the moment we begin to forget

author: lostcap  /  poems used: x . x . x . x . x . x . x . x . x . x . x . x . x . x . x . x 
* do not remove this credit , thank you.

❛ what a modern fucking tragedy you turned out to be. ❜
❛ what do you think the stars wish for then? ❜
❛ maybe i could have loved you in any life but ours. ❜
❛ i used to ache for a hurricane, an earthquake. ❜
❛ i found a catalyst for disaster in you. ❜
❛ is this what happens when the poem ends? ❜
❛ i found religion in betrayal. ❜
❛ things like us only exist in dreams. ❜
❛ you can’t give your storms to someone else. ❜
❛ nothing lasts forever, not even the rain. ❜
❛ it’s okay to fear. ❜
❛ don’t claw out your own throat while waiting for someone else to scream. ❜
❛ you are memories and moments. ❜
❛ in some other universe you’re asleep. ❜
❛ everyone leaves. let them. ❜
❛ you are not a ghost.  ❜
❛ you can’t haunt those that forget you. ❜
❛ everything ends and it’s okay. ❜
❛ my heart kept beating, out of sync with yours. ❜
❛ maybe i get to have a reason for the ache you left in my chest. ❜
❛ you exist still. ❜
❛ we can’t remember how to be alive. ❜
❛ the heavens burn for you and i. ❜
❛ every star is another story, every night a different sky. ❜
❛ we end to begin again. ❜
❛ beyond every somewhere, we exist. ❜
❛ the gods lie as often as men. ❜
❛ i sit not upon a throne of bone. ❜
❛ my kingdom wasn’t chosen. ❜
❛ the dead of mine do not speak. ❜
❛ history will write that you were the bravest of them all. ❜
❛ all stars must burn. ❜
❛ the greatest things must end. ❜
❛ hell is just another place i guess i’ll go to keep you warm. ❜
❛ if the monster always dies at the end of the book, why am i still alive? ❜
❛ gods don’t care about what might have been. ❜
❛ men shall fall and gods be forgotten. ❜
❛ you will be remembered eternally. ❜

8

They say summer love is fleeting, but sometimes what starts as a fling can lead to the real thing. A simple trip to the beach could be all it takes to clear our heads and open our hearts. And write a new ending to an old story. There are those who got burned by the heat. They just want to forget and start over. While there are others who want each moment to last forever. But everyone can agree on one thing: tans fade, highlights go dark and we all get sick of sand in our shoes. But the end of summer is the beginning of a new season. So we find ourselves looking to the future. You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

Victor/Yuuri and the Media

Alternately titled “Sachiro can find Victor character development pretty much anywhere he looks”.

As an attempt to get over the writer’s block that has been plaguing me for a month and a half, I decided to try and tackle something new. Something that’s a more outside-of-the-box idea in terms of analysis (at least I think) so let’s take a look at an aspect of the series that I haven’t seen talked about too much in terms of character development: the media!

I started thinking a while back about how we can actually see a clear change when it comes to Victor and his interactions with Yuuri in regards to the media, especially when we compare the earlier episodes to the later ones, and it got me thinking. Why does Victor act so protective of Yuuri in front of the media in earlier episodes and what changed by the later ones to the point that he’s so noticeably not there (and at what point did this shift take place)?

Victor himself actually enjoys the media attention and we have that shown to us repeatedly over the course of the show. Yuuri, on the other hand, tolerates the media but while he doesn’t enjoy the attention he isn’t actually a terrible speaker in front of the cameras.

Before we get into the meat of the discussion, let’s take a quick look at how each of them interact with the media when left on their own (at the start of the show anyway).


Victor

The very first time we see Victor, he’s in front of the cameras. His heart may not have been into it but he was still able to pull out a big smile. Even more in our faces later, we see him winking at the crowd at Worlds and sending everyone into a tizzy. He’s very much an extrovert and gets his energy from others around him.

Even after he moves to Japan, and especially once Yuuri and Victor get back into the competitive circuit, we see him thriving off any media attention he can get; whether it’s interviews, at the kiss & cry, or from the attention given to him by his fans.


Yuuri

On the other hand, Yuuri is very docile in front of the cameras. He’ll respond with phrases that you can tell he prepared ahead of time. You can see that he doesn’t really enjoy the attention but he’s been at this long enough to know how to deal with and tolerate it. In contrast to Victor, you don’t see Yuuri waving at the cameras and actively seeking out attention from his fans.

We can see examples of Yuuri on the far side of this spectrum in episode 1 where he actively tries to avoid interacting with his fans. We can also make the assumption that he avoided all media and social media in the space between the GPF and the Stammi Vicino video due to no one having an inkling as to what his career plans were (even though him skipping out on Worlds as the only Men’s Singles skater for Japan would have already been suspect – I wonder what excuse he gave because it definitely would have hit the press either way).

Edit: he didn’t qualify for Worlds at all due to his poor performance at Japanese Nationals, my bad!


As you can probably guess, putting both of them in the same frame would certainly cause some interesting interactions, and that’s exactly what happens! So let’s take a look from the start and see how they managed to somehow get to a point where Victor is leaving Yuuri to deal with the media alone/actually been tame in front of the cameras as seen in the last episodes!

(More under the read more due to length/images so please enjoy the rest of the analysis!)

Keep reading

heartbeat pt. II

Title: Heartbeat Pt. II
Pairing: Josh Dun/Reader, Tyler Joseph/Reader
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Public shenanigans, phone sex, minor daddy kink, more fuckboy Tyler, sweetheart Josh, lots of fun.
A/N: Here’s part two! I’ve already started on part three. This isn’t quite as long as the last part, but it’s still up there! Things are starting to get intense, and they’re only gonna get wilder from here on out. I hope you guys enjoy!

Originally posted by i-m-a-goner-takeitslow

Keep reading

Bucky Barnes x Reader 

Prompt : 7. “You’re pregnant?” 11. “You bought us a house?” - Requested by anon

Originally posted by nerdyfandomimagines

You sat in the passenger seat, feeling your stomach churn as you went over and over how you were going to tell Bucky the news. 

He wanted to take you out for a drive, and being alone, you thought this would be the perfect time to tell him. Though you were scared of what his reaction would be. 

“Hey-” He drawled out, slipping his hand in to yours. “Are you okay?” 

Snapping out of your daze, you looked to him and flashed a soft smile. 

“Y-Yeah. Im fine.” You lied. 

Bucky pulled into a beautiful neighborhood, and parked the car in front of a house. It was breathtaking. Small little home painted white, with a porch. It was something you and Bucky would talk about. 

“You know you can always talk to me Y/N.” He said, turning his body to you, meeting your gaze. “No matter what it is.”

Looking into his eyes, you felt safe. And suddenly, your worries disappeared. 

“There’s something I need to tell you.” You whispered, looking down at your stomach, one hand caressing your belly. 

Bucky followed your gaze, and immediately knew just what you were going to say. 

“You’re pregnant?” He asked. 

The way he said the word ‘Pregnant’ made your stomach flutter. And now doubt and worry had washed over you. 

“Yes.” You sighed. 

Bucky glanced away, his silence torturing you to no end. 

You could feel yourself grow more concerned with every passing second. What was he thinking? 

“Say something, please.” 

He flashed a warm smile, his eyes crinkling at the edges as he looked back at you. 

“Y/N, this is amazing.” He exclaimed. 

“Wait, you’re okay with this?” You asked. 

Bucky furrowed his brows, and nodded. “I am more than okay, I am completely happy about this.” He stated. 

Taking your hands into his, he locked his gaze with yours. “Y/N, I love you. You are my family and now, we are going to have a baby to add to our family. It’s beyond anything I could ever ask for.” 

You could feel the tears begin to well in your eyes. This moment right here was the moment you never wanted to forget. 

“There’s a reason I brought you out here.” He muttered. “Welcome home.” 

Snapping your eyes back to the cute little house you were previously awing at, you were hit with confusion. 

“You bought us a house?” 

Bucky nodded leading you to let out a squeal. 

“Oh my gosh” You exclaimed with excitement. “Can we-can we go inside?” 

“Of course.” He chuckled. “Its our home. We can go inside whenever we want.” 

EXO Reaction to you shouting ‘I love you’ for the first time during a fight

Me telling Kyungsoo that I love him xD Jk, xoxo Admin A~

/I don’t own any of the gifs used, unless stated otherwise/


Chanyeol:

“Stop right there… you can’t just leave when you just… me too jagi… I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a long time now…”

Kris:

*Can’t even say a world* “Is this… really happening.. my girl just… it’s not a dream right? This is real… we… I… love…”

Sehun:

*Completely forgets you were even fighting* “Jagi.. I love you too.. I’ve always loved you… I knew since the moment I saw you… come here let me kiss you”

Tao:

*Graphical description of what happens after that*

Kai:

*Happy puppy in three.. two… one…. you can even see his tail beginning to wag* “My girl… don’t even doubt for a second that I don’t love you back… because I do.. I love you so much”

Xiumin:

*Was definitely not expecting it… baby is moved to tears* “Jagi you are making me cry out of happiness… can we stop fighting and just… love each other…? I hate fighting with my girl… I love you”

Baekhyun:

“I think this is the right time for me to shut up and just kiss you…”

Luhan:

“I’m an idiot aren’t I? Here I was fighting with you and you just… you are the sweetest of them all and I’m the worst boyfriend… baobei I love you too… I’m sorry”

Chen:

*Goes from upset Chen Chen to a smol ball of fur Chen Chen in three seconds* “She loves me! She actually loves me! I love her too… oh my god!”

Kyungsoo:

*It’s the best day of his whole life* “Jagi… you are so precious… I.. I love you.. too…my jagi…”

Lay:

“Say it again…” *Giggling* “Please say it again… I need to hear it again… it sounds so.. perfect”

Suho:

*Can’t even hide how happy that just made him* “Did you just… my girl… I love you too..”

[Masterlist] [Guideline]

Secrets || Hogwarts AU! || 01

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader // BTS x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Word Count: 3.3k 

Warnings: Swearing, Violence, Torture, Slight Smut, SLOW UPDATES! UNEDITED!

Description: As the newcomer of Hogwarts the school of witchcraft and wizardry, you are immediately sorted into a house and given an escort to show you around the school, and attempt to make new friends.

A/N: I read a really good Jimin Hogwarts AU one shot and this really got me inspired! @dest-writes thank you for your amazing Jimin x reader Hogwarts AU! - Lonely Hearts Club! <3 

masterlist | next | prev

Your body trembled visibly, as you stood before the giant eagle statue which was the entrance Professor McGonagall’s office. After Dumbledore’s death over 20 years ago, McGonagall had taken over and become the new headmaster of Hogwarts. Over the years, many former students who fought in the Battle of Hogwarts, have come back and become teachers at the school. You, on the other hand, were a new student. You originally went to Beauxbatons Academy, until your parents made you move. They believed that Beauxbatons Academy focused on beauty rather than education. So they suggested Hogwarts, as it was one of the best known wizarding schools for education. 

“Sherbet Lemon,” Professor Longbottom’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts. You looked at the man questionably. “The ‘password’ was Dumbledore’s, Professor McGonagall wanted to keep it, for the memories,” he explained, his tone of voice changed, to a saddened one.

“Sorry, I hadn’t realised,” you muttered in reply, fidgeting on the spot.

“It’s quite alright Miss (L/N). Now let us head up, shall we? We don’t want to meet Professor McGonagall waiting,” Longbottom smiled as he guided you up to the office. “Please go in, she’s expecting you,” and with that, Professor Longbottom turned around and left.

Quietly you opened the door and stuck your head out from behind it. Your eyes widened in awe as you stared at the marvellous house sized office. At each side of the room, stood two large staircases, leading up to a globe of some sort. and in the middle of the staircases stood a desk, where Professor McGonagall sat, staring at you from above her glasses. Quickly she adjusted them further up the bridge of her nose and stood up, her long green robe dragging behind her on the floor.

“Good Evening, Miss (L/N). To be honest, I was expecting you sooner,” she spoke in a stern tone, clearly disappointed at your late arrival.

“I’m sorry Professor McGonagall, I had a little trouble with my parents before I arrived,” you replied quietly, rethinking over your argument with your parents before you left.

“Hmm, alright but please do arrive earlier, I began to worry when you hadn’t arrived. I feared something wrong had happened on your journey,” she sighed in frustration. You nodded, understanding where she was coming from.

“So, uhm? If you don’t mind me asking, why am I here?” you questioned.

“Ah yes of course! We need to get you sorted into your house,” Professor McGonagall replied, more cheerfully than she was seconds ago. When you didn’t reply she continued. “Hogwarts has 4 houses. Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Gryffindor and Slytherin. Each house has different traits, and the sorting hat will put you into the one he sees you fit best,” she continued after a short moment. “Hufflepuff represents the hard work, dedication, patience, loyalty, and fair play in a person. They are kind and try hard to find a way to make others happy.”

Your eyes widened when Professor McGonagall spoke. The way she talked was inspiring, confident and intelligently. She knew what she was doing and she definitely wasn’t afraid to speak her mind.

“Ravenclaw values intelligence, knowledge, and wit. They represent how power isn’t always found through brute strength, but can rather be found through the mind. They are hard working and strive for improvement. Ravenclaws don’t believe in failure and will continuously work hard to get where they want in life.”

“So basically-” you were immediately cut off when McGonagall put her hand up to shush you.

“Gryffindor represents the bravery, daring, nerve, and chivalry in a person. Gryffindors prefer to take the lead, as they are normally relied on during tense situations. Just like Ravenclaws they also work hard, but they work hard to protect people they care about and aren’t afraid to start a fight if someone is in trouble.” McGonagall took a quick sip of her water that was on her desk.  

“And finally Slytherin. They value ambition, cunning and resourcefulness. Most Slytherin’s have a bad habit of pulling pranks on the other students in the houses, but please do not assume that about all Slytherin’s some are very caring towards, and I sometimes question the sorting hats choices, but obviously, deep down, they are cunning and filled with ambition. Now any questions before we begin?” Instantly you shook your head. “Good now, excuse me a moment. “

Your eyes widened in awe as Professor McGonagall’s body began to shrink and she formed into a black cat, her amber eyes piercing into yours. Quickly she turned around and hopped up into the desk. She then jumped up onto a bookshelf and continued to hop further up until she stood at the very top of the bookcase. Carefully she grabbed a wizard’s hat between her teeth and leapt down from the shelf. Turning back into her original form, she coughed slightly.

“I forget how dusty this hat gets over time,” her face was scrunched up, disgusted at the fact she had dust in her mouth. After a moment she cleared her throat and looked back over to you. “Please take a seat and we shall begin.”

Nervously you sat down in a seat opposite her and she gently placed the hat upon your head. 

“Ah! Another new student I see!?” the hat spoke loudly, frightening you. “My apologies dear, now let’s get you sorted! Hmm, I sense bravery, but also kindness. Hidden in there somewhere is also intelligence and cunning. It appears you have a bit of everything, but we can only put you in one house,” after a short moment the sorting hat spoke again. “I have decided. Ravenclaw!” he yelled dramatically.

A small smile spread across your face at his words. From the moment Professor McGonagall had told you about each house, you instantly took a liking to Ravenclaw. You definitely worked hard and was intelligent, so you were glad to be placed in Ravenclaw.

“Now, I shall go get Namjoon and he will give you a tour around Hogwarts. Because it’s after dinner, the first, second and third years should be in their dorms so there won’t be that many students going about,” McGonagall spoke quickly as he headed out of the office.

Moments later she had returned, but this time she wasn’t alone. A tall blonde boy stood behind her, wearing Ravenclaw robes, his big brown eyes look right back at you.

“Namjoon, this is (Y/N), (Y/N), Namjoon. I want you to take good care of her, and make her feel welcomed alright? I don’t want her coming back complaining about how much of an annoyance you’ve been,” McGonagall joked. Namjoon laughed lightly in reply and beckoned you to follow him. You quickened your pace to catch up with Namjoon and he made his way out of the office and onto the grand staircase that twisted and turned to different locations and floors.

“So (Y/N), we’ll head to the Ravenclaw common room first and let you get changed?” Namjoon suggested as he looked down at you. 

“Yeah, sure. I don’t mind,” you replied, unsure. 

“Don’t be so nervous. I’m sure you’ll like it here!” Namjoon beamed, his dimples visible as he smiled.

“Oh, it’s not that! I’m sure I’ll enjoy being here! It’s just I got into an argument with my parents before I left you see,” you muttered sadly, avoiding eye contact with the tall male.

“My apologies, I hadn’t realised,” Namjoon replied sympathetically. 

“Please don’t be sorry, it was a stupid argument over my education that’s all. I’m sure I’ll make my parents proud no matter what,” you smiled brightly at the tall male, who returned the gesture.

You both continued your way through the school until you reached the 5th floor on the grand staircase. As you went through the main door on the fifth floor, you almost immediately came face to face with a much larger door, with a plain design. The only thing making the door stand out (except its enormous size) was that of a bronze knocker shaped as an eagle. Namjoon made his way towards the door used the handle to knock on the door 3 times. Almost immediately the knocker came to life.

“Answer me this riddle!” it boomed, it’s loud voice echoing throughout the room. “Which came first? The Pheonix or the Flame?” the knocker questioned. Namjoon readjusted his robe and stood tall.

“A circle has no beginning,” he replied confidently. His smirk grew wider when they door opened wide revealing the spacious circular room inside. “Please follow me,” he instructed as he led you into the centre of the room. You turned on the spot, staring at the room in awe. The walls were painted a silvery colour, with blue furniture. The curtains also had a silver border around the outside, giving them extra detail.

“This is amazing!” you beamed as you looked back at Namjoon who smiled gently at you.

“Welcome to Ravenclaw Tower, or in other words, the Ravenclaw Common Room,” Namjoon spoke. “Now let me show you to your dorm, and then we can get you settled. As it’s only 7 pm, so my friends should still be up, I’ll introduce you to them,” Namjoon explained as he led you up to a small flight of stairs. “There’s your dorm,” he spoke as he pointed to the door on the right. Nodding you walked over to the door and opened it. Luckily for you, the dorm was empty so you didn’t need to worry about introductions with any of the other female students. 

The dorm was the same shape as the main room, and bunk beds were placed at the perimeter of the room, allowing the small gas fire in the middle to heat up the room. After finding robes, and spell books on one of the top bunks, you had come to the conclusion that was your bed. Not wanting to keep Namjoon waiting any longer, you quickly changed into your uniform and headed out of the door and down the stairs where Namjoon awaited you, sitting on one of the dark blue couch in front of the fireplace.

“Shall we go?” you questioned as you ran your hands down your robe, in an attempt to get rid of some of the creases. Namjoon nodded and guided you out of the common room.

———————————————————–

The walk down the stairs and to the great hall was quiet, but not awkward. The silence was almost comfortable. Namjoon had explained that if there was anything you wanted to know, you just had to ask, so he didn’t speak like most tour guides did, as he explained it ends up annoying the tourist.

Upon arriving at the great hall, your jaw almost hit the floor at the size of the room. Four long table stretched out and went to almost the end of each side of the room. Laid on the tables, was left large amounts of leftover food from dinner. And a few students sat at tables chatting and laughing about their days. The group that caught most of your attention, however, was the largest group, which had a mixture of students from all four houses.

“Hey, guys!” Namjoon called as he made his way over to the group of friends. Each one of them replied with a loud or quiet hello before he stood behind two of the boys and wrapped his arms around their shoulders.

Cautiously you followed Namjoon and stood behind them. As one of the boys looked up his eyes widened in surprise and he instantly smiled.

“Who’s this?” he asked excitedly. Namjoon looked over at you and then back at the others.

“Guys, this is (Y/N), a new student of Hogwarts, originally went to Beauxbatons Academy,” Namjoon explained. You were about to speak up when he looked back at you. “It’s my ‘mission’ to know most things about newcomers, it’s helpful for my studying,” he explained.

“Ah right okay,” you smiled back awkwardly.

“Aw she’s so adorable!” a Hufflepuff squealed happily causing you to blush. “I’m Taehyung! But you can call me Tae!” he giggled uncontrollably. You laughed lightly in return.

“Nice to meet you Tae,” you replied.

“This is Jin and Jimin, they’re both Gryffindors. Jin has a bad habit of calling himself handsome, and Jimin’s just a cutie,” Taehyung explained. Jin leant back in his seat so he could see you more clearly, and blew you a kiss. Taken aback by the sudden gesture you blush deeply and rubbed the back of your neck. “You’re gonna have to get used to that by the way.”

“You’ve got Yoongi and Jungkook, who are both Slytherin’s. Yoongi can be rather cold hearted but if you get on his good side, he’ll be able to stand you. And Jungkook can be a right prankster, but he’s awfully shy around new people,” Namjoon carried on, as he pointed to each person.

“And finally Hosoek, he’s a Hufflepuff as well. He never seems to stop smiling, and except a lot of screaming and hugs. Same goes with Tae,” Namjoon finished as he sat down at the table. When he noticed you not sitting down he patted a seat next to him offering you to sit down. “Sadly we’re missing Choa and Hyuna, where are they anyway?”

“They had to do ‘girls stuff’ apparently we’re no fun,” Taehyung pouted childishly as he pretended to cry and clung onto Hoseok who did the same thing.

“I don’t think you’re no fun,” you smiled cheerfully at the 2 boys who were ‘crying’ moments ago. They now had huge smiled on the faces.

“Oh did you hear about the Christmas ball they are throwing for the 5th and 6th years? Originally they do it for all years, but since 5th and 6th years can’t go home for Christmas this year for exams, they’ve decided to throw a ball for us, as an apology for not letting us go home,” Jimin piped up with a smile.

“I really hate balls, they did one last year and it seriously didn’t go according to plan,” Yoongi growled in annoyance.

“You need to remember Yoongi, that was with every year, this time it’ll just be us 5th and 6th years,” Jin reassured the smaller male. Yoongi scoffed

“When is this ball anyway?” Yoongi snarled.

“I heard it was on Christmas day. The teachers allowed us to take a break from studying and have a little fun. They understand we’re under a lot of pressure at the moment and they want us to relax at some point,” Hoseok replied. The thought of a ball made you tense. Even though your mum was strict about your grades she still wanted you to be able to relax once in a while and have fun. You mother always went on about the balls that were held at Hogwarts and how magnificent they were. You panicked as you thought about the ball.

Should I even go? What if I don’t get a date? What if I embarrass myself? What if I don’t find the right dress? You had so many many questions rushing through your head you hadn’t realised you were being spoken too.

“(Y/N)? Are you going to the ball?” Jimin asked you again.

“Sorry I was lost in thought,” you replied awkwardly. “I don’t know if I’ll go. I mean, I just got here, and I’ll probably have a lot to catch up on, I don’t want to get bad grades,” you mumbled.

“You can’t not come! Seriously! Tae and I will help you find a dress any get everything sorted out for you! While you study!” Hoseok offered and you smiled.

“It’s fine. I’ve just never been to a ball before so-” you were instantly cut off.

“You’ve never been to a ball!” most of the boys yelled in unison, causing the other students in the great hall to turn and look your way.

“Okay listen here, you’re definitely going to this ball now. We are gonna get Hyuna and Choa to help you out once they come back from wherever they went,” Jin spoke dramatically.

“Okay, so what will we need. We’ll need to get you a dress, a date a-” you had cut Taehyung off from speaking.

“Guys seriously, I can be pretty independent you know. I was put in Ravenclaw for a reason. If you want me to go that badly, I’ll come. But just to let you know, I can’t dance for shit,” you muttered, embarrassed.

“That’s fine! Hosoek can teach you! He loves to dance and I think he’d be more than happy to help!” Namjoon smiled as he looked over at the older boy for consent. Hoseok nodded in reply and looked back at you. 

“That’s great, now we’ll work on that over the weekends, it doesn’t take long to learn the dances for the balls. They’re actually very simple,” Hoseok explained, trying to ease you tenseness. 

“Alright, I think about 2 pm would be the best time for me,” you said. “I’ll most likely be studying when I wake up, so I’ll need a break round about that time.”

“Good! Then it’s settled! I’ll come to your common room at 2 and then we’ll make our way to the room of requirement,” Hosoek beamed. Nodding in reply you raised your arms up and stretched. 

“Luckily tomorrow is Friday, and we’re on study leave, so we can start tomorrow, technically it’s not the weekend but still, it would be good to get started,” Hosoek suggested. 

“Alright. Anyway, I better get up to the dorm. I need to unpack and start studying I guess. Good night guys,” you yawned as you stood up. As soon as you left the boys all looked over at Jungkook, who’s eyes were on you.

“I think our Kookie has a crush,” Taehyung giggled cheerfully.

“W-what! No, I don’t!” Jungkook instantly denied his cheeks turning red with embarrassment.

“It’s alright Kookie. There’s nothing wrong with liking someone, but next time don’t stare at them like they’re a piece of meet,” Jin laughed loudly with the other boys.

“She is very beautiful though, and has a lovely personality,” Yoongi spoke up. The others stared at him in disbelief. “What? I think she’s a nice person okay? Plus I feel as if she’s the savage type,” Yoongi grinned. “She’s almost got as much swag as me.” Jimin groaned in annoyance as the others sighed 

“Hyung, there’s a time where you need to stop,” Namjoon spoke as he laid his head on the table. “I think I’ll be heading off to bed too, I’m really tired. Night guys.” With that, Namjoon left.

“Ugh Namjoon’s so lucky (Y/N)’s in his house!” Jimin whined.

“Why you got a thing for her too?” Taehyung teased.

“Don’t act like you don’t like her either, I saw the way you all looked at her. Especially you hyung,” Jimin pointed to Yoongi. “You actually took interest in what she said, and focuses all of your attention on her,” Jimin snapped.

“So what? She’s cute. You jealous you’ve got competition?” Yoongi taunted. Jimin huffed.

“We’ll see who she chooses, plus I’ll be asking her to the ball,” Jimin replied proudly.

“In your dreams idoit!” Hoseok growled lowly. “I’m teaching her how to dance, therefore I should be taking her!”

“No way! I was the one that suggested it! So I should take her!” Jin piped up angrily. 

“How about this? Whoever she dances with at the ball will be hers,” Taehyung spoke up.

“Guys! Stop it!” Jungkook groaned. The others glared at the maknae in annoyance. “Think of it like this okay? We’re fighting over a girl, we’ve barely known for like 30 minutes. She might not even think of us in that way! You can’t claim her, and she hasn’t even gotten a say in this! Think of her feelings as well!” Jungkook explained.

“Oh, Jungkook. Why are you not Ravenclaw! You’re definitely smart enough to be in that house. Kookie is right. We’re fighting over a stranger we barely know. Allow her to decide who she likes,” Hosoek spoke.

“Deal?” Jin asked. The others glanced at each other for a moment.

“Deal.” they all replied in unison. 

to be continued…

Road Trip with Monsta X

Originally posted by changhyuk

Shownu -

  • Switches between him and Wonho in terms of driving
  • Mostly silent, but tries to initiate conversation with random topics
    • Makes a lot of the members go, “What?” And then laugh with Shownu
  • Asks the other members if they need to eat
  • Rather have all the other members eat the food they brought along the way instead of him eating
    • Feels grateful when Wonho or Minhyuk asks him if he wants his coffee
    • Even better when he gets to rest or strecth for a bit
  • Luckily, Wonho asks to switch at the right time when he’s about to fall asleep
    • Falls asleep on your shoulder in the backseat
    • Puts his earbud in your ear as the two of you listen to the soft music during your roadtrip
  • Likes to play simple games to pass the time


Wonho - 

  • Quite focused on the road; low-key cursing out the other members who are too loud
    • But he can’t help but laugh when someone decides to be stupid
    • Like those window wiping sounds
    • Lord help them all
  • Has you sitting in the passenger seat beside him, because he’s a bit lonely
    • Also, you’re the most sane person (or so he thinks) he can talk to
    • Is it also the reason because he likes you?
  • Likes to talk, like long conversations, when he’s driving
  • When he’s not, he’s playing games on his phone or hand games with I.M and Minhyuk
    • Pouts when he loses
  • Silently eats most of the pre-packed food Kihyun made
    • Yet no one figures it out it was him who ate most of it
    • Suggests for ramyeon at every rest stop
    • “NO.”
  • First one to get out when you arrive
    • Oh and he would document the trip along the way; pictures of animals in the countryside, and road signs


Minhyuk - 

  • Too lazy to drive; sometimes keeps to himself when he’s tired so he listens to music
    • Surprisingly (kind of), according to Wonho, he thinks Minhyuk, Kihyun, and Shownu will have a sudden change when they’re driving
  • Loudest kid when he finds something out of the ordinary along the way
    • “Why does that sign have a–” “MINHYUK NO.”
    • Almost plasters his face against the window as the car passes by it
  • Turns the atmosphere into Right Now again
    • Bobbing his head back and forth as he sings Rhythm Ta… AGAIN
  • Buys the silliest souvenirs at gift shops
    • Sometimes forgets where he’s at or where he’s going
    • Plays with those American coin machines where they turn pennies into flat football-shaped coins
  • Sings to his own music 
    • Doesn’t mind sharing it with you, though
  • Winks at you every time your eyes land on his
    • Holds your hand throughout the trip, even when he’s sleeping


Kihyun - 

  • Making sure everyone eats; knows all the rest stops wherever they go
    • Ain’t going back when one of them didn’t go and suddenly they need to
    • “We left ten minutes ago, hold it in.” “How far are we then?” “Two hours.” “I’m going to be dead by the time we get there.” 
  • Quite organized and has the trip planned
    • Until he forgets the skin products for the night
    • Oh jeez
  • Sings English songs along the way
    • Almost rips his vocal chords, too
    • It’s Wildflower, everyone
    • Jooheon tried, too
  • Worries for Shownu and Wonho when it begins to rain
    • Offers to drive
  • Cuddling with you in the backseat
    • Takes pictures of the two of you 
    • When you’re sleeping because he thinks it’s cute
  • Sings loudly when everyone wakes up


Hyungwon - 

  • Sleeps the moment he gets into the car
    • But he ends up having to get gas
    • And passes it too if you know what I mean *wink *wink
    • Silently freaks out when the pin starts going to the ‘E’
    • But if he’s driving, he’ll act like he can go for another twenty minutes
  • According to the other members, he can get pretty loud
    • Watch out for him and Minhyuk
  • Makes hilarious remarks or sarcastic comments when someone doesn’t know directions or questions where they’re going exactly
  • Looks like a boy who came out of a manga/manhwa when he sits next to the window
    • Starts a V Live for the heck of it
  • Likes to pat your head or draw on the iPad with you
    • Makes some “artistic” drawings of the other members
  • Cheering super loudly the moment they arrive or just waking up in the car, noticing that all the members left the van and just left him there


Jooheon - 

  • Likes looking out of the window, pointing at little sights here and there
    • Sticks his head out of the sunroof and notices the other cars behind him
    • Goes back in
  • Falls asleep with his eyemask for half the ride
    • Misses the rest stop
  • When he’s awake, he’s filming the other members sleeping
    • Well, except for Wonho
  • Drinks six bottles of water the whole trip– apparently he didn’t realize his predicament in the first fifteen minutes of the trip
  • Takes several selfies with you
    • One too many 
    • You can stop now, Joohoney
  • Piggybacks on you as you get out of the car
    • Please don’t die


I.M - 

  • Makes funny comments and jams out to the radio
    • Wears his shades and dabs uncontrollably
    • But usually just stares out the window
  • Does a lot of deep thinking than someone might imagine
    • Just to reflect on his career while the images of nature fly by
    • That kinda sounded poetic
  • Likes to scare you as you’re about to fall asleep
  • Buys like five bags of convenience store food for the rest of the trips
    • Including canned coffee, pretzels, the like
  • Low-key complains about how long the trip is taking
    • Checks his watch occasionally
    • Hoping that they won’t arrive late for their hotel
  • Likes to poke your cheeks and show you pictures throughout the trip


Admin Mochi

Silver Storm (5/?)

Summary: While on trip out of state, you were taken by Hydra. You were barely 21 at the time. Hydra took you and turned you into another asset, matching the Winter Soldier’s abilities. They injected you with a serum similar to his, wiped you,  and instructed the soldier himself to train you. He was hard on you, but when it was just the two of you he let his walls down. You were each other’s comfort, until the events of D.C when he was sent to kill Captain America. After that day, you never saw him again. You were told he abandoned you, that he was on the other side now. It’s been years since you’ve seen him, but what happens when he comes bursting through the doors of your facility?

Memories are in Italics, bold is readers thoughts *

It’s kind of a slow chapter guys, but itll step up for the next ones!

Pairing: none so far, but Bucky x reader (eventually) , reader x avengers

Warnings: swearing, torture, violence, sadness slight smut , little fluff

 - I wasn’t aware there was already a superhero with this name, so my character is in no way connected to  Marvels Silver Storm! *


                                                     Chapter 5

  It’s been a couple days since your almost kiss with Bucky. Since then, you’ve noticed more details in your interactions with him. Like that he always seems to be touching you, whether it’s holding your hand, moving your hair out of your face, or even sitting right next to you so you have your shoulders touching. It was always something. You haven’t had any memories appear, but the one of you both saying I love you replays in your mind constantly. You never told him what memory hit you in the shower; you managed to avoid answering when he asks. The only person you trusted with that knowledge is Wanda. You’ve grown extremely close with her, confiding in her and finding comfort in her presence. When you aren’t cuddling up to Bucky you’re usually in a similar position with Wanda. The other members of the team were just as nice but you weren’t as drawn to them as you were to Wanda. You don’t quite understand it, but you don’t care. Tony was starting to ease up on you, but he wasn’t as welcoming as the others still.

   As you lay on the couch, slightly snuggling with Wanda, the all too familiar ache in your head sets in. You cry out, resulting in Wanda pulling you closer into her.


You were in a fancy hotel room. Winter was sitting on the edge of the giant bed. He watched as you slid off the beautiful dress off your body.

“It’s sad that I look forward to undercover missions,” you sighed. He didn’t reply, just kept his eyes on you as you laid the dress over a chair. You were left in a lingerie set as you walked around the room. You were always chosen for undercover operations, what with Winter’s arm being a dead giveaway for him, but your handlers always sent him with you to keep an eye on you. You removed the lingerie, exchanging it for a plain black t-shirt Hydra supplied in your mission bag. You and Winter both laid in the bed, sleep apparently not coming to either of that night. You listened to his breathing, noting he was also awake.

“Winter, what’s wrong?” you asked.

“Your mission…tell me about it.”  What? He knows what the mission was. Why is he asking this?

“I was sent to retrieve information on the senator’s hard drive, you know that. What-”

“What happened during the mission, Silver.“ Oh.

"I had to seduce him to get to the computer. I was told to do whatever it takes, same rules as other missions, my love.”

“I saw all of it.”

You rolled yourself over to him, straddling his lap. “Солнечный свет, it isn’t uncommon, you’ve seen me have to do that before. It didn’t go further that just riling him up.”

“Do you know what is was like? Watching you all over him? It made me si-”

“Jealous?” you teased as you ground yourself down on his hardening cock. He flipped you both, then smashed his lips to yours in a heated, desperate kiss. You allowed him dominance, letting him lead the kiss as his tongue tangled with yours. You moaned as his hands freely roamed your body, ending up at the waistband of your panties. You had never gotten this far before, the cell not really providing as much privacy as you have with him right now.

Originally posted by sensuous

His hand slid under the band and you felt his fingers brush against your damp folds. An obscene moans left your lips as you arched your back into him. His lips landed on your neck now, leaving sloppy kisses until he got to the collar of your shirt. You pushed the shirt off your body, giving him full access. As he sucked on your nipples, you couldn’t help but beg.

“Winter, please,” you whimpered, clawing at his back. He locked eye contact with you as his tongue swirled over your hardened nipple.

You look past Winter and see a girl, her name escaping you at the time. But she keeps repeating a name at you.

"Y/n, you need to pull yourself out of this memory, it will only cause you pain,” she says.

Confusion floods your system as you watch your surrounding fade away. Winter begins to fade also, a cry leaving your lips as he does.


 You open your eyes, finding two sets looking back at you. Wanda is cradling your face in her hands as Bucky looks towards you with concern.

Originally posted by closer-to-the-edge-of-glory

“How did you get in there?” you ask, trying to shake the flood of  emotions from the memory off.

“You started crying… I thought you were in pain. I’m sorry, I didn’t think it’d be-”

“What was it?” Bucky asks. You shoot Wanda a pleading look, silently asking to keep it between you.

“Just a childhood memory,” she quickly lies, helping you off the couch. “Come on, let’s try making a cake.” She drags you into the kitchen, the entire time questioning you about why you won’t tell him what you’re remembering. You wave her off, telling her you don’t want to make him feel like he has to be a certain way with you. You get her to drop the subject and switch it to baking.

  That night, as you crawl into bed with Bucky you feel the sense of deja vu. The memory from earlier replaying in your mind.

“You haven’t told me about your last two memories… Is something wrong? I don’t want to pressure-”

“Bucky, I just - they were of you. You aren’t pressuring me, it’s just… I don’t want to freak you out with them,” you quietly say.

“Doll, you can tell me anything. Trust me, I think it’ll take more than a couple memories to freak me out.” You sigh, turning so your back is to him now. Might as well.

“Both memories were intimate moments of us.”

He stays silent, waiting for you to continue. When you don’t, he scoots himself so he’s spooning you. His arm slides around your waist, pulling you flush against him. What is he doing?

“Глупая девчонка (Silly girl), there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You’re forgetting I have the same memories.” His words hit you hard. How did I not think of that? His hand slides under your shirt and he begins running his hand up your bare thigh to rest on your stomach.

Originally posted by bemylightshadow

“Everything is different now… we are different now. You’ve made an entirely new life for yourself. A life I still know nothing about actually,” you confess, tears sliding down your cheeks. “I just - I reappeared out of nowhere, disrupting it. I don’t want to shake it up even more than I have.”  I really don’t know anything about him now, just little things I’ve picked up over the time being here.  But what does he do when he isn’t here or on missions? Does he have other friends? You know he will deny that you’re shaking anything up, but you know how much your presence has changed his world already. He hasn’t gone on a mission since he brought you back. His friends (no matter how welcoming they are) are still adjusting to having another Hydra creation in their home. You can’t help but feel like a burden.

You feel his grip tighten around you. “You are not disrupting anything. You being here- I just- now that you’re here, I can’t let you go again. It’s hard finding someone that’s been through the torture of Hydra. It’s nice having you here. It’s comforting knowing that I’m not alone,” he admits.

You turn yourself in his arms, your nose nudging his from the closeness. “Bucky-”

You’re silenced by his lips on yours, slowly moving with yours. You pull away quickly, despite your body begging you to stay in that spot.

“I don’t want you feel like you have feel this-” He cut you off again, with a harder kiss this time. You don’t pull away, instead pushing him to his back rolling on top of him. His hands land on your hips as the kiss turns slightly more heated. Your hips roll against his, pulling a half groan/half moan from him. You remove your lips from his, trying to catch your breath.

Originally posted by sensuous

“I don’t feel like I have to do anything. It took everything in me not to pull you to me and kiss the hell out of you when I saw you on that rooftop. I remember everything, every intimate moment we had,”  his voice is raspy, his hands still holding your hips to him.

  "Everything?“ you ask, resting your hands on his chest.

"Everything, doll. I love-”

He’s cut off by the sound of his door sliding open. Standing in his doorway is a beautiful woman, straight brown hair just hitting below her shoulders and dazzling hazel eyes, staring at the both of you. You can see by the expression on her face that she is just as surprised as you.

“Oh, James, I didn’t mean to-” James? Why is she calling him that? You move off of Bucky, a blush blooming across your cheeks.

“Katie what are you doing here?” he asks, his voice emotionless. Who the hell is she?

“What are you talking about? I always come after a mission so we can….talk,” she says, but you know by the way she pauses at the end that they don’t just ‘talk’. I’m such an idiot. Of course he has someone. You pull on a pair of pants from the shopping bags,  avoiding the eyes of the other two in the room.You bolt to the door, and as you pass Katie you look over your shoulder at Bucky.

“Y/n, you don’t have to-” you don’t let him finish.

“But I do, I wasn’t aware I was disrupting previous plans. I’m sorry, miss.” You make your way out, passing Steve before you get to the elevator.

Originally posted by tiaraloveskrisandlupita

“Y/n, it’s not what it looks like-” he begins, but as you step in the elevator you stop him.

“He’s a big boy, Steve. He can do what he wants and doesn’t need anyone to defend him anymore.”  The doors begin to close, and Bucky comes sprinting your way.

“Y/n, wait!” A tear rolls down your face as the doors shut right before he gets to you.

How could I be so naïve?

 Your thoughts are spiraling in your head. You’re not hurt just because of the idea of Katie, you’re upset because you really don’t know who Bucky Barnes is. You knew the Winter Soldier, but he no longer exists. Realization hits you: Everything I knew… Winter, myself, how people function, how the world works… isn’t the same as it was just two weeks ago for me. Life is different now and you have to adapt to how things work in the real world, not the falsified world Hydra surrounded you with. One thing really hits you particularly hard though. The man I loved didn’t exist outside the walls of that cell.

Originally posted by raquel-lostgirl


@hillrich  @gooseyhouse  @bethabear12  @delicatecapnerd  @abbybills22

@nevergiveuporeatchocolate      @sarcastic-ohohoh    @film-it-fuck-it-live-it–abigail  @ladydarcyofcamelotandasgard  @cate-lynne  @hollycornish  @unusallycarbonatedbagel  @bluebrrn  @dogsareradandstuff   @a-book-pressed-rose  @smadrat  @bangtanjm  @reinakatarina  @infinite-exist-ence  @mcsmashdesigns  @skeletoresinthebasement  @thenerdylesbian  @echelonwonderland  @mayayeah  @mutherfuckinstarboy  @liamjpayne-o  @camila1818  @superflowergirlxxlove  @bodyasleep-mindawake  @omggrace31  @ssa-nightowl  @bexboo616  @prostheticsoldier  @vivianbabz  @tequilavet 

@atlcowgirl  @weirdlyobsessedreader    @life-what-life-i-dont-have-one  @ohitsjustcorina  @vaisabu  @undiscl0sed-desir3s  @wildchild2707  @ok-ladies-lets-get-in-formation  @baileys-corner   @pinkleopardss

@dauntless-princess101      * I hope I got everyone this time oxoxo

(NSFW) Submit and Surrender - Jumin Han

A/N - This is based loosely off the bad end, so expect some of the themes that are apparent in the CG. 

Tagging: @angel0sh, @lou-the-mudkip, @suzunesays, @honeybeelily, @nitelotus, @overlyattachedbookworm, @guardiasedocetes, @ozziescribbles, @yabokkuuu, @nordicicequeen, @jocdh, @toukach@drawingpanda04, @introverted-me , @marie-chu, @an-ambivalent, @saewalk, @catchthespade, @ani99812, @charlotte–chan, @ask-doctor-hannibal-lecter, @rialynkv, @lyricsoflindita, @akechimitsuhidevevo, @alysania, @treasurehan, @kawaiimii, @b2stsb2uty333, @shiorilovesnippon, @button-kitty, @otomezing, @the-kawaiiasian, @emmadeath, @carinecaldre69, @endless-sis, @darkvanixity

Apologies if I’ve missed anyone out - it’s a long list as you can see xD

‘Don’t forget.’ Jumin pressed in on you, your bodies touching inch for inch, the warmth between you growing hot. ‘….We are in love.’ 

There was a silence that followed, a stillness that seemed to teeter on a strained edge. Your breaths were slow but heated, the soft rush of air as it passed your lips the only noise in the room. 

‘…Aren’t we?’ he breathed. There was a fading restraint to his tone…as if he had been tightly coiled up until this moment, as if whatever he had been winding was now beginning to come loose….

‘We are…’ you said, your voice coming out low and husky as small shivers ran down your spine…..like continual reminders that you were about to walk an unfamiliar path. 

‘That’s my good girl.’ Jumin murmured, slowly running the back of his finger down your cheek. ‘…But words are just words. I need you to show me. To trust me,’ he leant in, his breath caressing the shell of your ear. ‘…To submit to me.

Keep reading

AAAAAAAAA!!!! Thank you Anon!!!!!!
I tried to make him sweet and romantic like you wanted, but keep him in character, so he’s still super sassy.

Have fun you two!

————–

“Are you willing to go out this weekend?”

“Sure, I’ve got nothing else going on. Whose all coming?” Your back turned to him, you load the washing machine in the empty laundry area on base.

“Me.” He states plainly, leaning on a machine behind you.

You pause for a moment, then continue your chore. “Just you?”

“Just me.”

“So, you mean, like a date then?” You close the lid, and fiddle with the dials to distract yourself.

“Mmhmm.”

You turn around and see him, with crossed arms, looking at you. “Alright, I’m game.” You say, trying to sound confident. He hums and you offer a smile, nervous in nature, pick up your basket, and go on your way. “I’ll see you then.”

___________

Casual. You could do casual. Or, wait. How casual should it be. Like, normal casual? Maybe you should try to look a little nicer. But, what if he didn’t and you ended up looking like an over prepared doof? You groan, debating over a nice jacket, or a comfortable sweatshirt.

This is ridiculous.

You mull over your choices for a bit longer before you glance at the time and realize that you need to go.

Jacket it is.

“Took you long enough.”

“I’m, like, two minutes late.” You ague once the car that dropped you off left. It was a real pain to get out of the base sometimes, safety protocol proving itself to be annoying as always.

“I got here on time.” He begins to walk down the road and you follow, putting your hands in your pockets in attempt to keep them warm. You take this moment of silence to study him, relishing in the time you get to see him outside of his normal combat attire. It was no surprise that he had a hood on, but doubling it surgical mask, left most of his face obscured to the public.

“Sooooo…” You begin.

“So?”

“Where we goin’?”

“A carnival. It’s suppose to only be here for the weekend.” He glances over to you, noticing how you rub your hands frantically together. “Here,” he takes off his gloves and hands them over, “I don’t need these.”

“Oh, thanks.” You swiftly put them on, feeling silly for forgetting your own.

“You really should’ve worn a thicker jacket.” You face him again, but he looks away. “That one’s nice, but doesn’t look very warm.”

“I’ll be fine.” You assure him. He huffs, not wanting to press further.

__________

“I bet I could hit more targets than you.” You almost pull him to the shooting booth, wiggling your eyebrows.

“I don’t use weapons built for accuracy.”

“Then I’ll win something just for you.” You joke. “What’d ya want? The rastafari banana? Or maybe the blow-up Spider-Man hammer?”

“How ‘bout we play that instead.” He points over to a horse racing booth. “Who ever loses pays for food.”

“Deal!” You sit next to each other, and as other people fill in the few remaining seats, you inspect the game. It was basically mini skeeball; the higher your score, the faster your horse ran.

An easy win.

_____________

“Honestly, I think that guy who got first was jipped. The 'light-sword’ is much better than that big dolphin he got.” You swish your sword around nonchalantly as you spoke. Dusk was well underway, letting the glow it emitted be much more visible.

“A missed opportunity, really.” Reaper commented, amusement lacing his voice. You chew on you food, setting your prize to the side.

“You sure you’re not hungry?”

He nods. “Not a fan of carnival food.”

“Then why’d you make the bet?”

“So you’d let me buy you food.” He waves his hand lazily side to side, “Don’t get me wrong,” he leans onto the table, “if I wanted to, I would’ve demolished you.” You can’t see his mouth, but you know he’s smirking.

__________

“Together or separate?” He asks as you both wait in line for the bumper cars.

“Separate. It’s no fun unless we both get to drive.” When the worker opens the gate, you squeeze your way to the first open car of your favorite color. He nabs a dark red one that was frozen bumping into yours, and as soon as the cars were allowed to move, he slammed onto the gas petal, veering you to the left.

“You were right. This is more fun.” He taunts. You decided to back up without notice, causing him to bump into a dad and his kid that were on the other side of you.

“So long sucker!” You boast, circling around him, only to immediately get stuck between two other cars. “Help me sucker!”

He slams into one, braking the three of you free. Your thanks is cut off by him forcibly turning his wheel to the right, pushing you against the wall. He chuckles and turns away with a sarcastic, “You’re welcome.”

Oh, he was not getting away with that!

_________

A shiver goes through you. Guess Reaper was right about bringing a thicker jacket. In your defense, it’s a lot colder than the weatherman said it would be.

“You’re super cheesy, you know that?” You pull your arms closer to your body, trying not to show how cold you really were.

“And?” He taps on his phone, angled in a way that you couldn’t quite see what was on the screen.

He lets you step into the cart first, before settling beside you and allowing you to rest your sword across the both of you to fit.

“Making the last ride be the Farris wheel? What, were you born in the 80’s?” You rest your arm on the bar, then your head on that and smile at him.

He closes his phone and exhales loudly through his nose, “Looks like I’ve been found out.” He quips.

You start your assent backwards, and you stare in awe at the lights around you. “Woah, it looks so cool from up here!” You point down below, “Hey, look! That guy has the same jacket as you.”

“I wear it better.” He snorts, completely serious. “That kid just ate it.” He states, moving your attention to the teen getting up off the floor.

“At least their smoothie survived.” You nod. He lets out a short laugh and agrees.

___________

The walk back to the pickup area is pleasantly quiet. He lets you take the first car, and you thank him for the fun night, agreeing that it should happen again soon.

Your first thoughts upon arriving at the base were of sleep, however entering your room reviled a package resting on your bed.

Curious, you open it and read the note printed out and taped to the plastic inside.

“Next time, wear something that’ll keep you warm.” You pull out a heavy jacket from inside, styled similarly to the one you had on.

————

Not the most romantic, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it seemed more fun than a fancy dinner. (Now I wanna go to a carnival.)

I should go to bed now.

Waving Through A Window

Jughead x Reader

Request: Hey could I request a Jughead imagine where the reader gets upset because she doesn’t think she’s smart enough/good enough? Based on the song: Waving Through A Window from Dear Evan Hansen

Warnings: Reader Anxiety, negative self-image

Word Count: 3,449 (promise it’s worth it)

A/N: This wasn’t originally based on a song but I’m obsessed with Dear Evan Hansen so here’s a thing. ALSO I JUST FINISHED EPISODE 11 AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF. I stand by my ship of Jughead x Happiness bc BOI (this is not based on the episode, so it is spoiler free my babes)

Masterlist


I walk through the hallway with my head down, and my backpack slamming against me with each step to propel me forward. I don’t talk to anyone except my best friend Betty. Well, okay, she’s not exactly my best friend. Her family is a friend of my family and so in all technicality, she’s the only one I’ve got, ergo my best friend. On particularly not-so-bad days when I mumble to her in the hallway, she’ll be standing next to my long-time crush Jughead, who I would probably never be able to speak to otherwise.

Keep reading

Buffy moments that made me cry

Oi! This post contains spoilers, read at your own risk or whatever.

So, this is gonna be a fun, happy time. 

Sike, because I’m gonna crush your hearts. And keep you here for a long time, because damn is this long. It’s important to understand that, when making this list, I was going off of memory so that could be a reason as to why not every terribly sad scene is in here. Another reason a scene could be left off is because I don’t like certain characters, so their sad moments didn’t cause me to emotionally explode like these did. For example, I’m not a huge fan of Faith, Joyce, Dawn, or Riley. I like them all, but I wasn’t invested enough in them as characters to warrant their hard times breaking my soul. Make sense?

Also, you will notice a common theme here, and if you’ve been following me for a while, this will come as no surprise (and neither will me talking about scenes I’ve already talked excessively about a million times): Spike, Spike, Spuffy, Spike. Spike is my all time favorite character from any show. So, it stands to reason that I feel his pains and woes more heavily than the other characters. Building on that, Spuffy is my ultimate ship. Ergo…you get it. In fact, most of this post will be about Spike, Spuffy, Twillow, and Xanya (is that their ship name?). You’re probably tired of hearing about the same scenes everyone (me) talks about, for example, a lot of the stuff from S7. And honestly, I’m getting a little tired of talking about them, but this list wouldn’t be complete without it, so bear with me.

So, I’m also gonna rate these by level of tears and soul-breakage (whether for happy or sad reasons). A scale of 1 to 5. Allow me to demonstrate with Dean Winchester gifs. 

1 - Prickly eyes, very deep feeling of sadness

2 - Eyes brimmed with tears about to spill over

3 - Tears fall

4 - Tears won’t stop falling

5 - All hope of composure is lost

Fair warning: there are only two 5s on here. So. And keep in mind that a 1 doesn’t mean it’s a bad scene. Think of 1s as very good scenes and 5s as mind-blowing, fuck me up scenes. Also, they’re just how I reacted. I know some of these hit harder with some or fell flat with others. And of course, there’s other scenes that were very sad to watch but didn’t quite make me tear up. For example, when Willow first sees that Glory took away Tara’s sanity or when Spike tells Buffy he’d risk his life to go after someone that hurt her. Okay, let’s get into it.

Okay, before the Buffy, I want to start with a few scenes from Angel that really got me. Not a lot in Angel did get me because I wasn’t as invested in it, but these were hard. 

Doyle dies

The episode: “Hero” 

My rating: 1/5

The moment: There’s a magical bomb about to explode so, Doyle decides to sacrifice himself to save everyone.

Why I cried: Doyle is one of the few characters on Angel that I had a really protective attitude with. Much like I did with early seasons Willow or with Tara, sort of just a sweet character that I want to keep safe. So, because we see Doyle struggle since the beginning with his identity as half-demon, this heroic last act means so much for his story. Not to mention, his last goodbyes with Angel and Cordelia were very heartfelt and sad.

Buffy forgets Human!Angel

The episode: “I Will Remember You”

My rating: 3/5

The moment: Angel had become human for this episode and was able to spend a whole day with Buffy, consequence free. However, realizing he couldn’t protect the world as a human, he opted to erase the previous day. This moment is Angel explaining to Buffy that only he would remember their day together.

Why I cried: This scene got me for a number of reasons. One of the primary reasons is the behind the scenes information surrounding it. Sarah couldn’t hold herself together, David whispered her name (that you can hear in the scene) to calm her. That proves the power of this moment. Additionally, understanding that Angel will have the bear the memory of this day, cut me pretty deep. So did seeing Buffy so broken and panicked. All together, a gut-wrenching scene.

Fred dies

The episode: “A Hole in the World”

My rating: 4/5

The moment: Fred has a run in with an ancient coffin containing the Old One, Illyria. She kills Fred by cooking her organs, causing her to slowly fade away while being watched over by Wesley, her current love. 

Why I cried: Fred is another one of those pure characters that doesn’t deserve the fate she receives. Wesley and Fred spend so long dancing around each other, being with other people before finally connecting…only to have it violently ripped away from them. Requited love resulting in immediate tragedy is something Joss Whedon is a master of, and this certainly isn’t the last example on this list.

Wesley dies

The episode: “Not Fade Away”

My rating: 4/5

The moment: Wesley fights his final battle for Angel and the greater good, resulting in a serious wound that took his life. In his final moments, Illyria transforms herself into Fred to give Wes peace as he dies.

Why I cried: Honestly, the main thought running through my mind with this scene is that Wes and Fred will finally be together. His end is bittersweet for me, as he struggled so much in Angel. Adding on to this, seeing Fred weep over Wesley and knowing that it was equal parts Fred and Illyria feeling grief for him hits home as much as anything else. 

Okay, that’s Angel done. As I said, I wasn’t as invested so I don’t remember all the intense scenes, for one, and I also didn’t care about the story as much in general. Let’s move on to Buffy.

Buffy quits

The episode: “Prophecy Girl”

My rating: 2/5

The moment: Buffy overhears Angel and Giles discussing the prophecy that Buffy is to die if she faces the Master. She makes her presence known and decides to quit her role as Slayer because she’s afraid of dying.

Why I cried: This is the first time we see Buffy terrified of anything. Really terrified. And understandably so. I think the thing about this scene that gets me the most is that Buffy is supposed to be this tough girl, not afraid of anything, least of all dying. Which is quite unfair to ask of anyone. So here, we see the rational reaction to dying that we don’t expect her to have. Hearing her tell Giles that she’s sixteen and doesn’t want to die is almost shocking because she’s right, but that’s something we don’t totally register before this scene. And it’s almost made sadder by the fact that we know she doesn’t really have the choice to walk away from her calling. No matter how hard she fights, it doesn’t matter.

Buffy and Giles cry together

The episode: “Passion”

My rating: 1/5

The moment: Right after Giles goes after Angelus for killing Jenny, Buffy pulls him out of the burning factory and screams at him for risking his life.

Why I cried: It’s just the combination of knowing Giles’ pain is so real and seeing Buffy’s fear of losing him. Giles, being a Watcher, hadn’t really had the opportunity to live a life outside of books and Slayers. Jenny was his chance to do that, and he lost her. He lost her right after he’d decided to take her back after the whole Angel/Angelus debacle. Remember that requited love turns to tragedy thing? On top of that, it isn’t often we see Buffy express her affection for Giles. This rare moment of vulnerability, for both of them, makes this scene crushing.

Buffy kills Angel

The episode: “Becoming: Part 2″

My rating: 3/5

The moment: Buffy resigns herself to killing Angelus, as it appears they won’t be able to ensoul him, and he plans to release Acathla and destroy the world. At the last moment, after the door to Hell is opened, Angel regains his soul. Unfortunately, the only way to close the portal is to the kill the one who opened it. Buffy, then, is forced to kill her love.

Why I cried: The acting. That’s what it is. Other than the fact that it’s terribly tragic that they have to lose each other after so long apart,–*coughs* requited love–it’s just the fact that I can see it all on their faces. And Angel is so confused by what’s happening, and Buffy doesn’t explain. She just says goodbye, a goodbye cloaked in loving words. And then Angel’s confusion turns to shock, and Buffy’s expression of responsibility overrun with pain…it’s all a part of why this scene is so, so sad.

Buffy cries in Willow’s lap

The episode: “The Prom”

My rating: 3/5

The moment: Just after Angel breaks up with her, Buffy confides in Willow. She conveys that she’s trying to keep from dying, that she feels like she can’t breathe. Willow holds her head in her lap while she cries.

Why I cried: On a personal note, for me and I’m sure many others, this spoke to me. It related almost exactly to one of my break-ups in the past. Because of that, it was more than just watching these characters bleed and cry on TV and trying to understand it. This, I did understand. And it hurts. And seeing our hero weep like this over something so…mundane…that’s pain.

Willow and Oz break up

The episode: “Wild at Heart”

My rating: 3/5

The moment: Oz has made the decision, after a few nights with a fellow werewolf, that he will leave Sunnydale to try and tame the beast inside of him. As a result, he has to initiate a painful goodbye with the woman he loves.

Why I cried: This is the ever-present struggle with relationships. You want to be together, you want to be with them, but when it comes down to it, sometimes you need to take care of you. And that’s a tough choice to make. The thing about this scene is that neither of them fell out of love with the other (despite Willow asking Oz if he had). Oz had to tear himself away from the one thing he’d loved all his life so that he could better himself. Which means, for me anyway, that you can’t blame Oz. And an ending relationship where neither party is to blame, well that’s a hard blow. 

Oz’s final goodbye

The episode: “New Moon Rising”

My rating: 2/5

The moment: Oz returns to Sunnydale, hoping to reignite his flame with Willow. Upon returning, he realizes that Willow has fallen in love with someone else–Tara. In his final scene, he says a tearful and final goodbye to Willow.

Why I cried: You know that feeling when you’re watching something and you just know that this is the end for a character? Like, you feel the deep sorrow that this is the last you’ll see of them? That’s what I was feeling. And I’m sure that’s what Willow was feeling. Because Oz didn’t fall out of love with her, it’s saddening to see him so wilted because he wasn’t able to get back together with Willow. But at the same time, it’s amazing to see how understanding and caring he is regarding Willow’s love for another person. Happy goodbyes can be just as tearful as the sad ones.

Willow chooses Tara

The episode: “New Moon Rising”

My rating: 1/5

The moment: After leaving Oz, Willow goes to Tara’s dorm room. Tara worries that Willow is coming to tell her she’s chosen Oz. She assures Willow that she should be with the one she loves, to which Willow replies, “I am.”

Why I cried: Oh my goodness. Tara is just so happy in this moment. And so is Willow. After all the confusion, after all the concern and tiptoeing and worry, Willow and Tara finally choose each other.

The gang defends Tara  

The episode: “Family”

My rating: 2/5

The moment: Tara’s family comes to take her home because they claim (falsely) that she is part demon. She’s prepared to leave to spare her friends the shame of knowing her. In a twist, the Scoobies–even Spike, to an extent–defend Tara and protect her against her family.

Why I cried: This is the first time Tara is ever officially welcomed into the unofficial family of the Scoobies. And we get to see characters come to her defense, not because she’s connected to Willow, but because she’s connected to all of them. It’s a very warm family moment that gives me the warm fuzzies.

Spike comforts Buffy 

The episode: “Fool for Love”

My rating: 3/5

The moment: After a long night at each other’s throats, Spike vows to kill Buffy despite the complication of the behavior chip. Upon arriving at her house, Spike finds Buffy crying because of her mother’s worsening illness, a fact unbeknownst to him. He asks what’s wrong, if there’s anything he can do and ends up sitting silently with her in the moment.

Why I cried: Why would I cry so much over such a small thing? Well, because of the little things. Spike looks…curious. Instead of this big, swanky, know-it-all vampire, Spike is intrigued and curious concerning Buffy and how he feels about her. It’s almost like Buffy is this magical, foreign creature that he can’t look away from lest it run away, never to be seen again. And when he pats her back, he’s so gentle with her, somehow understanding what she needs without knowing the situation. And it helps. You can see Buffy’s face, see that she’s comforted to have someone to be with her there. It’s a very serene, tender moment.

Buffy finds her mom dead  

The episode: “The Body”

My rating: 2/5

The moment: Buffy comes home to find Joyce lying on the couch, dead. In a panic, she calls 911. After that, she calls Giles. All the while, moving from confusion to alarm to shock.

Why I cried: This is a very real reaction to death. Especially the death of a close loved one. And it’s very strange for us to see Buffy this shattered, even with all the pain she’s gone through before this moment. It’s a hard scene to pick at, but we feel the same sort of surreal blankness that Buffy does.

Buffy tells Dawn about Joyce  

The episode: “The Body”

My rating: 2/5

The moment: Buffy goes to Dawn’s school to tell her about their mother’s death.

Why I cried: It’s just…I didn’t and don’t care for Dawn very much…so that alone should tell you why this scene made the list. Seeing her that sorrowful and knowing that she still feels, if only in this case, like a little girl that still needs her mommy…it makes this scene heartbreaking.

Willow and Tara embrace

The episode: “The Body”

My rating: 3/5

The moment: Willow worries over what she should wear to the hospital to meet Buffy and Dawn. Her sadness and cries escalate until Tara goes to her, and they share their first (on-screen) kiss.

Why I cried: For one, it’s a good reminder that Joyce touched more people’s lives than Buffy’s and Dawn’s. Also, it’s a good moment for us to be there with Willow and Tara and feel their love and compassion. Just the way that they hold each other and breathe into each other’s embrace…it’s beautiful. 

Anya asking why Joyce died

The episode: “The Body”

My rating: 4/5

The moment: Tensions raise between Willow and Anya, as Anya doesn’t completely understand the actions taken by humans when a loved one dies. Anya soon breaks down and exclaims that the mortality of humans is nonsensical and stupid.

Why I cried: Anya is meant to be this confused, blunt, and uninformed character that never really grasps the spectrum of human emotions and mannerisms. But here’s the thing: in her ramblings about the stupidity of death and her confusion over why Joyce had to die, she makes the most sense of all. The beauty of her confusion and bluntness and uninformed nature is that she hits on the exact thought that everyone has when someone passes on: why? 

Buffy cries with Dawn 

The episode: “Forever”

My rating: 1/5

The moment: After Buffy stops Dawn from resurrecting their mother, she hears a knock on the door and runs to it, hoping it’s her mother. Dawn tears the photo of Joyce up that was used to bring her back in the first place, cancelling the spell. Realizing that they are truly on their own now, the two break down in front of the door and cry openly together.

Why I cried: It’s some of the first common ground we see with the two of them, especially since Joyce’s death. It’s horrible yet heartwarming to see Buffy and Dawn, at least for the time being, come together as sisters.

“I know you’ll never love me.”

The episode: “The Gift”

My rating: 3/5

The moment: Spike and Buffy return to her house to pick up some weapons for their fight against Glory. Upon arriving, Spike offers to take the weapons over the threshold, having been locked out of Buffy’s house previously. Buffy invites him in for the second time and tells Spike she’s counting on him to protect Dawn. He replies that he will–“’til the end of the world,” even if he dies doing so. He then tells her that, even though he knows she’ll never love him, he’s grateful that she treats him like a man.

Why I cried: Oh my God, so many reasons. From the top, Spike’s willingness to cooperate with Buffy’s wishes to stay out of her house and then Buffy’s subsequent invitation to enter back in says volumes about how far they’ve come in such a short time. Spike’s facial expression when she invites him back in began the trail of tears for me. When Spike proclaims he will protect Dawn “’til the end of the world,” that solidified the notion that he’d really changed, which overwhelmed me with emotion. And finally, when Spike says “I know you’ll never love me. I know that I’m a monster, but you treat me like a man and that’s…” That moment really touches me, firstly, because of the respect you can see on Buffy’s face. Whether or not she even likes Spike, she respects him now, after it all. Secondly, Spike is expecting to die. Whether by himself or alongside everyone, he’s expecting that this night is the end for him. And his final words to Buffy tell her: it’s alright that you don’t love me, I’m just happy to be in your life. He doesn’t try and convince her one last time, doesn’t try and persuade her. He’s a complete gentleman, and that’s the best part.

Willow finds Tara 

The episode: “The Gift”

My rating: 3/5

The moment: Willow is finally able to get Tara back after so long without her because of Glory’s magic keeping Tara from being in control of her own mind. In a rush of joy, the two embrace, Willow telling a previously lost Tara that she’ll always find her.

Why I cried: The happiest tears come from this scene. Can you imagine being separated from your true love for so long without ever actually being physically apart from them? Having to see them every single day struggling against their own mind? That must be the hardest fate you could have. But Willow stuck with Tara, and it paid off in the end. The found each other in one of the happiest moments of the show’s run. 

Spike sees Buffy dead

The episode: “The Gift”

My rating: 4/5

The moment: After a long and hard fight against Glory, Buffy sacrifices herself to close the portal opened up by Summers blood. Her friends and family show varying signs of grief for their loss.

Why I cried: So, Willow and Spike had the two strongest reactions to seeing Buffy dead. Dawn was crying, but she’d already talked to Buffy and knew she would be dead when she reached the bottom of the tower. Anya was blank, seemingly because Buffy dying was almost expected. Xander and Giles showed emotion–sadness–but didn’t cry. Willow and Spike were sobbing. But why does specifically Spike make me cry? Two reasons. First: Willow is known to be very sensitive, so it’s expected that she’d break down immediately and not need time to register that Buffy had died. She went instantly to grief. Spike is known to be sensitive as well, being a poet and often shedding a tear when Buffy rejects him. But this. Spike doesn’t do this. He doesn’t absolutely break. His body doesn’t heave and convulse with sobs and sorrow. The reason Spike reacted so violently leads into my second reason, a reason James Marsters himself has stated: Buffy wasn’t just a loved one; she was his only loved one. The only person he had. That’s why what I said earlier on comes into play: Spike expected to die alone or die with everyone. He never expected to be left alone in a world without Buffy. Never. 

“Be brave. Live. For me.”

The episode: “The Gift”

My rating: 4/5

The moment: As Buffy is preparing to sacrifice herself to save the world, she gives her little sister, Dawn, some final words of advice to live on with after she’s gone.

Why I cried: I think it’s safe to say that this scene is one of the most remembered scenes from Buffy. And rightfully so. The reason I found this scene to be tear-inducing isn’t because Buffy is leaving her little sister or even because she’s dying willingly not only to save the world but to save herself from life. The reason this scene is so powerful is because it speaks to everyone. It tells everyone that they can be strong and live in a world so prone to kicking us when we’re down. It tells us that we can all choose to be like Buffy–a warrior. So, when I watch this scene, Buffy is speaking to me. And hearing something like that come from one of my greatest heroes, that’s a dream come true.

Spike sees Buffy alive 

The episode: “After Life”

My rating: 3/5

The moment: Spike storms into the Summers home, frantic to see if Dawn made it home safely. After scolding her for running off previously, Dawn draws his attention to a newly resurrected Buffy walking down the stairs. 

Why I cried: Two words to describe his expression: shocked and elated. It is so phenomenal the amount of emotion communicated through Spike’s eyes here. As soon as he sees her, you can see so many things pass over his face. Joy, disbelief, the effort not to cry, the urge to touch her, the need to be careful with her. All of that combined makes these few seconds something to talk about. No words, just…them.

“147 days yesterday. Uh, 148 today.”

The episode: “After Life”

My rating: 3/5

The moment: Buffy asks Spike, who is examining her bloody hands, how long she had been gone for. Spike replies, “147 days yesterday. Uh, 148 today. Except today doesn’t count does it?”

Why I cried: Let’s just…he counted the days. He counted the days. Not weeks. Not months. Days. And the way he’s looking at her. His expression screams that he’s so happy to see her…but also that he’s not going to hurt her or push her. Which is the very first time this season that Spike does something for Buffy that no one else can or could. This man was so broken when he saw her lifeless body, and yet he’s able to compose himself enough to make sure Buffy is comfortable and safe. That’s love right there.

Spike blames Willow

The episode: “After Life”

My rating: 1/5

The moment: Spike corners Xander after a pointed comment about Spike returning to his days of stalking Buffy now that she was alive again. Spike expressed anger that no one told him about the plan to revive Buffy. Xander, unable to come up with a reason as to why they didn’t tell him, is baffled when Spike proposes that Willow kept it from him on purpose. Spike suggests that Willow knew Buffy could come back from the grave other than herself and they’d have to send her back. However, since Spike wouldn’t allow that to happen if any part of it was still Buffy, he guesses that Willow kept him in the dark to keep him from interfering in the case that Buffy’s reprieve was brief. 

Why I cried: This is a little moment, I understand. But the fact that it’s implied that Spike, of all people, wouldn’t allow the gang to get rid of a rabid Buffy, that’s pretty impactful. In fact, I would’ve guessed that Spike would be the one to opt for putting Buffy back in her grave, that he wouldn’t want Buffy to live and suffer. The shocking revelation that Spike wouldn't do just that is what rocked my emotions enough to include it on this list.

“Every night, I save you.”

The episode: “After Life”

My rating: 4/5

The moment: Buffy visits Spike in his crypt, likely looking for a break from the Scoobies. After an attempt from Spike to make small talk, he sits down and begins telling her what it’s been like since she died. He tells her he blames himself for her death and that ever since that night, in his mind, he never stopped saving her. 

Why I cried: Aside from character deaths, I’d put this scene in a top 5 list for Buffy’s saddest moments. He reminds her that he never stopped protecting Dawn, but then he backtracks on that idea, talks about the night she died. The way he blames himself…he erases everything else and only sees that he should’ve died protecting Dawn so Buffy wouldn’t of had to jump. And then he tells her he did save her, like it’s a sure fact, before saying he didn’t save her when it counted but he has every night since. This part is so easy to imagine: Spike laying in bed at night, maybe thinking, maybe dreaming about doing something different. About finding some other way to save Buffy, about pretending the last 147 days didn’t happen. He loses himself in his explanation, finally assuring Buffy, “Every night, I save you.” 

Giles and Tara’s duet 

The episode: “Once More, With Feeling”

My rating: 2/5

The moment: Willow and Giles share a song, both expressing the need (but not desire) leave the one person they love the most. Giles, singing as a father; Tara singing as a lover. Both grieving the future loss of a relationship they wish they didn’t have to let go.

Why I cried: This little tidbit of a song gets me every time. Individually, Giles and Tara singing about losing Buffy and Willow respectively is heartbreaking on its own–but together…they both have to leave but for separate reasons, they both don’t want to leave for separate reasons, they both recognize the ending of their separate relationships. The power in this song is how a father and a lover can sing about a daughter and partner, say the exact same thing, mean the exact same thing, but for completely different circumstances. 

“You have to go on living, so one of us is living.” 

The episode: “Once More, With Feeling”

My rating: 2/5

The moment: As Buffy is dancing, about to go up in flame, Spike catches her. He sings to her about life and tells her that, even though it’s hard, she has to keeping living because that’s the only way she’ll heal.

Why I cried: This is another moment where Spike seems to know just what to say. He’s simply telling Buffy to keep fighting, like she’s always done. He’s telling her that she has to live so at least one of them is living. It’s as close to selfless as we’ve seen from Spike thus far or will see from him until his soul. It’s all for Buffy.

Tara realizes the truth

The episode: “Tabula Rasa”

My rating: 1/5

The moment: Xander accidentally steps on the crystal used to facilitate the memory spell, thus breaking it. Tara, realizing Willow had again cast a spell to affect her memory, cries for the loss of their relationship.

Why I cried: It’s a very sudden moment, and that makes it harsher to watch. Willow had previously fallen on top of Tara and was still there when the spell was broken, so Tara shoved her off and stood up immediately. The jolt of the movement punctuated the possible finality of Willow and Tara. 

“Goodbye To You”

The episode: “Tabula Rasa”

My rating: 4/5

The moment: As Michelle Branch sings “Goodbye To You,” we see two endings and a beginning. Giles flies out for London and Tara leaves Willow. Simultaneously, Buffy and Spike indulge in each other for the second time. 

Why I cried: Let’s start with Giles. So, the saddest part about Giles’ portion of this moment is that he’s alone now. No more Buffy, no more magic shop, he’s totally alone. Dawn feels betrayed by the crumble of Willow and Tara’s relationship. Tara feels guilty about that, but she also feels sorrow for having no other choice but to leave. Willow feels remorse and pain. Meanwhile, Buffy seemingly turns Spike away after he tries to comfort her from the spell being broken, as she was slammed back into her life that she’d described before as “painful”–until she decides she wants him. And Spike gets to indulge in his need for her. Through all of these goodbyes, at least someone got the (albeit brief) happiness that they needed.

Willow’s breakdown

The episode: “Wrecked”

My rating: 3/5

The moment: After meeting with Rack, a black magic dealer, Willow crashes a vehicle with Dawn in the passenger seat. Dawn subsequently is nearly killed by a demon, saved just in time by Spike and Buffy. Spike takes Dawn home as Willow has a breakdown, exclaiming that she can’t stop using magic, that she ruined everything.

Why I cried: When you see a character, especially one you love, completely shatter in front of you, that has an impact. Willow was just so limp and weak in that moment, a moment where she admitted that she was wrong and that she needed help. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for her to come to that conclusion, how much the guilt of nearly killing Dawn was eating at her. And yet, in this moment of weakness, she asked Buffy for help. And that is the strongest thing she could’ve done.

“I could never be your girl.”

The episode: “Dead Things”

My rating: 2/5

The moment: Johnathan, Warren, and Andrew devise a plan to frame Buffy for the accidental murder of Warren’s ex-girlfriend. After their plan was successful, Buffy planned to turn herself in. Spike, however, wasn’t going to let Buffy throw her life away because of an accident. She began hitting him as Spike egged her on, told her to put it all on him. When she did, he said, “That’s my girl.” To this, Buffy hit him faster and harder, screaming that she could never be his girl because he was a soulless, evil “thing.”

Why I cried: The first part of why this scene is so emotional is because Buffy is trying so hard to deny that she enjoys being with Spike. Combine that with the guilt from “killing” that girl, and Buffy’s portion of this scene is extremely intense. Now, for Spike’s. Seeing Spike get insulted and beat on and emotionally torn up, crushes me. Considering all he’d done in the past, yes, he deserved it. But considering that he was trying, he definitely didn’t deserve it. And even after all that, he still tried to keep her from going into that police station. And Buffy looked horrified when she took in what she’d done to Spike. “You always hurt the one you love, pet.”

Buffy confides in Tara

The episode: “Dead Things”

My rating: 3/5 

The moment: Buffy had previously asked Tara to test her and see if she’d come back from the grave wrong. When Tara confirmed that nothing was wrong with her, Buffy broke down, insisting that there must be for her to let Spike touch her. Tara assured her that it was alright and that she understood. Buffy, not wanting to be forgiven, laid her head in Tara’s lap and begged for Tara not to forgive her.

Why I cried: The small thing here is that Buffy and Tara’s relationship is being built up by this, which is the one positive thing. But, it’s just overwhelmingly sad that Buffy feels so horrible for being with Spike and increasingly more sad that she thinks she should be punished for it. Of course, there’s more in her that’s broken aside from her attraction to Spike, but the sheer shame in her eyes is completely heartbreaking.

“You glow.”

The episode: “Hell’s Bells”

My rating: 1/5

The moment: Spike and Buffy attempt to be civil after their break-up. Spike tells Buffy that it’s nice to see her happy, even if it isn’t with him, because he doesn’t get to see it a lot. He tells her she glows, and then she does.

Why I cried: The thing that kept running through my mind during this scene was that if they had simply treated each other like this before, they would’ve been beautiful together.

Xander leaves Anya at the altar 

The episode: “Hell’s Bells”

My rating: 4/5

The moment: Xander, afraid of ending up like the man in his falsified vision or even like his parents, leaves Anya at the altar on their wedding day. 

Why I cried: Anya was supposed to be the one to leave. Anya was supposed to be the scared partner, afraid of getting hurt. Instead, Xander was the one to leave. Because he was afraid of hurting her. Unfortunately, both Xander and Anya did or got exactly what they didn’t want. 

Xander and Buffy catch Anya and Spike

The episode: “Entropy”

My rating: 2/5

The moment: Due to a camera put in the Magic Box by the Trio, Xander and Buffy see Spike and Anya having sex. Xander, determined to kill Spike, is chased down by Buffy who stops him. Xander and Anya argue about Xander’s choice to leave Anya at the altar. Xander says he can’t look at her anymore because she’s been with Spike. It’s at this moment that Spike reveals his previous involvement with Buffy, causing a rift between all four of them.

Why I cried: It’s just one of those scenes that all you can do is sit back and watch as it all crumbles in front of you. You want to agree with Buffy and Xander because they’re the traditional “good guys,” but they are the ones who left Anya and Spike out in the cold. A lot of conflicting emotions for the viewer.

Spike attempts to rape Buffy

The episode: “Seeing Red”

My rating: 3/5

The moment: Spike goes to apologize to Buffy for hurting her because of his encounter with Anya. Buffy tells him that, although she has feelings for him, it isn’t love. This is misconstrued by Spike, leading to an attempted rape that is quickly derailed by Buffy kicking Spike off.

Why I cried: I could go on about this scene. The very first time I watched this, I didn’t cry. I didn’t do anything. I just sat there, completely frozen. I felt helpless, hopeless. I couldn’t stop what was happening, I couldn’t look away. I understood fully and entirely what was going on in this scene, what the point was. I knew that Spike instantly regretted what he did, that he didn’t even register until afterwards what it was that he’d almost done. I knew Buffy knew that too. But all I could think was, “This is it. This is how Spike and Buffy’s story ends.” And it just saddened me so much. It made me so empty to think that this was how the greatest love story I’d ever seen before got it’s end. I just felt like the world drained away and all that was left was hopelessness. I remember I had to shut off my computer afterwards and sit in silence for hours, not moving, not thinking, just hurting. And then the tears came. Because of all that I mentioned above, it all hit me and once and I broke. I couldn’t and, really still can’t, touch that scene. To this day, it just brings back the feeling that nothing matters and hope is lost.

Tara dies  

The episode: “Villains”

My rating: 5/5

The moment: After Tara is shot and killed by Warren, Willow weeps over her body.

Why I cried: It’s Tara. It’s Tara and it’s Willow and it’s not fair. It’s not fair that they only got to be happy again for a moment before it was all ripped away. It isn’t fair that Willow has to feel pain like that. It’s just not fair.

Yellow crayon

The episode: “Grave”

My rating: 3/5

The moment: Xander goes to Willow, who is bent on destroying the world. He tells her that if she plans on destroying the world, he’s going with her. He repeats that he loves her, angering her at first, but eventually getting through to her as he tells her one last time.

Why I cried: It’s just a very powerful moment coming from Xander. After all both of them have been through: losing their loves together (whether that be Cordy and Oz or Anya and Tara), growing up together, staying together through all the pain. Of all the relationships on the show, Xander and Willow have got to have the strongest one. 

Willow cries in Xander’s arms 

The episode: “Grave”

My rating: 4/5

The moment: After talking her down, Xander is finally able to embrace Willow as she comes back to herself.

Why I cried: He did it. Xander saved the world. Xander, the guy who always considers himself useless. He saved the world. And he saved Willow. How amazing is he? 

The church scene

The episode: “Beneath You”

My rating: 3/5

The moment: Spike reveals to Buffy that he got his soul back. He first tells her that his soul has been torturing him ever since he got it back, that he doesn’t blame her for not loving him, that he feels terribly for trying to hurt her. He then asks why everything isn’t fixed, confused by the fact that his soul is causing more trouble than it is fixing him. He then rests on a cross, burning himself as Buffy watches in the distance.

Why I cried: The whole scene, Spike is saying seemingly nonsensical things that all add up to him telling Buffy about how miserable he’s been since he got his soul back. Knowing the pain he went through to get his soul in the first place and that he’s in pain still is enough to tear anyone up. But my pain comes when Spike says he wasn’t a good man–or rather, a man at all–before he got his soul. That moment when his voice breaks and he tells Buffy he got his soul for her so that he could be worthy of being. And then he lays himself on the cross, a symbol for the fact that he’s still a monster, still worthy of pain and unworthy of love. And Buffy looks to be a combination of horrified and guilty as she stares on at this man that went through Hell for her and can’t find his way back.

“Stay here, and help me be quiet.”

The episode: “Help”

My rating: 3/5

The moment: Buffy comes down the basement to ask Spike for his help in saving a girl that is meant to die on that day. She asks Spike if there is any evil in the basement, and he identifies himself as the evil because he hurt Buffy. Once Buffy realizes he has nothing useful for her, she begins to walk away. Spike calls after her and asks her to stay with him to help him be quiet. Buffy replies that it’s worse when she’s there and walks away.

Why I cried: Spike just looks so beaten. When Buffy speaks to him, he uses her voice to ground him and keep him in reality. You can see him trying to think, trying to stay there in the moment. Trying to understand what she’s asking of him. And he says that he’s paying (with the pain from his soul) because he hurt Buffy. He doesn’t want to hurt the girl. Finally, as Buffy walks away from him, he pleads with her to stay there, to help him keep the voices out. She denies his plea and leaves him sitting alone.

“It’s still all about you.”

The episode: “Sleeper”

My rating: 2/5

The moment: Buffy accuses Spike of killing the girl he went out with the night before. Spike tells her he couldn’t have, because he got his soul. Furthermore, he’s offended that she thinks he would go to the trouble of getting his soul back just to kill again. He tells her he does go out and talk to women, but only because he can’t talk to her. Spike continues, saying that, unlike the chip, the soul he got on his own, for her. As Buffy’s telling him she knows that, Spike says that he only passes time with other women because at the end of the day, it’s still all about her.

Why I cried: Spike is trying so hard here to make her believe that he’d really, undeniably changed. And he looks so hurt that she really thinks he’d kill someone after all he went through to be better. More than that, he’s so terrified that somehow he did do it. Because he doesn’t want to be the bad man anymore. This whole scene is just pure emotion.

“Do it fast, okay?”

The episode: “Sleeper”

My rating: 3/5

The moment: Spike asks Buffy to kill him in this scene. He mentions that “He” said she would do it, prompting Buffy to ask him what he remembered about the killings. Spike, upon saying that he doesn’t remember anything, begs to forget what he’d done. Buffy tells him that something mystical has been messing with him, to which Spike responds by asking her to help him, and Buffy agrees.

Why I cried: He looks so small. That’s not something we’re used to seeing. This big, bad, 100+ year old vampire is cowering in the corner, begging for death by the hands of the Slayer. And the way his voice breaks when he asks Buffy, “Do it fast, okay?” just breaks my heart. All he wants to do is stop the pain, whether that means ending his life or forgetting it ever happened. 

“I believe in you, Spike.”

The episode: “Never Leave Me”

My rating: 4/5

The moment: Spike insists that Buffy kill him before he can hurt anyone else because of the First. Buffy assures him that if he hadn’t really changed, he’d already be dead. She tells him that he fought every evil instinct he had to be the good man standing in front of her. Right before the Bringers break in and kidnap Spike, Buffy looks at him and tells him she believes in him.

Why I cried: During this scene, all I think about is how much they’ve grown, namely Buffy. I think about all the negative feelings she had towards Spike, how she realized that she didn’t need to feel those things anymore. She let go of the hate she had for him and instead put faith where hate had previously resided. Faith for Spike. That’s a damn big change. Just the way Spike looks back at her… He is totally and completely surprised by what she’s said. It’s hard to put that into words, but he’s so taken aback by the fact that she believes in him. In my opinion, it isn’t, “You believe in me?” It’s, “You really believe in me?” That’s what makes it magnificent. 

Spike resists the First

The episode: “Bring on the Night”

My rating: 2/5

The moment: The First interrogates and tortures Spike, who refuses to give over to whatever the First has planned. The First challenges him, asks him why he thinks he’ll be any good at all in the world as something other than evil. Spike simply says, “She does. Because she believes in me.”

Why I cried: So, for one, resisting the most powerful force of evil ever is hard enough, especially since Spike, as a vampire, is supposed to be evil by nature. But Spike isn’t resisting because the First hurt him. He isn’t resisting because he wants to be a good man. He’s resisting because Buffy believes he can be a good man. And that’s enough. 

Buffy saves Spike

The episode: “Showtime”

My rating: 3/5

The moment: Spike, becoming doubtful that Buffy would risk her life to save him, looks up to see her standing in front of him with a knife in her hand. Sure that it’s the First playing with his emotions again, he insists she’s not real. Buffy, without a word, cuts him free of his bonds. They look at each other, relieved, and walk out of the cave, free.

Why I cried: Look at his face. He was so scared that Buffy wouldn’t come for him, even though he’d tried to convince himself that she would. When she does come for him, he just looks so happy. Almost in awe of her and his love for her and his elation at seeing her and knowing she cared for him enough to save him. And Buffy. I think upon seeing Spike that joyful, she got overwhelmed herself. Almost assuring him with her eyes that, “I’m here,” but also feeling that heavy emotion with him. All together, a peaceful and beautiful scene.

“I’m not ready for you to not be here.”

The episode: “First Date”

My rating: 2/5

The moment: Spike suggests that he leave town in the case that the First wasn’t done using him yet. Buffy tells him he’s not going to leave. Misunderstanding, Spike tells her that with Wood around, she won’t need him in the final fight. But Buffy corrects him and tells him that’s not why she needs him to stay. Spike asks her what her reasoning is and she says, “’Cause I’m not ready for you to not be here.”

Why I cried: Let’s talk Spike first. He looks as though he’s discovered for the first time that Buffy feels something more for him. And I think it confuses him. Buffy doesn’t just disregard the idea that she only needs Spike for the fight, she doesn’t even make that a possibility. She could’ve said she needed him for the fight as well, but also because she just needed him. But instead she implies that the only reason he has to stay is because she needs him. That is…wow.

Andrew closes the Hellmouth 

The episode: “Storyteller”

My rating: 1/5

The moment: Buffy tells Andrew that, unlike other people’s blood, his will close the Hellmouth rather than open it. Andrew fears that Buffy is going to kill him, and Buffy makes him see how horrible it was that he’d killed Johnathan. She holds him over the Hellmouth as he cries, and as his tears hit the Hellmouth’s opening, it closes. 

Why I cried: Andrew’s redemption arc was something that I took very well and appreciated. Knowing the First’s affect on people can shed some light onto why Andrew would’ve killed Johnathan, no matter how bad of a decision it was. So, seeing him repent like this is hard. At the same time, you can see Buffy feels a little bad for causing him pain, even though she was mostly only doing it to close the portal to the Hellmouth. It’s also the first real time we see Andrew gain any acceptance from Buffy. It’s very touching.

Buffy gets kicked out

The episode: “Empty Places”

My rating: 2/5

The moment: The potentials, Buffy’s friends, and fellow Slayer, Faith decide to vote Buffy out of her leadership role. They state that she’s too reckless and controlling and that they’d much rather be under Faith’s command (much to Faith’s dismay). Buffy then leaves with one last plea for Faith to protect them.

Why I cried: Here’s the thing, it’s hard to watch because everybody in this scene is right. Buffy is right about the vineyard holding something important to their battle. The group is right that she’s been too brash and bossy about her decision making. Buffy is wrong in assuming that her opinion is the only one that matters, and the group is wrong to throw her out of her house. Just knowing that there’s a better solution to this situation makes it horrible to watch.

Spike gives Buffy strength

The episode: “Touched”

My rating: 4/5

The moment: Spike finds Buffy in an abandoned house, saddened by the realization that she had lost herself in her journey as Slayer. As a part of Buffy confiding in Spike, she mentions that he only wanted her because she was unattainable. This prompts Spike to sit her down and tell her why it is he loves her, giving Buffy back the confidence that she needs to finish the fight.

Why I cried: All this scene is, is Spike totally and utterly being there for Buffy. He’s not doing it for selfish reasons. He’s not doing it as a backdoor way to tell her yet again that he loves her. He’s only saying these things to Buffy for Buffy. He only wants for her to see herself the way he does, the way many do. And, for the first time, he tells her why he loves her, not just that he does. Which is something I don’t think he could articulate before his soul. And Buffy is just so touched by what he’s saying, she’s washed away by this man sitting in front of her. There’s nothing better.

Spike holds Buffy

The episode: “Touched”

My rating: 3/5

The moment: As Spike prepares to sleep either in another room or on a chair in the same room as Buffy, she calls to him and asks him to hold her. The two spend the night together in each other’s arms.

Why I cried: It’s just lovely, isn’t it? To see them be intimate? Especially amidst every other character in this montage making love. Spike and Buffy had their turn to be physical, now they get the chance to just be with each other. Spike goes to Buffy with no hesitation after she asks him to hold her, at first prepared to do whatever made her comfortable. It’s another moment where Spike removes himself from the situation, only there to be there for Buffy. Absolutely lovely.

“Terrified.” 

The episode: “End of Days”

My rating: 2/5

The moment: Buffy asks Spike how he felt about the night before, the night they spent together. He tells her he’s terrified. He says that the night before was the best night of his life. Buffy tells him she was there with him just before the two decide to leave the rest of this discussion until after they “go be heroes.” 

Why I cried: Goodness, where do I start? Both of them are afraid the previous night didn’t mean as much to the other as it did to them. Buffy finally decides that she wants to lay out her feelings for Spike and know his feelings for her. Spike is terrified that he loves her so much, that he might lose her, that she may not want him. And when Buffy tells him she was completely in that moment with him…oh my God, Spike’s face. He’s just so hopeful. After all the Hell they’ve both been through, they find hope in each other.

Buffy calls Spike a champion

The episode: “Chosen”

My rating: 2/5

The moment: Buffy comes home, after her talk with Angel, with an amulet that is meant to be worn by a champion to save the world. The champion is meant to have a soul but be more than human, so Spike tells Buffy that if Angel wasn’t staying to wear it, then he should instead. Buffy tells him that it’s meant to be worn by a champion, and Spike’s expression falls just before Buffy steps forward and places it in his hand.

Why I cried: Buffy set that up on purpose specifically to show Spike how deeply she felt about him and to make him happy. You can see in her eyes that she’s trying to convey the way she feels, and Spike glows when she implies that he is a champion. This little moment between them is breathtaking. 

Buffy and Spike spend their last night together

The episode: “Chosen”

My rating: 3/5

The moment: Spike and Buffy look at each other fondly before spending the night–what they assume to be their last night alive–together.

Why I cried: All together, these silent few moments mean so much. They could’ve spent their last night with anyone, but they decided to spend it with each other. That alone shows how much they mean to one another. A happy moment to preface the end of their story on Buffy.

Anya dies

The episode: “Chosen”

My rating: 4/5

The moment: In her heroic effort to save Andrew’s life, Anya sacrifices her own.

Why I cried: Anya finally got to be brave. She wasn’t running away anymore, she took her stand and became a warrior. It’s a bittersweet goodbye knowing that she and Xander could’ve come together again, but in the end, Anya died a hero.

Spike and Buffy’s goodbye

The episode: “Chosen”

My rating: 4/5

The moment: As Spike’s amulet activates, Buffy rushes over to him. Spike tells her he’s staying behind to finish the job, and Buffy grabs his hand, igniting a flame. Buffy then says a long awaited, “I love you.” Spike responds, “No you don’t, but thanks for saying it.” 

Why I cried: Why did I cry? I cried because Buffy loved him as soon as their hand’s clasped. I cried because Spike didn’t believe her. I cried because they’d come so far just to lose each other. I cried because within this tragic moment, this made me happier than anything. I cried because it’s Spike and Buffy.

Spike dies

The episode: “Chosen”

My rating: 5/5

The moment: Spike sacrifices himself to save the world.

Why I cried: I was in denial that he was dead up until the end. I couldn’t believe it. Spike’s journey is the single most amazing thing ever to be shown, not just on Buffy, but anywhere. In his final moments, he gets to be a good man–a champion. Spike isn’t just a secondary character. He isn’t just someone Buffy had a relationship with. Spike became so important to the show and to its viewers that he got to save the world in the biggest, baddest final battle. And he didn’t just save the world, he saved himself. And he saved Buffy. He saved his world, and that was enough to give him peace in this final moment. 

“That’s my girl.”

The episode: “Chosen”

My rating: 2/5

The moment: Andrew tells Xander what happened with Anya, that she died saving his life. Xander bears a sad smile as he says, “That’s my girl.”

Why I cried: Xander didn’t get angry or cry or break down. He was just proud. And even with all the pain Xander and Anya caused each other, she never stopped being his girl.

“Spike.”

The episode: “Chosen”

My rating: 3/5

The moment: Buffy reunites with the gang, and Giles asks what caused the massive destruction left behind after the Hellmouth was destroyed. Buffy simply replies, “Spike.”

Why I cried: Spike deserved to be the last word said from Buffy’s mouth. And, much like Xander’s reaction to Anya’s death, Buffy looks to be a combination of sad and proud. So proud that Spike saved them all in the end, even if she had to lose him.

The End

The episode: “Chosen”

My rating: 4/5

The moment: Buffy looks on at the remains (or lack thereof) of Sunnydale, her home, destroyed. But, as the gang asks what they do now that the battle is over, Buffy smiles, excited for this end and for another beginning.

Why I cried: Because this is the end. It’s that feeling of punctuation, of finality. You reflect on all that has happened before this point and all it’s done for you. And then you realize that it’s over. But at the same time, you know that nothing ever really ends. 

Okay, I hope you enjoyed this depressingly wonderful post, and I hope I made you cry. Honestly, I do. In all seriousness, it’s everything about this show, not just its sad moments, that made me (and so many others) better than we were. I’ll always look to Buffy because, even in its tragedies, it makes me stronger.

Fandom train got me like
  • *choo choo*: Hello Everyone. All aboard the fandom train. Before we can begin our journey; please remember all the names in this handy dandy booklet to your right.
  • *while reading through the booklet*: You might want to forget all responsibilities while browsing for fanart in one of our many rail compartments.
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2

Warnings: NSFW

Gif source:  Here

Imagine being in a poly relationship with Daryl and Negan and after a rough day they work together to make you forget all the problems in the world with hot sex.

——— Request for anon ———

“Mmm,” you moan into Daryl’s kiss before pushing him back by your hand flat against his chest. His lips follow yours for a moment before he lets you break the kiss reluctantly.

“What?” Daryl asks, an annoyed edge to his tone as he frowns reflexively. As you curl your hips in order to move yourself against his clothed length, he groans, “Ya’ ain’t gonna’ be a tease now, are ya’?”

“No,” you giggle, already forgetting the problems of the day as you straddled his lap, “but Negan would be angry if we started before he got in here.”

“That I would be,” Negan begins, startling the both of you. You feel Daryl’s hands grip your thighs a little tighter as Negan moves into the room, shutting the door behind himself. Negan’s gloved hand smooths around your neck to tilt your head back just so slightly in order to make it more convenient for him to place a kiss on your lips, “Such a good girl, following my rules.”

Imagine Dean recognizing you from Casa Erotica

Word count: 936

request by: anon - Depending on what EP your on there was one where dean did the do with a pornstar from Casa Erotica and I thought it would be cool if the reader was a badass hunter (and deans favorite pornstar ;) ) from Casa Erotica and they somehow get teamed up to hunt together and he recognizes the reader and he’s like YO YOUR FROM CASA EROTICA. And the Reader says something along the lines of YEP! Hunter by Day, Pornstar by night. Ending in smut? Thanks babe!

warnings: smut smut smut

A/N: I was really not in the mood to write smut when I wrote this so it ended up being really bad, but here you go anyway aha. 

Keep reading

S/C Fic - A Moment

All my fics, including this one, can be found at A03, here:http://archiveofourown.org/users/WanderingSummerBreeze

A little Sunday lovin’. Inspired by…

Originally posted by jamiefraserfan

A Moment

It’s all about the moment. The moment you meet someone. The moment you realize, there’s something more here. The moment you allow yourself to really feel that. To acknowledge its existence. The moment a shy smile across the room is mirrored. The moment he takes his chance, or you take yours. Perhaps it’s over a drink in some pub, and he decides it’s his moment to seize. Or you’re lounging on a sofa together, giggling at the same TV show, and he just looks so damn innocent and so damn beautiful. His smile lingers on the screen longer than necessary and you know he’s thinking something absolutely absurd and juvenile and you know you are going to love every last syllable of it, when he tells you. And maybe you kiss him then, or touch his hand, and he turns to you, the smile dissipating, or perhaps just lowering from his face to his heart and you can practically see his chest swell with love. And you take that moment together.

I can’t quite recall when I decided to just let myself love him. To give over my heart completely. Care or worry, nervousness or fear be damned.

I’d like to think it was one moment. One subtle gesture, like pulling me close to his body, and softly touching my forehead with his lips, hauntingly staying a moment too long, that caused me to tumble over the proverbial edge and into his soul.

But, it was probably more simple than that. Less noticeable. Like driving down the same stretch of highway, day after day, the barren trees passing you by in a flash, as winter holds its grip on the world longer than desired. Then suddenly, on that same drive, that same monotonous routine you do each day, you look out your window, passed the fog of daily life and the never-ending grey road, and the trees are full bloom. Spring has sprung all around you, and you didn’t even notice.

Yes. I think that’s what love is. Seemingly slow moving, until one day, it’s just there.

All these moments, and I cannot pinpoint the one where I knew I was his forever. The moment he made me breakfast in the morning after spending his first night in my bed. In that moment, I knew I wanted to see him there each morning. Not necessarily cooking over my stove, but the idea of that particular fetish was not lost on me. But the moment he shifts his weight in the bed, usually dislodging the cat, who has become an admirer of his presence as well. But he sighs heavily, fighting and welcoming the new day with the same gusto, one never knows what his thoughts on the subject truly are.

The moment, I’ve learned, that his remembers where he is, and with whom he is with. I’ve seen him wake on his own, be it napping at work, or stopping by his flat as a surprise, and he’s drifted off to sleep. He’s different when he wakes with me. Not quite a smile, but a hint of one flashes across his face, as if he’s keeping some dirty little secret. Alone, he wakes with an absence across his face. It’s robotic. He’s trained his body to wake early, and those days, that’s all that is required of it. Never to be quite happy. Just…indifferent, I think.

But that moment he opens his eyes slowly, as if he cannot stand the site of me too quickly. Like looking at the sun, he once said. I’ve been called beautiful most of my life, yet when I hear it from him, it’s like no one has ever uttered the words before, in my presence. It’s as if I’ve been staring at a mirror, looking into myself, but never quite seeing. Until, that is, he places his hands on each side of my head, and leans in to whisper the endearment, a secret just for me, and as I watch his reflection in the mirror, suddenly my own reflection glows, and I can see what he sees. I am more beautiful in his eyes, than in any magazine that has printed my photo dressed in designer clothes and haute couture.

Then, there’s the moment he runs a waking finger down my face, before words are even spoken. Sometimes, that finger remains on my cheek. Sometimes, it rests a moment on my shoulder, before settling back on the bed, before him. Other times, it travels further down my body, dipping below the sheets, to trace my naked body, memorizing the new shape it has taken, like a blind man reading braille. Taking in the knowledge it has to give.

My skin reacts to his touch in a second. Less than. He’s like lightning bolts through my body, every hair, standing on end. The moment he pushes between my thighs, with that wandering digit, is the moment I know of pure and utter bliss. It isn’t the sex, or the making love, or the fucking. It’s the touch. Even though the very idea of his touch, makes my head dizzy, like I’ve been riding some twisting and turning ride at the amusement park.

It’s everything. The smell of his skin, the birds whistling their tune, the creaks of our old house, reminding me we have a home. His sighs of pleasure and excitement. The look across his face.

Sometimes his moments are written across his face. He’s deciding whether to please me solely, or take pleasure himself. He’s an open book, with the words splashed across his face like scripture.

The moment he enters me, I always do my best to keep my eyes open. It isn’t easy. The feeling so intense as his large cock pushes inside my small body. But I try. For what it’s worth, he often closes his eyes. The fight is strong in him as well, to keep them open, but he often fails. Succumbs to the moment, as it washes over his body. His senses.

Our lovemaking is never awkward. Even when it should be. Whether it was the first time, which sent mini explosions tumbling through my body for hours, or the funny sounds our bodies make in the heat of passion. Some moments take us by surprise and we laugh and giggle, like two school children that have planted a stink bomb. And sometimes it passes through us, over us, like a wisp of a feather, floating in the wind.

He tugs gently at my breast, my condition darkening my nipples to an old cabernet. He feeds off my body, drinks from me as if I had nourishment to give. I will, soon enough. It’s a fantasy, he says. For when we have our child, when she is born, he wants to take me in his mouth, soft and gentle, to wipe away the tenderness and ache, I was told I would have.

I long for this as well. For us, when that moment arrives, it will not be about dirtiness or perversion. It will be about love. Just another moment that will pass us by too quickly, so we must take advantage when we can. Another moment to experience something new our bodies have to give to one another.

The moment love turns to passion, and our movements begin to wear on the bed, I grip him tightly, pulling his body down, his hard chest pressing against my belly. He lifts off me slightly, remembering to not push into me too hard, as we both forget, in the moment, there’s someone between us now.

He floods my body, quicker than last night. The morning is always quick. I feel the stickiness coat my thighs as I refuse to let him part from my body. But someone objects, and I can feel the kick through his back. He falls to the side, his eyes aghast, as his hand flies to my belly. It’s the moment he’s finally felt her.

I smile, watching his face display the most beautiful reaction of wonderment and happiness, but there’s a sadness as well. He keeps his hand steady, awaiting another hard drive. But all is still, save our heavy breaths from early morning exertion.

We wait. And the moment is longer than most. He’s resolved to it not happening again, and leans in to my naked belly, kissing me softly, before resting his head atop me, his eyes cast downward to my belly. I curl my fingers in his hair and will our child to respond to her father. It takes another moment or two, and she acquiesces. The kick pushes his head up and he laughs in awe, before settling back down again. I feel a teardrop land on my stomach and my heart warms as moments of our love come splashing at me, like kids in pool.

It is said, if you’re not careful, that you can lose yourself in someone. But it was when I lost myself in him, that I found a different part of me. Something I had only dreamed of, late at night, before sleep takes you, and you imagine the books you read to be real. The men in them - strong, humble, sweet, funny, kind and funny – to be real. It seems he had been the keeper of secrets he didn’t know he possessed. Secrets that unlocked that dreamlike state my consciousness had been in, regarding men. I’ve had my share of bad ones. Ones I thought that were good. But every bone in my body and thought in my head and warmth of my soul, told me, he was real. He was my Peter Pan and I, his Wendy, and we would fly together on this incredible journey of life.

It’s a journey we were not meant to take alone. And in a few short months, a whole lot of brand new moments were going to cross our path. Some unwelcome, some with pomp and circumstance and a giant parade with Sam leading the way.

The earthquakes in my belly stop, and he crawls up my body, his leg crossing over my hip. His eyes close and I feel mine with a great weight as well. I smile, sleep pulling me in, as I know I will recall this moment, until my hair has gone grey and my body cannot hold me upright anymore.

With a clank of a leash, and a sniff of the air, we’re pulled awake, as our intruder reminds us, he needs a moment as well.

My Favorite GTOP Moments in 2015

JANUARY:

The year kicked off with the final concerts of BB ‘X’ JDT and this was one of my favorite moments from the January 17th concert in Osaka


FEBRUARY:

I think this is my favorite moment in 2015? Just the way Seunghyun caught Jiyong’s eyes and his bright smile afterwards *clutches heart*


MARCH:

Not a lot happened in March except the release of BIGBANG’s Welcoming Collection and well….


APRIL:

The most memorable thing that happened in April was Seunghyun making an IG account. And because of that we got this on April 20th

“Ah obha, it fits so well with the rain that’s falling now.”

Obha……Okay Jiyong ;)


MAY:

Oh god where to begin?! A lot of things happened in May 2015 but there 2 memorable moments for me:

1. The way Jiyong looked at Seunghyun during this Inkigayo performace. I don’t think I’ll forget this anytime soon.

2. HAPPY TOGETHER! THE ENTIRE EPISODE WAS OOZING WITH GTOP


JUNE:

There are also 2 moments in June that are unforgettable (at least to me)

1. Of course the cuddling on stage in WL2P stage on June 14th HK concert

2. The phone call during the Naver Starcast for ‘D’ album. Jiyong was so eager to call Seunghyun the entire time (even though he said he talked to him before the broadcast started) and when they finally called Seunghyun, he hogged the phone and barely let anyone else talk….

(sorry about the bad quality)

JULY:

1. Dinner in Singapore~

2. Photoshoot for GQ August issue

3. Seunghyun being excited about Zutter on IG

(captioned “SOON 0805″)

(captioned “쩔어”)

(thanks for reminding me of these Madi <3)


AUGUST:

SO MANY WONDERFUL THINGS HAPPENED IN AUGUST!

1. Let’s start at the beginning: The V live broadcast

2. ZUTTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

3. GTOP were seen in a club together!!!!

4. On Jiyong’s birthday, Seunghyun posted this

(captioned “Happy birthday GD.”)

5. GTOP lunch date after this AMAZING Zutter stage https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0oiQYnhYKIE (which also happened to be Chinese Valentines Day. Coincidence? I think not XD)

6. AND THE MOST AMAZING MOMENT IN AUGUST!!!!!

(originally captioned “hahaha #Lastnight!”)

SEPTEMBER:

Not a lot happened in the beginning of the month since they were taking a much needed break at the time and also busy doing individual V app…things. BUT still things happened

1. Jiyong posted videos of Seunghyun on IG on September 10th and 11th

A video posted by G-DRAGON (@xxxibgdrgn) on Sep 10, 2015 at 6:02am PDT

(captioned “Playing with grandpa TOP”)

A video posted by G-DRAGON (@xxxibgdrgn) on Sep 11, 2015 at 4:43am PDT

(captioned “Playing with grandpa TOP again feat. Maknae line”)

2. September 27th afterparty in Taiwan

OCTOBER:

1. October kicked off with GTOP when Jiyong posted this video

A video posted by G-DRAGON (@xxxibgdrgn) on Oct 1, 2015 at 7:29pm PDT

(captioned “Came back to the hotel and our oldest hyung is doing this”)

2. Seunghyun went out with Jiyong and the gang (I think this was in NYC)

3. They were seen in a club in Sydney


NOVEMBER:

1. On Seunghyun’s bitrthday Jiyong posted this

(captioned “Happy TOP’s Day *heart and cake emojis*)

2. The Melon Music Awards


DECEMBER:

December was pretty much eventless with the exception of MAMA


These are only a few of the moments…..it was turning into a very long post so I stopped myself.

(all pics credits to the owners - all gifs are mine)