the last one i posted was months ago but i've been busy

I've gotten comfortable with Mr.

Soooo I’ve had the same SD for 8 months and counting. 

 I get $2k to spend time with him, kiss on him…no sex 😭 Yea I said it. No sex.

 Keep in mind this is rare. Girls ask me all the time where to find platonic daddies…. 

 You don’t. You make them. 

 He wanted all the goods. They all do 🌚 but I’ve been holding out and so far survey says…. 


 Now here’s the ugly truth… 

 I’ve had to kiss a lot of frogs. 🤢 [i mean they’re all frogs right?] But I mean is that I’ve had to deliver the cookie with many SDs. I’ve only had 2 that didn’t get much from me.

 #1 [we will call him Eli….no not Pope….see what I did there? 😏]

 Met him at the strip club back in the day… Lmao who am I?

Met him 5 years ago in the club. He came to see one of my friends…well I don’t really have friends but you know…more on that later. 

She didn’t come in that day. Neither did the other girl he came to see. The sugar gods were smiling down on my that day y'all… 

 So I convinced him that he needed to dance with me. He was a Scorpio so that’s an accomplishment in and of itself…Scorpios stick to what they know [YES SIGNS MATTER….more on that in my members only tell all 💓] 

 So I get him to dance with me. He tells me he eats the other girls out. [🤢🤢🤢] But in the back of my mind I’m pep talking myself bc I know he racks out. 

Defining moment for me…I let him do it. Pretend the fuck out of that for 20 mins and walk out with 1500 

🙄🤔📝 1500 

Keep in mind that I knew the place I worked at very well and since we had specials I would count each dance instead of doing the special. 

 Basically…SCAMMER HEAUX. 

So I get his digits. 

We go out and he gives me like $500 or something….🤔📝 

So fast forward to me hanging with my “friend” she gets to talking about how her SDs stopped fucking with her…. 🤷🏽‍♀️ 

 She calls him and he makes up excuses about why he can’t see her…. 

 Well…I told him to cut her off. 

He spent 1500 every week for like 2-3 months 🤔📝 

Then I convince him that I need to replace his admin for his business. At that point I’m making 1700 every 2 weeks doing paperwork in his office. He would pay for every expense I had…car, nails, phone, my house….everything. 

 I didn’t have to do not a thing with this man after I left the club 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

 That lasted 2 years. 🤔📝 yep 2 years of living comfortably raking in that dinero, the yen, them pounds…. 

 Now that I think about it, I’m about to teach y'all about finances. I blew every red scent 😭😒 

 Now 4 years later [last winter] I find #2….I moved from LA to NY. 

Keep in mind I had gone through a few SDs that wanted me to deliver. 

#2 [we will call him Mr.] It’s been 8 months and all I’ve done is kiss him. I get $2k a month…he’s also taken me shopping and spent a substantial amount each time…[receipts are my recent money posts] 

 I went MIA bc I thought I was transitioning into a spoiled gf but let me tell y'all… 


 So recently he bought me a new AC unit and an expensive ass camera for my creative ventures. I’ve still done nothing. 

He’s currently on amazon ordering me new beats bc mine “broke” 🙄 [my sister wants a pair] 


1. I’m ruthless and nobodies sugar daddy is safe. Adopt this thought process. Be ruthless. 

2. No one is your friend. No one. Benjamin will never do you dirty. 

3. You can’t “find a platonic daddy”. They are home grown and not everyone can do it. 

4. I’m not the rule. I’m the exception. [Let this soak in] Don’t think you’re going to pop into the bowl and get the same results. Most don’t. I’ve been at this for a min. My natural personality allows me to be crafty, witty, calculated etc. I didn’t read some book. I tested my own theories and they worked. Sometimes they didn’t. 

5. I’m old school. I may have found Mr. on tinder but for the most part I have rich men falling over me every where I go. I can teach you the game, but it’s up to you to apply it. In some cases, personality is what trips you up. Things I have naturally are things you’ll have to learn. It takes time to find a good SD and sink your claws in. [notice the time difference between the 2?] 

That’s all for now cuz I’m at the gym but stay tuned!

akigriffin  asked:

I've always had this headcanon where Maruis and Cosette are each other's first love, and it's as sickening cute as it is in the book and everyone thinks they'll be together forever. Then they both realize they're bi and not actually in love anymore (two separate discoveries). They break up, stay BFFs and fall in love with other people. (namely Courf and Ep)

Hey, this speaks to me on a veeeery personal level, friend. This post will be long and have feelings and stuff.


Cosette had been thinking about things for months. Unpleasant things, things that made her mood change and her mouth curve downwards in an uncharacteristic mope.

She could deny and try to pretend for as long as she wanted. But when it really came down to the quiet moments like these, she knew in her heart that her relationship with Marius had run its course. They felt much more like friends than lovers, more like roommates than cohabiting partners.

The worst thing about it was that everybody perceived them as perfect. She’d lost count at the amount of times somebody had aww’d in their general direction, described them as goals or told them they were perfect for each other.

But they weren’t, and it hurt- but Cosette was sick of pretending. She was also sick of fantasising about dates with other, pretend people. 

It was an awful call of judgement, to make such a sudden decision to break things off over a petty squabble over dinner. But it wasn’t the little thing that broke her, it was the collection of little things that became a mountain of one big unspoken thing. She was unhappy, and they had stopped bringing out the best in each other a long time ago.

There was crying and frustrated arguments and desperate attempts for each of the other to understand what they were saying, but by 9:00PM that night, they were done.

Marius & Cosette the perfect couple were no more.

Marius and Cosette the individuals were just beginning. 

Keep reading

How the surrogacy time line could have gone (impov) inspired by @pieces-falling-from-me

“We can do this.” 

 “We can do this.” 

 Callie and Arizona held hands as they made their way to their living room to interview various surrogates. A perky blonde with green eyes and petite frame waved as the potential people she’d be working for stepped in. 

 Laughs were shared, jokes were made, and some snippets of childhood memories filled the house. Just as the sun was setting, the last woman they interviewed left with a cheerful good bye. 

 “So?” Callie asked. “What do you think?” 

 Arizona bit her lip, knowing that her next words were going to shock her wife. “I don’t want any of them.” 

 Callie’s expression fell, brown eyes studying glistening blue eyes that shook. “This is about your fellowship isn’t it?” 

 Arizona held up her hands. “No, Callie no.” She sighed and took a step closer to Callie; she needed to feel her presence, feel those chocolate brown eyes engulf her in love and support. 

 “Please, if you don’t want a baby just-”

 “I want to carry.” 

 Callie scoffed in disbelief, her arms crossing to protect herself. Arizona sensing Callie’s guard came up splayed pale fingers on wide hips. “I’ve thought about it. The past few days. Seeing all of these women rave about their health and go on and on about their joy into bringing a life into this world…I want that. I’m scared but…” 

 Callie could feel Arizona’s strength dissipate, allowing her body to engulf Arizona into her arms. She let Arizona’s lips kiss her neck and the vibration of her voice trail down her spine. “I want this. I want all kids of kids with you and I’m ready to try again.” 

 After three IVF trials, Arizona found out she was pregnant after a hesitant bathroom trip some months ago. She was casually eating a salad when that Mystery Meat Taco Tuesday meal wafted past her nose. Her stomach churned, a concerned Callie placing a hand on her back just before the blonde shot up and ran to the nearest bathroom.  

 After hurling on her knees for a few minutes, Callie showed up; she slowly opened the door, her wife’s head beaded with sweat and she held up their now prized object. 

 A pregnancy test.

 After finding it was positive, they both cleared the rest of their surgeries for the day and celebrated by taking Sofia out for milkshakes at their favorite diner. 

 Now, 5 months along, Arizona licked her ice cream cone before speaking up. “Sofia, remember how we talked about giving you a brother or sister?” 

 Taking a generous lick herself, Sofia nodded. “Mhmm.” 

 “Well, you’re going to have one this summer.” Callie chimed in. She was nervous about her daughter’s response, how she’d feel about another baby being in their life, another person they’d have to dedicate their attention to.  

 Sofia bit into her waffle cone resulting in a dab of vanilla ice cream smearing over her lips. “So I’m going to be a big sister?” 

 “You are!” Arizona lay a hand on her back. 


 And it was as simple as that. 

 “Look what I found hidden with Sofia’s old things.” 

 After finding out that they were going to have another daughter, Callie and Arizona were quick to rummage through some old clothes and toys Sofia used to have to save money. 

 “Awe!” Arizona took the onesie in her hands, tears welling up in her eyes. 

 I love my mommies. 

 “I love Teddy for making this.” 

 She set the article of clothing on her huge stomach and looked at Callie with happiness; like real, true, butterfly invading your stomach happiness. With just a few more days until their daughter was scheduled to be born, Callie and Arizona enjoyed each other with light kisses and constant belly talk that Sofia gladly joined in on.  

 A sharp pain coursed down her lower back before a “pop” sounded in the room. 

 “Please tell me you couldn’t hold your bladder…” Callie said slowly. 

 Stunned herself at the abrupt and unexpected surprise, Arizona’s eyes widened in fear. “I-I think my water just broke. “ 

 They rushed to the hospital and sent Sofia to stay with Arizona’s parents. Addison greeted them a few hours later after a shouting and panicked Callie Torres called her while she was enjoying her lunch with her own family. 

 “Are we ready to deliver a baby today?” 

 Glaring and clenching her teeth almost to the point of chipping a tooth, Arizona groaned. “Please, just get her out of me. I,” she held her breath when another wave of pain washed over her. “Ow!” 

 Callie held her hand, letting Arizona squeeze as tightly as she wanted and gently brushed a piece of blonde hair behind her ear. “You’re doing great, sweetie.” 

 Lifting Arizona’s gown and checking how dilated Arizona was, Addison smirked and scribbled something onto her chart. “This baby wants to get out. It looks like you’re already 10 centimeters dilated, Arizona.” 

 “Oh, thank god,” she gasped clutching Callie’s hand harder than before. 

 After thirty minutes of pushing, cursing, blood, sweat and many tears, their new baby cried and screamed as she entered the world. 

 “Wow,” Callie looked at the baby, glanced at Arizona before focusing all of her attention on the tiny, tiny human in Addison’s hands.  

 “A beautiful baby girl.” Addison smiled warmly. 

 “She looks just like you, Arizona.” Well, as much as a new born could. 

 Callie cut the cord, impatiently waited for the nurses to clean her up and beamed as she finally placed their baby girl in Arizona’s arms.  

 “I love you so much.” Arizona whispered in exhaustion. Her blue eyes met Callie’s brown, a silent conversation going on before them. 

 “Thank you,” Callie said kissing Arizona’s forehead. 

 “I love you.” 

flotsamnjetsam  asked:

Hey Paul! I've been following you for a few years now, on dA and in the last year or so here. I remember you went they a bit of a dry period awhile back, maybe 2-3 years past. You've been super busy lately. Were you in a bit of a slump and if so how did you get past it? Your work has just blossomed and the technical shit like detailed metal work and backgrounds are just killer!

Hey Flotsam!

Two to three years ago would’ve been when I was starting to get work for the first time in comics. If I had to remember it fondly, I would say it was the final beats of my training montage. My work wasn’t great, but it was becoming salable. I had just gotten my first inquiry from an editor, which felt like a big deal at the time, and I was going to sell my first sketchbook/comic short at ECCC.

If there’s one thing I have learned over and over again, it’s that there’s no one moment. You’re going to think there is a thing–an email, a social media exchange, a phonecall–that finally is going to change your luck, but they are all just tiny pieces of your mounting success. You’ll look back three months later and laugh that the thing you were hoping for didn’t pan out. Or hey, maybe it did, and now you’re negotiating a contract while you wait for work to start, and you still have to sweat paying the bills. It’s never instant. So we get to the heart of your question, how to move on? I like to draw. Apparently I like to draw more than I like making money, because to this day, drawing has not afforded me an overly comfortable living. I am thankful I can draw, and keep a roof over my head. But I cannot draw and buy that new pair of shoes I need. I can’t draw and always buy that new videogame I want to play with my friends. Hell, I barely even have time to play videogames with friends. But I…

I never stopped drawing. I like it too much. It defines me, and it’s what I want to be known for. Even when I go dark, and I don’t get to post the little scraps I hope you all enjoy looking at as much as I enjoy making, I never really stop drawing. I’m up to my eyeballs in work I probably can’t share for over a year right now, but I still find time to draw for myself a few times a week. What I’m trying to say is: if the work is important to you, you’ll keep going. You’ll need to keep making and improving and chasing that unattainable goal of better and faster.

Best of luck, and thanks for the kind words!

wicdiv 31 thoughts

i didn’t post anything last month because i got my issue pretty late and was busy in general, but thankfully i got 31 a few days ago and decided to write down all of my thoughts while i have time! (and to distract myself from some…wildly complicated email problems. technology is hard and if i was ananke i’d just make woden work in an IT call center as a punishment. sucks for him but great for the rest of us amirite?)

  • speaking of woden, i looked at the back cover quote as i was leaving my comic book store and laughed. “that’s your problem.” that’s 30% of woden’s character right there.
  • gillen’s right, i do want persephone’s leggings. i wonder where she shops and if she actually goes and buys clothing in broad daylight or if she sneaks around just before closing to get stuff when there’s less people.
  • i get more invested in sakhmet/persephone with every issue. more than a party, sakhmet’s inviting persephone to her favorite place, which we later see is the museum from issue 17. not sex not drinking not fighting! this is as sober as sakhmet gets on her own and she wanted persephone’s company. excuse me while i cry…
    • also persephone’s ‘be safe’ has a lot of emotion in it, but especially because that third panel is when you see that she’s making the decision to do something that might make sahmet considerably less safe
  • that face dio’s making to cass and woden? i’ve made the exact same face at 1am as i tried desperately to stay awake studying. also when i’ve had to drag drunk friends back to their rooms. the True Exhaustion face
  • another point about clothes- where is cass getting hers? persephone wears stuff that i could see being sold anywhere from forever 21 to st laurent, but cass’s wardrobe is much more custom and verging towards costume-y at times. lots of capes, which i love but where is she buying them? how expensive are they?
    • these are questions baal probably texts to cass on a weekly basis. he texts them to ammy on a daily basis with a lot of upset emojis because she has no concept of a clothing budget.
  • cass might be right about dio’s health being fucked, but she looks absolutely translucent- i wonder if her neglect of her health contributed to woden being able to take her down later on or if woden was just able to plan everything really well.
  • “like all great prophets” made me think about similarities between the greek cassandra and wicdiv cass. cassandra always told the truth but was never believed. wicdiv cass loves telling ‘truths’ to other people but isn’t quick to believe things about herself. or at least she takes new information and processes it in a way that’s already compatible with the way she thinks and how she’s ordered her world. ananke just transformed her into a god? well it’s still bullshit but i’m gonna roll up my sleeves and figure some things out!
  • anyway one of the things i love about cass this issue was after woden told her that dio likes her, she immediately went to dio to try and figure out what was going on. communication!
    • dio single-handedly ended the concept of the friendzone AND declared that his big motivation is just making people happy
    • i’m crying in the club just re-reading this
    • actually i feel like the crying in the club meme is a great wicdiv meme in general
  • persephone’s contact picture for baal is his cover from a few issues back…interesting that it’s that and not, idk, a candid picture or selfie or something. much less personal.
  • i can feel baal yelling through the phone lmao
  • i too have always wanted to rave inside a giant brain
    • one of my profs always liked to say that you have more connections in your brain than there are stars in the galaxy, and i thought of that the moment i saw the page. i think dio would like it too.
  • i died at ammy mentioning cass yelling at them through the phone
    • baal and cass are the mom and dad friends who express concern and affection through a lot of loud, aggressive yelling about responsibility and property damage
    • to me this was another quiet but interesting bit that fleshed out baal and cass’s relationship- “she is very mean.” “yeah, but she was right.” they disagree on many things and have spirited fights but i do believe that each of them have a healthy amount of respect for the other.
  • ammy saying she’s the best performer is……very ammy
  • i’m not really sure what woden’s endgame is here. all i’ve got is “shithead god doing shithead god things”
    • i mean really what does he need 44,444 people for…is he trying to tap into their brainpower to solve some kind of problem? am i only saying that because of the giant glowing brain?
  • love the way mckelvie drew sakhmet looking at the statues- lots of emotion in there 
  • oh ammy….
    • i feel like i’ll eventually have more to say about her death but even when i was reading the issue my reaction was “oh… OHH SHIT OH…oh wow” and then i went back to sipping on my matcha latte. part of that is that ammy was never a character i got attached to and i think part of it is that i haven’t really been in wicdiv analysis mode in a couple of months. more thoughts will be coming soon i’m sure!
  • oh also i read the whole issue while listening to “set it off ( 觸發)” by lu han which i think was a good choice. the chorus goes “our bodies are on the countdown/ love like a boom/ blow it up” so, y’know
The Path from Cisdudeformers to Transladyformers: Why Challenging the Status Quo Matters

So, I had the chance to attend a John Barber Q&A panel last month at TFCon Toronto, and ask a question that had been on my mind for a while: were the introduction of Cybertronian colonies and female characters in the works before Windblade, or was she the catalyst?

Now, a bit of context for those who weren’t around for the whole story. A few years ago Hasbro put up a poll on their website for a fan-created Transformer. This character would get to headline in their own comic, and get a toy made of them. The poll asked voters to select from a variety of options: their faction alignment, their alt mode, their weapon of choice - but one notable thing was missing from the poll;


Transformers has always been male character dominated, and in this case it was a foregone conclusion that the new character would be male. However, noticing the absence, fans petitioned for the inclusion of the gender option. Hasbro did so, and the results of the poll showed an overwhelming vote for a female transformer.

She became Windblade - an Autobot who fights with a sword and transforms into a jet. The first, or second [depending on your opinion of Arcee] female Cybertronian character to be introduced into the IDW comics.

But this lead to a problem - Simon Furman, in his establishment of the IDW comic verse, had explicitly written out the potential for female Cybertronian characters. They didn’t exist, because Cybertronians are genderless - with the exception of Arcee - who was given transgender surgery against their will (does this raise confusion about how you can transgender a genderless being, and then apparently have all the other characters react to them differently because of said surgery they shouldn’t be able to recognise the significance of? Yes. Am I going to focus on the mess that is Spotlight: Arcee? No, not today) and by genderless we mean all act and communicate with each other in traditionally masculine ways, use male pronouns and have body types based on male body types - to the point of including facial hair in their designs.

So then where did Windblade come from, if not Cybertron? The comics introduced the idea of colonies - war refugees who fled the war ravaged Cybertron and formed homes elsewhere, with their own unique cultures. Windblade herself is not Cybertronian, but Camien - from the colony of Caminus.

Windblade headlined a four-part miniseries, in which IDW organised an all-female creative team to take the helm, and is still a major player in the ongoing comic universe. Other female characters have been introduced, including a fan-built combiner of six ladies (Hasbro put the gender option in by default this time), a slew of lady characters of varying import, and most recently, two transladies.

Now back to the question for John Barber: were the introduction of Cybertronian colonies and female characters in the works before Windblade?

(The short answer: no).

John Barber gave a sigh and admitted that in hindsight, they should have done in sooner. He expressed a wish that they had brought female characters in during The Death of Optimus Prime, when the signal called all Cybertronians to come home - how there was no reason they couldn’t have slipped it in as a non issue straight from the beginning of his run as editor. He spoke about the creative team’s push to keep putting female characters into the comics, rather than leaving it at Windblade alone - and the team wide drive to not only include female characters, but make them significant, important characters.

He outlined the thought process behind the creation of the colonies and the decision to make them all mixed genders - beginning with their ‘how not to’ guide. He referenced the Legion of Super-Heroes - a spin-off of Superboy from back in the 1950s. Because of the time period, all the heroes and other characters were white, and in an issue in the 1970s, to explain this, the writers claimed that in this universe all of the non-white people lived on another planet that the cast never spoke about or visited. Yikes. He spoke of the Othering effect this has, and how they wanted to avoid making Camien an all-female colony for the same reason. In the end, all the colonies are mixed genders, and the characters in-universe remark on the oddity of Cybertron having such a high male-identifying collective.

He spoke at length, and while most of his answer I can only paraphrase, but there was one line that stuck with me:

‘We didn’t know how important this was, until we saw people’s reaction to it.’

And that, honestly, that’s the kind of thing I wanna nail up on the wall and draw people’s attention to. We hear a lot of backlash to the idea of equal opportunity schemes in the workplace and in media. ‘What difference do you expect to make if you’re forcing people into diversity’ - but here’s the thing, it’s not about ‘forcing diversity’, it’s about creating motivation to displace the status quo. I’m not implying people do nothing out of malice, but that’s the way the status quo is - it’s easy to maintain. Most changes aren’t made until an external factor force them. In this case, no one at IDW felt putting female characters into the comics was a priority, until it was in their faces with a deadline and contractual obligations.

But change they did. The IDW creative team has given an excellent example of what can happen when this kind of blind spot is brought up, and while they could have gone the defensive route - giving Windblade a miniseries because they had to, before shoving her back into oblivion, they embraced it. The comics have run wild with the colony worlds to explore, with the sociopolitical commentary about xenophobia and immigration at their fingertips, and the ability to create waves of new characters simply because ‘here’s another colony we didn’t mention yet’.

The IDW Transformers creative task have done good on this one - they get it. And it was good to see such honesty on display in Barber’s explanations too - dude has obviously done his homework. Serious props to everyone involved.

But the takeaway from all of this is that change starts small. A petition to amend one question on an online poll has built a whole new world of characters and colonies for the IDW comics to explore, and it’s changed the way the IDW creators view the property as well. If that hadn’t have happened, who knows where the comics would be right now - one small change can have huge consequences, but first you have to challenge the status quo.

Hilary Duff's Interview on "Reddit"
  • Fan: What will your second single be?
  • Hilary: I don't know what it's going to be!
  • Fan: Would you like to make another album down the line or will "Breathe In. Breathe Out." be your last?
  • Hilary: God, I hope not! I really want to make more music. I already want to start working on another record! I've lived with this one for so long now. I know everyone else is just now hearing it, but I'm already thinking of the next step. I will definitely not wait as long to make another record.
  • Fan: Hi Hilary! Fans were wondering about the songs that didn't make the album that you mentioned in interviews or posted clips of (i.e. Feel Alive, If I Fall, This Heart etc.) and wanted to know what happened to them and if we will ever hear them? Secondly, I wanted to know if you can see yourself making more albums after "Breathe In. Breathe Out."?
  • Hilary: That's the tough thing about making a record. You start somewhere, and you end somewhere, and only a certain amount of songs can be on a record. And the strong survive. It's sad. "If I Fall" is one of my favorite songs, and "This Heart" is a song I wrote about Luca, so maybe I'll sing it live in concert with him there, i sing it to him in general, but that's the way it goes - you cut some songs, they might not be as strong as others, but there's always options of ways to use them. Another song I wrote for the album is "Outlaw," and we put that in YOUNGER - so now we put it as a bonus track on a special record that you could only get here or there. But that's just the way it works - and you only have a certain amount of spaces.
  • Fan: Last month you performed (on my 20th birthday actually!) in front of a huge audience for the first time in a while.. how did that feel?! Do you have any plans for pop-up concerts this summer or maybe even a tour?!
  • Hilary: I do have some plans for a pop-up tour, maybe one or two shows, just to play the new music. But nothing set in stone yet. All is depending on schedule. But yeah, I definitely want to sure, I'm just shooting the second season of YOUNGER in September, taking a break for Christmas, and then getting a show together. I'm really missing playing live shows, and being onstage, and it felt so good to play that Boston radio show and see a live audience in front of me again.
  • Fan: Hey Hilary! Thanks for doing this today. I have always been a fan. Saw you twice in concert in 2004/2005. My sister & I used to fight over who loved you more!! I can't tell you how many posters we had of you. Tour books, door-sized posters, DVDs, CDs. It's been incredible to see you grow into a successful, independent, & beautiful adult. So my questions are which do you favor more? music or acting? Why? Also, what's the most meaningful song on Breathe In. Breathe Out to you? Also will we see you on Haylie's cooking show? Thank you so much!
  • Hilary: Well, first of all. That's a cute story. I have stories with my sister like that too. I would say maybe I feel more comfortable with acting, you know? I've done that longer. I feel like that was my passion as a child, and my dream. And I fell into the singing, and obviously, get something totally different from it. I love being a musician now. I think it took me a long time to consider myself that, because I really have to work at it. But being onstage, there's no other feeling like it. It's tough to choose. Being in front of a live audience is something really special. I'm trying to get an answer first! They're both so different. This season I was so upset, but I didn't get to be on Haylie's show. I was so busy with my record and traveling so much that none of our dates matched up. It was such a bummer, because it's such an amazing show, and we have so much fun together. And it's a shame, because we have so much fun cooking together. Next season, i will! My favorite song on Breathe In. Breathe Out., one that's close to my heart is "Braveheart." I wrote that song. And it's a bit of a sad song, but there's definitely strength in it. And I love that about it.
  • Fan: What would you tell the 13 year old you?
  • Hilary: Mmmm. I remember feeling really insecure at 13. Like, part of my job was...I had to have a certain confidence, and a certain bravery, but inside I felt like a very normal insecure 13 year old. And I guess I would tell her to just take it easy on herself. That everything sorts itself out. And everything's not such a big deal. And I guess I would be like "Just wait until you're an adult - Wait until you're an ADULT, if you think that's a big deal!" And I'd give her a pat on the back, and say "Good job. Calm down!"
  • Fan: A few years ago a friend and I were walking toward Avalon on a Thursday night when he spotted you at Katsuya. Being young and naive, I got very excited and turned back, at which I time I pointed at you and shouted "YOU'RE HILARY DUFF!" Then you slowly turned and walked away, seemingly frightened. Do you remember this encounter? If so, I apologize for startling you.
  • Hilary: *smiles* No, I don't remember that encounter, but I guess I'm used to being yelled at in public!
  • Fan: Hi Hilary! What is your favorite part of being a mom? What is your best remedy for when Luca has a cough?
  • Hilary: Ooh, that's a good one. I think I feel so grateful that I get to have so many new experiences with him. I mean, everything in my life has changed because of him, and all of it is for the better. It's so entertaining to watch how his little brain works, and the questions that he asks me, the things he's interested in - it's amazing to watch him grow and become a little person, and I get to watch him grow and follow along with him. And laugh a ton in the process. It's great.
  • It depends on how bad it is. They make some natural cough syrup that I will use? I'll try to keep a humidifier in his room. And put baby Vic's vapor rub on his feet and his chest when he's sleeping.
  • Fan: What's your favorite Taylor Swift song?
  • Hilary: Oooooh, toughie. Tough call. Maybe "Welcome to New York"?
  • Fan: Is there a reason why Hilary is spelled with only one "L"?
  • Hilary: Because my parents really made a huge mistake! I don't know... I like the way my name is spelled, and I think now the rest of the world knows how to spell my name, but growing up, it was pretty much ALWAYS misspelled.
  • Fan: Hiii Hilary! You are always camera ready and gorgeous, what's one makeup/beauty tip you can share with us?
  • Hilary: I am DEFINITELY NOT always camera-ready, or gorgeous, but thank you! Hmmmm. What's a good camera tip? I think not enough people focus on eyebrows. That's one thing I focus on a lot. Eyebrows frame your face. People tend to make their eyebrows too small, or too light. I think if you played around with it, you'd be surprised what the outcome would be.
  • Fan: Harry Potter or The Hunger Games? lol Love you!
  • Hilary: AWWWW that's EVIL! How am I supposed to choose?!?! HUNGRY POTTER! Yeah, I love the Hunger Games. But I might say Harry Potter.
  • Fan: What was it like working with Tove Lo? She seems like such a fun person. I'm in love with your new album and I hope you enjoyed working on it as much as I enjoy listening to it.
  • Hilary: Aww, thank you! I love hearing that.
  • Loved working with Tove. She's a cool chick, for sure. REALLY talented. And really added something special to my record. I'm really grateful for that.
  • Fan: what has been your biggest challenge to record your new album?
  • Hilary: I think... it's just been a growing experience. From the start of it to the end, it's just learning a lot about myself and about what I want to talk about and what I want to say and how I want to reach people and what I want them to know about me. How my voice sounds. It's been 7 years since I made a record. And I guess it was a very therapeutic experience, but also a lot of pressure to get it right, you know?
  • Fan: Hi Hilary, What do you have to say to your male fans? We love you, and we wish you all the best as this brand new BIBO era is about to begin! We want as many singles as possible, and come to Toronto please!
  • Hilary: I guess I would say what I would say to any of my fans, which is I'm really grateful for your support, and sticking by me for such a long time. You make an impact, and a difference, in my life. And I hope you relate to what I have to say on this record. And this is definitely going to be an exciting new journey, and I hope you come along for it!
Possibly the most important career update I've ever shared.

Hey everyone,

I’ve been trying to think of how to word this and make it short, yet completely understandable…

This will seem like a post about store orders and Kickstarter stuff, but if you’re a fan of mine at all, you should skip down and read Parts II and III.

Basically, the past year hasn’t been easy. Some people upset with me because they haven’t received their order from my online store, and some who haven’t received their Kickstarter reward, but the changes that have come to my life in light of those issues are pretty big.

I’ve already addressed the Kickstarter backers (so if you are one, simply check your email for a quite detailed truth and info explaining everything).

For those of you who are waiting for an order you’ve placed from my online store, this post is for you… This may get a bit long, but it’s the absolute truth, and will clear up ANY confusion.

My goal with this is to literally share three important things:
+ when you’re getting your orders
+ what’s happening/has happened with my online store
+ what I’m doing to fix the things that have went wrong

I want to make it very clear: every single person who placed an order will absolutely 100% receive all of their items

As for a specific date of when you’ll receive your physical rewards, read on for a better explanation of why they’re really late in the first place.

There are several parts to this. First off, one big hiccup was that my full PayPal funds were actually stolen in the Target debit/credit card leak last year. Aside from that, however, there were other big issues.

Let me preface this by saying, no one thing or person is at fault for the delay on my online store shipments. If you’d like, though, feel free to blame me, as ultimately it is all on my shoulders. Anyway… For those who don’t know, just a few weeks before I launched my new online store in June of last year, my girlfriend and I had our new son, Walt. She actually had him months ahead of when we were expecting, so everything in our lives stopped right then and there. Things got to somewhat a new normal a bit after that, and I launched my Kickstarter, new online shop, and started production on my album, “Lost Boy”.

To speed this up, I’ll simply say, the my Kickstarter project was fully funded, things were great, I was excited. Then things started to get complicated. First, I didn’t budget enough for international shipping, then several bits of funding didn’t even go through. However, this was no huge deal then. I figured I could just cover the costs of the extra shipping myself with the new videos and album release once it got fully released. Same went for my store orders.

Skip forward a bit, and basically you’ll get to a snowball effect that has happened over and over up to about a month ago (more on that in a minute.) 

What’s happened overall is this:
+ We had a baby
+ Girlfriend went back to work a couple months later, all was normal
+ I became a stay-at-home-dad, and figured I could fit in time to run my career pretty normally after I got used to it
+ Time passed, I got things done (new videos, recordings, writing, normal music career stuff, but at a MUCH MUCH slower pace)
+ More time passed, taking care of a child became more hands-on and demanding, less and less music work got done at an even slower pace
+ We’re probably about six months into it now, and I begin to realize my career is suffering. I try harder to squeeze music work in.
+ I’m getting to release less and less new videos/material as time passes, so my income starts to suffer. (No new content = no music earnings)

That last point is basically the nail in the coffin. In the past year, I have literally done all in my power to fix all this. I’ve sold many of my possessions, I’ve looked for side music jobs that I could work on to make quick money, I’ve borrowed money from family members, and more. Every single time, something more important came up that was an immediate real human need (groceries, rent, baby food, etc) so real life won out each time I tried to earn the extra to finally get more Kickstarter and online store items sent out.

It took a lot of personal reflection and planning to figure this out. For the past ten years I’ve been making music professionally. The thing is, I still make enough from my music to pay my bills, but that’s it. There’s hardly any extra for groceries, and there’s definitely not been any for months now for taking care of music business costs (like finishing the delayed shipments on the online store).

Now, here are the two specific things I’m doing to fix this…
1. About three weeks ago I started working my first part-time job in over ten years. I’m now literally doing every single thing in my power to fix not just this Kickstarter and my online shop, but my career. I’ve got the job, am still a stay-at-home-dad the rest of the time, and any free time I get I’m writing and recording. There’s still a good bit to fix. Ha, right now I’m attempting to dig out an over-draft from our first rent check for our new little apartment we moved into to save money. But it’s working. Slowly, but surely. (Let me mention too, my gf, Torri, is kicking butt too, and is now watching Walt when she’s not at work so I can go to work. I wake up, watch Walt til the afternoon when she gets off work, then I immediately leave for work myself most days. We’re truly a machine of trying to make this all work to better my career, which in turn betters our little family. **thank you, Torri!!!**)

2. This one is really important. As mentioned, one big thing holding me back is that I haven’t been able to release any real new music or merch or anything since this Kickstarter and previous store launch because I felt like it was wrong. I mean, how could I release new music when I don’t even have the physical cds from my previous album sent out to the awesome people who helped make it possible? But that’s just it… Until I release new music, I absolutely cannot even get the rewards shipped to you guys. So, I hope I’ve made it understandable that I need to release new music to even continue my career. Yes, my new part-time job is helping out inch by inch with my personal funding needs, but if I wait for that and my current music earnings to get me ahead enough to ship your orders, it will literally take until at least January/February or later. However, if I release a new original album or EP and the new merch I scraped to get made for tour that’s left over, then I can easily cut that time in half and hopefully get all of your items sent out by November or December at the latest!

With that said, in the near future I plan to announce a new album/EP release and an online store re-vamp with new merch that’s been printed already but just not released. Now that I have my part-time job on the side, the funds earned from that will be able to go directly to: 1) making sure the new people who order that new album/EP will get it on time, and 2) getting the past store orders & Kickstarter rewards shipped. (See, usually earnings from my music go to keeping my career running, but also a huge chunk goes to paying rent and living costs… Now I’m not going to have to worry about that big chunk going anywhere but straight back into my business costs).

Hopefully this all makes sense.
So that’s it. I literally can’t get any more truthful than that. Ha, as I’m typing this, I have sighed in relief so many times. This weight has been on my shoulders for quite some time. If you have any questions, feel free to leave them in the comments.

Thank you all so much for sticking with me, I’m still the same guy, and I still love you all and love making music… However, I’m also a father now, and from the moment my son entered the world I knew he was the new most important thing in my life. The past year has been odd and difficult, but every time I hear Walt laugh or see him smile, I know that somehow we’ll be okay if I just keep trying.


P.S. - For those wondering about the vinyl, I want to give you specifics: They are not pressed yet. They were the thing I was most excited about, but I didn’t budget them right. They ARE going to pressed, but it will take extra time. As mentioned in an earlier update though, I’ll be sending each of you vinyl orders a physical CD version as a token of promise that I AM going to get the vinyls made and you all are still going to be the first to get them.

P.P.S. - This all was difficult to share, but the truth shall set you free, right? I just want to thank you all again for being patient & sticking with me. Seriously, life is crazy and weird and difficult, but brighter days are ahead; I can feel it.