the make shift

Jacob x reader

Warnings: Swearing, kind of smut? flirting and suggestive-ness lmao 

Request: “I love your writing so much! Can we have some Jacob imagines?? I love everything Jacob, something with fluff maybe NSFW?? Like alternate new moon ending?? Thank you!!”

-Sorry this is only short, I’m going to do a alternate new moon ending with Jacob in a separate imagine

Keep reading

My name is [redacted] I work for Ididian Containment as a low level security officer. To pass the time I’ve been making these journals during shifts, little sketches of what I see here every night.

If you are reading this, something has happened to me…

And you are in grave danger.

Journal 19

Still pretty slow and quite down here, had a lot of paperwork to do today and its taking forever. So I decided to sketch Contained #1893. Apparently not much is known about this one; or rather the information is above my paid grade. What little I was able to find out is that Contained#1893 is to be kept in total darkness; it is fed a pig every 3 days through a small opening in the north side of the cell. During which time the pig is, and this is a bit graphic, it is [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] at which point it is then [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted]  so that [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] at which point [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] .

 

Yea, I’ll just skip my lunch today and continue on these reports…

Couldn’t attend the nearest Women’s March the other day and I’ll forever mourn my own loss but that only means more purpose for me to draw my faves obviously having been there. In this case, these cuties were travelling their way from their barnz to the city lyfe to march alongside. Country folk getting lost/explorin’ city vibe much??

A quick lil’ shoutout to Thomas @thatsthat24 for creating such a beautiful phrase that’s on Peri’s shirt that will be featured in another piece soon because what a godsend of a phrase. 

Healing is a choice. It is not an easy one because it takes work to turn around your habits. But keep making the choice and shifts will happen.
—  Yehuda Berg
Day Fifty-Seven

-I was thoroughly underwhelmed and relieved by the amount of customers we had last night when we opened the doors. Unfortunately, the real Black Friday shoppers apparently decided to wait until today to come in en masse, and it was more terrifying than I had ever imagined. Thankfully this did not stop Cat Lady from coming in four separate times during my shift without making a single purchase.

-A woman attempted to specify to me which items she wanted a gift receipt for. I would ask, “All of it?” She would reply, “No, just these,” gesturing to everything. This cycle went on for an entire minute at which point we finally reached the understanding that she did in fact want a gift receipt for everything.

-A gaggle of elderly guests shouted from a location I could not determine, repeating, “Excuse me. Excuse me.” in what was simultaneously a whisper and a shout. While it may be later than they would have hoped, I would now like to formally excuse them from all that they could have been asking for.

-Far too many people have come through the store treating Black Friday as a sport, seeing who can sacrifice the most manners to attain the most savings. The winner is whoever spends the least money while purchasing the most stuff. The loser, their cashiers.

-An older woman purchased $150 of Pokemon cards, but at no point did she mention any gift receipts or anything about presents at all. I hope this means that she is working her way towards being the best that there ever was and establishing that Pokemon trainers can, in fact, age past ten years.

-A woman in her sixties purchased Cards Against Humanity along with several expansions. Whether she is entirely unaware of what the game holds in store for her or entirely aware of what is to come, I want nothing more out of my life than to be the Czar.

-The only genuine winners of Black Friday are the two amazingly polite dads who came through with their toddlers in hand, boasting to each other of how much they saved on their kitchen appliances.

-I watched on in confusion and terror as a woman deliberately passed up dozens of smaller bills, one at a time, to ultimately draw out a $100 bill to pay for her $11 purchase. If her goal was to prove herself the highest of rollers in the store at the time, she accomplished this with flair.

-A sweet old woman entered my lane, a mysteriously goatee-shaped bandaid on her chin, pristine white gloves on her hands, a gray sweater with the hood altered to function as a cape perfecting her ensemble. I want her to adopt me as soon as we can both fit it into our schedule, or at least sign her as my fashion consultant and see if I can commission a cape-hooded hoodie from her.

-I handed a young girl the book she had so eagerly purchased. She excitedly took it and ran to the end of the lane as her parents continued the transaction and began to read the story aloud to all within earshot. She spun the tale of the two kittens with such passion that I was left wanting more than another chapter as the family left the store.

-I was greeted by a mother-daughter shopping duo who had also come through my lane the previous night. They were passionate about their savings, but equally concerned with my well-being and lack of sleep. If I had the energy, I would have wept a single tear as they walked away, leaving me behind to watch the closest things I had to friends in this shift attain the freedom I so dearly desired.

-”You have incredible hair,” a bald man told me wistfully, eyeing my unreasonably thick brown mop. The sadness in his eyes made me consider cutting off a lock to hand to him, but I thought better of it, lest we enter a giving-a-mouse-a-cookie style scenario.

-An elderly woman placed her bills down on the conveyor belt one by one to count them out. I picked them up as she placed down the first couple to ensure they were not swept under the belt. I gestured for her to place them in my hand rather than on the moving surface. Instead, she took this as a challenge, throwing her money across the counter, avoiding my hand as best as she could, cackling to herself as I made a mad dash to pick up each. I never expected this sort of chaotic evil to come from such a frail body, but I have learned my lesson. I will never underestimate a potential nemesis again.

-As I was walking towards the guest services counter, I passed a shrieking baby and a mother desperate to soothe him. I happened to have a strip of stickers in my pocket and, before thinking about it, swooped in to hand them to the child. They immediately ceased the crying and the mother shouted her thanks as I walked away. I am now a gracious sticker fairy and I will pursue this new path wholeheartedly.

-The information that I used to work at Forever 21 has leaked to the management, and I became the subject of a battle between a front end manager and a soft lines manager. I believe soft lines won out in the end and I may have been brought into a new line of work.

-A father attempted to heckle me, asking if I would accept his Kohl’s cash. I turned the tables on the man, telling him that I would gladly take it, but it would not lower his total at all. His family found this hilarious, laughing at him uproariously as he pouted to himself after being roasted so severely. Let this be a lesson to all cashier-hecklers: we are doing our best and our jobs are hard enough and some of us cope with humor and sometimes you will get brutally burned.

A patient yesterday asked me to lift his head up and then put it back down. And then yelled at me when I did it because I lifted too high. Then later asked me to fluff his pillow nicer than it was. And yelled at me for lifting his head up to fluff said pillow. And tried to demand to talk to the ICU doc about it all.

This wasn’t even my patient. His nurse was so done lol.

Originally posted by earthlyfairy

some klance hcs for Anna’s shift in retail hell:

@voltron-assemble

  • contrary to popular belief, Lance didn’t really know he was bi until he’d been alone in space enough to really think about it
  • like he had his suspicions, the occasional “I find that dude way more attractive than normal” thought, but he wasn’t positive
  • BUT when he sees Keith laugh for the first time
  • a genuine, head-back-eyes-closed-burst of laughter 
  • Lance just thought, “oh quiznak”
  • he runs to Hunk in a panic, takes a deep breath, and goes
  • “Hunk my buddy my pal my man?”
  • “Yeah Lance?” Hunk doesn’t look up from whatever he’s tinkering with.
  • “I think I’m a bit more gay than I originally thought.”
  • “for who? Shiro?”
  • “um” Lance rubbed the back of his burning neck, “Actually it’s Keith”
  • Hunk pauses, turns to look up at his best friend, and raises his eyebrows, “Dude. Even Pidge could’ve told you that.”
  • needless to say, Lance made sure to flirt with girl and guy aliens especially in front of Keith after that
  • just to show that he had game in both genders of course
  • not because he wanted Keith to know he was bi
  • or because he wanted to make the mullet jealous
  • definitely not
2

Wednesday, 7 December 2016

Inspired theme(s):
chrismiyu

senpai, you can’t just say things like that suddenly

#followers week!

  • Lance: *suave voice & talking to keith on the phone* Hey babe. Wanna... make-out with me on this cool bed when you get home?
  • Keith: Not if the cool bed your speaking of is that red racecar bed you bought from the store when it was on sale.
  • Lance: Come on Keith. It'll really help shift this make-out session into overdrive.
  • Keith: *hANGS UP THE MCFRICKEN PHONE*

I was kinda zoning out at work today and this random guy was like ‘you look happy, are you excited for Christmas?’ and I was like…

yes…Christmas…that’s what I’m excited about…that’s what I’m looking forward to…this festive season…

not like I actually spent all day just squeeing internally over the two seconds of kabby in the trailer or anything…

i’d like to think sakura never expected sasuke to be the affectionate type. that she knew that although he loved her, he probably wouldn’t initiate hand holding and embraces and kissing all that much because that’s simply how he was. he was one who loved deeply, very deeply, but expressed that more through actions that weren’t directly affectionate—like walking her home from her shifts, making lunch and dinner, doing his best to protect what they have.

so when they accepted that they’d been in a relationship for a while, if however incredibly slow and gradual, and that sasuke actually started initiating all these affections behind closed doors, it came to such a shock to sakura. every sweet touch he gave when he didn’t have to, every spontaneous kiss he offered, every hug he brought her into when she least expected it… she just found herself so stunned and flustered because she never imagined that sasuke could actually be this affectionate.

and she just loved it. she loved to be surprised by his subtle greediness for affection. 

Now that pokemon Gen 2 came out there’s a lot of kids playing it again at my theatre again!!

So when it’s slow and they’re near the counter I go and ask and if they’re excited for their movie. (And since Lego Batman is currently out) They usually reply with, “YES!!!! I’M WATCH LEGO BATMAN!!!”
To which I match their excitement by responding, “AAAWEEESSOOMMEE!!! OKAY! SO guys!!! IF BATMAN HAD A POKEMON, Wwwhhhich pokemon would he have???”
And ohman they get REALLY into it

I had this one girl think super hard and then go, “OH!! HE HAS AN UMBREON BECAUSE IT’S A DARK TYPE AND HE LIKES DARKNESS!!!!” Her bothers kinda nodded in awe and agreement

This one other kid thought outside the box and replied, “OH OH OH I KNOW!!! HE WOULD HAVE A ONYX, BUT ONLY IT’S MADE OUT OF KRYPTONITE SO HE CAN KICK SUPERMAN IN THE BUTT!!”

All great answers but literally none think to say, “A Zubat!! Because bats, duhh”
(Which is what I usually tell them after they take their guesses)
and it’s freaking hilarious how hard it looks like their minds get blown over it ohmygod