A/N: No one asked for this, but I did it anyway and I regret nothing. Inspired by this post. Please don’t kill me.
Karrin Murphy valued her quiet Sundays, mostly because
she almost never got them.
Too many things in her life needed attention, from grumpy
wizards that couldn’t go an hour without receiving a death threat to lending a
hand to babysit said grumpy wizard’s lovely daughter whenever the occasion
called for it, like now. Harry and Maggie had spent the night, and Uncle Thomas
stopped by for breakfast. All three had gone outside to play in the snow,
leaving her alone with her coffee and the paper on her favorite recliner.
Or so she thought.
Murphy heard an ominous thump from the direction of the
kitchen and figured one of the boys had come in. She’d tuned out the whole
world during her reading, after all.
However, when she glanced up from the newspaper, her jaw
Thomas stood there completely covered in various colored pearls and a little
Burger King crown, preening as if he were the most handsome man in the world.
“Thomas, what the f—”
“Well, Tamatoa hasn’t always been this glaaaaam…”
Murphy shut her eyes. “Oh no. Don’t. Don’t do it,
He struck a pose, spreading the beads through his pale
hands. “I was a drab little crab once!
Now I know I can be happy as a clam, because I’m beauuuutiful, baby!”
Murphy’s head sunk down into her knees. “No, no, noooooo,
“Did your granny
say ‘listen to your heart’, ‘be who you are on the insiiiiide?’
I need three words
to tear her argument apart: your granny lied!”
Maggie appeared to his left, her mop of curls down around
her instead of behind her headband, wearing a cute little pink skirt and a
white shirt with the Moana necklace Harry had bought her a week ago. Thomas
scooped her up in his arms and grinned menacingly, completely ignoring how
Murphy was bashing her head against her kneecaps in exasperation.
“I’d rather be
Like a treasure
from a sunken pirate wreck!
Scrub the deck and
make it look
I will sparkle like
a wealthy woman’s neck
Just a sec
Thomas spun his niece around while she giggled madly,
completely throwing off the scene the two were trying to recreate, but of
course the vampire didn’t mind.
“Fish are dumb,
They chase anything
Oh! And here they
come, come, come to the brightest thing that glitters
Mm, fish dinners
I just love free food!”
He hung the little girl upside down, pretending to lean
down to bite her. “You look like seafood!”
Then, Harry Dresden, wizard, the Winter Knight of Mab,
and Warden of the White Council, walked in wearing his usual jeans but with a
fake grass skirt over them.
He lifted one of his new staffs at Thomas, though of
course there was zero magic coursing through it. “I’m back. It’s Maui Time!”
He pretended to fumble and drop the staff, causing a
serpentine smile to crawl cross Thomas’ face.
“Well, well, well
having trouble with his look
Ouch, what a
Get the hook! Get
Ya don’t swing it
like you used to, man!”
Thomas tossed the grinning Maggie under his arm and faked
a punch, which sent Harry to the floor in exaggerated movements that made his
daughter’s giggling progress into full-on laughter.
“Yet I have to give
you credit for my start
And your tattoos on
For just like you,
I made myself a work of art
I’ll never hide
I’m too shiny!”
Thomas offered his brother a hand up and they both put
Maggie up on their shoulders, and all three of them finished the rest of the
song while Murphy stared straight-faced at the people she had voluntarily
chosen to call her family for some unknown reason.
“You’ll never be
quite as shiny!
You wish you were
nice and shiiiiiiiiiny!”
All three of them stood there, out of breath and beaming
at the former cop. Murphy readjusted her newspaper back up to her face.
“I am never taking you three to another Disney movie for
as long as I live.”
walking back to burger king i saw a little kid in little caesar’s, around maybe 3 or 4 years old, trying to open the front door, get it open a good amount, the dad closes it, he struggles against the closing and then goes to the floor in the fetal position crying. honestly? mood