the life of a self hating narcissist is hard

For all the people who fear they’ll never get over someone:

Few years ago, I was missing someone so badly I couldn’t not think about them. For 2 years after they were gone, they were in my thoughts every. single. day. I wondered if I could die from missing someone that much. I cried myself to sleep for months and months. I didn’t feel like I could exist in a world where they don’t care if I’m alive or not. I couldn’t have thoughts that didn’t lead back to them. I couldn’t stop connecting everything to them. I couldn’t help having hundreds of imaginary conversations with them in my head, I couldn’t stop living what they taught me, believing what they taught me. I felt like they were such a huge part of me, I couldn’t be without them. I felt like I was just an empty shell made to contain them and without them I had no purpose. I felt I must be worthless beyond hope because I tried so hard for them and yet they abandoned me likes I was nothing.

Today? There’s not anyone I miss. Also I hate that narcissistic piece of shit that hurt me so deeply there was almost nothing of me left by the time they abandoned me. And all shit they taught me were lies and brainwashing I crawled my way out of once I gained self compassion and critical mind. All of that can be crawled out of. Even attachment so strong it feels stronger than your life, can be resolved. You are someone even if there’s nobody by your side. Your experiences hold weight even if there’s nobody to confirm them. Your feelings have a value even if nobody is enjoying them but you. The pain you feel is real, even if everyone acts like it shouldn’t be there. And you’re allowed to be angry at anything that hurt you, no matter how dear you once held it.