the lady doesn't even have a face

anonymous asked:

Please. I'm begging you. Having short hair doesn't make me a guy. I have boobs. I have an ultra feminine face. My voice is the highest thing ever. Hell some days I even get called a guy when I'm wearing the ultra feminine flouncy uniform shirts. The amount of times old ladies have told my manager about the 'lovely young man who helped them' or mothers who tell their children to 'Give the toy to the man' is killing me inside I'm a lesbian not a man

I get that a lot. I guess my voice is not as deep as I think and being a bigger dude give my body curves in a feminine way. But I get called miss, ma'am, and she all the time. Mostly over the phone. But when they do it I will act normal and call that little old lady sir. Most realize and fix themselves some are just dense and tell me “I’m a miss!” So I tell them “well I’m male but it hasn’t stopped you from calling me a girl.” None really give me an apology.

A side note on that when I was dating my wife we went to the restaurant named for a kind of pepper the waitress kept saying “you ladies” when she would talk to us. I tried the passive aggressive approach and when she came to take our order I told my date “So? What’s it like to date a lesbian” she turned a bright red but the server missed it and called me a lady though the whole meal. I paid and left and my now wife stayed behind and told her I wasn’t a woman and I was deeply offended. She begged hot to ask me back in so she could apologize but I just took my wife home and we never went back.

-Rodney

  • me: *trying to write*
  • brain: *whispers* have you considered jealous!Adrien over Marinette giving Nathaniel attention but he can't do anything because TECHNICALLY he's not into Marinette?
  • brain: ... HAVE YOU?
  • me: sTOP IT. HAVE MERCY.
  • brain: HAVE YOU CONSIDERED FOX!NATHANIEL?
  • brain: HAVE YOU CONSIDERED SUPER JEALOUS CHAT NOIR B/C THE FOX IS LIKE THE KINDEST MUFFIN. AND BOY DOESN'T HE WANT TO SMACK THE LIGHTS OFF HIS PRETTY FUCKIN FACE B/C LADYBUG IS SO. NICE. TO HIM. BUT THING IS THE FOX IS NOT IN LOVE WITH LADYBUG SO HE DOESN'T FLIRT WITH HER AND THAT ANNOYS CHAT EVEN MORE BECAUSE SHE TREATS HIM THE WAY HE WANTS HER TO TREAT HIM AND BITCH AIN'T EVEN TRYIN'. BUT THEN LADY AND CHAT REALIZE THE FOX IS IN LOVE WITH MARI BECAUSE HE KEEPS BLABBERING ABOUT HER, AND OF COURSE HE DOESN'T KNOW SHE'S THE SAME PERSON SO IT WOULD BECOME LIKE A SUPER AWKWARD LOVE HEXAGON OR SOMETHING AND PPL WOULD GET HURT REAL FRIGGIN BAD.
  • me: I DEMAND YOU TO STO--
  • brain: AND THEN CHAT NOIR ACCIDENTALLY REALIZES THE FOX IS NATHANIEL SO HE'S LIKE ARHGHHHH AND HE STARTS LOOKING FOR WAYS TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH MARINETTE BECAUSE FUCK YOU NATHANIEL. SHE ONLY GETS NERVOUS WITH ME. MINE. MY MARINETTE. AND THEN HE REALIZES HE'S CRUSHING ON HER AND SAD KITTY IS VERY CONFUSED. AND IT GETS EVEN WORSE BECAUSE THE FOX LOWKEY STARTS DEVELOPING A CRUSH ON LADY BUT HE RESPECTS HER AND SO HE DOESN'T ACT UPON IT B/C HE ALSO SUSPECTS SHE'S WITH CHAT BUT HE DOESN'T DARE ASK. BUT THEN HE DOES, AND LADY DOESN'T KNOW CHAT'S LISTENING AND SHE SAYS SHE WOULDN'T BE WITH HIM BECAUSE SHE LOVES SOMEONE ELSE. AND THEN CHAT IS LIKE SO HEARTBROKEN. AND THE FOX ASKS HER WHO IT IS, PROMISES TO KEEP IT A SECRET AND MARINETTE CONFESSES IT'S ADRIEN. AND CHAT'S RELIEVED BUT ALSO EVEN MORE HURT BECAUSE THEY'VE BEEN PARTNERS FOR SO LONG AND SHE NEVER TRUSTED HIM ENOUGH TO TELL HIM THAT AND NOW IT'S A SHITFEST OF FEELS.
  • me: pls...
  • brain: AND IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT WAY YOU TURN IT, SOMEONE IS GOING TO END UP HURT AND IT'S LIKE THE PERFECT ANGST SETTING.
  • me: ...
  • brain: write this. write this now.
  • me: no.
  • brain: you gotta...

Ladies of the Hannibal TrilogySimonetta Lecter

Hannibal loved his mother’s room with its many scents, the faces carved in the woodwork, its painted ceiling–Madame Lecter was of the Sforza on one side and a Visconti on the other, and she had brought the room with her from Milan. She scooped her jewels into the casket, and some bundled letters… Hannibal thought she looked like the cameo portrait of her grandmother that tumbled into the box.

Pokemon (Season 1) : Sentence Starters
  • "That's pretty big talk coming from such a little lady/boy."
  • "I guess it takes a worm to love a worm."
  • "Aside from you, what are the other disgusting things?"
  • "It doesn't even have a face!"
  • "A strategy? So they've planned a new way to lose!"
  • "Whoever said beauty doesn't last must've been thinking of us!"
  • "If you're the master, don't act like you're scared of it!"
  • "At least you're right about the pretty part, thanks for the compliment."
  • "I left my motorcycle parked at the front desk!"
  • "I have no family. Consider me an orphan."
  • "...What do I look like, a vampire or something?"
  • "It takes a genius to realize a fishing net is the perfect weapon!"
  • "All of us true geniuses know, of course, that it was actually the egg that preceded the chicken."
  • "Um, _______, you mean 'stalker'."
  • "Our experience is nothing but losing."
  • "I guess our secret past is not a secret anymore."
  • "Bugs are one of the three most disgusting things in the world!"
  • "Yay! _______, _______, (s)he's the best!"
  • "_______ IS STANDING RIGHT HERE!"
  • "Actually, _______, I was just about to compliment you on your flirtation technique."
  • "This is not the mansion! This little dog house is for _______."
  • "Prepare for trouble, whippersnapper!"
  • "I think I bit my tongue!"
  • "Surrender now or prepare to fight!"
When he sees a very busty woman
  • Eren: Thinking about something else or just looking away would be a quick fix, but since he already saw it, it's gonna be stuck with him forever. The poor thing wouldn't be able to get ride of the very "attractive" image in his head, and he might even remember it during random times. It would show on his face that he's thinking about it, and he would have no way to explain himself.
  • Armin: It's either he's not interested yet in those matters, or he doesn't really care. He'd be completely dense to those two things that are right in front of him, and if his friends are around, they'd be totally curious as to how he does it. In turn, he'd be confused and might even ask if it's necessary to check it out.
  • Reiner: He'd have his poker face on the whole time, but once the lady's turned around, he may do lewd actions or give suggestive faces to other people he's with. Once she's out of sight/earshot, he might bust out laughing and start rambling on with those very "mature" comments of his... which will eventually be heard or seen and would land him a nice bright red hand mark on his cheek.
  • Bertholdt: He'd immediately tell himself that it would be really rude and improper to glance at it more than once, so he would try to make his eyes look else where. He really wouldn't want to, but his eyes will land on them, so it would really bother him. His disturbance couldn't be hidden since he'd blush furiously and fidget a lot.
  • Jean: He would really, really try his best to not say anything about it, even if the words are about to fall from his lips. Like any other guy, he'd have a little naughty thoughts about it, and he would wish and pray that he weren't so frank with his words so that being quiet would be much easier for him. He may even try to hold his breath if that'd help him have some tact.
  • Marco: Instead of perving on the girl, he'd be concerned for her. If he were close friends with the woman, he may lend her a jacket if she was wearing something that's a little showy. Once that's all taken care of, he wouldn't do anything else about it since it's none of his business anyway.
  • Connie: He'd be very lucky if he saw it while he's just passing by, but he'll be very unlucky if he were to have a chat with the young lady. If the conversation were to happen, he would try to stay away from the topic of the human body. However, he'd end up talking about things with double meaning, with one of those meanings pertaining to the woman's parts. When he does realize this, he'd start apologizing and stuttering without explaining why.
  • Levi: When he does see a gifted woman, it would be the only time he'd be thankful for his height, assuming that the woman's taller, because then he could look at it a little longer than he's supposed to. As much as he'd tried to not look at it, the male instincts would kick and he'd end up just appreciating it.
  • Erwin: Of course, he appreciates a nice rack, but he'd be painfully obvious while doing so. He'd claim to be the master of stealth, and will show his friends how the proper way of checking it out is done. Alas, he's not so secretive and he'll end up with a bruise or two on his face.
So my nail lady asked if I have a boyfriend today and I think I scared her
  • *Shes like 60 something years old and she came from Vietnam when she was little her name is Maryann*
  • *asks as she's brutally tearing into my cuticles*
  • Maryann: so you have boyfriend?
  • Me: oh yea, I have five their names are Liam, Harry, Niall, Louis, and Zayn
  • *this started out as a joke and then I remembered that she's older and probably doesn't even know what one direction is so she just kind of looked at me with a face full of judgement so then I decided to have fun with this*
  • Maryann: Oui busy busy girl
  • *attach nervous laugh to the end*
  • Me: yea you could say that.
  • *everything got quiet and awkward so she tried to break the silence I was trying to hold in very strong laughter*
  • Maryann: do they know?
  • Me: oh yea, they are great friends.
  • Maryann: really? They don't fight eachother...
  • Me: nope, they never have too their schedules are equally distributed among the 5 of then
  • Maryann: you have schedule?
  • *at this point she looked extremely disgusted with me*😂😂
  • Me: oh yea I like to stay organized.
  • Maryann: is it your religion? Like arrange marriage
  • Me: no it's more of a hobby
  • Maryann: which one is your favorite?
  • Me: me and harry have a very strong connection.
  • Maryann: Oui that is very bad.
  • Me: having 5 boyfriends?
  • Maryann: No silly, peeking favorites is very bad.
  • 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 can we just take a moment and give Maryann a round of applause.

anonymous asked:

steve gets de-aged and doesn't remember the future. all he knows is that there is a metal man, and a man with a ginormus hammer, & it's terrifying bc he doesn't know them and then all of a sudden bucky's there. he's not the same bucky steve knows, he's tall, he doesn't smile, his arm is weirdly shiny, & he doesn't talk a lot, but it's bucky, & steve stops feeling so scared bc bucky will take care of him. & meanwhile bucky's just interally panicing bc this child is trusts him which is a bad idea

Steve doesn’t cry but it’s a close thing. Everything around him is smoking and broken and there are all these green people lying unconscious or really dead on the ground and there are these people in bright colors and they’re too big and they have green blood splattered across their faces, even the lady, and it’s so so scary–

–and the breath starts to leave him, dammit, he’s supposed to have gotten over this already and now is clearly not the time to–the panic keeps rising, the breath keeps catching–

“You gotta just breathe for me, Stevie,” says the most familiar voice ever, right at his side.

Steve can’t quite see, can’t keep himself standing, but that’s OK, Bucky’s got him.

“Just in and out, OK, breathe in and out,” said Bucky, pulling Steve against his chest. Steve can feel the in-and-out of Bucky’s lungs and he presses himself against Bucky’s chest, too big but he couldn’t find it in himself to care about anything but the chest breathing against his back and the same old voice in his ears.

“My god, he’s tiny,” said a robot. “He’s the tiniest ever.”

“Shut your mouth,” said Bucky, “or I’ll shut it for you.”

And, OK, there was a robot giving Bucky sass, but that was probably OK. Maybe he was dreaming, maybe aliens really had invaded like they had said on the radio last week.

“I got you, Stevie,” said Bucky and Steve believed him.

You’re afraid we’ll cramp your style,’ Clara told him.
‘You will not cramp my style.’
‘Only because you don’t have any.’ Seeing his face darken, she quickly added: ‘Joke. Just joking. Really. Ha ha. Honestly, I think you’re incredibly stylish.’
His expression lightened slightly. ‘Methinks the lady doth protest too much,’ he muttered. ‘I’ll see you later. And for your information, my style – my incredibly stylish style – is uncrampable.
— 

Doctor Who novel: Silhouette

He’s upset because she doesn’t consider him stylish, please send help and call 911, I might have a heart attack