the left lane is for passing

I hate confirmation bias.

I was on the interstate, with one of those douche canoes who are in the merge lane with you, but try to pass you demanding you either break and let them go, or risk wrecking your car. I was in a fuck you buddy mood, and let him make the same damned mistake, four times, at my least favorite interchange. (Left right left right left, all in the span of ¼ mile, everyone should just learn to zipper, but I hold no such hope for humanity).

We make it out of my least favorite interchange, them trapped behind me, the super bright halogen headlights on their giant SUV, glaring back at me from my rear view. They whip out past me, and all I can make out is a Trump/Pence campaign sticker, left a year too long, in their rear window.

My first thought was, “figures.”

Then I had to remind myself, being a terrible person knows no race, religion, gender, sexuality, or political affiliation, we should kill all humans, and leave the planet to figure itself out without us.

Company Truck, Seriously?

This happened over the weekend. I work weekends and was on my way to work. To get there I take a freeway. As every driver SHOULD know, but doesn’t. The left lane is for people traveling faster and slower drivers should move right to let them pass.

Now I am sure this is a pretty common problem in every city where you get people who are too clueless, or distracted to actually move over. This causes traffic congestion, and basically makes those shitty commutes that much shittier.

So as I am going to work, I am doing slightly above 100km/h in the 100km/h zone. I quickly approach some cars in the fast lane doing 80km/h. Unfortunately, there was another car in the right lane matching that speed. They would not pass each other.

We came by an exit and the car in the slow lane exited. The guy in the fast lane sped up until he got to the next slow car, where he matched again. It was just enough that no one could pass him in the slow lane.

After dealing with this guy for the better part of my drive, he finally signals to the right lane and the exit. As the long line of cars in the fast lane pass, he is having a grand time laughing and flipping the middle finger. I’m sure he got it back, but what a piece of shit.

That’s when I noticed that he was in a company vehicle. I took note of the company name and website, then continued on to work.

Once at work I pulled up his website and saw that he was just a small private company. He listed his home address, which is about 45 minutes to the east of the city (along the exit he took).

I ran across the street to the gas station with one of the few remaining pay phones still in operation. I called him up and asked him to come give me a quote on a massive rush job. I booked the appointment for 10am at a location that was 1.5 hours west of the city. In total, that would be 3 hours each direction.

He gladly accepted the job thinking it would be a big one. I’ve never been to the area I sent him.

Blind Side - Chapter 3

Intro | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

You stood alone in your closet, wearing nothing but a silk dressing robe, surrounded by outfits and accessories for every occasion. Flowing gowns, skin-tight workout gear, mix-and-match business attire, and a ski suit you wore for all of five minutes – you’d honestly rather freeze than look like a walking marshmallow. You never thought this day would come, but here you are. Hundreds of options, and nothing to wear.

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Glitch In The Matrix Stories #24

A Car Started To Pass Me And Disappeared 

Today I had my pickup truck bed loaded to the breaking point with things to take to the landfill (clearing out a hoard)- broken, moldy furniture, broken garage door, and other bulky odd-sized stuff.

I’d packed it well and strapped it all in but I was worried that to the casual drivers around me it’d look unstable as hell. The road I took starts off as a long busy two-lane highway and there’s never a chance to pass anyone until the road becomes 4 lanes with a drivable middle lane that eventually becomes a turning lane as you approach businesses.

As luck would have it, I ended up with a douche-bag in a new BMW trapped behind me on the long stretch. I was doing just above the speed limit and he was up my butt, despite my having broken furniture dangling like two feet from his grille. I couldn’t wait until the road would widen and he’d surely zoom past me and scowl for ‘holding him up’.

Sure enough, we reached the spot where the road widened and I saw him jerk into the left lane as soon as I yielded to the right slow lane. He started to pass me, entered my blind spot and then… I didn’t see him. I thought he was overtaking me slowly so he could see what I was hauling, or I was preparing to be flipped off as well.

The thing is, there was no nowhere to turn left yet, no roads or business at that point- and I watched my side mirror- if he’d turned somewhere (again, nowhere to turn yet) slowed down or even gone into the developing turning strip down the middle, I’d have seen his car fall behind me.

Credits to: Vault32

Remember Seeing A Movie Years Before It Was Released

Being born in the early nineties, I loved watching the ’Land Before Time’ movies. I remember being about 6 or 7, I was sick and in bed. My mom had a friend over and he brought me a movie to watch. It was a Land Before Time movie. So nothing weird about that. 

Well, fast forward about 4 years or so and I’m dropped off at the sitters and everyone is watching the new Land Before Time movie. Sweet! A new one, except this seems familiar. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this before. I know I’ve seen this before. There are always parts of movies you remember very well and for me this was when the long-neck elders fight the two T-Rex. So that part arrives and I start telling everyone what’s going to happen. 

The sitter or her daughter that helped out asked if I’ve watched this already. I said, “yeah a long time ago”. I get told that’s not possible, it just came out the week before or whatever. Yet I specifically remember watching it years earlier. Every now and then I think back on this and it still perplexes me. Maybe my mom’s friend was a time traveler that had a love for kids movies. Maybe it was a glitch- who knows.

Credits to: Chestigo

Seeing Old People Young

For as long as I can remember, I will walk into stores, buildings, parks, fields, and if there is a person there 30 or older I always see them younger.

It usually happens for a few moments, like flashes of young and then I really stare at them and shocked to see wrinkles and liver spots. Like, I was totally checking out that grandma when she looked 20 something and now she’s 80.

Not sure if this is a glitch in the matrix, and before anyone says bad eye sight, I do wear contacts but my prescription is always up to date. And I am always within good seeing distance of the person.

Like, I’m not sure how to properly describe it. I see them exactly how they were when they were younger. Doesn’t happen every single day but it happens enough that I’m used to it. Sometimes I see young people as old but it’s very rare.

Credits to: SpookyB0T

Starting To Question Whether Life Is A Simulation Or Not

I was living in Florida for a while (back in 2014 and 2015) due to work. While I was there, I had been engaging in my own personal philosophical thought process about the nature of our reality. For a couple of days I really was wrapped around this question and it was sort of consuming my thoughts over those days, particularly whether we were living in a simulation or some type of video game. Well nothing new there, right? Scientists and philosphers have been throwing that idea around for a while. 

Well, two experiences occurred that made and make me questions my current reality as it stands and happened in similar time frames. Each seemingly innocent, but when put together seem to connect. All of these events occurred after I started thinking intensely about the possibility of reality being a simulation. 

First: I was working out with a trainer and a group of coworkers when we started doing squats. I started doing squats and the trainer stops and sort of laughs. Then he makes a joke about how I look like a Sims character. That’s innocent enough, right? I’ve seen the game and I got what he was referring to. I laughed. 

But then he says it one more time, but this time he says it in a serious tone “Did you hear that, Tim (which is my name)? I said you look like a Sims character.” The inflections in his voice was odd, it was more like he was hinting at something rather than making a joke and waiting for my reaction. Perhaps it was nothing but it was odd, but everybody else around me didn’t react or even laugh at the reference. It was strange.

Second: So, I enjoy creepypastas and I like listening to them. So, I started listening to this creepypasta and found it pretty good. Now the night before and that night, I had been thinking intensely about reality and all that.

Well, as I scrolled down the comment section I notice this guy’s comment (Pete Detrick) who says “Tim, you’re in a video game.” 

I’m blown away but I’m skeptical, thinking it’s just a coincidence and he was just replying to some other person’s comment. But as I’m scrolling up and down, I notice he isn’t replying to anyone on the comment section. His statement is just out of context and oddly out of nowhere. 

I could imagine the person was perhaps making a comment about the story itself but the main character in the story never mentions his name being Tim or even has a name. (Oddly enough the story is about a person who commits suicide and enters some alternate reality).

Credits to: FloatingTheVoid

Aaliyah

The fact that Aaliyah’s name is still relevant today shows how important and influential she was. There will never be another Aaliyah Dana Haughton. Her smile, style, class, and grace continues to capture the hearts of those who love her. She was truly one in a million. It is impossible to compare her talent, because Aaliyah was in a lane of her own. She was a trailblazer who helped define 90′s R&B music.She was a trendsetter. From the famous hair swoop over her eye, to her impeccable fashion sense. She was absolutely beautiful, warm, and inviting. She had a way of making her fans feel like we really knew her, even though she kept most things private. People still adore babygirl till this day, because she was always an angel, even after her passing. There is no denying her impact on this world. Her spirit continues to rest in the numerous fans she left behind, and in those who love her. 

Company Truck, Seriously?

This happened over the weekend. I work weekends and was on my way to work. To get there I take a freeway. As every driver SHOULD know, but doesn’t. The left lane is for people traveling faster and slower drivers should move right to let them pass.

Now I am sure this is a pretty common problem in every city where you get people who are too clueless, or distracted to actually move over. This causes traffic congestion, and basically makes those shitty commutes that much shittier.

So as I am going to work, I am doing slightly above 100km/h in the 100km/h zone. I quickly approach some cars in the fast lane doing 80km/h. Unfortunately, there was another car in the right lane matching that speed. They would not pass each other.

We came by an exit and the car in the slow lane exited. The guy in the fast lane sped up until he got to the next slow car, where he matched again. It was just enough that no one could pass him in the slow lane.

After dealing with this guy for the better part of my drive, he finally signals to the right lane and the exit. As the long line of cars in the fast lane pass, he is having a grand time laughing and flipping the middle finger. I’m sure he got it back, but what a piece of shit.

That’s when I noticed that he was in a company vehicle. I took note of the company name and website, then continued on to work.

Once at work I pulled up his website and saw that he was just a small private company. He listed his home address, which is about 45 minutes to the east of the city (along the exit he took).

I ran across the street to the gas station with one of the few remaining pay phones still in operation. I called him up and asked him to come give me a quote on a massive rush job. I booked the appointment for 10am at a location that was 1.5 hours west of the city. In total, that would be 3 hours each direction.

He gladly accepted the job thinking it would be a big one. I’ve never been to the area I sent him.

TL;DR: Rude and inconsiderate driver gets equally rude and inconsiderate response.

Researchers discover new ‘GPS’ neuron

An international research team led by UvA researchers Jeroen Bos, Martin Vinck and Cyriel Pennartz has identified a new type of neuron which might play a vital role in humans’ ability to navigate their environments. The discovery is an important step towards understanding how the brain codes navigation behaviour at larger scales and could potentially open up new treatment strategies for people with impaired topographical orientation like Alzheimer’s patients. The team’s results are published in the latest edition of Nature Communications.

Every day billions of people across the planet successfully navigate their environments, for example when they go to work or head home. Such journeys generally happen with little conscious effort and rest on the brain’s ability to use overall knowledge of an environment to make estimates of where it finds itself. The ability to make fine grained assessments of location is seated in the hippocampus, a seahorse-shaped structure located in the temporal lobe. Research shows that the precise mechanism for navigation includes hippocampal place cells, which increase or decrease in electrical activity depending on one’s location. However, when making their daily commute, people don’t need very detailed representations of which houses they pass in which order. Instead, they can make due with more course information. Left at the museum and somewhere down the road right again at the supermarket, called topographical orientation.

Where to from here?

Building on current research, the researchers investigated how large scale navigational knowledge is coded within the brain and whether this process indeed occurs in different structures within the temporal lobe. They did this by training rats to perform a visually guided task in a figure-8 maze consisting of two loops that overlap in the middle lane. During the experiment, the researchers measured electrical activity in the brain by using a novel instrument which allowed the researchers to simultaneously record groups of neurons from four different areas. They recorded from the perirhinal cortex, hippocampus and two sensory areas. Recordings from the perirhinal cortex revealed sustained activity patterns. The level of electrical activity clearly rose and fell depending on the segment the rats were in and persisted throughout that entire segment.

The neighbourhood cell

‘We found a pronounced difference between the responses in the perirhinal cortex and responses in other areas of the brain’, says Jeroen Bos, lead author and researcher at the UvA’s Swammerdam Institute for Life Sciences. ‘Units from the perirhinal cortex had sustained responses throughout the whole loop. By contrast, responses from hippocampal place cells were scattered across the maze and their fields were much smaller than the loops of the maze. We were surprised to see the perirhinal cortex’s responses align so closely with the layout of the maze, primarily because the region is commonly associated with object recognition. This seems to be a new type of neuron, which we have informally dubbed the ‘neighbourhood cell’. This neuron seems to enable the brain to specifically differentiate between distinct segments (“neighbourhoods”) of the environment.’

Potential treatment strategy

The team’s results offer a first glimpse on how the brain is able to code navigation behaviour at larger scales and could be especially relevant for people with an impaired capacity for topographical orientation. The large scale of perirhinal coding contrasts with the finer scale of hippocampal coding. ‘It is known that patients with Alzheimer’s disease or with damage to the temporal lobe have great difficulty finding their way, especially to remote goal locations’, says fellow researcher and professor of Cognitive Systems and Neuroscience Cyriel Pennartz. ‘Albeit new, our findings don’t conflict with previous literature on this phenomenon, for example such as the long-time London cab driver who sustained hippocampal damage. Although the driver could still navigate through the city, he remained highly dependent on main roads and would frequently get lost when using side streets. It might be that he was using the perirhinal cortex for global orientation but could no longer make use of the fine-grained place fields normally found in the hippocampus.’

In addition to offering new insights into brain mechanisms for spatial navigation at different scales, the results may guide patients with Alzheimer’s or other diseases in using other spatial strategies than the ones most severely affected. The findings point to the perirhinal cortex as a target for treatment. Finally, research on neural replacement devices and assistive robots may benefit from this study.

saturday nights

pairing: Yoongi + ♀ reader ft. hoseok
summary: he wanted to tell her he loved her, instead he ended up killing his best friends girlfriend.

masterlist
based on my prompt list

feedback is greatly appreciated!

Originally posted by yoonggi


Saturday nights the three of them would have diner at his apartment. It used to keep their friendship floating. Now it suffocated Yoongi. Watching her lean on Hoseok as they watched their movie. Watching Hoseok laugh as he gave her a bite of his dessert. It drove him insane. He didn’t mean to snap at her that night. After diner Hoseok had to run somewhere, and he ended up having to take her home himself. Normally, even though he knew it was wrong, he loved being alone with her. Loved having her smile all to himself. But his insides were burning. He was suffocating. Because he loved her and she was dating his best friend. She had made a comment in the car, something small, about him finding a girlfriend and suddenly he snapped.

“Don’t you fucking understand anything?”

There was only a split second of silence. Her eyes went wide. He had never snapped at her. Never rose his voice at her. Her mouth opened, went to say something. And then… nothing.

His eyes left the road for a second. But it was enough. There was a loud noise ringing through the air, a bright light, and then something slammed on the side of where she was sitting.

Later, the doctor told him she died on impact.


He was left to pick up the pieces. Hoseok completely vanished after the funeral. He still remembers his face when he arrived at the hospital. He could practically hear Hoseok’s heart stopping when they told him they couldn’t do anything. Hoseok was always an emotional person. But he didn’t cry. He turned pale. So pale. He stumbled into a chair, eyes wide, mouth slightly opened.

The next time Yoongi saw him was at the funeral. He left as soon as her the casket was placed six feet under. He didn’t hear from him again for months. He got constant phone calls from not only her mother, but his too.

“Where is he?”
The only reason he knew he wasn’t dead was because he got a call from a payphone one night.

I’m fine. Tell my mother.

Yoongi wanted to scream. Wanted him to suffer. He should have been grieving but instead he ran away. He couldn’t bring her back. What was he chasing? Hoseok was suppose to be the one that comforted her mother. He was suppose to be the one that left roses for her. But Yoongi couldn’t say anything. It was his fault after all. Hoseok wouldn’t have to run away if he hadn’t looked away from the road and seen the other car. It was a drunk driver. Driving in the wrong lane. But if he had seen him, maybe she would still be there.

If he could take back time he would. If he had to sit through centuries of seeing her happy with another man if it meant he could see her smile one more time he’d reset time over and over again. But he couldn’t. He was still alive and she wasn’t.

Months passed and he was still suffocating. He was left to clean her apartment. He was the one that had to go through all her memories. He was the only that had to pack her things and send them to her mother. He was the one that had to look through the all the pictures of the three of them. He was the one that had to touch her sheets and realize that they would never smell like her again. He was the one that had to pack her away. Had to remove her existence from the place she used to call home. But he was the one that killed her. It was only fair to have him do it.

She’d visit him in his dreams sometimes. She was always eighteen in his dream. She was wearing that white dress he got her for her birthday. He still remembered that day. It was when he realized he loved her. Hoseok had been running later. A song was playing throughout her living room, and all Yoongi wanted to do was ask her to dance. He wanted to tell her he loved her. But Hoseok had arrived before he could ask her to dance. He swept her of her feet and after Yoongi couldn’t help but feel like he was suffocating. But in his dream…. she’d smile at him and ask him if he wanted to dance. “What about Hoseok?” Yoongi would whisper, but he was gripping her in his arms already. She smiled. A secretive smile. “This is about you, Yoongi.”

Even in his dreams he was selfish.

But he kept dreaming the dream. The dream that he longed to be reality. If things were different… if he had asked her to dance that night, he wondered what would have changed? Would she still be alive?  Would her smile be directed at him, even if it was for a only a while?
Yoongi wasn’t sure. He just knew it was a fantasy that could not be achieved.

So he kept pushing through time without her and without his best friend. Until eventually one of them came back.

He came back a year after that saturday. He was dripping wet from the rain outside. When Yoongi opened the door that night he almost had a heartattack. Almost didn’t recognize the man in front of him.

“I can fix this.” Hoseok told him, coming into his apartment without waiting for an invitation. Yoongi turned to look at him, suddenly angry.

“Fix what?” He screamed at him. Because when it needed to be fixed, he hadn’t been there. He ran away.

Hoseok glanced at Yoongi, who never rose his voice at him before then his eyes drifted around the room. Yoongi  had a picture up of the three of them from when they were kids. All of them smiling into the camera, holding hands and being happy. It had been hanging in her apartment before. It was the only thing that he kept. It was the only picture of them as kids left. Leaving it behind was like leaving her behind.

“I had a dream. It told me what I had to do. What I had to do to fix this. Now I know. I know how I can fix this. But you have to trust me.”

“Don’t you fucking get it? You can’t fix anything! I killed her. I killed your girlfriend!”

Hoseok shook his head. He leaned over, taking small steps towards Yoongi. He had a look in his eyes that send a shiver down Yoongi’s spine. Made him feel like he was suffocating and would stop breathing at any moment. He grabbed his wrist and looked him straight in the eyes.

You have to trust me. It won’t work if you don’t trust me.” 

Hoseok was crying now. He hadn’t cried when she had died. Hadn’t cried at the funeral. But he was crying now. Seeing the tears stream down his face brought back Yoongi to when he was younger and Hoseok fell of his bike. He cried for a minute or two before Yoongi stumbled across him with her. He’d carried him back to his house on his back, while she rode on Hoseok’s bike, giggling.

“Yoongi is like your big brother, always taking care of you, Hoseok!”

Hoseok had nodded that day. A toothy grin replacing his tear streaked expression.

One day I’ll take care of him!”

There was a split second of silence, but then Yoongi let out a breath. The room was suddenly spinning, but it felt like he was finally able to breath properly in what seemed like years. He didn’t feel like he was suffocating. He felt like he was floating. Felt like everything was okay.

“You have to ask her to dance.”

Yoongi’s eyes went wide and then… nothing.


Yoongi woke up. He groaned and leaned over his bed. He was going to be late if he kept stalling. She’d be mad if he was late for her birthday.

Getting there was quick. He didn’t get lost. It would be the first time he’d visit her new apartment. But he was determined to get there. Seeing her smile when she opened the door was worth waking up early to make sure he was there on time.

“You’re here!”

She had music ringing through her apartment. Yoongi smiled and closed the door behind him. His eyes drifted around the apartment. The walls were painted a bright color that matched her personality. He chuckled and glanced around the walls. A picture frame caught his eyes. It was him and her when they were kids. They were both smiling at the camera, tiny arms wrapped around each other. It was the only picture they had together as kids. She was turning 18 now. Time had flown away.  There was a pang in his chest. He wanted to smile, but something in him was telling him that he was missing something.

“Are you okay?” She asked as she poured a drink into her glass. Yoongi fell silent. The music was ringing through the room. It felt like he was forgetting something.

And suddenly it hit him.

“Do you want to dance?”

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Why you shouldn’t drive slowly in the left lane  

As a driver part of the “passing” group. Please stay in the right lane.

Aggressive driver? I'll email your boss.

Driving down a major highway, during stop and go (long weekend) traffic. It’s brutal. As we’re puttering along (in the far left lane), we see this asshole in an SUV (AinSUV) tailing another car and the driver is yelling and honking (for no apparent reason). The only thing we figure he’s pissed about is that the guy has left a reasonable (for this kind of traffic) space between him and the next car. I don’t know why AinSUV thinks his drive is going to be 10x faster if the guy moves up a couple metres - but this small gap is enraging him. We watch in disbelief and end up passing them. Then. The AinSUV ends up behind us. We know he’s going to be a douche, so we move over a lane. He follows us - and ends up berating us in the same way. Tailing us (like the closest I’ve ever been tailed), yelling and honking at us. Honestly - I live in a major metropolitan area, and I’ve never seen such aggressive behaviour on the road. Anyway - eventually this guys passes us. But what moron, AinSUV failed to think of, was that he was driving a COMPANY CAR, with full name and website. Obviously I took a couple pictures of the license plate and the company info and emailed them to complain about AinSUV; you know, “I would want to know if I were in your position; this is how your brand is getting represented, blah blah”. The company owner emailed me back, apologizing for AinSUV and told me it would be ‘dealt’ with. I don’t know if he was fired, but in my petty revenge fantasy he certainly was.

TLDR; Aggressive driver is in a company car, I email his boss and rat him out

Notifications Off (TXT3)

Ignis is usually careful about parking, usually he doesn’t slap the royal pass under the wipers and leave the meter maid to deal with the fact that he’s left the car partially in a fire lane. Usually he is also not on the receiving end of texts from Noctis that leave him questioning the immediate health and safety of the Prince. Or the Prince’s best friend.


Ignis thinks, as he rushes up the walk in a still very unruffled seeming way, that he needs to evaluate some things, because he knows if Noctis was the one he’d been texted about he probably still would’ve bothered to take time parking. Prompto though…Prompto had found the softest spot in his heart and made a home, slotting himself in somewhere between Ignis’ exasperated affection for Noctis and warm love for Gladiolus.

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evawalters22  asked:

Hi snicketsleuth, this might seem like a random question but do you know whereabouts Staind-by-the-sea is set?

Hi, @evawalers22!

Actually it’s rather easy to figure out where Stain’d-by-the-Sea is located in “whatever-fictional-country-Lemony-Snicket-inhabits”. The author mentions a number of places which are implied to be very close to Stain’d-by-the-Sea and which also show up in “A Series Of Unfortunate Events”. And since some of these places show up on the canonical map (seen in Lemony Snicket’s autobiography), it’s actually possible to deduce other locations by way of elimination.

The first thing we know about Stain’d-by-the-Sea is that it’s situated in the Hinterlands, which means it has to be north of the Autobiography’s map.

“We’ll ask the questions around here,” Mimi Mitchum said. “We’re the law in Stain’d-by-the-Sea. We’re the ones who catch criminals and put them on the train back to the city to be locked up. From the outskirts of town in the hinterlands to the boundary of the Clusterous Forest, we know every single thing that happens in this town. So when strangers arrive, we feel it is our duty to welcome them and ask them what exactly it is that they’re doing here.”
[Who Could That Be At This Hour?, Chapter Five]

This is later confirmed by another quote which implies that the Mortmain Mountains are nearby.

“Loudest bark this side of the Mortmain Mountains,” Jackie said with pride, “but someone swiped her last night, and left this note for me taped to the Dilemna’s windshield.”
[Jackie - File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents, Ransom Note]

Because it’s located in the Hinterlands region, it’s possible that locations such as the Village of Fowl Devotees, the Last Chance General Store, Heimlich Hospital and Caligari Carnival are in the vicinity as well.

Another reason Stain’d-by-the-Sea would have to be north of the map is Lousy Lane. When S. Theodora Markson travels from the City to Stain’d-by-the-Sea, she passes by a road that’s clearly meant to smell like Lousy Lane.

Before long we had passed out of the neighborhood, and then out of the district, and then out of the city altogether and were driving along a very twisty road that made me grateful I had eaten little. The air had such a curious smell that we had to close the windows of the roadster, and it looked like rain.
[Who Could That Be At This Hour?, Chapter Two]

The stretch of road that leads out of the city, past Hazy Harbor and into the town of Tedia, is perhaps the most unpleasant in the world. It is called Lousy Lane. Lousy Lane runs through fields that are a sickly gray color, in which a handful of scraggly trees produce apples so sour that one only has to look at them to feel ill. Lousy Lane traverses the Grim River, a body of water that is nine-tenths mud and that con­tains extremely unnerving fish, and it encircles a horseradish factory, so the entire area smells bitter and strong.
[The Reptile Room, Chapter One]

We can even pinpoint the lesser lane she would have taken on the Autobiography’s map: it’s right between Tedia and Daedalus Dock.

Of course there’s no train on the Autobiography’s map, so the trainline which goes from Stain’d-by-the-Sea to the City probably takes a very long detour. But that’s kind of logical because this trainline is stated not to pass by any major city on the way between the two locations. If the trainline were anywhere near Lousy Lane, it’d probably pass by Tedia and/or Daedalus Dock. Which it doesn’t.

“It’s standard policy,” Polly Partial said, using a phrase which never means anything. “Unless there are special requests, The Thistle of the Valley makes no scheduled stops in town but travels across the sea and finally reaches the city before continuing on to various villages and tourist attractions.”
[Why Is This Night Different From All Other Nights?, Chapter Two]

What’s interesting about this trainline is that it actually shows up in “A Series Of Unfortunate Events” as well. The Baudelaire orphans remember having to change trains at a busy station that did the junction between Paltryville and the Vineyard of Flagrant Drapes.

This vineyard was famous for having grapes that smelled delicious, and it was very pleasant to picnic in the fields,while the fragrance drifted in the air and the vineyard’s famous donkeys, who helped carry bushels of grapes at harvesttime, slept in the shade of the grapevines. To reach the vineyard, the Baudelaires had to take not one train but two, transferring at a busy station not far from Paltryville, and on the day that Violet and Klaus were remembering, the children had been separated from their parents in the rush of the transferring crowd.
[The Carnivorous Carnivale, Chapter Nine]

This station closely resembles Stain’d-by-the-sea’s overcrowded train station… and it’s implied that Stain’d-by-the-Sea is not too far away from Paltryville.

“There aren’t any optometrists left in town,” Moxie told me. “The closest eye doctor is way over in Paltryville, but she doesn’t have a very good reputation.”
[File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents, “Pinched Creature”]

So if Daniel Handler were to draw a larger map of the universe he’s created, it would probably look something like this:

It’s very very rough (forgive my drawing skills) but it would give us, at least, a sense of where some locations are in relation to each other. Basically the entire northern-western portion of the map is the Hinterlands, a remote desert with a few locations of interest.

I went back to as old retail job because the job I’d been working at was the absolute worst, worse than retail. So after not working there for 3.5 years I went back so I could have money while Iooked for other full time jobs. I passed an old customer of mine and he remembered me! I haven’t even been back a week and he’s like “hey, what’re you doing back here?” It makes me so happy this guy hasn’t seen me in nearly 4 years and still recognizes me. All of the old team members that are still there joke with me about coming back but they’re like “I’ll give you the good checkout lane” like I never left and I’ve still somehow got seniority.

Honk like a crazy person? Prepare to wait!

So I was driving to work today and I stop on a one-way street behind a truck turning left. When the light turns green, I am stuck waiting behind the truck as the opposite traffic passes. But the person behind me (think entitled rich woman in a fancy car) isn’t having it. She starts honking and honking. I gesture that I need to wait for the person in front of me. She starts gesticulating wildly. I again indicate the truck waiting to turn. She honks again and is clearly yelling from her car.

Then the truck turns. And I decide to cross my arms and sit at that green light for another few seconds before moving. Then I drive the speed limit (30 km) for the next two blocks, making full stops at the stop sign, waving pedestrians to cross, waiting for other cars. Around the corner, she is still following me. Now we’re on a wider street that has room for two lanes, but no lanes are painted. In my side mirror, I see her moving to the left, getting ready to pass me. Nope, not today. I love towards the middle of the road and drive there for another two blocks until she must get too aggravated and turns down a side street. Joke’s on you, lady, I was turning on the next street.

Ignoct Masterpost

Heaven of Cut Stars Series

Defy the Stars
Rating: Explicit
Status: In-Progress
Summary: Ignis is given an Omen of the Stars. 

Now, armed with the knowledge of living through a world of unending night, there are choices to be made. Given the chance to change fate, Ignis will go to war with even the Gods to keep Noctis safe.

Melinoë
Rating: Teen
Warning: Not actually Ignoct, but world-building
Summary: "His name was Regulus, the little king.

Ardyn had loved him, cherished him, worshipped him as any man would. Devotion in its highest form, in the form of the love a father could only have for his firstborn son. Even his Selene, his sweet Selene, was no comparison. She, whose face held the dawn in the dimple of her cheeks, held no sway to the little king.“

In which a moral and good man is made into a monster.

A King’s Wizard
Rating: Teen
Summary: Ignis deals with the Crown Prince’s plans for a Halloween party, all the while dealing with his impending nuptials to the Countess Marilynn. Emotions bite more than gravel to the skin. If you listen closely enough, deep inside the little box where Ignis hides his feelings away from prying eyes, you can hear him screaming. 

A story of love and dreams, but also of the frailty of hope.

Sacramentum
Rating: Teen
Summary: "No, Ignis. You must promise this to me as a man to another, a man who is the father of the one you hold so dear." 

Ignis makes a promise to King Regis after the arrival of a foe in the room where the walls smell of death and the marble reminds him of childhoods long gone.

Chapter Fics

The Blood of Kings
Rating: Mature
Summary: Regis had a short affair with a married Lady Scientia, and while he cares for Ignis it was vital that no one ever suspect that Ignis is a royal bastard. If it came out it would muddy the line of succession and that would be disasterous with the crystal needing to be bound to his heir and the war with Nifheim heating up. 

So instead he ties Ignis to Noctis as an advisor, ensuring Ignis gets some of the deference he’s due. Nobody expected Ignis and Noctis to fall in love.

"This was his sin, and this was his punishment.”

Roads
Rating: Gen
Summary: Perhaps it was the magic of the Crystal inside it, but the Regalia… The Regalia was always more than a car. Regalia!POV fic (slight mentions of romance.)

There’s a Noctis in My Pocket
Rating: Teen
Status: In-Progress
Summary: Noctis has a very, very nasty run-in with an Imp in the Balouve Mines… and wakes to find either everything has gotten so much bigger… or is it that he’s a whole lot smaller? 

FFXV Kink Meme fill for Noctis getting hit with a Mini Spell. Oh, sweet Etro, help him.

To the Moon and Stars
Rating: Gen
Status: In-Progress
Summary: A series of drabbles focusing on the relationship between Ignis and Noctis as small children. Tooth-rotting fluff.

A Wayward Son
Rating: Explicit
Status: In-Progress
Summary: “I would burn down all of Insomnia for you.”

Noctis Lucis Caelum, the heir of the Lucis Crime Family, is running away from a past that left Insomnia’s Abyss and its people with a noose around their necks. Given a choice between family and morality, he has never known which side to choose. 

Ignis Scientia, the hitman whose name is whispered from only dead men’s lips, is running after Noctis. Given a choice between duty and Noctis, he has always known which side to choose. (Yakuza!inspired Ignoct)

Memory Lane Cafe
Rating: Mature
Status: In-Progress
Summary: Ignis Scientia, owner of Memory Lane Cafe, has been content to watch the world pass him by with his one good eye. When a strangely familiar young man wanders into his cafe while looking for his missing cat, Ignis realizes that everything he’s wanted, everything he’s needed, is just a memory away. 

Reincarnation!Coffee Shop AU

A String of Pearls
Rating: Teen 
Status: In-Progress
Summary: At the age of four, Noctis Lucis Caelum disappeared into the sea for seven days. When he returned, the only word he repeated was one he never forgot: Iggy.

A story of a love that traverses time, destinies, Walls, and oceans.(Siren!Ignis/Noctis)

Oneshots

Seeing is Believing 
Rating: Gen
Summary: Noctis gives one last gift to Ignis—his eyes.

Royalty Ride
Rating: Explicit
Summary: (Kink Meme Fill) Noctis somehow finds out that Ignis will occasionally hire prostitutes that look like him. He even has a routine for them: they arrive at the hotel first, hands and knees (because the face is never right) and ready for him, they can moan but not speak (because the voice is never right). So long as they look enough like Noctis from the back it’s ok.

He trades places with the next one so he can finally have Ignis fuck him.

The First
Rating: Gen
Summary: Noctis and Ignis. A throne. A ring. A promise that will last an eternity.

Aquarius
Rating: Teen
Summary: “Ignis, tell me about the stars.”

Ignis tells Noctis the story about Aquarius, the cupbearer of the Gods.

Flagrantiae
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Sequel to “Urere Sanguis”

Ignis woke with Noctis’s mouth wrapped around his cock.

It took a moment for Ignis to realize the warm, wet feeling around his dick wasn’t his own hand, caught between his boxer-briefs and searing hot skin. It had happened more than once in the years since Ignis hit puberty; masturbation was part of life, and Ignis had no issues with indulging in it early in the morning when dreams still clung to his senses.

Ever since he was a young man, it had always been one dream. One face, one mouth, one pair of blue eyes gazing up at him through thick black lashes.

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
Rating: Explicit
Summary: This wasn’t a dream. This was real, and the three men were there and their hands were warm and their tongues were blindingly hot, and this was a comfort that Noctis never once dared to expect from the Crystal.

The Crystal gives Noctis one night with the Ignis of his past, his present, and his future. 

Brotherhood!Ignis/FFXV!Ignis/Timeskip!Ignis/Noctis

Like Home
Rating: Gen
Summary: This place, the little hill that looked to the West toward a place that haunted Noctis’s dreams, was a place of solace and comfort to Ignis… 

And of course he would be there. Especially today. 

Noctis takes care of Ignis when Ignis needs him the most.

Mr. Scientia
Rating: Mature
Summary: My will is steel. I shall not bend nor snap. Especially not for this bloody minx. Professor Ignis Scientia receives a rather sordid short story from one Prince Noctis Lucis Caelum.

Garden Green Glow
Rating: Explicit
Summary: “Noct, this is hardly appropriate.”

“Nothing I do is appropriate, Specs.”

During a ball that never seems to end, Noctis and Ignis sneak off to the gardens where positively indecent things occur.

Midnight Moon
Rating: Explicit
Warning: Noctis is a female in this. Don’t bother bitching.
Summary: The wedding between the Princess of Lucis and the King of Tenebrae is set in stone, and yet… Noctis deserves one night, a real wedding night, before she bows her neck at Niflheim’s feet. And Ignis is more than willing to give that to her.

Taste of Metal
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Noctis took as much pleasure as Ignis could give in the twisted desire of metal upon flesh, of the sweet dragging of hard blade against the sensitive skin at Noctis’s back. The red lines were like paint strokes against a pale, perfect canvas. Noctis could not see himself, could not truly understand how beautiful he was laid out against the black silk bedsheets. 

But Ignis wanted to let him know in other ways, even if Noctis could not see. No, it was Ignis’s job to allow Noctis to feel it in every stroke of his blade.

“How does this feel, Noct?" 

Ignis is the master of daggers, and he knows exactly how to use them.

Fraxinea: Of Ash
Rating: Mature
Warning: Ignis/Aranea as well as Ignoct
Summary: Ladies of Accordo are given three offerings in their birthing baths, and Lady Aranea is of no exception. It was too bad she was promised fire and had received only the charred ashes of an ember that had burned too hot for another before being snuffed out in the darkness.

Like Lambs
Rating; Explicit
Warning: Horror; evil!Noctis
Summary: With the dawn rising, Ignis offers something to the crystal… An exchange. (and things are perfect until they aren’t, and the blood red moon begins to sing its sweet promises.)

Urere Sanguis
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Ignis sees the most beautiful woman he has ever seen, a woman who steals his breath away–which is surprising because he has faithfully been in love with his charge since he was a child. He decides to take the jump and approach her, because her silky black hair and red dress that glitters under the lights. She looks so much like his prince….

"You are utterly ravishing, my dear.”

Halo of Lace
Rating: Explicit
Summary: They were such a tiny thing, really–the soft black lace, the nip of fabric, the sweet curve of where it was meant to caress skin like a lover. Petite and delicate, feminine in a way that made Ignis bite the inside of his cheek when he reached down and picked the pair of women’s knickers off Noctis’s floor. 

He could tell they were lightly used, and it hurt more than he wanted to dare admit. They had never made a promise to one another, and the crown prince was eighteen and still learning about his own body and the touch of another.

(As of 10/31/2017)

I was kidnapped

It was Tuesday July 18th. It all started when I was coming home from ged school. I went to see my mom at work before going home. When I left her work I went straight home. On my way home I saw someone pulled over on the interstate but didn’t pay any mind to it because people get pulled over all the time. The interstate is like right by my neighborhood. Usually every time I get home I sit in my car listening to music for about 10 minutes and then I’ll go inside. Well this day was different. I was sitting on my phone listening to music while on twitter. My head was down about where my steering wheel is so I couldn’t see anything other than my phone because that’s all I was paying attention to. I couldn’t see any windows or anything that was happening around me. While on my phone a random guy knocked on my window and scared the shit out of me. He was black and soaking wet. I’d never seen this person before and had no clue where or which direction he came from. So he knocks on my window and as I’m rolling my window down he opens my right rear door and gets in. I’m thinking wtf at this point because you don’t just get in strangers cars… you just don’t. He told me he needs a favor and told me to drive. I had no choice but to agree to his favor because he was already in my car and I felt as if he’s crazy enough to just get in my car then what the hell would he do if I didn’t listen to what he said. At this point I know nothing and he tells me he needs me to bring him to the store so I agree. As I begin to drive out of my neighborhood he changes his destination from the store to the gas station. So I start heading towards the gas stations that are right next to the interstate. He said he needed to go to the Shell gas station but the only ones were Pilot and Circle K. I asked where he wanted to go and he told me to take the next exit. The next exit was the interstate heading towards New Orleans. I said I can’t and that’s too far and he simply told me “you’ll be fine, drive, you don’t have a choice.” I was already scared that he randomly jumped in my car and now I was transporting him to another city. While I’m on the interstate going towards New Orleans I asked him why he’s soaking wet and what his situation is and he told me that he just got pulled over for speeding. He told me that he had a rental car and in the car was a box full of heroin, crack, and pills. Come to find out he ran from the police because he already had warrants and was wanted and had drugs in his car. He left his phone in the car ran from them on foot. He ran through woods, swam through a canal, and ran through a field to get to my neighborhood. I had no clue about this and I was like wtf. He was telling me everything and told me he had paraphernalia in his socks. He pulled out money and gave me $30 for gas. Really I knew he was giving me this money so I didn’t call the police. He kept asking to use my phone and I gave it to him every time he asked. I always had to ask for my phone back because he would hold it. I really wanted to text my mom and let her know what was going on but I knew that wasn’t an option. I thought about who could I tell about what was going on and realized I couldn’t because he was constantly using my phone. He never made a call because he didn’t know anyone’s number. He was stressing and I kept telling him to calm down because deep down I was shitting myself. Then he tells me to bring him to the airport. We get to the exits leading to the airport and then he changes his destination to someone’s house. At this point he just kept changing his mind and if he told me to drive to California I would’ve done it because he’s in my backseat, doing god knows what. I was scared that if I didn’t do what he told me that he would try to rob me or make me pull over and attempt to steal my car. I just kept driving. We just kept passing exit after exit and I just got more nervous and anxious as time went on. He thought I was completely calm but I was on the brink of tears from fear of my current situation. I didn’t feel safe. So we get to Jefferson and he tells me to take the exit and I do and he directed me everywhere. If he told me to take a left, I took a left, If he told me to merge lanes, I merged lanes. I had no choice but to do whatever he told me. Once I dropped him off I sped off and starting crying hysterically, and I facetimed my mom immediately. I told her I was going home to take a nap, that’s all I wanted to do for the day. When I told her what happened she immediately called the police. Police showed up to her job and state troopers came to where I was. I rode with the state trooper to try to find the location that I dropped off the man that was on the run. It took at least 40 minutes. I couldn’t remember street names and didn’t even know where I was at. I was so shaken up. After we located where I dropped the man off 3 state troopers paraded me home across the interstate. I was crying so much, I couldn’t keep it together. My mom was so worried about me and scared. Once I made it back to her work and met up with police we went to the detectives office. I was interviewed and they asked me whether or not I wanted to press charges for kidnap and at first I didn’t want to but then realized it was necessary to make sure he doesn’t do this to anyone else ever again. He got two felonies that day, one for kid napping me and one for running from the police. The police kept my car because they had to get fingerprints and swab it and get a search warrant for my car. It was easily one of the worst experiences of my life and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. The police and detectives told me that I was beyond blessed to be alive because most situations don’t end how mine did. I did a lot of thinking and now live life differently. I hanged the way my car is so that it doesn’t automatically unlock my doors when I park. I now am more aware of my surroundings and don’t spend any extra time in my car because doing so makes you a target. I now am aware whether or not I’m being followed. I just think differently completely. I’m doing everything in my power to insure nothing like this ever happens again. I’m so grateful to be alive because that could’ve easily been my last day. I want everyone to learn from my experience and be aware of your surroundings at all times. Please be safe!

Creepypasta #1057: The Girl

Length: Long

She was one of those people that you could swear you’ve met before, but you don’t remember when. She tugged at my memory like a person you had a few high school classes with, but never had more than a few conversations. She had a round face, with soft cheekbones and bright brown eyes. Her lips were perpetually hinting at a smile that never seemed to fully blossom. She had a full, curvy figure, and the way she moved in her short summer dress had a subtle seductiveness that was far more attractive than her appearance alone.

The party we were at was slowly winding down. The host had disappeared with some girl, or had otherwise ditched entirely, and he took the energy of the party with him. As I was looking for the keys to my car, she approached me. “Hey, I have some rum back at my place. Want to come drink with me?” she said.

“Sure,” I replied. “Let me find my keys, I was about to leave anyway. Do you need a ride?”

“No,” she said, as she grabbed my phone and typed in her address. “Just meet me here, I’ll be home in 15 minutes.”

“Perfect,” I said, thinking that I had just enough time to run home and grab some deodorant and mouthwash before heading over.

I drove home and freshened up, then took my dog for a walk to kill a little more time. Didn’t want to beat her home, and I suspected she might want a minute to herself too. After about 15 minutes, I drove over to her house.

It was nothing spectacular, just your standard suburban home. The lawn needed to be mowed, and there was a little trash in the yard, but I chalked that up to college kid’s general apathy. I knocked on the door, and she let me in.

The inside of the house was comfortable, a big couch dominated the living room, and sat opposite a large TV. The kitchen was situated behind the couch and a hallway led from the living room to three bedrooms. As I sat down on the couch, she offered me a shot of rum and drank one herself. I drank my shot and poured each of us another.

“I thought we could Netflix and chill for a while, if that’s alright with you,” she said with a smirk.

“Sounds good to me. Do you like horror movies?” I said, figuring horror movies would be the easiest way to get her close to me.

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