the leg sticking out

Another humans are weird/space orcs idea that came to me while trying to drink water upside down:

Humans are apex predators. We’re unbreakable and relentless and legion and lethal. Nothing gets to us- except us.

It’s the stupidest little things that can stop up a human.

Many aliens have theorized about this. Perhaps with no natural enemies, the species tried to threaten them with themselves in a desperate search for some kind of challenge. Maybe it’s cosmic karma for being nigh unstoppable. Maybe they had transcended so much that the nuances of life were tiny and incomprehensible to them. Maybe it’s natural selection trying to thin the herd.

Whichever the cause, it’s a strange combination of disturbing and amusing to see a human be defeated by itself. It’s a little alarming to see the most resilient and powerful species in the universe be completely shut down with things that pale in comparison to their normal challenges.

Seeing a human function almost completely fully with several broken bones… but absolutely crippled and reduced to using one arm when faced with a large hangnail.

My dad broke his leg in a snowmobile accident in such a way that the bone was sticking out of his leg. He crawled a half mile in the snow to the nearest house to ask for help. But when he stubs his toe on the coffee table every few weeks, it’ll bring him to his knees.

I recently got a double conch piercing done- two massive needles shoved through the thickest cartilage in my ear, one right after the other. I’ve got 5 other piercings. None, not even the conch, hurt as much as getting a single hair yanked out of my head.

I see people eat some of the world’s hottest foods all laced with capsaicin which can kill things, and drink alcohol that’s literally poisonous, and break pen cases with their teeth. But a too cold slush drink? Unable to talk or move, head between the knees, for about two minutes, because brain freeze. Or, better yet, sometimes we literally choke on spit. Nearly asphyxiate. Because we regularly ‘swallow down the wrong hole’. 

Alien: Why did you say, last month, that your broken ribs and arm and massive blood loss was ‘fine’, but when you got a paper cut today, you cried for ten minutes and now still refuse to unwrap your wound? It is tiny in comparison to some things that you’ve faced without hesitation.

Human: Honestly it’s really stupid and I don’t really know, but I will swear up and down and until the day I die, a broken bone hurts way less than a paper cut.

Alien: But… no. It’s not worse. It… that doesn’t make sense.

Human: I know, right? But it’s true. 

Some really good things in Voltron Legendary Defender:

  • Hunk’s big strong hands and the very delicate motions he makes with them
  • the way Keith’s voice squeaks sometimes if he’s trying to raise his voice (see: “We had a bonding moment!”)
  • How in the episode Shiro’s Escape Shiro woke up from remembering his time in captivity to the entire team smiling at him and happy to see him.
  • How super nonjudgmental Lance was about Keith not getting the cheer, like. corrects him gently
  • Allura. just Allura. she is everything childhood me aspired to. She is an actual disney princess who can crush space-age metal with her bare hands. Has mice friends. Is a terrifyingly powerful sorceress. 
  • The whole fact that Shiro is a hugger, like. season 3 wishlist: I want to see Shiro hug everyone on the team at least once. Since Hunk is also a hugger they get The Best Hug. 
  • How sad Pidge and Hunk were to split up in Belly Of The Weblum
  • Basically as early as s1e2 Coran just has this gaggle of aliens show up in his house and his response is to basically just adopt them all. You know who’s the real Space Dad on this ship. He has juice boxes
  • I mean look at this proud dad, presiding paternally over his strange space children. (also Keith, my boy, why are you sticking only one leg out like that)
  • Pidge’s space caterpillar friends
  • Everyone’s laser sound effects
  • The Lions are ancient super powerful beings but basically everyone on the team has adopted this very affectionate gentle way of talking to them and it’s just the most endearing thing ever. 
Quiet - Bucky x Reader - One Shot

Originally posted by deniz-is-a-witch


A/N -  Thanks so much for the ongoing support for all the one shots I keep spamming you guys with. Any requests would be appreciated 

Bucky x Reader - Bucky gets jealous over Steve’s constant need to save you.

Warnings: Fluff, mentions of smut.

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Park Chanyeol//Liquid Truth


Summary: You and Chanyeol go way back, and are best friends. It’s become routine for you to come over to the dorms whenever you have a fight with your boyfriend, but lately, he’s been pissed off at you, and you’re not quite sure why.
Scenario: angst, fluff
Word Count: 6,917

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anonymous asked:

Headcanon: Yuri likes to wear provocative clothes to tease Otabek when he is alone with him.

Not even just when he is alone with him, I suspect. 

Sometimes he leaves the house in these little outfits that are barely decent. Gauzy little shirts or over sized ones that keep slipping off his shoulder, tops that are way too cropped and so tight you can see his nipple piercings through. Jean shorts in summer that look about two sizes to small as he casually sticks his ass out, leaning on the counter of the local ice cream parlour, sucking on a Popsicle. Pleather pants, so low his hipbones stick out. Leggings so tights they look spray-painted. Thigh highs that don’t even cover up the marks Otabek left the previous night.

Humans are space Orcs

So I’m going to toss in one of these cus why not.
What if all aliens just don’t get the concept of “Pets”

Year of the Gu'meks: 34458, 45, 3
Human year: 2254, 11, 15
Today I was assigned as the new ambassador to Earth. I have gone through most of the lessons of human quirks, but I still have to go through “Pets”, and “The will to survive” I have no idea what pets are, but I have a good idea what “the will to survive” is.

Year of the Gu'meks: 34458, 45, 4
Human year: 2254, 11, 15
I have borded the Human vessel “Edmonton” in order to be transported to Earth. I have met the Human ambassador on bord, and she is in charge of teaching me the concept of “pets” Her name is Alexadra. She is very kind, but the fact that femal humans always have their teets, even when not nursing child, confuses me. If evolution was slightly different on Gu'mek, perhaps we would to.
It also baffles me that Humans are the only spiecis that the name of the spiecis is not realed to their planet.

Suplement
Almost as soon as I was done writing my log, Alexandra came to me and said she wanted me to meet someone named “Doug”
It turns out Doug is on of these “pets”. He is a domesticated Earth canine. Alexandra explained that humans keep domesticated animals as companions. I guess being the “Apex preditor” of your planet has its advantages. She also explained that hundreds of human years ago they used these animals to help hunt, and still do.
I do not understand why humans still hunt, now that they have had farms on their planet for hundreds of years, and access to food replcation technology for about 96 years.

Year of Gu'mek 34..why am I doing this, no one is going to find us.
We crashed of Tummaah 4, and everybody exept Alex and her dog, and obviously me, has died. Alex has told me that now I shall see this “will to survive” humans are so famous for.

It has been 20 days scince the crash, and I have given up on rescue. When I brought this up with Alex, she simlpy stated “then we will make this hellhole our home”

Day 50.
We have built a crude house out of the wreckage of the ship. Alex is sad about the loss of the ship. She said it was named after her home city.

Day 61
DISASTER. A brutal storm struck and completely destroyed the house we resided in. A peice of debrie landed on Alex and Doug, wounding them both. Alex completely disregarded her own injuries to treat Doug. Her injuries I may add, were quite extensive(broken leg, cracked rips, and a piece of debrie sticking out OF HER STOMACH.) This. This is the human will to survive. Alex, after making sure Doug was comfortable, finaly started treating herself.
I would try to help, but I know little about human physiology.

Day 70.
We have re-built the shelter, and even after all of her injuries, she insisted on hunting for food, despite the fact I offered to do it. She told me “I can still go out and hunt. Yes it will be painful, yes it will be harder than normal without Doug by my side, but I can do it. You on the other hand…well the Gu'mek are not that stealthy. You evolved to blend in with rocks and such, Humanity evolved to hunt. Now stay here and make sure Doug gets enough water, he is very sick, and I don’t want to lead anyone else.”

Day 100.
A ship has found us!! Its landing..ITS THE QUA'TALL

We have been on the run for 5 days. Alex came up with a crazy plan. Take the Qua'tall ship. Its a ship of 50. We are 2. 3 if you include the dog. Alex told me that if she can get one of their guns, she can do it by herself.

We did it. We have a gun. Doug and I are to stay here while Alex goes out. If she dies, I am to care for Doug as long as I can. He is aparently 12 years old, and dogs live for about 14.

IT WAS AMAZING. Alex has killed all of them. That was the human will to survive. It was amazing, she was hit multiple times. She just got up and kept going. We are now on the ship, and heading for Allied space.


Ok so this turned into something completely different and long.
But hey thats my addition to this tag.

NCT as the Mafia + How He Met You

||| Requested by anon |||

A/N: I decided to only do the members who had already debuted and no one under 17 (Jaemin is an exception, his bday is soon 😂) and this still turned out longer than I expected 😂


Lee Taeyong

Originally posted by dovounq

  • The leader and founder of the gang, responsible for practically everything and everyone need to report to him whatever they’re doing
  • Tends to regret his decision to even start this because more and more members join every year and he realized that he will have to take care of them even if he’s dead and can often be seen staring into nothing, thinking about this
  • Since he’s the one who came up with this ‘genius’ idea, he was caught by the police a number of times practically every time they did any petty crime when they first started out
  • But now they got so good at this, that they even have bribed officials working in their favour

You both broke into the same building, at the same time and both got arrested ten minutes later. You even ended up in the same cell for 48 hours until someone came and bailed you two out. While you were waiting, you bickered and blamed each other for being the reason the other got caught but since Taeyong already had his gang, it wasn’t long since Taeil came to get him out as opposed to you, who had no one.

“Taeyong, you’re out! But I swear if I catch you again I will put you in for good!” the police officer said. 

“Yeah yeah,” he stood up and went to the door before stopping. “Taeil, pay for her as well, we’re taking her with us.”


Moon Taeil

Originally posted by jonqins

  • Takes care of the gang’s legal stuff (like money and documents) and hides the illegal
  • Is the one who gets the others out of trouble and everyone needed his help at some point
  • Scouts for new members despite Taeyong begging him not to
  • But they have to fit his high standards
  • At first he was really against this whole gang thing
  • But now he’s like the mother of the group

He met you when he came to bail Taeyong out.

“I’m not using our money on her. How do you even know if she will be a valuable asset to the team?”

“She’s going. That’s it,” Taeyong ordered and he didn’t dare argue with him when he’s angry. He kept glaring at you every time he saw you but you exceeded all of his expectations and welp I sense a love triangle


Johnny/Seo Youngho

Originally posted by ohbaibeeitsyou

  • Finally got into the gang after 9 years of begging proving himself
  • He has yet to find out what his job really is
  • Was so happy when they trusted him with a deal, he screwed it up immediately
  • Before he even joined, he somehow got himself caught in a fight between EXO’s Sehun and Seventeen’s Jeonghan, even though he had practically nothing to do with it and it was mostly Sehun’s fault but that’s for later

While he was waiting in the dungeon to be accepted, he often went to this shooting range to practice but you always beat him and it annoyed him to no end, so one time he made a bet with you, if he gets in (he was boasting to you about the gang) or wins against you, you will have to go on a date with him.

“Well at this point I don’t think you will ever join that gang and I don’t see you ever winning against me either, so why not?” you laughed.

“Watch me,” he smirked, as he was about to tell you he’s in.


Nakamoto Yuta

Originally posted by nakamotens

  • Like Doyoung he’s an assassin/hitman, except he’s the real deal
  • He prefers silent weapons, like snipers and often stays in the shadows (something he learned from Ten)
  • Not everyone can hire him and he only takes very well paid jobs
  • Despite the things he does, he gets scared very easily by stupid things

Someone set you up and hired both of you to kill each other, hoping neither of you will survive. After chasing, fighting and avoiding you for over a month, someone leaked information to him what’s this all really about and he decided that it would be best to join up and find the one who hired you two. Now his only problem was proving to you that he’s telling the truth and stopping you from shooting him dead. That will be difficult though because once you take a job there’s no going back.

“I have to work even faster. I I just stand around doing nothing she will get to me in a blink on an eye.”


Doyoung/Kim Dongyoung

Originally posted by ceohan

  • Very skilled with a wide range of weapons
  • He mostly joined because he wanted to shoot stuff *cough* people *cough*
  • You could call him and ‘assassin’ but he likes to show off his skills, so everybody would know that it was him who took care of things
  • Doesn’t like working with Yuta, their styles are completely different

A fight broke out in a local club and he was searching around the place for any survivors to clean everything once and for all, when he noticed a leg sticking out from under the table. He lifted the tablecloth and saw you sitting there.

“What the hell are you doing here? Did you think you can hid from me?”

“Oh no. I’m not hiding. Quite the opposite! I’m just watching - I mean reading.”

“Really? Reading? In the middle of a shootout?” you just shrugged and he stared at you for a few seconds before dragging you out.

“This is not a place for someone like you, let me help you out of here,” he smirked.


Ten

Originally posted by randomnctgifs

  • He works as a spy for the gang and is so good at his job that he’s practically invisible and a lot of the members think he’s either dead or lost or smth because he’s so rarely seen, maybe once in six months or so
  • Only Taeyong knows what he’s doing at this point
  • One day Yuta saw him in the headquarters and screamed for two minutes straight because he thought he saw a ghost
  • “Oh it’s just you… I thought you were lost on that mission two months ago.”
  • Some days when he’s alone that happens a lot poor baby he wonders: ‘Why don’t we go on missions as a U unit anymore?’; ‘They missed the perfect chance to add me TEN as the tenth member of 127 smh’

He met you completely by accident, when he came back after a few months and somebody though he’s gone for good again and gave you his room. He lifted the covers up, only to see you sleeping in his bed and he was so shocked he stood there still holding the blanket when you still in your sleep took it from him and rolled to the other side.

“Wait… What?” he said, taking it from you again.

“Let me sleep,” you just mumbled.

“Ooh I will let you sleep! For eternity that is, if you don’t explain what you’re doing here!”


Jaehyun/Jung Yoonoh

Originally posted by chittawhoreten

  • That local lover boy not really, who talks his way out of and more often then not into trouble
  • Because of this reason, he strikes the best deals
  • But tends to say too much and ruin them completely, making everything worse and also starting fights in the process

You accompanied him to one of the deals instead of Johnny and immediately realized he was about to start blabbing shit and stopped him before he could do it.

“Are you sure about that?” you asked, throwing him a glare.

“Yes, I’m sure, could you please stop kicking me under the table?.. Wait, who are you anyway?” he asked you.

“Are you serious?” you stood up and dragged him out of the room to show him who you really are and to shut that pretty mouth of his.


WinWin/Dong Sicheng

Originally posted by nctaezen

  • One word. Technology.
  • Need to fix something? He can do it. You need to hack into something? He already did that. A couple of grands from a foreign account? No problem!
  • Members are lowkey scared of him because he had hacked into their accounts multiple of times and uncovered some embarrassing photos, dirty secrets and so on
  • Likes to blackmail people with their sensitive information for money

Trying to beat him at online MMO games was bad idea but it was even worse when you actually won. He threw his computer out of the window almost hitting Jaehyung in the head. He soon got another one out from under the table.

“I would rather die but I will never let somebody crush me like that,” he thought, starting to track your location.


Mark Lee

Originally posted by sekaiveol

  • One of the first members to join the gang
  • Was the youngest at one point and everyone didn’t take him too seriously despite the long ass rides
  • When he finally got better at socializing, he also got better, actually really really good at investigations/infiltrations/collecting information
  • Taeyong often sends him out of the city for a job
  • Hates Donghyuck’s guts lowkey best friends

He met you while working in one of the coffee shops as part of his mission. The moment you walked in, you immediately caught his attention and what other way to get to know you better than to approach you head on.

“A coffee for milday,” he said, putting the cup down on your table.

“I didn’t order any.”

“I know,” he chuckled. “It’s on me.”

You just rolled your eyes and decided to take it. [x]


Huang Renjun

Originally posted by verdonewithyourshit

  • So smol, so soft, protect at all costs
  • If it wasn’t for Donghyuck he wouldn’t be here
  • He was like “Hey! There’s this gang and I’m in it, Mark’s in it, you’re in it.”
  • “Wait what?” he just blinked a few times.
  • And now he’s here, still a bit lost and not sure what he’s doing exactly
  • Not yet too enthusiastic about all this

He hasn’t met you yet or rather you haven’t (officially) because he has been hiding. He is very impressed but also afraid of you at the same time. When you try to talk to him, he runs away.

“Why does he run away? Is he scared or something?” you asked Jeno.

“He tells everyone that you have this strong aura around you and he can’t handle the pressure very well,” he shrugged. what does that even mean I have no idea


Lee Jeno

Originally posted by haecha

  • The voice of reason in the gang
  • Often questions what the hell are they even doing
  • “How can we call ourselves a gang? We’re not even intimidating”
  • “You can’t just say we are the mafia because you think it sounds cool”
  • Helps Taeil keep everyone in check
  • Secretly enjoys stealing cars and driving around, until he crashes them which happens soon after

He saw you sneaking around, trying to steal from them and casually approached you.

“I’m sorry but who the heck might you be?”

You stood up from the door you were about to pick a lock from and started walking in the opposite direction like nothing happened. He came up to you in quick steps.

“Oh no no no, you don’t get to leave as if everything is okay. Come with me,” he said, trying to drag you inside.


Haechan/Lee Donghyuck

Originally posted by haenyan

  • Is very experienced in making explosives because he has been researching them ever since he first saw a war movie
  • Likes to make a grand entrance when a fight with other gangs break out
  • Everyone tells him no to because it just draws more attention to them that way but  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • Thinks almost every person in the gang is a big loser
  • Except for Mark
  • He’s the biggest loser of them all
  • Even when he’s out on a mission, he calls him just to tease him

You walked into the mine field he set up for a test but he didn’t feel like blowing you up since he was in a good mood.

“Don’t move!” he shouted to you.

“I’m just passing by, what’s your problem?”

“I think you have more problems than me,” he said, pointing at the ground. You looked down and noticed a mine below your feet. 

“Is that what I think it is?”

“Yes.”

“And? Will you help me or will you just stand there?”

“It depends on what I can get in return…”


Na Jaemin

Originally posted by jaehyunsleatherpants

  • Despite being the youngest, he for some reason was really persistent to get into the gang
  • “I’m not taking in a bunch of children, this is not a kindergarten,” Taeyong said as he took him in how is he the leader? he’s too soft smh
  • Doesn’t talk much and doesn’t share what he’s doing (which brakes the rules btw but who cares)
  • The others have yet to find out what is the real reason the joined

You found everything that he does suspicious ever since high school, so one day you followed him and saw what he was hiding all this time. He noticed you soon after though. He grabbed you by the arm and sat you down in one of the nearby chairs.

“Now you be quiet and listen to me very carefully, if you ever as much as think about what you saw here…”

“What?” you retorted. “I’m so scared! What happens to me then?”

“You better not find out…”


All in all, NCT is not yet very well coordinated as a gang but they’re getting there 😂

Skittles and Soulmates (Reddie)

I got a request on my other blog that was supposed to go here, but I accidently posted a Reddie request advertisement on there yesterday, Whoops. Anyway, here’s the oneshot.

Request: Hi! I was wondering if you could do a Reddie soulmate AU! One where you are unable to lie to your soulmate, but that doesn’t start until you know who your soulmate is. So like maybe they also get matching tattoos that don’t appear until the two soulmates share a significant experience (like facing pennywise). Then when the tattoos appear that is when they are unable to lie to each other? Idk if that males since and you can tweak it if you need to. Thank you!!

Pairing: Reddie

Warnings: Swearing

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You know what I find really hurtful about Solavellan? That fact that when Lavellan reaches out to him in sadness, he wards her off as though his life depends on it.

Even when she is no longer reaching for him, he is guarding himself against her sadness.

But he does nothing to guard himself from her anger.

The most he does is windmill his arms the very first time she shoves him, and after that he just sticks a leg out to brace himself. But he allows her to shove him. Again and again.

He takes her physical attack with nothing but a sad expression.

But her sadness causes him to put up a panicked guard.

Basically, Solas is more afraid of allowing her to touch him in sadness than he is of allowing her to strike him in anger. I firmly believe his resolve would’ve broken if she had managed to grab him. here come the tears

Work it Out •P1•

Bucky x Reader

Masterlist

Summary: after pulling a muscle on a mission, you need to stretch out your leg while working out. But you need help to do so. There’s only one person around to help.

Word Count: 2595 (I got carried away!)

Warnings: language + references to smut + angst

A/N: I have so much unfinished hw and I’m writing a fanfic. honestly I should just drop out I can’t anymore w school. anyway, enjoy 💛


“That bad?” Wanda says, chuckling breathlessly. I shake my head. A familiar pain strikes through my thigh and I wince. Wanda looks at me in concern. “Stop.” she says. I look at her for a moment, almost limping on the treadmill, before pressing the “Stop” button and letting the conveyer belt slow to a halt. She finishes her own as well, wiping the sheet of sweat off her forehead.

“He literally ate his rice with his hands.” I sigh. Wanda raises her eyebrows. “I don’t know when the dating pool shrunk to all the losers.” I shake my head.

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Reasons to watch B.A.P’s Killing Camp 

  • Daehyun selling Zelo for ice cream
  • Youngjae’s horrified screams as masked man came after him
  • Youngjae hiding “jongup’s necklace” so yongguk cant find it but it turned out to be the wrong one serves you right jae  
  • Zelo thinking that him being forced to ride a bouncy horse was to tease him looking at you inapproprio babys
  • Iconic spelling using their bodies
  • Iconic jumping group photo
  • “If you get in a team with me, we can make cool hair in the morning with gel.” - Mjup
  • Daehyun’s pants falling down as he runs away
  • Himdae “OPEN SESAME”
  • Zelo’s legs sticking out of the tent bc he’s just too tol
  • Himchan breaking a marine’s composure with his aegyo
  • DH: “I will pick my one and only best friend, Youngjae”
  • Yongguk going into the ball pit slide to “look for clues”
  • bap rolling around in mud
  • “WE’LL SHOW YOU THE POWER OF YOUTH! AJA AJA FIGHTING!”
girl from sev' elev' -- michael x reader

omg OK here this finally is i’m on mobile & therefore do not know how to normally do these intros lmao so bear with me

summary: locking urself in the bathroom to hide from a Gross Fuckboi seemed dreadful………until u locked yourself in there with someone else

warnings: swears! no proof reading ! weed , alcohol , Sinful teens !!! Michael being super out of character!!!! y'all know i’m bad @ this 


You remembered that the moment he walked in, you knew you recognized him. School, probably? You couldn’t imagine where else. You might have had a class with him freshman year, but you weren’t sure. It was your first day of your junior year and your boss had somehow scheduled you for a morning shift again. You wiped the sleep out of your eyes and quietly watched as the boy bopped about the 7/11 aisles, clearly awake and happy despite the early morning.

He set his cherry slushie on the counter, pulling his headphones down to his neck as he looked up at you – his eyes widened slightly behind his glasses when he saw you.

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