the long good bye

I looked through our conversations when we used to be on cloud nine and in love, these were the times you told me how lucky you are to have a girl like me, how thankful you are because you never received such love I was giving to you and whatever happens, you will never let me go. The words you said mean everything to me and it stabs my heart, realizing that these words mean nothing anymore. I can’t help myself but to cry my heart out till the sun has set. The pain is too heavy to bear, the love I believed to be true and different was gone. We used to be over the moon, but the present tells the opposite. This is stupid of me to say but, I won’t deny the fact that I miss you so much. I love you, I still do. But somehow, I’ve come with the thought that I can’t do anything anymore, I need to let you go because it’s the right thing to do. I’ve decided to finally move on and this would be the last time I would cry over you because there was nothing left to hold on to and I can’t hold on to something that doesn’t want to be held.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I was the reason why you let things end. I’m sorry for the terrible mistake I made, I never blamed you for deciding to end this because you were hurt and I understand. I only have myself to blame. But, I was hoping you would’ve understood, that I did it for us. I always feared the day would come, the day you will finally won’t take back the words you’ve said. I’m sorry for the other things that have hurt you, for the things that made you cry, jealous and mad. 

Thank you. I’m thankful that I met you because you have given me a temporary bliss. I laughed and smiled because of you. Somehow, you made me feel loved and beautiful in a short period of time. Thank you for the good days: the days we felt unstoppable like we’re flying high, when holding your hand felt like home, leaning on your shoulders made me feel secure and hearing your voice sound like the angels are singing. It was worth it, being loved and loving you. Thank you for making me realize how capable I am to love someone. You proved forever within a number of days. You were the greatest and worst thing ever happen to me. 

Goodbye. This will be the last time that I will write you a message, I’ll accept the fact that some things are meant to end, even though I used to believe that you won’t let that happen. I did everything I could to make you stay, but I guess your life no longer includes me because, you’re happy now and I can see that clearly. You already found a love that’s all the things ours couldn’t be. I hope you find overwhelming joy by her side, I hope she won’t hurt you and make you cry. I hope for the best for the both of you. It hurts but I’ve accepted the painful truth that I am just a distant memory now. I don’t regret loving you, but what I regret is that I let myself believe that this would last.

I won’t forget you and the memories, I will always keep you alive in my heart. I’ll just get used to not having you in my life anymore. Deep within my heart knows getting over you won’t be simple. I need to stop loving you so I can start loving myself again. You were a painful blessing, but you were also a great lesson. I guess you’re just another chapter of my life needed to end. I still and will pray for your safety and happiness even though I’m in pain right now, I still believe you deserve the best. I hope you find everything in her that you couldn’t find in me. You will always be my greatest love.

—  S.L // unsent last message

and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

things i learned in 2016:

  • sometimes i’ll try my best in school and i’ll still fall short of my goals, but i’ll still survive because life goes on
  • what’s important is learning how to overcome fear of failure and perfectionism
  • rest is important, but so is knowing how to push myself enough that i can accomplish the goals i have for myself
  • taking care of myself is important, but so is being aware of how to improve myself so i can be happy with the person i am
  • being by myself and having quality Me time is important, but so is interacting with people who uplift me and add positivity and radiance into my life
  • i don’t have to drink if i don’t want to
  • nothing excuses behaviors that hurt other people
  • i don’t have to cut off my friendships from high school just because college is a time to Explore and Meet New People™ 
  • with that being said, i also shouldn’t cling onto past relationships just because they were once a thing. there’s a time to let go for almost everything, and relationships aren’t an exception
  • support systems are important
  • social media breaks are important
  • doing things that are fulfilling in life is important
  • helping other people is important
  • i missed reading books purely for the joy of it
  • the most ‘successful’ people in the world learn to let go of envy or jealousy, and learn + gain motivation/inspiration from those who are better than them
  • negative bias is real, but just its mere existence indicates that good things do happen in this world and i will learn how to appreciate that more in 2017, god damnit.
  • i need to rely more on internal and not external validation

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for @mysticdaddies <3

It was a regular Friday night and you were hanging out with your boyfriend, Saeran. He was completely absorbed in some computer game, but you didn’t mind. Just being together was enough for you two.

While he clicked away on his laptop, you sat upside down beside him, legs hanging off the back of the couch, ranting about your day.

“..and then the asshole said the final was 300 points! What the fuck happened to it being worth 100 points? On the syllabus it clearly said 100, but now he just changes it?”

“Uh huh,” Saeran murmured, too absorbed in his game to be paying much attention. “What a dick.”

“I know, right? Who does he think he is?” Sighing, you kicked your legs up and down a few times, thinking. “You know what? I wish somebody would run me over with a Mercedes Benz or a Ferrari or something.”

“You… want to be run over by a car?” Saeran asked, shooting you a startled look.

That caught his attention.

“Yeah,” you confirmed, “by a fancy car, so I’ll go out with class. I’ll be dead and I won’t have to take the final. It doesn’t sound like a bad idea to me.”

Saeran rolled his eyes, turning back to his laptop. “You’re an idiot.”

“But think about it,” you insisted. “If I’m dead, this wouldn’t be a problem.”

“That is if the impact kills you at all,” he pointed out. “A lot of people survive it.”

You considered it. “True, but it would be a good way to go. I’d die knowing that some rich motherfucker ran me over. It’d be an honor. Also, they’d have to pay for my funeral. Hell, you might be able to sue their asses and get rich yourself. It’s a win win for both of us.”

Saeran sighed and sat his laptop to the side as he stood up.

“Come on, you bum. We’re going out.”

You slid your legs from the back of the couch and sat upright. “Where to?”

“I’m going to steal one of Saeyoung’s cars and run you over.”


“No. We’re getting ice cream.”


After getting ice cream, you walked around for a bit, enjoying each others company. 

“I’m sorry,” Saeran said, glancing at you. “About your professor, I mean.”

“It’s okay,” you replied, and it was. Life sucked and your teacher was certainly an asshole, but at least you had Saeran. As long as he was by your side, you could get through anything.

honest to god i can see chirrut and baze like. sitting down places together, somewhere less populated in jedha, just to eat food or drink water or talk and its like they have a nice date that neither of them call a date until chirrut goes “well i guess you could really call this a BLIND date huh baze” and baze malbus takes a minute to just think about this man, chirrut imwe, next to him. a good long hard minute.