the limerick

DM: The only way you’re playing a bard in this campaign is if you speak entirely in limericks.

Me, a poet: The dust, you’ll wish you bit
                   When my character was green-lit.
                   This won’t be that hard,
                   Playing yon bard,
                   Challenge accepted, you sack of shit.

DM: I swear to fucking god.

2

Castle Matrix, County Limerick, Ireland

This castle was built in 1460 for Earls of Desmond.  It was the scene of the murder of James, 9th Earl of Desmond, by his servants who were instigated by James’ brother. Other well known people who stayed there are the English poet, Edmund Spenser and Sir Walter Raleigh. The castle was eventually granted to the Southwells, who added a wing in 1610. It was captured by the Irish in 1641 and was eventually taken by Cromwellians in 1651. The castle was renovated in the 1970s.

anonymous asked:

What's the best dirty limerick you've ever heard?

Oh God, there’s so many. I have a book of like 1000 dirty limericks from 1700-1900 and they’re pretty much all great. My favorites that I have memorized are these:

Poor nymphomaniacal Alice
used a dynamite stick as a phallus.
They found her vagina
in North Carolina
and her asshole at Buckingham Palace.

There once was a buggar from Como,
who suddenly cried, “Ecce Homo!”
He chased the man down
to the center of town
and gobbled him off in the Duomo. 

Ireland vs Storm Ophelia

Okay so thought I’d let you tumblr guys know some stuff/warnings about Storm Ophelia

  • It’s due to hit Monday 16th (aka tomorrow). Apparently Kerry will face it around 6am.
  • There is a red weather warning for Galway, Mayo, Clare, Cork and Kerry, Limerick, Waterford and Wexford.
  • The rest of the country has an Orange weather warning but that can probably change so be aware
  • There is a high chance of power cuts so remember to get lots of bottled water, torches, candles etc.
  • Charge your phone to 100% and if there are power outages DO NOT use your phone in case you need it for an emergency. Read a book instead or something.
  • In case of floods protect all important documents and stuff. Put all valuable items in high presses.
  • Stock up on food too (Last time we had a storm this bad we forgot to buy food for the house and it was awful)
  • For people who have anxiety about the storm remember that this is only temporary weather and do whatever you can to keep yourself calm. Whether that is reading, drawing or keeping yourself busy by cleaning the house. The storm won’t last forever and I promise you’ll be safe.
  • Check whether or not your school/work has been cancelled to avoid any unnecessary travel

Okay that’s all I can think of at the moment but if anyone wants to add anything to the list feel free to write away. Stay safe Xx