the linear life

How to stay Positive 🐝

1. Be yourself. Live authentically. To quote Dr. Suess, “There is no one alive that is you’er than you.” Don’t try to be someone you’re not to impress people. You will always be happiest when you are being your true self.

2. Contribute to the world in any way that you can. Maybe for you that’s picking up garbage on your way home from work, or giving money to a homeless person on the street, but you will become a more positive person if you are giving back.

3. Be grateful. Acknowledge how fortunate you are and be thankful that you have simple things like heating, food, and shelter. If you are grateful you will always be able to think more positively.

4. Be optimistic. So maybe you missed your 10:30 showing of Beauty And The Beast, are there later showings? Can you plan a rain check? Wouldn’t coffee be nice instead?

5. Surround yourself with positive people. Odds are, if you spend your time with negative people you’ll become more negative. When we are around positive people we become more positive ourselves.

6. Don’t be discouraged. You will never fail until you stop trying!

7. Be a realist. Everyone has their bad days, everyone. Lest,  I remind you that Walt Disney, J.K. Rowling, and Steven Spielberg, were all rejected before they ever succeeded.

8. Be like Elsa and let it go. Okay so Elsa may not have been the most positive person at first, but by the end of the movie she learned to make a positive out of what was once a negative situation! Don’t hold on to anger, fear, or hurt. Keep moving forward and forgive others and yourself.

9. Help someone else. It’s so easy to make someone’s entire day. Compliment someone’s new clothes or hair cut, hold doors open for people, smile at strangers and share inspirational quotes with friends. You will feel so much happier and positive if you make someone else feel that way.

10. Kick fear to the curb. Stop letting “what if’s” control your life. Be brave and trying something new, or do something that might scare you. Doing something is always better than doing nothing; you might just surprise yourself!

11. Stop and smell the roses. Appreciate everything around you: sights, smells, music. When we don’t take time to breathe we become stressed.

12. Put down those chips. Junk food might make you feel good for a moment but it will only make you feel unhappy down the road. Swap a milkshake for a smoothie, Soda for a glass of water or a cup of green tea, ice cream for a fruit bowl and so on. We can actually eat a lot more raw foods than processed foods without gaining weight or feeling bloated.

13. Get out there. Make plans! Stop scrolling through instagram and snap stories feeling bad about yourself because it’s a Friday night and you’re at home. It’s always nice to stay in every now and then but it’s also enjoyable to get out into the world and socialize.

14. Get your beauty sleep. 7 hours minimum to function and 8 ideally. It’s impossible to be positive when you’re cranky from not getting enough z’s.

15. Exercise. Find the exercise for you. Maybe it’s swimming, hiking, cycling, yoga, dance, or basketball. Working out will make you feel powerful, happy, and accomplished.

16. Don’t compare yourself to others. Other people’s beauty does not take away from your own. Yes, Sarah from math class has a really nice smile…but have you seen yours? Wow.

17. Accept yourself.  Change what you can change and love what you can’t.

18. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Take yourself out of the situation. Is this really a big deal? Will it affect you tomorrow? What about next week? Next month?

19. Be empathetic. Your friend just cancelled your plans for the evening because he is feeling too anxious. What can you say to show him that you’re accepting of his situation? Can you offer up an alternative plan? People want to spend time with people who are kind and accepting of them.

20. Accept that life isn’t linear. There are always going to be ups and downs and that is absolutely normal! You just have to ride the wave  instead of letting yourself drown.

The culture of college education in this country is so frustrating to me, because it ends up feeling like life and death when it really really shouldn’t. Failing an exam or dropping a class or taking more than four years or even dropping out of school shouldn’t feel like the end of the world, and we all know this, rationally, at yet they do. 

(And people who went to college when you could basically always get into your first choice school and pay for the entire year with your summer job busing tables, perpetuate this by making everything about arbitrary metrics of ~success~ rather than happiness/general life satisfaction).

And yeah, there are a lot of cultural and societal factors at play, not least of which is the way that our education system treats college like the goal, something that must be harnessed to guarantee the highest possible earning potential, a necessity for future success and happiness. 

But expecting to know what you want to do for the rest of your life when you’re what? 17/18/19? is ridiculous. Hell, I’m in my twenties and in grad school and I still don’t know what I want to do with my life most days. Basically no one I graduated from college with is doing what they ultimately want to do (if they even know what they want to do). 

Idk idk. Life isn’t linear and it’s a lot longer than it seems when you’re 19 (which I realize is rich coming from me, the 23 year old), and they way we treat college is kind of (very) fucked up. 

Circular Dependencies (2/?)

Sweet Lord, okay, I’m not entirely proud of this one - not as much as I was of part 1, but I’m so anxious to post this as soon as possible while I’ve still got my free time. I hope ya’ll enjoy the second part to this ever-expanding fic that still hasn’t left my brain. 

Also, I don’t know anything about how holographic images are made or the science behind anything at all, in any context. So I want to issue an official apology to Science. Science, you deserve better girl. 

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Symphony of song

Love leaves whispers,
eternal yearnings
on the breath
of our tongues–
irresistible
compelling,
invisible hands
undressing thoughts,
unraveling silence,
tempting confessions
from the depths
of our manacled souls.

Love’s clairvoyance
conceives of us
before we know
ourselves.
Its tentacles delve
deeply within,
plundering
the soft underbelly
of moonlit,
half conscious
conversations,
melding words
we had never
dreamed could
coalesce.

At night,
Love transports
us beyond the linear
sphere of life
into a realm
festooned in woodland
delights, a sylvan space
where pearly dreams
bathe in speckles
of moonlight.

As we caress
the silhouettes
of our minds,
falling in love
with the velvet skin
we become
when uninhibited silks
descend,
our strapless
hearts envelope
and intermingle in
timeless harmony,
our symphony of song.

let me just say something; i’ve failed almost a whole year of school, had to change my major last minute a year ago, delayed my graduation by 2 years, have almost gotten kicked out of my house, dealt with so much shit from my mental illness, have loved and lost, but let me tell you friends keep fucking fighting. no one may understand that the process of life isn’t linear and you have to do it your own way. failure doesn’t mean shit, it’s the way you pick yourself up afterwards. you live and you learn. let your life be full of crazy stories that you can one day remember when your mind has gone to mush. be an inspiration. go out into the world and make it count. i swear life is worth it, even if somedays you want to end it all. keep pushing forward my friends.

Non-Linear Life Story

Sewaktu kecil punya cita cita jadi dokter. Semakin besar punya cita - cita jadi Intelijen. Lalu kuliah di teknik fisika, banyak belajar tentang Oil and Gas, energy, dan elektronika. Tapi karena sangat mengaggumi B.J Habibie, punya cita cita kerja di Airbus.

Selama kuliah kerja hanya ngurus BEM dan 3 tahun di kementrian sosial politik, jadi rajin demo, kuliah seadanya aja. Tahun terakhir, dapet project dari YLI on Behalf YLI and McKinsey untuk jadi Pro Bono Consultant ngurus supply chain jagung untuk Cargill.

Entah darimana dapat tawaran S2 dan beasiswa ke Perancis, dijalani. Lamar internship ke Airbus, ditolak (kalo diterima ga balik ke Indo). Dan diterima internship oleh EDF Perancis untuk riset paten baru instrument nuklir uni Eropa di Polandia. Ngurusin per-nukliran dan instrumentnya.

Lulus S2, di minta profesor disana untuk stay lanjut S3 dan tinggal di Perancis, dan saya menolak.  Sekarang lagi berusaha submit jurnal internasional untuk hasil riset internship di Polandia.

Pulang ke Indo, ngurus pesantren, bisnis kecil kecilan dan diajak start up-an. Lanjut, masuk perusahaan telco di Indo yang sedang metamorfosis ke digital sambil jadi dosen di Perguruan Tinggi swasta, start up dan usaha socioprenuer yang lagi dirancang. Lanjut sambil kerja invest - invest kecil sambil belajar. Makin kesini sering sharing dengan tokoh, pengen jadi pebisnis.

Jalan hidup ga linear sama sekali, tapi Allah selalu tau yang terbaik dan sebaik baik pembuat rencana. Bismillah untuk langkah - langkah selanjutnya :)

Pharmercy - >1000 words

Angela invites Fareeha to dance one night as they’re walking down from a mountain path, their breath coming out in warm white puffs against the cool autumn air. She’s listening to something in her headphones, as she usually does when she accepts Fareeha’s invitations to walk. Even when they don’t talk, even when Angela blares music to distract herself from her breathing, Fareeha is thankful for every opportunity to be nearer to her. Fareeha is listening to a frog in the distance, but more than that: relative silence, so the request catches her off guard, if a little bit.

“Please?” Angela says, a genuine smile on her lips, her hand extended to Fareeha.

Fareeha isn’t much of a dancer, has never had much of a reason to invest time in learning, but she has recently discovered that she may very well love the doctor, so she’s willing to try anything once for her. She gives Angela her hand.

Angela takes out an earbud, gives it to Fareeha. The song is slow and lyric-less and oddly ambient. Angela wraps an arm around her neck, and not knowing what to do with her free hand, Fareeha rests it on Angela’s hip. And that’s truly where it starts.

It’s not really dancing, in as uneven a place as a walking path on a mountain, the most they’re really capable of doing is swaying, and yet it still feels too intimate.

Fareeha watches every action; wants to memorize the expression on Angela’s face, how her eyes close and she rests her head on Fareeha’s chest - Fareeha suspects that Angela is listening for a heartbeat, as she does when they’re laying in bed together, and occasionally when she’s being cheeky during Fareeha’s check-ups and checks once, ear pressed firm over Fareeha’s burning skin, before she reluctantly brings out the stethoscope. And through all of this, they give no name to themselves.

Perhaps it’s a lot to ask for a label. Fareeha and Angela have only danced in the woods like this once, but they spend endless days dancing around what they are, who they are, how the choose to approach the world. It’s easy to find happiness, harder to commit to working to keep it. Life is so resplendently short, it is unfair to ask Angela to divide her time up, to make room for Fareeha as something preminente, when she has devoted her life to greater causes; it would be selfish to ask Angela to give her what she no longer posses herself.

The song fades out and Fareeha is so wrapped up in her mind she doesn’t quite notice until Angela places a cold hand on her cheek and literally shocks her out of it.

“Are you alright?” She asks when Fareeha looks down. It’s probably the faraway look in Fareeha’s eyes, or the confusion etched in the lines at her forehead that cause Angela to worry her lip briefly and then elaborate. “You heart, Fareeha, it’s hammering.” Fareeha’s mouths oh and then smiles slightly.

“I think that is just the effect of you.” She says, it comes out smooth, like milk or satin and because Angela cannot take a complement gracefully, she bumps her shoulder against Fareeha’s and attempts to look put upon.

She always falls short; Fareeha has learned that although Angela does not need it to be incredible, to do what she does, Angela hunts for praise, and likes to receive it.

“All the same,” Angela says, “I will listen if you need to talk.”

For a moment, neither speaks. Fareeha drops her hands from Angela’s hips, removes the earpiece from her ear and hands it back. Fareeha watches how Angela moves when she takes it, focused on her fingers and then her eyes, like looking into a cracked geode, reflected and splintering shades of blue. Too perceptive.

“If I told you I love you,” Fareeha says suddenly, “what would that do to us?”

Fareeha hadn’t particularly meant to say it, but she also doesn’t regret it. Her heart hammers, but not for fear - just of that same vein of feeling which follows saying something foreign and new for the first time.

“Do you love me? Or are we exploring a hypothetical?” Angela says, smiles prettily, but she is impossible to read.

“I do love you,” says Fareeha, and then nervously: “but only if it means that nothing has to change.”

Angela hums, puts a hand behind Fareeha’s neck and pulls her into a kiss. It’s a nice reprise from the cold air and the rushing blood Fareeha can hear in her ears. It’s a nice reprise because Angela wants, and she may be hard to read at times, but skin to skin Fareeha can feel every jerky move of self-containment, revels in every nip to her lip, and the way Angela’s hands grip like she is scared to let go. Perhaps she is.

Perhaps Angela is tired of losing people; Fareeha had never thought of it before.

“I suppose I love you, too” Angela says playfully, after a time, withdrawing. She twines her hand in Fareeha’s; walks with her down the path once more.

“Suppose?” Fareeha echoes and chuckles a bit.

“No, you’re right.” Angela says, “I do love you, I know that. Does it worry you that we don’t say these things to each other?”

“A little,” Fareeha confesses. Angela laughs quietly.

“We’re in a bad position to fall in love,” Angela says, softly, almost to herself. “But then, I think I often make the mistake of assuming life is linear and easily navigated. It’s not.”

“No,” Fareeha agrees, and for a time they are quiet.

“Do you like dancing?” Angela asks as they approach the watchpoint.

Fareeha turns to her, grins stupidly, guiltily.

“Not particularly,” she confesses.

“That’s too bad,” says Angela, looks at her out of the corner of her eye and smirks, “loving me means that you will probably need to learn to like it.”

“Well, I think that it will be a fair trade,” a pause, “loving me means occasional workouts at 4:00 on Saturdays.” Fareeha says, smiles. Angela balks.

“Absolutely not.”

“Love is pain,” Fareeha grins, swoops in and steals a kiss.

What the Signs Need to Know

Aries: Calm down. The world is not ending when you don’t get your way so take a note from the water signs and just go with the flow! Your life could be a lot happier if you just relax and enjoy the moment instead of trying to make it more complicated. It’s not that you guys love the struggle, but you have a plan and want to see it through. That’s okay but remember life isn’t linear, it happens randomly, and there is magic in the random when you don’t try and search for it.

Taurus: You guys could use a little less chill and be more assertive in what you want! It’s not enough to be stubborn, but stop being afraid to speak up and learn that voicing your opinions isn’t selfish, it’s necessary and shows independence. If you really want to see you passions come through, go after them instead of staying in the comfort zone. Life happens when you step outside of your perfect box and give spontaneity a chance.

Gemini: We all know that you guys  can be the biggest flirts but did you ever think that sometimes special attention to one person can be meaningful enough? Stop being scared that if you don’t know everything about everyone that you’ll miss a small detail and get the rug pulled out from under you. You’re going to be fine if you hang back for a night and spend quality time with someone, even if that someone is yourself.

Cancer: Alright Cancers home is where the heart is, but your heart is everywhere you go! As beautiful as this is you may need to narrow down where you lay your love from time to time and realize that one or two people are enough to carry your secrets for you. Don’t worry you’re not as fragile as you think you are and if you trust your gut more often, you may find your convictions come to fruition, and your instincts to be correct.

Leo: Okay Leo as hard as this is to hear you’re NOT the center of the universe and that’s okay! You don’t want that kind of pressure anyways, and it’s important to let other people have the limelight from time to time. Just know that you are special and magnificent without needing to compare yourself to others and when you do you’re only ensuring that your esteem lies in the hands of other people. It doesn’t and you can do better than that. Treat yourself the way you treat others: with respect and the idea that everyone does have something different to offer, including you.

Virgo: You are smart yes, but sometimes your logic can be too critical and forgetful of personal opinions and feelings. Remember that it’s okay to go with your gut over you head and your heart isn’t always wrong like you’re afraid of. If you stop being scared of risk you might end up having adventures with people you never thought possible. You owe it to yourself to try.

Libra: It’s easy to be caught in the in-between of decision, that choosing sides seems unfair, and equality feels more natural. But remember that taking a stand may actually make you stronger, and that choosing sides doesn’t mean betrayal for someone else. Sometimes you have to choose in order to realize what you want, and decisions can lead to greater rewards.

Scorpio: You guys are so insecure sometimes that you never let anyone in and no one knows why! You can be so beautiful sometimes that if you let yourself shine elsewhere for even a moment, someone might recognize the beauty you hold and god forbid someone see that. Remember that love means letting people in, love means getting hurt sometimes, but the healing process makes you stronger, please trust that.

Sagittarius: You may be the most independent of the fire signs and although there is magic in that, it alienates those you love. It’s okay to say you need someone sometimes, and it’s even more okay to say you want someone sometimes. Wants and needs don’t make you weak and the sooner you realize that the sooner you’ll feel more whole. You don’t have to fill the empty spaces with empty places, you can have it all and you deserve it.

Capricorn: Although you always have a plan and a back-up plan, it’s okay to be spontaneous at times. Don’t be afraid to let loose and see what happens when you take a chance! There is security in reason and logic, but there is a boring quality to it all. There is surprise and happiness that awaits you if you just let go and follow instincts over blueprints sometimes. Stop letting practicality rule over your life and you’ll be surprised what could happen.

Aquarius: Wanting to help everyone with their future is great and all, but what about you? When is it your turn to ask for help or have an honest conversation with someone? If you keep striving for individuality you may actually miss all the great qualities about yourself and others that makes humanity great. And if you stop trying to help everyone else, you may have time for your own dreams to become realities. not everyone needs to be fixed and thats okay. Learn that love can be just listening, not advising.

Pisces: You are beautiful in how much you feel and how much you see, but when you get lost in your daydreams and quest for the great perhaps, you risk losing yourself and that’s not as attractive. There is magic in the present if you let yourself stay in it, and the future can hold much more happiness than the past ever did. Don’t worry about not having more time to do the things you want to do, you will; and don’t be afraid to lose loved ones because you won’t. The way you give to others will come back to you if you are patient, present, and watchful.

Am I Genuine

Have I transcended want to such a state as I believe?

Could I be a placid facade over a fractured accumulation of traumatically broken selves?  I can’t know.

The truth changes by imperceptible steps in a linear life.  Suffering is an impotent, absent antagonist, but so too the fire.

I was a chaos mage, awash and in awe of possibility incomprehensible and uncaged.  I was immortal as I was boundless, formless, and forever.  I could shed entirety even ain soph into ain soph aur, before they were words, before they were dead things, the bluntest of tools wielded in clubbed hands.  The living truth died and became music died and became poetry died and became knowledge died and became self who clumsily wields the bluntest of tools, rarely and heavily.

Ignorance is blitz, life untethered and masterless, burning in every extreme to exceed the outermost, without center, emanating from and too all that is and is not.

Simply put, is the path real and irreversible, have I doomed myself to diffuse and not combust?

Will the sun rekindle this flame anew when the clouds part to burn off the dew?

To cry out: never did I seek an end to suffering, I scoffed at such fools that yet greater fools idolized.  I thrived doggedly after limitless light and an endless, ever superior truth.  Is my milquetoast encapsulation of self, are these blunt, unworn tools, a punishment, an eventuality, an illusion, a failing of limitation, or a pondstone?

Progress update!

It’s important to remember that weight loss isn’t linear. Hardship in your life will occasionally influence the scale but worry not. Consistency really does pay off in the long run!

Try not to focus on the numbers, and just work towards bettering yourself each and every day 😊

Fic: Move in Time (Kurt/Elliott)

Summary: Kurt can feel the connection between them, but knowing if he wants to try is much more complicated. Pamela Lansbury AU. (4k, PG-13)

Author’s Note: Written for Kelliott Appreciation Weekend. This is the second fic I started writing for this weekend, to take a break from my other when it started getting heavy, and I ended up finishing this first. This story is only loosely connected to Pamela Lansbury as we saw it in canon, and Kurt and Blaine aren’t back together here.

Also at AO3.

The cramped, tiny backstage area of the club is dusty-dark, and Kurt has Rachel’s back pressed to his front. His knuckles are pressed to the bare skin in the crook of her elbow, a grounding connection, and he feels the vibrations of the breath she takes, can feel the vibrations of the crowd just beyond, murmurs and the tension of a heartbeat as they wait.

A soft electric hum and buzz, and the yellow and orange stage lights come up, the spark lighting among the crowd as they start to make noise. Rachel steps away from him.

Kurt feels a warm palm settle low on his hip, and he glances up to Elliott’s face.

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AYEM: Alt. Ending Extension

As many of you know, I was very unhappy with the alternate ending of A Year Every Minute I posted. When I originally got the idea it was early on in the story, then when I looked back on it I realized everything was horribly out of character for Gaster as well as my version of Sans.

This isn’t a rewrite, but more of an extension. This picks up years after the alternate ending as an internal dialogue between Gaster and Sans and how they’ve been dealing with not only being freed from the Underground, but also learning how to adjust to a new life where they share a body. Originally I wanted the alternate ending to go a lot farther, but like I said it just wasn’t going to work out. So here is my second attempt at giving it a bit more closure.

I was also looking forward to writing this because it finally gives a little but of insight into my version of Chara. They don’t get much screen time in AYEM and appear as simply an evil, driving force, but I don’t like things to be quite that simple.

Bold is Gaster, normal font is Sans if it becomes confusing. Enjoy!


Well. We had done it. Together we killed the anomaly. The gamble had paid off and our timeline, as well as countless others, were saved. The human was able to reset the world once they were free from its control, and everything went right back to the way it had been.

Almost, anyway.

Neither of us were really banking on me sticking around. At least I wasn’t. I had thought everything would reset and I would go right back to the void.

But that wasn’t the case. I stuck around.

I wish I hadn’t.

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Gluckel Von Hameln: First European Jewish Woman to Write an Autobiography

One of her descendants, Bertha Pappenheim, posed and dressed as her, in the early 20th century.

Hi everyone! So this week I’m writing about Glϋckel von Hamlen (also known as Glickl), who is the first European Jewish women to write an autobiography! She wrote her the first chapter (or “book”) of her autobiography in 1691, two years after her first husband died, and finished the seventh, and last, chapter/book somewhere between 1719 and 1724. Not intended to be published, her work was written with incredible warmth, love, and compassion, for her children and grandchildren to read after she died, so that they would know about their family, and where they came from.  She also repeatedly discusses the ways in which writing her life story down allows her to get through long and painful nights, and the loneliness she combated daily after losing her husband and entering into an unfortunate, apparently loveless, second marriage.

She tirelessly writes down the names of each family member, their marriages, and their children, in really remarkable detail, creating a record not only of herself and her family, but also the Jewish communities of Hamburg and Hamlen, that not only was surely of great use to descendants, but also of historians looking to recreate or analyze Jewish life, particularly Jewish family life and Jewish women’s lives, in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries.  Given that so few documents have survived from European Jews in this period, her account has an incredibly vital and indispensable resource for historians.

 However, her autobiography is more than just a simple record. It includes advice and morality tales, written herself or taken from elsewhere that tells us much about her character, her values, and the time period. As she writes these little tales down or records information, she allows her memory to wonder, including for us in beautiful prose, non-linear snapshots from her life as she remembers them, as they occur to her. It often resembles less a “typical” autobiography, which claims to be an objective, unbiased telling of the author’s life, and more an emotional personal account of her subjective experiences, as they would be verbally told to an attentive (and very well loved) listener.

Her work, originally written in an early form of Yiddish, has since been translated accurately into Hebrew, English, German (by Pappenheim), and modern Yiddish. The version I’m most familiar with is Beth-Zion Abraham’s 1960s translation, “Gluckel of Hameln: Written By Herself.”

The Abrahams version is available on Amazon, and in many local and university libraries!

~Mod M/Meghan