the life of the tumblr addict

Finally got around to watching Moonlight… and it’s on indefinite pause about halfway through while I get my shit together.

I thought it was about a gay black kid growing up.

It’s about about a gay black child of a fucking drug addict.

I was not prepared for the flashbacks to my childhood, thanks. Especially the heart wrenching, deeply familiar struggle with loving and looking up to someone who fucking provides the very mechanism by which your life is destroyed.

jfc

REAL TALK: since we’re talking about fandom and age

let me just get this out of the way, i do not condone or encourage underage followers on my blog. but ultimately i know i can’t enforce anything. however, since i know you’re here, i wrote this for you. i hope you read it.

so… to any of you are kids under 18- and you are kids- read this post carefully and take it to heart. know that i am writing this based on my own experiences as well as many, many others’


  • there is a lot of content that concerns kids under 16 having sex with full-grown adults. please don’t take this as normal, outside of fiction. people who write/draw these things are usually similarly underage people who don’t yet grasp how unhealthy these dynamics are in real life, or adults who fetishize the content because they realize how unhealthy it is in real life.


  • please realize you are not the same person you will be a few years down the road. don’t assume you know everything about yourself or about the world.


  • please don’t be in a rush to prove yourself as an adult. there is plenty of time for that. i know you’re getting underestimated at every corner, and that you probably aren’t even reading this because i referred to you as a kid. i know it’s infuriating. but it’s also very powerful to be underestimated. you are always in a position to prove people wrong by simply being true to yourself.


  • stay away from any adult who says you are “mature for your age” as an excuse for their behavior.


  • stay away from any adult who knows your age and still tries to initiate romance or sexual conversation with you. there is no exception. no matter how nice or sensitive or pushy they are.


  • no is a full sentence.


  • you are not more or less mature based on the fics you read, the roleplays you participate in, etc. 


  • fandom is where adults, both mentally healthy and unhealthy, cope/vent/fantasize through content. what you’re seeing fictional characters say/do is not an accurate portrayal of society. real life is not a porno or a beautifully broken emo paradise. people are rarely sociopaths, sex addicts or saints. fan work is heightened reality and it is usually self-indulgent. don’t base your views on the world based on what you see on a03/tumblr/whatever you kids are using.


  • anyone who is on tumblr for 10+ hours every day is using it as an outlet.


  • don’t expect adults to act like adults. a lot of them will disappoint you.


  • be the bigger person. take the moral high ground. it may not feel as fun, but it’s the better choice.


  • don’t assume anyone knows your age. mention it when you can. if it discourages contact, don’t take it personally.


  • realize there is shit you just don’t understand. not because you’re dumb, but because you don’t have the experience yet. these are two very different things.


  • don’t let anyone make you feel like shit just because you were born later than them.


  • on the other hand, if someone older than you wants you to understand something you don’t yet understand, listen. it doesn’t feel good to be out of the loop, i know, but in life lessons aren’t always easy to come by.


  • there are people in every youth-adjacent fandom who actively search for sensitive, precocious young people and exploit them. these people are nearly always charming, intelligent and good listeners. if an adult wants to get very close to someone who hasn’t even completed puberty, you should question why. take their every word with a grain of salt. no matter how smart you are, they have an agenda and can outfox you. abuse isn’t always a dark figure in the corner whispering murderous things in your ear. usually, abuse comes in the form of someone very close to you doing things you won’t even notice except in hindsight.


  • there are also adults who genuinely do care about you and can act as mentors or surrogate older siblings. if you insist on talking to people much older than you, know the difference.


  • don’t lie about your age in order to get adults to talk to you. this puts people in a potentially illegal situation and endangers you.


  • block anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable. you don’t owe yourself or anyone else an explanation. trust your intuition. 


(this post is okay to reblog!)

You were the drug I was addicted to, slowly getting high off of you
Just one more touch I could lose control, sending me off to an overdose
You were the muse I was inspired by, making me believe not all angels fly
Because some get lost in this world, on their way back to heaven’s door
—  Prettymuchgay

“I was addicted to you from the very beginning”

Day 241

Sometimes all you have to do is to decide, then stick to that decision no matter what. Don’t ask why, don’t look back, don’t dissect what should be, or what can be, or why you shouldn’t. Just decide. Then live it, breathe it, die with it.
—  cynthia go // Just decide
i realised
maybe a bit too late
that i still love you
but this is for the best of my sanity, i suppose
after all, there are two ways drugs kill by
overdose and sudden withdrawal
—  and you killed me twice // inkbledtimberscraps
Addict

one more time
this is it
you swore on your life

one more hit
one more sip
one more cut

this last memory

wait a week
maybe a few days
back to your habits

smoking
drinking
cutting

and you said you were fine

I have always been very attracted to danger.
I guess some call me an adrenaline junkie, but its more than that.
I crave things most people are too afraid to do, I am attracted to people others are too afraid to speak to.
I try to keep my reckless behavior to a minimum, I really do.
I try to be less impulsive, more structured, but I just get so bored.
I guess at the end of the day some of us run with lions and some of us run away from them.
I will never be the latter.
—  Danger // Alexandra 
2

LGBT+ MASTERLIST PROJECT BY ROCIO @nuevayor​

Week One: TELEVISION
Week Two: MOVIES
Week Three: BOOKS
Week Four: POETRY
Week Five: MUSIC
Week Six: COMICS
Week Seven: DOCUMENTARIES
Week Eight: PODCASTS
Week Ten: HISTORY
Week Eleven: RESOURCES
Week Twelve: THANK YOU + GOODBI

Week Nine: Hello again and welcome back to the LGBT+ Masterlist Project!

I had originally named this post ‘BLOGS + VLOGS’ but after the overwhelming amount of suggestions specific to YouTube channels, I figured to dedicate this week’s post entirely to YouTubers. Voilà, here we are!

The genres vary this week, as always. We’ve got beauty vlogs, lifestyle vlogs, cooking vlogs, music vlogs, talk show set ups, and a bunch of other types of content! One thing is for sure, and the whole point of this entire project: these are all LGBT+ YouTubers. A lot of them are here on Tumblr too! So I added their @’s for you as well. 

If you think I’ve mislabeled someone (as in, if I have put them in this list or in the gifs above when they aren’t LGBT+), please tell me immediately as there’s nothing I value more than accuracy - I will be sure to follow up. In addition! If you’ve got recs, don’t hesitate to send them my way (particularly LGBT+ YouTubers who are people of color - I was underwhelmed to see the vast yet not so diverse YouTube vlogging landscape when it came to popularity.)

Next week: LGBT+ HISTORY - a compilation of academic journals, articles, autobiographies, YouTube videos, and other types of media that cover the long and too often glossed over history of the vast and diverse LGBT+ community. If you have any recommendations, send them my way!

Enjoy: LGBT+ YOUTUBERS

  • Pero Like - “Pero, like… You know what we mean. Weekly videos of tu vida.” A Latinx-oriented vlog in which one of the YouTubers is Salvadoran and gay, but LGBT topics are not the main thing they vlog about
  • Shannon @now-this-is-living​ & Cammie @the-2nd-star-to-the-right on their channel nowthisisliving - A lesbian couple who are “just sharing [their] story/love/life with anyone who wants to listen”
  • Claudia Boleyn - A bisexual YouTuber who makes videos about mental health and social justice issues
  • Miles Jai  (giffed above) - Posts improv sketches, parodies, “beauty tutorials”, as well as vlogs
  • Kat Blaque @katblaque (giffed above) - “Opinion Vlogger, Children’s Illustrator and Thrift Store Addict”
  • Sara @rnashallah(giffed above) - Totally not putting her up here because we’ve been mutuals on Tumblr for like mad long and I’m just very fond of Sara as a person. She vlogs about her life and tbh that alone is worth a sub in my book!
  • Eileen W. @peeves(giffed above) - Another good friend of mine (let me live). HILARIOUS, sarcastic, honest, and is pretty much always there to Validate You, so support her and subscribe!
  • Marina Watanabe @marinashutup​ (giffed above) - “Part time feminist vlogger, full time sass machine. Biracial, bisexual, bipedal.”
  • Kid Fury @signedfury - “Born in Miami and raising hell in New York City, Kid Fury is a media mouthpiece with a whole lot of nerve. This channel is one of many avenues Fury uses to cover life, pop culture and more with a unique and sharp flare of truth, shade, and fuckery.”
  • AriFitz @itsarifitz - Lifestyle + style vlog

Keep reading