the little burger king

Shiny: A Dresden Files Drabble

A/N: No one asked for this, but I did it anyway and I regret nothing. Inspired by this post. Please don’t kill me.


Karrin Murphy valued her quiet Sundays, mostly because she almost never got them.

Too many things in her life needed attention, from grumpy wizards that couldn’t go an hour without receiving a death threat to lending a hand to babysit said grumpy wizard’s lovely daughter whenever the occasion called for it, like now. Harry and Maggie had spent the night, and Uncle Thomas stopped by for breakfast. All three had gone outside to play in the snow, leaving her alone with her coffee and the paper on her favorite recliner.

Or so she thought.

Murphy heard an ominous thump from the direction of the kitchen and figured one of the boys had come in. She’d tuned out the whole world during her reading, after all.

However, when she glanced up from the newspaper, her jaw dropped.

Thomas stood there completely covered in various colored pearls and a little Burger King crown, preening as if he were the most handsome man in the world.

“Thomas, what the f—”

“Well, Tamatoa hasn’t always been this glaaaaam…”

Murphy shut her eyes. “Oh no. Don’t. Don’t do it, Thomas.”

He struck a pose, spreading the beads through his pale hands. “I was a drab little crab once! Now I know I can be happy as a clam, because I’m beauuuutiful, baby!”

Murphy’s head sunk down into her knees. “No, no, noooooo, not again!”

“Did your granny say ‘listen to your heart’, ‘be who you are on the insiiiiide?’

I need three words to tear her argument apart: your granny lied!”

Maggie appeared to his left, her mop of curls down around her instead of behind her headband, wearing a cute little pink skirt and a white shirt with the Moana necklace Harry had bought her a week ago. Thomas scooped her up in his arms and grinned menacingly, completely ignoring how Murphy was bashing her head against her kneecaps in exasperation.

“I’d rather be shiny!

Like a treasure from a sunken pirate wreck!

Scrub the deck and make it look

SHINY!

I will sparkle like a wealthy woman’s neck

Just a sec

Doncha know?”

Thomas spun his niece around while she giggled madly, completely throwing off the scene the two were trying to recreate, but of course the vampire didn’t mind.

“Fish are dumb, dumb, dumb

They chase anything that glitters

Beginners!

Oh! And here they come, come, come to the brightest thing that glitters

Mm, fish dinners

I just love free food!”

He hung the little girl upside down, pretending to lean down to bite her. “You look like seafood!”

Then, Harry Dresden, wizard, the Winter Knight of Mab, and Warden of the White Council, walked in wearing his usual jeans but with a fake grass skirt over them.

“Hey, crabcake!”

He lifted one of his new staffs at Thomas, though of course there was zero magic coursing through it. “I’m back. It’s Maui Time!”

He pretended to fumble and drop the staff, causing a serpentine smile to crawl cross Thomas’ face.

“Well, well, well

Little Maui’s having trouble with his look

Ya little semi-demi-mini-god!

Ouch, what a terrible performance

Get the hook! Get it?

Ya don’t swing it like you used to, man!”

Thomas tossed the grinning Maggie under his arm and faked a punch, which sent Harry to the floor in exaggerated movements that made his daughter’s giggling progress into full-on laughter.

“Yet I have to give you credit for my start

And your tattoos on the outside

For just like you, I made myself a work of art

I’ll never hide

I can’t!

I’m too shiny!”

Thomas offered his brother a hand up and they both put Maggie up on their shoulders, and all three of them finished the rest of the song while Murphy stared straight-faced at the people she had voluntarily chosen to call her family for some unknown reason.

“You’ll never be quite as shiny!

You wish you were nice and shiiiiiiiiiny!”

All three of them stood there, out of breath and beaming at the former cop. Murphy readjusted her newspaper back up to her face.

“I am never taking you three to another Disney movie for as long as I live.”

FIN


Am I kicked out of the fandom yet?

walking back to burger king i saw a little kid in little caesar’s, around maybe 3 or 4 years old, trying to open the front door, get it open a good amount, the dad closes it, he struggles against the closing and then goes to the floor in the fetal position crying. honestly? mood