there’s something about Camila’s aura in Mi Persona Favorita music video like every time the camera focuses on her it’s like her smile was softer and there’s lightness in her eyes. it’s really like she was singing to a certain someone with full of love and adoration.
I sat in
the corner watching Shawn and Camila work on their amazing song I Know What You
Did Last Summer and kept thinking about how badly I wanted to know anything
about music, but I didn’t. Camila’s beautiful voice filled the room making
everyone listen to only her, Shawn played the guitar while me… I was just
sitting there envying Camila more than ever.
I felt like
an outsider, everyone around me was a pro at these music stuff, while I knew
absolutely nothing about it, about how to make a song, I couldn’t even sing. I
tried tho, but I miserably failed and decided not to sing ever again.
crazy, I love having you around, baby, you don’t have to know anything about
music,” Shawn always told me when I said how awkward I felt about not being a musician.
I know, it’s stupid, but I felt like I was left out of a whole part of his life
even though we were a couple. All I could do is to just support him and be
there for him through his career, and I was perfectly fine with it, but I
wanted to be more involved in it. But I didn’t know how to do it.
Camila was perfectly everything that I wasn’t.
me wrong, I loved Camila. I adored her. She was sweet, nice, funny and
beautiful. Exactly the type of girl you wouldn’t want your boyfriend to be
friends with. But who am I to tell him to stop being around Camila?
stopped recording and decided to have a short break and then continue working.
Shawn was talking to one of the guys, and Camila walked over to me.
did you like the song?” she asked with a wide smile on her face as she grabbed
a bottle of water.
can’t wait for it to be finished,” I sighed smiling at her. “Do you have
something in your mind about the video?”
we’ll see.” He phone’s ringtone interrupted us. “Oh, sorry, I have to take it.
Talk to you later,” she waved at me exiting the room as she answered the call.
lower in my armchair looking around, and a moment later Shawn appeared in front
of me. He gave me a bright smile before easily picking me up, sitting down and
then placing me onto his lap.
girl, I’m sorry we are still here, we’ll just do one more round and we can go
have dinner.” He ran his hand up on my thigh and kissed my temple.
problem, I always love to watch you work,” I smiled at him putting my arms
around his neck. “I can at least wait for you even though I can’t help,” I
added earning an eyeroll from him.
again. I told you, I’m not dating you because you are like a Grammy winner
musician, baby. Music is not for you, I get it, and I still love you.”
I sighed knowing he was right, but I still couldn’t help but feel like idiot
next to Camila or anyone who was in his industry. “I just wish I could sing
“And I wish
I could fly,” he replied.
thanks, so are you saying that singing for me is like flying to you? That’s nice,”
I said pretending to be hurt. He chuckled kissing my cheek.
what I’m saying, babe. I meant that I really want to fly, but I know I can’t
and I’m over it. I’m happy without it, because it’s not necessary in my life.”
I smiled shyly
at him not wanting to argue with him. His example was sweet, but still didn’t make
me feel better about my lack of talents.
hour later they were done with everything and we could finally leave. My
anxiety didn’t disappear, in fact, it just became worse as I saw how good they
got along with Camila and I knew they were connected through music. I wanted
this connection. I wanted to feel what I supposed Camila was feeling when they
were singing together.
We left the
studio and headed to the restaurant where we had a reservation, for about an
hour ago. But it was whatever, Shawn could take care of these stuff in no time.
We ordered, Shawn tried to communicate with me, like a normal boyfriend would
do, but I kind of turned into myself still thinking about how Camila, or anyone
else in the music industry would be a better choice for Shawn than me.
wrong?” he asked taking my hand on the table, looking concerned.
nothing. I was just thinking,” I shrugged.
music thing again. Y/N, when can we finally move over this thing?” he sighed
leaning back at his seat.
I just can’t get it off my mind,” I said avoiding to look at him. I didn’t want
to see the pity in his eyes, I just couldn’t take it along with all of my other
“I have no
idea why you keep thinking about it, I thought we would be over it by now.”
sorry that I can’t get myself over that there are girls out there who are a
hundred times better than me and would be a better choice for you. It’s not
just my opinion, but a lot of your fans. Because yeah, I read these stuff,
Shawn, and I can’t help but feel like shit. I’m sorry for that, really,” I
snapped at him maybe a bit harsher than I should have, grabbed my purse and
stormed out of the restaurant.
I have no
idea why I did this, and I didn’t know where to go since Shawn was my ride
home, so I just turned right and started to walk down the street. A minute
later Shawn ran after me trying to stop me, he stood in front of me blocking
slow down,” he pleaded and by that moment my anger was gone. I was just simply
sad. I felt the tears form in the corner of my eyes. “Baby, don’t cry.” He put
his arms around me and pulled me to his chest as I sobbed into his shirt. “Come
one, let’s go home and talk.”
I nodded whipping
my tears away, a moment later the car was next to us, he helped me to get in
and then we headed to my home. He didn’t say anything on the way back, he just
hugged my tightly and let me calm down. We got home, he pulled me into the
living room and we sat down to the couch.
me the real reason why you were so angry,” he started in a really soft voice. I
took a deep breath and decided to be fully honest with him.
really afraid that one day you would leave me for a girl who is prettier,
smarter and even good at these music stuff,” I said sighing. I wasn’t
necessarily thinking about Camila, just any girl in general. “I really want to
be a part of your life, but me not knowing anything about music other than that
I’m able to recognize a Beyoncé song in three seconds is really bothering me,
because music is your life.”
Music is a part of my life,” he said cutting me off. “Just like you. Music is
something I love and I also love you. You being next to me through my career is
more than I ever asked. I just need your support and I already have it. I don’t
need anything or anyone else. Just you.”
I stared at
him and my smile grew wider with every moment feeling stupid about how I acted
earlier. I threw my arms around his neck pressing my lips to his.
for putting up with my shit,” I mumbled giggling as I pulled away.