A/N: This fic was written for @inickel based from her post! (And side note: thanks for getting me addicted to this song like omgg it’s a bop.) This is a songfic based on The Weeknd’s, “Wicked Games.” Enjoy!! <3
Word Count: 2,316.
Warnings: Harry x Uma, Swearing, & Angst.
It rained while he walked. The murky waters of the isle swishing back and forth to the land. The pitter-patter sound of the rain had combined with that of the waters it was falling on, creating a comforting tune of dampness in the brunette boy’s ears as he ventured. The young pirate kept walking until he had reached restaurant that towered over him. That of which, was Ursula’s Fish and Chips. The boy breathed out a sigh and stepped in. Upon his entrance he was greeted immediately with a rather angry turquoise headed girl holding a tray of rotten fish.
“Harry, where have you been!? Your shift here started ten minutes ago!”
“Sorry Uma, I ran into a little problem.”
“Oh? And what would that be?”
“Me hook needed polishin’ “
She huffed and smacked the fake hook out of his hand.
“Aye! What was that for?!”
“What was it for? Maybe because you’ve gotten so wrapped into that fake hook of yours that you totally forgot about life outside of it. Like the fact that you’re late for your brand new shift here, or that you haven’t been hanging around me much.”
He paused slightly at her words his classic smirk slowly making itself perceptible to Uma’s eyes.
“Well now, if I wasn’t so sure I’d be sayin’ you’re kinda of jealous of the hook, aren’t ya?”
Her eyes widen, a slight wave of blush slowly forming on her cheeks. Her eyes then went back down and her eyebrows furrowed.
“No! Why on earth would I ever be jealous of a stupid hook? Why would even think that?”
“Oh why it’s pretty obvious love, you love me, don’t you?”
She was taken a back at his question. Her cheeks grew more hot as the slight blush that was evident on her cheeks grew to not be so slight anymore.
Harry stood staring at his captain anticipating Uma to admit her love; only to hear the very opposite.
“No. I do not love you. I will never love you, Harry.”
Harry’s smug demeanor faded away and left a sadden expression in return.
“W-What, but I’m your first mate.”
“Right, and that’s all you’ll ever be, my first mate. Not first love, not first date, not anything! I don’t care about you!”
Harry gazed at her with eyes of sorrow. Tears slowly accumulated in his sockets.
“B-But, Uma I-”
“Don’t but Uma me, Harry! Okay? I said what I needed to say! This isle is place of anger and sadness! Love does not exist here, nor will it ever!”
“But it can exist! I can make it exist, Uma!”
“Fine, be my guest, but if you plan on finding someone to love you, you might wanna bring a map. ‘Cause it sure the hell ain’t here.”
Uma strode off. The tray of fish still in hand as she served a customer. Her gaze met Harry’s who was wide mouth at her words.
“Get to work, first mate, captain’s orders!”
Harry didn’t know what he wanted to do. A part of him wanted to shout and throw a fit out of anger. Though another wanted to bawl his eyes out. His emotions took a toll on him and stood there at the entrance stunned.
“Didn’t you hear me? I said get to work!”
Uma furrowed her eyebrows again and sauntered towards him angrily. Harry had not known what to do at that moment. The sight of an angry Uma was not one he enjoyed. He only did the one idea that came across his mind at that moment.
He quickly picked up his hook and bolted out the entrance. The rain he had left was still pouring hard. A couple lightning strikes even lit up his path as the quakes of thunder followed. He didn’t care however, he’d rather face the the mighty forces of nature than that of Uma. Eventually, when he knew the coast was clear and he was far from the restaurant, he sat down against the wall of an alley. There he started to think. He thought hard. The realization struct on him on what he done. He had abandoned his own captain. He had left her side. And now she’s probably hunting him down with the rest of the crew ready to chop his head off for leaving them and acting like a baby.
This thought of disloyalty made him angry. Up until, another thought entered his head. One that reminded him of Uma’s words that made him run. Her saying she didn’t love him, no, that never loved him. It might sound quite childish, but Harry always had at the back of his mind that Uma had a thing for him. He knew he did. Everywhere he treated her like a goddess. He kept to her every word since they were younger and up until now. Though, all of it, was for nothing. Tears formed again in Harry’s eyes. He then slammed his hook on the ground with the very little anger he had when he took notice to them forming. If the isle wasn’t a place of love, it most definitely wasn’t a place of crying. He had known that all too well. Though, in this moment, he just gave up on the isle’s rules.
He slowly brought up his knees to his face and brought his arms on top of them, making them cross. He slowly but gently lowered his head to his arms and started to bawl. He cried for a good while. He was going to cry until he knew couldn’t no more. Or at least, until he was interrupted by an individual.
Harry froze. After a brief moment he looked up only to find a blue haired girl looking down at him along with her three other friends behind her.
“Are you okay?”
He then rubbed his eyes and stood up quickly to not seem weak to the rotten four.
“Yes I’m okay! What’s it to ya?”
Jay walked over.
“Oh really, dude? ‘Cause your crying begs to differ.”
“What do you idiots want, huh? I thought you all were Auradon snobs now.”
Mal then walked over.
“Well, disregarding that diss, I can tell you that we came here to give Ben a tour of the isle. He always wanted to visit here.”
“Though, since it’s storming our tour for him got cut short, he’s back there with the limo waiting on us.”
She then pointed to a shiny expensive looking limo that was sitting in front of a bright beam of golden light making a road across the waters from the isle to Auradon.
Harry saw the limo and knew what he had to do.
“Let me go back with you all.”
The four paused. Carlos crossed his arms.
“Uhm, why, exactly?”
“It’s a long story, but I-I just don’t wanna serve Uma anymore. I’m sure she wouldn’t care if leave.”
Evie walked over to Harry and rubbed his back. Mal then patted his shoulder.
“Welp, okay then, I’m cool with that. Just hop into the limo with them. I’ll meet you all there I just gotta get some spray paint from my old place to make some graffit- er, I mean, art, at Auradon.”
Harry nodded and walked back with the others. When he reached the limo he told his story of what had happened to Ben and the three as they waited.
Carlos patted his shoulder.
“Well, dude, I know you feel awful right now, but trust us, Auradon will make you feel better. Hey, how about some tunes while we wait?”
Harry nodded at Carlos’ offer and Ben turned on the radio. A tune played.
I left my girl back home I don’t love her no more
The very first words of the song entered Harry’s mind. He felt they related somewhat well to his situation. He had left his girl back home. And he didn’t love her no more. Though, did he?
Jay groaned and reached towards the radio.
“Ben, what the hell man, turn this sappy shit off!”
Harry caught Jay’s arm just before it had touched the radio.
“No! Leave it!”
Harry then sat back and meditated to the lyrics some more. The bridge of the song soon came on.
Bring your love baby I could bring my shame Bring the drugs baby I could bring my pain I got my heart right here I got my scars right here Bring the cups baby I could bring the drink Bring your body baby I could bring you fame And that’s my motherfucking words too Just let me motherfucking love you
Harry broke down at those words. All he wanted to do was to show Uma how much he loved and adored her. And he did, though she didn’t love him back. Though, did she?
His eyes were full of tears and his ears were full of the song as it continued.
Listen ma I’ll give you all I got Get me off of this I need confidence in myself yeah yeah yeah oh yeah oh Listen ma I’ll give you all of me Give me all of it I need all of it to myself
So tell me you love me Only for tonight Only for one night, even though you don’t love me oh oh Just tell me you love me I’ll give you what I need I’ll give you all of me, even though you don’t love me oh oh
Harry sighed. The words seeped into his mind. Especially the final part. The, “I’ll give you all of me, even though you don’t love me,” part. The boy frowned and wiped off his tears. Uma doesn’t love him. He needed to face facts and get over it. Starting a new life at Auradon would be just what he needed. He needed to leave this all behind him. He needed to leave Uma once and for all. His classic smirk had once again made an appearance on his face. He was finally ready. He turned around to look to see if Mal was coming, though unfortunately, she was still in her old home. He sighed and kept looking around at the sight of his old home of the isle before he left to leave for his new one. Everywhere he looked he felt more and more grateful to be leaving. He saw dingy looking areas, angry vicious people, and more distasteful things. Although, one thing didn’t look quite distasteful. This thing being a turquoise headed sea witch standing far from the limo.
Harry’s eyes widen at the sight of his former captain standing there. He looked around some more to see if she had brought the crew after her. He found nothing. Just her. And on second glance, he didn’t see her with her sword she kept on her at all times. So to him it was safe to assume she didn’t come out to bring harm. Harry looked at her some more. He looked at her face. The face he had expected was one of anger, though this had not been it. It was rather sad looking. Uma’s eyebrows were raised up in a face of sorrow rather than furrowed in a face of fury.
Harry felt something in him. He felt something. He felt, sorry for her. He tried to shake off the feeling but as he continued to look at that face of hers, it all came back to him. It was just so weird that she would be legitimately sad rather than mad. Didn’t she say she didn’t care about him? Then it all sunk it. She does care! She always did! She was lying! After a moment, Uma started to walk off. A part of him wanted to let her go and another didn’t. He was back at it again battling himself on what he wanted to do. He grew frustrated and groaned.
The three took notice to his groan.
Carlos rubbed his shoulder.
“You okay, man?”
Harry looked at him and then at the rest of them. He didn’t know how to answer. He didn’t want to answer.
He only did the one idea that came across his mind at that moment once again.
He unlocked the door and ran out into the towards Uma. Luckily, his speed was very fast and he managed to make it up to her just in time.
Uma turned around.
“Huh? Oh, uh, hey.”
“Hey, Uma, look I-”
Uma covered his mouth.
“Yeah, I know, you’re leaving with those traitors, go ahead. See if I care.”
“But that’s the thing, though, you do!”
Uma cocked an eyebrow.
“You clearly care! I jus’ saw you starin’ at the limo, you knew I was in there. And you just, stared. You didn’t try to fight or nothin’, you just, stared.”
“U-Uh, so what? Just ‘cause I look at you it means I care about you? Get real, Harry.”
“For Pete’s sake Uma, you literally came out here to watch me join sides with your enemy’s team. If you didn’t care you would’ve just stayed at the restaurant.”
Uma paused. He was right and she knew it. Harry then continued.
“And, if you caring about me is true, then, I’m sure you loving me could be as well, hm?”
Uma’s cheeked grew warm as a rising blush grew.
“I, uhm, I,”
Harry gently put his palm to Uma’s face and lifted her head up. His eyes met hers. He then spoke in a gentle tone.
“Just tell me you love me.”
“I-I, I love you!”
With that Uma brought her face to Harry’s locking lips with the boy. The two stood like that for moments on end, the rain from above pouring on them. And the two would’ve stayed liked that had they not been interrupted.
Mal walked to them, spray paints in hand.
“So, I guess, you’re staying here, huh?”
Harry broke apart from Uma.
“Guess so, love on the isle has gotta exist somehow.”
“And we’re gonna be the ones to make it happen.”
The two chuckled and leaned back into their passionate kiss. Leaving a groaning Mal to watch.
“A blind date to the Golden Globes? How blasphemous!”
You roll your eyes as your stylist helped you into your
dress, (Naeem Khan from two years ago. “Risky,”
he’d told you, “but gorgeous.”) the amount of fabric overwhelming you and
second guessing how to get in it. From behind, you Marcus pulled back your hair
to keep the intricate stitching from getting pulled.
“So, has he been to the Globes before,” he asks, seeming to
be both in front of you and behind you as you struggle into the gown. “Has he
been more times than you?”
The way he said been
felt like he meant has he won a globe,
unlike you? But you tried shoved the feeling off. Pursing your lips to show
that you were at least the teensiest bit offended, Marcus caught your gesture,
and immediately backed away from you.
“I didn’t mean any shade, Y/N,” he said clearly, fluffing
the bottom of your gown to get the static out. “I’m just asking if he’s jittery
“Well it is a blind date, Marcus,” you explained, and he
returned your earlier eye roll. “But Louise tells me he’s been nominated four
“Four?” Marcus’ voice was loud, looking up at you with wide
eyes. “Is he old?”
“Not that much older than me, I don’t think.” The more you thought
about the information your agent had told you, the less cryptic it seemed. You
could easily Google “actors with four golden globe nominations” and come up
with a pretty good list of people that you might have your arm around for the
Either way, showing up with someone who had four solid
nominations under their belt was quite steeling. You’d been (a slightly less impressive) three
times, being nominated for best television comedy series. You wondered if your
date was in television like you, or if he was a director, or a movie actor.
Perhaps he was a fellow writer and creator. (although,
you were pretty versed in the world of TV writers and creators, and any date
would not be a surprise)
These thoughts ran through your head, even up until the
moment you would meet. A limo stretched its way toward you, the windows dim and
rolled up. You felt like you were in a prom movie, your mysterious date rolling
up, fixing his tux behind the tinted glass while he looked you over.
You opened the door to get in yourself, hands slippery with
sweat against the slick black door. The driver was yelling your name as he
tried to get it open himself, but everything paused when the occupant inside
slowly pushing it open.
“wow,” was the first thing you heard him say, in a British
accent no less. There was nothing else in your mind but that word, your entire
body frozen as you lifted your eyes.
In a brown suit (not those
tragic, faded looking dark brown suits. It’s a shiny coffee color, as rich as
his eyes) sat Tom Holland, locks of auburn hair unslicked and parting
around his face. He looked as young as when you’d seen him for the first time.
His ageless face finally turned to yours, a smile making him
light up, a glow about his entire being. You were hallway leaning into the car,
grabbing at the bottom of your dress to stuff it into the backseat. He was
chuckling, which you didn’t consider all that bad. You were a comedy writer
after, and what was life without a few laughs.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” he started, but you waved him
“It’s my job to be funny. Glad I could entertain you,” he laughed
again at your good-natured joke. Perhaps a blind date to an award show wasn’t
such a bad idea.
At least, this is what Louis keeps telling himself as he packs suitcase upon suitcase to head to Los Angeles for an undetermined amount of time. He shoves a fourth pair of Vans into his bag, trying and failing to get the suitcase zipper shut as Zayn continues to argue for the millionth time that Louis could have said no, that he didn’t have to agree to this. But Louis shakes his head. He can’t back out, not now. It’s basically a challenge at this point, one he doesn’t intend to back down from.
The thing that strikes me the most in the Pilot episode, especially after watching the extended pilot and recalling the whole arc in season 2, is how much of Harold in the pilot is performative. He’s a drama queen too, he knows the power of imagery. He meets John by the Brooklyn Bridge, in his best suit and had John fetched by a limo and then he meets Shaw in an abandoned building that, I assume, is one of many of his properties, and then with Carter he also orchastrates the meeting in a way that would leave an impression with Carter, same with Fusco, to a limited effect, and with Zoe.
Meeting with Zoe though was less performative since, I think he knows Zoe can see through him and already knows about him.
The only people he doesn’t meet in his own terms are Root and Greer. In both cases he is the victim.
But I digress, the thing I’m most fascinated about is the idea that the story Harold told John is not true, he promised John he wouldn’t lie to him and yet, in the first meeting he embellishes his story. Maybe because he knows that the truth won’t fly with John, maybe because he doesn’t know John enough yet. In this regard, he and Root are similar in their introductions.
They both tell a story about themselves that’s not exactly the truth.
(BTW, I just wanted to put a disclaimer that I love Harold, sometimes I’m annoyed as hell with him but at the end of the day I still love him. I find his whole character fascinating and complex and his foibles interesting and understandable– which is not the same as thinking that he is always right and justified. I think he is human as everyone else and that’s what I love about the show.)
Harold tells John he bought the library because it was the ‘decline of Western civilization’, which is true to an extent. Its true he bought it but its not true that he let it fall into limbo because of an ulterior motive. He let it fall into limbo because he forgot about the library. Nathan had to remind him about this:
Nathan: “You following me now? Is that what we’ve been reduced to?”
Harold: “You didn’t return my call. I simply thought–”
Nathan: “It’s never "simply” with you, Harold. There’s always two layers to everything you do. You’re worried that I’m a liability. You don’t trust me.“
Harold: "This isn’t exactly the kind of place that inspires trust, Nathan.”
Nathan: “[Laughs] You bought it. Don’t you remember? You thought it was a tragedy the city was shutting down libraries. "The decline of western civilization,” you said. You made me buy 15 of them, you said we’d find something to do with them eventually.“
2x21 - Zero Day
Harold has, in his possession, 15 libaries and probably in various states of disrepair because he forgot that he owned them.
The very presence of Nathan Ingram in the series is a debunking of almost everything Harold told John about himself.
Harold claimed the Irrelevant list ‘ate at him’, or maybe it did, but Harold never showed it while Nathan was around but in the very second episode we learn that Harold didn’t really build the Machine alone, or at least that Nathan provided some help even if the main engineer who toiled at the Machine was Harold and then we learn that the Irrelevant list didn’t haunt him as much when he made a decision to delete the whole list. Its a stance he stuck with for years.
Nathan: "When were you going to tell me?”
Harold: “I wasn’t gonna tell you, I guess. I’d rather I didn’t know myself.”
Nathan: “All these people. And this damn machine knew. You knew… That someone wanted to harm them, kill them… And you did nothing?”
Harold: “You knew what we were building here. This thing looks for plotters, for schemers. It looks for malicious intent. We built it to stop terrorists before they could act. But a machine doesn’t understand the difference between those crimes that are relevant to national security and the ones that are irrelevant. Irrelevant?”
Nathan: “So you taught it the difference? You want to play God? Is that the deal? No, I don’t. That’s the whole point. There are exactly eight people in the world that know that this thing exists. If anyone else ever found out, there’d be such an outcry… They’d turn it off. The intelligence the machine produces has already foiled a half dozen major terrorist plots.”
Nathan: “How are we supposed to live with this, knowing that someone out there needs help?”
Harold: “Well, we don’t have to. I’ve coded the machine. Every night at midnight, it deletes the irrelevant list. We didn’t build this to save somebody. We built it to save everybody.”
1x02 - Ghosts
By the end of Zero Day and God Mode we finally get the true story about the Harold we meet in the Pilot. Its a dismantling of the story he liked to show the world (John).
He claimed to have cared a lot earlier than he did but the truth was Harold didn’t let the Irrelevant list bother him for a long time. He had to make a decision building the Machine and he committed to that decision. He felt secure in the knowledge while he can’t help a few people, he could at least save a great many more.
Even Harold’s: 'Everybody is relevant to someone.’ isn’t originally his. It was Nathan’s. Just like Alicia Corwin was Nathan’s friend and not Harold’s.
(When he told the guy in Proteus he was an amateur at being someone else, he knew where he was speaking from. Its another thing he and Root have in common– the ability to be someone else.)
He took up the Irrelevant list cause as both tribute to Nathan and as penance. He is still operating on the guilt that he could have done something to prevent Nathan and a group of people from dying.
And then Harold articulates it in The Devil’s Share:
Doctor: “I’ve been working with the survivors of the ferry bombing earlier this year. Their trauma is similar to yours. More extreme, of course. Many of them experience a sense of responsibility for what happened.”
Harold: “Survivor’s guilt. I’m familiar.”
Doctor: “Well, then you’re also familiar with what I’m about to say next– that you think your friend’s death was your fault. Otherwise, you’d have to face a very painful truth.”
Harold: “Which is what?”
Doctor: “That you are not God. You don’t control who lives or dies. That powerlessness also means that your friend’s death is not your fault. I assure you, Mr. Wren, in time, the guilt you feel will pass.”
Harold: “Let me ask you a question then. Does survivor’s guilt pass when everything that has happened actually is, in fact, your fault?”
3x10 - The Devil’s Share
How awful it is to know that the reason why people died was because of you, literally was because of you, that he erased the very list that could have been instrumental to saving all the people in the Ferry and Nathan.
Two horrific events marked a chance in Harold’s adult life and it changed him forever, the first instance he changed the world with him and the second changed him from just someone who cared in an abstract way to someone who believed every individual mattered. It was a hard and harsh lesson he had to learn.
Root, and sometimes Shaw and John, particularly in Death Benefit trying to get him to think of the bigger picture? Its not something he has trouble doing, but he is actively fighting against that part of himself. Harold from one extreme to another without finding the middle ground.
I really love how season 2 turned everything Harold said around. Just like the way the extended pilot and then Terra Incognita showed that how much about Jessica being the 'one that got away’ was just a story John told himself.