possibly the most provocative and sexy portrayal of Maria Reynolds I’ve seen.

Jose Ramos is such an adorable human being and his Laurens/Philip had such admiration and respect for Hamilton. It was beautiful.

Wallace Smith’s Mulligan/Madison deviated the most from the OBC simply because he is so different from original Mulligan/Madison Oak Onaodowan, but in the most wonderful way. If Javier Munoz is the “sexy Hamilton”, Wallace is the sexy Mulligan.

CHRIS FREAKING LEE. I have no words. With the right actor, Lafayette/Jefferson can really steal the show, and Chris is indeed one of those actors.

Keep reading

Reylo - Anima/Animus - Two Parts, One Whole; a mini-breakdown (anon ask)

Thanks for the great observation anon! Now, what you’re describing is the shadow, which is - I think - related to Kylo Ren/Ben, but not in the way antis think. The shadow is something that must be faced, defeated, overcome - but also accepted and integrated with - that whole yin and yang thing. Accepting the darkness within you, but also conquering it.

I believe Rey’s shadow is Kylo Ren.

Her Animus is Ben Solo.

And the Animus - for the heroine - is a much different matter than the shadow.

It is the heroine’s soul mate, and Jung has some curious things to say that I’d like to touch on.

(Also, yes, it’s true that Kylo Ren and Ben Solo are the same person - I’m not arguing anything like that. But just as Anakin and Vader are these different personas within the same person, so, too are Kylo Ren and Ben Solo. It is an intentionally done thing in Star Wars to separate these characters by name. There is something to be said of the psychology behind a name, and by naming something - or someone - in two different ways, we can learn to separate those different aspects. This - I think - allows us to seperate Kylo Ren and Ben Solo as both Rey’s shadow and Animus. Maybe I’m wrong - I’m not claiming to be THE Jung expert. I read him as a hobby…. but nonetheless, I think I’m onto something maybe.)


Ok so let’s take a VERY brief look at Anima/Animus and what Carl Jung has to say:


So first, Plato’s Symposium is often used to show what the Anima/Animus actually is:

“After the division the two parts of man, each desiring his other half, came together, and throwing their arms about one another, entwined in mutual embraces, longing to grow into one. Each of us when separated is always looking for his other half… And the reason is that human nature was originally one and we were a whole, and the desire and pursuit of the whole is called love.”

So the Anima/Animus are looking for the other half from which they have been cleaved in two. It is about becoming whole - finding balance. Coming back to the origins of Man+Woman = One. There are not two, but rather three: Man, Woman, and Whole.

This means that the character needs more than just a good, supportive relationship with their love interest. Their love interest needs to complete them somehow - in a way that no other could.

This is not about a “match made in heaven” - at least - not for women. This is not a “prince charming” dynamic by default. In fact - I’d argue AGAINST the perfect prince charming based on what Jung has to say.

Now, I have always thought - since my first viewing of TFA, that Rey and (Ben Solo) are Beauty and the Beast. This is largely informed not only by my personal interest in and knowledge of the tale (animated, original fairy tale, AND many comparisons in modern media - such as Buffy the Vampire, for example), but also in my personal readings of the Animus/Anima. It is important to note, however, that Jung - unfortunately - limited his perspective to the male perspective, so what exactly makes the Animus distinct in relation to the heroine isn’t entirely as concrete as it is for a hero… But that doesn’t mean it isn’t there at all, or that it can’t be discussed and speculated on.

Right, so let’s look at what Jung has to say:

“[Anima] archetype is a force; it has an autonomy… You see, you have a certain image in yourself without knowing it of…the woman. Now you see that girl, or at least a good imitation of your type, and instantly…you’re caught. And afterwards you may discover that it was a hell of a mistake…[but there was] no choice at all. [The man] has been captured… That is the archetype…of the anima.”

So, unfortunately Carl Jung has - admittedly - noted that his own observations of the Animus in relation to women’s perspectives is limited. He developed his ideas based on a very limited perspective of the male mind. But we can still get some take-aways from his observation of the Animus/Anima. For the Anima/Animus, one could also conclude from the above that:

1) “…You see a good imitation of your type, and instantly… you’re caught.” This is a sort of “love at first sight,” and speaks to what is often surprising and unexpected. I’ve talked of the parallels of Beauty and the Beast, and in both cases Belle and Rey are first (1) shocked and terrified of their beast’s beast or monster form

Originally posted by spaceandaliens

but (2) upon viewing their beasts TRUE form (for Belle it is the painting of the Beast in the West Wing - for Rey it is the removal of Kylo Ren’s mask), they are surprised, intrigued, and attracted to what they see:

This is the “instantly you’re caught” face. And, although both are a bit in denial of that attraction at first (Belle and Rey BOTH end up running away from their captor into a snowy forest for a confrontation and a moment to test their own compassion for the Beast), Carl Jung next says,

2)”…Afterwards you may discover that it was a hell of a mistake…” So the meeting of the Anima/Animus has a certain tension to it - a push and pull (yin and yang - which as the Anon mentions is very connected to Jungian analysis) - that often leaves both parties reeling. They are certain this person is a “mistake” for them. The tension built here is very important for this dynamic - and in terms of a story builds up drama and romance. It’s really poetic, when you consider it. Both Belle and Rey seemingly suffer for their attraction, and also deny it. They try to run away, and are yet confronted again by the Beast in their effort to do so in the snowy forest. Which brings us to the next point…

3)“…[But there was] no choice at all.” This is the most important part of the Anima/Animus - it is a fated meeting. It is unavoidable - there was never any getting around it. And how do we know that Rey and Ben Solo are fated to meet? Well… there are A LOT of signs in the movie, and I don’t have the time right now to get into all of them - namely what Maz says and some other various bits and pieces. But there is the most important piece of them all.

Rey’s vision.

Originally posted by bensolo-now

Not only is the vast majority of Rey’s vision of Kylo Ren, but immediately after this vision she runs into him while trying to run away from her destiny.

Her destiny is ultimately unavoidable because her destiny is directly linked to Kylo Ren/Ben Solo. He is her destiny - even when she tries to run away from it.

Everything Maz says, the conversations with Han Solo (which people try to use as evidence they are related - but you are missing the point. No, they are fated to meet - that doesn’t mean related, and fits better into this Anima/Animus romantic dynamic), the vision, her attraction and the repulsion that comes with it, and ultimately the compassion she holds for him… They are all signs that these are two people fated to come across each other and change their respective trajectories forever. They will never be the same now they’ve met, and will change drastically because of it.

The big take away here is balance. As you noted, yin and yang are key and we know from visual and story cues that TFA focused on juxtaposing both the differences and similarities between Rey and Kylo Ren.

They play off of each other - they are almost in a dance with each other. He takes from her feminine nature - finding compassion and a “pull to the Light,” with a certain fascination and tenderness unprecedented in Kylo until he meets our heroine. And she, too, takes from him and his masculine nature - pulling from his rage, anger, and aggressive fighting style when she begins to stalk and snarl and clench her fists in that final showdown. However, like yin and yang, they both already have their opposing elements locked inside them. Kylo Ren has always felt a pull to the Light and compassion - that’s why he let Finn go on Jakku. He is also unpredictable with his emotions and extremely vulnerable. And Rey has a certain fierceness and a closed-off nature, where she is resistant to show her own emotion and affection. She is active, where Kylo Ren/Ben Solo is passive. She is cool-headed and thinks before she acts - where Kylo Ren/Ben is hot-headed and reacts on emotion and passion. These are things both will have to learn to balance - the masculine and feminine - the dark and the light between them both.

And when both Rey and Ben discover this balance in each other, they will become whole.

Or so I think at least, given what we have from TFA and the hints from TLJ.


For now, this is all I have time for. I want to do a bigger post on this, the Anima/Animus and how it applies to Rey and Kylo/Ben. But… Jungian analysis is not a light and easy topic to cover, and if I ever do get around to it it’s going to take A LOT of work and thought.

I’ll leave you with this: on twitter Rian Johnson replied to someone that he has been reading up on Carl Jung and Robert Bly. If we want to understand the direction of The Last Jedi, I would guess it’s best to start there.


Thank you for this GREAT ask Anon! Research and thoughtful analysis is how we Reylos always knock down the naysayers!

My Top 10 Anime Ships/OTPs

[Possible Spoilers]

This is really late. So sorry for my usual tardiness! T.T Thank you to @lemonadethefifth and @rays-of-fire-and-ice for tagging me! I guess I’m going to have to make mini-essays/explanations again, huh… Challenge accepted! XD

NOTE: There are shows here that I haven’t watched for a long time now, so I may forget some things or even make mistakes. If so, please feel free to inform me of them!

[A fangirl with messy english coming your way!]


10. Vampire Knight: ZeKi [Zero Kiryuu & Yuuki Cross]

The first time these two were introduced, I immediately took a liking to them. With Yuuki’s cheerful and outgoing personality, she balanced out Zero’s seriousness and no-nonsense personality. I even loved the way they bickered!

When Yuuki found out about Zero being a vampire, she was scared at first, but she slowly accepted him for who he was. It was a nice transition, to be honest. Yuuki, the one who was afraid of vampires because of her encounter with one of them when she was little, began to protect Zero, someone whom she had been with for years, even though he became the kind of specie she was afraid of. I’ve always loved slow burn, and I associate it with this pair sometimes. They just have this appealing, mysterious aura about them, and whenever they interacted with each other, I felt the tension and excitement pounding along with my heartbeat.

I still haven’t finished the manga, but I will someday. :)


9. Ouran High School Host Club: KaoHaru [Kaoru Hitachiin & Haruhi Fujioka]

Haha, yup. Not Hikaru, but Kaoru. The less brash twin, the one who thinks things through a bit more. I’ve always shipped him with Haruhi, particularly because I feel that their personalities would complement each other more. Like the other non-canon pairs I ship, KaoHaru has potential.

I’m not sure if it’s Kaoru in this panel (because I’ve never read the manga),

but here’s a scene of them together. I had a hard time finding pictures of them together. They’re not that popular after all. :’(

Perhaps what appealed me towards them is that they don’t have much scenes together. I actually often notice pairings who stand in the background. XD But seriously, I really think they would’ve been cute together!


8. Fruits Basket: YukiRu [Yuki Sohma & Tohru Honda]

Still bittersweet over this pairing. I never got to finish the manga, mainly because I felt that it was wearing me out (not because my ship didn’t happen, mind you XD). To be honest, I’m still surprised why I like them. Like some people say, if they ended up together, they would’ve been a boring couple (not like Kyo and Tohru, who are apparently more exciting). However, for me, there’s hidden potential in this pairing. I would’ve liked to see Yuki bringing out his cold side towards Tohru and distance himself from her, while Tohru would be all confused why Yuki was suddenly acting like that. Kinda like a slow burn. I don’t know, but that’s what I would write. 😂 What I don’t understand, though, is why Yuki suddenly thought of her as a mother figure… I mean… huh…? Maybe I missed something? Because that train of thought from him seems so… misplaced…

Anyway, I still ship them no matter what. <3


7. Gakuen Alice: RukaRu [Ruka Nogi & Hotaru Imai]

SHIPPING THESE TWO IS FRUSTRATING. They don’t have much scenes together (though they are always drawn side-by-side) and they have very little interactions. That New Year’s chapter wherein they got stuck together was literally a brief piece of heaven for me.

I love Hotaru blackmailing Ruka. I also like how they can be bickering together one moment and then become serious in the next. For me, there’s just so much potential in this pairing that I want to scream. I‘ve devoured every fanfic of these two and I still crave for more. I’d do anything to read a doujinshi about them. Anything at all! T.T

This art by the author made me less frustrated, though:

But I still want more of them! (He’s not even looking at her 😭)

Sigh. I’ll probably write a multi-chapter fic about them sooner or later once I get too frustrated…


Honorable Mention: NatsuMikan [No explanations needed; their meeting was fated, and they go well together. Natsume’s a bit too forward for my taste, though, lol (plus the fact that he was only twelve years old back then). However, I still like their chemistry together! The slow burn was really great!]


6. Card Captor Sakura: SyaoSaku [Li Syaoran & Kinomoto Sakura]


[Btw, is this an official art? If this is a fanart, tell me and I’ll take it down.]

…I cannot even believe that I was so giddy over a pair of ten-year-olds. I was in high school when I started watching CCS, and I never expected to become so invested in watching it.

Syaoran started out as someone who was relatively mean to Sakura. He was like a bully at that time, lol. I didn’t think much of their relationship in those moments, but I thought that they were cute. Typical children’s antics, as one might say.

But when Syaoran started developing feelings for her, that was when I exploded from cuteness. Ohh gosh, I literally squealed over them. Me, who was fifteen years old at that time. Me, who was often teased by my friends and classmates as an emotionless person.

(watching CCS)

Mom: Rei…? Are you… giggling…?

Me: ………….No, I’m not. (pokerfaced)

That’s about the gist of it, haha!


Honorable Mention: EriTomo [I just find them really cute together. Also, their personalities complement each other well!]


5. One Piece: LuNami [Monkey D. Luffy & Nami]

One Piece isn’t about romance, and I strongly feel that Oda is not even planning on placing some sure hints about the ones who’ll end up together at the end of series. I like One Piece because of the story, not because of this pair (that I love so much). However, it’s nice to see a lot of scenes of them together. <3

From what I’ve seen/heard, I think they’re the most hated(?) pairing in One Piece. Hmm. What I like about them is their dynamic. I think what most of us can agree on is that the two of them trust each other very much. This particular fact is emphasized back when Nami betrayed the crew at the beginning of the series. She stole the ship, the treasure, left them behind while they fought against a strong enemy… yet Luffy still wanted her on his crew. That no one can be the navigator except for her. He disagreed with Zoro’s negative remarks about her and looked for her until they came to a stop on her hometown.

The scene that drew me to them is the hat scene. Yes, that iconic hat scene. For me, it was beautiful. Luffy treasured his straw hat so much and didn’t want anyone to touch it except for him. However, when he saw Nami crying and asking for his help for the first time, he had no qualms about placing it on top of her head. Then he proceeded to beat up a guy he didn’t even know much. He practically defeated Arlong with all he had not mostly because of the man’s treatment of the villagers, but because of the reason that he made “his navigator” cry.

…I will forever go down with this ship.

(Also, I LOVED THAT HUG AKSFNOAIGEIU)


4. Final Fantasy VII: CloTi [Cloud Strife & Tifa Lockhart]

In my personal opinion, they’re canon. Advent Children, On the Way to A Smile: Case of Tifa, and the original game itself confirmed it for me.

Cloud and Tifa were depicted to be childhood friends, yet in reality, they weren’t actually very close back then. It seemed, though, that Cloud had a crush on Tifa. It was really cute and sad at the same time, because Tifa had her own circle of friends while Cloud had no one. I don’t think Tifa ever ignored him, though(?).

This pair gets to me because of their tendencies to keep their actual feelings from each other. Tifa was confused about the Cloud who led AVALANCHE to defeat Sephiroth because of his mixed-up memories, yet she never asked him about them and only watched from the sidelines, possibly waiting for an opportunity to learn what the truth really was. Cloud, on the other hand, was a bit confident on the outside, yet was also actually confused deep inside about who he was.

But then the Lifestream scene happened. Tifa got to see the real Cloud inside his consciousness and proceeded to help him fix himself together. This particular conversation struck me in the feels (forgive the inconsistent image sizes; I only googled them):

Tifa: “Someone has to notice you…? …Who?” 

I would say more, but I don’t want this to be a really long essay. XD So yeah, this is why I love them!


Honorable Mention: YuffEntine [This pair… Oh gosh, this is kind of a crack pairing, but I am just drawn to them in a way that I can’t fully understand. Vincent, the brooding individual, and Yuffie, the hyperactive teenager… My shipper senses are tingling like crazy! XD I can’t wait to see their HD interactions in the remake! <3]


3. Fairy Tail: NaLu [Natsu Dragneel & Lucy Heartfilia]

Words cannot express how obsessed I was over this ship back then. My first fanfic on FFN was of them as well as several others. I downloaded hundreds of fics about them, searched a lot of fanarts, and squealed over every scene they had in each episode. NaLu had been my online focus when I was in high school. These days, my great liking of them diminished a bit (because I haven’t read the manga for a while). However, I still ship them so much!

It was kinda frustrating that Natsu often seemed dense, especially regarding Lucy (does he know how many times he has made her blush? XD), but that’s a part of his character, I guess, and I admit that it’s also one of the reasons why I ship them so much. They’re always together because they’re close friends, and whenever they somehow teeter towards the line above friendship, I literally wanted to jump up and down in excitement! But then it would always come down to a comical scene, though, haha! Typical NaLu.

Ahh, that hug. I’ll remember it forever. <3


Honorable Mentions: MiraXus [That scene with Mira getting angry at Laxus will always get to me.] & LyVia […don’t ask me why. I just find their chemistry so adorable. I would’ve loved more scenes of them together!]


2. Bleach: IchiRuki [Kurosaki Ichigo & Kuchiki Rukia]

If I was obsessed with NaLu, I was just as much as obsessed with IchiRuki. Heck, before Bleach even ended, I already started writing a rewritten version of the manga with IR as the definite end pairing (because I thought back then that Kubo would give Bleach an open ending… guess I was wrong) as well as a Bleach Movie fic with Ichiruki as a pairing as well. 😂 Damn, I was really addicted to this pair…

What I love about this ship is that their relationship is unique. Like Kubo stated: “more than friends, but less than lovers”. They’re placed somewhere in between, and for me, that’s a special thing. They have a label of their own that isn’t limited by the terms romance and mere friendship. It can also be interpreted as something like: “they’re right in the middle of two boundaries; once one of them figuratively trips, their relationship becomes a new, different meaning altogether”. I’m not going to rant on and on about them (because there are far better metas that explain their dynamics amazingly) so I’ll stop it here.

Even though they didn’t become canon, they will always be canon in my heart! <3


Honorable Mention: HitsuHina [Always-frowning-and-serious Hitsugaya being overly protective of his childhood friend? Threatening someone if they made her bleed, promising to kill someone after they did her harm both physically and emotionally? This ship hits me right in the heart. <3 It’s just a shame there’s not much of them in the ending. I would’ve given anything for them to have a scene together, or even just talk! It’s been long overdue. T.T]


1. Naruto: SasuSaku [Uchiha Sasuke & Haruno Sakura]

Ahh, SasuSaku. The very first anime pairing I shipped, and what an awesome thing that they ended up together in the end! Happy days! <3

Others often have misconceptions about this pairing. For me, though, it’s a pretty simple thing. It was already obvious to me at the beginning that they would end up together, especially after that Forest of Death scene. That scene highlighted the start of Sakura’s character development and it also showed Sasuke’s care for her as a teammate. I mean, why else would he go on a (for the lack of a better word) rampage after seeing her so beaten up?

I personally believe/headcanon that Sasuke began to really love Sakura in the Blank Period. It’s just that he already built a foundation for the two of them way back then. It was fairly obvious that he grew to care for her, after all. I think the forehead poke signified the beginning of him seeing her differently. (Just my own opinion, though)

And, to address a bit of a sensitive issue… Their relationship isn’t toxic. I know it very well. “Toxic” is not a word that should be used lightly. If their relationship is “toxic” then they shouldn’t have ended up together. They shouldn’t have so many fans. It’s just that simple to me. :)

Sasuke’s behavior in Shippudden is not who he really is. The real Sasuke is the one who Team 7 saved, who Naruto himself saved from the Curse of Hatred. The real Sasuke is the one who started smiling genuinely in Chapter 698.

Ahh, I’m rambling again, so I’ll stop right here once more. Anyway, there may be many who hate SasuSaku, but there are also many who love them to the core. We all have different, varying opinions about every pairing. Let’s just not spread so much hate. :)


Tagging @aubreycanalaine to make a list like this. Haha! (Because I know how much you hate writing essays, lol)

cyrano’s got nothin’ on me

by andawaywego

[or: Jason asks Kim out and Trini is too good a friend for this crap]


Jason asks Kim out on a Thursday.

Trini’s not sure why it’s important that it’s a Thursday, only that it is. Thursdays suck. Not quite the week, not quite the weekend. She supposes, also–along those same lines–that she’s not even really sure why it’s important at all . Because it isn’t.

Or…shouldn’t be.

Jason can ask out whoever he wants. He could ask out Alpha-5 for all Trini cares. And it’s not like she has a monopoly on Kim’s time anyway, even if they usually do spend their Friday nights babysitting Trini’s brothers together. Even if her going on a date with Jason would take that away from her.

That tiny shred of a regular schedule.

They’re in the pit when it happens and Trini is delicately putting a bandage over a particularly bad scrape on Kim’s shoulder. She’s being a good friend. Because that’s what friends do. Friends press antiseptic wipes into cuts and wipe away blood and sometimes even press their fingers to their lips and then press those fingers into the Mickey Mouse band-aid. It’s not weird.

It’s completely normal.

“How bad is it?” Kim is asking, her voice that soft timbre that definitely doesn’t make Trini’s knees shake a little from where she’s kneeling on them.

That would be crazy.

“You’re fine, you big baby,” she jokes, trying to get rid of some of the tension of the moment–that unnecessary weight that is always added so immediately whenever her and Kim’s skin meets.

Kim laughs, this light sound that hardly even sounds like her.

It’s a nice moment–Kim sitting on a rock, Trini kneeling beside her, fingers keen and careful as she presses the adhesive sides of the band-aid down. And then Jason comes shuffling over with his hands wringing out some gross sweat towel like he’s nervous and his eyes are downcast, which is definitely weird because–

Well, because he’s Jason. He exudes confidence and this boyish, who-fucking-cares swagger most days that she’s slightly envious of, if only because he can get away with it, as a boy, without being called a bitch .

But she digresses.

“Hey, Kimberly, can I, um…talk to you for a second?”

It’s not an unusual request, if only because he’s been known to pull each of them aside for the occasional heart-to-heart just to ensure that they’re all on the same side. Usually, they are.

This is not one of those times.

From the side of Kim’s face Trini is on, she can see her eyebrows lower down in confusion. She can see that biting frown twisting on her lips, and Trini, in turn, frowns in mere response.

It’s bizarre.

“Yeah, sure,” Kim says. “What’s up?”

The moment Trini realizes it’s weird is the moment Jason glances at her, as though waiting for her to duck out or excuse herself, which–

She doesn’t have to, okay? Kim is probably the only female friend she’s ever had. She has a right to bear witness.

Make sure Jason doesn’t say anything stupid.

Like, You really sucked at training today.

Or, Those jeans don’t look great on you.

Or–

“I was, um…sort of wondering if you maybe wanted to go on a date tomorrow…with me.”

Yeah, something like that.

Kim is silent for a really long time, her mouth just sort of hanging open as she weighs her options, no doubt. Trini knows the feeling. And it’s weird that Jason would even ask, but it’s not necessarily surprising.

It’s practically set in stone. Two kids, fallen from grace, who used to run in the same social circles. If things were different and Jason hadn’t gotten almost expelled for that cow prank and Kim hadn’t nearly been taken to court over the Amanda thing, they probably would have ended up here either way.

Still, there’s the group dynamic to think of and Trini is half-expecting Kim to just blurt out the word, No, and then hightail it out of there, leaving Trini to slink out awkwardly from underneath Jason’s heavy, disappointed gaze.

There’s the group dynamic and the fact that this could sincerely screw that up.

Trini imagines all of this going through Kim’s head and more and then Kim says, “Um…” but instead of delivering some devastating blow to Jason’s ego, she says, “Sure.”

Sure .

The word sends a pang through Trini’s head, the beginnings of a headache. She frowns, bites her lip and presses the band-aid too hard onto Kim’s shoulder, making her yelp out in pain.

“Jesus, Trin! Be careful.”

When she looks up, Jason is frowning at her. Perhaps over the fact that she’s just (accidentally) hurt Kim, but it doesn’t appear to be the look of someone who’s just asked out Kimberly Hart and gotten a positive response. Trini would be jumping for–

For nothing.

Because she’d never ask out Kim because she’s not that girl. She’s not the kind of girl who develops feelings for her straight best friend. Her first best friend.

Jason smiles. “Great. I…I’ll text you, okay?”

Kim bobs her head. “Yeah, great,” she says and then Jason leaves. He joins Zack and Billy by the ship and they leave together.

It’s quiet for a couple of minutes–just the sound of Trini breathing too harshly for someone who’s literally just kneeling there–and then Kim clears her throat.

“Are you okay?” she asks, like it’s supposed to mean something different. Something deeper.

Trini nods. “Yep. Fine.”

She pulls herself up and grabs her things and it isn’t until she’s soaking wet and running home that she realizes she just stormed off like a character from some stupid teen drama. She stormed off for no damn reason.

Because she doesn’t have a reason, she thinks as she sinks heavily, wet, onto her bed and feels the soak of the sheets beneath the seat of her jeans.

At least, not one she’s willing to consider.

.

It only gets worse.

Or, weirder, actually, because Trini has absolutely no opinion of Kim going on a date with Jason, so how could it possible get worse?

Answer: it can’t. It can’t get anything because Trini doesn’t care.

“Morning,” Jason greets from beside her locker as she approaches that next morning and she frowns at him. It’s too early for his perky smile, the way his blue eyes shift in the flourescent lights.

She grunts and tugs her locker open, shoves some of Kim’s books aside so she can get her things.

“Was your night okay?”

She has to hand it to him, he’s genuinely trying. He may not be the elected leader she would have voted for as President Power Ranger, but he tries to make sure they’re all on the same page. Even when he’s asking one of them out.

“If you’re looking for Kim, she doesn’t come get books till after third, so you can come back later.”

Jason frowns–this pretty thing that turns down his lips like some Teen Beat poster. “I wanted to talk to you, actually,” he says and Trini ignores him, grabs her books and slams the locker closed. “I have a favor to ask.”

She feels sluggish, weighted down like she’s just been pushed off a cliff and into an unexpected bed of water waiting below. “What kind of favor?”

And the sheepish look Jason gives her is answer enough.

.

Okay, so it shouldn’t piss her off. There’s no reason for it.

Teen comedies should have taught her that she should do anything for her best friend, even help the guy she’s dating date her. Especially that.

Of course, in a teen movie, she’d probably fall in love with Jason at the end and Kim wouldn’t be a very good person so the audience wouldn’t feel bad that she’s left all alone, but…

Yeah, no. That’s not gonna happen.

“You’re gonna what ?” Zack asks at lunch, halting mid-throw with a tater tot in his hand. The face he’s making is torn between amusement and sincere pity, so Trini looks away–squints until she can just barely see the pile of tater tots he’s been making in the football field down below the bleachers.

“You’re making a mess,” she admonishes, trying to change the subject, but Zack is never so easily swayed.

He frowns and drops his arm. “I’m sorry,” he starts, “but it sounded like you just said you’re helping Jason get ready for his date tonight.”

She looks away, finding something interesting to pick at on the knee of her jeans.

“His date with Kim.”

She frowns.

“The same Kim you’re in love with.”

Except–

“I’m not in love with Kim,” she snarls and Zack nearly looks afraid for a second before a smug look replaces it.

“Mhm,” he hums and looks away. He chucks the tater tot from before and it lands in the same pile in the middle of the fifty yard line.

“I’m not.”

He nods. “I heard you.”

“Yeah, but you don’t seem like you believe me.”

He chucks another one and then turns to meet her eyes. “That’s because I don’t.”

And, well.

She doesn’t owe any sort of explanation to him anyway.

.

“So,” Kim starts at the end of the day, standing by Trini’s locker and Trini can’t even look at her, can’t bring herself to do it.

Keeps hearing, the Kim you’re in love with, over and over in her head. Zack’s stupid voice.

Stupid words.

Stupid Zack, always making things more complicated.

“Yeah?” Trini prods, because it’s rude to ignore someone you’re not technically mad at. It’s rude to ignore your best friend at all.

“I, um…Have fun with your brothers tonight, I guess.”

That’s when Trini remembers that she’ll be babysitting alone for the first time since before Rita–since before meeting Kim. She’ll have to deal with Diego and Alex not wanting to do their homework on her own and Kim won’t be there after bedtime to watch cooking shows in the dark living room with.

Which is fine.

Because Trini isn’t needy. She doesn’t need to spend every single Friday with Kim like some standing date.

Date.

“Right,” she says and tugs the last of her books out. “Have fun on your date .”

If she spits that last word–if she slams their shared locker door a little too hard–she doesn’t mean to. And it doesn’t mean anything when she’s scared to look back at Kim as she leaves, scared to see her reaction.

.

At home, she tries to smother herself with a pillow only to be interrupted by a phone call.

“Hey,” Jason says when she answers. He sounds anxious and Trini closes her eyes against her growing migraine. “Could you…I don’t know what to wear. Could you maybe come over and help me?”

Like she’s some sort of dating-Kimberly-Hart expert. Like she’s a dating expert at all .

The clock on her phone says 3:47. The date isn’t until 7:00 .

Trini sighs. “Be there in five minutes.”

.

Jason answers the door like he’s just run a marathon. He looks sickly, his blue eyes darting around nervously as his hand clasps around her wrist and drags her inside and down the hall to his bedroom.

“Sorry,” he says, once the door is closed. “My mom knows I’m…” He trails off. “And if she sees you, she may think you’re who I’m taking to dinner.”

Trini nods. She gets it.

Mrs. Scott is almost as overbearing as her own mother–something that her and Jason had only just begun to bond over before this whole date fiasco started. Now, she’s–

Now she’s fine. Because this is fine.

Jason is her friend and Kim is her friend and this is totally fine .

“So…You’re taking Kim to dinner then?”

Her curiosity gets the best of her, bubbling up in her chest and her stomach and making her feel antsy. She taps her foot against his bedroom floor and takes a seat on his messy bed, pushing a couple of dirty t-shirts onto the floor to make room for herself.

Does curiosity always feel so nauseating?

Jason crosses his arms over his chest and looks towards his open closet, his messy dresser drawers, all of them pulled out and torn apart. “Yeah,” he says. “That, um…that pizza place over on Maple?”

She nods. Her brother ate seven slices of pepperoni there last month and upchucked on checkered table cloth. Good times.

Of course, she doesn’t tell Jason that because he looks nervous enough already without hearing about her kid brother puking everywhere in the same restaurant where he’s about to take Kimberly Hart on a date.

“You good?” she asks. “You look sick.”

And he does.

Jason nods and uncrosses his arms to wipe his palms on his jeans. “Yeah, I’m good, I’m just…”

But even he doesn’t seem to know what he really is, and the subject is promptly dropped.

“Okay.”

She pulls herself to her feet and edges around him to his closet and pushes around at a couple of flannels he has hung up inside it. “What were you thinking, clothes-wise?” she asks, because all the shirts look pretty much the same, most of them checkered blue and red.

Jason shrugs and he doesn’t seem to know what he’s allowed to do with his hands, because he keeps moving them around–stuffing them in his pockets, running his fingers through his hair, rubbing his face with his palms.

“Dude, are you sure you’re okay?” she asks. “Because, like…You look like you’re gonna ralph”

“I just…” He looks away and then crosses the room to sit in her recently vacated spot on his bed. “I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do or say tonight. I just feel like…This should be easy, right? If it’s meant to be?“

Trini knows that feeling–feels it pretty much every time she’s left alone with Kim, but it had been the most poignant that first afternoon alone, before they’d defeated Rita. She’d made a fool of herself going out for coffee with the other girl–hadn’t known whether she should hold the door open for her and ended up slamming it shut on Kim’s face. She hadn’t known whether or not she’d been meant to pay for her own half or not and ended up accidentally making Kim pay for the whole thing and then–

It hadn’t been pretty, but she’d like to think it’s gotten simpler since then.

Still not perfect by any means, but definitely not the disaster of that first afternoon.

“Hey, Kim is easy, okay?” Trini says, but it’s a lie and it comes out sounding like some sort of comment about something else entirely. She blushes and Jason gives her an odd look at her phrasing. “What I mean is–” She starts, clearing her throat. “–is that she’s not gonna, like, judge you or anything. She has like endless chances for us weirdos.”

Jason smiles in relief at her words. “Don’t lump me in with you,” he jokes and Trini smiles, the mood suddenly a good deal lighter than it had been mere moments before.

“Just open the door for her. Hold her chair out. Ask her questions, I guess. She doesn’t like to talk about herself unless you make her, but it makes her feel better to do it, so…And she might try to steal your food, but just let her because she makes this really cute face when she thinks she’s gotten away with it.”

Jason is looking at her weird again, his eyes narrowed and Trini looks away, back at his closet.

“How about this one?” she asks, pulling out a button-down shirt that looks exactly like the others.

But Jason seems pleased. He smiles and takes it and makes Trini turn around as he changes.

It isn’t until 6:00 when she’s making sure his hair looks decent that Trini realizes what she’s helping him prepare for.

“Thanks,” he says on his way out, his keys jingling faintly in his hand as he makes his way to his recently-repaired truck.

Trini nods and swallows around the lump in her throat, wonders vaguely if she might be getting sick. Other than the faint, persistent nausea, though, she feels completely fine.

“Have fun on your date,” she says and the words sound wrong coming out of her mouth, leave her tongue feeling heavy.

Jason nods and smiles as he backs down the driveway.

Trini almost follows him. She even starts to–heading down those familiar back roads to Kim’s house–but she stops herself before she gets too far and pulls over on the side of the road.

“What the fuck is happening?” she whispers, head against the steering wheel.

Jason’s tail lights disappear up ahead and it’s only once they’ve completely disappeared that Trini turns around and drives herself home.

.

Her parents leave at eight for their weekly scheduled date night and her brothers’ long division homework does little to distract her. Trini feels sick–like she’s trapped in some sort of funhouse mirror, stretching and pulling and shrinking again until her insides are a jumbled, sick mess.

Zack texts her once around nine with a stupid meme she doesn’t fully understand and Billy sends a picture of his cat about twenty minutes later with a message that just says, You feel off. Maxwell wanted to say hi. Call me if you need me! :)

The offer’s nice and all, but all it does is remind her of why she feels off. And why she doesn’t want to think about why she feels off.

Twenty minutes after she puts the boys to bed–when she’s flopped back on the couch trying to take some sort of enjoyment in the way Gordon Ramsay is yelling on screen–the doorbell rings.

She contemplates just leaving it. Her dad forgets his keys sometimes and hates pulling out the hide-a-key rock they have by the front stoop because “the neighbors might catch on”, but being forced to out his secret is punishment enough for forgetting them again .

But then it rings again. More insistently. Loud enough to wake Diego and Alex.

She pulls herself to her feet and grumbles all the way to the front door, unlocking it and ripping it open. “Mom, you gotta start making sure he grabs his keys before you guys–” she starts, and then promptly cuts herself off.

Jason is standing on her porch with the shirt she picked out for him tugged up around his elbows. He’s kicking at the wooden steps and shifting his weight and he says, “Hey,” when she sees that it’s him.

That damn lump in her throat is back. “What do you want?” she asks, meaning it to sound harsh, but comes out insecure and a little wobbly.

“I, um…” He shuffles just the tiniest bit closer and his posture very nearly has her pitying him.

“How’d it go?”

The question is out of her mouth before she can even stop herself. Jason’s head tilts up as her words hit him and she gets the answer from the way his eyes drop.

This time, it’s her that tugs him into the house.

.

They’ve got maybe twenty minutes before her parents get back. Thirty, at the most, but that’s only if her mom decided dessert was worth it for the night and she usually doesn’t, citing that “room for dessert” means you did not have enough to eat at dinner.

Trini rolls her eyes at the thought and realizes too late that Jason must think it’s directed at him.

Which, it is. But only a little.

She doesn’t want to talk about that.

“What went wrong?” she asks and Jason shrugs, tosses his hands up in the air.

“I don’t know!” he says. “It was just…it was weird. I thought maybe…”

He doesn’t have to finish. He’d thought that it wouldn’t be weird, that the stars would finally align because, based on every group dynamic ever made, Fred and Daphne always end up together.

But that metaphor pretty much sucks. Mostly because she’s pretty sure that makes her Scooby.

Jason is too big for her couch. He looks humongous and out of place, but he presses his face to his knees at an awkward angle, and she’s pitying him before she realizes why. Disgust twists in her chest a second later, because a tiny thrill of pride had shot through her when she’d realized the date hadn’t gone well, and what kind of friend does that make her?

“Wanna be specific or am I gonna have to prod the rest of it out of you?”

She pokes his ribs, making him squirm, and then he finally pulls himself upright.

“We didn’t have anything to talk about,” he tells her. “We just sat there for, like, twenty minutes in silence. It was weird! And…I tried to hold her hand on the way into the restaurant and she just…I don’t know.”

Trini’s not sure if that’s meant to convey that Kim had pulled away or that she’d been superbly and shockingly terrible at holding hands in the first place. She’d go with the latter, if only for the comedy of the thought, but she knows it’s not true.

Because she’s held Kim’s hand exactly three times–once after Kim had confessed everything that happened with Amanda two months ago; once on the couch just two weeks ago; and the other just earlier on in the week when they’d been patrolling through the streets for anything strange.

Kim’s hands are warm without being sweaty, soft without being clammy. Her grip isn’t too firm.

It’s not like Trini has held a hundred different hands in her life, but she’s pretty sure Kim’s would be at the top of her list even if she had .

“It just felt wrong,” Jason admits. “And then we talked and I just…I realized why . Or…I don’t know.”

Trini’s head spins. She has so many questions, she’s not sure where to even begin

“Maybe you went about it the wrong way,” Trini tries. She really wants to be supportive because Jason is her teammate and her friend and she wants Kim to be happy. And if Jason can make her happy, then she’s gonna damn well do her best to make sure he does . “She’s…Kim is sorta hard to pin down. It took me a while to get her, but she’s…I don’t know. You’ll get there.”

Jason is quiet for a long time, just kind of slumped over with his face pressed into his hand, his elbow braced on his thigh. Trini isn’t sure what she’s supposed to say and Gordon Ramsay is saying, “You’re a fucking lunatic!” on screen, so she watches him storm out of whatever restaurant he’s trying to fix and waits for the silence to be broken.

But the moment it is, she wishes it hadn’t been. Because Jason says, “You’re a good friend, Trini. You really care about her,” in this super insistent way she doesn’t know what to say to.

“I mean, she’s my friend, so I–” she starts, but Jason’s eyes really should be illegal.

They’re too blue, too easy to turn into watery messes that you can’t turn down.

She sighs. “Yeah, I do,” she says, and it’s at least enough to get him out of her house before her parents get home.

.

did you guys miss me?

The message comes through while Trini is lying in bed an hour or so later, just kinda staring up at the exposed wood of her ceiling, that messy dent she hasn’t quite gotten around to patching up yet.

Her phone blinds her eyes and she doesn’t know how to say no because the answer is yes.

The boys did, she sends back and it’s read immediately, making Trini’s heart flutter.

Somewhere across town, Kim is lying in bed with her phone open waiting for Trini to text her.

just the boys?

Trini sighs. Yep, she types, then, how was your date with our dear captain? even though she already knows the answer.

It goes unanswered, but read, for probably about two full minutes before Kim finally texts back.

fine, it says, and then, i gotta sleep. see you tomorrow.

Kim, it seems, isn’t anymore willing to talk about what happened, and Trini shouldn’t, but she’s relieved for a moment before the disgust sinks in.

She really is the worst.

I’ll help you, she texts Jason a minute or two later and the response she gets is immediate.

.

“You seem better,” Billy chirps happily when she swings into detention the next morning.

He’s already at his desk with some homework pulled out, hands folded neatly on his lap, and his smile is impossible to ignore.

“I’m fine, Billy,” she tells him. It’s not necessarily a lie, just a marginal bending of the truth.

He nods. “Okay. Well…Maxwell says hi.” He smirks at his own cleverness and Trini smiles.

“Cool,” she says. “Tell him I said hi back.”

And then she’s in her corner of the room, burying her face in her English homework and ignoring the way Kim’s look burns into her face when she climbs down the steps a minute or two later.

Jason comes slinking down just before Mr. Narvy and he throws a note at Trini’s head as soon as roll call is finished.

what’s the plan? it reads, in scratchy mostly illegible letters.

Trini sighs and glances at the back of his head and then across the room where Kim is sitting, her head lowered over her homework. She’s bouncing her leg like she sometimes does when she’s taking a test in Biology. It’s a movement that Trini has become more than a little familiar with since the beginning of the school year–since before they officially met–and it makes her smile a little distantly.

She scribbles down her plan as quickly as she can manage and chucks it at his head, then pulls out another piece of paper, writing out A wild Jason appears! at the top of it in as close to Jason’s handwriting as she can manage.

It hits the back of Jason’s head with a painful looking thump. He whips around to glare at her in confusion and she just mouths, “Throw it to Kim,” with a particular harsh jut of her head towards the girl in question.

So he throws it to Kim.

It lands on her desk and she immediately stops bouncing her leg, head twisting around to look at Trini, as if the note had come from her, which…it had . But she catches Jason smiling at her instead.

Trini watches the exchange out of the corner of her eye and then the note is being discreetly tossed her way by Jason a second later.

All it says is, hey .

Which, for Kim, is wildly solemn.

Jason is watching her and Trini’s heart is pounding in her ears. The fact that it’s not her own name she’s writing down doesn’t make her feel any better.

Jason uses ASK TO A MOVIE TONIGHT.

Her hands tremble as she waits, which is stupid of course because it’s not like she’s asking Kim out (even if she is ).

Technicalities.

Kim is smiling. Trini can see that cute (what?) little curve of her lips from where she’s sitting. It must be a big smile.

She’s pretty sure she’s having a heart attack.

The answer she gets a minute later is, sounds good!

She should feel proud, maybe. Because she just asked out a pretty girl, because the pretty girl said yes, even though the way she went about it was possibly the dorkiest, quasi-lamest thing she could have done.

It’s not clear what expression she expects from Jason when she sends the note chain back to him with she likes dramas–bring tissues scribbled on the front, but mild disappointment certainly isn’t it.

.

At least training is cancelled.

A silver lining perhaps, but Kim flakes out after detention and Trini isn’t sure what she’s supposed to do now that she’s gotten Jason another date, so she goes to the mine anyway.

Zack is already there, swinging his legs over the edge of the cliff.

“You look pissed,” he says as she slumps down into the dirt beside him. “How’s the whole Cyrano de Bergerac thing working for you?”

She frowns, momentarily confused and Zack shrugs.

“What?” he asks. “I read.”

.

Jason calls her a couple of hours later, freaking out about movie times and choices.

“I don’t know, dude,” she says and resists the urge to chuck her phone into a rock.

Zack chuckles humorlessly from his spot on top of the train car. She flips him off.

“It’s like you’ve never dated a girl before,” she says, and it really is.

Not that she has either–not that she has much experience–but she’s been to the movies with Kim. She’s sat beside her in a mostly-dark room with one bucket of popcorn between them and felt the exact same nervousness that’s probably jumping in Jason’s throat right now.

Mostly, she just hates knowing that her and Jason have that much in common, so when he says, “You’re right. It’ll be fine,” a minute later, it’s satisfaction she feels when the line clicks dead.

.

He doesn’t show up on her doorstep that night, which she takes as a good sign.

For him.

Around ten, he texts her the thumbs up emoji. She doesn’t want to think about what that means.

.

“How are things with Jason?”

Trini asks it out of obligation, out of some masochistic tendency that she relies on like bad limp. She doesn’t want to know. Or, rather, 90% of her doesn’t want to know. It’s that rogue 10% that would much rather her be left a crying mess on the floor with her hard-to-process feelings.

Except they’re not so hard.

“Good,” Kim says and she’s cradling her paper coffee cup in her hands and exhaling bright, white curling air that spreads upwards, chilled and freezing microscopically.

Trini nods and presses her coffee further between her knees, bundling into her coat and trying to ignore the cold metal of the park bench beneath her legs.

It’s quiet. Trini lets the unspoken reasoning behind her brief, unimportant interrogation settle into the space between them, which doesn’t say much because there’s not much space. Kim’s arm is pressed up against her own and Trini wants to move and doesn’t in equal, confusing parts.

“Are you…” She’s not certain how she wants to ask that. Mostly because she’s only had a couple of days to come to terms with where this has been heading since she met Kim on that stupid cliff two months ago.

Her dumb, teenage heart got away from her and now she can’t so much as look at Kim without imagining Jason kissing her. The thought makes her sick. The thought of Kim with anyone (else) has made her sick for a while now, but she’s only just now begun to understand the reasoning behind it.

“Yeah?” Kim prods and she’s looking at her now.

Trini meets her eyes, but barely–refuses to get lost in the darkness of their color, that beautiful shadow around Kim’s pupils that spins her out of control every time.

Trini tries to hide the severity of the moment by taking a sip of her coffee, wincing at the bitterness, but relishing in its warmth. She’s not sure who’s idea it was to sit in the park in the middle of November, but she’s fairly certain that her nose is never going to be warm ever again.

“Are you going to go out again?” she asks, once the scalding coffee has slipped down her throat.

Kim looks away. “I don’t know,” she says. “Maybe. If he asks.”

Quiet again.

And then Kim bumps Trini’s shoulder with her own. “The beanie actually makes more sense in the winter,” she jokes and the image of Jason pressing his hands into the graceful convex of Kim’s waist makes her swallow a little more thickly than usual.

.

Billy brings her some cookies that night, the kind you can find at every other grocery store. The somewhat chalky, sprinkled kind that mostly just taste like processed sugar and food dye.

It’s a nice thought and Trini eats three of them on the couch while Billy sits beside her and reads.

“Is this because Jason and Kimberly are dating now?” he asks and Trini doesn’t think there’s any point in answering because that’s all this has ever been about.

She likes Billy and his gentle voice, the way he’s always trying to perk everyone up, no matter what the circumstance. She especially likes how good he is at it.

“You should talk to Kimberly,” he says a little later and she’s got her head on his shoulder, feeling the way he moves as he chews one of those cookies. “Nothing else is gonna help.”

And of course he’s right. He’s Billy. And Billy is never wrong.

.

But the timing doesn’t seem right. She doubts that it ever really will.

Kim comes over that night–just hefts herself through Trini’s window like she sometimes does on nights when it’s late and she gets antsy, or when she can’t sleep and knows that Trini will be awake. It’s late and Trini is lying in her bed with the lamp off and the thing is, she’s so used to this at this point that she doesn’t even jump when she hears the window creak open.

(even though the first time it had happened, it had been enough to send her into some sort of Rita-induced PTSD flashback that had taken Kim twenty minutes to talk her down from)

“Sorry,” Kim mumbles, when she knocks a stack of drawings off of Trini’s desk and Trini jumps up to help her gather them.

“What are you doing here?” Trini asks, kneeling on the floor with Kim and pushing papers together like some sort of movie-script meet-cute.

Kim smiles at her sheepishly, her eyes dark in the shadows. “I wanted to see you,” she says and the words thump hotly through Trini’s veins even though the meaning is probably different than what she hears.

What she feels.

“Okay, weirdo,” she mutters, half-joking and then Kim is lying on the covers beside her in her bed.

They’re silent for a long time, Trini’s lip trembling as she tries to figure out the best way to out herself. To say, I want you to date me, not Jason . Without scaring Kim away.

But her confidence unfolds under Kim’s gaze and the feeling leaves her empty as fear creeps up her spine.

And then Kim reaches out and grabs her hand, squeezing her fingers gently. “What’s wrong with you?” she asks. “You’ve been weird lately.”

Trini doesn’t have a good answer for that, not one that has zero chance of sending Kim running into the night. She shrugs. “I’m okay.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

Trini sighs, hating the way she feels dizzy and wired at the same time from the mere offer.

“No,” she says. “I’m good.”

Kim doesn’t buy it. She rolls her eyes and then stares Trini down so intensely that Trini has to pull her hand free in order to lessen the severity of the moment.

It’s a teen movie scene, but Trini isn’t the protagonist and by all laws of 90’s rom-coms, Kim should be in Jason’s room right now, sharing this moment with him and not the best friend that is probably in love with her. Maybe.

Because the protagonist should kiss the love interest here. It should be that great moment before the low point, when everything is going okay and then something happens. Something humiliating or just enough that it breaks them apart, that everything is bleak for about ten minutes of screen time before the grand romantic gesture–the running through the streets, the song on the jukebox, the big banner declaring their love.

Trini hates that sort of thing because big moments like that only happen after something awful.

It feels more like a misguided apology than an actual revelation.

For a second, she’s certain that Kim is looking at her lips–that they’re both leaning forward and that she’s moments away from what might be the greatest kiss of her life But–

Nothing happens. Either she pulls away or Kim does or all of it was imaginary in the first place.

“You can talk to me, you know,” Kim tells her, voice soft and careful as it blows through the air between them. “About anything.”

The prospect of it is meaningful, but Trini is fairly certain it would fall apart in practice.

What straight girl would be okay with their best female friend harboring some pretty intense feelings for them?

She has a lot of faith in Kim–this girl lying in bed with her in the dark, who crawled up the side of her house in the middle of the night to ask if she’s okay–but trust can only do so much.

.

It’s not two days later when Jason comes to her again.

“Okay,” he says, in the middle of the cafeteria, waiting for Trini to figure out if she wants strawberry or chocolate milk. Mostly, she’s trying not to look at him. The milk doesn’t matter. “So the movie thing was great, but we’ve gotta talk tonight. And…we’re okay around you guys, but alone? I don’t know. That’s what was so bad the first time.”

“I can’t help you talk, Jason,” she tells him.

She picks chocolate because she doesn’t want to look at anything pink right now.

“I can help you ask her out, I can tell you what kind of movies she likes, I can tell you that nine times out of ten, she’ll greet you by saying, ‘Wazz poppin’, but I can’t talk for you.”

Billy is sitting at the table and she loves him, she really does.

(hell, she loves all of them, and maybe that’s what’s screwing her over)

But he must hear that last part, because he smiles as they take their seats. “Actually,” he says, “you might be able to.”

.

“Can you guys tell me what the plan is again? Cause I’m pretty sure it’s stupid, but I want to be really sure, y’know?”

Trini glances over at Zack, sitting on Jason’s bed with this stupid smug look on his face.

She likes him sometimes, but not when he insists on being solely expository.

“So, I’ve got Jason hooked up with a couple microphones and this hidden chest harness for my GoPro and Trini is gonna monitor his date with Kimberly to make sure nothing awkward happens.”

“So…Would you call this a double date?” Zack asks, still smirking. “Or…I guess, a tricycle, maybe?”

Billy looks at him, confused, and then goes back to strapping the harness over Jason’s undershirt, where it’ll be hidden by his button-down and tie.

“Thanks for doing this again, Trini,” Jason says, beaming. “I…I just want tonight to go well. Third date and all.”

“Right.” She swallows around the bile in her throat. “Well, you know me. Resident Kim expert. Here to help.”

Her head is starting to pound and Kim isn’t supposed to arrive for another twenty minutes. There’s something to standing in this room with three boys, preparing one of them for a date with the girl she likes.

Maybe loves.

Or…Whatever.

Doesn’t matter.

Because Kim is her friend . Her best friend and she’s worked for it, so fucking hard for the past two months. She learned how to handle Kim on her own–learned her quirks and her habits–and she didn’t just ask her out on a date in an attempt to wing it and then beg someone else for help.

She doesn’t care, of course. Because if Jason makes Kim happy, then so be it.

She can be supportive.

Witness her being supportive. She feels her eyelid twitch.

Maybe she could fake food poisoning and guilt Kim into taking care of her like she did when she had a cold last month. Kim could make her that cheddar chicken noodle soup again and they watch bad reality TV in Trini’s bedroom and–

That sounds a lot like a date.

Maybe Jason should fake food poisoning.

“How do I look?” Jason asks, turning a little so they can see.

The camera is hidden well behind his tie, but Trini is skeptical on how they’ll even be able to see . Billy looks proud. He claps his hands together.

“Good,” she manages.

The doorbell rings and Jason waves her off to answer it so he can make sure his hair looks alright.

Kim looks beautiful and Trini immediately stops wondering why Jason wanted her to meet him here instead of him picking her up. Stops caring. Because Kim is wearing a skirt and Trini’s seen her legs before, of course, but it’s different like this somehow, in the low light of the cold evening.

She’s shivering too.

“Hi,” Trini says and Kim pushes her way inside.

“Hey,” she says in the foyer, the door still open a little. “Why are you here?”

Her tone is a little more uneven than usual, the inquisition raising up at the end and Trini frowns, trying to think of a good reason.

“Oh, well…being supportive,” she lies. “Zack and Billy are here too.”

Kim nods. “Is Jason ready?”

She seems tense, for some reason. Her shoulders are hiked up higher than usual and her tone is biting now, a little annoyed. Trini has no idea why.

“I think so.”

Silence descends and Trini sniffs, trying to break it, if only for a moment.

It hardly works.

“You look…wow,” she says and Kim brightens a little, her shoulders drooping.

Trini reminds herself that she shouldn’t hurt like this, because she’s doing this for Kim (and for the dizzying rush she gets every time Kim smiles at her now, but she’s trying not to factor that in right now).

“Thanks,” Kim says and her voice is low, hardly a whisper. “So do you.”

Her eyes drop down to inspect Trini’s outfit like she’s never seen it before, even though it’s the same thing she wore to school earlier. The moment is nearly too much. If Kim weren’t dressed and ready for a date with someone else, it would be overwhelming for a lot of reasons.

In any case, Jason comes in a second later and greets Kim with a boyish smile that makes Trini shrink into the corner soundlessly.

“You look great,” he says and Kim smiles–different than the one she’d sent Trini for her similar comment.

“Thank you,” she responds and then they’re out the door, Kimberly sending a little wave as they back out of the driveway and head towards town.

Trini watches them through the window and the moment is so stiff and unyielding for a second that she doesn’t even know what to do.

And then Billy says, “We should probably get ready, huh?” and the moment is broken.

Thankfully.

.

At least it’s not the pizza place again.

Granted, it’s still Italian food, but that’s pretty much the only kind of restaurants Angel Grove has anymore, as if Rita’s gold monster had had a vendetta against fast food chains or something.

She snorts at the thought of Jason taking Kimberly Hart on a third date to McDonald’s.

“What’s so funny, pip squeak?” Zack asks from the cramped back of her car. His knees are practically in his chest and Trini rolls her eyes at him.

“Nothing,” she says.

Billy has his laptop out and is hooking it up to the camera on Jason’s chest, to the microphone in the pocket of his shirt. “Do you need to be alone?” Billy asks her and she gives him a confused look. “When you woo her? That can get pretty personal.”

Her face flushes and Zack cackles in the back, slapping the seat with the flat of his hand for effect. “I’m not wooing her, Billy,” she says. “I’m just here if Jason needs to phone a friend.”

Billy shrugs and goes back to fiddling with his computer. “If you say so.”

Jason’s truck is in the parking lot of the restaurant, just three down from where Trini is parked. They can see through the windows, but not much further than the front entrance. Jason had held the door open for Kim as they’d gone in and she imagines them holding hands on the table top.

Her stomach twists.

“–sea this time of year,” comes Jason’s voice, suddenly, through the speakers of Billy’s computer.

Trini whips her head around to look and is immediately faced with the somewhat blurry image of Kim across a table. She has her elbow leaned on the tabletop, her chin rested prettily in her palm. Trini sucks in a breath and holds it.

“Yeah, that’s true,” she drawls, sounding bored. “Weather is funky like that.”

Trini smirks at her vocabulary and ignores the look Zack is giving her.

The silence between the two is palpable, even through a damn computer screen. It’s actually a little painful to witness and Trini starts to rethink her entire life leading up to this moment.

“This is not going well,” Billy cuts in as they watch their friends order their food and then return to sitting in silence.

Trini can’t look away from Kim, at the bored, taut expression on her face. The way she keeps looking to her left, where she assumes a window is sitting. She must be eager to leave and Trini feels bad, immediately, for the thrill this realization sends through her.

Suddenly, there’s a loud thump in the speakers and Billy glances at her.

“I think that’s your cue,” he says.

And, it is.

“I don’t think even you can fix this, Trin,” Zack says and she reaches back a hand to shove him just as Billy passes her the speaker they have attached to the tiny earpiece Jason is wearing.

“Hey, Jase,” she says into it and the image of Kim on the screen jostle, as though he’s been started. She rolls her eyes. “It’s me, weirdo. Act natural, or she’s gonna know something is up. Don’t just sit there, weirdo. This is awful. Ask how her day was.”

On the screen, she can see Kim move as Jason clears his throat. “So,” he starts, “how was your day?”

The smile she sends is blinding. “It was okay,” she says. “Coulda been worse. I could have been pushed off a cliff.”

Trini frowns at the reference, at the way it ignites her chest. It doesn’t make sense for to be bringing that up. Not unless Jason knows about their first meeting.

But he doesn’t.

Because he stays silent and then she says, “How was yours?”

“Okay,” he returns.

Silence again. Trini runs a hand through her hair.

“Jesus, dude,” she says into the speaker. “You’ve talked to humans before, right?”

He doesn’t answer, of course, because he can’t, but she hopes the point got across regardless.

“Ask about her interests, okay? Ask what her favorite movie is,” she suggests. “She’s gonna say Breakfast at Tiffany’s, but it’s really ClueTell her you like that movie if she does that, okay? She’ll probably do her Tim Curry impression. It’s cute. You won’t have to pretend to laugh.”

Jason is quiet for a second and then he follows orders.

Now, it’s not just Zack who’s staring at her. It’s Billy, too. And she knows why.

This is ridiculous and super masochistic, but she’s in too deep already. If she can’t have Kim, the least she can do is make sure that whoever does appreciates the right things.

True to form, Kim says Breakfast at Tiffany’s but brightens up the moment Jason mentions Clue. Her laugh is brilliant–this bright, white thing in Trini’s chest–when it comes through Billy’s laptop.

The conversation doesn’t last long enough to make the following silence less unbearable. Trini’s starting to think it’s always going to be back to square one.

Fortunately, their food arrives and that buys her some time.

Not much, but some.

“Dogs or cats?” Jason asks a couple minutes into their meal, as per Trini’s instructions and Kim cites back the answer Trini had already prepared him for verbatim.

For a moment, Trini is able to imagine that it’s her sitting across from Kim at that table, that they’re on their third date and there isn’t any weird tension. That things are perfect and Kim is smiling at her and Zack’s stupid, knowing looks are nowhere near her.

“Just fucking talk about something, man,” Trini says a little later, because she’s getting frustrated beyond reason, now.

It’s almost like Jason is trying to bomb this.

“This is nice,” Jason says. “I’m glad you decided to try this again. I know the first date was…weird.”

And–

There they go.

That doesn’t sound nearly as stilted as the rest of the conversations did.

Kim is nodding and running her fingers through the ends of her hair. Trini can hardly breathe at the sight. “Me too,” she says.

The silence is basically square one. Kim and Jason’s super weird reset button that gets pressed every thirty seconds.

“Can I ask, though,” Kim says and Billy glances over at her. Trini frowns at him, looks back at the screen. “What do you want this to be?”

Jason must wiggle or something because the camera jostles a little too violently and then slants to the side.

Zack tugs the speaker from Trini’s hand and says, “Yo, dude, you fucked the camera up,” into it.

Jason must hear, too, because he says, “I…Can you give me a second? My phone is buzzing.”

It definitely isn’t, and the frown Kim gives him is a good indicator that she knows it, but Jason gets up from the table anyway and Trini watches (sideways) as he pushes his way through the dining room and out the side door. When she looks up through the windshield, he’s there, barreling towards her car in shaky, frightened movements that almost seem over exaggerated.

She rolls the window down and Billy gets out of the car to adjust the camera.

“It’s like you want her to figure out I’m out here feeding you lines,” Trini tells him and Jason gives her this weird look she can’t interpret.

She doesn’t have the mental capacity for it right then.

“How am I supposed to answer that question?” he asks, sounding panicked.

Trini sighs. “You don’t know what you want from this?” she asks and Zack peeks his head around the chair, pressing his temple into hers, but she doesn’t push him away. “Why did you even ask her out, then?”

That, somehow, seems like a harder question for him. His eyes widen in alarm.

“Okay…” She sighs again and pushes her forehead to the steering wheel for a moment, thinking over her options. “Go back in,” she says. “Go in there and I’ll…I’ll help you, okay?”

Jason nods and Billy finishes fixing the camera.

“Thank you,” he half-whispers, and then he books it back inside.

“Sorry about that,” they hear over the laptop.

Kim smiles placidly. “Sure. Everything okay?”

Jason doesn’t respond, which must mean he nodded or something. “To answer your question,” he starts a second later, and Billy pushes the speaker into her hand again. Zack pulls his head away and then looks out the window.

Trini closes her eyes.

“To answer your question,” she repeats, buying him time like he’s thinking because she’s thinking. She’s lining up all her reasons in a row.

Because she shouldn’t have signed up for this. This stupid, pathetic third-wheel living where it’s almost like she’s on a date with Kim if she squints her eyes and tilts her head.

She’s not . Jason is.

Jason is on his third date with Kim, to be specific.

And that hurts more than she’ll ever be able to compromise.

She doesn’t know why he wants to date Kim, that’s part of the problem. But she has her own reasons. And she’ll never tell them to Kim, never say them out loud in any way that means anything. But maybe this is enough for now.

“I wanna be with you, Kim. I…I wasn’t sure for the longest time. I thought…I thought if I told myself enough times over that what I felt for you wasn’t real, then it couldn’t hurt me. You couldn’t hurt me, but…”

She trails off, and she’s not certain, but she doesn’t think she can hear Jason repeating her. She looks to Billy for help, but he doesn’t seem perturbed by it, which must mean nothing is wrong.

So she presses on.

“I think I’m the only person I can’t lie to. Not really. And I think you’re a close second,” she says. “I wanna be with you. Only you. For as long as you’ll have me. Because…because when I met you, it wasn’t anything special. Not that first time. But every time since then has been something else. You are something else. And I–”

Her voice cracks and her hands are shaking. Zack is breathing down her neck like he wants to reach out and comfort her, but doesn’t know enough to.

“I wanna go on a hundred bad dates with you. A thousand good ones. You’re worth every moment. Even the bad ones.” She takes a shaky breath and she can hear Jason on the other end.

She can hear him say, “This is what I was trying to tell you,” which is a good enough ending for what she’d been trying to say.

When she looks up at the screen, Kim is staring at what she assumes must be Jason’s head–that spot right above the actual camera–and her eyes are watering a little. If it’s something she can see through the pixelation, she gathers it must be a pretty emotional response.

“Yeah,” she says. “That’s enough for me.”

And then her eyes finally lock onto the camera. The same camera that’s supposed to be hidden, that she’s not supposed to know about.

“Where is she?” she asks and Trini’s heart beats out a confused, panicked tempo in her ears.

“What?” she asks, no one in particular.

“Outside,” Jason says. “She’s right outside.”

“Can she hear me?”

Trini whips her head over to look at Billy, who is staring at her expectantly. To look back at Zack who is also watching, also waiting.

Kim is looking into the camera at her and her mouth is opening like she’s going to say something–like she’s going to finish off whatever cruel joke this is.

She could hear her?

So, Trini does what she always does–that fun thing she’s never been fully proud of.

She opens her car door, gets out, and runs all the way home.

.

By the time she gets home, she can’t feel her legs, which she’d be worried about, but she can’t even wrap her mind around anything other than the memory of Kim’s voice saying, can she hear me, can she hear me, can she hear me. Her front porch light is off and her parents are upstairs no doubt, her brothers in bed already.

Trini doesn’t want to go inside. Can’t even bring herself to it.

She slumps down on the porch and closes her eyes, grits her teeth, tries to focus.

Kim had heard her say all of that. Jason had somehow turned whatever radio connection that had into some sort of grand public humiliation event. She’d guess, based on Zack and Billy’s looks that they’d known, too. That they’d known it was coming.

Jason must have figured out her feelings for Kim and decided to teach her a lesson. It was only a matter of time.

Her hands tremble.

“Trini!”

And Kim–always Kim–is running down the street after.

That grand romantic gesture she never wanted, because it means the other person messed up. Because it means things are far from perfect.

Trini stands up, fists balled at her side, and wills herself not to cry. “What do you want?” she snarls. “Come to get a good laugh?”

Kim steps back from where she’s stopped in front of her and it’s unfair that Trini aches for her to come back immediately, to be closer. “I’m not here to laugh at you, Trini,” she says, but it’s not convincing.

“Oh, sure.”

She turns on her heel, intent on going inside to hide away from all of this. To possibly stop being a person forever.

Sorry to inform you that Trini’s existence has been cancelled altogether. Thank you for your understanding .

“Trini!” Kim says and Trini is drawn to her. Always. She stops walking halfway up the porch steps, but she doesn’t turn around. Not yet. “Why did you run?”

“Why do you think , Kim?”

She can practically see the cogs moving in Kim’s head, the way she starts to put things together. Still, it takes her a minute.

“Jason meant well, I think! He…I didn’t know what he was doing. I thought he just–”

She cuts herself off and then laughs, a little self-deprecating and Trini finally turns.

“What are you talking about?” she asks, eyebrows drawn together in confusion.

“I’m…” Kim looks beautiful in the streetlight, in the harsh light of the moon above them–dark hair haloed somehow. Trini scoffs and crosses her arms. “I…Did you mean all that stuff? The stuff you said?”

“No,” Trini says immediately. “I was just helping Jason.”

Kim quirks an eyebrow and takes one solid step forward. “You didn’t mean any of it?”

Trini shrugs and looks away. The trees in her yard are far more interesting.

“Jason…I told him, that first date when things got all weird, that I thought I knew the reason why it felt wrong…And he offered to talk to me about it just so I could…I don’t know, process I guess. I think I only said yes to him out of expectation. I think he only asked me out of expectation. We…We’re better as friends. We’d be a dating disaster.”

Trini wants to say that she’s pretty sure her and Kim are already off to a worse start.

“And I know why now,” Kim continues. “Because…Because I want all that stuff with you, too. Every part of it. You’re…You’re the one I want to be with, Trini. If you’ll have me.” When Trini doesn’t answer, she barrels on with defenses, with excuses. “I guess…It’s super fucked up, but Jason was trying to help, I think. I told him that I didn’t think you had a clue about this… thing… between us, and I think he wanted to help you realize it’s there, too.”

She smiles and Trini fights the urge to return it.

The whole thing is fucked up. And sure, Jason and her might have meant well by it–Zack and Billy, too, no doubt because they’d absolutely had to have been a part of this–but…

Kim takes another step forward and the toe of her shoe bumps into the bottom of the steps. “I didn’t know what he was doing until he came back in and…and he told me to listen and…Trini, I would never–”

“I know you wouldn’t,” Trini snaps, cutting her off. She knows how that sentence was going to end. “I’m gonna kick his ass. We don’t live in an episode of Friends. I thought…I thought I was never going to get a chance with you.”

Her fists are still clenched and she’s shaking and she can’t even really process her anger because she’s feeling too many things, holding them all in.

“You could have just talked to me about this. You didn’t need to go to a guy you just fucking went on a date with.”

“That’s bullshit, Trini!” Kim fires back, angry. “You…I thought you were either being a bitch about it or were just super naive. I thought it was obvious what was happening between us and you just…refused to acknowledge it. What was I supposed to think? I didn’t want to lose you!”

The words are harsh in the cool night air and Trini is certain right then that her and Kim might break each other apart a hundred times over before they ever start to fix each other back up.

“No more secrets between us if we’re going to do this, okay? I…I come to you and you come to me and that’s how it’s gotta work.”

Trini’s mind sticks to the if we’re gonna do this part, playing on an endless loop as she stands there.

“From now on, we talk to each other. Deal?” Kim says this with some degree of feeling Trini has never felt for herself.

She shakes her head. “Deal.”

They’re silent for a moment, but a different silence than that awkwardness during her and Jason’s not-date.

“Cards on the table–did you mean all of that? About wanting everything?” Kim asks. “Even the bad moments?”

Trini stares at her in disbelief for a moment and then smiles, tiny and afraid. She takes a step down, closer, hovering just by Kim and murmurs, “Of course I do, you idiot,” and Kim leans up, closer to Trini’s face, closer and closer until she’s all Trini can see and feel and know.

And her lips brush against Trini’s cheek, then jaw.

Trini’s arms come uncrossed and then her hands are on Kim’s shoulders, fingers tightened in her jacket and Kim presses those lips to her jaw one more time as Trini tugs her up, whispering, “Trini,” so quietly it nearly gets lost as Trini finally kisses her and lets her grip loosen.

.

Zack’s, “Where’s my thank you?” gets him a punch in the gut right there in the middle of the hallway the next day at school. Billy gets a half-glare (because it’s impossible to be mad at him) and Jason gets the cold shoulder for half the day and a couple of well-timed, vulgar hand gestures when she catches him throwing his puppy dog eyes her way.

Kim gets three kisses before lunch and a couple of admonishing comments whenever Trini passes one of the boys in the hallway.

“Punish me, too,” Kim says. “I’m just as bad.”

She means it seriously, but too much time around Zack twists the comment in Trini’s head and she wiggles her eyebrows until Kim kisses her again, right against their shared locker.

At lunch that day, Jason slides a note over that just says, A wild apology appears! Jason uses SORRY I FUCKED UP.

She rolls her eyes at him, but it’s hard to stay mad when he so desperately needs a haircut–when the ends of his bangs are starting to curl by his eyes.

A couple minutes later, she steals his pre-packaged cookie and Kim is holding her hand under the table, so when he says, “It’s super effective!” she lets it slide.

It’s not ineffective .

.

She doesn’t really forgive Jason.

Tells him as such that next day at training and then sidesteps a putty so that he gets his ass handed to him on a silver platter.

“Yeah, I um…” he says later, with a bloody nose and one hand messing through his hair. “I guess I deserve that, huh? That was…really…”

Bad , Trini wants to finish.

Later, though, it’s hard to remember why she was ever angry in the first place when Kim has her pressed into her bedroom door once they get to her house, before it’s even fully closed. By that point Jason is nowhere even close to her thoughts.

(nothing regarding him really is, actually)

.

Still, though, it’s basically the worst way they could have ever gotten together.

One of them, anyway. But Trini figures it had to happen sometime.

And at least it didn’t start on a Thursday.

anonymous asked:

hi, sorry if this is a dumb question but, it's revealed that viktor was in love yuuri the whole time in that one episode where it reveals yuuri doesnt remember that one night, and before that they got rings. did they actually get engaged is that what yuuri really meant when he bought those rings ??? and when did they actually start dating?? im a lil confused. especially abt when their relationship turned romantic

Hi anon!!! Not a dumb question at all! All of the things you asked about, I’m afraid, are pretty subjective, but here’s the timeline of Victor and Yuuri’s relationship as I see it. Also, I’d like to note that I’m not going to fill in the gaps (i.e. assume their first kiss was before The Kiss™), I’m just going with what’s canon.

The Victuuri Timeline

PRE - EPISODE 1

  • Victor is on top of the skating world and has lost inspiration. Yuuri has lost the GPF because of his anxiety and is ashamed of himself.
  • The Sochi Banquet Scene (Episode 10) - Yuuri dances with Victor and asks him to be his coach. Victor is enamored at first sight because Yuuri is bright and blazing and beautiful. He hears Yuuri’s request and the idea starts as a spark in his mind.

EPISODE 1

  • Yuuri skates to Victor’s routine, Stammi Vicino (Stay Close to Me) and the triplets record it.
  • Victor sees the video and decides to be Yuuri’s coach. He does this because he remembers how he’d felt during the banquet and because “he skates like his body is creating music.”
  • Victor shows up at the onsen, Yuuri essentially rejects him because he’s Shook™.

At this point in the show, we’re working with two types of love that are not the final product. Victor is infatuated with Yuuri, but he knows next to nothing about him. Yuuri, on the other hand, knows everything about Victor’s public persona, but knows nothing about his private persona. They’re in love with the idea of each other.

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Panic Attacks and Cuddles

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Characters: Reader, Dean, and Sam.

Summary: After a hunt where the reader risked her life Dean is fuming. They both have developed strong feelings for each other and he’s mad she put herself at risk. He yells at her, not realizing the reader has anxiety and had to patch things up.

A/N: My first reader insert~! I used my experiences with anxiety to do this request for fandomsandstuff. I was going to draw a picture to go with this, however with it being a reader insert I decided to go against it. Also there’s a lot of fluff. Like a lot. J

Anxiety was a difficult monster to deal with; it always had been for her.  Right now her anxiety was at an all time high. The hunt hadn’t gone as well as any of them had hoped.  She had almost been seriously hurt. From the backseat of the impala she could feel the tension from Dean. Sam didn’t have the same feeling, but he could understand Y/N was just trying to help and protect them.

Dean was fuming though. He hadn’t even said a word since they had managed to kill the shapeshifter. Y/N squirmed in the backseat, her heart rate and breathing increased. Sam picked up on the feeling of anxiety emitting from her. He looked over at his brother and swallowed.

“Dean ca-“

“Don’t,” was all Dean said in almost a growl. Y/N shuddered at the sound of Dean’s voice. She looked out the window, trying all the tricks she had picked up over the years. She took deep breaths and muttered that it was okay to her. She made sure not to say it too loud that Dean would hear.

Her heart rate increased as they pulled up to the bunker and Baby went silent. She shakily undid her seatbelt, getting out and following the brothers. It felt like it took hours to get into the bunker. She jumped as the door slammed behind Dean.

“What the hell Y/N?” His voice roared. She flinched and looked at the floor, trying to disassociate herself from what was happening. She felt the tears begin to well up.

“Dean,” Sam knew how angry Dean could get when Y/N had been in danger.

“Sam out,” He pointed towards Sam’s room, not making eye contact. Sam gave Y/N an apologetic look as he went to the kitchen instead. He wanted to be near in case he was needed.

“Dean please,” she said shakily. The tears were welling up in her eyes. She was going into her shut down mode she normally went into when she was yelled at.

“No, what the hell were you thinking?” Dean continued yelling, “you could have been killed!”

Y/N let the tears fall, not being able to hold them back. She turned around and ran to her room, slamming the door. She sunk to the floor, her body shaking with the feeling of anxiety.  Her heart just couldn’t slow down and the voice that constantly belittled her would not be silent.

 

“Great job Dean,” Sam walked back  into the room, the sarcasm dripping off his voice. The younger Winchester had come across Y/N during a panic attack and was aware of what yelling did. She had begged him not to tell Dean though, she hadn’t wanted to appear weak to the older man.  

“Shut it Sammy,” Dean snapped, “She shouldn’t be risking her life!”

“She was doing what either of us would have done,” Sam countered, doing his best to keep his voice down. “You don’t need to yell at her,” he said sternly.

“She could have been killed,” Dean shot back, his voice still raised.

“Dean, Y/N can’t handle being yelled at,” Sam said, trying to get his point across, “She has anxiety.”

“What?” Dean’s eyebrows knotted in confusion. He had never seen her as acting in what he’d consider an anxious manner.

“She shuts down when someone starts yelling at her,” Sam crossed his arms, “go talk to her… the only reason you’re mad-“

“Sam,” Dean snapped, turning on his heels and hurrying to Y/N’s room. If Sam was right he’d really messed up. It didn’t take long for him to reach her door. He took a deep breath as he knocked on the door. He heard sniffling from the other side and regretted yelling at her.

“W-what do you want?” her voice trembled. Dean rubbed the back of his neck, would she even let him in? He swallowed again as he prepared himself for what would happen.

“It’s me Y/N,” he said softly, “can I come in?”

He heard her shuffle to stand up and then he heard the creak of the door. He waited for her to open the door fully, which only took a few seconds. She then retreated to her bed, sitting with her knees pulled to her chest. She looked so small and frail to Dean, it hurt his heart. How could he miss the signs?

“Hey sweetheart,” Dean sat next to her, placing his arm around her trembling form.

“Dean… I… I didn’t mean to make you mad,” Y/N said, her voice was a little stronger then when he had knocked.  She was looking straight ahead, her eyes focused on a spot on the bed in front of her.

“I’m sorry,” Dean said the words sounding a bit rushed. He hadn’t been good with apologies, especially with Y/N. “I just want you to be safe,” he sighed. Dean moved Y/N into his lap, wrapping his arms around her. They sat like that for a few moments; Y/N’s form stopped shaking.  

“I’m sorry for reacting like this,” Y/N said quietly, she really didn’t like it when people found out about her anxiety. The awful disorder made her feel weak and she hadn’t wanted to burden Dean with the information.

“You’re ok,” he took her chin in his hand, making her look him in the eye. He knew Sam was right. The only reason he had reacted as strongly as he did were his feelings for her. It had taken many months for Dean to admit it to himself. He hadn’t told Y/N yet, part of him didn’t want to ruin their dynamic. However with what had happened on this last hunt he wasn’t going to put it off anymore.

“Dean-“ she was cut off as Dean pressed his lips to hers. Y/N’s Y/E/C eyes widened, frozen by the actions the older Winchester had taken. She had developed feelings very soon after she had met Dean. Y/N buried the feelings, thinking Dean could never have those kinds of feelings for her.

“I’ll try to not yell,” he promised as he pulled away. He could see the blush that had stained Y/N’s cheeks. He smiled softly at her and ran his hand along her back. He just needed to comfort her no, they could talk about what this meant for them later.

“Thank you Dean,” She a smile on her lips that reached her Y/E/C eyes.

Dean kissed her forehead, “let’s get you something to eat.” Right then they didn’t need words; the kiss had been everything they needed to say. His promise was everything Y/N needed to her to have her at ease with her anxiety and Dean. As long as he would try not to yell or raise his voice at her they would be fine.

“Sounds good Dean,” she nodded. They got off the bed and made their way to the kitchen, Dean intertwining their fingers.

@fandomsandstuffff

anonymous asked:

hi! I know how you feel about canon sh/eith and al/lurance already but what do you think about canon kl/ance? from their development so far (and the fact that they're apparently supposed to develop throughout the entire series, so if they're already kinda friends/coleaders in s3, what comes next?), the small hints like expressions and moments, and all the stuff said in the interviews (about romance, lgbt rep and possibly bi lance hints) kinda hinting at the ship? Just curious about your opinion!

Just to clarify: this is my own personal opinion, and everyone else’s is just as valid. I’ve talked about how I feel about canon k/l a bit before–the long version of this is here, and I think that’s probably the best way I can word it. But the shorter version is this:

  • I’m a bi guy, and I’ve personally never felt there was any indication of bi Lance in canon. He flirts with many girls very often, but never expresses the same interest in guys. Lance is actually one of the few characters where we know for certain how he reacts when he’s romantically interested in someone, and you really only see that level of interest around girls. 
  • The idea of Lance being bi in canon as he’s written now actually really bothers me, and I personally just don’t think it would be good representation. It perpetuates stereotypes like:

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hey there! I really love all your analysis and metas. It's very informative and interesting so I wanted to ask, what is your view regarding tododeku, bakudeku and todobaku? It doesn't have to be romantically (unless you ship them 😏) but more like umm...dynamic wise??? Lol am I even making any sense

Thanks Anon, I have fun doing those and if others enjoy it as well it’s even better (even if it’s nowhere near satisfying as I keep forgetting a lot of things, there’s just so much to consider in BNHA!). Regarding those relationships, where to begin? You gave me quite the ask! I hope I won’t offend anyone, it’s only my opinion and you’re obviously free to disagree with me.

1. Todoroki and Bakugou

Firstly, about Todoroki and Bakugou. I find their relationship interesting, and funny as well because of the differences of attitude they have. I’m curious about what it could become, and I’m still waiting to see some development before having a proper opinion on those two. After all, Todoroki and Bakugou barely talked at all for the time they knew each other. At the very beginning, Bakugou admitted Todoroki was strong (not in front of him though), but it feed his inferiority complex and anxiety, and continued to do so during the sports festival. Bakugou was angry against Todoroki because he defied Izuku but not him, like he wasn’t good enough to be challenged as well. For someone as proud and mentally frail as Bakugou, it really sparked dislike towards Todoroki because he was acting the same as Izuku from his perspective; he was looking down on him. Even though Bakugou learned Todoroki’s backstory, as he was eavesdropping (or just accidentally came at the wrong moment) at his and Izuku’s conversation, it didn’t change his behavior towards him. He knows Todoroki’s backstory, but unlike Izuku, Bakugou didn’t take that into consideration when they fought, because he wasn’t ready to support anyone else at the moment, as he barely could support himself. Bakugou was misreading why Todoroki won’t use his flames against him because he was sure Todoroki looked down on him due to his anxiety issues and his inferiority complex, and as a result probably disliked him even more. It seems to be a very one-sided rivalry Bakugou established between them. Bakugou is very displeased to be with Todoroki during the test of courage at their training camp, and as chill as Todoroki is, Bakugou is clearly struggling getting along with him. 

They’re not on the same page at all, as Todoroki clearly doesn’t care about Bakugou’s angry outbursts and acts like it doesn’t really bother him. He’s unfazed about Bakugou because he seems to thinks it’s just him being childish overall.

Though it doesn’t stop him from caring about him as a fellow classmate. He went along with Kirishima and planned with him to save Bakugou because he felt guilty he let Bakugou being snatched up just before his eyes. But it’s like Izuku said; it can’t be Todoroki either who helps Bakugou because he’s wary towards him and makes him feel threatened as well. The only one Bakugou trusts and feels comfortable with is Kirishima; from the moment it was confirmed and canon, I couldn’t really picture Bakugou being more emotionally involved with anyone else but him. But Todoroki and Bakugou’s relationship is interesting from another perspective. Like Bakugou, Todoroki is still sorting things out about himself. It’s not a coincidence both of them failed their provisional licence exam; they are both still struggling with their issues, and their identities as heroes. Todoroki and Bakugou are the only ones who didn’t really found a true hero name yet, something confirming their identity like everybody else. Bakugou still needs to awake to his urge to save, and we, and Todoroki as well, don’t really know what are his objectives as a hero either. As Todoroki himself realized during their provisional licence exam, he’s still far from having overthrown what his father shaped him into. 

And Bakugou really needs to look back at his definition of what a hero is, or he’ll self-destruct before a villain may take him down. 

A hero can’t possibly shoulder absolutely every responsibility and win all the time, even less all by themself, the very fate and end of All Might proved it. That’s why they’re both going to supplementary classes, and who knows what they’ll be faced with? It’s possible nothing will come out of it as well. Those two didn’t seem to have any particular chemistry so far, and kinda like Izuku and Bakugou, they aren’t on the same page and struggle to communicate properly and understand each other. But the few similarities they have are interesting, and maybe they could bound about that issue over figuring their hero names and deciding who they want to be as heroes.

2. Bakugou and Izuku

About Bakugou and Izuku now. I already wrote a lot about those two in some posts I’ll link here, so if you’re curious and have some time to spare, you can always go and read. Their relationship is very complex, and to understand how it works, I think it’s essential to realize what mental issues Bakugou is facing, what they’re both representing in a super-hero obsessed lucrative society and what still needs to be addressed about Bakugou. I do think those two could very well make wonders if they could properly work as a team, I’m sure of it and I’m really eager to see that, but as friends, they really don’t have a good chemistry going on between them. They struggle to understand each other, as Bakugou immediately flares up against Izuku, and Izuku admitted he couldn’t talk to Bakugou without being reminded of all of his flaws.

Their fight against All Might after the Stain incident was really terrible; Bakugou was aggressive with Izuku and hit him out of nowhere when Izuku was just trying to talk to him, and as a result, Izuku also punched Bakugou because he told All Might he’d rather lose than win with Izuku, which would have been on total opposition with Bakugou’s core as a character and Izuku idealized image of him (he is the image of Victory in Izuku’s mind after all), and enough was enough. 

They were really the worst duo. Their dynamics are still flawed, and they need to sort out a lot of things. Bakugou needs to talk and apologize to Izuku, but he’ll do that once he’ll have settled down with his own issues. His mental state is still too frail to do any of that, but it’s improving as Bakugou already shown signs of being more peaceful around Izuku, but it’ll need time for sure.

3. Izuku and Todoroki

Now what do I think about Todoroki and Izuku? They have a very sweet and supportive relationship, I won’t say I ship it but I can definitely understand those who do. Izuku was the first Todoroki opened up to, and really, I won’t spent much time talking about the UA sports festival because what happened was so strong and important that it talks for itself. Izuku delivered Todoroki from his trapped mindset and encouraged him to break free and use his fire powers even though they were supposed to be enemies. At the time, Izuku and Todoroki barely knew each other but it didn’t stop Izuku caring for Todoroki. As it was very meaningful, it was only the beginning of their relationship, and what I like the most about their relationship isn’t this moment. It’s rather everything that happens afterwards and consolidates their friendship, because that’s truly how good relationships, friendly, romantic or any other ones, are built; by spending time with each other, growing to feel comfortable with them and trusting them. 

Todoroki came and helped Izuku and Iida during the Stain incident, talked and opened up to Iida as well, and as a result, the three bounded over this secret they shared. Izuku and Todoroki began to grew accustomed to each other because they shared meaningful moments where they were exposed to each other, and I’m also taking into account the time Izuku and Iida laughed because Todoroki seriously thougth he had a bad influence on others’ hands. Both of them realized Todoroki was also a kid of their age, something that was difficult to consider given how mature and serious Todoroki looks all the time. After everything that happened, Todoroki finally began to act like a teen his own age because he could finally be himself, but he was kept in a toxic mindset for so long by his father that he still needs to sort out who he is and who he wants to be. Sure, he doesn’t want to be Endeavor’s replica, but who does he want to be, what does he want to achieve exactly? Todoroki still has issues with that, as he’s still picking up pieces of him together and just began to go talk to his mother once again. Izuku already helped Todoroki, and did again during their provisional licence exam when Todoroki was trailing after Inasa and loosing sight of the exam’s purpose. 

Todoroki needs to settle things with himself before he’ll be satisfied, have some clear goals in mind and move on, but it seems it’s on a good path with Izuku. Given their chemistry, I won’t be surprised if he developed feelings for him; like Shinsou, he seems to think Izuku is quite the specimen and appreciate being around this curious straightforward boy.

At least he’s also a good source of support for Izuku, showing their friendship is mutual and not one-sided by Izuku trying to reach out desperately to him (am I being obvious about which relationship I’m targeting?), and I found adorable how he gave good advice and some of his food to Izuku to comfort him when he was feeling down, without forcing him to talk. As Izuku manifested support for him after their provisional licence exam, Todoroki also proves to be here and has Izuku’s back as well, because they value each other.

I’m curious to see their relationship progress, because there’s a lot of potential, and impatient to see them work together and support each other through meaningful moments once more when they’ll be more mature and powerful.

SO Voltron Season 4 came out yesterday and I’m going to take a vERY LONG TIME analyzing it so sTRAP IN. ALSO SPOILERS <3

It was super short not gonna lie. I wish it were longer. 

I also wish we had more Keith moments. Like it’s kinda been all about Keith in previous seasons but he wasn’t even in the show in this season except for like 3 episodes. I love that he is training with the Blade of Malmora, but how did he even begin training with them and why? How did he get into that and what caused him to decide “yo gotta leave Voltron and become a full time Galra BOM member.” Was he getting too attached to Lance? Or was he too scared of being the leader? Or does he want more information about his mom (LIKE WE ALL DO)? And if you eVEN DARE to sacrifice yourself oNE MORE TIME I will actually beam myself into this show and shove you into Lance’s loving arms. Lance’s LoVeRbOy ARMS.

Lance being the loverboy, milking cows, and LOVING THEATRE was so pure this season. hOwEvEr I would have loved to have some more serious character development there. He kinda wasn’t in the show as much as I hoped and when he was he was being like uncharacteristically quiet; at least the times when they were strategizing and not planning the show. The show episode was wholesome Lance content and I appreciate it wholeheartedly. But how did Keith’s leaving affect him? The two were becoming buds and the show kinda uprooted that by making Keith leave on a BOM mission. How did Keith leaving affect everyone? It didn’t seem to affect Shiro much.

And here we have Shiro. Mister “Not My Shiro” Shiro. I still believe he is a clone. He wasn’t very excited to see Matt again even though they probably spent several years being best friends doing super dorky stuff. Shiro was making more rash decisions and going along with things the real Shiro wouldn’t have. Frankly I can tell why the other paladins don’t see it cause for a while there I didn’t see it either. He is very believable. And of course Matt wouldn’t see it because he has been stuck in space for like 5 years. 

Matt our nerdy, dorky, big brother of our favorite badass Pidge. Good lord that boy is a nerd. I love him to death and I think he stole the whole season. Which I’m simultaneously okay with and also really mad about. Because this season was kind of all about Matt and Pidge they neglected other characters. However much I love Matt and Pidge’s dynamic and how HAPPY SHE IS WITH HER BIG BROTHER, I was kinda hoping we could get more content from other characters. Pidge finding her family has been such a running thing in the show I feel like she’s gotten a lot of spotlight in the past (don’t get me wrong I love her with my whole being) but like I just really wish we could’ve seen more from others, like Hunk.

Man I love Hunk’s dynamic with Pidge. 10/10 ship Pidge and Hunk and there is not a 1 thing you can do about it. Maybe not romantically but their friendship gets me going. I wish we had more Hunk backstory other than him just being “The Funny One” LIKE IM KINDA MAD ABOUT THAT CAUSE WHILE HUNK IS HILARIOUS AND I LOVE HIM HE IS ALOS SUPER INTELLIGENT AND NOW THE VOLTRON COALITION WON’T SEE THAT BECAUSE HE’S JUST “THE FUNNY ONE.” Sorry I had to get that out cause it made me real mad. Future reference for next seasons MORE HUNK CONTENT PLEASE AND THANK YOU. 

Allura and Coran were great this season. HI AND THANK YOU FOR AN ENTIRE EPISODE BASED ON CORAN MAKING A REALLY STUPID DECISION AND GETTING A SQUIP TO TELL HIM HOW TO MAKE A GREAT SHOW. SO MUCH CORAN THIS SEASON I’M PLEASED. Also how Allura had to pretend to be Keith was great and all but like she is her own member of Voltron, and Keith is in the BOM now so they should tell people about him leaving. unLESS HE ISN’T LEAVING AND THIS WAS JUST A BLIP!!!

Also I feel like I should mention Lotor. I kind of love him not gonna lie. I love to hate him. But I also hate to love him. He was a jerk in the last season but he has some hARDCORE daddy issues. Like don’t you just hate it when your dad sends and entire army to kiLL YOU after he labelled you a FUGITIVE? Like I know Zuko had some daddy issues too but like at least his dad didn’t want to kill him. He just wanted HONOR. But if anyone ever wants to go over the parallels of Zuko and Lotor we can, also we can just analyze the whole of Avatar the Last Airbender in comparison to Voltron if you want. 

THEORIZING FOR FUTURE SEASONS: We have to get more backstory. I will fight for the backstories of Hunk and Lance and KEITH’S PARENTS. If Keith doesn’t come back I’ll fight someone. Lotor seems to be part of the crew now so can we have him being the spy getting Galra intel and then feeding it to the BOM members because frick if Lotor isn’t the good guy. Another thing, and I’d like some audience participation on this one, MORE KEITH AND LANCE *clap* MORE KEITH AND LANCE *clap* MORE KEITH AND LANCE *clap* *chant fades off into the distance* Thanks guys. 

ANYWAY all in all season 4 was a blessing just because it exists. Sure I have my hopes and wishes but there are parts that surpassed my expectations. Yeah there may have been parts that let me down but I am still extremely blessed to have even gotten it in the first place. Bless the writers of the show and every other crew member who made Voltron possible. I can’t wait to see what these sneaky f**ks have up there sleeves for next time 😂☺️

Zach Werenski - Childhood Crush

anon request: Can you make a Zach Werenski one. Maybe about him taking that puck to the face during the playoff game. And can it be really cute and fluffy

@faithmikami requested: Hi there! I was wondering if you could write an image where a girl is dating Zach Werenski and attends the third playoff game against PIT. She’s in the crowd and sees him get injured and is allowed to go to the locker room to see how he is. Thanks! :)

anon request: can i have a zach werenski imagine about his injury and you going to the next game to watch and then coming home and taking care of him/cuddling him

anon request: Can you do a Zach werenski imagine please? Maybe about the injury if you need inspo :)

anon request: Can you do an imagine about Zach Werenski? Maybe like being in the crowd as he got hit kind of thing? Thank you!!!

an imagine about zach werenski’s injury was a very requested imagine and i still have more requests about this. i do love zach werenski though so i have no problem writing these!! XD i decided to put a cute little twist to it so i hope you like it

requests are open:))

Originally posted by werenskiz

“yes y/n zach would love if you came and visited us here in colombus!” mrs.werenski gushed into the phone. for me it was just hitting the end of exam time and for my best friend zach it was the beginning of playoffs. well soon to be the third game.

“i don’t know mrs.werenski, i want to but i have so much to do” i babbled on about why i shouldn’t go. “y/n zach hasn’t seen you in forever, he would love it if you came to watch” that’s where she had me. i haven’t seen zach in so long. i used to always watch him play hockey at the joe, he truly was a talented player.

zach and i were always best friends, the dynamic duo. i was always by his side and he was always by mine. he supported me in my hockey and i always supported him in his hockey, even till this very day. throughout the years i manages to develop feelings for zach that a best friend shouldn’t feel and i’ve tried pushing them away but they always pop back up. he’s never really shown an interest but maybe i just never looked.

“fine” i fake sighed but was quickly followed by a overly girlish squeal. “i’m so excited too see him!” i laughed to his mother. “trust me y/n, he’s gonna be happy to see you too!” she joined in on my laughing. “when should i book my flight?” i asked. “oh don’t worry about that hun, we have it all covered. ill send you an email and print the ticket that’s in it, and there is your flight” she explained.

i could hear the loud sound of zach from the other side of the phone, “zachs coming but ill see you soon!” she said in a hushed tone and hung up. i smiled before putting my phone down and quickly opening up my email. the flight leaves tomorrow at 9:00am. oh boy. it was already 6:30pm and i haven’t even started packing.

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Why Ichigo/Orihime is completely unconvincing

There’s just so much wrong with Ichigo and Orihime ending up together, I can’t understand how IchiHime fans are completely fine with how their story played out. 

1- Ichigo never shows feelings for Orihime that are beyond friendship, right until the very end of the manga.

There has never been a moment in the manga that shows on Ichigo’s side that he cares for Orihime as more than a friend. He cares for her, but what’s disappointing to see is that there’s no special place that Orihime holds. She doesn’t have that inseparable emotional bond with him like Rukia does, she’s not the rival that still sacrifices everything to help him like Ishida, she never made a pact with Ichigo to protect him til’ the very end like Chad. 

The fact that Kubo himself never included any insight on Ichigo’s feelings for Orihime is what makes me feel like he never planned it out properly; he has Orihime and Ishida discussing how ‘to Kurosaki, Rukia isn’t just a friend. She’s a very special person to him,’ as well as countless little poems in Ichigo’s perspective ‘I wonder if I can keep up with the speed of the world without you in it’, ‘that’s right, nothing else can change my world’. 

— I’m not saying that Orihime needs to do something extraordinary or sacrifice herself further for Ichigo, she’s a wonderful companion and Ichigo cares for her, but to be the main characters love interest? There’s nothing that allows the readers to see through Ichigo’s eyes and what he sees in her, no moment that makes us go ‘Ah, he really values her, she’s special to him’. Which brings me on to my next point:

2- Rukia and Ichigo’s relationship and emotional bond set the bar too high for Ichigo and Orihime.

What I think is that Kubo really, really loved Ichigo and Rukia’s relationship. He loved their moments of connection, their talks, their sacrifice for each other. He loves Rukia to death as a character, and I think he just felt really good writing and expanding Rukia and Ichigo’s moments and lines. I don’t think he realised how deep he made their bond seem, how inseparable, and when he tried to include the aspect of Orihime’s feelings for Ichigo, it didn’t work too well because it felt so bland and insubstantial compared to this thing Ichigo has for Rukia.

Every single emotional scene for Ichigo, his powers, wanting to protect people, his mother’s death (!!!) has always been with Rukia. He talks to her, which I think is so, so freaking important. She listens, understands, and I cannot get over Memories in the Rain. It was so difficult for Ichigo to explain his mother’s death and Rukia handles it beautifully, makes it a moment he remembers ages later. I think that was the chapter that did it for me - they share such deep, personal moments together that just aren’t there for Ichigo and Orihime.

It’s plain to see that Rukia is literally someone he can’t live without, their bond is so much deeper than friendship or romance - their souls are connected. She understands what’s going through his mind without words, she makes him happy, Orihime says it herself. She chases his fears away, with words. They have their dramatic moments but what I love is that they build each other up through words. Ichigo talks to her when he tries to save her in Soul Society, tells her that he is going to rescue her, no matter what. He sees her afterwards, tells her it’s fine if she wants to stay, she can, he smiles at her, thinks ‘looking at her now, I remember exactly why I wanted to save her so much,’ - not because she gave him his powers, or because he owed her, but because he just wants to see her happy. 

I could go on and on about Rukia’s importance in Ichigo’s life, but the bottom line is that Rukia is and will always be the focal point in Ichigo’s life. It’s always Rukia. Orihime notices it herself, it brings her to tears because she can’t replace Rukia, she doesn’t know how to give strength to Ichigo.

It’s just such a strange, sad dynamic to have Orihime so infatuated with Ichigo, only for him to have such a deep, emotional bond with someone else. It’s unfair and terribly cruel to her. Kubo should have either limited the interactions between Ichigo and Rukia or included more emotional ones with Orihime and Ichigo.

3 - Orihime is not close to Ichigo at all.

By that I mean that she knows so little about him. Their interactions beyond fighting and saving are so minimal and emotionally disconnected that it’s impossible to see these two actually have a conversation about something. The things that Orihime knows about Ichigo are always second hand (Ichigo’s mother’s death from Tatsuki, him getting his Shinigami powers from Rukia, his desire to get his powers back from the Fullbringers. She’s never at the forefront of anything when Ichigo needs help. 

4 - Orihime admires/idolises Ichigo too much to get close to him.

She sees him as her protector, someone strong and brave and I guess that’s why she likes him? It’s never really clear. Why is she so in love with this grumpy orange-haired highschool kid that she’s willing to give her life away to help him?She says she wants to heal all his pain, but she doesn’t know what pains him in the first place?

They’re not close at the beginning, Ichigo refers to her as Tatsuki’s best friend, and Orihime is always seen to have funny fantasies and dreams about him. Later on, their interactions are very stilted and awkward. She bumbles and flushes around him, which is fine, there’s nothing wrong with that, and Ichigo kind of just…ignores it? To me, they don’t fit well at all, at least now how Kubo shows the sides to their characters.

Orihime is so bright and caring, why can’t she really talk to Ichigo about his worries outside of battle? Why do their interactions have to be comic relief (her dress, which was extremely awkward)? Does Ichigo even know anything about her beyond her family situation? Does he even bother to talk to her about something casual? 

Ichigo is not always strong, he can’t always play the protector for her. The Hueco Mundo arc was a great example - she screamed out for his help, he had to rise to help her. Earlier on, when the Arrancars invaded, he couldn’t protect his friends and he had to apologise to her for failing to protect her. It just screams power imbalance - she couldn’t protect him either, when her powers are more suited to it. Why didn’t she apologise, too?

Maybe it was supposed to be romantic, it didn’t work for me. It’s just funny how the stark comparison to Rukia and Ichigo, where she gives him strength and hope through her words, where he’s comfortable showing her his weakness with the hollow mask is so much more natural. 

5 - She feels jealous of Rukia’s relationship with Ichigo.

Not just her breakdown, but panels that Kubo drew which show her watching Ichigo looking down at Rukia while she’s healing, emotion so clearly in his eyes, and turning away. It’s just — why make her jealous of Rukia if Rukia and Ichigo are supposed to be just friendship? It complicates everything and it makes the readers think ‘Oh, Rukia and Ichigo must have something going on if Orihime is jealous of her. Ichigo must really care about Rukia.’ 

6 - Ichigo is not good for Orihime.

The fact that her insecurities are never cleared makes me laugh. She ends up marrying this dude who still sees Rukia on the daily - she’s still facing those feelings of jealousy. Rukia is so clearly his kindred soul, if he wants to marry someone else and have them sit through watching their husband share such a deep connection with another person, then that’s absolute shitty of Kubo.

He makes her feel “inadequate”, literally, because she can never compare to Rukia. It’s just. Why. So cruel to her, there’s literally nothing she can do about it. He’s always pushing her to the back, never facing her full on like a normal person. It’s always over his shoulder ‘Stay here, Inoue’ and I just— ugh. She’s so wonderful. Beautiful, happy. She deserves someone who will laugh at her jokes, taste her funny food (come on, Kubo. You could have had like a two-page spread where she feeds Ichigo something weird and they have a laugh over it, something natural), makes her clothes (ahh, Ishida.)

I’m not here to promote Ishida/Orihime, but she’s so natural around him. He thinks about her, considers her feelings. She protects him with her shield, fights beside him as an equal, not ‘Inoue, you’re on defence. I’m counting on you.’ 

7 - There’s no development for Orihime.

I don’t know what she got out of Bleach, tbh. She went in infatuated with this image of Ichigo in her head, came out in the same position. She’s endured painful feelings of jealousy, helplessness, meeting other people. She made bonds with people, like Ishida, or Ulquiorra, who could have developed her character in some way. Made her think that hey, I’m worth someone directing all their attention and feelings towards me, too. I’m worth being thought about, considered. Ichigo literally does not have the time of day to notice her feelings for him, her jealousy. He’s oblivious or preoccupied and unforgiving about it. 

She’s forced to wear some seriously provocative clothing by Urahara, in which she is clearly uncomfortable, just to get his attention. He doesn’t even say anything to her. Chad has to say, ‘Yo, Ichigo. What do you think of Inoue’s clothes?’. It’s so freaking embarrassing and awkward for her that I really want her to leave Ichigo behind. He’s not worth it.

I know that Bleach is a Shounen manga, but seriously. Kubo tried to incorporate some romance when he really didn’t have the right idea of how to go about it and ended up butchering Orihime’s character, Ichigo and Orihime’s pretty solid friendship, and left the reader feeling baited with Rukia/Ichigo. In his head, friendships are sacrifice, you changed my world, for her I’ll go through a thousand blades, that’s the man you are in my heart, show them that despair can’t stop you while romantic love is Orihime pouring her heart out to the guy that still doesn’t know how to pronounce her first name.

Whatever floats your boat, shippers.