the knight who say ni

Regarding FFXV Boys.

Me: I am not thirsty for him too. I am not. No. Nope. I do not want him. Do. Not. Want. Definitely not. Nuh-uh. No way.

The rest of the internet:

Originally posted by sydneyheathcliffdantes

Why We Should Appreciate Spamalot More
  • there’s an entire musical number based on mishearing a word (”I said ENGLAND!”)
  • Tim Curry
  • Christian Borle plays basically every ensemble character
  • “My name is Lancelot. I’m big and strong and hot” *taps butt with shovel*
  • “Become a knight and you’ll go bald!” “Become a knight and you’ll go bald!” “In suspenders and a bra!” “In suspenders and…. a bra..???…”
  • “I saw a lady in a lake-” “dead?”
  • EXCAILBUR!! ahhhhh AHHHHHH!!!! *music stops*
  • “Please reveal to this Doubting Thomas-” “Dennis.”
  • Sarah fucking Ramirez
  • “The Song That Goes Like This” being a perfect parody of just about every musical ever made
  • The absolutely fucking ridiculous expressions on Christopher Sieber’s and Sarah Ramirez’s faces
  • “Now we’re into E! … that’s awfully high for me.” “Everyone can see, we should have stayed in D.”
  • “For this is the song that is too loooooooong!” *yells at orchestra director* JESUS CHRIST, GOD DAMNIT
  • Sir Not Appearing In This Show (Don Quixote: “Oh sorry”)
  • “Why do they call it the middle ages when nothing yet comes after it?”
  • “What happens in Camelot, stays in Camelot.”
  • “Knights of the Round Table” keeping the silliness from the film intact
  • Patsy clapping the coconuts together because Arthur can’t tap dance
  • Lady of the Lake being a Vegas lounge singer and she pulls out a ridiculous microphone
  • “We’re knights of the round table, round table, round table!” (point to roulette table to make sure the audience gets its) “round table, round table, round table!”
  • The knights trying to spell out “Camelot” and spelling “Cameltoe” instead
  • John Cleese cameo
  • The lack of a fourth wall (”These people don’t have all night!”)
  • “The quail!” “No, grail. The vessel used at the Last Supper.” “They had a bot at the Last Supper?”
  • “God the Almighty and All Knowing has misplaced a cup?”
  • “We must look within ourselves.” “SOMEBODY’S SWALLOWED IT!”
  • “No body’s swallowed it. It’s a symbol.” *symbol crash* *glares at orchestra*
  • “Find Your Grail” actually being a banger and a damn inspirational song all at once
  • The Lady of the Lake going all Mariah Carey on “Find Your Grail”
  • The Lady of the Lake holding a grail and standing inside a larger hand holding a grail
  • the two knights wrapped up in the background scenery and spinning around to make the the canvas move and change scenes
  • Galahad doing a clog dance when it’s the Alps
  • The “Scooby stack” when the French knights stick their heads out the door to investigate the giant rabbit
  • *French taunter speaks French* Other French taunter: … what?
  • The French people including a mime and Eponine
  • The French taunting being much more taunting when in song form
  • "Feche la can can dancers!” *screaming*
  • The musical keeping up with the double casting from the movie and certain knights are just inexplicably gone for some scenes
  • “Have a drink and a pee, we’ll be back for act threeeee!” “Two sir.” “Twooooo!”
  • “Dark and very expensive forest” *cha-ching sound effect”
  • Because of course “Always Look On The Brightside” is a tap number
  • Patsy being King Arthur’s sidekick and wanting to cheer him up
  • The Knights Who Say Ni joining in for a little kick line
  • Robin’s Minstrel (also played by Christian Borle)
  • “Arms for the poor! Arms for the poor!”
  • The mechanics of the Black Knight suit so he can have all his limbs cut off onstage
  • “You must put on a musical!” Sir Robin: YES! *minstrel band jump into place*
  • But not an Andrew Lloyed Webber!
  • David. Hyde. Pierce.
  • A 10 minute long musical number making as many Jewish jokes and references as possible
  • THE FUCKING BOTTLE DANCE USING HOLY GRAILS
  • “Hey!” *points to a bale of hay*
  • (honestly the use of visual puns in this deserved a Tony of its own)
  • The pure saltiness of “What Ever Happened to My Part”
  • The plot point of Lancelot being gay comes from the movie where Lancelot “rescues” Galahad from the girls in Castle Anthrax and Galahad just goes “bet you’re gay” and that’s what led to this whole plot point and a massive dance number that ends with Christian Borle in a fruit hat
  • (seriously tho we have all these fandoms who insist that their characters are gay (cough dear evan hansen cough) but it isn’t cannon when Lancelot is right here, there’s a whole dance number about it)
  • “How are we going to get to Broadway? It’s 1000 years in the future in a country that hasn’t been discovered.”
  • “I”m all alone. There’s no one here beside me,” Patsy walks up like wtf
  • “Sure, I’ve been offstage for far too long
  • “Actually I’m Jewish on my mother’s side.” “Why didn’t you say?” “It’s not the sort of thing you say to a heavily armed Christian”
  • THE KNIGHTS USING THE COCONUTS AS FREAKING CASTANETAS AND DANCING TO “AMERICA” FROM WEST WIDE STORY
  • Sir Robin shitting his pants and excusing himself aka the complete lack of trying to hide the fact that Sir Robin also plays Brother Maynard
  • the overall hilarious “low-budget” special effects, like when the ensemble knight’s head gets cut off by the rabbit
  • “No, skip a bit” *Brother Maynard skips* (again the visual puns)
  • The rabbit puppeteer being revealed and running offstage
  • “Oh Lord, we’re a bit stuck with the clue things. Would you give us a hand?” (literal hand of God comes down)
  • Lancelot in a flower crown
  • “Just think Herbert, in a 1000 years time, this will still be controversial”
  • “And I too have found my grail!” WHAT’S THAT?” “Musical theatre!”
  • Herbert’s father bursting in one more time
Voice over:  Meanwhile, King Arthur and Bedevere, not more than a swallow's
             flight away, had discovered something. 
 
Knights of Ni: Ni!  Ni!  Ni!  Ni!  Ni!  Ni! 
Arthur: Who are you? 
Knight of Ni: We are the Knights who say.....   "Ni"! 
Arthur: (horrified) No!  Not the Knights who say "Ni"! 
Knight of Ni: The same. 
Other Knight of Ni: Who are we? 
Knight of Ni: We are the keepers of the sacred words: Ni, Ping, and Nee-womm! 
Other Knight of Ni: Nee-womm! 
Arthur: (to Bedevere) Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale! 
Knight of Ni: The knights who say "Ni" demand..... a sacrifice! 
Arthur: Knights of Ni, we are but simple travelers who seek the enchanter who 
        lives beyond these woods. 
Knights of Ni: Ni!  Ni!  Ni!  Ni!  Ni!  Ni!  Ni!  Ni!  Ni! 
Bedevere: No! Noooo!  Aaaugh!  No! 
Knight of Ni: We shall say "Ni" to you... if you do not appease us. 
Arthur: Well what is it you want? 
Knight of Ni: We want..... 
 
(pregnant pause) 
 
                             A SHRUBBERY!!!! 
(dramatic minor chord) 
Arthur: A *WHAT*? 
Knights of Ni: Ni!  Ni!!  Ni!  Ni! 
Arthur; No!  No!  Please, please, no more!  We will find you a shrubbery. 
Knight of Ni: You must return here with a shrubbery... or else you will never 
              pass through this wood...   alive. 
Arthur: O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a 
        shrubbery. 
Knight of Ni: One that looks nice. 
Arthur: Of course! 
Knight of Ni: And not *too* expensive. 
Arthur; Yes! 
Knight of Ni: Noowwwww.... GO! 
 
(music) 
 
Arthur: O Knights of Ni.  We have brought you your shrubbery.  May we go now? 
Knight of Ni: Yes, it is a good shrubbery.  I like the laurels particularly. 
              But there is one small problem.... 
Arthur: What is that? 
Knight of Ni: We are now *no longer* the Knights Who Say "Ni"! 
Other Knights of Ni: Ni!  Shh! Shh! 
Knight of Ni: We are now the Knights who say "Ekky-ekky-ekky-ekky-z'Bang, 
              zoom-Boing, z'nourrrwringmm". 
Other Knight of Ni: Ni! 
Knight of Ni:  Therefore, we must give you a test. 
Arthur: What is this test, o Knights of..... 
        Knights who 'til recently said "Ni"? 
Knight of Ni: Firstly, you must find.... 
 
                      ANOTHER SHRUBBERY!!! 
(another minor chord) 
Arthur: Oh not *another* shrubbery!! 
Knight of Ni: (excitedly) THEN... Then, when you have found the shrubbery, 
              you must place it here, beside this shrubbery, only slightly 
              higher, so we get the two-level effect with a little path 
              running down the middle. 
Other Knights of Ni:  A path!  A path!  A path!   Shh, shhh.  Ni!  Ni! 
Knight of Ni: Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the 
              mightiest tree in the forest... 
              Wiiiiiithh....  A HERRING! 
85 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

1. The four houses are not the Heroes, the Brains, the Smartasses and the Junior Death Eaters.

2. No matter how good an Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin in Care of Magical Creatures class.

3. Growing Marijuana or Hallucinogenic mushrooms is not an extra credit project for Herbology.

4. “I’ve heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood’s name” is not a challenge.

5. I will not use Professor Flitwick as an armrest.

6. The Giant Squid id not an appropriate date for the Yule Ball.

7. I will not add my own lyrics to the Hogwarts school song

8. When called upon in class, I will not insist that the correct answer to everything is “42”.

9. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. “Polishing my wand” in the common room is not

10. I will not start every potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable as a sexual lubricant.

11. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”.

12. I will not call the Huffelpuffs the “Special” house.

13. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class

14. I am not allowed to say there is a fifth house called “Spaklypoo”.

15. I do not have a Daniel Potronus.

16. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.

17. I will not take out a Life Insurance policy on Harry Potter.

18. Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corp.

19. Professor Flitwicks name is not “Yoda”.

20. I am no longer allowed to use the words “Bimp Cane” in front of Draco Malfoy.

20. I will not say the phrase “Dude, Get a life!” to Lord Voldemort.

21. I will not refer to the Accio charm as “The Force”

22. A Time Turner is not a Flux Capacitor and I should therefore not install it in any muggle car.

23. I will not follow potions instructions in reverse order just to see what happens.

24. I will not douse Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak with Lemon juice to see if he will become visible when wearing it and standing near the fan in the common room.

25. I will not give Hagrid Pokemon Cards and convince him that they are real animals.

26. I will not tell first years that “Mean Prison Peppers” is a basic Transfiguration spell.

27. Bringing fortune cookies into Divination class does not count as extra credit.

28. My name is not “Dark Lord Happy Pants” and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.

29. I will not attempt to magically animate my Marshmallow Peeps.

30. I will never ask Harry if his Scar Senses are tingling.

31. I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of “the Knights of the Round Table” for the Christmas Feast.

32. I am not allowed to make Light saber sounds with my wand.

33. I am not allowed to declare an official Hug A Slytherin Day.

34. I will not steal Gryffindor’s sword from Dumbledore’s office and use it to patrol the hallways.

35. I will not sing, “We’re off to see the Wizard” when sent to the Headmaster’s office.

36. I will not tell Sir Cadogan that Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell “Ni” from various directions.

37. Getting every one into the great hall to do the Time Warp will not get me any House Points.

38. I will not lock the Slytherin’s and the Gryffindor’s in a room together and take bets on which House will come out alive.

39. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more the 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

40. I will stop asking when we will make “love Potion Number Nice.”

41. I do not weigh the same as a duck and I will not try to use magic to make the duck weigh the same as me.

42. 42 is the answer to every questions on the O.W.L.’s

43. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of –1 is.

44. I will not put Dr. Filibusters Wet-Start fireworks in the urinals.

45. I will not poke Huffelpuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their house colors indicate that they are “covered in bees”.

46. I will not sing the Badger song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.

47. I will stop asking Professor Snape to the Yule Ball.

48. “To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys” is not an acceptable career choice.

49. I will stop referring to showering as “giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful.”

50. When fighting Death Eaters at the annual June battle of Good Vs. Evil, I will not lift my wand skyward and shout, “There can only be ONE!”

51. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.

52. I will not refer to Kingsley Shacklebot as a “big Black Sex Auror”

53. I am not a sloth animagus

54. I will not give Snape a portkey that will bring him directly into Professor Mcgonigal’s privet bathroom while she is in there…

55. First years are not to be led to Fluffy

56. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape that he takes himself to seriously

57. I will not dress up as Lord Voldemort for Halloween.

58. Enchanting all brooms to hum “the Sorcerer’s Apprentice” is very annoying.

59. “OMGWTF!” is not a spell.

60. Yelling, “To infinity and BEYOND!” was only funny the first time I said it when I sneak off on my broom.

61. I will not claim my X-Files tapes are “Auror Training Videos.”

62. I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes professor.

63. I am not allowed to give the Gryffindors pixie sticks.

64. I am not allowed to reenact famous battles from the Revolutionary War in the Charms Corridor.

65. I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.

66. Albus Dumbledore is not my personal Jesus.

67. I will not sing “Defying Gravity” at Quidditch matches.

68. I am not allowed to bother Snape, and Dumbledore does not have “cookie Time.”

69. Asking “How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?” and walking away is only funny the first time.

70. I will not make fun of Lupin and his “Time of the month.”

71. I will not try to start “Naked Thursdays” in the common room.

72. I will not slip a sample bottle of Selsun-Blue into Professor Snape’s personal Snack box.

73. I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in potions class.

74. I will not tell first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God

75. If asked in class what the Avada Kadavra curse does, yelling “IT DOES DEATH!!!” may be correct but is not the manner in which you should answer.

76. It is not necessary to yell, “BURN!” every time Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.

77. I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup and Bubbles.

78. Ravenclaw’s do not find a sign saying “ the Library is closed for an undefined time” amusing in any sense.

79. Telling Hermione Granger that she is wrong is a very, very bad idea.

80. First years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow.

81. I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.

82. Taking Fred away from George is NOT funny in any manner what so ever.

83. Taking Ron’s Chudly Cannons Book was a very stupid idea.

84. i will not use magic to make Cedric Diggory sparkle in the sunlight.

85. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to Paintball.

i don’t understand why tumblr isn’t big on spamalot yet

  • it’s pretty much monty python’s quest for the holy grail, musical version, by the same people and its fucking hilarious
  • this entire fucking number
  • IT BREAKS THE FOURTH WALL LIKE 20 TIMES THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE SHOW FUCKIGN
  • THIS NUMBER TOO

  • there is a canon gay couple with multiple featured numbers but the best part of that honestly is

  • “are you suggesting coconuts migrate?”
  • “WE ARE THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY…NI!”
  • “IN YOUR DIRECTION WE ALL FART”
  • just please. please love spamalot as much as i do