the last one was dumb whoops

Miscellaneous Clark Kent headcanons as relate to my little fic universe, that may or may not ever come up because who knows:

  • Little Clark was really susceptible to childhood superstitions for some reason. He didn’t go under ladders, he did the salt over the shoulder thing, he did not fuck with that Bloody Mary shit like NOPE I’M OUT THIS SLUMBER PARTY IS CANCELED, LANA GET OUT OF MY HOUSE AND TAKE YOUR MURDER GHOSTS WITH YOU. He believes that he is over this as an adult but whenever his foot is about to fall on a crack in the sidewalk it actually stops like a half inch above the ground and hovers there. He does not notice he is doing this. No one notices, ever, because it is the weirdest subtle unconscious thing in the world. At least Martha’s back is safe?
  • I covered the picky eater thing in Christmas in Kansas but to be more specific his tastebuds are just really sensitive to certain chemical compounds? Not just in terms of things he won’t eat but also in terms of things that he expects to be there and he doesn’t really like foods that lack those things. Your two options to make him eat anything are to cover it in sugar, or cover it in garlic.
  • He goes through a lot of breathmints. Can you imagine if Superman saved someone and they were like “man i appreciate being alive but he had some really bad garlic breath”? He would be so horrified.
  • He has a ratty, fucked-up old shirt that he wears whenever he is making pasta with red sauce. Even Superman cannot stand against the ability of red sauce to end up on whatever you happen to be wearing. HE WAS SO CAREFUL THIS TIME, HOW DID A STAIN END UP ON HIS BACK THAT JUST MAKES NO SENSE. Clark Kent’s weaknesses: kryptonite, tomato stains.
  • His ability to perfectly imitate anyone’s voice was one of the first things to manifest themselves, but this wasn’t the kind of thing anyone noticed was weird. It definitely didn’t seem like a power. He was just a small child who could do a really good Kermit the Frog. He sang Rainbow Connection at a middle school talent show and all the moms cried.
  • He definitely has a playlist to cheer himself up and get pumped and it has Eye of the Tiger and You’re the Best on it. Probably also half the Top Gun soundtrack.
  • Clark Kent’s twitter is pretty standard snarky newsman except with more farming memes. No one can tell how ironic the farming memes are. They might not be ironic at all. Clark Kent might be really sincere, or he might just be so ironic that he has circled back around into sincerity. No one knows. He’s also really good at that thing where you retweet two things from a person that side-by-side reveal they are a dingus. I don’t know if there’s a word for that.
  • His Snapchat is all dogspotting, with occasional rare dance breaks. He’s a pretty good dancer since he found those YouTube tutorials. He does this thing with his hips that Lois finds deeply upsetting for reasons she cannot articulate.
  • Jimmy asked Clark how he got so fit once and Clark was like “uh, farming. farm. eyup.” But he kept pressing for deets and Clark ended up just telling him that he’d pulled a Milo of Croton??? He lifted a newborn calf over his head and then just did that every single day until he was lifting a cow over his head. Jimmy knows nothing about farming or cows or physical fitness and this seemed plausible enough to him.
  • He has a blog where he posts rejected articles and it is the wonkiest thing in the entire world because that is why they got rejected. Perry takes one look at these articles and is like “it will take more words than I want to pay you for just to explain the setup for this article and also there are five people total who care, in the world, including you”
  • He has to be really careful when he buys clothes because he needs to make sure that they aren’t too tight and he has full range of motion. He does not want to relive The Skinny Jeans Incident. Shirts that say ‘I flexed and the sleeves fell off’ are only funny until it happens to you, then they are just horrible reminders. Popped seams everywhere. There is no way to explain that without looking like a huge tool.
  • Even when Superman has a really shitty day he keeps it together until he gets home, but then he shuts the balcony door and peels off his costume and Clark does the Tina Belcher groan for like ten minutes while he takes a shower because he got covered in sewer mutant or space crab or god knows and UUUUUUUUUUGH. Fortunately the nice older lady in the apartment next door always seems to know when he has had a shitty day and she brings him pie.
  • She can hear his melodramatic bullshit from over at her place, that’s how she knows. They share a bathroom wall and it practically echoes. If she times it right he will answer the door before he has put a shirt on because he doesn’t want to leave her waiting in the hall. She does not know what his day job is and it definitely does not occur to her that he is Superman because her primary interaction with him is that he acts like a whiny bitch and she brings him pie so she can ogle him. She is a simple woman who enjoys life’s simple pleasures.
  • The Kryptonian language is really complicated in terms of tonality, context, word order, musicality, etc, and the written language reflects that. Things like the order things are in, how things overlap, colors, etc, are all important. So basically I really like the idea of his symbol being one that represents his family name and says that he is of the House of El. It’s really just basically his last name.
  • If Starfleet gets to have replicators then Krypton gets to have replicators and Jor-El definitely stuck one in the ship so his son would have, you know, food and clothing. But only Kryptonians can use their tech because they’re who the neural interface is designed for so whoops they got real lucky that Kryptonian babies love milk from Earth goats. Clark only started using the replicator later but it only knows how to make Kryptonian things and only some of those are useful to him.
  • Okay so here is where I tie those last two bullet points into something fucking dumb that you will take out of my cold dead hands: Clark got the costume out of the replicator. It didn’t necessarily understand what he wanted though? Like, the concept of a costume didn’t really translate, but it got the idea that he wanted an active uniform, so that is what it made. It’s brightly colored and has his last name on the front. Clark is wearing a Kryptonian football jersey is what I’m getting at. Later Kara will be VERY confused by this. Imagine ending up on an alien planet and meeting your cousin and he’s been fighting crime dressed like a quarterback.
  • Most telepathy does not work because different neural patterns. Diana can only manage it if she uses her lariat and even then it’s like trying to lasso a freight train that does not stop. It’s extremely disorienting. J'onn has just accepted that Superman can hear him but he’s not going to get anything back. It’s like the psychic equivalent of a dial tone for him. He’s trying to call his bro but their family has dialup. He tries not to fuck with it because he doesn’t want to poke around in Superman’s head blind and break something.
  • Clark can’t type with super speed because he’ll break the keyboard and the computer can’t keep up. Instead he uses shorthand along with a custom set of AutoHotKey macros and it is honestly infuriating how fast he can get things written with this setup. But also if he doesn’t have AutoHotKey on whatever he’s typing with then sometimes Lois will get an email like: ll] dyk f pw mde a dec wrt t $l stry? ]ck
  • A woman was told by her therapist to try talking to at least one person once a week but she decided to cheat by just talking to her empty apartment under the guise of telling Superman about her day because lol he can hear everything allegedly so this definitely counts and is what the doctor was going for with this. When she has to go to the hospital for a medical emergency she comes home and there is a note on her counter wherein Superman explains that he was worried because he hadn’t heard from her in a while, so he swung by to check on her. When he found out what happened he watered her plants and fed her goldfish and also that cat that he thought might be hers (she does not have a cat). She is completely mortified because she was just being full of shit she did not actually believe he could hear her oh god what all did she even say and whose cat is this???
  • Look if you are in Metropolis and you loudly say HEY SUPERMAN there is a very good chance he will hear it even if he doesn’t mean to. He is not trying to eavesdrop, that’s just what happens when you yell someone’s name in earshot.
  • He doesn’t wear the costume under his clothes because you may have noticed a running theme here where the universe is conspiring to ruin his clothes and leave him running around shirtless all the time. I mean thank god for the rest of us but he would rather not risk someone spilling their drink all over him somehow and suddenly his shirt is transparent and you can see the big S. It’s bad enough when it happens under ordinary circumstances. How often can one man get drinks spilled all over him? You would be shocked. Shocked. His eyes are up here, Lois.

Hello tumblr! I would like to take the time to explain some of this British/Irish politics stuff that is happening right now. I’m not an expert, but apparently neither is anyone else (including Theresa May), so I’m going to run down what I know, so that everyone who wants to understand can get up to speed (as much as I’m able to get you there). If anyone who is an expert wants to correct me or add anything then please, please do.

(Quick note: Remember that the UK is a country, but it also made of other countries including Northern Ireland.)

First, some history: Britain has had a very tumultuous relationship with Ireland basically forever. There’s a LOT to go over, so I’ll just kind of massively over-simplify and say that Ireland became a British colony and fought its way out until only 6 counties were undecided about being part of the UK.* Conflict known as The Troubles started in the ‘60s.

The Troubles: The counties of Northern Ireland consisted (and still consist) of a mixture of two key ideologies; those who considered themselves British (unionists), and those who considered themselves Irish (republicans).** The former, wanted Northern Ireland to stay as part of the UK, but the latter wanted Northern Ireland to rejoin the rest of Ireland as one sovereign state - they arguably settled into a kind of a ‘draw’*** in the 1920s. When the fighting began in the ‘60s, the republicans were, rightly, pissed that they were being discriminated against by the unionist authorities - they wanted to be treated fairly, and asking and then demanding it clearly wasn’t working, so they resorted to force. This kicked off thirty years of fighting, involving a variety of paramilitary groups, activists, Northern Irish police, politicians, and the British army. Thousands of people died (mostly civilians), and there was bombing throughout the UK. Eventually, after a lot of work, a peace-deal was brokered: The Good Friday Agreement (GFA).

The Good Friday Agreement: In order to bring an end to the both the fighting, but also the state-sponsored discrimination that started it, a contract was brought up between the republicans and the unionists. It’s pretty complex, but some key points are these: 

  • A forced coalition of republicans and unionists must run the country 
  • The majority of people want to stay in the United Kingdom but there are loooads who want to be part of Ireland: If there is ever a time when this switches, and the majority wants to unite with the Republic of Ireland, then the UK is bound to allow it.
    • (A reason this is so groundbreaking is because Britain had never before recognised that both these ideas were totally legitimate)

Key to this contract is the concept of ‘impartiality’. To properly manage a country with such distinct and opposing viewpoints, you have to be emphatically impartial between the two (and the legitimacy of both viewpoints therefore implicit). This is why the forced coalition is so important. 

That was in 1998, and Northern Ireland has pretty much been peaceful ever since (there is the odd bombing every now and then) but obviously it’s kind of part of the whole deal that the two sides will never see eye-to-eye completely. Unfortunately…

Recent UK political history: I won’t go into too much detail, but basically the Conservative party were having a bit of a power struggle and David Cameron (the Prime Minister at the time) decided to sort it out by saying he’d hold a referendum about whether the UK should be part of the EU. And in 2016, he kind of had to follow through with that. It was a dumb decision with no forethought whatsoever, and the discussions around it were of the same ilk. Anyway, as we all know, without any idea what would happen once the decision was made, the UK slightly voted to Leave more than to Remain (this is known as Brexit because of course it is a dumb name like that). David Cameron resigned because whoops, and we got Theresa May - we didn’t get to vote for her or anything, we just got her. 

This year, she decided she wanted a more firm support to go into Brexit negotiations with Europe, so she called a snap election. Elections are typically every 5 years and our last one was only in 2015, so it was early. LITTLE DID SHE KNOW, good old Jeremy Corbyn (who I could talk about at length as well but I won’t) and his Labour crew brought their A-Game, and destroyed the Tories as much as they could without actually winning the election.

Basically, Britain has a dumb system called ‘first-past-the-post’. The gist of it is as follows: Each political party has their own leader, and that leader becomes the prime minister if their party wins. When you go to vote, you vote for a local MP for your constituency (or local area) representing his or her party and that counts towards the national wins - or seats - of that party. For example, you might vote for a local Labour candidate and, if that Labour candidate wins, their seats are added to the Labour party seats to see whether or not the country wants them doing a good rule of the whole place. To have a strong mandate, i.e. to be large-and-in-chaaarge, a political party has to get a ‘majority government’ - this is defined as winning 326 seats. If they don’t get that, they must form a coalition with another party to pick up the seats that they’re missing - this tends to be the biggest party teaming up with one of the much smaller ones. In 2010 nobody got enough seats****, and the Tories took over from the Labour party by getting the Lib Dems into a coalition with them; then they somehow got even more control in the 2015 election by getting a majority government on their own little leggies (no Lib Dems required).

In this election, again, no party got enough seats - so the Tories had to try and get a coalition going. But there was a problem! All the other parties they could turn to, had said they would absolutely not form a coalition with them. WHAT TO DO? Well, remember we were talking about Northern Ireland earlier…

I KEEP THINKING I’M NEAR THE END AND THEN MORE INFORMATION IS HAPPENING: Northern Ireland has for a while been run by a coalition between the Democratic Unionist Party (DUP) and Sinn Féin. The former is unionist (obviously); the latter is republican. This had been going pretty well, till something called the Renewable Heat Incentive (RHI). This was a system to help businesses move towards renewable energy sources, thereby reducing UK carbon emissions. Essentially, businesses were given subsidies to change their heating methods over from non-renewable sources. But it was done in a shambolic way - people were basically being paid to just have their heat on aaaall the time, and there was no cap on subsidies so they could just heat their way to an unethical, but apparently perfectly legal, fortune. SCANDAL HAPPENED when it was revealed that this whole thing was going to cost Northern Ireland huuuundreds of millions of pounds and also look what a hash job everyone has done. Arlene Foster, leader of the DUP was asked to stand down while an enquiry happened but she refused and, in protest, the leader of Sinn Féin (Martin McGuinness) resigned from his post (and then subsequently resigned from the party and then died). Sinn Féin refused to put someone else forward to lead their half of the coalition, so Arlene Foster couldn’t lead either! Northern Ireland, therefore, had to have an election even though they had JUST HAD ONE in 2016. So they had another in March and the unionists headed into shaky ground - they lost a whole lot of seats, so only had one more than Sinn Féin. Sinn Féin continued to demand that Arlene Foster step down, and Arlene Foster continued to refuse, meaning they still couldn’t form a government. They were given a deadline to form one, or they would be put under Direct Rule (this means Westminster taking over running Northern Ireland), which is NOT IDEAL considering. (Also Brexit is happening!!! Ireland is part of Europe!!! The Northern Irish border with Ireland is a sensitive thing!!! Nobody talked about this during Brexit and they’re all fucking idiots!!!) The deadline passed, so they extended the deadline… And then Theresa May called a national election! WHAT A CLEVER CLOGS. This fucking idiot called an election in the most unstable time in Northern Ireland since the fucking ‘90s. Northern Ireland now has to go back to the polls once again! So they push back the deadline some more and then the election happens and GUESS FUCKING WHAT…

CLUSTERFUCK: Theresa May, a monumental shitshower of idiocy, doesn’t have enough seats to run the country, and nobody wants to team up with her horrible party, and now she’s fucked! But WAIT, what about the party that is embroiled in a corruption scandal and is currently unable to run its own country? That’s a good idea. Let’s get them involved. Theresa May and the DUP decide to join up. 

Now. Remember a little thing from nearer the beginning of this stupidly long post: The Good Friday Agreement? The culmination of years of peace-process discussions after and through decades of war and terror? The thing the relies on an impartial government? How impartial is the Tories getting in bed with the DUP - the unionists? Not very impartial, if you don’t mind me saying. So now not only is Northern Ireland in a mess over the Cash for Ash scandal, and unable to run itself, but ALSO Theresa May is shitting all over the only real thing that’s kept the peace for nearly 20 years. And we still don’t know what’s happening with the Ireland/NI border! And we still have a deadline for a NI government to be sorted out! And the official plan for when that doesn’t happen is Direct Rule! And you can’t possibly run Direct Rule with one of the coalition parties that is refusing to run the fucking country! And Direct Rule is kind of kryptonite for GFA anyway! IT’S A FUCKING LUDICROUS, ILLEGAL, DANGEROUS MESS. 

And that’s all I have to say about that.


*That’s not exactly what happened. Ireland was colonised, fought for home rule (which is like being in charge of their area, while still be a British colony), and was partitioned in the 1920s because lots of people in these few Northern counties wanted to be ruled by the British government. The Irish Free State was created soon after, and Northern Ireland had the option to be part of that as well, but their government decided nah.

**This divide invariably fell along Protestant vs Catholic lines which lots of wilfully ill-informed British people will tell you is all the fighting was about. Actually there is a very long history related to this divide, which involved purposeful subjugation of Catholics in Ireland, to the point that the Irish Potato Famine could be considered attempted genocide of Irish Catholics by the British (protestants).

***Northern Ireland has since had the right to leave the UK if that’s what its people want, but that hasn’t happened and… Well, read on.

****This is known as a ‘hung parliament’. Hung parliaments do not happen a lot. there was one in 2010, as detailed above, and I think the one last before that was way back in the ‘70s. 

Abuse of Power

Title: Abuse of Power

Rating: pg

Pairing: JongTaeKey (more TaeKey this time)

Summary: Taemin’s functioning skills are seriously lacking. Continuation from Be Our Baby


Taemin wakes immediately to the sound of Key’s voice, gentle but firm like velvet wrapped around his mind. His eyes open after some effort and he looks around the room bleary eyed to see that Jonghyun isn’t next to him in bed. Figures. Jonghyun hardly ever slept at regular hours.

“Taemin you need to wake up, sweetie…” Key whispers even though they know that Taemin’s awake by now.

He runs a hand through his mussed black hair and puffs out a sleepy breath, rolling so that he can bury his nose into his pillow again, not exactly eager to leave the gentle hug of the warm blankets around his frame.

“Gnhhh…I don’t want to, Key…I’ll just stay in bed all day, I think.” Taemin grumbles, nuzzling even deeper into the pillow that muffles his voice.

Key humphs at Taemin’s comment and attempts to get Taemin to leave the bed by switching the heated blanket off and blasting the air conditioner; the closest they can get to yanking the blankets from Taemin’s lanky frame.

Keep reading


3 new post card prints arrived today! They all turned out great, except you can sorta see a white border on some of the holiday card ones, shoulda paid more attention to the bleed whoops… (Yes it’s the same holiday card as last year except with 2015 instead of 2014…i spent a long time on that card and figured why not OTL)

I also tried my first artist alley-size poster prints, just a test run. Again I was dumb and shoulda paid more attention to the bleed, these were a lot more noticeable, but since I only ordered enough for me and I have white walls, I don’t mind very much lol.

The freak who has their own art on their wall. Shhhh it’s not like there are a lotta BH6 prints available in general okay, I’m allowed to self indulge >.>;;;;

Still making and hoarding merch for hypothetical online store that will open who knows when and possibly a giveaway.

(I wanted to do a fandom holiday card exchange thing but I realize now that it’s prolly not wise to hand out my address to strangers given certain groups in the fandom and a concern for safety…*sigh* Do lemme know if anyone has any ideas…)

Some things you need to appreciate about hit the diamond

-ruby and sapphire literally being too fucking gay to function.

-the original useless lesbians.

- ruby agreeing to act casual only to immediately fuck up.

-“…that’s my word.”

- “this plan sucks.”




- pearl saying ‘earl’ all deep and dramatic and husky.

-lapis giving zero fucks about anything

- Steven: “stop being so cute.”

Ruby: *does something unintentionally cute*

Steven: “what did I just say?”


- “whoops.”

Well, lemme think…Cause accordin’ to tons’f people around me, I dunno, dude, it seems I do a buncha dumb things!  Ruinin’ Dipper’s p-terodactyl pictures, knockin’ over that one girl with th’ purse at the mall, eatin’ a piece’f pizza I found in the DVD player…oh, wait.  That was the coolest thing I’ve ever done, not th’ stupidest.  Heheh, whoops!

But when it comes t’my definition of doin’ somethin’ stupid, it kinda falls in a different category.  See, I try t’be a nice, fun-lovin’ Soos, right?  Th’ last thing I wanna see is anybody gettin’ their feelings hurt, dude.  But th’ stupidest thing anyone can do is be th’ one hurtin’ their feelings.  Cause that–that’s just messed up, dude.  And so that’s how I messed up!

But lemme explain.

See, a few years back I used to be like, mega obsessed with this MMORPG called RoonScoop.  It was basically this online world where you could deck out in medieval fantasy outfits and complete all these quests n’ stuff?  Bottom line, it was super neat, and I was really into it at the time.

Anyway, seein’ as the MM in MMORPG stands for “massively multiplayer” (not like, the candy M&M’s, sorry dude!), I was always playin’ online with tons of new people.  There was lots’f teamwork n’ cooperation involved, but for th’ most part, everyone knew how to play pretty well!  With the help’f tons of those dudes, I was able to level up pretty high and get myself involved in th’ real meat’f the game.

But dude…that’s when I met him.

It wasn’t too bad at first, dude—it just started out with this one guy followin’ me around, tryin’ to help me out with quests n’ stuff.  Which is awesome!  I did that kind’f stuff with other players all th’ time, but there was just one problem.

This guy…he was like a super low level, dude.

And on top’f that, it was like he didn’t even know how to play.  At all.  One minute we’d be fightin’ bad guys and his technique would make us all nearly die.  The next we’d be exchangin’ items before a battle and he’d trade away literally every single good thing he had.  He—he was weighin’ us down, dude!

And while I tried t’be polite about it, he wouldn’t leave me and my pals alone, and th’ other guys were really pressurin’ me to do somethin’ about it…

So that’s, uh…that’s when I did a real jerkish thing.

I told him off, dude. In front’f everyone.  It was awful, cause when you’re playin’ online, you tend t’forget that there’s another guy on the other side’f the screen!  So I said a lotta things I regretted, about how we didn’t want him hangin’ with us anymore, not until he learned not t’screw up.  As soon as I said it—uh, typed it—I felt super bad, but before I could apologize, the guy vanished.

I didn’t feel like playin’ much after that, so I logged off, too.

And this is where it gets real bad…That night durin’ dinner I was talkin’ to my Abuelita, and it turns out Mrs. Roland down th’ street had a little kid, Brandon, who was gettin’ cyberbullied.  On that site.  By a guy with my username.

Th—that was me, dude.

It was bad enough I exploded at a random guy on the internet, but at a kid? And even worse, it was a kid that I knew. Like, of course he was gonna make mistakes, he didn’t know any better! All th’ stuff I said t’him was stupid and terrible, so I realized right at that moment that I had to make things right!  Soos style!

So the very next day, I woke up bright n’ early, went to my neighbor’s doorstep, and apologized.  I told Brandon that I understood if he was still mad at me, but turns out, dude, he was super chill about it!  We became epic bros on RoonScoop from then on, dude.  Turns out a little compassion can go a long way, huh?

So yeah, dude…That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.  And since then, I never wanna do anything like that again, y’know?  I always try t’be real good with kids, and honestly, I’ve ended up havin’ more fun than I ever did with my pretentious, older RoonScoop teammates!

See, th’ thing about kids is you can be yourself, and they’re not gonna judge you or anything!  And best’f all, they forgive you even when you do th’ stupidest things, cause they know as well as anybody else that tons’f people make mistakes.  And havin’ friends like that?  Those are th’ best kind of all!

So yeah. In th’ past, I used to flinch whenever I saw Brandon’s username come online.  But as it turns out, things change, dude:  Now, the title Paladin_Radmaster has stuck with me!

Years later, he even let me use it for my FCLORP name! 

If that’s not true friendship, dude, I don’t know what is!


khaleesimaka  asked:

SoMa and 34 meeting at a masquerade ball au

*bites fingernails because I did something so similar to this for Halloween so this is short and dumb whoops*


The point of a masquerade wasn’t really to conceal one’s identity; at an event that was all about seeing and being seen, actually hiding who you are would be counterproductive. And at a New Years Eve masquerade thrown by the Evans family themselves, easily one of the most exclusive invitations of the year before the year had even begun, that went double.

The masked man Maka had spent the last half an hour dancing with didn’t seem to care, however. He was wearing a traditional Venetian carnival mask, the kind that covered your whole face, painted red and obviously custom-made, as it was designed to match his tuxedo. She had to admit, it was spurring her curiosity to find out who was behind the plaster and shining lacquer.

“Enjoying yourself, Ms. Albarn?” he asked, his deep voice slightly muffled through the mask.

“I’d be enjoying myself more if the introductions weren’t so one-sided. You seem to know me, but I don’t know you.”

He chuckled. “Are you really that curious?”

“Perhaps a better word would be intrigued.” She couldn’t quite help the flirtatious tone in her voice, because in addition to being a skilled dancer, he was also witty and an interesting conversationalist once you drew him out a little.

“Well then, at the risk of disappointing you, I think I’ll keep the intrigue on my side a little bit longer. The mystery has to work in my favor, right?”

She glared at him, but it didn’t hold, as her grin would come out.

“Tell you what, Ms. Albarn, if you’re willing to stick with me through the last two dances until the unmasking at midnight, I promise I’ll actually let you see my face instead of hiding to avoid having to talk to people.”

She raised an eyebrow, and she couldn’t help but be even more… well, intrigued. “Deal.”