*internally* I'm just a normal high school girl. I suck at math. I hate my parents. When someone asks me about my opinion on complex socioeconomic issues, I just go "What the heck!?" and start "texting" or something like that. My life would be just like yours, except for one thing: I have an amazing power... I can talk to cetaceans!
*at the docks, a bell tolls as our normal protagonist hears the voices of cetaceans bubbling in her mind*
*staring deeply into the ocean*
Ahoy! What're you doing?
Just staring into the oceanic abyss, thinking about how much I hate my parents. *internally* I have to keep my ability to speak to cetaceans secret or else... uh...
Haha, I feel that, friend. What a colorful life we teens live, our seaside environment awakening a rumbling darkness within ourselves of which we mull on our own with nothing but the unbounding depths of the ocean as our one escape. An escape which serves to only maim our fragile egos with newfound adolescent anxieties.
What are you even talking about?
I don't know. I haven't slept in a week. Let's go to the mall.
*at the mall*
*internally* My town might as well be called Lamesville. Nothing ever happens here, but the mall can be pretty fun. It's only place in the whole town with anything in it that isn't fish or excessive amounts of woodlice.
...So I'd just dance and I'd dance until my feet broke. When that happened, I'd just get up and dance on my broken feet. And I did this until they were raw and blood was everywhere. I kept waking up in the morning extremely exhausted after this dream. I decided to record myself one night and it turns out I was dancing in my sleep. I haven't slept since I saw that. *leans in close to the normal girl* I'm afraid of what I'll do in my sleep.
Wow, sounds weird... I guess. *sips coffee*
OMIGAWD! It's Chad Alphakid. He's coming this way!
*the normal girl and her best friend squee*
*externally* That's Chad Alphakid. Who is he? He's only the hottest most coolest boy in this entire lame city. I've been crushing on him since I was like twelve.
Did I just say that out loud!?
*sits at the table* Listen, I don't care what you or your friend think of me. I need help!
Have you murdered somebody?
Do you need a girlfriend?
No, it's the ocean. The sound of her waves crashing against the shore is like a faultless siren song. There isn't a single night where I don't have visions of floating within her cold embrace. The allure of her boundless depths beckon to me like a lover. I'm afraid that if I don't get help soon, I'll find myself taken away by her to a fate unknown.
*internally* Great, this is a chance to finally use my power to speak to cetaceans to my benefit! *externally* But why do you need us to help you?
You guys are the biggest fucking degenerate weirdos in this washed up town. If anyone knows how to deal with this, it's you two.
I'm not a weirdo! I'm a completely normal girl.
Dude, you fucking talk to fish.
You do talk to fish.
I don't talk to fish! *internally* I talk to cetaceans, they're mammals, not fish. Also, that's supposed to be a secret, dammit!
*at the shore*
Ah, Mother Ocean! Take me!! Take me!!! *attempts to run into the ocean, but gets held back by the normal girl and her best friend*
Simmer down, aqualad!
Why did you fools take me here, if not to release into the embrace of sweet Mother Ocean!?
We talked it over and we decided that the best way to get you over your obsession is make you hate the ocean.
Does it involve you talking to fish?
Yes, I mean no. I mean, fuck! Cetaceans aren't fish.
*the normal girl sits at the edge of shore, her eyes rolls up in her head as she proceeds to make fucked up porpoise sounds*
*falls over limp*
Does this mean that I'm free to wade into Mother Ocean and meet my fate among her ever chaotic waes?
*lets chad go* Yeah, dude. I'm too far gone to care about things anymore.
*strips off all of his clothes* Good. I now understand that there was no avoiding this. This was always a forgone conclusion. My fate is with the waves. Sayonara, weird best friend guy.
*runs into the ocean*
*kicks the normal girl's body* Guess she really is dead.
*walks home as the night encroaches* My closest friend is dead, and Chad is probably dead too. I wonder where my fate lies?
*yawns* Maybe I should go to sleep and just dance myself to death finally. No, I don't think I could go to sleep even if I wanted to anymore. I'm probably going to die from exhaustion in the next few days, not having felt rest or comfort again. Or maybe I'll just stay awake forever. I feel like I was supposed to have an epiphany here, or some type of awakening. But, there's nothing. I feel like everything I've ever done has been pointless. God, I'm just really tired.
*back at the shore*
*a gray fleshy version of the normal girl crawls halfway out of the porpoises mouth*
There goes my corpse! *drags her weird porpoise body towards the corpse* Why did I die with such a dumb expression on my face? Lame! I hope Chad didn't see.
*looks around with beady eyes* No one's here. I can finally do this.
*kisses her dead body on the lips* Blargh!
*spits out blood* I bit my tongue when I died. Gross. I guess I can cross making out with my dead body and becoming a mermaid off of my bucket list, though.
I DIDN’T SKIPPED TYRA, Y’ALL. THEY DIDN’T INCLUDED HER IN THE VIDEO, I AGREE, SHE’S KINDA MEAN AS A PERSON, BUT I LIKED HER ON SEASON 2. Chad didn’t have a close up neither, but yeah, you shady bitches blaming on me, lmao.
“Heyyyyy, dis is probably a baaaaaad idea huh! It’s JOJIIIIVLOGS
Hahaa, I really shouldn’t be calling you but hey you didn’t pick up again but welp this is my drunk voicemaillll and I am feeling great hehe! It’s really cold here I mean I didn’t choose to be OUT here. Can you keep a secret, I’ I- I’m sat in a gutter because…haha, I got kicked out your baarrr!~ Some stupid stupid guy he, he kept touching me and I…I punched him, him right in the faaaaaace. He told me in his big bad voice like this : siiiirrr you must leave you, hah, you can’t smoke in here and that he was told I can’t see you.
And I, oh _____ you should’ve seen me I was like noooo siiirrrr. So-so he, hehe, he, sorry oh my, he grabbed my ciggie and I was really REALLY fucking angry so I hit him! Isn’t that just…just GREAT.
Anyways, I…I didn’t know why I rangz you but I mean hey I have no one else anymore. Ian, Max, Chad- they all left! Poof! Out of MY life and man, oh boy oh boy do IIIII LOOOVE LIFE! Why won’t they let me see youuu, I wanna seeeeee youuuuu, no one will let me see you not not Ian or Max not Chad either I… I need to see youuuu. They just poofed out of my life just like you did…because of me.
I think I’m okay I mean this drink makes me feel good so I drink it a lot like…everyday I think. I should’ve told you i shou-I…I miss you, I mean I I’m not trying to get us together I think but I just, I think you should should know I miss you and it hurts a lot and i’m trying sooooo hard and everytime I think I’ve found the one…she’s not! She’s not the one _____! I look at her and she’s not you so she’s not the one- because, that’s you! You you you you youuuuuu….you the one that …that’ s you!
I miss your face a lot and your little giggles and smiles and all the fucking sunshine you gave me! I miss your face and your eyes the little sparkle because that’s you you’re my little sparkle…well you were you lit me up hehe!
I should’ve told you I was so FUCKING STUPID haha! I- you you were the bestest thing that had ever happened to meee and it’s so silly because you’re not mine anymore and you you don’t wanna be I…I misses that.
I should’ve told you because you were the bestest thing in mah life and you were so perfect and stupid me so fucking stupid stupid- let you go and everyone else saw how dumb I was except for meeee!
Can…can I call you my princess…just one more time please? Please please please! I- oh my princess, you are so prreccious and golden and I miss youuuuuuu.
Pleasez, answer my calls just once I, I don’t wanna be alone again princess, take careee prinncesssss! Take care.
You can’t convince me that Carlos and Doug wouldn’t be best friends (despite their little interaction in the movie). Think about it, Carlos recites the periodic table to himself when he’s nervous and it’s pretty obvious that Doug is also a giant nerd. So what I’m getting at here is, dorky bffs that like to talk about science and their jock boyfriends
All freshmen year, you try to change your name. No 18 year old boy wants to be known as “Baby Chad” during your years of college. Particularly when you never seem to be far from a teammate and you are constantly introduced to girls as Baby Chad.
You try everything. You tell them that “Chad R2″ has a nice ring to it. Or that your middle name is Travis and you wouldn’t mind going by that. Or, fuck, you’d be cool with just “Freshie” for the first year. Chad R is graduating next year. You could put up with it for a year.
It doesn’t work. You are Baby Chad. And, honestly, the more you protest, the more Chad S seems to delight in calling you Baby Chad.
Sophomore Year, you remain Baby Chad. Even though the original Chad R left. Chad S and P and T are still there and you think that if you don’t say anything, maybe it will fade out (protesting hadn’t done a whole lot of good last year) but it doesn’t. Even the fucking freshmen call you Baby Chad.
You roll your eyes but accept it. It’s not that bad a name. And, if you’re being honest, you’ve gotten used to it. You don’t even really think about it anymore. Junior year, you don’t even think about trying to get it changed.
Now, it’s senior year. Or, it’s almost senior year. Actually it’s before the semester actually starts– only the sports teams are here to start practice early and therefore, the cafeteria is pretty empty.
It’s why you can see him, even though, as has become tradition, the lax team and the hockey team sit at opposite ends of the cafeteria. With the football team to act as a buffer in the middle.
Whisk had been your first friend at Samwell. You’d lived in the same dorm and you’d offered to help carry his boxes in since there was nothing better to do and you didn’t know yet that he was on the hockey team and you were supposed to hate each other. He was quiet and shy and only had four boxes, none of which contained any food, so it was natural to offer him a bag of chips when you finished and–
He was cool. Calmer than the guys on your team. Smart and sharp with a sense of humor that when unleashed was a force to be reckoned with.
The beginning of your freshmen year was coordinating to take the same classes so he could help you through them and laughing over television shows and youtube videos and complaining (mostly) good-naturedly about your respective teams and sharing your food and care packages from home because Whisk never seemed to get any and had just helped you actually pass your math class.
Even after you two learned you were supposed to hate each other, you didn’t. Whisk kept coming around to hang out and the other lax bros accepted him in a mostly-dismissive way that said as long as he didn’t rock the boat or try to defend his teammates, he was chill.
In the beginning, that’s what it had been.
But, it couldn’t last.
Maybe a part of you had always known that. It didn’t stop you from trying.
- Him making a surprise vid to propose to you with all his friends
- Tummy kisses
- Him singing you to sleep when your sick or on your period
- Arguing over who has to do the dishes
- Hearing him in the next room over recording
- Playing with each others hair
- Traveling together
- Being really nervous to meet Ian, Max and Chad bc they mean so much to him
- Him walking around the house with no shirt on
- Bathing together
- Back hugs
- Shopping for videos
- “What the fuck is all this getting used for???”
- “You’ll see”
- Him teaching you Japanese so he can talk freely around you
- Begrudgingly cleaning up after vids
- Sharing music
- Gently love making but also really rough sex when he’s in the mood
- Going on walks, especially when its raining
•INFPs are trash and are the human equivalent to gas station sushi. Have fun being the literal worst. Scrub.
•INFPs are pure and holy beings we should all love and cherish in our lives uwu. Protect them no matter the cost. *so unique, so special*
•INFPs are great in theory, but don’t mess around with them irl fam because they could probably steal your kidneys without you noticing.
•INFPs are who they are. Just chill y'all.
•INFPs are all art hoes. No two ways around it. Literally nothing else to their personality.
•Every INFP in existence is the kind of person who will cheat on you multiple times claiming each time they’ve changed but then dumps you for their side hoe because apparently I ‘don’t understand them’. What does that even mean Lisa???? Then just stagnates with their dumb new boyfriend Chad Chaddington because his personality is about as interesting as wet toilet paper. INFPs are the scum of the earth!1!!1!!!1!!! ((Give me another chance plz come back I lov u.))