- my mug– wasn’t feeling the face this am. Very quiet this morning. It was nice.
- with the rain I’ve found little piles of these all over my yard. I know when we were little we said that they were ant houses. Don’t know if that was true or not. There were a few ants scurrying around– so maybe.
- I love the rain. But I hate mosquitoes. It’s one thing to bite me outside. But to follow me inside 😡
- many sales are happening at the mall this week. Which means my daughter wants to go. I’m working on the want to take her.
i went to the mall with my mom today for a mother-daughter day out after my school test and we went to hot topic. i regret not getting them now, but there were two rings on necklaces paired together that represented dean and sam.
they looked like male wedding rings, one was gold and the other was silver. The gold one said “bitch” and the silver one said “jerk” and they were both different sizes. i was like thinking in my head “are those wedding rings?? did dean and sam get married when i wasn’t looking?”
i wish i had gotten them tbh, but i’ll have to wait until next time.
i wish i could have taken a picture too so i could see what those destihellers thought because there wasn’t a single thing with asstiel on it at my hot topic xD
Looks like we need mom here to show daddy how it's done.
I decided to give my wife a break and take my almost two year old out for the day. I had some things to return to the mall, so we went there first. As we drive into the parking lot, I can already tell it’s going to be a good day. The coveted front row spot was waiting for us. My daughter is in a great mood. I’m in a great mood. Life is awesome. We bought stuff, rode the carousel, rode 50 cent rides, Disney store, Build a Bear, we had a near perfect day… until we left.
Walked out of the mall and got to the minivan. I put my daughter in her carseat and proceeded to unload our loot into the back of the van. During this time, a car with a 45+ lady is waiting for my front row spot. I can feel her tapping her foot in her car. I start to fold up the stroller and forgot to unpack the little things (hairbow, snacks, random things) from the holder on the stroller handle. I stop to take out that stuff and put it in the van when I hear the lady say from her car to me, “Looks like we need mom here to show daddy how it’s done!” I can tell she’s trying to be funny, but this pissed me off. I give her a fake smile and go about my business.
This lady doesn’t know me. She doesn’t know if I’m divorced or a widower or anything. People make comments like this all the time to dads out spending time with their kids and it gets under my skin.
So, I slowly pack the rest of the stuff, go around to the side door and get my daughter out of her seat. I start to walk back to the mall right beside this lady’s car. I look at her like I’m surprised and say, “Oh I’m sorry! Were you waiting on MY spot? We’re just dropping off some stuff in the van.” I can see that she’s perturbed. I finish it with a “Happy New Year!” She speeds off and I watch her from the front door of the mall. She has to park towards the back of the parking lot. I walk right back to the van, pack the kid, and drive away. I guess daddy showed her how it’s done.
Today, my young daughter and I stopped at the mall and decided to get a mini Cinnabon roll on our way out.
Behind us in line were three women, two probably in their forties like me, and one much older and in a wheelchair. All three of the women were also wearing the hijab.
When their turn came at the cash register, I asked if they would allow me to pay for their order, if they didn’t mind.
Within seconds, the two ladies my age hugged me and had tears in their eyes. They introduced me to their mother, and when they leaned down and explained to her what was happening, she began to cry and say thank you.
I thanked them for allowing me to do something, even something small. They said they would pray for me and for my daughter and would never forget me.
I was speechless for a moment. I thanked them, hugged them again, said I didn’t want to take up their time, and wished happiness for them and for their family.
The point of this post is that the atmosphere must have gotten so hostile in this country, so fraught, that even something as tiny and effortless as a stranger buying some cinnamon rolls could move these well-dressed, mature, intelligent ladies to tears.
It is utterly humbling for me. There is so much more we should be doing whenever we can.
So my girlfriend took my daughter to the mall for some girly back to school stuff. Instead of torturing me with that, she sent me off on my own. Which was good because I had a couple of errands to run.
Errand # 1 was the Cascade Barrel House. I tried 4 samples. My favorite was the Sang Royal. An sour ale aged in wine barrels (Pinot Noir and Cabernet Sauvignon). I sipped on that taster for a long time, it seemed a crime to let it end.
Errand #2 was The Commons Brewery. Again I had a taster tray of 4. They specialize in farmhouse ales. What was really nice about their tasting room was that it is right amongst their brewing equipment. I found it interesting looking at their notes. You can see a couple yeast starters in one of the pictures above too.
“You got something you need to tell me?” Chris yelled sounding vexed and snatching of his hood.
“Excuse me?” I said to him as I stood there looking at him in complete confusion..
“You heard what the fuck I said, You got something you need to tell me Jhene?!” He repeated.
“I don’t know, you tell me since you wanna barge in my house and drag me about like you lost your damn mind Chris!”
"So you haven’t got anything you need to tell me Jhene? You ain’t been keeping any shit away from me huh?” He spoke rhetorically. Seriously what was this guy on about right now? What could I possibly need to tell him that he didn’t know?
“Yo I’m really confused right now Chris so you either say what you gotta say or leave!“
"So do you wanna tell me why Jennifer got a lot of shit to say about your ass keeping shit away from me?” He asked
I paused for a second.
What the fuck did that girl have to do with me? And furthermore why was she even mentioning my name in the first place, I didn’t fuck with her for her to know anything about me or what I was doing so if I was keeping something away from Chris how the hell would she know?
"Jennifer has a lot to tell you Chris? Seriously what the fuck are you even talking about right now!” I raised my voice, see now I was becoming frustrated.
"Aight, since you wanna play dumb, you remember that nigga Ricky from school right?”
I thought about it for a second. “..yeah? what about him?”
“Well she’s been fucking him and according to her your ass knew about it this whole time! She said you found out cause you seen him one day and my daughter knew who he was” he shouted at me.
“Wait…Hold on. What the hell does this even have to do with me Chris! I don’t know nor do I CARE about who that woman’s fucking!”
“So you didn’t know she’s been dealing with dude?!” His tone was patronising.
“How the fuck would I know that! I don’t fuck with that bitch to know who she’s spreading her legs for!”
“So you didn’t see ol’dude at the mall with Jeniece nah? He didn’t approach y’all and talk to my daughter on some familiar shit Jhene?!”
“No-” I stopped in mid sentence. I did remember seeing Ricky at the mall when I was with Jeneice, but that was literally months ago! Honestly that shit completely slipped my mind. I’d been going through so much bullshit these past couple months that Him and Jennifer was the last shit I was thinking of! “I do remember seeing him at the mall but I forgot about it!”
"You tryna protect that bitch or something?” Chris suddenly asked throwing me completely off.
“Protect her?! What the hell do I need to protect her for? I don’t give a fuck about her!”
“So why the FUCK you ain’t tell me then?!” he yelled hovering over me.
“I said I forgot and you better back the fuck up off me yo!” I shouted pushing him back. He was wylin if he thought he could just come in my house and act a fool like this, especially over Jennifer! Not in my house.
“And furthermore CHRISTOPHER I tried to tell you on the day that I saw him and you was the one who told me not to tell you anything if it was bad about her remember! So how the fuck am I to blame for this?!”
“You don’t think that you telling me my girl is fucking a nigga I don’t fuck with behind my back is important Jhene?! She’s fucking that nigga and bringing him around my child and you don’t think I should know about that, are you stupid?!” he shouted.
I heard what he said, but I was just stuck on the ‘my girl’ part. Now all of a sudden he wanted to be claiming her as his girl when all this time before he did anything but admit she was still his girlfriend. He was so full of shit! I looked at him in disgust because I couldn’t believe this was the nigga who had me tripping so hard over him!
“So can’t you speak now Jhene?!” He kept yelling at me and I was beginning to lose patients with it. I closed my eyes and calmly breathed in and the out to control myself. He was yelling at me over something I had no control, nor did I have anything go do with. I couldn’t control who Jen opened her legs for or why she did what she did. That had NOTHING to do with me so I really didn’t understand why I was on the receiving end of his wrath.
“Yo on some real ass shit Chris, your gonna stop fucking yelling at me” I humbly warned him. "It is not my fault, that your 'Girl’s’ a hoe, who fucks other nigga’s, whilst she’s in a relationship with you.”
"I know you ain’t talking like your ass is any different from her” he said
“Excuse me?”my brow raised.
“I mean didn’t you just have a man Jhene? Wasn’t I fucking you whilst you were in a relationship with that nigga?” He spoke rhetorically
“Your the same bitch I fucked whilst your nigga was downstairs in the same crib as us! If that nigga didn’t beat your ass you would’ve still been doing that sneaky ass shit behind his back so if she’s a hoe, you damn sure just as bad as her!” He yelled at me
Wow. So That’s how he really felt?
“Wow. So that’s how you feel?”my voice wavered. He stared at me with cold eyes and shrugged not caring.
“So your gonna just stand here and diss me like that because of her Chris? After everything? You’re acting like you ain’t the main reason any of this shit between us even happened. If you’re gonna talk about how much of a hoe I am for messing with you, then talk about how desperate and pathetic you were for not leaving me alone until I gave into you. Talk about how that same day I fucked you when my man was there YOUR girlfriend was downstairs also, also mention how you followed ME upstairs into that bathroom and locked ME in there with you. Talk about How you been sweating ME all this time and begging for me to take you back WHILST YOU HAD A GIRL CHRIS!, talk about all that! Talk about how you blow up my phone 24/7 and show up at my door in the middle of the night pleading for me to just talk to you!Your desperate and pathetic and maybe if you hadn’t been so caught up in your EX and what she’s doing, your bitch wouldn’t have gone out and fucked another nigga instead of you! So if I’m wrong then your dead ass wrong too! I can’t even believe you can fix your lips to even try and blame me for whatever Jen has done to you, I ain’t got shit to do with whatever the fuck you and her got going on, that’s on y’all! Your corny and whack as fuck for this Chris!” I yelled at him with tears filling the brim of my eyes I said as my voice started to crack from the tears that had fallen.
“Whatever I don’t give a fuck about what you gotta say about it, I might be desperate and pathetic for thinking I wanted your ass back but throughout it all you stuck around just waiting on the side for a nigga to choose you so whose the real desperate one here Jhene? You knew I had a girl and you still stuck around!”
“Seriously why are you treating me like this?” I asked crying.
“Because we just fucking that’s all! so imma treat you like a hoe that I’m ‘just fucking. Since according to you, I’m only good for dicking you down, that’s exactly how I’m gonna treat your ass!”
“What are you even talking about?” I yelled at him
“Isn’t that what you said to me Jhene? That its just sex that we having? So what the fuck I look like caring about your feelings anymore? I don’t give a fuck. If all I am to you is some dick, well fuck you then”
“That’s not even what I said!” I sniffed
“Yeah well that’s what you implied so that’s how I’m taking it” he retorted, then somebody knocked on the door interrupting us.
“Nae… you good in there?” I heard Tiki ask from the other side.
"She’s fine!” Chris took it upon his self to answer for me. I cut my eyes in disgust at him and then barged past him as I went over to unlock the door
“Yeah girl I’m fine don’t worry about it” I told her with the door cracked open. Tiki looked at me suspiciously and then looked over at Chris who was now pacing back and fourth the room vexed.
“Your crying Jhene…” she said as she eyed me.
“Didn’t she just say she’s fine? Man get yo nosey ass the fuck on!” Chris suddenly snapped rudely at her. Tiki glanced briefly at me and then with quickness she pushed open the door pushing me aside with it
“Nigga who the fuck was talking to you? Do you look like your names Jhene?” she yelled walking in.
“Tikira!” I tried to stop her but she snatched away from me.
“Man get the fuck outta here. Always tryna be involved with her shit just take your ass on somewhere!” Chris mumbled
“Yeah so what she’s my best friend and you the same bum ass nigga who always got her up in here crying over you! So imma be involved and what! fuck you gonna do about it?” she challenged him.
“Tikira please just leave it okay I’m fine!” I tried to calm her down, I knew Tiki’s temper and I knew Chris temper also, so both of them going at each other wouldn’t end pretty at all. They both had no filter and both could get crazy in a second and once again I would be the one in the middle because
“No Jhene fuck that nigga yo, who the fuck does he think he’s talking to like that?!”
“Bitch I’m talking to you” he replied “Why the fuck you don’t mind your damn business, it’s always you putting your fucking input in shit that ain’t got nothing to do with you, always the one talking in her ears! You got your own man worry about the bitches he might be fucking and take your ass outta mine and her relationship!!” Chris spoke to her with so much with so much disrespect I honestly couldn’t understand what had gotten into him or why he was behaving this way! This was not the Chris I knew, this nigga was on something because he was trippin’ like hell right now!
“Oh hell no you’re too disrespectful, you got to go!” I turned and said to him. It was one thing him disrespecting me but Tikira? Nah we weren’t playing that.
“Who gotta go?” Chris asked me sounding shocked.
"You got to go! Get the fuck out of my house Chris!”
“Ahh yeah, here you go now! Follow the fucking leader!” Chris said just as he noticed Alana, Tae and Kyra coming to see what was going on “You gotta drop these hoes as your friends! That’s your problem, you always listening to what these basic ass bitches telling you what the fuck to do in your own relationships, you can’t ever think for yourself your a grown ass woman still running behind your best friend like some little ass kid! When the fuck you finna grow up Jhene?!”
“GET THE FUCK OUT, GO! YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANT NOW SO JUST LEAVE!” I screamed pushing him towards the door.
“Guys what the fucks going on?” Kyra yelled at us
“Kyra get him out of here before I hurt him!” I cried
“Don’t worry imma leave, I’ll be glad to!” Chris said as he snatched away from me “it’s about time I got you the fuck up out my life anyway. I ain’t been nothing but caught up since I met you!”
“Chris!” Kyra yelled at him
“What? You think I give a fuck anymore half the shit I’m going through I would’ve never gone through if I hadn’t of met her ass anyway! I don’t know why she even came back here she should’ve stayed her ass in New York!” He replied as if I wasn’t standing right there listening. Now I was to blame for everything he was going through? I hadn’t done anything but ride for him since I met him,, despite the bullshit he put me through I was still always there for him, even when it meant putting myself in the crossfire to get hurt and now all of a sudden I was the reason his life was a fucked up mess and I should’ve never came back?
“I hate you so much right now” I quietly whispered as my voice cracked.
“Yeah, you hate me? Well I hate your ass too. I’m glad we’ve finally come to mutual feelings” He spoke coldly, with no care or consideration at all.
In that moment I never knew it was possible to physically feel my heart break the way that it did when I heard him say that to me. After everything we’d been through right now was the first time I actually felt shattered. Completely shattered.
"From now on Make sure you keep your fucking lying hoe ass away from me” he warned before he barged past me and walked out slamming the front door behind him. For a moment I just stood there in a trance not believing what just really happened, my heart was plummeting into my chest and I could feel tears in my eyes and that lump in the back of my throat just burning to be released. Reality took a second to set in before everyone rushed over to me asking me if I was okay and what not but at this moment there was nothing I could say. I was hurting
and embarrassed and I really just wanted to be left alone so I walked away not saying anything to anyone and went into the bathroom where I just let it all go and broke down in nothing but tears.
Just like that another chapter closed. . And as I sat crying on that bathroom floor I vowed to myself that from this day forward I would never ever, ever allow that man back into my life, not ever!
Life has a funny way of being nothing like you’d ever expect it to be. Sure, you’re told this growing up, but you fool yourself into thinking you’ll be an exception. I know I did. Never had I imagined myself to be 22 years old, sitting near the kid’s playground at the mall alone, keeping an eye on my daughter as she played with other kids. To be honest, I never really envisioned myself having kids, because I never thought I’d be good at the whole mom thing. Believe it or not, though it was bumpy at first, I’m pretty damn good at it. It still took my life in a direction I never thought I’d be heading. Didn’t even get to go to the college of my dreams for more than a year. It seemed like by the time I actually got there, I realized I was pregnant… and alone. From that point on, life got pretty fucking confusing. But now, it was solid. Sure, I was alone, but I had Arabella. That’s all I really needed nowadays, anyways. I kept my eye on her as she ran around carelessly in her dress and tiny white converse, the pony tail buns I put in her hair slowly falling out. All I could do was smile to myself.