Shit I’ve Said To My Dog : Sentence Starters
- Why do you get so upset when
I blow into your ears?
- Am I annoying you yet? Am I
annoying you yet? Am I annoying you yet?
- If you burp in my face we’re
not friends anymore.
- Why do you have such a floppy
- WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EATING?
- Oh, I didn’t realise you
suddenly decided to have standards.
- Stop looking at other people.
Your world should revolve around me.
- Remember that time, one year
ago when you split open my lip by accident and it didn’t stop bleeding? No?
Well I do.
- Wanna roll around on the
floor and make weird sounds later?
- If you try to lick me when I’ve just gotten out of the shower again I sWEAR TO GOD.
- Not everyone needs to hear
your opinion on the existence of fire alarms.
- I have never seen anyone so
happy to pretend to be dead before.
- Okay. You need a bath. I’m
ready for battle, don’t even try to argue this.
- How come you hate warm baths
but love swamp water and muddy puddles?
- I love that no matter what I
say, if I hold up my hand you’ll high-five it without question. It’s like we’re
always united, no matter who or what I’m roasting today.
- I found one of your hairs in
my breakfast. We need to talk.
- I asked you to bring me my
slippers. I did not ask you to check they were dead by shaking them like a
crazed dingo before giving them to me.
- You can’t just put your foot
in my mouth then walk away. What kind of friendship do you think this is?
- I love how efficient you are
at using the tools around us to be as annoying as possible.
- I never got to be the big spoon in bed before I had you. This is such a weird new perspective I have gained in life.
- I’m pretty sure this many
snuggles is illegal in some countries.
- No. Stop begging to try a
piece of my food. It’s a vegetable. You hate vegetables. *Sigh* Fuck it. Fine.
Here try some.
- SEE? I told you you’d hate
- Why do you insist on
smooshing squishy foods before eating them?
- I’m not sure how something so
adorable and pure could have as many nightmares as you do, but I hope you’re
- I will never grow tired of
booping your snoot.
- Sometimes I look at you and I
realise how lucky I am to have someone who is so tolerant of my weirdness.
- Why do you get excited
whenever I go to the bathroom?
- You always look sad when
you’re tired. It’s so fucking cute.
- I love how if I get really
excited over a stick, you trust me enough to see insane amounts of value in it
- I got you another teddy to
add to your already grossly large collection of teddies. Yes I’m an enabler. No
I’m not going to stop enabling you.
- Some kid asked me if you were
a bear today. It made me wonder what your spirit animal would be.
- Why do you always sleep by my
door? Are you guarding it from demons?
- Let’s go to the woods. You
run through the trees and I’ll hum the Game of Thrones theme.
- I’ve always wanted to braid
your hair, but I’m also worried you won’t like it
- How can you be both so polite
and such a piece of shit at the same time?
- Holy crap our souls were
literally meant for one another.