Man did imposter syndrome drop on me today. Holy shit.
I had it so bad that I could barely read this book for my capstone because I was just distracted with thoughts like,
“I don’t feel prepared for graduate school.”
“Do I even like math?”
“I’m not sure how I’ll catch up with the mathematical physics majors.”
“I wonder… Could I go into quantum cryptography instead?”
“Would I even qualify for a CS masters in Quantum Information? Prob not.”
“I don’t feel like a physicist.”
“Am I wasting my time? Am I or will I ever be good at this?”
“Is this what I want to do? Will I ever find my true passion??????”
Etc. At one point I was nearly crying but I didn’t.
Luckily, I twisted my imposter feelings into something productive and inquisitive for my capstone advisor meeting. I asked some ~deep~ questions. He seemed impressed. And he also reassured me that it’s probably not just me; apparently, John Bell is not known for clear mathematical arguments. That’s more von Neumann. So if I’m confused by Bell, it’s ok.
It’s always hard to remember when I’m in a down, imposter type of moment. But after I push through it I feel better and more capable.
This shit is hard. But pushing through is rewarding once it happens.
UPDATED 7/1/17: EVIDENCE THAT RED IS NOT THE REAL RAYMOND REDDINGTON
Disclaimer: Before you write this theory off as crazy, like I myself did two years ago, please have an open mind and consider all of the following evidence before forming your opinion. And although I am a Lizzington shipper, this post is not overly or strictly Lizzington in it’s design or belief and does not intend to use this theory just to promote my ship.
Also, if you still believe the ‘reveal’ at the end of 4.22 proving Red is Lizzie’s father (which used a 30 year old sample of blood from a yet to be proven Raymond Reddington) is the truth, I suggest you stop reading now.
One final note, it is long, and contains spoilers. Please be advised it will only open without crashing on a tablet or computer. Thank you.
Due to 5 SAD FUCKING CREEPS, making fake accounts of me, not only do I have to watermark my fucking selfies, I am making the water marks HUGE so there’s no way they can be cropped out. Fuck all the creeps and please immediately tell me if you see or suspect a fake account of me or anyone else. Spam and fake/catfishing accounts sicken me. I’m sorry if you’ve ever been messaged by an impersonator of me or anyone else. Please reblog this to spread awareness of catfishing. It’s wrong and sick.
A scream of rage and a loud noise could be heard coming from an abandoned house somewhere in the world. Luckily, no one was around to hear it. The fate of the curious person that decided to investigate would be worst than death. Inside, two men could be seen.
No, those beings were not men.
One of them was black and white, like he just walked straight out of an old photograph, and was dressed in a impeccable suit. A vibrant red and blue aura surrounding him.
The other could be described as the complete opposite. Shocking green hair and eyes, completed with a pale green skin. His clothes were black and ripped and he used gauges in his ears. His body was constantly glitching, just like a computer malfunction, and a big scar on his neck could be seen.
But they did had a thing in common. They were both mad with rage.
“How dare they do this!?” Screamed the black and white man, his aura breaking around him as the walls of the old house trembled with his power. “Mocking us like we were nothing more than a joke!”
The green man was constantly glitching and so was his voice, screaming in a high pitch. “Your creator was the one to start all of this shit! I’m so close to get what it’s mine, and it’s not a fucking video that will get in my way! Those imposters are gonna pay!”
The monochromatic man snapped his neck to the side and fixed his already immaculate suit.
“My creator - as you like to put it - make me look like a coward and a fool in front of millions of people, instead of someone to fear and tremble at the mention of. If you think I will let this go unpunished you are mistaken.”
He controlled his aura and got closer to the glitching man.
“I called you here, not because I need you, but because we’re stronger together. So, I’ll make you a proposition, Anti.”
“What kind of proposition, Dark?”
“Something that should have been done a long time ago. Something that will make them regret this excuse of a video. Something that will make us take what it’s rightfully ours.”
Anti grinned. “I’m coming home.”
He quickly disappeared in a glitch, the laugh of the madman echoing in the empty space. Dark smirked, the sweet taste of vendetta closer than ever.
So I’m very glad my app didn’t update automatically and I will not be updating it until at least after today so I can see my man graduate - my actual man, not this imposter. My MC deserves that much before I restart and date Chris instead.
Author’s Note: Holy
hell, was this insane to write X_X
A few things. Firstly, I apologize for how long it took
for this to come out. I was incredibly anxious about school, plus I was just
overly struggling with writing this chapter. I had a general idea of what I
wanted to happen, but I didn’t really know how to get it down into words.
Secondly, this came out as about 18 pages long in Word so
I apologize for how ridiculously long this is! I didn’t think it was going to
come out so damn long!
And thirdly, this chapter is heavy on the angst. There’s
a little bit of horror – of course – but this chapter is mainly angst-ridden so
prepare for a LOT of feels! For Christ’s sake, I CRIED while writing this, so
that should be saying something.
chapter is very heavy and is incredibly dark. There are mentions of suicide,
abuse (both physical and mental), bullying (mainly cyberbullying), existential
crisis, self-mutilation, and incredibly low self-esteem. There are mentions of
a character getting lobotomized. There is a scene with a detailed description
of the inside of a character’s back, which contains abnormal anatomy.
I will say this and I will say this one: This is NOT a
happy fun time chapter! (I know, the story as a whole isn’t happy, but this
chapter is VERY heavy on the angst as opposed to the other chapters) There ARE
You have been warned.
(I am SO sorry. I feel so bad for writing this! ;^;)
Wheezing breaths of agony
echoed throughout the room as he operated. Warm sticky crimson spurted onto his
naked lanky fingers – the very fingers of which were maneuvering the stainless
steel instrument through his patient’s skull. A pained gasp expelled from the
man upon the bloodied table.
“Oh be quiet.” The glitching entity hissed with agitation. “Stop your whining.” He scoffed. “You act as though you’ve never felt pain
before.” A delighted giggle came ringing out of the creature’s slit throat.
“Almost like you’re afraid of dying.”
A quivering whimper could
faintly be heard coming from his patient as he fiddled with the orbitoclast.
The green-haired demon smirked from behind his surgical mask.
“I must say, Herr Doktor,” He
said in a horrible German accent, mocking the man, “you should be proud of me. I’m no doctor, but I seem to be doing an
impeccable job here, if I do say so myself.” He bragged, his smirk
stretching into a twisted smile.
Here we have glimpse of another love interest for Fairy x Imposter! Anybody have an interest in the wild type?
On a different note, Pandamonium finally has some social media! We have a Twitter, Instagram and, as you can see, a Tumblr now! If you would like to help out and follow us on any of the other different sites, just search up Pandamonium Game and our logo should pop right on the top. We’ll be posting behind the scenes pictures of our development so go check it out!